Project Gutenberg's The Clock that Had no Hands, by Herbert Kaufman This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org Title: The Clock that Had no Hands And Nineteen Other Essays About Advertising Author: Herbert Kaufman Release Date: August 1, 2009 [EBook #29562] Language: English Character set encoding: ASCII *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CLOCK THAT HAD NO HANDS *** Produced by Jana Srna, Alexander Bauer and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) [ Transcriber's Note: Every effort has been made to replicate this text as faithfully as possible, including inconsistencies in spelling and hyphenation; changes (corrections of spelling) made to the original text are listed at the end of this file. ] The Clock that Had no Hands And Nineteen Other Essays About Advertising By Herbert Kaufman New York George H. Doran Company COPYRIGHT, 1908 BY THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE COPYRIGHT, 1912 GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY THE.PLIMPTON.PRESS [W.D.O] NORWOOD.MASS.U.S.A Contents PAGE The Clock that Had no Hands 1 The Cannon that Modernized Japan 7 The Tailor who Paid too Much 13 The Man who Retreats before His Defeat 19 The Dollar that Can't be Spent 25 The Pass of Thermopylae 31 The Perambulating Showcase 37 How Alexander Untied the Knot 43 If It Fits You, Wear this Cap 49 You Must Irrigate Your Neighborhood 55 Cato's Follow-up System 61 How to Write Retail Advertising Copy 67 The Difference between Amusing and Convincing 75 Some Don'ts when You Do Advertise 79 The Doctor whose Patients Hang On 85 The Horse that Drew the Load 91 The Cellar Hole and the Sewer Hole 97 The Neighborhood of Your Advertising 103 The Mistake of the Big Steak 109 The Omelette Souffle 113 The Clock that Had no Hands Newspaper advertising is to business, what hands are to a clock. It is a direct and _certain_ means of letting the public know _what you are doing_. In these days of intense and vigilant commercial contest, a dealer who does not advertise is like _a clock that has no hands_. He has no way of recording his movements. He can no more expect a twentieth century success with nineteenth century methods, than he can wear the same sized shoes as a _man_, which fitted him in his _boyhood_. His father and mother were content with neighborhood shops and bobtail cars; nothing better could be had in their day. They were accustomed to _seek_ the merchant instead of being sought _by_ him. They dealt "around the corner" in one-story shops which depended upon the _immediate friends_ of the dealer for support. So long as the city was made up of such neighborhood units, each with a full outfit of butchers, bakers, clothiers, jewelers, furniture dealers and shoemakers, it was possible for the proprietors of these little establishments to exist and make a profit. But as population increased, transit facilities spread, sections became specialized, block after block was entirely devoted to stores, and mile after mile became solely occupied by homes. The purchaser and the storekeeper _grew farther and farther apart_. It was _necessary_ for the merchant to find a _substitute_ for his direct personality, which _no longer served_ to draw customers to his door. _He had to have a bond between the commercial center and the home center._ Rapid transit eliminated distance but advertising was necessary to inform people _where_ he was located and _what he had to sell_. It was a natural outgrowth of changed conditions--the beginning of _a new era_ in trade which no longer relied upon personal acquaintance for success. Something more wonderful than the fabled philosopher's stone came into being, and the beginnings of _fortunes which would pass the hundred million mark and place tradesmen's daughters_ upon _Oriental thrones_ grew from this new force. Within fifty years it has become as vital to industry as _steam_ to _commerce_. Advertising is _not_ a _luxury_ nor a _debatable policy_. _It has proven its case._ Its record is traced in the skylines of cities where a hundred towering buildings stand as a lesson of reproach to the men who had the _opportunity_ but _not_ the _foresight_, and furnish a constant inspiration to the _young merchant_ at the _threshold_ of his career. The Cannon that Modernized Japan Business is no longer a man to man contact, in which the seller and the buyer establish a _personal_ bond, any more than battle is a hand-to-hand grapple wherein bone and muscle and sinew decide the outcome. _Trade_ as well as _war_ has changed aspect--_both are now fought at long range_. Just as a present day army of heroes would have no opportunity to display the _individual_ valor of its members, just so a merchant who counts upon his direct acquaintanceship for success, is a relic of the past--_a business dodo_. Japan changed her policy of exclusion to foreigners, after a fleet of warships battered down the Satsuma fortifications. The Samurai, who had hitherto considered their blades and bows efficient, discovered that one cannon was mightier than all the swords in creation--_if they could not get near enough to use them_. Japan profited by the lesson. She did not wait until _further_ ramparts were pounded to pieces but was satisfied with her _one_ experience and proceeded to modernize her methods. The merchant who doesn't advertise is pretty much in the same position as that in which Japan stood when her eyes were opened to the fact that _times had changed_. The long range publicity of a competitor will as surely destroy his business as the cannon of the foreigners crumbled the walls of Satsuma. Unless you take the lesson to heart, unless you _realize_ the importance of advertising, not only as a means of _extending_ your business but for _defending_ it as well, you must be prepared to face the consequences of a folly as great as that of a duelist who expects to survive in a contest in which his _adversary_ bears a _sword twice the length of his own_. Don't think that it's _too late_ to begin because there are so many stores which have had the advantage of years of cumulative advertising. The city is growing. It will grow even more next year. It needs _increased trading facilities_ just as it's hungry for new neighborhoods. _But it will never again support neighborhood stores._ Newspaper advertising has reduced the value of being _locally prominent_, and five cent street car fares have cut out the advantage of being "_around the corner_." A store five miles away, can reach out through the columns of the daily newspaper and draw your next door neighbor to its aisles, while you sit by and see the people on your own block enticed away, without your being able to retaliate or secure _new_ customers to take their place. It is not a question of your ability to _stand the cost_ of advertising but of being able to _survive without it_. The thing you have to consider is not only an _extension_ of your business but of holding _what you already have_. Advertising is an _investment_, the cost of which is in the same proportion to its _returns_ as _seeds_ are to the _harvest_. And it is just as preposterous for you to consider publicity as an expense, as it would be for a farmer to hesitate over purchasing a _fertilizer_, if he discovered that he could _profitably increase_ his crops by _employing_ it. The Tailor who Paid too Much I was buying a cigar last week when a man dropped into the shop and after making a purchase told the proprietor that he had started a clothes shop around the corner and quoted him prices, with the assurance of best garments and terms. After he left the cigar man turned to me and said: "Enterprising fellow, that, he'll get along." "But he _won't_," I replied, "and, furthermore, I'll wager you that he hasn't the sort of clothes shop that will _enable_ him to." "What made you think that?" queried the man behind the counter. "His theories are wrong," I explained; "he's relying upon word of mouth publicity to build up his business and he can't _interview enough individuals_ to compete with a merchant, who has sense enough to say the _same_ things he told you, to a _hundred thousand_ men, while he is telling it to _one_. Besides, his method of advertising is _too expensive_. Suppose he sees a _hundred_ persons every day. First of all, he is robbing his business of its necessary direction and besides, he is spending too much to reach every man he solicits." "I don't quite follow you." "Well, as the proprietor of a clothes shop his own time is so valuable that I am very conservative in my estimate when I put the cost of his soliciting at five cents a head. "Now, if he were _really_ able and clever he would discover that he can talk to hundreds of thousands of people at a tenth of a cent per individual. There is not a newspaper in town the advertising rate of which is $1.00 per thousand circulation, for a space big enough in which to _display what he said to you_." "I never looked at it _that_ way," said the cigar man. It's only "_the man who hasn't looked at it that way_," who hesitates for an instant over the advisability and profitableness of newspaper publicity. Newspaper advertising is the cheapest channel of communication ever established by man. A thousand letters with one-cent stamps, will easily cost fifteen dollars and not one envelope in ten will be opened because _the very postage_ is an invitation to the wastebasket. If there were anything _cheaper_ rest assured that the greatest merchants in America would not spend individual sums ranging up to _half a million dollars a year and over_, upon this form of attracting trade. The Man who Retreats before His Defeat Advertising _isn't_ magic. There is no element of the black art about it. In its best and highest form it is _plain_ talk, _sane_ talk--_selling_ talk. Its results are in proportion to the _merit_ of the subject advertised and the _ability_ with which the advertising is done. There are two great obstacles to advertising profit, and both of them arise from ignorance of the _real_ functions and workings of publicity. The first is to advertise _promises_ which will not be _fulfilled_,--because all that advertising can do when it _accomplishes most_, is to influence the reader to _investigate_ your claims. _If you promise the earth and deliver the moon, advertising will not pay you._ If you bring men and women to your store on _pretense_ and fail to _make good_, advertising will have _harmed_ you, because it has only drawn attention to the fact that you are to be _avoided_. It is as _unjust_ to charge advertising with _failure_ under these conditions, as it would be for your _neighbor_ to rob a bank and make you responsible for _his_ misdeed. In brief, _advertised_ dishonesty is _even more profitless_ than _unexploited_ deception. The other great error in advertising is to expect more _out_ of advertising than there is _in_ it. _Advertising is seed which a merchant plants in the confidence of the community._ He must allow time for it to _grow_. Every successful advertiser has to be _patient_. The time that it takes to arrive at results rests entirely with the ability and determination devoted to the work. But you cannot turn back when you have traveled half way and declare that the _path_ is wrong. You can't advertise for a _week_, and because your store isn't crowded, say it hasn't _paid_ you. It takes a certain period to attract the attention of readers. Everybody doesn't see what you print the _first_ time it appears. More will notice your copy the _second day_, _a great many more_ at the end of a month. You cannot expect to win the confidence of the community to the same degree that other men have obtained it, without taking pretty much the same length of time that _they_ did. But you _can_ cut short the period between your introduction to your reader and his introduction to your _counters_, by spending _more_ effort in preparing your _copy_ and displaying a greater amount of convincingness. You mustn't act like the little girl who sowed a garden and came out the _next day_ expecting to find it in _full bloom_. Her father had to explain to her that plants require _roots_ and that, although she could not _see_ what was going on, _the seeds were doing their most important work just before the flowers showed above ground_. So _advertising is_ doing its most _important_ work before the big results eventuate, and to abandon the money which has been invested just before results arrive, is not only foolish but childish. _It would be just as logical for a farmer to desert his fields because he cannot harvest his corn a week after he planted it._ Advertising does not require _faith_--merely _common sense_. If it is begun in doubt and relinquished before normal results can be _reasonably_ looked for, the fault does not lie with the newspaper nor with publicity--the blame is solely on the head of the coward who _retreated before he was defeated_. The Dollar that Can't be Spent Every dollar spent in advertising is not only a _seed_ dollar which _produces a profit_ for the merchant, but is actually _retained_ by him even _after he has paid it to the publisher_. Advertising creates _a good will_ equal to the cost of the publicity. Advertising _really costs nothing_. While it _uses_ funds it does not _use them up_. It helps the founder of a business to grow rich and then _keeps_ his business alive after his death. _It eliminates the personal equation._ It perpetuates confidence _in the store_ and makes it possible for a merchant _to withdraw_ from _business_ without having the _profits_ of the business _withdrawn_ from _him_. It changes a _name_ to an _institution_--an institution which will _survive_ its builder. It is really an _insurance policy_ which costs nothing--_pays_ a premium each year instead of _calling for_ one and renders it possible to change the entire personnel of a business without disturbing its prosperity. Advertising renders the _business_ stronger than the _man_--independent of his presence. It permanentizes systems of merchandising, the track of which is left for others to follow. A business which is _not_ advertised _must_ rely upon the _personality_ of its proprietor, and personality in business is a decreasing factor. The public _does not want to know the man_ who owns the store--it isn't interested in _him_ but in his goods. When an unadvertised business is sold it is only worth as much as its _stock of goods and its fixtures_. There is no good will to be paid for--_it does not exist_--it has _not_ been _created_. The name over the door _means nothing_ except to the limited stream of people from the immediate neighborhood, any of whom could tell you _more_ about some store ten miles away which has regularly delivered its shop news to their breakfast table. It is as _shortsighted_ for a man to build a business which _dies with his death_ or ceases with his inaction, as it _is unfair_ for him not to provide for the _continuance of its income to his family_. The Pass of Thermopylae Xerxes once led a million soldiers out of Persia in an effort to capture Greece, but his invasion failed utterly, because a Spartan captain had entrenched a hundred men in a narrow mountain pass, which controlled the road into Lacedaemon. _The man who was first on the ground had the advantage._ Advertising is full of opportunities for men who are _first_ on the ground. There are hundreds of advertising passes waiting for some one to occupy them. The first man who realizes that his line will be helped by publicity, has a _tremendous opportunity_. He can gain an advantage over his competitors that they can never possess. Those who _follow_ him must spend more money to _equal_ his returns. They must not only _invest as much_, _to get as much_, but they must as well, spend an extra sum to _counteract_ the influence that he has _already established_ in the community. Whatever men sell, whether it is actual merchandise or brain vibrations, can be _more easily_ sold with the aid of advertising. Not one half of the businesses which _should_ be exploited are appearing in the newspapers. _Trade grows as reputation grows and advertising spreads reputation._ If you are engaged in a line which is waiting for an advertising pioneer, realize what a wonderful chance you have of being the first of your kind to appeal directly to the public. You stand a better chance of leadership than those who have handicapped their strength, by permitting you to _get on the ground_ before they could outstrip you. You gain a prestige that those who _follow_ you, must spend more money to _counteract_. If your particular line is _similar_ to some other trade or business which has _already_ been introduced to the reading public, it's up to you to start in _right now_ and join your competitors in contesting for the attention of the community. The longer you _delay_ the more you _decrease_ your chances of _surviving_. Every man who outstrips you is another _opponent_, who must be met and grappled with, for _the right of way_. The Perambulating Showcase The newspaper is a _huge_ shop window, carried about the city and delivered daily into hundreds of thousands of homes, to be examined at the leisure of the reader. This shop window is unlike the actual plate glass showcase only in _one_ respect--it makes display of _descriptions_ instead of _articles_. You have often been impressed by the difference between the decorations of two window-trimmers, each of whom employed the same materials for his work. The one drew your attention and held it by the grace and cleverness and art manifested in his display. The other realized so little of the possibilities in the materials placed at his disposal, that unless some one called your attention to his mediocrities you would have gone on unconscious of their existence. An advertiser must know that he gets his results in accordance with the _skill_ exercised in preparing his verbal displays. He must make people _stop_ and pause. _His copy has to stand out._ He must not only make a show of things that are attractive to the eye but are attractive to the people's needs, as well. The window-trimmer must not make the mistake of thinking that the showiest stocks are the most salable. The advertiser must not make the mistake of thinking that the showiest words are the most clinching. Windows are too few in number to be used with indiscretion. The good merchant puts those goods back of his plate glass which nine people out of ten will want, once they have seen them. The good advertiser tells about goods which nine readers out of ten will buy, if they can be convinced. Newspaper space itself is only the window, just as the showcase is but a frame for merchandise pictures. A window on a crowded street, in the best neighborhood, where prosperous persons pass continually, is more desirable, than one in a cheap, sparsely settled neighborhood. An advertisement in a newspaper with the most readers and the most _prosperous_ ones, possesses a great advantage over the same copy, in a medium circulating among persons who possess less means. It would be foolish for a shop to build its windows in an alley-way--and just as much so to put its advertising into newspapers which are distributed among "alley-dwellers." How Alexander Untied the Knot Alexander the Great was being shown the Gordian Knot. "It can't be untied," they told him; "every man who tried to do so, failed." But Alexander was not discouraged because the _rest_ had flunked. He simply realized that he would have to go at it in a _different_ way. And instead of wasting time with his _fingers_, he drew his sword and _slashed_ it apart. Every day a great business general is shown some knot which has proven too much for his competitors, and he succeeds, because he finds a way to _cut_ it. The fumbler has no show so long as there is a brother merchant who doesn't waste time trying to accomplish the impossible--who takes lessons from the _failures_ about him and avoids the methods which were their downfall. The knottiest problems in trade are: 1--The problem of location. 2--The problem of getting the crowds. 3--The problem of keeping the crowds. 4--The problem of minimizing fixed expenses. 5--The problem of creating a valuable good will. None of these knots is going to be untied by fumbling fingers. They are too complicated. They're all inextricably involved--so twisted and entangled that they can't be solved singly--like the Gordian knot _they must be cut through at one stroke_. And you can't cut the knot with anything but advertising--because: 1--A store that is constantly before the people makes its own neighborhood. 2--Crowds can be brought from anywhere by daily advertising. 3--Customers can always be held by inducements. 4--Fixed expenses can only be reduced by increasing the volume of sales. 5--Good will can only be created through publicity. Advertising is breeding new giants every year and making them more powerful every hour. Publicity is the sustaining food of a _powerful_ store and the only strengthening nourishment for a _weak_ one. The retailer who delays his entry into advertising must pay the penalty of his procrastination by facing more giant competitors as each month of opportunity slips by. Personal ability as a close purchaser and as a clever seller, doesn't count for a hang, so long as other men are equally well posted and wear the sword of publicity to boot. They are able to tie your business into constantly closer knots, while you cannot retaliate, because there is no knot which their advertising cannot cut for them. Yesterday you lost a customer--today they took one--tomorrow they'll get another. You cannot cope with their competition because you haven't the weapon with which to oppose it. You can't untie your Gordian knot because it can't be _untied_--you've got to _cut_ it. You must become an advertiser or you must pay the penalty of incompetence. You not only require the newspaper to fight for a more _hopeful tomorrow_, but to keep _today's_ situation from becoming _hopeless_. If It Fits You, Wear this Cap Advertising isn't a crucible with which lazy, bigoted and incapable merchants can turn incompetency into success--but one into which brains and tenacity and courage _can_ be poured and changed into dollars. It is only a short cut across the fields--_not_ a moving platform. You can't "get there" without "going some." It's a game in which the _worker_--not the _shirker_--gets rich. By its measurement every man stands for what he _is_ and for what he _does_, _not_ for what he _was_ and what he _did_. Every day in the advertising world is _another_ day and has to be taken care of with the same energy as its _yesterday_. The quitter _can't survive_ where the _plugger_ has the ghost of a chance. Advertising doesn't take the place of business talent or business management. It simply tells what a business _is_ and _how_ it is managed. The snob whose father _created_ and who is content to live on what was _handed_ to him, can't stand up against the man who knows he _must build for himself_. What makes _you_ think that _you_ are entitled to prosper as well as a competitor who _works twice as hard_ for his prosperity? Why should as many people deal at _your_ store, as patronize a shop that makes an endeavor to _get_ their trade and shows them that it is _worth while_ to come to its doors? Why should a newspaper send as many customers to _you_, in _half_ the time it took to fill an establishment which advertised _twice_ as long and _paid twice as much_ for its publicity? This is the day when the _best_ man wins--after he _proves_ that he _is_ the best man--when the _best_ store wins, when it has shown that it _is_ the best store--when the best _goods_ win, after they've been _demonstrated to be_ the best goods. If you want the _plum_ you can't get it by lying under the _tree_ with your mouth open waiting for it to drop--too many other men are willing to climb out on the limb and risk their necks in their eagerness to get it away from you. It is a _man's_ game--this advertising--just hanging on and tugging and straining all the time to _get_ and _keep_ ahead. It is the finite expression of the law of Competition, which sits in blind-folded justice over the markets of the world. You Must Irrigate Your Neighborhood Half a century ago there were ten million acres of land, within a thousand miles of Chicago, upon which not even a blade of grass would grow. Today upon these very deserts are wonderful orchards and tremendous wheatfields. _The soil itself was full of possibilities. What the land needed was water._ In time there came farmers who knew that they could not expect the streams _to come to them_, and so they dug ditches and _led the water to their properties_ from the surrounding rivers and lakes; they tilled the earth with their _brains_ as well as their _plows_--they became rich through _irrigation_. Advertising has made thousands of men rich, just because they recognized the possibilities of utilizing the newspapers to bring streams of buyers into neighborhoods that could be made busy locations by irrigation--_by drawing people from other sections_. The successful retailer is the man who keeps the stream of purchasers coming his way. It isn't the _spot itself_ that makes the _store_ pay--it's the _man_ who makes the _spot_ pay. Centers of trade are not selected by the public--they are created by the force which _controls_ the public--the newspapers. New neighborhoods for business are being constantly built up by men who have located themselves in streets which they have changed from deserted by-ways into teeming, jostling thoroughfares, through advertising irrigation. The storekeeper who whines that his neighborhood holds him back is squinting at the truth--_he is hurting the neighborhood_. If it lacks streams of buyers, he can easily enough secure them by reaching out through the columns of the daily and inducing people from _other_ sections to come to him. Every time he influences a customer of a competitor he is not only irrigating his _own_ field but is diverting the streams upon which a _non-advertising_ merchant depends for existence. Men and women who live next door to a shop that does not plead for their custom will eventually be drawn to an establishment _miles_ away because they have been made to believe in some advantage to be gained thereby. The circulation of _every_ daily is nothing less than a _reservoir_ of buyers, from which shoppers stream in the direction that promises the _most value_ for the _least money_. The magic development of the desert lands, has its parallel in merchandising of men who consider the newspaper an irrigating power which can make _two_ customers grow where _one_ grew before. Cato's Follow-up System If a man lambasted you on the eye and walked away and waited a week before he repeated the performance, he wouldn't hurt you very badly. Between attacks you would have an opportunity to recover from the effect of the first blow. But if he smashed you and _kept mauling_, each impact of his fist would find you less able to stand the hammering, and a half-dozen jabs would probably _knock you down_. Now advertising is, after all, a matter of _hitting the eye of the public_. If you allow too great an interval to elapse between insertions of copy the effect of the first advertisement will have worn _away_ by the time you hit again. You may continue your scattered talks over a stretch of years, but you will not derive the same benefit that would result from a greater concentration. In other words, by appearing in print _every_ day, you are able to get the benefit of the impression created _the day before_, and as each piece of copy makes its appearance, the result of your publicity on the reader's mind is more pronounced--you mustn't stop short of a _knock-down impression_. _Persistence is_ the foundation of advertising success. Regularity of insertion is _just as important_ as clever phrasing. The man who _hangs on_ is the man who _wins out_. Cato the Elder is an example to every merchant who _uses_ the newspapers and should be an inspiration to every storekeeper who does _not_. For twenty years he arose daily in the Roman senate and cried out for the destruction of Carthage. In the beginning he found his conferees very unresponsive. But he _kept on_ every day, month after month and year after year, sinking into the minds of all the necessity of destroying Carthage, until he set all the senate thinking upon the subject and _in the end_ Rome sent an army across the Mediterranean and ended the reign of the Hannibals and Hamilcars over northern Africa. _The persistent utterances of a single man did it._ The history of every mercantile success is _parallel_. The advertiser who does not let a day slip by without having his say, is bound to be heard and have his influence felt. Every insertion of copy brings stronger returns, because it has the benefit of what has been said _before_, until the public's attention is like an eye that has been so repeatedly struck, that the _least touch_ of suggestion will feel like a blow. How to Write Retail Advertising Copy A skilled layer of mosaics works with small fragments of stone--they fit into more places than the _larger_ chunks. The skilled advertiser works with small words--they fit into _more_ minds than _big_ phrases. The simpler the language the greater certainty that it will be understood by the _least intelligent reader_. The construction engineer plans his road-bed where there is a _minimum of grade_--he works along the lines of _least resistance_. The advertisement which runs into mountainous style is badly surveyed--_all minds are not built for high grade thinking_. Advertising must be simple. When it is tricked out with the jewelry and silks of literary expression, it looks as much out of place as _a ball dress at the breakfast table_! The buying public is only interested in _facts_. People read advertisements to find out _what you have to sell_. The advertiser who can fire the _most facts_ in the shortest time gets the _most returns_. Blank cartridges _make noise but they do not hit_--blank talk, however clever, is only wasted space. You force your salesmen to keep to solid facts--you don't allow _them_ to sell muslin with quotations from Omar or trousers with excerpts from Marie Corelli. You must not tolerate in your _printed selling talk_ anything that you are not willing to countenance in _personal salesmanship_. Cut out clever phrases if they are inserted to the sacrifice of clear explanations--_write copy as you talk_. Only be more brief. Publicity is costlier than conversation--ranging in price downward from $10 a line; talk is not cheap but the most expensive commodity in the world. Sketch in your ad to the stenographer. Then you will be so busy "_saying it_" that you will not have time to bother about the gewgaws of writing. Afterwards take the typewritten manuscript and cut out every word and every line that can be erased without omitting an important detail. What _remains_ in the _end_ is all that _really counted_ in the _beginning_. Cultivate brevity and simplicity. "Savon Francais" may _look_ smarter, but more people will _understand_ "French Soap." Sir Isaac Newton's explanation of gravitation covers _six pages_ but the schoolboy's terse and homely "What goes up must come down" clinches the whole thing in _six words_. _Indefinite talk wastes_ space. It is not 100% productive. The copy that omits prices sacrifices half its pulling power--it has a tendency to bring _lookers_ instead of _buyers_. It often creates false impressions. Some people are bound to conceive the idea that the goods are _higher priced_ than in _reality_--others, by the same token, are just as likely to infer that the prices are _lower_ and go away thinking that you have exaggerated your statements. The reader must be _searched out_ by the copy. Big space is cheapest because it _doesn't waste a single eye_. Publicity must be on the _offensive_. There are far too many advertisers who keep their lights on top _of_ their bushel--the average citizen _hasn't time_ to overturn your bushel. Small space is expensive. Like a _one-flake snowstorm_, there is not enough of it to lay. Space is a _comparative matter_ after all. It is not a case of _how much_ is used as _how it is used_. The passengers on the limited express may realize that Jones has tacked a twelve-inch shingle on every post and fence for a stretch of five miles, but they are _going too fast_ to make out what the shingles say, yet the two feet letters of Brown's big bulletin board on top of the hill leap at them before they have a chance to dodge it. And at that it doesn't cost nearly so much as the _sum total_ of Jones' dinky display. Just so advertisements attractively displayed every day or every other day for a year in one big newspaper, will find the eye of _all_ readers, no matter how rapidly they may be "going" through the advertising pages and produce more results than a _dozen_ piking pieces of copy scattered through _half a dozen_ dailies. The Difference between Amusing and Convincing An advertiser must realize that there is a vast difference between _amusing_ people and _convincing_ them. It does not pay to be "smart" at the line rate of the average first class daily. I suppose that I could draw the attention of everybody on the street by painting half of my face red and donning a suit of motley. I might have a sincere purpose in wishing _to attract_ the crowd, but I would be deluding myself if I mistook the nature of their attention. The new advertiser is especially prone to misjudge between amusing and convincing copy. A humorous picture _may_ catch the eyes of _every_ reader, but it won't pay as well as an illustration of _some piece of merchandise_ which will strike the eye of every _buyer_. Merchants secure varying results from the same advertising space. The publisher delivers to each _the same quality of readers_, but the advertiser who plants _flippancy_ in the minds of the community won't attain the benefit that is secured by the merchant who imprints _clinching_ arguments there. Always remember that the advertising sections of newspapers are no different than farming lands. And it is as preposterous to hold the publisher responsible for the outcome of unintelligent copy as it would be unjust to blame the soil for bad seed and poor culture. _Every advertiser gets exactly the same number of readers from a publisher and the same readers_--after that it's up to him--the results fluctuate in accordance with the intelligence and the pulling power of the _copy_ which is inserted. Some Don'ts when You Do Advertise The _price_ of the gun never hits the _bull's eye_. And the _bang_ seldom rattles the bells. It's the _hand on the trigger_ that cuts the _real_ figger. The _aim's_ what amounts--_that's_ what makes _record_ counts-- Are _you_ hitting or just _wasting_ shells? _Don't_ forget that the man who writes your copy is the man who aims your policy. When you stop to reflect what your _space_ costs and that the wrong talk is just _noise_--_bang_ without _biff_--you must see the necessity and _sanity_ of putting the _right man behind the gun_. _Don't_ tolerate an ambition on your ad-man's part to indulge in a lurking desire to be a literary light. People read his advertising to discover what your buyers have just brought from the market and what you are asking for "O. N. T." They buy the _newspaper_ for information and recreation and are satisfied with the degree of poetry and persiflage dished up in its _reading_ columns. _Don't exaggerate._ Poetic licenses are not valid in business prose. The American people _don't_ want to be humbugged and the merchant who figures upon too many fools, finds _himself_ looking into a mirror, usually about a half hour after the sheriff has come to look over the premises. _Don't imitate._ Advertising is a _special measure_ garment. Businesses are not built in _ready-made_ sizes. Copy which fits somebody else's selling plans, won't fit your store without sagging at the chest or riding up at the collar. Duplicated _argument_ and duplicated _results_ are not twins. Your policy of publicity must be _specially_ measured from your policy of merchandising. _Don't put your advertising in charge of an amateur._ Let somebody else stand the expense of his educational blunders. Remember you are making a plea before the bar of public confidence. Your ad-writer is an advocate. _Like a bad lawyer, he can lose a good case by not making the most of the facts at hand._ _Don't get the "sales" habit._ "Sales" are stimulants. When held too often their effect is _weakening_. The merchant who continually yells "_bargain_" is like the old hen who was always crying "fox." When the real article did come along, none of her chicks _believed it_. _Don't use fine print._ Make it easy for the reader to find out about your business. There are ten million pairs of eyeglasses worn in America, and every owner of them buys something. _And Don't start unless you mean to stick._ The patron saint of the successful advertiser _hates a quitter_. The Doctor whose Patients Hang On Out in China _all_ things are _not_ topsy turvy. _Physicians are paid for keeping people well_ and when their patients fall ill, their weekly remittances are stopped. The Chinese judge a medical man not by the number of years _he_ lives, but by the length of time his patrons survive. An advertising medium must be judged in the same way. The fact that it has _age_ to its credit isn't so important as the _age of its advertising patronage_. Whenever a daily continues to display the store talk of the same establishment year after year, it's a pretty sure sign that the merchant has _made money_ out of that newspaper, because no publication can continue to be a losing investment to its customers over a stretch of time, without the fact being discovered. And when a newspaper is not only able to boast of an honor roll of stores that have continued to appear in its pages for a stretch of decades, but at the same time demonstrates that it carries _more_ business than its competitors, it has _proven its superiority_ as plainly as a mountain peak which rises above its fellows. The combination of _stability and progress_ is the strongest virtue that a newspaper can possess. _Only the fit survive_--reputation is a _difficult_ thing to _get_ and a harder thing to _hold_--it takes _merit_ to _earn_ it and _character_ to _maintain_ it. There is a vast difference between _fame_ and _notoriety_, and just as much difference between a _famous newspaper_ and a _notorious one_. Just as a manufacturer is always eager to install his choicest stocks in a store which has earned the respect of the community, just so a retailer should be anxious to insert his name in a newspaper which has _earned the respect of its readers_. The manufacturer feels that he will receive a square deal from a store which has age to its credit. He can expect as much from a newspaper which is a credit to its age! The newspaper which outlives the rest does so because it was _best fitted to_--it had to _earn_ the confidence of its readers--and _keep it_. It had to be a _better_ newspaper than any other and _better_ newspapers go to the homes of _better_ buyers. Every bit of its circulation has the element of _quality and staying power_. And it is the _respectable_, _home-loving_ element of every community--not the touts and the gamblers--toward which the merchant must look for his business _vertebrae_--he cannot find buyers unless he uses the _newspaper_ that enters their homes. And when _he does_ enter their homes he must not confuse the sheet that comes in the back gate with the newspaper that is delivered at the front door. The Horse that Drew the Load A moving van came rolling down the street the other day with a big spirited Percheron in the center and two wretched nags on either side. The Percheron was _doing all the work_, and it seemed that he would have got along far better in single harness, than he managed with his inferior mates _retarding_ his speed. The advertiser who selects a group of newspapers usually harnesses two _lame_ propositions to every _pulling_ newspaper on his list, and just as the van driver probably dealt out an _equal_ portion of feed to each of his animals, just so many a merchant is paying practically the same rate to a _weak_ daily, that he is allowing the _sturdy profitable sheet_. Unfortunately the accepted custom of inserting the _same_ advertisement in _every_ paper acts to the distinct disadvantage of the _meritorious_ medium. The advertiser charges the sum total of his _expense_ against the sum total of his _returns_, and thereby does _himself and the best puller an injustice_, by crediting the less productive sheets with results that they have _not_ earned. It's the _pulling power_ of the newspaper as well as the horse that proves its value, and if advertisers were as level headed as they should be, they would take the trouble to put every daily in which they advertise _on trial_ for at least a month and advertise a different department or article in each, carefully tabulating the returns. If this were done, fifty per cent of the advertising now carried in weaker newspapers would be withdrawn and the patronage of the stronger sheets would _advance_ in that proportion. _There are newspapers in many a city that are, single handed, able to build up businesses._ Their circulation is solid muscle and sinew--_all pull_. It isn't the number of copies _printed_ but the number of copies that reach the hands of buyers--it isn't the number of _readers_ but the number of readers with _money_ to spend--it isn't the _bulk_ of a circulation but the amount of the circulation which is _available_ to the advertiser--it isn't _fat_ but _brawn_--that tell in the long run. There are certain earmarks that indicate these strengths and weaknesses. They are as plain to the observing eye as the signs of the woods are significant to the trapper. The _news_ columns tell you what you can expect out of the _advertising_ columns. A newspaper _always finds_ the class of readers to which it is _edited_. When its mental tone is _low_ and its moral tone is _careless_ depend upon it--_the readers match the medium_. No gun can hit a target _outside_ of its range. No newspaper can aim its policy in _one_ direction and score in _another_. No advertiser can find a different class of men and women than the publisher has found for himself. He is judged by the company he keeps. _If he lies down with dogs he will arise with fleas._ The Cellar Hole and the Sewer Hole A coal cart stopped before an office building in Washington and the driver dismounted, removed the cover from a manhole, ran out his chute, and proceeded to empty the load. An old negro strolled over and stood watching him. Suddenly the black man glanced down and immediately burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, which continued for several minutes. The cart driver looked at him in amusement. "Say, Uncle," he asked, "do you always laugh when you see coal going into a cellar?" The negro sputtered around for a few moments and then holding his hands to his aching sides managed to say, "_No, sah, but I jest busts when I sees it goin' down a sewer._" The advertiser who displays lack of judgment in selecting the newspapers which carry his copy often confuses the _sewer_ and the _cellar_. All the money that is put _into_ newspapers isn't taken _out_ again, by any means. The fact that all dailies possess a certain physical likeness, doesn't necessarily signify a similarity in character, and it's _character_ in a newspaper that brings returns. The editor who conducts a journalistic sewer, finds a _different_ class of readers than the publisher who respects himself enough to respect his readers. What goes into a newspaper largely determines the class of homes into which the newspaper goes. An irresponsible, scandal-mongering, muck-raking sheet is certainly not supported by the buying classes of people. It _may be_ perused by thousands of readers, but such readers are seldom purchasers of advertised goods. It's the clean-cut, steady, normal-minded citizens who form the bone and sinew and muscle of the community. It's the sane, self-respecting, _dependable_ newspaper that enters their homes and it's the _home_ sale that indicates the strength of an advertising medium. No clean-minded father of a family wishes to have his wife and children brought in contact with the most maudlin and banal phases of life. He defends them from the sensational editor and the unpleasant advertiser. He subscribes to _a newspaper which he does not fear to leave about the house_. Therefore, the respectable newspaper can always be counted upon to produce more sales than one which may even own a larger _circulation_ but whose distribution is in ten editions among unprofitable citizens. You can no more expect to sell goods to people who _haven't money_, than you can hope _to pluck oysters from rose-bushes_. It isn't the number of readers _reached_, but the number of readers whose _purses_ can be reached, that constitutes the value of circulation. It's one thing to arouse _their attention_, but it's a far different thing to get _their money_. _The mind may be willing, but the pocketbook may be weak._ If you had the choice of a thousand acres of desert land or a hundred acres of oasis, you'd select the fertile spot, realizing that the larger tract had less value because it would be less productive. The advertiser who really understands how he is spending his money, takes care that he is not pouring his money into _deserts and sewers_. The Neighborhood of Your Advertising Circulation is a commodity which must be bought with the same common sense used in selecting potatoes, cloth and real estate. _It can be measured and weighed_--it is _merchandise_ with a _provable_ value. It varies just as much as the grocer's green stuff, the tailor's fabrics and the lots of the real estate man. Your cook refuses to accept green and rotten tomatoes at the price of perfect ones. She does not calculate the number of vegetables that are _delivered_ to her, but those that she _can use_. When your wife selects a piece of cloth she first makes sure that it will serve the purpose she has in view. When you buy a piece of property you consider _the neighborhood_ as well as the _ground_. Just so when you buy _advertising_ you must find out how much of the circulation you _can use_. You must judge the _neighborhoods_ where your copy will be read, with the same thoughtfulness that you devoted to selecting the spot where your goods are sold. A dealer in precious stones would be foolish to open up in a tenement district, and equally short-sighted, to tell about his jewelry in a newspaper largely distributed there. Out of ten thousand men and women who might _see_ what he had to say not ten of them could _afford to buy his goods_. These ten thousand readers would be mass without muscle. He could make them _willing_ to do business with him, but _their incomes wouldn't let them become customers_. One of the greatest mistakes in publicity is _to drop your lines where the fish can't take your bait_. Circulation is, as you see, a very interesting subject, but very few people know anything about it. It would surprise you to know that this ignorance often extends to the business offices of newspapers. I have known publishers to continually mistake the _class of_ their readers and have met hundreds of them who had the most fantastic ideas upon the figures of their circulation. While I would not be so harsh as to accuse them of anything more than being _mistaken_, none the less their tendency to infect _others_ with this misinformation renders it extremely advisable for _you to_ become a member of the Missouri society--and "_be shown_." Don't rely solely on circulation statements. You don't understand the tricks in their making. Make the newspaper which carries your advertisement show you the list of its advertisers. A newspaper which prints the most advertising, month after month, year after year, is always the best medium. This is equally true in New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, Kenosha and Walla Walla. The Mistake of the Big Steak Watch out for _waste_ in circulation. Find out _where_ your story is going to be _read_. Don't pay for planting the seed of publicity in a spot where you are not going to _harvest_ the results. The manufacturer of soap who has his goods on sale from Oskaloosa to Timbuctoo doesn't care _how widely_ a newspaper circulation is scattered. Whoever reads about his product is near to _some_ store or other where it is sold--but you have just _one_ store. Buying advertising circulation is very much like ordering a steak--if the waiter brings you a porter-house twice as big as your _digestion_ can handle, you've paid twice as much as the steak was worth to _you_, even if it _is_ worth the price to the restaurant man. You derive your profit not from the circulation that your _advertisement_ gets, but from circulation _that gets people to buy_. If two newspapers offer you their columns and one shows a distribution almost entirely within the city and in towns that rely upon your city for buying facilities, your business can digest all of its influence. If the other has _as much circulation_, but only _one third_ of it is in _local territory_, mere bulk cannot establish its value to _you_--_it's another case of the big steak_--you pay for more than you can digest. That part of its influence which is concentrated where men and women can't get your _goods_ after you get their _attention_, is _sheer waste_. By dividing the number of copies he prints into his line rate, a publisher may fallaciously demonstrate to you that his space is sold as low as that of his stronger competitors, but if half his circulation is too _far away to bring buyers_, his real _rate_ is double what it seems. He is like the butcher who weighs in all the bone and sinew and fat and charges you as much for the _waste_ as he does for the _meat_. The Omelette Souffle There is a vast distinction between distribution for the sake of increasing the _circulation figures_ and distribution for the sake of increasing the number of _advertising responses_. There is a difference between a circulation which strikes the _same_ reader several times in the _same_ day and the circulation which does _not_ repeat the individual. There is a difference between circulation which is concentrated into an area from which every reader can be expected to come to your establishment, if you can _interest_ him, and a circulation that spreads over half a dozen states and shows its greatest volume in territory so far from your establishment that you can't get a buyer out of ten thousand readers. You've got to weigh and measure all these things when you weigh and measure circulation figures. It isn't the number of copies _printed_, but the number of copies _sold_--not the number of papers _distributed_, but the number of papers distributed in _responsive_ territory--not the number of readers _reached_, but the number of readers who have the price to _buy_ what you want to _sell_--that determine the value of circulation to _you_. You can take a single egg and whip it into an omelette souffle which _seems_ to be a _whole plateful_, but the extra bulk is just _hot air_ and _sugar_--the change in form has not increased the amount of egg _substance_ and it's the _substance_ in circulation, just as it is the _nutrition_ in the egg, that _counts_. [ Transcriber's Note: The following is a list of corrections made to the original. The first line is the original line, the second the corrected one. pronounced--you musn't stop short of a _knock-down impression_. pronounced--you mustn't stop short of a _knock-down impression_. ] End of Project Gutenberg's The Clock that Had no Hands, by Herbert Kaufman *** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CLOCK THAT HAD NO HANDS *** ***** This file should be named 29562.txt or 29562.zip ***** This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: http://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/5/6/29562/ Produced by Jana Srna, Alexander Bauer and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will be renamed. 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