.\" -*- mode: nroff -*- coding: utf-8 -*- .\" This file produces Project Gutenberg plain text. Usage: .\" $ groff -t -K utf8 -T utf8 this_file > output.txt . .pl 100000 \" very tall page: disable pagebreaks .ll 72m .po 0 .ad l \" text-align: left .nh \" hyphenation: off .cflags 0 .?! \" single sentence space .cflags 0 -\[hy]\[em] \" don't break on - . .de nop .. .blm nop \" do nothing on empty line . .nr [env_cnt] 0 .ev 0 \" start in a defined environment . .de push_env .br .nr last_env \\n[.ev] \" save current environment name .nr env_cnt +1 \" generate new environment name .ev \\n[env_cnt] .evc \\n[last_env] .. .de pop_env .br .ev .nr env_cnt -1 .. . .push_env .push_env .ad c .ad c BRIGHT IDEAS .pop_env .push_env .\"this is the default PG-RST stylesheet .push_env .\"figure and image styles for non-image formats .push_env .\"default transition .push_env .\"default attribution .push_env .\"-*- encoding: utf-8 -*- .push_env .pop_env .push_env .\"-*- encoding: utf-8 -*- .push_env .push_env .push_env .sp 4 This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever\N'46' You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online at https://www\N'46'gutenberg\N'46'org/license\N'46' If you are not located in the United States, you\(cqll have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .push_env .sp 2 Title: Bright Ideas .br A Record of Invention and Misinvention .br .br Author: Herbert Strang .br .br Release Date: July 16, 2013 [eBook #43234] .br .br Language: English .br .br .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BRIGHT IDEAS *** .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 4 Produced by Al Haines\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .push_env .push_env .push_env .sp [Illustration: "\(cqTIS YOUR DOING," SPLUTTERED NOAKES, SHAKING THE SOOT FROM HIS CLOTHES\N'46' (_See page_ 28)] .pop_env .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .push_env .sp 4 .ad c BRIGHT IDEAS .pop_env .push_env .sp .ad c A RECORD OF INVENTION .br AND MISINVENTION .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 .ad c BY .pop_env .push_env .sp .ad c HERBERT STRANG .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c ILLUSTRATED BY C\N'46' E\N'46' BROCK .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c HUMPHREY MILFORD .br OXFORD UNIVERSITY PRESS .br LONDON, EDINBURGH, GLASGOW .br TORONTO, MELBOURNE, CAPE TOWN, BOMBAY .br 1920 .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 4 .ad c *CONTENTS* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp THE SMOKE MACHINE .br TRESPASSERS WILL BE PROSECUTED .br A GAS ATTACK .br THE CLIPPER OF THE ROAD .br THE COLD WATER CURE .br A BRUSH WITH THE ENEMY .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 4 .ad c *LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp .ad c _FRONTISPIECE IN COLOUR_ .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cq\(cqTIS YOUR DOING,\(cq SPLUTTERED NOAKES, SHAKING THE SOOT FROM HIS CLOTHES" (see p\N'46' 38)\N'46' _Frontispiece_ .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "THERE WAS A RATTLING SOUND AND NOAKES WAS HALF OBLITERATED" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "ITS RIDERS WERE FLUNG INTO THE HEDGE" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "TEMPLETON GRIPPED THE UNHAPPY MAN BY THE COLLAR, AND HAULED HIM UP" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqI\(cqVE COTCHED \(cqEE,\(cq HE CRIED" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqHERE I BE, AND HERE I BIDE,\(cq SAID EVES, BRANDISHING THE POKER" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "THEY TRIPPED OVER THE WIRE AND SPRAWLED AT FULL LENGTH" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqYES,\(cq CUT IN EVES, WHO HAD COME OUT INTO THE ROAD\N'46' \(cqIF I WERE YOU, YOUNG FELLER, I\(cqD JOLLY WELL CHUCK HIM INTO THE HORSE-POND\(cq" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "THE BOOM SWUNG OUT, AND CAME INTO SHARP CONTACT, FIRST WITH NOAKES\(cqS HEAD, THEN WITH THE WIND-SCREEN" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "DAZE ME!\(cq SAID THE CONSTABLE\N'46' \(cqSURELY—AY, \(cqTIS THE MAYOR\(cq" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "THE WHOLE CONTENTS OF TEMPLETON\(cqS EXPERIMENTAL TANK POURED DOWN" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "THE LAD DASHED ITS HEAD FULL IN NOAKES\(cqS FACE" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "COVERED THEM WITH A DELUGE OF LIQUID MUD" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 4 .ad c *THE SMOKE MACHINE* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c I .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 Bob Templeton tucked a leg under him on the parapet of the bridge on which he was sitting, and with a look of gloomy disgust spread a number of coins, the contents of his trouser pocket, on the weather-beaten stone\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Eleven and ninepence," he said, dolefully\N'46' "That\(cqs all\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Tom Eves, who had been leaning his elbows on the bridge, and watching the roach darting among the weeds in the clear running stream below, straightened himself, smiled, and, diving a hand into his pocket, gave a comical glance at the coins it returned with, and said: .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, you beat me\N'46' I\(cqve got seven and fivepence halfpenny, and no chance of more for nearly a couple of months\N'46' We\(cqre sturdy beggars: under a pound between us\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You can\(cqt do much with a pound\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "True, old sport, and still less with nineteen and twopence halfpenny\N'46' Might as well not count the halfpenny\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And there was so much I wanted to do\N'46' There\(cqs the levitator, and the smoke machine, and the perpetual pump——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And the microphone, and the lachrymator, and the super-stink——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And the electric cropper, and the tar entanglement, and—but what\(cqs the good of talking? They all mean cash\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, haven\(cqt I read, in the days of my youth, in the excellent Samuel Smiles, that most inventors have been poor men?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs all very well; but they started with more than nineteen and twopence half-penny—and war prices, too! It\(cqs maddening to think what chances we are missing\N'46' This is just the sort of place where you can think out things quietly\N'46' No masters to pounce on your inventions before they are half finished\N'46' That automatic hair-cutter, now; there was a ripping idea simply squashed flat\N'46' A few touches would have made it perfect\N'46' If that blatant ass, young Barker, hadn\(cqt shouted before he was hurt——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Barked before he was bitten\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Eh? Oh, that\(cqs a pun\N'46' I wish you\(cqd be serious\N'46' If he hadn\(cqt shouted and brought old Sandy on the scene the thing might have been finished by now, and on the market\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And what would the Hun say when he came back after the war and found your patent cutter in every one\(cqs pocket? His job would be gone\N'46' Really, I\(cqve a sneaking sympathy with the gentle Hun\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I haven\(cqt—not a ha\(cqporth\N'46' Anyway, now we\(cqve got to begin all over again, simply because young Barker hadn\(cqt the pluck of a—of a——" .pop_env .push_env .sp He paused for want of a word\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Of a cucumber?" suggested Eves, promptly filling the gap\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Yes—of a cucumber," snapped Templeton, who, for all his lack of humour, was quick to suspect levity in his chum\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "By gum, he did look a sight!" added Eves, grinning in gleeful reminiscence\N'46' "Half his crumpet bald as a billiard ball; t\(cqother half moth-eaten\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Serve him right\N'46' If he\(cqd waited until we\(cqd readjusted the clippers, and shut his face instead of raising Cain and bringing old Sandy rushing in at a mile a minute, I\(cqd have made a thorough good job of him\N'46' He was a beautiful subject, too; hadn\(cqt seen a barber for six weeks\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And enough grease on his mane to make the thing self-lubricating\N'46' There\(cqs an idea for you, old man\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Yes; I hadn\(cqt thought of that\N'46' But what\(cqs the good? Here we\(cqre in a quiet village, with the run of old Trenchard\(cqs disused barn; all the conditions favourable, but no funds! Upon my word——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Hullo, Postie," cried Eves at this point\N'46' "Anything for us?" .pop_env .push_env .sp The village postman, a veteran of sixty years, had appeared round the corner of the lane that abutted on the bridge, his boots white with the dust gathered since he had started his morning tramp of ten miles a couple of hours before\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Marnen, young genelmen," said the postman\N'46' "Fine marnen, to be sure\N'46' Ay, I\(cqve got one little small thing in the way of a registered letter\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Then I\(cqve no further interest in you, my friend," said Eves\N'46' "Registered letters are not in my scheme of life\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Good now; that saves me the trouble of asking ye which is Mr\N'46' Robert Templeton\N'46' No, no," he added, as Templeton held out his hand\N'46' "Ye\(cqll sign the bit o\(cq paper first\N'46' Just there, with my pencil, an \(cqee please; \(cqtwon\(cqt rub out, and I\(cqve got to think of my fame in the land; forty year in the service and no complaints, I don\(cqt care who the man is\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton signed the green-tinted receipt slip; the postman handed over the letter, bade them good morning, and shambled away\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "From my aunt," remarked Templeton as he cut open the envelope\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "My prophetic soul!" exclaimed Eves\N'46' "How much, Bob?" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton flourished a ten-pound note, but made no reply until he had read through the accompanying letter, which he then handed to Eves with the remark, "She\(cqs a good old sort\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Wasn\(cqt it Solomon said, \(cqGo to the aunts\(cq?" said Eves\N'46' A broad smile spread over his face as he read the letter, which ran as follows: .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 "MY DEAR NEPHEW, .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "I am really _sorry_ that we shall not be able to spend the holidays together this year, as we have often done so _delightfully_ in the past, but I feel that I am only doing _what is right_\N'46' It is _so important_ in these terrible times that everybody should practise the _strictest economy_ in food; and every one must do what he (_or she_) can for our dear country; and I have every hope that by going about the villages in my caravan, as I told you in my last, and delivering simple lectures on the greens and other public places, I may persuade the dear people, _especially the mothers_, that it is not _really necessary_ to health to have _both_ bacon _and_ eggs for breakfast _every_ morning\N'46' If you were a little older and more experienced I am sure that you would be able _and willing_ to give me _very great_ assistance; but after your _arduous labours_ at school I feel you need complete rest from brain work, and you will get that nowhere so well as with _dear_ Mr\N'46' and Mrs\N'46' Trenchard\N'46' To make up for your disappointment in being deprived of our usual simple pleasures I send you a little pocket-money, which I am sure you will spend _wisely_\N'46' I _hope and believe_ that you will not indulge in luxuries; we all of us owe it to our _King and country_ to eat as little as we can\N'46' You will find that _barley water and onions fried in margarine_ make an excellent light breakfast; will you tell Mrs\N'46' Trenchard that, _with my love_? In the course of my tour I hope to reach Polstead before your holidays come to an end\N'46' I will give you good notice, and rely on you to ensure me a _large audience_\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .push_env .push_env .sp "Your affectionate aunt, .br .if (\n[.n] < 7m) .sp -1 .pop_env .push_env .in +7m .push_env "CAROLINE TEMPLETON\N'46'" .pop_env .pop_env .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 "Excellent Aunt Caroline!" exclaimed Eves\N'46' "But your \(cqarduous work,\(cq Bobby\N'46' My hat!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I work jolly hard\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "The labour we delight in don\(cqt show on our reports, old man\N'46' Anyway, you\(cqve got a tenner\N'46' Better an aunt in England than a pater in India\N'46' The old boy\(cqs all right, of course; I don\(cqt blame him, but that old mummy of a solicitor who manages things here\N'46' He\(cqll pay Mother Trenchard\(cqs weekly bills on the nail, but he won\(cqt send me another penny till next quarter day; theory is, teach me economy, as if any man could come through the summer term with a pocketful of money! The wonder is I\(cqve got fivepence halfpenny plus seven bob\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, Aunt Caroline\(cqs tenner will go a long——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Will go along too fast," Eves interrupted\N'46' "What will you try first?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You see, I\(cqve got such loads of ideas\N'46' Better start with something useful and patriotic\N'46' The hair-cutter can wait\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs rather a pity\N'46' Young Noakes\(cqs flaxen locks are as long and twice as oily as Barker\(cqs\N'46' Still, his father might cut up rough; he\(cqd certainly charge you for the hair-oil you\(cqd wasted\N'46' Noakes gets my bristles up, and Trenchard looks very blue when he calls\N'46' Wonder what he comes for; we\(cqve only been here three days, and he\(cqs called twice at tea-time, and eaten enormously\N'46' Any one could see the Trenchards didn\(cqt want him; asked him to stay out of politeness, I suppose\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I say, we\(cqre not getting on\N'46' There\(cqs the tar entanglement\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Jolly good idea! Thousands of Huns stuck fast like flies on a fly-paper; you know, one of those you unroll and can\(cqt get off your fingers\N'46' But don\(cqt tar come from gasworks?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Really, I don\(cqt know\N'46' Why?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I believe it does\N'46' That idea\(cqs off, then, for the present\N'46' Let\(cqs try something with material we can get close at hand\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, what about the smoke machine? With the submarines sinking our vessels——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Jolly good idea! Lick the submarine, and the Hun\(cqs done—_un_done, you might say\N'46' I vote for the smoke machine, then\N'46' By the way, where will you change your note? A tenner\(cqs a rarity here, I fancy, and Trenchard won\(cqt have any change\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "He\(cqll be going into Wimborne or Weymouth or somewhere to draw his hands\(cq wages at the week-end\N'46' We can jog on till then\N'46' That\(cqs him calling us, isn\(cqt it?" .pop_env .push_env .sp A prolonged shout reminded them that it was time to start work\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Another idea, Bob," said Eves as they crossed the bridge and walked up the road\N'46' "An automatic turnip-puller\N'46' Of all the dreary, deadly, backaching jobs, pulling turnips is the rottenest\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Still, it\(cqs work on the land; got to be done by some one\N'46' An automatic puller: I\(cqll think it over\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *II* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 Fellow-members of the Sixth Form, and close friends, Eves and Templeton were spending the holidays together by force of circumstances\N'46' The latter was an orphan, and lived with his aunt\N'46' She, having embraced the temporary career of lecturer on food economy, had arranged that her nephew should undertake voluntary farm work with Giles Trenchard, whose wife was an old family servant of the Templetons\(cq, and at whose farm, in the Dorset village we will call Polstead, Miss Templeton had visited more than once\N'46' Eves\(cqs parents were in India, and the London lawyer in whose guardianship he was placed raised no objection when he proposed to spend the holidays with his friend\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Five Oaks Farm was of no great size, and had been the property of the Trenchard family for generations\N'46' The present owner, a hale old yeoman whose features were framed for perennial cheerfulness, had latterly looked rather careworn\N'46' A year before the war an epidemic among his cattle had caused him heavy losses\N'46' Both his sons had joined the Army and were now fighting in France, a constant source of anxiety\N'46' Being short-handed, he was glad enough to avail himself of the voluntary help of the two strapping schoolboys of seventeen, and they had already, though only three days at the farm, firmly established themselves in the good graces of both host and hostess by their readiness to turn their hands to any kind of work\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton, however, had not come to this remote rural spot merely to work on the land\N'46' He had a serious belief that he was cut out for an inventor, the only ground for which was an astonishing fertility of ideas\N'46' At school he was always in hot water with the masters; he would rather construct an automatic hair-cutter than a Latin prose\N'46' The prospect of a six or seven weeks\(cq stay in the quiet village, with the sea within a mile, held promise for Templeton of many opportunities for working out his ideas\N'46' There were hours of leisure even on the farm, and Mr\N'46' Trenchard, whom he had at once taken into his confidence, was impressed by his earnestness and put an old barn at his disposal, pleasing himself with the hope that some great invention would spring to birth on Five Oaks Farm\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton took himself very seriously, and, as often happens, attracted to himself a very unlike character in Tom Eves, to whom life was one delightful comedy; even the flint-hearted lawyer was matter for jokes—except at end of term\N'46' While having a genuine admiration for Templeton, Eves\(cqs humorous eye was quick to see the lighter side of his friend\(cqs experiments, and he shared in them for the sake of the fun which he did not often trouble to disguise\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp That evening, when work was over, Eves and Templeton strolled down to the seashore together to discuss plans for the smoke machine\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "You see," said Templeton in his most earnest manner, "in things like this you can\(cqt do better than follow the example of most other inventors, and see if anything in the natural world will give us a start\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqFollow Nature,\(cq" chuckled Eves\N'46' "You remember old Dicky Bird setting that as an essay theme?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Yes; he sent mine up for good\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "He jawed me: sarcastic owl! He was always asking for homely illustrations, as he called them, and when I gave him one he snapped my head off\N'46' I wrote, \(cqAn excellent example of the application of this philosophical maxim in practical life is afforded by the navvy, who, as the most casual observer will often have noticed, dispenses with a handkerchief when he has a cold in the head\N'46'\(cq A jolly good sentence, what?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But I don\(cqt see——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, it\(cqs not worth explaining; it was the explanation that rattled the Dicky Bird\N'46' What were you saying?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I was saying we ought to get a hint from Nature\N'46' What\(cqs the object of the smoke machine?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "To make a deuce of a smother, of course\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Yes, to enable a vessel to hide itself from a submarine\N'46' Well, what\(cqs the nearest thing in Nature?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Give it up; I\(cqm no good at conundrums\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "This isn\(cqt a conundrum; it\(cqs a scientific fact\N'46' You alarm a cuttle-fish, and it squirts out an inky fluid that conceals it from its enemy\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You don\(cqt say so! Jolly clever of it\N'46' Ought to be called the scuttle-fish\N'46' But how does that help you? You want your cloud in the air, not in the water\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Of course\N'46' The idea is to produce a large volume in a short time, of great opacity, yet spreading rapidly over a large area\N'46' What\(cqs the nearest parallel in Nature?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Human nature?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I said Nature\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, human nature\(cqs a part of Nature; and, if you ask me, I should say a careless cook and a foul kitchen chimney—the fire engine up, and a month\(cqs notice\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I do wish you\(cqd be serious\N'46' But you\(cqve hit it all the same\N'46' Half-consumed carbon——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You mean soot?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Soot is half-consumed carbon\N'46' That\(cqs the stuff we want\N'46' It\(cqs the very thing, because a steamship produces loads of it every day\N'46' All you want is a suitable apparatus and what you may call a firing charge\N'46' I\(cqll just make a note\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He took out his note-book, and wrote in his very neat handwriting the following tabular statement: .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 .ad c SMOKE MACHINE\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp .ad c REQUIRED\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp 1\N'46' Soot\N'46' .br 2\N'46' Combustibles\N'46' .br 3\N'46' Receptacle\N'46' .br 4\N'46' Vehicle\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 "Four-wheelers are cheap, but bang goes your tenner, Bobby," said Eves, looking over his shoulder\N'46' "Can\(cqt you do without the vehicle?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You don\(cqt understand\N'46' We must have something to carry the receptacle along at a good speed, like a ship at sea\N'46' A motor-boat would be the very thing, but that\(cqs out of the question\N'46' We must find something cheap to experiment with on land, and if it works I\(cqll send the scheme to the Admiralty, and they\(cqll provide funds for marine tests\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Jolly good idea! I suggest we take the things in order\N'46' Soot first\N'46' What about that? There won\(cqt be much in the chimneys\N'46' Mother Trenchard\(cqs sure to have had a spring cleaning\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "We\(cqll see\N'46' Combustibles are easily got\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Fire-lighters! You can get \(cqem at old Noakes\(cqs; they make a fine smoke themselves and a jolly good stink\N'46' Splendid!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "They might do\N'46' I don\(cqt see my way to numbers three and four at present, but I\(cqll ask Trenchard if he has anything he could let us have cheap; he takes a great interest in my inventions\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Good, old bird\N'46' I say, it\(cqs about supper-time; we\(cqd better get back\N'46' You didn\(cqt say anything to Mrs\N'46' Trenchard about barley water and fried onions and margarine?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Not yet\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Good man! She\(cqll be quite satisfied with Aunt Caroline\(cqs love\N'46' Come on\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp At supper, in the farmer\(cqs raftered living-room, while Templeton was considering how to open up the matter of soot with Mrs\N'46' Trenchard, Eves suddenly began to sniff\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Is that a smell of soot?" he said\N'46' "Does the chimney need sweeping, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "There now!" exclaimed the farmer\(cqs wife, a comfortable-looking matron some years younger than her husband\N'46' "If I didn\(cqt say to Trenchard I was sure the noses of you London gentlemen would find it out! Us country bodies don\(cqt notice it, bless you\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves grinned\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTis true," the good woman went on; "it do need the brush\N'46' But there, what can you do when the milingtary takes the only sweep in the village and makes a soldier of him? I declare I didn\(cqt know him, he was so clean\N'46' \(cqTis a strange thought: the war makes men clean and chimneys dirty\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And takes away my appetite," said Eves, with his mouth half full of bacon\N'46' "Look here, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard, you\(cqre going to market to-morrow morning; why shouldn\(cqt we sweep the chimney for you while you\(cqre away? I\(cqm sure Templeton and I could do it, and we\(cqd like to, awfully\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTis very kind of you, that I will say; but I couldn\(cqt abear to think of you dirtying yourselves\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, that\(cqs nothing\N'46' We get dirty enough on the farm\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But that be clean dirt, not like the bothersome sut\N'46' Besides, there\(cqs no chimney brush and no rods\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Quite unnecessary," declared Eves\N'46' "Templeton has invented a new way of sweeping chimneys, haven\(cqt you, Bob?" He gave him a kick under the table\N'46' "You\(cqve no idea what a lot of useful notions he\(cqs got in his head\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well now, did you ever?" said Mrs\N'46' Trenchard\N'46' "Do \(cqee tell me all about it, Mr\N'46' Templeton\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "To-morrow, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard," said Eves, hastily\N'46' "You see, it\(cqs quite new, and hasn\(cqt been properly tried yet\N'46' An inventor never likes to talk about his inventions until he\(cqs proved they\(cqre a success\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ay sure; he\(cqs in the right there," said Mr\N'46' Trenchard\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I knew you\(cqd agree," said Eves\N'46' "Well, then, we\(cqve settled that we sweep the chimney while you\(cqre out, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard, and we\(cqll tell you all about it when you get back\N'46' You\(cqll be delighted, I assure you\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp When they went up to the room they shared, Templeton turned upon his chum a face of trouble, and began: .pop_env .push_env .sp "Look here, old man, it isn\(cqt right, you know\N'46' You know very well I have not invented a way of——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Hold hard! You don\(cqt mean to tell me you haven\(cqt got it all cut and dried?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, when you began gassing, of course I had to think of something to save my face\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I knew it! The idea was there; it only wanted switching on, like electricity\N'46' What\(cqs the scheme?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Still, I don\(cqt think you ought——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "The scheme! Out with it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, I thought we might get on the roof with a long cord, with weights and a bundle of straw tied to one end, and jerk it up and down inside the chimney\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And the soot falls, and great is the fall of it! Splendid! Couldn\(cqt be better\N'46' We\(cqll have a ripping day to-morrow\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Next morning, soon after breakfast, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard set off for the market town, driving one of the light carts herself\N'46' The farmer went off to his mangold fields; the maids were busy in the dairy across the yard; and the inventors had the house to themselves\N'46' The simple materials they needed were easily obtained, and within an hour the novel sweeping apparatus was ready\N'46' It had been decided that Templeton should climb to the roof, while Eves remained in the room to see how the invention succeeded\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Only when he was left to himself did it occur to Eves that something should be hung in front of the fireplace to prevent the soot from flying into the room, as he had seen done by professional sweeps, and he ran to the potato shed to find an old sack or two that would answer the purpose\N'46' While he was still in the shed, a man entered the yard and looked cautiously around\N'46' He was a strange figure\N'46' A straw slouch hat, yellow with age, covered long, greasy black hair\N'46' His long, straight upper lip was clean shaven, but his cheeks and chin were clothed with thick, wiry whiskers and beard\N'46' He wore a rusty-black frock-coat, grey trousers very baggy at the knees, and white rubber-soled shoes\N'46' It was none other than Philemon Noakes, the owner of the village store, grocer, oilman, draper, seedsman—a rustic William Whiteley\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Seeing no one about, he approached the farmhouse, walking without once straightening his legs, glanced in at the open door, then round the yard, and, after hesitating a moment, entered the room\N'46' Mr\N'46' Trenchard\(cqs desk, open and strewn with papers, stood against the wall to the left\N'46' Noakes walked to it, and had just bent down, apparently with the object of looking over the farmer\(cqs correspondence, when a muffled sound from the neighbourhood of the fireplace caused him to start guiltily and turn half round\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp At that moment Eves, carrying a couple of sacks, arrived at the door\N'46' Seeing the man start away from the desk, he stepped back out of sight to watch what was going on\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Noakes, as if to resolve a doubt or satisfy his curiosity, crept across the room, doubled himself, and looked up the chimney\N'46' There was a rattling sound, and Noakes was half obliterated in a mass of soot, clouds of which floated past him into the room\N'46' Hatless, choking, rubbing his eyes, he staggered back\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .push_env .push_env .sp [Illustration: "THERE WAS A RATTLING SOUND, AND NOAKES WAS HALF OBLITERATED\N'46'"] .pop_env .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "I say, Mr\N'46' Noakes, what _are_ you up to?" said Eves, entering with the sacks\N'46' "What a frightful mess you\(cqre in!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTis your doing," spluttered Noakes, shaking the soot from his clothes\N'46' "\(cqTis you, I know \(cqtis, and I\(cqll—I\(cqll——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Gently, Mr\N'46' Noakes, don\(cqt be rash\N'46' Why you should accuse me when I\(cqm perfectly innocent—you\(cqve hurt my feelings, Mr\N'46' Noakes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What about my feelings?" shouted the angry man\N'46' "\(cqTis a plot betwixt you and t\(cqother young villain, and——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Really, Mr\N'46' Noakes, with every consideration for your wounded feelings, I must say I think you most insulting\N'46' Who on earth was to know that you\(cqd be paying one of your visits just at the moment when the chimney was being swept, and would choose that very moment to look up the chimney? You surely didn\(cqt expect to find Mr\N'46' Trenchard there?" .pop_env .push_env .sp Noakes glared; at the same time his eyes expressed a certain uneasiness\N'46' How much had this smooth-spoken young ruffian seen? Picking up his hat he shook the soot from it, rammed it on his head, and strode to the door\N'46' There he turned, shouted, "You\(cqve not heard the last of this," and hurried away\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp When Templeton came in a minute later he found Eves sitting back in a chair, shaking with laughter\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "My word, what a frightful mess!" exclaimed Templeton\N'46' "I forgot all about a covering\N'46' It\(cqs nothing to laugh at\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, isn\(cqt it! If you\(cqd only seen him, soot all over his greasy head, and the more he rubbed his face the worse it got\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What on earth are you talking about?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Old Noakes\N'46' It\(cqs a priceless invention, Bob\N'46' Great minds don\(cqt think of little things, but _I_ remembered the covering and fetched these two sacks\N'46' When I got back Noakes was here, prying into Trenchard\(cqs papers\N'46' But I fancy he heard a sound, for he went over to the chimney, and then—by George! you\(cqve missed the funniest sight ever seen\N'46' He\(cqs only just gone, in a most frightful paddy\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I don\(cqt wonder\N'46' Don\(cqt see anything funny in it myself\N'46' I called down \(cqAre you ready?\(cq and if you\(cqd been here as we arranged it wouldn\(cqt have happened\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Of course it wouldn\(cqt, and old Noakes wouldn\(cqt have been jolly well paid out for sneaking\N'46' What\(cqs he want nosing about at a time when he thought every one was out? Trenchard must be told\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I don\(cqt know about that, but I do know we\(cqd better clear up this mess before Mrs\N'46' Trenchard gets back\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Or she\(cqll think precious little of your invention\N'46' It\(cqs a great success, anyway; you\(cqve got more soot than you expected\N'46' And old Noakes carried away a lot\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *III* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 In Mrs\N'46' Trenchard\(cqs absence there was to be no midday dinner\N'46' After clearing up the mess with the assistance of one of the dairy-maids (who called it "a rare messopotamia as anybody ever did see"), the two lads went to join the farmer at lunch in the fields\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "That there invention, now," said Mr\N'46' Trenchard\N'46' "Hev it worked?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Splendid!" said Eves, emphatically\N'46' "We\(cqve got two good sacks of soot and scared a slug\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "It don\(cqt take a mighty deal to do that, sir," said the farmer with a smile\N'46' "I\(cqll find that soot useful, and I\(cqm much obleeged to \(cqee, to be sure\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, but, Mr\N'46' Trenchard, could you spare me some?" said Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "For another invention," Eves added\N'46' "He\(cqs got a jolly good idea for protecting our ships from the U-boats, and soot\(cqs in it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "As much as you do want, surely\N'46' I\(cqd gie more\(cqn a little to scrimp them there engines of iniquity\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And perhaps you could help me with something else," said Templeton\N'46' "I want a sort of metal box; any old thing would do, something that\(cqs no good for anything else\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I can find \(cqee summat, I b\(cqlieve\N'46' There be an old tank in the shed behind the dairy, where I keep th\(cq old tricycle\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "A tricycle!" exclaimed Eves\N'46' "What about that for number four, Bob?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "The very thing! Will you lend it or sell it, Mr\N'46' Trenchard?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqll take no money from a young gent as is inventing for his country, danged if I will\N'46' \(cqTis a old ancient thing that I bought five-and-twenty year ago for me and the missus\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "A sociable!" cried Eves\N'46' "We are in luck\(cqs way\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTis called such, I b\(cqlieve," said the farmer\N'46' "Ay, \(cqtis many a year since the missus and me went gallivanting about the country\N'46' She were a nesh young maid then, so to speak it; you wouldn\(cqt think it to see the size she\(cqve growed to\N'46' I\(cqve kep\(cq th\(cq old thing for the sake o\(cq them gay young days\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "If you can spare us this afternoon, I\(cqd like to experiment with it," said Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Surely, and welcome, and I hope \(cqtwill serve \(cqee\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Hurrying back to the farmhouse they drew the tricycle from the shed and tried its paces over the yard\N'46' It was rusty and stiff, but a little oil eased the parts, and Templeton was delighted with his number four\N'46' The tank of which Mr\N'46' Trenchard had spoken was made of galvanised iron, and had several holes pierced in each side\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "The very thing!" cried Templeton\N'46' "We\(cqll make some more holes at different heights, Tom\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What for?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "My idea is to rig up some trays inside the tank, one above another; there are several old sheets of iron lying about\N'46' They\(cqll hold the soot and combustibles\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "By George! we forgot to ask Mother Trenchard to bring some firelighters\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Never mind about them for the moment\N'46' We\(cqll bore holes just above the trays, and put in some straw soaked in paraffin, and light it\N'46' Then when we start there\(cqll be a fine draught through the holes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Splendid! But shan\(cqt we be fairly choked?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Of course we\(cqll rig up the tank behind us; the smoke will all blow back\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves eyed the tricycle dubiously\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "It\(cqll be the dickens of a job to fix this heavy tank," he said\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, we\(cqll manage it\N'46' There\(cqs plenty of wire about, and we can hunt up something that will do for stays\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp They worked energetically all the afternoon\N'46' Templeton\(cqs patience and ingenuity triumphed over all difficulties\N'46' The tank slipped off several times, but at last it was firmly fixed with an elaborate arrangement of stays and wire, and when Mrs\N'46' Trenchard returned, between five and six o\(cqclock, she beheld her guests careering round the farmyard, making a trial trip\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, I never did see!" she exclaimed, pulling up the horse at the gate\N'46' "Whatever hev happened to the old tricycle?" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves waved his hand gleefully\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Splendid!" he cried, as Templeton halted the machine beside the cart\N'46' "A new invention, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTis like the butcher\(cqs contraption I saw in the town, only the box is behind instead of afore\N'46' What be the hidden meaning of that, I\(cqd like to know?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "It won\(cqt be hidden long, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard\N'46' But the sun will be hidden; there\(cqll be an eclipse to-night\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Go along with your rubbish, Mr\N'46' Eves\N'46' The sun will go down at his proper time, whatever the clocks do say; they Parlyment men up along at Lunnon can\(cqt make no eclipses, don\(cqt think it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Templeton means to; don\(cqt you, Bob?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "He _does_ talk rubbish, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard," said Templeton, earnestly\N'46' "All that he means is that we\(cqre going to try making a thick smoke, to see if we can hide our ships from the German submarines\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, never did I hear the like o\(cq that! You\(cqll need a powerful deal o\(cq smoke, Mr\N'46' Templeton\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Of course, this is only experimental, on a very small scale\N'46' If it succeeds——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "He\(cqll be rolling in wealth, and you shall have a new bonnet, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard," said Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ah, me! That do remind me of my boy Joe, to be sure; allers a-going to be rich and gie me a new bonnet\N'46' And now, poor boy, he\(cqs in them there horrible trenches, and the rats——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Cheer up, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard," said Eves, hastily, spying a tear\N'46' "I\(cqm sorry for the rats, from what you\(cqve told us of Joe\N'46' I\(cqm sure you want your tea after your long day\N'46' We want ours, I can tell you; and after tea, Templeton will give you a demonstration of this splendid invention\N'46' I say, Bob," he added, when Mrs\N'46' Trenchard had gone into the house, "while they\(cqre making tea there\(cqll be just time for you to cut down to the village and buy some firelighters at old Noakes\(cqs\N'46' I don\(cqt suppose he\(cqd serve me\N'46' Hurry up\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Mr\N'46' Trenchard returning from the fields a few minutes later, Eves unburdened himself\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I say, Mr\N'46' Trenchard," he said, "when I told you we scared a slug, I didn\(cqt mean one of those small slimy things, you know\N'46' I meant Mr\N'46' Noakes\N'46' I caught him poking his nose into your papers this morning\N'46' I think you ought to know\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Do \(cqee tell me that, now?" said the farmer, looking distressed\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Honest Injun\N'46' He was over at your desk when we were sweeping the chimney, and the fact is, he got a mouthful of soot and went away fuming\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqd never have believed it, and him a chapel member," said Mr\N'46' Trenchard\N'46' "Don\(cqt \(cqee go for to anger Mr\N'46' Noakes, sir, med I beseech \(cqee\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "All right\N'46' I dare say he\(cqll keep out of our way\N'46' Of course, if he\(cqs a friend of yours——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I wouldn\(cqt say that, sir, but as the Book do say, \(cqas much as lieth in you, be at peace wi\(cq all men\N'46'\(cq" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Jolly good idea! If the other chap won\(cqt be at peace with you, then you must go for him\N'46' Splendid!" .pop_env .push_env .sp After tea they made their first trial at smoke production\N'46' Placing a layer of soot on each of the trays, with a couple of fire-lighters in the midst, they lit some straw soaked in paraffin, poked it through the holes, and began to treadle the machine round the yard, the farmer and his wife looking on at the door\N'46' A considerable volume of smoke poured out of the tank, but when they pulled up, Mr\N'46' Trenchard said: .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTis a noble beginning, to be sure; but I own, so to speak, I could allers see that there tank through the smother, and if I understand your true meaning, that hadn\(cqt oughter be\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Quite right," said Templeton\N'46' "We want more of a draught, Tom\N'46' Larger holes and greater speed\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Righto!" said Eves\N'46' "Will you chisel the holes larger? Then we might start on a real cruise—down the hill to the village, say\N'46' You can\(cqt work up much speed in the yard\N'46' What do you think of it, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I know why my chimney wanted sweeping so bad, Mr\N'46' Eves\N'46' Ay sure, ye\(cqre just as full of mischief as my Joe\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Half an hour\(cqs work with a chisel and hammer sufficed to enlarge the holes\N'46' They then filled up the trays with more soot and firelighters, kindled a fire, and when the smoke began to surge, ran the machine out at the gate on to the high-road\N'46' A winding hill, nearly half a mile long, led down to the village\N'46' The slope was not very steep; the tricycle with its tank was heavy, and the bearings rusty; but by dint of hard pedalling they soon worked up a good speed, and the increased draught caused the smoke to pour forth in a dense cloud, ever increasing in volume and pungency\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Meanwhile in the village young Noakes had noticed the first issues of smoke, and ran into his father\(cqs shop shouting: .pop_env .push_env .sp "Feyther, feyther, Farmer Trenchard\(cqs ricks be afire!" .pop_env .push_env .sp Noakes, in a state of great agitation, rushed to the door in his apron, glanced up the hill, and cried, excitedly: .pop_env .push_env .sp "Fire, fire! Run and rouse up the neighbours, Josiah\N'46' \(cqTis a matter o\(cq hundreds o\(cq pounds\N'46' Fire!" .pop_env .push_env .sp The boy set off through the village at a frantic run, shrieking "Fire!" at the top of his voice\N'46' Out rushed the baker in his singlet straight from the oven; the butcher in blue with his chopper; the smith from his forge, rolling up his leather apron; the agricultural labourers, smoking their after-tea pipes; the village constable in his shirt-sleeves\N'46' The little street filled with women and children, the latter flocking to the shed where the village fire manual was kept, and towards which the tradesmen, members of the volunteer fire brigade, were hastening\N'46' Waiting only to don their helmets, the men dragged the clumsy machine forth, Noakes being the most energetic, and began to drag it up the hill, the children following in a swarm\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "It do seem out a\(cqready, sonnies," said the smith, before they had gone many yards\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs true as gospel," said the baker\N'46' "Do \(cqee think I med go back to my dough, neighbours?" .pop_env .push_env .sp They came to a halt\N'46' It was the interval during which Eves and Templeton were overhauling and restocking the machine\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTis a mercy for Trenchard," added the smith\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "A merciful Providence," murmured Noakes, the lines of anxiety disappearing from his face\N'46' "Run up along and tell neighbour Trenchard how we all do heartily rejoice, Josiah\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The boy started, but the moment after he had turned the first corner he came rushing back with his eyes like saucers\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Feyther," he yelled, "fire bain\(cqt out\N'46' \(cqTis blazing worse, and ricks be ramping down along like giant Goliath!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTis a true word, save us all!" cried the baker\N'46' "What in the name——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Now, sonnies, haul away," cried the smith\N'46' "Ricks hev staddles but no legs, as fur as I do know\N'46' \(cqTis the wind blowing the smoke down along\N'46' Now, all together\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The windings of the road, and the hedges on each side, prevented them from getting a clear view of this singular phenomenon\N'46' All that they were aware of was a dense cloud of black smoke approaching them very rapidly\N'46' They had just restarted the manual engine when, round the bend just ahead, the tricycle shot into view with a huge trail of smoke behind it\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Sakes alive!" gasped the smith\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp The children yelled, and fled down the road\N'46' The men, after an instant\(cqs dismayed irresolution, scattered up the banks into the hedges, leaving the engine standing half across the road\N'46' Noakes, on whose face a dark flush had gathered as he recognised Eves, backed into a hazel and flourished his fists\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton, who was steering, tried to turn the machine into the hedge before it reached the manual\N'46' But he was a shade too late; the off wheel fouled the engine; the tricycle spun round; its riders were flung into the hedge, and the trays, parting company with the tank as it overturned, were distributed in several directions, bestowing a good portion of their noisome contents impartially among the members of the fire brigade\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .push_env .push_env .sp [Illustration: "ITS RIDERS WERE FLUNG INTO THE HEDGE\N'46'"] .pop_env .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .sp The inventors picked themselves up, rubbed their elbows, and approached the discomfited villagers, who, coughing and spluttering, were now descending into the road\N'46' Templeton looked serious; Eves wore a broad grin\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Really, I\(cqm extremely sorry," began the former\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Sorry be jowned!" shouted the baker\N'46' "Sorry won\(cqt clean my hands, and my dough a-spoiling\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTis rank pison!" cried the butcher\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Assault and battery and attempted murder," shrieked Noakes, furiously\N'46' "Wi\(cq my own firelighters!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Let us discuss it calmly," said Templeton\N'46' "No one can regret more than I the—the inconvenience to which you have been put, quite without intention, I assure you——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But the fact is," Eves interposed, pointing to the manual, "you were on the wrong side of the road\N'46' Constable, I appeal to you\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The constable, who had left his fire helmet in the hedge, scratched his head, the villagers looking at him expectantly\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, neighbours all," he said, slowly, "the law\(cqs what it is, and I\(cqm not the man, being sworn in my office of constable—\(cqt ud be high treason or worse to gainsay it\N'46' And I don\(cqt care who the man is, that there manual be on the right when the law says it oughter be on the left, and no true man can deny it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs for horses and carts, for horses and carts," fumed Noakes\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "As a man I respect you, neighbour Noakes," said the constable, solemnly, "but as a officer of the law I say you don\(cqt know nothing about it\N'46' The manual\(cqs a vehicle; well, then, the law\(cqs no respecter of persons, and what be law for a horse and cart be law for a manual; ay sure, for a baby\(cqs pram, if so be a pram was in custody\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs all very well," said the baker, "but what\(cqs the law say about foul smoke? Tell us that, constable\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Foul smoke be from factory chimneys; t\(cqother smoke bain\(cqt foul\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Of course not," said Eves\N'46' "You\(cqve got the law at your finger-ends, constable\N'46' The penalty for being on the wrong side is a heavy fine, isn\(cqt it?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That depends on whether \(cqtis Squire Banks or Sir Timothy on the bench, sir\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, my friend won\(cqt prosecute, I\(cqm sure\N'46' And when I tell you he was trying a new invention for beating the Germans, you\(cqll be sorry you\(cqve ruined it through being on the wrong side of the road\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Wish we\(cqd knowed that afore, sir," said the smith\N'46' "The truth on\(cqt is, we thought \(cqtwas Farmer Trenchard\(cqs ricks afire\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And like true Britons you rushed to help your neighbour\N'46' Splendid! I\(cqll tell Mr\N'46' Trenchard how promptly the brigade turned out; he\(cqs very lucky in having such good friends\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Speaking for us all, sir——" began the smith\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Not for me," Noakes interrupted, savagely\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Hear what the man hev got to say, neighbour Noakes," said the baker\N'46' "Mebbe I won\(cqt agree with him myself, but I\(cqm not the man to say so afore he\(cqs hawked it out\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Speaking for us all," the smith went on, "I\(cqm certain sure there\(cqs not a man of us but hopes the gen\(cqlman\(cqs invention bain\(cqt ruined out and out\N'46' Anything as will beat the Germans hev our hearty good wishes, eh, souls?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Hear, hear!" cried the butcher\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "There, neighbour Noakes, you was too primitive," said the baker, reprovingly\N'46' "\(cqTis a good cause we suffer in, and I\(cqm not the man to complain\N'46' And speaking for us all, I say three cheers for the young gen\(cqlman\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The cheers were given, Noakes dissenting\N'46' Eves shook hands with them all round, Noakes excepted\N'46' Then he helped them to right the manual, and gave them a genial good-bye as they trundled it off\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "We\(cqve had a ripping day, Bob," he said, mopping his brow\N'46' "The smoke was splendid—a first-rate stink\N'46' Old Noakes\(cqs face was a picture\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He laughed heartily\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm afraid the tricycle is crocked for ever," said Templeton with a gloomy look, "and I don\(cqt approve——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, pax! You can pay Trenchard for the old thing out of your tenner; and you\(cqre jolly ungrateful\N'46' If I hadn\(cqt chipped in they wouldn\(cqt have cheered you\N'46' Let\(cqs pick up the ruins and get \(cqem back somehow\N'46' Buck up!" .pop_env .push_env .sp Mr\N'46' Trenchard received Templeton\(cqs apologies for the break-up of the tricycle very good-naturedly\N'46' He refused his offer to buy it or have it repaired\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTis come to a good end, if so be your invention is a success," he said\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton drew out a specification of his smoke machine and sent it to the Ministry of Munitions\N'46' In about a fortnight he received a formal letter of acknowledgment\N'46' But by that time he had almost forgotten the smoke machine, other ideas having absorbed his attention and activities\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 4 .ad c *TRESPASSERS WILL BE PROSECUTED* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *I* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 Mrs\N'46' Trenchard that evening, after a brief absence from the living-room, reappeared in her best flowered bonnet and a muslin shawl and announced her intention of going "just there and back\N'46'" Her husband, who was reading the newspaper, looked up and nodded\N'46' Templeton was sketching out a specification, and did not hear what she said\N'46' Eves gave her a cheerful _au revoir_ from the depths of the chair where he lay at ease, and smiled at her retreating form\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTis like that, sir," said the farmer, catching his look\N'46' "\(cqThere and back\(cq in our family do mean a gossip with Martha Runt\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "The wife of Runt the smith?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ay, that be the woman\N'46' I\(cqve not a word to say against Martha—not a word; but she be a rare workman with her tongue\N'46' We shan\(cqt see no more of Mother till supper-time\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He relapsed into his paper, and Eves stretched his legs and watched Templeton steadily pursuing his task\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Mrs\N'46' Trenchard returned a good hour before she was expected\N'46' Her rosy cheeks were flushed a deeper shade than usual; her bonnet was awry\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I never did!" she exclaimed, pulling the strings into a knot\N'46' "No, never in all my born days, without a word of a lie in it—never hev I seed or heard no such goings on\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What hev ruffled yer spirits, Mother?" asked the farmer, mildly\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "You may talk till yer throat be dry as a kex, Trenchard," cried the angry woman, "but you\(cqll never make me believe as black\(cqs white—never!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What silly ass has been trying to, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard?" said Eves, sitting up\N'46' He had passed a dull evening\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "There\(cqs my boy Joe," she went on\N'46' "What did he do, though only a Territorial and not supposed to move a leg out of his parish? \(cqMum,\(cq says he—you heard un wi\(cq yer own ears, Trenchard—\(cq\(cqtis said here and there they want men in France\N'46' Seems to me I must go\N'46'\(cq \(cqThat heathen land!\(cq says I\N'46' \(cqAy, that\(cqs the place,\(cq says he; \(cqwe\(cqre all going\N'46'\(cq And go he did, and what wi\(cq the rats and the mud——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Now, now, don\(cqt \(cqee carry on, Mother," said the farmer, seeing that his wife\(cqs eyes were filling\N'46' "Who\(cqve been vexing yer soul? And I don\(cqt care who the man is——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Man! He baint no man\N'46' He\(cqs a conscientious objection\N'46' You\(cqd never believe it, Trenchard\N'46' When I traipsed down along to village, there was a crowd of a dozen or more by church gate, and, thinks I, \(cqThey be talking o\(cq young gentleman\(cqs invention\(cq; but, coming up to them, no such thing; \(cqtwas that lad of Noakes\(cqs holding forth, preaching peace as bold as brass\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You don\(cqt say so, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard," cried Eves\N'46' "That little chap with the long hair?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "No, no, Mr\N'46' Eves; little Josiah baint so gifted\N'46' \(cqTwas Noakes\(cqs elder lad, Nahum by name, as went away to work in Weymouth a year or two back, and now home he comes boasting of how he \(cqscaped the Army, and telling folks the war is wrong, and we be as much to blame as they Germans, and no one didn\(cqt oughter fight for their country, and a pack of rubbish\N'46' All fighting be against his conscience, says he—a pretty conscience, indeed, as growed sudden when the Lords and Parlyment said every man was a born soldier\N'46' Conscience! Why, Trenchard, you mind how he used to leather his feyther\(cqs horse; and many\(cqs the time I\(cqve seed un cuff and pinch his little brother till the poor soul hollered wi\(cq pain\N'46' The likes of him! What them there tribunals be about in letting him off when good boys like my Joe, as wouldn\(cqt hurt a fly and haven\(cqt got no conscience—there, \(cqtis a scandal, and makes my blood boil, it do\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, well, Mother," said Mr\N'46' Trenchard, "I\(cqll go as fur\(cqs to say I agree with \(cqee; but I wouldn\(cqt say a word against Mr\N'46' Noakes\N'46' He\(cqs a man of renown in the parish\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "The dickens he is!" ejaculated Eves, who had followed Mrs\N'46' Trenchard\(cqs story with the liveliest interest\N'46' Templeton, also, having finished his draft, had listened with his usual air of thoughtfulness\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Judging by the price he charged for those firelighters," he said, "Mr\N'46' Noakes is a profiteer\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Prophet neither here nor there, for all his Bible name, and his sons\(cq likewise," said Mrs\N'46' Trenchard\N'46' "That there Nahum, coming here and stuffing his unnat\(cqral thoughts into the heads of our young fellers whose time be nigh come! There was Billy Runt, and young Pantany, and Tim Coggins, and such—oh! it did rile me, and I hadn\(cqt the heart to go there, so I comed home along\N'46' And bless \(cqee, he be going to wag his tongue again to-morrow, and axed the boys to bring all their friends to hear un\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Splendid!" cried Eves\N'46' "I say, Bob, we\(cqll go\N'46' You can nobble the audience for Aunt Caroline\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp This suggestion was not immediately accepted by Templeton, but in the privacy of their bedroom it bore fruit\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "This is rather serious, you know, Tom," he said\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Broken a collar-stud, old man?" Eves rejoined\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "No; I mean this speechifying\N'46' It\(cqs not right for the fellow to turn the village boys against military service\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Gas like that won\(cqt do much harm\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But it may\N'46' It ought to be stopped\N'46' It\(cqs our duty to stop it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Jolly good idea! Start an opposition meeting and talk him down\N'46' Ripping rag!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm afraid I\(cqm not up to that\N'46' You see——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Leave it to me, then\N'46' I bet I can rattle my tongue faster than Nahum Noakes\N'46' By George! Bobby, what an awful name!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You don\(cqt understand, Tom\N'46' It isn\(cqt talk that\(cqs wanted\N'46' The question is, is he sincere? If he is—well, what about free speech?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "A free kick is more to the purpose\N'46' But what are you driving at?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, oughtn\(cqt we to find out if he really has a conscientious objection?—test him, you know? Mrs\N'46' Trenchard seemed to doubt it, and if he\(cqs a humbug he ought to be exposed\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Just so, Socrates\N'46' I\(cqll kick him, and see how he takes it\N'46' You can\(cqt take him to pieces like a clock, and examine his innards\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs the difficulty\N'46' Your idea won\(cqt do at all\N'46' You can\(cqt justify an unprovoked assault\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I jolly well can\N'46' But I\(cqm dead beat; pedalling that heavy old machine nearly biffed me\N'46' Sleep on it, Bob; perhaps you\(cqll dream one of your bright ideas\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp But in the morning Templeton confessed that he had slept as sound as a top, and hadn\(cqt given the matter another thought\N'46' Meditation during the day was not more fruitful, and in the evening, when they went down to the meeting-place opposite the church porch, Templeton had come to the conclusion that they had better hear what Noakes had to say, and act as circumstances seemed to require\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp On the way they met Haylock, the constable, nodded to him, and passed on\N'46' After a few seconds, however, Eves ran back, saying: .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqll catch you in half a tick, Bob\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton strolled on, too busy with his thoughts even to wonder what his friend had to say to the policeman, or to notice the broad smile on Eves\(cqs face when he overtook him\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp They found that the meeting had already started\N'46' A group of the male villagers, old and young, was gathered in a half-circle in front of a sturdy-looking fellow of some twenty years, who was perched on the churchyard wall\N'46' Nahum Noakes\(cqs appearance was that of an unusually robust clerk\N'46' His black hair was cut short; his straw hat was tilted back, showing a neat middle parting and well-oiled side-shows\N'46' He wore a pointed collar and a lilac tie; his grey flannel trousers were hitched up, revealing lilac socks neatly stretched above brown shoes\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "You want to know what I said to the tribunal?" he was saying as the two new-comers sauntered up\N'46' His accent was that of a countryman overlaid with a thin veneer of town polish\N'46' "I\(cqll tell \(cqee\N'46' \(cqYour name?\(cq says the chairman\N'46' \(cqNoakes,\(cq says I\N'46' \(cqChristian name?\(cq says he\N'46' \(cqNahum,\(cq says I\N'46' \(cqYes, your name,\(cq says he\N'46' \(cqNahum,\(cq says I\N'46' \(cqDon\(cqt waste our time,\(cq says he; \(cqwhat is your _other_ name besides Noakes?\(cq \(cqNahum,\(cq says I\N'46' You see, neighbours, I was taking a rise out of him\N'46' \(cqIs the man an idiot?\(cq says he\N'46' \(cqNo, he\(cqs not, and he knows his Bible,\(cq says I\N'46' That was a good one, wasn\(cqt it? Well, there was a young officer there, only a lieutenant, but as stuck up as if he was commander-in-chief\N'46' Military representative, he\(cqs called, I believe\N'46' He had a paper in his hand, and he cocked his eye at it, and said: \(cqThe man\(cqs Christian name is Nahum, I find\N'46'\(cq \(cqOh! ah!\(cq says the chairman, fixing his eyeglass\N'46' \(cqOne of the minor prophets\N'46' Well, Nahum Noakes, what are the grounds of your appeal?\(cq \(cqI don\(cqt hold with fighting,\(cq says I; \(cq\(cqtis against my principles\N'46'\(cq One of the tribunal, a little worm of a feller, pipes up: \(cqWhat would you do, my man, if the Germans landed?\(cq \(cqI\(cqd meet \(cqem as men and brothers,\(cq says I\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Was they yer principles when you cracked young Beddoe\(cqs skull for saying as you sanded yer feyther\(cqs sugar?" cried a voice from the outskirts of the crowd\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp There was a titter; Mr\N'46' Noakes, who had been listening to his son\(cqs eloquence with a fond smile of paternal pride, scowled at the interrupter, Runt the smith\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Abuse is no argument, Mr\N'46' Runt," said Nahum, obviously nettled\N'46' "What happened years ago when I lived in the village is not to the point\N'46' Since I\(cqve been a resident in the town I\(cqve done a deal of deep thinking, I can tell you, and studied a lot of subjects you\(cqve never heard of——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ever study phrenology?" asked Templeton, moving forward with Eves into the circle\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Got it?" whispered Eves, eagerly\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Perhaps," returned Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Nahum stared at his questioner\N'46' The villagers drew together, Runt winked at Coggins the butcher\N'46' Mr\N'46' Noakes looked annoyed, and stiffened his long, straight upper lip\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "You said?" began Nahum\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I asked you if you had ever studied phrenology, the science of reading the mind through the skull\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, I won\(cqt exactly say that I\(cqve been very deep into it, but——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Allow me," interrupted Eves, who had taken his cue\N'46' "Having only just returned to the village, you don\(cqt know my friend, Mr\N'46' Templeton, who has gone very deeply into loads of things, I assure you\N'46' Mr\N'46'—I think you said Nahum Noakes—you are really a splendid specimen for the phrenologist, and a little examination of your bumps——" .pop_env .push_env .sp Nahum started back as Eves approached\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "It is quite painless, I assure you," said Eves, soothingly\N'46' "Mr\N'46' Templeton will only pass his hand gently over your head, and from the configuration of the cranium he will read your character like an open book\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I don\(cqt think I need even touch your head," said Templeton\N'46' "If you will kindly just raise your hat— .pop_env .push_env .sp "Give it a trial, Nahum," said Runt\N'46' At first puzzled, like the rest of the villagers, he had now risen to the situation, and was ready to lend his aid in its development\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "See if the young gen\(cql\(cqman be right," added Coggins\N'46' "We all know \(cqee, from a baby up\(cqard\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Half suspicious, angry at the interruption of his discourse, and still more at the sniggers of some of the younger members of the group, Nahum seemed to think that to acquiesce was the shortest cut out of his quandary\N'46' He took off his hat\N'46' Templeton stood in front of him, inspecting his head with the gravity of a judge at a cattle show\N'46' Nahum looked simply foolish\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton moved slowly round, and leant on the wall to get a back view of Nahum\(cqs head\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Yes, it seems genuine," he said at last\N'46' "I don\(cqt find the bump of pugnacity\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Which means that he doesn\(cqt mind what you do to him?" said Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Just so\N'46' He\(cqs not a fighter\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Nahum\(cqs face cleared; his father shed a gratified smile around the group\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Supposing some one pulled his nose?" Eves went on\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "He couldn\(cqt possibly resent it," replied Templeton\N'46' "It would be quite safe\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp A loud guffaw from Runt brought a flush to Nahum\(cqs cheeks, and a scowl to his brow\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqd like to see any one try it," he muttered\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Instantly Eves shot out his hand, seized the somewhat prominent member in question, and pulled\N'46' Nahum sprang from the wall and hit out\N'46' Eves nimbly evaded the blow, and for half a minute dodged up and down like the matador at a bull-fight, pursued by the infuriate youth, who became only the more enraged as his clenched fists beat upon empty air\N'46' Shouts of laughter broke from the crowd\N'46' "Mind yer principles," cried the smith\N'46' "Gie un a larruping!" bellowed Mr\N'46' Noakes\N'46' Templeton looked worried\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp At this moment the constable elbowed his way into the arena\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Good now, gen\(cql\(cqmen," he said; "this be what the law do call a breach of the peace, and I\(cqm not so sure but \(cqtis time to take \(cqee both into custody for obstructing the police in the execution of his duty\N'46'" He took Nahum\(cqs arm\N'46' "Come, come, sonny\N'46' I be surprised, and you such a man of peace as never was\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ay, and he axed the gen\(cql\(cqman to pull his nose, he did so," said the smith\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "True, he said he\(cqd like to see any one try it," said Coggins\N'46' "The gen\(cql\(cqman only took him at his word—hee, hee!" .pop_env .push_env .sp Aware now of the pitfall into which he had fallen, Nahum broke away from the constable, plunged through the crowd, and hurried away, followed closely by his father\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "A rare good randy, sir," said the smith to Eves, "but I hope Philemon won\(cqt make \(cqee pay for it\N'46' Howsomever, Nahum\(cqs tongue won\(cqt wag no more, maybe, and that\(cqll be for the good o\(cq the nation\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Another ripping day, Bob," said Eves, as he walked home with Templeton\N'46' "That idea of yours was splendid\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I was quite serious," said Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "You always are, old man\N'46' But you don\(cqt mean to say you really meant to feel the fellow\(cqs bumps?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I did, till I funked the bear\(cqs grease\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And there really is a bump of pugnacity?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Of course there is—combativeness, they call it\N'46' It\(cqs at the back, low down\N'46' The fellow hadn\(cqt got a trace of it\N'46' I really think——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You\(cqll be the death of me, Bob\N'46' A fellow who lashed out like that not combative? Why, you can see it in his face—bully\(cqs written there as plain as a pikestaff\N'46' It\(cqs jolly lucky you\(cqve got me to work out your ideas! Anyway, it was a good rag, well worth half-a-crown\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What do you mean?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, I tipped old Haylock half-a-crown to barge in if he heard a row\N'46' That leaves me four and elevenpence halfpenny\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 A few days later Lieutenant Cradock, military representative at the county tribunal, rode over on his motor-bicycle and had a short interview with Constable Haylock\N'46' With the constable perched on the carrier he went on to Trenchard\(cqs farm, and found Eves and Templeton digging energetically along the border of a field\N'46' A conversation ensued, freely punctuated with laughter, and the officer rode away\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Next day a summons reached Nahum Noakes to attend an adjourned meeting of the tribunal\N'46' The chairman announced that an incident reported by the military representative hardly squared with the appellant\(cqs professions, and Nahum Noakes, passed A1, was handed over to the military authorities\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *II* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 Spring and summer had been very dry, and Farmer Trenchard\(cqs fields, lying on a rocky upland, gave promise of but an indifferent harvest\N'46' The growth was thin, the stalks were short and yellow, the husks lean\N'46' The farmer had almost given up hope of his cereals, and his root crops could only be saved if the drought was soon broken\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp On the morning following the affair of Nahum Noakes\(cqs bumps Mr\N'46' Trenchard was walking along the edge of one of his fields, looking disconsolately at the drooping upper-growth of the carrots\N'46' Eves and Templeton were hoeing some little distance away\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Here\(cqs old Noakes," said Eves, suddenly\N'46' "Wonder if he\(cqs come to grouse about yesterday?" .pop_env .push_env .sp Mr\N'46' Noakes, dressed as usual in his rusty frock-coat, but wearing a new straw slouch hat—his old one had not survived its bath of soot—was shambling up the field to meet the farmer\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Marnen, neighbour Trenchard," he said\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Marnen, Mr\N'46' Noakes," returned the farmer, with the air of timidity that marked all his intercourse with his neighbour\N'46' The two men stood together, Noakes smug and self-satisfied, Trenchard downcast and almost humble\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "It do seem you\(cqd be the better for a drop of rain," Noakes went on\N'46' "The ground be dust dry\N'46' Them there carrots baint no good\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "True; I\(cqm afeared \(cqtwill be a bad year wi\(cq me\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, we\(cqre in the hands of Them above," said Noakes, smiling and rubbing his hands slowly together\N'46' "The old ancient men of Egypt had their lean years and their years of plenty; we can\(cqt look for no different in these here end o\(cq the world times\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ah, Mr\N'46' Noakes, I don\(cqt gainsay \(cqee, but \(cqtud hev made all the difference to me, a good moist season\N'46' I be afeard I shall have to axe \(cqee——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Not a word, neighbour\N'46' Sufficient unto the day, you know\N'46' Not but what \(cqtis a misfortune to \(cqee, but things may take a turn\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He thrust his hands into his pockets and stood for a few moments scanning the fields; then after a word or two of a general nature moved away, without having appeared to notice the two boys\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Cut dead!" said Eves with a grin\N'46' "A good thing too; I loathe the fellow\N'46' Poor old Trenchard will be wretched all the rest of the day\N'46' I wonder why he always looks so hang-dog when Noakes is about? He couldn\(cqt look worse if Noakes was his landlord and he couldn\(cqt pay the rent\N'46' And upon my word, Noakes has cheek enough for two\N'46' I saw him prodding the cattle the other day as if he owned \(cqem, or would like to\N'46' What do you think about it?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Eh? about Noakes? I wasn\(cqt thinking of him," said Templeton\N'46' "I was wondering whether we couldn\(cqt do something to help save the old man\(cqs crops\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, old chap, if you can invent rain——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Don\(cqt be an ass\N'46' Of course I can\(cqt\N'46' But I don\(cqt see why we shouldn\(cqt irrigate, as they do in India\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "We haven\(cqt got an Indus, and the river down there is too far away, and below this level\N'46' You can\(cqt make water run up-hill\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But there\(cqs the brook just at the edge of the field, behind that ridge\N'46' All we\(cqve to do is to divert it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "My good man, it\(cqs miles below the top of the ridge\N'46' Besides, there\(cqs not much water at the best\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "There\(cqs enough\N'46' We should have to build a dam, of course\N'46' Then the water would collect till it rose to the height of the ridge and flowed over, and we could carry it over the fields through small drains\N'46' You see, the stream runs straight to the sea; there are no fishing rights to consider, and it\(cqs not used for mills or anything of that sort\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "A jolly back-aching job, digging drains and what not\N'46' No chance of a rag\N'46' Still, the idea\(cqs good enough, and I\(cqd like to see old Trenchard more cheerful\N'46' You had better see what he says about it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The farmer was so much preoccupied with his gloomy thoughts that he scarcely appreciated at first the nature of the service which Templeton offered to render\N'46' This, as Eves pointed out afterwards, was partly due to Templeton\(cqs manner of broaching the subject\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Your jaw about irrigation and the Punjab was enough to put him off it," said Eves, who was nothing if not frank\N'46' "Of course, the old countryman didn\(cqt understand; he understood right enough when I chipped in\N'46' There\(cqs nothing like what old Dicky Bird, when you do a rotten construe, calls _sancta simplicitas_\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Between them they managed to explain the idea to Mr\N'46' Trenchard, and to win his assent\N'46' Indeed, the chance of saving his crops had a magical effect on his spirits\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "It do mean a mighty deal to me," he said; "more\(cqn you\(cqve any right notion of\N'46' I wish \(cqee success, that I do\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp They started work on the following morning\N'46' From the rocky banks of the stream they rolled down a number of stones and boulders and piled them in the channel to the height of the ridge, forming two adjacent sides of a square\N'46' Then up stream they cut a quantity of brushwood, which, being set afloat, was carried by the water against the piled-up stones\N'46' This occupied them the whole day, and they left for the next the final operation—the digging of earth to stop up the interstices through which the water still flowed away, and the carrying of it in wheelbarrows to its dumping places\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp It was while they were digging that Lieutenant Cradock arrived to interrogate them about the conscientious objections of Nahum Noakes\N'46' About half an hour after his departure Nahum\(cqs father appeared on the scene, breathless from hurrying up the hill from the village\N'46' He had pumped Constable Haylock, who was a simple soul, and had learnt enough about the recent interview to feel a gnawing anxiety as to the fate of his beloved Nahum\N'46' He was hatless, and wore his apron, with which he wiped the shining dew from his face as he stood watching the diggers\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Marnen, gen\(cql\(cqmen," he said, presently, in the tone of one who would be a friend\N'46' "\(cqTis warm work \(cqee be at, surely\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "A warm day, Mr\N'46' Noakes," said Templeton, resting on his spade\N'46' Eves went on digging\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ay, sure, \(cqtis warm for the time o\(cq year, so \(cqtis\N'46' Vallyble work; if there be one thing I do admire, \(cqtis to see young gen\(cql\(cqmen go forth unto their labour until the evening, as the Book says—earning their bread with the sweat of their brow\N'46' Ah, \(cqtis a true word\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton was too modest to acknowledge this compliment\N'46' Eves went on digging\N'46' Mr\N'46' Noakes hemmed a little, and stroked his beard\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Purticler such young gen\(cql\(cqmen as you be," he went on, "as hev gone deep into book learning and gives yer nights and days to high matters\N'46' That there finology, now; that be a very deep subjeck—very deep indeed; wonderful, I call it, to read into the heart through the head\N'46' Nobody \(cqud never hev thought \(cqtwere possible\N'46' And so correck, too; my boy Nahum, as peaceful as a lamb—you was right about that there bump, sir\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "He certainly hasn\(cqt got the bump of combativeness," said Templeton; "but——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ah, yes, to be sure; he was a trifle overtaken with yer friend\(cqs joke, as any young feller might be; but I told un \(cqtwas just a bit o\(cq juvenile high spirits, and so he oughter hev took it\N'46' \(cqLet not the sun go down upon yer wrath,\(cq says I, and bless \(cqee, he smiled like a cherub next day, he did\N'46' That there bump be a good size on soldiers\(cq heads, now? I warrant that young officer man as I seed down in village has a big un\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I really didn\(cqt think to look, Mr\N'46' Noakes," said Templeton, patiently\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Only think o\(cq that, now, and I felt in my innards he\(cqd come up along a-purpose\N'46' You didn\(cqt say nought o\(cq finology, then?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, it was mentioned—just mentioned\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And Mr\N'46' Templeton assured Lieutenant Cradock that your son hadn\(cqt the slightest prominence in that part of the skull," Eves broke in\N'46' "In fact, it\(cqs the other way about\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Wonderful ways o\(cq Providence!" said Mr\N'46' Noakes, rubbing his hands together and smiling happily\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "But I\(cqm bound to say——" Templeton began\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Come on, Bob; shovel in, or we\(cqll never get done," Eves interrupted\N'46' "There\(cqs enough stuff dug; let\(cqs cart it down\N'46' We\(cqre trying an experiment in irrigation, Mr\N'46' Noakes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ah! irrigation\N'46' It needs a dry soil, to be sure; it\(cqll grow well here—very well indeed\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves smothered a laugh, and let Templeton explain\N'46' The explanation, strangely enough, brought a shadow upon Mr\N'46' Noakes\(cqs face\N'46' It darkened as he watched the dumping of the earth upon the dam\N'46' He was silent; his mouth hardened; and after a few more minutes he shambled away\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm afraid we\(cqve given him a wrong impression," said Templeton, anxiously\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, he shouldn\(cqt be sly\N'46' Besides, if he\(cqs ass enough to think \(cqfinology\(cq will go down with the tribunal, that\(cqs his look-out\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp They worked hard through the rest of the day, and by tea-time the water had begun to trickle over the ridge in many little rills\N'46' It seemed, indeed, that there would be no necessity to dig the channels of which Templeton had spoken, the slope of the ground and the natural fan-like spreading of the streams promising that in due time the whole field would be thoroughly watered\N'46' Tired, but well pleased with the success of their experiment, they returned to the farmhouse\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Mr\N'46' Trenchard had been absent all the afternoon\N'46' At tea they told him what they had done, and he cheerfully assented to their suggestion that he should go with them to the ridge and see for himself their irrigation works\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp It was dusk when they started\N'46' The ridge was at an outlying part of the farm, and as they strolled across the intervening fields Eves suddenly exclaimed: .pop_env .push_env .sp "What\(cqs that?" .pop_env .push_env .sp Some hundreds of yards ahead, a whitish object, not distinguishable in the dusk, was moving apparently along the top of the ridge\N'46' In a few seconds it disappeared\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "That was one of they rabbits after my turmuts, I reckon," said the farmer\N'46' "Terrible mischeevious little mortals they be\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I say, Bob," cried Eves, "we might have a rabbit hunt one of these days\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "We\(cqve a lot of other things on hand," said Templeton, dubiously\N'46' "You see, there\(cqs the tar entanglement, and——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "There it is again," said Eves, pointing towards a hedge some distance to the left beyond the ridge\N'46' "Rabbits don\(cqt live in hedges, do they, Mr\N'46' Trenchard?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Not as a general rule," replied the farmer, cautiously; "but there\(cqs no saying what they\(cqll be doing\N'46' He\(cqs gone again; we\(cqve frighted him away\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, here you see what we\(cqve done," said Templeton\N'46' "The dam there holds back the stream, the water is forced to rise, and it\(cqs now finding its way over the ridge in many little rivulets which I daresay by to-morrow morning will have flowed right over the field\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well to be sure!" said Mr\N'46' Trenchard\N'46' "Now that\(cqs what I call a downright clever bit of inventing\N'46' And to think that there stream hev been a-running along there all the days of my life, and I never seed no use for un! \(cqTwill be the saving of my roots, young gen\(cql\(cqmen, and I\(cqm much beholden to \(cqee\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp It was as though a load had been lifted from the old man\(cqs mind\N'46' He was more cheerful that night than his guests had yet seen him, and was easily persuaded to join them and his wife in a rubber of whist\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Early hours were the rule at the farm\N'46' By nine everybody was in bed but the two strangers\N'46' They were always the last to retire\N'46' About ten they had just undressed\N'46' It was a hot, sultry night; the bedroom, low-pitched and heavily raftered, was stuffy; and Eves, after blowing out the candle, pulled up the blind and leant out of the window to get a breath of what air there was\N'46' The sky was slightly misty, and the moon, in its last quarter, threw a subdued radiance upon the country-side\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "By George!" exclaimed Eves, suddenly; "there\(cqs that white thing again\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What does it matter?" said Templeton, who was getting into bed\N'46' "We\(cqve got to be up early; come on\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Come and look here, you owl\N'46' That\(cqs no rabbit\N'46' It\(cqs bobbing up and down, just where the dam is\N'46' I\(cqll be shot if I don\(cqt believe some one\(cqs interfering with it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp This suggestion brought Templeton to the window at once\N'46' Side by side they gazed out towards the ridge\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "This is serious," said Templeton\N'46' "If it really is any one interfering with our work——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "We\(cqll nip him in the bud\N'46' Come on; don\(cqt wait to dress; it\(cqs quite warm\N'46' Get into your slippers\N'46' We\(cqll go out of the back door without waking the Trenchards and investigate\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Two minutes later they were stealing along under cover of the hedge that skirted the field to be irrigated\N'46' Arriving at the ridge some distance above the dam they turned to the left, and bending double crept towards the scene of their toil\N'46' There, rising erect, they saw Mr\N'46' Noakes up to his thighs in the stream, hard at work pulling away stones and earth from the dam\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp The water was already gurgling through\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Hi there! What the dickens are you up to?" Templeton cried\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp The man turned with a start, and faced them\N'46' He appeared to be undecided what to do\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "What are you about?" repeated Templeton, indignantly\N'46' "What right have you to destroy our dam?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What right!" said the man, indignant in his turn\N'46' He was still in the water, and, leaning back against the dam, he faced the lads in the misty moonlight\N'46' "What right hev you two young fellers, strangers in the parish, to play yer mischeevious pranks here? \(cqTis against the law to interfere wi\(cq the waterways o\(cq the nation, and the Polstead folk hev their rights, and they\(cqll stick to \(cqem\N'46' Ay, and I hev my rights, too, and I\(cqm a known man in the parish\N'46' This here stream purvides me wi\(cq washing water, and to-morrow\(cqs washing day\N'46' You dam up my water; I can\(cqt wash; that\(cqs where the right do come in\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "My dear sir," said Eves, gravely, "however much you want washing, and however much it is to the interest of your neighbours that you should wash, the interests of our food supply, you must admit as a patriotic man, are more important\N'46' Wash by all means—to-morrow, when the dam, having done its work, will no doubt be removed\N'46' For my part, I have a distinct bias in favour of cleanliness\N'46' If a man can\(cqt be decent in other things, let him at least be clean\N'46' There was young Barker, now, a wretched little scug who wore his hair long, and always had a high-water mark round his neck\N'46' My friend Templeton, of whose ingenuity you have seen proofs, had an excellent invention for an automatic hair-cutter\N'46' But I am wandering from the point, which was, in a word, how to be happy though clean——" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves was becoming breathless\N'46' He wondered whether he could hold out\N'46' Templeton gazed at him with astonishment; as for Mr\N'46' Noakes, he looked angry, puzzled, utterly at sea\N'46' Once or twice during Eves\(cqs oratorical performance he opened his mouth to speak, but Eves fixed him with his eyes, and held up a warning hand, and overwhelmed him with his volubility\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Yes, how to be happy though clean," Eves went on; "there\(cqs a text for you\N'46' Cleanliness is an acquired taste, like smoking\N'46' The mewling infant, with soapsuds in his eyes, rages like the heathen\N'46' The schoolboy, panting from his first immersion—my hat!" .pop_env .push_env .sp The expected had happened\N'46' During Eves\(cqs harangue, the water had been eating away the pile of soil and rubbish which had been loosened by Mr\N'46' Noakes\(cqs exertions\N'46' Without warning, the dam against which the man was leaning gave way\N'46' He fell backward; there was a swirl and a flurry, and Mr\N'46' Noakes, carried off his feet by the rush of water, was rolled down stream\N'46' His new soft straw hat, which had betrayed him, floated on ahead\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton sprang over the ridge and hastened to Mr\N'46' Noakes\(cqs assistance\N'46' For the moment Eves was incapacitated by laughter\N'46' Fortunately the stream was not deep, and after the first spate it flowed on with less turbulence\N'46' Templeton gripped the unhappy man by the collar, and hauled him up after he had been tumbled a few yards\N'46' Breathless, he stood a pitiable object in his frock-coat and baggy trousers, his lank hair shedding cascades\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .push_env .push_env .sp [Illustration: "TEMPLETON GRIPPED THE UNHAPPY MAN BY THE COLLAR, AND HAULED HIM UP\N'46'"] .pop_env .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "A most unfortunate accident," said Templeton\N'46' "You see, by removing some of the stones——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Mr\N'46' Noakes, your hat, I believe," interposed Eves, handing him the sodden, shapeless object which he had retrieved from the stream\N'46' Mr\N'46' Noakes snatched it from him, turned away, and started downhill\N'46' Never a word had he said; but there was a world of malevolence in his eye\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "We had better get back and dress," said Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "What on earth for?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, we can hardly repair the dam in our pyjamas\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves laughed\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "You\(cqre a priceless old fathead," he said\N'46' "Repairs must wait till the morning\N'46' I can never do any work after a rag\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "A rag! But it was a pure accident, due to the idiot\(cqs own meddlesomeness\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Most true; but it wouldn\(cqt have happened if I hadn\(cqt kept his attention fixed by the longest spell of spouting I ever did in my life\N'46' It was a ripping rag, old man, and now we\(cqll toddle back to bed\N'46' The one thing that beats me is, what\(cqs his motive? He\(cqd hardly take the trouble to smash our dam just to get even with us, would he? That\(cqs a kid\(cqs trick\N'46' There\(cqs something very fishy about old Noakes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *III* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 Templeton had not settled which among his many ideas to work at, when accident launched his imagination upon a new flight\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp One day the village was stirred to unusual excitement\N'46' Two items of local news, following quickly one upon the other, gave the folk so much matter for gossip that the amount of work they did was reduced fifty per cent\N'46' The first was that Nahum Noakes\(cqs final appeal had failed; the second, that young Wilfred Banks, the son of Squire Banks, one of the local magnates, had been seriously injured by the fall of an aeroplane\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Mrs\N'46' Trenchard, having been "there and back," was full of the story\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ay me, to think of a nice pleasant young gentleman like Mr\N'46' Wilfred lying at death\(cqs door through one o\(cq they dratted airyplanes! That venturesome he always was, as a little small chiel\N'46' \(cqTis against Nature to try to fly like the birds, that\(cqs what I say, and what can you expect? The world do be turning topsy-turvy, and all through they Germans\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp That night, just as Eves had turned over to sleep, he was roused by a call from Templeton in his companion bed\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "What is it?" he murmured, drowsily\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqve got an idea," was the reply\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, sleep on it, old man\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You know very well that I can\(cqt get a wink till I see daylight\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Then you\(cqve got about five hours\N'46' Good night!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Of course I meant a light on the problem; you\(cqre so literal\N'46' You see, the evolution of a perfectly stable machine——" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves interrupted with a groan\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I suppose I must be a martyr," he said, "but I wish you\(cqd arrange for your ideas to come in the morning\N'46' Fire away! I\(cqll keep awake if I can, but cut it short\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You\(cqre a good sort, Tom\N'46' Really I\(cqd like to know what you think of it\N'46' You see, an aeroplane ought to balance itself automatically, and I\(cqve got an idea for automatically adjusting the surfaces of the planes so that the machine will instantly adapt itself to gusts of wind, side-slips, and so on\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Jolly good idea! Good night\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Hold hard\N'46' You haven\(cqt heard the idea yet\N'46' My arrangement would be electric\N'46' Beyond the extremities of the frames I\(cqd have a light framework on which an extension of the plane could be pushed out by a steel rod actuated by a small electric motor\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I can go to sleep at once, then, because that won\(cqt work\N'46' It means more weight\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "No, no; we\(cqll argue it out\N'46' Weight\(cqs becoming less and less important every day\N'46' Look at the weight of bombs an aeroplane can now lift\N'46' Anyhow, the point is that the motor would be controlled by the movement of the plane\N'46' A sphere moving in a horizontal channel would be affected by the slightest inclination of the plane\N'46' I\(cqd arrange by a series of electrical contacts——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "How?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I haven\(cqt worked out all the details yet; how could I? But the effect would be that the farther the sphere moved the farther the rod would push out the extension of the plane on the side required\N'46' And when the aeroplane had righted itself, the sphere would return to neutral\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "My sleepy brain is fairly dazed with your rods and spheres and the rest\N'46' Hang all that! The question is, would the extension idea work? Would the lengthening of the planes meet the case?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Of course it would\N'46' It\(cqs easily proved\N'46' All you want is a glider\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, old man, the idea\(cqs ripping, and being a reasonable chap, you\(cqll agree that you\(cqve got to go one step at a time\N'46' I don\(cqt say you\(cqre wrong, but treat me as a bit of a sceptic, who wants everything proved\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Very well; I\(cqm not unreasonable\N'46' We\(cqll set to work and make a glider; then you\(cqll see\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Righto! Feel more easy now? Hope you won\(cqt wake in the night\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton was just dozing off when from Eves there came: .pop_env .push_env .sp "I say, Bob\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You\(cqll have to cut into your tenner at last\N'46' Bye-bye!" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 During the next week they did very little "work on the land\N'46'" Farmer Trenchard, impressed as usual by Templeton\(cqs earnestness, allowed them as much leave as they wanted, and they devoted themselves during the hours of daylight to the manufacture of a glider\N'46' A journey to the nearest town and the cashing of the £10 note furnished them with the wood and the textile fabric they needed, and Templeton had sufficient skill in carpentry to fashion two wings, light enough for his purpose, yet strong enough to sustain him\N'46' His funds would not run to an electric motor, but he thought that, for his first experiments, the lengthening rod might be actuated by stout cords running over pulleys\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp The contrivance was finished after a week\(cqs hard work\N'46' Tested in the farmyard, the lengthening apparatus worked smoothly; it only remained to try it in the air\N'46' Templeton had already marked a suitable spot for the trial—a sloping field some little distance from the farm, too steep for cultivation, and occupied usually by cattle fattening for Coggins, the butcher\N'46' It was enclosed by a thick hedge except at the gate, and that was kept locked, and blocked with brushwood\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I think perhaps we had better ask Coggins\(cqs leave to use his field," suggested Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Don\(cqt do anything of the sort," replied Eves\N'46' "We don\(cqt want a crowd of yokels looking on\N'46' If the thing goes all right, you can invite the village to an exhibition\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The morning chosen for the trial was warm and still\N'46' No danger from gusts of wind was to be anticipated\N'46' Mounting the glider on two wheels from the old tricycle, patched up for the occasion, they wheeled it up to the field and managed with some difficulty to hoist it over the gate, after having cleared a way through the obstructing brushwood\N'46' At the far end a few cattle were peacefully grazing\N'46' The well-cropped hill was a smooth inclined plane of springy turf\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp They carried the machine to the top\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I bag first go," said Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "No, I can\(cqt agree to that," said Templeton\N'46' "You see, though I\(cqm pretty sure it will work all right, there\(cqs bound to be a certain risk, and as it\(cqs my idea I ought to test it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs no reason at all\N'46' Cooks never eat their own cake\N'46' Besides, if there is an accident, much better it should happen to me than you\N'46' _I\(cqm_ not an inventor\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I still maintain——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, don\(cqt let\(cqs waste time\N'46' Let\(cqs toss for it\N'46' Heads me, tails you\N'46' A use for my half-penny at last\N'46' Here goes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He spun the coin\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Heads! There you are\N'46' Now fasten the straps on my shoulders, and give me a gentle shove off\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The glider was not fastened to the wheels, Templeton\(cqs theory being that, having been started on them at the top of the hill, it would almost at once gain "lift" from the air\N'46' So it proved\N'46' After a few yards it rose slightly; a little farther on it was quite clear of the ground, and Eves, with legs bent and arms stretched out on the wings, enjoyed for a few brief seconds the exhilaration of aerial flight\N'46' Then, however, it began to tilt\N'46' Mindful of Templeton\(cqs careful instructions and the preliminary test in the farmyard, Eves tugged at the appointed rope, which should have thrown out an extension of the wing, and, according to Templeton\(cqs theory, have restored the balance\N'46' Unhappily the mechanism that had worked so smoothly before now proved treacherous\N'46' The machine swerved to the left, and crashed into a bramble-bush in the hedge at the foot of the hill\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton rushed down in great agitation, sprang into the hedge regardless of scratches, unloosed the straps, and hauled Eves out\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I say, you\(cqre not hurt, old man?" he asked, anxiously\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm pretty well pricked, confound the thing!" said Eves\N'46' "The wretched cord jammed\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But the theory\(cqs all right\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Hang the theory! Look here, old man— Hullo, here\(cqs old Noakes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Noakes, accompanied by a thick-set countryman in corduroys and leggings, had come over the crest of the hill just as the accident occurred, and run down almost on Templeton\(cqs heels\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqve cotched \(cqee," he cried, panting\N'46' "You\(cqre my witness, Ted Smail\N'46' Cotched in the act, the mischeevious young vipers\N'46' I\(cqll have the law of un\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .push_env .push_env .sp [Illustration: "\(cqI\(cqVE COTCHED \(cqEE,\(cq HE CRIED\N'46'"] .pop_env .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "My dear sir, I don\(cqt think it has anything to do with you," said Templeton\N'46' "My friend, as you see——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Your friend, and you too, be a-trespassing on my field and a-ruining my property, and the law\(cqll have something to say about that\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ruined a bramble-bush!" said Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "And the bush has ruined my clothes," Eves added\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "That there\(cqs my hedge, and you\(cqve been and knocked a hole in it, and——" .pop_env .push_env .sp At this moment his tirade was suddenly interrupted by a bellow behind him\N'46' A bull, excited by the vagaries of the glider, had trotted up from the far end of the field to investigate, and further roused, probably, by Noakes\(cqs loud tones and waving arms, threw down its head and charged\N'46' The men scattered\N'46' Eves and Templeton made for the gate and vaulted over\N'46' Noakes ran one way, his friend another\N'46' The bull plunged straight at the glider, sticking in the hedge, and smashed it to splinters\N'46' Then it dashed after Noakes, who, seeing no other outlet, flung himself into the ditch below the hedge and scrambled through the tangled lower branches only just in time to escape the animal\(cqs horns\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "We must offer to pay Noakes for the damage," said Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Rot! We haven\(cqt done tuppence-ha\(cq-penny worth; and how do we know it\(cqs his field?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm sure he wouldn\(cqt say so if it wasn\(cqt, and there\(cqs certainly a hole in the hedge\N'46' I\(cqll just see what he says\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Noakes, hatless, dishevelled, and scratched, was coming towards them\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm willing to pay any reasonable sum for damages, Mr\N'46' Noakes," said Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Are ye?" replied the man with a grin\N'46' "I be main glad to hear it\N'46' You shall have the bill, don\(cqt \(cqee make no mistake about that\N'46' But I won\(cqt take no money \(cqcept by judge and jury\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He passed on, and stood at the gate until his friend should find it convenient to join him\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Two days later Constable Haylock came to the farm, and, with an apologetic air, handed to Eves and Templeton each a blue document, summoning them to appear at the justice court to answer a plaint of trespass and damage on the part of Philemon Noakes\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "This is serious," said Templeton\N'46' "You see, we\(cqve no defence\N'46' We did break his hedge and disturb his tenant\(cqs cattle, as he says\N'46' I wonder what the penalty is?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "A fine of £5, old man, I expect," said Eves, cheerfully\N'46' "Don\(cqt you worry; I did the damage, and I can\(cqt pay\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm sure _I_ can\(cqt\N'46' That glider cost £7 16*s\N'46'* 4*d*\N'46' I haven\(cqt half £5\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, they\(cqll give us seven days C\N'46'B\N'46', or whatever they call it, and you\(cqll have to write to Aunt Caroline to bail us out\N'46' Jolly good idea! We\(cqll be able to give her tips in food economy after a week of prison fare\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "It\(cqs no joking matter\N'46' She\(cqll be upset; no Templeton of our family has ever been in prison\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You don\(cqt say so! You\(cqll make a record, then\N'46' Splendid!" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 On the appointed day they appeared before the justice\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTis Squire Banks\(cqs day," whispered Haylock as they passed him at the door\N'46' "He baint such a hanging judge, so to speak it, as Sir Timothy\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Noakes gave his evidence, Smail corroborated it, and Squire Banks asked the culprits what they had to say in their defence\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "It was like this, sir," began Eves, before Templeton could start; "my friend Templeton devotes a lot of time to trying experiments—working out ideas for useful inventions\N'46' When he heard of that accident to a flying man the other day"—the old gentleman looked interested—"he kept me awake at night talking over an idea for making an aeroplane automatically safe\N'46' I confess I was sceptical, and it\(cqs my fault all this happened, because it was to prove his theory to me that he made a glider; it cost him over £7, sir; and we couldn\(cqt find a better place to try it on than that hilly field\N'46' I\(cqm afraid I was clumsy; at any rate, the thing came to grief——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But the principle of it is quite sound," Templeton put in\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "But, of course, you\(cqre not concerned with principles here, sir, but only with law," Eves went on\N'46' "We didn\(cqt know the field belonged to Mr\N'46' Noakes, or I assure you we wouldn\(cqt have touched it with a pole, and as to damage, my friend offered to pay any reasonable sum\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But didn\(cqt I understand that you caused the damage?" the squire interposed, his eyes twinkling\N'46' "That being the case, ought not the offer to pay have come from you?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm afraid it ought, sir; but—well, I\(cqve only got four and elevenpence halfpenny\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp There were smiles in the court at this ingenuous confession\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, Mr\N'46' Templeton offered to pay," the squire went on\N'46' "What then?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Mr\N'46' Noakes wouldn\(cqt hear of it, sir," Eves answered\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Is that so, Noakes?" .pop_env .push_env .sp Noakes had to confess that it was\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Come, now, Noakes, brambles grow very fast, and any hedger will close the gap for eightpence\N'46' It\(cqs a trumpery matter\N'46' You young fellows can pay half-a-crown between you for the damage, and Noakes must pay his own costs; it\(cqs an unreasonable action\N'46' Call the next case\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Jolly old trump!" said Eves as they went out\N'46' "And I\(cqm jolly glad the old boy\(cqs son is getting better\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp On reaching the farm, Templeton found awaiting him a letter from his aunt, written in reply to one he had sent her more than a week before\N'46' She explained the long delay by the fact that the letter had pursued her through three counties\N'46' "I am delighted to hear," she wrote, "that you have not yet spent _any_ of the money I sent you\N'46' It shows great _strength of character_\N'46' You will be pleased to hear that my lectures are a _great success_\N'46' I expect to reach Polstead in about ten days, and I shall be so glad if you will do a little thing to prepare my way\N'46' My lectures are _thoroughly practical_; it is useless to talk about economical foods if the dear people cannot procure them\N'46' I want you to see Mr\N'46' Philemon Noakes for me; he is the _principal tradesman_ in the village; and ask him if he will _very kindly_ lay in a stock of certain _cheap_ articles of which I will send you a list\N'46' A personal interview is so much more satisfactory than a formal letter, and you will find Mr\N'46' Noakes a _very civil and obliging person_\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "My hat!" cried Eves, laughing\N'46' "What a rag! I\(cqll come with you, old man\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton looked worried\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 4 .ad c *A GAS ATTACK* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *I* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 Mr\N'46' Noakes made no further attempt to interfere with the irrigation of Farmer Trenchard\(cqs fields\N'46' The two lads repaired the dam, gave the parched ground a thorough soaking for two days and nights, then demolished the simple structure and allowed the stream to pursue its usual course\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton, meanwhile, had been anxiously weighing the claims of the other ideas that jostled in his brain\N'46' He wanted to perfect his automatic hair-cutter; to experiment with what he called, in advance, a "levitator"—a contrivance for enabling an aeroplane to rise more rapidly; to test his notion of a tar entanglement, and various other sound schemes\N'46' Unfortunately the incomplete hair-cutter had been confiscated by his head master, and it would take weeks to construct a new one\N'46' The levitator was out of the question at present, for it would cost a good deal more than the two pounds odd which remained out of his aunt\(cqs gift\N'46' Several ideas were unworkable for the same reason, and he had almost resolved on the tar entanglement when, with that suddenness to which inventors are accustomed, a quite new idea shot into his mind\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp He had been reading, in a war correspondent\(cqs dispatch, about the star shells and Verey lights which were used at night to throw a fitful illumination upon the hostile lines\N'46' Eves noticed that as he cleaned his teeth before going to bed he made frequent pauses, holding the tooth-brush motionless for some moments at a time\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "What\(cqs up, old man?" asked Eves, who was already in bed\N'46' "Got toothache?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "No; I was thinking," replied Templeton, rubbing again\N'46' "You see——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But I can\(cqt hear through the bristles\N'46' Hurry up, or I shall be asleep\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton finished his toilet, blew out the light, and got into bed, sitting up and clasping his knees\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Those flash-lights, you know—they don\(cqt last long enough\N'46' What our fellows want is some continuous illumination\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What about the moon?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You know perfectly well the moon doesn\(cqt shine for half the month\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I thought perhaps you\(cqd invented an artificial moon\N'46' But expound, old bird\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, you know the prevailing wind in winter is from the west\N'46' Why shouldn\(cqt our men start relays of light balloons——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Balloons always are light\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I mean light-giving balloons\N'46' They\(cqd float over the German lines and illuminate their whole positions with a steady continuous light\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "The Huns would shoot \(cqem down\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Not easily, for they\(cqd be dark\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Light and dark at the same time! Go on, Bobby; I\(cqm sure you can prove black\(cqs white\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "If you wouldn\(cqt interrupt, you\(cqd see\N'46' The illuminant would be attached to the balloon by a long cord, and there\(cqd be a shade like a lampshade over it, so that the balloon itself would be in darkness\N'46' It\(cqs easy enough to try\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "How?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "All you want is a dozen toy balloons, a few cubic feet of hydrogen, a slow match, and a little magnesium wire\N'46' There you have it on a small scale\N'46' Fill the balloons with hydrogen, tie \(cqem together, fasten a slow match and a bit of wire to each, light the match, and send the whole caboodle up\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But magnesium wire only burns for a second or two\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You really are an ass, Tom\N'46' We\(cqd only use magnesium wire for our experiment; there are heaps of things that could be used with big balloons at the front\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You mean to try it, then?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Of course\N'46' Old Noakes has some toy balloons\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But what about the hydrogen? It doesn\(cqt smell, does it?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "No\N'46' Why?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Only that I forget all my chemistry except the stinks\N'46' How do you make it?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "By the action of an acid on a metal\N'46' Don\(cqt you remember Zn + H2SO4 = ZnSO4 + H2? Iron will do as well\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs easy enough, then\N'46' But you\(cqll want retorts, wash bottles, pneumatic troughs, and goodness knows what else\N'46' Bang goes the rest of your cash, Bob\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Nonsense! Mother Trenchard has some old pickle bottles, and we\(cqre not out to make a specially pure gas\N'46' All we\(cqll have to buy will be a little acid, a few feet of glass tubing, and a rubber cork or two\N'46' Four or five shillings will buy the lot\N'46' We shall have to go to Weymouth for them\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Righto! That\(cqs a day off to-morrow\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The morning post brought a letter from Aunt Caroline enclosing a list of foods which she wished Mr\N'46' Noakes to stock\N'46' Templeton read it solemnly, and handed it to Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I say, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard, what do you think of this?" cried Eves\N'46' "Things Bob\(cqs aunt is going to lecture about, you know\N'46' Haricot beans——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "They want a deal of cooking, Mr\N'46' Eves," said Mrs\N'46' Trenchard\N'46' "You must soak \(cqem overnight, and boil \(cqem hours and hours\N'46' I have my doubts whether the village folk can spare the time\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, here\(cqs dried peas\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Do \(cqee think the women \(cqll use \(cqem dried when the shucks are full of green? What can Miss Caroline be thinking of?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Tinned eggs, then\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Lawk-a-mussy, I was silly enough to buy one o\(cq they tins once, and when I opened it—there now, never in my life did I come so near fainting afore, and me not a fainting sort, the smell was so terrible\N'46' If that be the kind of thing Miss Caroline\(cqs cook do give her, \(cqtis time I was back in my old place, that it be\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves laughed as he handed the list back to Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "There are a dozen more things," he said; "if they\(cqre all as good, old man, Aunt Caroline will get a shock when she\(cqs heckled\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Bless \(cqee, sir, and who\(cqll be so bold?" said Mrs\N'46' Trenchard\N'46' "Folks \(cqll listen, ay sure, as meek as lambs; but buy them things—never in the world\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, Bob, you must take the list to Noakes\N'46' You must do something for your tenner\N'46' Tell you what: I\(cqll go to Weymouth for the chemicals and things\N'46' By the time I\(cqm back you\(cqll have seen Noakes and got the bottles and other things ready\N'46' Noakes wouldn\(cqt serve me, I\(cqm sure\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp So it was arranged\N'46' Eves hurried through his breakfast and just caught the carrier\(cqs cart that conveyed passengers to the junction\N'46' Templeton finished leisurely, and then, not much liking his job, walked down to the village to interview Noakes\N'46' As he came to the shop door he heard Noakes addressing a customer\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "No, I tell \(cqee, you can\(cqt have no sugar without you buy tea and bacon\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But \(cqtwas only the day afore yesterday I bought my quarter of tea, sir," said a woman\(cqs voice, plaintively; "and I must have sugar to stew my plums for the children\(cqs dinner\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Bain\(cqt no good you standing there whining about yer children\N'46' No sugar without t\(cqother things; that\(cqs my last word to \(cqee\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Excuse me," said Templeton, entering the shop\N'46' "Is there a new order from the Food Controller? If I\(cqm not mistaken, there have been several prosecutions lately of——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Now look \(cqee here," cried Noakes, angrily, "I bain\(cqt a-going to stand no more nonsense from you\N'46' Who be you, I\(cqd like to know, coming and ordering me about in my own shop?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Far from it, Mr\N'46' Noakes\N'46' I only wished to give you a hint that your customer is entitled to buy sugar without any conditions, and it\(cqs silly to put yourself in the wrong\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Noakes glowered and blustered, but previous experience of Templeton\(cqs determination had taught him a lesson, and ultimately he served the woman with a half-pound of sugar\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I want half a dozen of those toy balloons," said Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "They bain\(cqt for sale," growled Noakes\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Indeed! You hang them up as ornaments, I suppose\N'46' Perhaps you\(cqll sell me some if I buy some sugar, say\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Get out of my shop," cried Noakes, furiously\N'46' "I tell \(cqee I won\(cqt serve \(cqee, and I won\(cqt have you imperent young fellers in my shop at all, so now you know it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton shrugged his shoulders\N'46' Taking his aunt\(cqs letter from his pocket, he opened it, and said: .pop_env .push_env .sp "There must be a mistake\N'46' My aunt says that the principal tradesman is a very civil and obliging person\N'46' You know her—Miss Caroline Templeton\N'46' She is coming down in a few days to lecture on food economy, and wants you to lay in a stock of various things of which I have a list\N'46' But perhaps she is referring to somebody else, and it\(cqs no good bothering you\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp At the mention of Miss Templeton\(cqs name an uneasy look settled upon Noakes\(cqs face\N'46' He watched Templeton replace the letter in his pocket, then said hesitatingly, in a milder tone: .pop_env .push_env .sp "When be the lady coming, sir?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "In ten days or so, and as the letter was written some days ago, it may be under a week from now\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The look of uneasiness gave way to a smile\N'46' Noakes turned his back, and Templeton, resolving to have nothing more to do with the man, left the shop\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *II* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 Thinking it probable that he might get some balloons at the nearest village about five miles away, Templeton set off to walk there\N'46' Eves would not be back till the afternoon; there was plenty of time\N'46' As he left the shop he met the man Smail, who had been in Noakes\(cqs company on the day of the experiment with the glider\N'46' The man leered at him and passed on\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp When Templeton, unsuccessful in his quest, returned to the farm at midday, he found Mrs\N'46' Trenchard in a state of great agitation\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, Mr\N'46' Templeton," she cried, bursting into tears, "to think I\(cqve lived to see this day!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Why, what\(cqs the matter, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard?" he asked\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "He\(cqs there, sir," she nodded towards her husband\(cqs little den, "and \(cqtis ruin to us, and we\(cqll have to go to work\(cqus, and my poor Joe——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Come, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard, don\(cqt be upset\N'46' Just tell me all about it\N'46' Nothing has happened to Mr\N'46' Trenchard, I hope?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Only a broken heart, sir\N'46' Ah! if he\(cqd only telled me afore! We\(cqve had bad times, as you know, sir; \(cqtwas worse than I knew, and my poor man kep\(cq it all to himself, so\(cqs not to worrit me\N'46' He went and borrowed money of Mr\N'46' Noakes, sir, to tide him over harvest\N'46' I don\(cqt know the rights of it; \(cqtis too much for my poor head; but by what I can make of it Trenchard signed a paper to say as if he didn\(cqt pay back the money by a certain time the farm \(cqud belong to Mr\N'46' Noakes, and a week afore the time Mr\N'46' Noakes could put a man in to see as we didn\(cqt rob him\N'46' And he\(cqs in now, sir, in there—\(cqtis Ted Smail, a rascal of a man as knocks his poor wife about\N'46' And what I\(cqll do, Them above only knows\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Can\(cqt Mr\N'46' Trenchard turn him out?" asked Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTis the law, sir; Trenchard owned it all, poor man, and axed my pardon, he did, for bringing it on me\N'46' Ah! if he\(cqd only telled me afore! A week\(cqs such a little time to get all that money\N'46' When he telled me, wi\(cq tears in his eyes, I said, \(cqNow just you run up along to Lunnon and see your brother, as keeps a public-house and is rolling in money\N'46' He\(cqll help \(cqee, and I\(cqll work myself to skin and bone to pay him back\N'46'\(cq And he\(cqd just time to catch the train at the junction, and if his brother be hard, as some be, there\(cqs nothing but the work\(cqus for us\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Cheer up, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard\N'46' Let\(cqs hope for the best\N'46' I\(cqll talk it over with Eves when he gets back, and we\(cqll see what can be done\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Thank \(cqee kindly, sir, but don\(cqt \(cqee go against the law\N'46' The law be a terrible creature\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp In the afternoon Eves returned with his purchases\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "There you are, old man," he cried, "acid, stoppers, and tubing\N'46' You\(cqve got the balloons?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "No\N'46' I say, Tom, this experiment\(cqs off for the time; things here are in a deuce of a mess\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He gave an outline of the domestic troubles\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Whew!" Eves whistled\N'46' "So that\(cqs old Noakes\(cqs game\N'46' That throws a flood of light on the old villain\(cqs doings\N'46' But we\(cqll dish him yet\N'46' The first thing is to get this fellow Smail out of the place\N'46' That will make the old woman feel a little easier\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I don\(cqt see how we can do that\N'46' Trenchard signed the deed or whatever it\(cqs called, and you may be sure that Noakes kept on the right side of the law\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, let\(cqs go and see\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp They opened the door of the farmer\(cqs little room, and beheld Smail lying on his back on the sofa placidly smoking a very rank tobacco\N'46' On a chair was a basket of provisions and several bottles of beer\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I say, my man," said Eves, "your boots are rather dirty, you know\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Smail closed one eye and said nothing\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Mrs\N'46' Trenchard doesn\(cqt like it, you know," Eves went on\N'46' "Don\(cqt you think you\(cqd better go?" .pop_env .push_env .sp The man was still silent\N'46' Eves mutely consulted Templeton\N'46' Smail was a big, thick-set fellow; a physical struggle with him might end in disaster\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Look here, how much do you want to go?" asked Eves\N'46' ("I\(cqve got some change," he whispered to Templeton\N'46') .pop_env .push_env .sp Then the man spoke\N'46' Winking and waving his pipe, he declared, hoarsely: .pop_env .push_env .sp "Here I be, and here I bide\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "We\(cqll give you ten shillings," said Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Here I be, and here I bide\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, all right, bide away," said Eves, taking Templeton by the arm\N'46' "Rotten tobacco, ain\(cqt it, Bob?" .pop_env .push_env .sp They returned to the other room and sat down\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "We can\(cqt starve him out," said Eves\N'46' "The beggar\(cqs got grub enough for a week\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "If we could only entice him out it would be all right," said Templeton, "because I believe I\(cqve read somewhere that a bailiff or whatever you call him can\(cqt legally force his way into a house\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, only beer would entice that sort of bounder, and he\(cqs got plenty of that\N'46' He\(cqs a big hulk, but we _might_ manage to chuck him out\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Dangerous that\N'46' Even if we succeeded, we might find ourselves in court again\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves stuck out his legs and pondered\N'46' Suddenly he sat up straight\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "By Jove, I\(cqve got it!" he cried\N'46' "We\(cqll stink him out\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "How do you mean? It would have to be a powerful stink to upset a fellow who can smoke that tobacco\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Of course; and I haven\(cqt wasted my time in the lab, old man\N'46' I never took any interest in chemistry till I learnt how to make stinks\N'46' What about H2S? The very thing\N'46' Splendid! We\(cqve got the acid; all we want is—by Jove! where can we get some iron pyrites? That means another trip to Weymouth\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And you probably won\(cqt get it there\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Hang it all; can\(cqt we make it some other way?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Wait a bit\N'46' Don\(cqt you remember old Peters making it once by boiling sulphur with tallow? And he told us you get a more steady flow of gas that way\N'46' We\(cqve probably got all we want on the premises\N'46' But how are you going to get it into the room?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "We\(cqll have to find a way\N'46' Let\(cqs go and investigate\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Inquiry of Mrs\N'46' Trenchard elicited the information that her store cupboard ran along the whole length of the room in which Smail had made himself at home\N'46' The wall between them was rather thick, but it would certainly not be impossible to pierce a hole in it\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Splendid!" said Eves\N'46' "We can make the gas in the store cupboard, and pass it into the room through one of our tubes\N'46' Of course, we\(cqll have to lock the man in\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "The gas won\(cqt drive him out of the window," said Templeton\N'46' "In fact, if he keeps that open the smell will never be strong enough\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You may be sure the window won\(cqt be open\N'46' A fellow of that sort revels in fug\N'46' No doubt he\(cqll take an afternoon nap to-morrow\N'46' That\(cqll be our time\N'46' He\(cqll wake up choking, and if I know my man he\(cqll make a dash for the window and tumble out into the open—by the way, I suppose the gas won\(cqt actually poison him?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "No; the worst effect, I believe, is sickness and dizziness\N'46' We had better start boring our hole to-night, when he\(cqs asleep\N'46' If we\(cqre careful he won\(cqt hear us\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "We must get Mother Trenchard to take out her stores\N'46' Shall we tell her why?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Better not\N'46' I\(cqll just say we want to try an experiment\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Mrs\N'46' Trenchard somewhat reluctantly agreed to remove her stores for a short time\N'46' From her they obtained a quantity of tallow and a few sticks of brimstone, and in the privacy of their bedroom they broke up and pulverised one of the sticks, and boiled a little of the sulphur powder with tallow in a tin\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ripping stink," said Eves, putting his head out of the window\N'46' "It\(cqs going to work A1\N'46' We\(cqll pound up the rest of the brimstone, and then wait for night\N'46' This is the stuff to give friend Smail\N'46' It will bring him to his senses right enough\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "More likely it\(cqll take his senses away from him to begin with," answered his fellow-conspirator\N'46' "But it won\(cqt do him any real harm\N'46' Phew, what an aroma!" .pop_env .push_env .sp After dark, when loud snores from the room proclaimed that its occupant was asleep, they bored a couple of holes in the partition wall with a brace and bit obtained from Constable Haylock, who was something of a carpenter\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqll lend \(cqem to \(cqee with pleasure, sir," he said when Eves requested the loan, "purvided \(cqtis for a legal objeck\N'46' As a servant of the nation, \(cqtud be my ruin if so be you was committing a felony\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs all right, constable," replied Eves\N'46' "We\(cqre only going to bore a couple of holes for Mrs\N'46' Trenchard\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp After an hour\(cqs careful work there were two small holes in the wall, about six niches apart and a few inches above the floor, just under the sofa\N'46' Satisfied that all was now ready for the morrow\(cqs experiment, the lads went to bed\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Next afternoon Templeton assured himself, by a peep from the outside through the closed window, that Smail had settled himself on the sofa to sleep over his heavy midday meal\N'46' Eves then quietly opened the door, abstracted the key, and locked the door from the outside\N'46' Their simple apparatus was already fitted up in the store cupboard—an old saucepan over a spirit lamp, with two holes in the lid through which they had passed two lengths of glass tubing, the other ends of which projected slightly into the room\N'46' Their next move was to lock all the house doors, except one leading to the garden at the back\N'46' By this time they had found it necessary to tell Mrs\N'46' Trenchard what they were about, and she was rather timorously awaiting results\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Whatever you do, Mrs\N'46' Trenchard, don\(cqt open the door to the fellow after we get him out," said Eves, impressively\N'46' "Templeton says he can\(cqt legally force his way in, so keep the doors shut and leave the rest to us\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton lit the spirit lamp and closed the store-room door\N'46' In a few minutes the nauseating fumes of sulphuretted hydrogen stole through the cracks into the passage\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Gracious goodness, we\(cqll all be poisoned!" cried Mrs\N'46' Trenchard\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "No, it\(cqs quite harmless, I assure you, though rather horrid," said Eves\N'46' "Look here, Bob, you paste some strips of paper over the cracks while I go outside and see how things are getting on\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He went out of the back door, hastened round to the front, and peeped in at the window\N'46' Smail was sleeping on his back with his mouth open, one hand dangling over the side of the sofa\N'46' The gas being colourless, Eves had no evidence that the experiment was working until he put his nose to the lower sill and got a faint whiff of the fetid odour\N'46' Minute after minute passed, and there was no sign that the gas was having any effect on the sleeper\N'46' At last, however, he stirred, sniffed, and looked round the room\N'46' Then he got up, looked under the table, under the sofa, examined his basket of provisions, turned up on end two empty beer bottles\N'46' Seized with a fit of coughing, he made for the door, tugged at the handle, shouted, then dashed to the window, pulled back the catch, tumbled out, and ran towards the front entrance\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves had slipped out of sight, but the moment the man\(cqs back was turned he ran to the window, sprang on to the sill, and braving the fumes, prepared to dispute any attempt to re-enter by the same way\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Meanwhile Smail was thundering at the front door, mingling curses with cries to be let in\N'46' At this signal that the experiment had succeeded, Templeton threw open the door of the store cupboard, extinguished the lamp, and asked Mrs\N'46' Trenchard to open all the inner doors and the upper windows, so as to clear the air\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Finding the front door closed to him, Smail returned to the window\N'46' Eves had now entered the room and stood at the window, holding a poker\N'46' Smail approached him, scowling and squaring his fists\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Just you come out o\(cq that, you young viper," he cried\N'46' "You\(cqve a-tried to pison me, and I\(cqll have the law of \(cqee\N'46' That there room\(cqs my room for now; \(cqtis the law; so get out\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Here I be, and here I bide," said Eves, brandishing the poker\N'46' "Don\(cqt come too near, Mr\N'46' Smail\N'46' You know so much about the law that you\(cqll be aware you\(cqre committing a felony if you try to force your way in\N'46' You don\(cqt want to go to quod again, Mr\N'46' Smail, I\(cqm sure\N'46' Besides, I don\(cqt think your head\(cqs hard enough to stand a whack from this poker\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .push_env .push_env .sp [Illustration: "\(cqHERE I BE, AND HERE I BIDE,\(cq SAID EVES, BRANDISHING THE POKER\N'46'"] .pop_env .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "I say, Tom, don\(cqt be violent," said Templeton, coming up behind him\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm just explaining," replied Eves\N'46' "Cut down to the village, Bob, and fetch old Haylock\N'46' He\(cqll expound the law to Mr\N'46' Smail\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Smail spluttered and cursed, but he was evidently doubtful on the point of law, and after standing irresolutely in front of the window for a minute or so he turned on his heel and shambled out through the gate\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Splendid, old man!" cried Eves\N'46' "There\(cqs no law that I know against making a stink, and he went out of his own accord\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs all very well, but the important thing is, will old Trenchard be able to raise enough money to pay off Noakes? I wish Aunt Caroline were here\N'46' She\(cqd be able to advise; she\(cqs had a good deal to do with lawyers, one way and another\N'46' If I knew where she was I\(cqd wire her\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, all we\(cqve to do at present is to keep Smail and Noakes out till the farmer gets back\N'46' From what I make of it, Trenchard still has a few days\(cq grace before his debt to Noakes becomes due, and anything may happen in that time\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *III* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 They kept a close watch on the house all the rest of the day\N'46' At night all the doors and windows were bolted, and Eves took turns with Templeton to mount guard\N'46' The latter was by no means sure of the legal position; it might be that he was mistaken, and that a forcible entry would not be a breach of the law\N'46' The night was undisturbed, and next morning Eves, leaving Templeton to keep watch, went down to the village to consult Constable Haylock\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Can a bailiff, or whatever you call him, force his way into a house?" he asked, meeting the constable near the bridge\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well now, that\(cqs queer, danged if it bain\(cqt," said the constable\N'46' "I\(cqve been axed that very same question a\(cqready this morning\N'46' It do seem there\(cqs debts and executions in the wind, and folks come to me, as stands for law and justice, to know their true rights\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "They couldn\(cqt come to a better man, I\(cqm sure," said Eves\N'46' "Was it old Noakes who asked you?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Now, sir, if you axe me to tell state secrets, I couldn\(cqt do it—no, not for a judge or royal highness\N'46' I name no names; but I\(cqll tell \(cqee what I said to them as axed me, that being law for rich and poor\N'46' \(cqForce yer way in,\(cq says I, \(cqand you would be imprisoned without the auction o\(cq fine, \(cqcos the judge med bring it in housebreaking, or burglary if by night\N'46' But there be other roads to market,\(cq says I\N'46' \(cqIf so be you comes up quiet and finds some out-o\(cq-the-way door as bain\(cqt the high road, so to speak it, into the house, and gets yer foot inside—well, there \(cqtis; if those inside tries to get yer foot out \(cqtis assault and battery, and the fine forty shilling\N'46'\(cq That\(cqs what I said, and I make no boast, but I defy any man to give \(cqee better law nor that, I don\(cqt care who the man is\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "By Jove! you\(cqre Solomon and Daniel rolled up together," said Eves\N'46' "You\(cqre a treasure, constable\N'46' By the way, don\(cqt say I asked about it\N'46' I\(cqm rather hard up myself, but Mr\N'46' Templeton——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Not a word, sir, not a word\N'46' Maybe I\(cqll meet yer friend up along one o\(cq these days; he\(cqs a gentleman and will behave as such\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves\(cqs face wore a grin when he returned to the farm\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Haylock\(cqs a priceless old ass, Bob," he said\N'46' "Noakes has been at him, and he\(cqs given him a tip\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Who\(cqs given who? Your pronouns are mixed up," said Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, you don\(cqt suppose Noakes would tip Haylock; that\(cqs for you to do\N'46' What I meant was that Haylock has given Noakes a tip how to get into the house without breaking the law, and you may bet your boots we shall have Smail up again to-night\N'46' You know that narrow lane leading up to Trenchard\(cqs coal-shed? It\(cqs hardly ever used\N'46' Any one might come up there at night, and get in by the window of the shed\N'46' There\(cqs a door between the shed and the scullery, never locked, and Smail can easily get into the house that way\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You don\(cqt mean to say that Haylock put \(cqem up to that?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Of course not; but he told Noakes that if he can manage to get into the house secretly when the inmates are off their guard they can\(cqt legally turn him out\N'46' Whether he\(cqs right or wrong I don\(cqt know, but you may be sure it was enough for Noakes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Haylock ought to have warned Mrs\N'46' Trenchard\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But Noakes wasn\(cqt such a fool as to say what house he wanted to get into\N'46' He asked a general question, just as I did\N'46' Well, on the way up I had a ripping idea\N'46' Your tar entanglement—just the very thing\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What do you mean?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Why, if it\(cqs good enough to stump the Huns in Flanders it\(cqs good enough to spoil old Noakes\(cqs game\N'46' Noakes is sure to think of the lane\N'46' We\(cqll cover the ground with a layer of good runny tar some inches deep and a few feet square, and stretch a few wires across, and Messrs\N'46' Noakes and Smail will find themselves properly held up\N'46' I know the very place—just where the lane runs under the wall of the barn on one side and a prickly hedge on the other\N'46' They couldn\(cqt go round\N'46' Imagine old Noakes stuck fast in the tar, like a fly in treacle\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Where\(cqs the tar to come from?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "There\(cqs a barrel in the outhouse; Trenchard uses it, no doubt, for tarring his fences\N'46' We could melt that down, and it would keep sticky a long time this hot weather\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But I don\(cqt see why we need take all that trouble\N'46' All we\(cqve got to do is to lock the door between the scullery and the coal-shed\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Hang it all, where\(cqs your enterprise? Don\(cqt you see, you owl, we\(cqd kill two birds with one stone? We\(cqd teach old Noakes a lesson and test your idea at the same time\N'46' Imagine Noakes is a prowling Hun, coming at dead of night to surprise our unsuspecting Tommies, stealing along, all quiet—and slap he goes into the tar\N'46' Come, man, it\(cqs splendid\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton came round to his friend\(cqs view, and they lost no time in making their preparations\N'46' The lane was apparently used only as a short cut from the high-road when coal was brought to the farm\N'46' It was just wide enough to allow the passage of a cart, and even on a bright night was dark, owing to the tall hedge on one side and the high blank wall on the other\N'46' At its darkest spot, ten or a dozen yards from the house, Eves set to work to prepare the ground\N'46' He measured off a space about four yards long, and at the end farthest from the house dug the soft earth to the depth of four inches\N'46' Working back from this point, in the course of a couple of hours\(cq diligent spade work he had made a shallow excavation in the lane, varying in depth from four inches to eight\N'46' Meanwhile Templeton had broken up the tar and melted it down in the small portable copper which the farmer used for conveying tar from place to place\N'46' They ladled the molten stuff into the excavation, filling up to the level of the lane\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Hope they won\(cqt smell a rat—which is tar backwards," said Eves\N'46' "Perhaps the smell will have gone off a bit by the time it\(cqs dark\N'46' Tell you what, we\(cqll cover it lightly with farm litter, and strew some more between here and the road; perhaps one smell will kill the other\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Last of all they carried two strands of stout wire across the lane, about half-way along the tarry patch, and three inches above its surface\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Good!" cried Eves, surveying the completed work\N'46' "In the darkness they won\(cqt see a thing\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Suppose they don\(cqt come this way at all?" said Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "You\(cqre a horrible pessimist\N'46' Is there a better way? Aren\(cqt all my deductions good? Well, then, cheer up, and see if you can manage to laugh when the flies are trapped\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 About half-past nine (summer time) Eves and Templeton left the farmhouse by the front door\N'46' Mrs\N'46' Trenchard locked the door behind them, and they had previously assured themselves that all the other doors and windows were securely fastened\N'46' Each carried a shot-gun\N'46' Two guns were always suspended on the wall of Mr\N'46' Trenchard\(cqs den, and it had occurred to Eves that they might prove useful\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp It was a dark summer night\N'46' There was no moon, and the starlight was too feeble to throw any illumination upon the tree-bordered high-road\N'46' The lads\(cq intention was to walk down the road until they came to the lane, to hang about the entrance there until they discovered the approach of Smail, and then to take cover in the angle between the hedge and the road, behind the visitor\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp They had hardly left the farm gate when Eves\(cqs quick eyes detected a small figure lurking in the shadow on the farther side of the road\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Noakes has posted a scout," he whispered\N'46' "They\(cqre going to make the attempt\N'46' But this is awkward, Bob\N'46' We shall have to dispose of the scout; I fancy it\(cqs long-haired Josiah\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I bar that," said Templeton, decisively\N'46' "I\(cqm not going to hold up the youngster, or anything of that sort\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "All right; there\(cqs no need\N'46' Leave it to me\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp They walked on, giving no sign of having seen the boy, who slipped behind a tree-trunk as they neared him\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Yes, it\(cqs just the night," said Eves in a loud voice, as though continuing a discussion\N'46' "Just the night rabbits like\N'46' Slip round quietly to the wood; there\(cqll be hundreds skipping about in the darkness\N'46' It\(cqs nearly a mile away; allow half an hour to get there and back, and an hour\(cqs sport; it\(cqll only be eleven then—not so very late\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp By this time they had passed the lurking scout, who must have heard all Eves said\N'46' A few yards farther along there was a turning on the right, leading to a small wood\N'46' Eves struck into this\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Come on," he said to Templeton\N'46' "See if my strategy doesn\(cqt answer\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp They concealed themselves in the hedge, and a few seconds later saw Josiah Noakes run down the road towards the village\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "There you are," said Eves\N'46' "Josiah\(cqs run to tell his father we\(cqre off shooting rabbits, and the coast is clear\N'46' To bring the guns was a bright idea, Bobby\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp They waited until the boy was well out of earshot, then returned to the road, crossed it, and entered the lane on the opposite side\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Some twenty minutes later three figures were faintly discernible on the white road, coming up the hill\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Here they are," whispered Eves\N'46' "They\(cqre bringing Josy to protect their rear\N'46' Now into cover!" .pop_env .push_env .sp They crept through the hedge and waited\N'46' No footsteps sounded on the road\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Wearing rubber-soled shoes," whispered Eves\N'46' "So much the better; the tar will stick\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Presently the voice of Noakes in subdued tones came to them\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Now, Josiah, do \(cqee stop here at the end of the lane, and if so be you see or hear any one coming up or down along, do \(cqee run and tell us—quiet as a cat, mind \(cqee\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "All right, feyther\N'46' I\(cqll tell \(cqee sure enough\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The men passed on\N'46' Smail sniffed\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "A powerful smell o\(cq tar, Mr\N'46' Noakes," he said in a hoarse murmur\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Mm\(cqm," grunted Noakes\N'46' "Trenchard don\(cqt tar his fences till autumn\N'46' \(cqTis some mischief o\(cq they young varmints, belike\N'46' I\(cqll tar \(cqem!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You be sure o\(cq the law, Mr\N'46' Noakes? Young feller said summat about my being in quod _again_\N'46' How did he know I been in quod?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Quiet, Smail\N'46' I\(cqll answer for \(cqee, man\N'46' Now, you go for\(cqard, straight along\N'46' When you get into coal-shed, gi\(cqe me a whistle\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Not if I knows it\N'46' I can\(cqt get in that there winder wi\(cqout being hoisted, and \(cqtis you must hoist me\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Stuff and rubbish! Winder\(cqs low, and don\(cqt \(cqee see \(cqtis best I shouldn\(cqt be seen, if so be the door inside\(cqs locked and you can\(cqt get in?" .pop_env .push_env .sp The men had halted some yards from the patch of tar\N'46' Smail was insistent\N'46' Noakes declined to accompany him to the shed, and it seemed to the two watchers that matters had come to a deadlock\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Now, Bob," whispered Eves, "we must give them a start\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He pulled back the trigger of his gun, causing a slight click\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "What\(cqs that?" murmured Smail\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I didn\(cqt see nothing," returned Noakes\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "But I heard something\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTwas a bird in the hedge, then\N'46' My Josiah would have give us warning if he seed any one, and they young fellers be a mile away\N'46' Get on, Smail; ten shillings extry, man\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He took Smail\(cqs arm and led him, still reluctant, up the lane\N'46' They had just reached the edge of the tar when there were two loud reports from the direction of the hedge a few yards behind them\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Startled, they plunged forward, floundered through the first few feet of the tar, tripped over the wire, and sprawled at full length, more or less mixed up with each other, in the deeper end\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .push_env .push_env .sp [Illustration: "THEY TRIPPED OVER THE WIRE AND SPRAWLED AT FULL LENGTH\N'46'"] .pop_env .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "Splendid!" whispered Eves\N'46' "Your tar entanglement is a great success, Bob\N'46' Let\(cqs get back; we can very well leave them there\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp As they returned to the road they heard the rumble of cart wheels coming up the hill, and voices\N'46' The cart stopped\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs young Josiah speaking," said Templeton\N'46' "We had better wait and explain, Tom\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "All right, the cart\(cqs coming on again\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp They reached the farmyard gate and stood waiting\N'46' The lamps of the vehicle fell upon their faces, and both started when a lady\(cqs voice exclaimed: .pop_env .push_env .sp "Robert!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Aunt Caroline!" said Templeton in an undertone to Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "And Trenchard!" cried Eves\N'46' "What luck!" .pop_env .push_env .sp A ramshackle fly pulled up at the gate, and Mr\N'46' Trenchard assisted Miss Templeton to alight\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "What has happened?" asked the lady\N'46' "We heard shots, and a little boy came running down the hill crying that his father was killed\N'46' It is Mr\N'46' Noakes, Mr\N'46' Trenchard says\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Quite a mistake, Aunt," said Templeton\N'46' "I _am_ glad to see you\N'46' Come in; I\(cqll explain\N'46' This is my friend Eves\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Yes, yes; but the boy was greatly agitated\N'46' Run after him, Robert, and tell him that his father is _not_ killed\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "My hat!" muttered Eves, with a grimace, as Templeton sprinted down the hill\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "What was it, Mr\N'46' Eves? I am greatly concerned that the little fellow should have had such a terrible shock\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, Miss Templeton, I really—you see—oh, yes, it was Bob\(cqs tar entanglement, you know\N'46' But Mr\N'46' Trenchard has told you about old Noakes, I expect\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Mr\N'46' Trenchard has told me things about Mr\N'46' Noakes that I cannot credit\N'46' But I do not understand—a tar entanglement, you said?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Yes, an invention of Bob\(cqs, you know; a splendid thing\N'46' But there\(cqs such a lot to tell: won\(cqt you go into the house? Then Bob and I can tell you between us\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Very well\N'46' Give the driver ten shillings for his fare\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqve only four and elevenpence half-penny," said Eves, with a smile\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Dear me! Then I must ask the driver to come to the house\N'46' My notes are in my dressing-case\N'46' One cannot be too careful\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp By the time Miss Templeton had found her money and paid the driver Templeton was back\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "It\(cqs all right, Aunt\N'46' The boy is going home with his father\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves grinned\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh!" said Miss Templeton\N'46' "Now, as Robert is out of breath, perhaps you will be good enough, Mr\N'46' Eves, to run down and tell Mr\N'46' Noakes that I desire to see him here, without fail, at ten o\(cqclock to-morrow morning\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves threw a melancholy look at Templeton as he departed\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Mrs\N'46' Trenchard had received her visitor with transports of delight\N'46' It came out that Mr\N'46' Trenchard, having failed in his errand in London, had encountered Miss Templeton on his way back at the junction a few miles away, and, completing the journey with her, had explained the circumstances that had led to his absence from home\N'46' The lady heard his story with mingled incredulity and indignation\N'46' On its repetition by Mrs\N'46' Trenchard she exclaimed: .pop_env .push_env .sp "I am amazed and horrified, Martha\N'46' Do you know that when I was last here, ten years ago, that man Noakes came to me and borrowed a considerable sum of money for the extension of his business\N'46' He seemed a civil and obliging person, and I was glad to lend to a respectable tradesman—of course, at a reasonable rate of interest\N'46' He has paid me the interest regularly, but always regretted that circumstances did not permit of his repaying the loan\N'46' It is shocking to find that he has actually used that money—my money—to involve your dear husband in difficulties\N'46' Such depravity! I shall deal very sternly with Mr\N'46' Noakes to-morrow, I assure you\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ah! To think of it, now," said Mrs\N'46' Trenchard\N'46' "And that dreadful man as he put in here—well, I do owe your nephew something, ma\(cqam, for he and his friend Mr\N'46' Eves blowed him out with the most terrible smell that ever was, and no harm to a soul\N'46' Mr\N'46' Bob\(cqs inventions are that wonderful!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Really, Robert," said Miss Templeton, "I hope you have not been troubling Mrs\N'46' Trenchard with your inventions\N'46' It was clearly understood that you came here to work on the land\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And so he hev, ma\(cqam," put in Trenchard\N'46' "Him and his friend hev worked on the land, and done inventions as well, and one of \(cqem saved my root crops, it did\N'46' I\(cqm not the man to say anything against inventions\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I am glad to hear you have invented something useful, Robert\N'46' Was that tar entanglement that your friend spoke of also an invention of yours?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, yes, Aunt, it was," said Templeton, somewhat embarrassed\N'46' "It was an idea for worrying the Germans, you know\N'46' But, of course—here\(cqs Tom, he\(cqll explain better than I can\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, I say!" protested Eves, who had just come in\N'46' Then he began to laugh\N'46' "My word! He did look funny—tar from head to foot\N'46' You see, Miss Templeton, we got rid of that ruffian Smail once by means of stinks—I mean, sulphuretted hydrogen, a gas very useful in chemistry\N'46' Then, suspecting he\(cqd come back, it occurred to me that we might teach him a lesson by putting into practice Bob\(cqs idea of a tar entanglement\N'46' It really worked out splendidly\N'46' Noakes—he\(cqs a bad egg——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "A what?" asked the lady\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "A bad man, ma\(cqam\N'46' He and Smail came up, and we let off the guns just to encourage \(cqem, and they fell slap on their faces in the lane over there, and I\(cqm sure they won\(cqt get the tar off for a month\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You gave Mr\N'46' Noakes my message?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Yes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And he said he would come, no doubt\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm sorry to say, ma\(cqam, he swore like a trooper\N'46' But in the circumstances I dare say you would have done the same—not you, of course\N'46' I didn\(cqt mean that; I mean any one—that is, any man\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But no gentleman, Mr\N'46' Eves\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Certainly—that is, of course not; but then no gentleman would ever be Noakes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Noakes did not appear next morning\N'46' Miss Templeton sent one of the maids to fetch him\N'46' She came back and reported that Mr\N'46' Noakes had been suddenly called away\N'46' He never reappeared in Polstead\N'46' The story of the tarring was told by Smail, who felt aggrieved, at the village inn that night, and Noakes saw next morning that his position in the village was ruined\N'46' He gave instructions for the sale of his business, and Miss Templeton generously cancelled his debt to her in return for his release of Mr\N'46' Trenchard\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Miss Templeton gave her lecture on food economy, the last of her tour, and the holidays being over, returned with her nephew and Tom Eves to London\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "A ripping holiday, old man," said Eves as the friends parted\N'46' "Lay in a stock of bright ideas for next year\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 4 .ad c *THE CLIPPER OF THE ROAD* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *I* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 "How long will you be, Bob?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Can\(cqt say: perhaps twenty minutes\N'46' You needn\(cqt shout\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Jolly sensitive, ain\(cqt you? What about my tender spots? After I\(cqve taken the trouble to write to your Aunt Caroline for your address, and got it, with yards and yards of advice to a young man, and then sacrificed a day of my leave to hunt you up, you won\(cqt spare a jiff to talk to a fellow, and when I ask you a civil question, tell me not to shout, with the wind roaring like a barrage, and that wretched machine squeaking like——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, come now, Tom, that\(cqs not fair!" said Templeton\N'46' "I told you I must finish grinding these valves, then I\(cqm free\N'46' And as for talking, I can hear you quite well; that\(cqs all that matters, isn\(cqt it?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Been cultivating repartee with your C\N'46'O\N'46', I suppose," remarked Eves\N'46' "Or else your naturally amiable disposition has broken down under the tender mercies of the Boche\N'46' Aunt Caroline warned me, I admit: said you had undergone great mental strain, underlined, and were feverishly anxious to repair your wasted life, underlined twice\N'46' What did the Boche do to you, Bobby, old man?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Tell you by and by: must finish this job\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves sighed with resignation, and looked round for a seat\N'46' There was nothing available except a bench along the wall, littered with tools and odds and ends of machinery\N'46' Being also plentifully besmeared with black grease, it looked far from inviting, especially as Eves was wearing a new pair of slacks; but he cleared a space large enough to afford sitting room, and taking the outer sheets of a newspaper that lay handy, spread them on the board, seated himself thereon, and opened the inner sheet to kill time until Templeton should have finished his job\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Tom Eves, whose cap bore the badge of a certain regiment of Light Infantry, was in the final stage of convalescence from wounds received in action before Amiens\N'46' While in hospital he had learnt that Templeton, taken a prisoner in the early days of the Germans\(cq spring offensive, was among the first batch of officers repatriated under the terms of the armistice, and on applying to Miss Templeton for her nephew\(cqs address, was astonished and amused to hear that he was hard at work in a little Dorset town within easy reach\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Just like old Bob!" he said to himself\N'46' "Two months\(cq leave! And instead of playing the giddy goat, as any sensible fellow would do in his place, he feels he must make up for lost time and swot away at his old inventions\N'46' With a good balance at Cox\(cqs, too\N'46' Aunt Caroline says she quite approves of his spending his money in preparation for his career—just the sort of thing she would say! Well, I\(cqll look him up, the old juggins, first leave I have!" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton, in fact, taking his usual serious view of things in general and his inventions in particular, had been unable to reconcile himself to the prospect of two months\(cq idleness, after having kicked his heels for seven months in a prisoners\(cq camp, months during which his brain had teemed with "notions\N'46'" There was the two-way motor; the turbine motor; an automatic fire extinguisher; a sound increaser; a combined tin-opener and fountain pen, with corkscrew attachment; a road yacht; a push and pull door-handle\N'46' Aunt Caroline was so much impressed with the potential public utility of the bright ideas he expounded to her, that she placed £25 to his credit with Cox\(cqs, and warmly commended him when he told her that he had found a field for his experiments in the little town of Pudlington\N'46' "A _delightful_ spot!" she said, in her emphatic way\N'46' "A quaint old town, quite _charming_! And _such_ invigorating air!" The manager of the British Motor Garage, just outside the town aforesaid, had agreed to give Templeton facilities for experimenting in exchange for his services—an arrangement that suited with his own and his aunt\(cqs ideas of economy\N'46' Wilkins, the manager, was short-handed: indeed Templeton found himself more often than not in sole charge of the garage, for Wilkins was frequently absent, driving his only serviceable car for the officers of the camp a few miles away\N'46' Thus, when Eves made his appearance on this bright, windy December morning, he found his old friend, encased in the blue overalls of a mechanic, alone in the repairing shop, and engrossed in the job he had in hand\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp For a few minutes Eves read the newspaper, without addressing any further remark to Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I say, Bob!" he exclaimed at last, "here\(cqs a chance for you\N'46'\N'46'\N'46'\N'46' All right—I won\(cqt shout, but listen! \(cqG\N'46'R\N'46'—Notice\N'46' Tenders for the purchase of waste from the Upper Edgecombe Camp should reach the Officer Commanding not later than noon on Thursday, December 12\N'46'\(cq Fortunes have been made out of waste\N'46' Perhaps you have tendered already: I see the paper\(cqs nearly a week old\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I haven\(cqt," replied Templeton, curtly\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, you\(cqre not a rag and bone merchant, it\(cqs true, but——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Considering that to-day\(cqs the 12th, and it\(cqs just on eleven now, it\(cqs too late to tender, even if I wanted to\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Which you don\(cqt! _My_ bright ideas are always nipped in the bud\N'46' I say, Bob, was there anything in that story we heard in our mess at Corbie—that idea of yours, you know?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Which one?" asked Templeton, pausing for a moment in his task\N'46' He was always interested in ideas\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, they said you were showing off one of your inventions to a brass hat—some sort of a door-handle, I think it was—and he got fixed up in a dug-out, and you couldn\(cqt release him for three hours or so, and he got no lunch\N'46' Everybody said it was a splendid rag\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Idiots!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But wasn\(cqt it true? The story ran through the front line trenches for thirty miles or so, and bucked the men up no end\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "It wasn\(cqt a rag at all\N'46' The fact is, the staff-major was too impatient\N'46' He wouldn\(cqt wait till I\(cqd finished explaining the idea, and the result was what you might have expected\N'46' It was his own fault—the idea\(cqs all right\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What about your gas machine, then?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, what about it?" The inventor was roused: he stood facing Eves, with the air of a cat whose fur has been rubbed the wrong way\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "The story that came to us was that you nearly caused a vacancy in the command of your battalion\N'46' Everybody said you were taking a short cut to getting your second pip\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Asses!" growled Templeton\N'46' "The explanation simply is that a screw was a trifle loose——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Now nobody said that, Bob, I assure you\N'46' Everybody said you were an awfully clever chap, only——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I tell you a screw was a bit loose, owing to the lack of suitable appliances, and the gas came out a second or two before it ought\N'46' And the C\N'46'O\N'46' needn\(cqt have put his nose quite so close to the machine: I didn\(cqt ask him to!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I suppose the adjutant was too inquisitive, then\N'46' Not that time; I mean when you were trying that self-adjusting bomb of yours\N'46' The Brigade Bombing Officer was full of it, and the mess were quite jealous, because we never had such rags on our sector\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Rags!" snorted Templeton in disgust\N'46' "I hate the word! You know perfectly well that I never rag\N'46' That self-adjusting bomb was a very serious matter\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Quite so\N'46' It\(cqs only lucky it wasn\(cqt more serious, isn\(cqt it? We were told it cost your adjutant his left eyebrow and half a promising moustache\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Grossly exaggerated!" Templeton exclaimed\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "As Mark Twain said when he read the report of his own death! But what\(cqs this, Bob?" .pop_env .push_env .sp A long green motor-car was drawing up slowly and noisily in front of the garage, emitting a cloud of smoke\N'46' From the seat beside the chauffeur sprang a large man, wearing a heavily furred coat\N'46' He came round the car and called out, before he reached the open door of the repairing shop: .pop_env .push_env .sp "Here, I say there! Can you do anythink for this car? My fool of a shover can\(cqt find out what\(cqs wrong, and we\(cqll crock up altogether if we go on like this\N'46' The engine\(cqs knocking like anythink\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp By this time he had reached the doorway, and he stood there facing Templeton, after shooting one brief glance at Eves on the bench\N'46' Templeton, looking a little more solemn even than usual—or perhaps his expression was partly due to the black smears on his face—had not time to reply before Eves put in a word\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Can yer do anythink for the gentleman?" he said\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "P\(cqraps you\(cqve got another car handy?" said the stranger\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "No, there\(cqs none in just now," replied Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Can\(cqt you find one? Look here, young feller, I\(cqll make it worth yer while\N'46' I\(cqve got to call on the mayor and be at the camp inside of an hour\N'46' What yer say?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "There\(cqs not another car in the place\N'46' They\(cqre all at the camp\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, then, you got to do somethink, and look alive!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Don\(cqt keep the gentleman waiting!" said Eves, already enjoying himself\N'46' The turn things had taken seemed to carry prospects of what he called a "splendid rag\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton asked the chauffeur to step out, and taking his place, started the car, listening intently\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "There! Didn\(cqt I tell yer?" said the owner, trotting alongside\N'46' "What\(cqs wrong, eh?" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton pulled up within a few yards, and backed\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oil," he said, laconically\N'46' "Your big ends are going\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Big ends! What the jooce! Here, you Thomson, why didn\(cqt you give the engine no oil?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqCos there warn\(cqt none," said the chauffeur, sulkily\N'46' "I told yer——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "None of yer lip, now! Well, if it\(cqs only oil—Here, mister, oil up, and look sharp about it! None of yer country dawdling: get a move on!" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton looked over the side of the car, and said quietly, in his mild considered way: .pop_env .push_env .sp "I should just like to remark that unless you can moderate your impatience, or curb your somewhat insolent expression of it, you may take yourself and your car elsewhere\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Yes," cut in Eves, who had come out into the road\N'46' "If I were you, young feller, I\(cqd jolly well chuck him into the horse-pond\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .push_env .push_env .sp [Illustration: "\(cqYES,\(cq CUT IN EVES, WHO HAD COME OUT INTO THE ROAD\N'46' \(cqIF I WERE YOU, YOUNG FELLER, I\(cqD JOLLY WELL CHUCK HIM INTO THE HORSE-POND\N'46'\(cq"] .pop_env .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .sp The stranger looked from one to the other, his astonishment at Templeton\(cqs address yielding to wrath\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Who are you a-talking to?" he cried, making an aggressive move towards Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Not to you, my dear sir, not to you\N'46' I was merely telling this young feller what I should do if I were he, and you may thank your lucky stars I\(cqm not\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The man eyed the speaker truculently, as if meditating chastisement; but Eves, in spite of the blue band on his arm, looked so well knit, so vigorous, that valour subsided into discretion\N'46' Muttering something about "young pups in khaki," the stranger turned towards the car, saw that Templeton had begun lubricating, and strolled across the yard towards a strange vehicle standing outside the garage\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Here, Thomson, come and look at this," he called\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp For a few minutes the two men walked round the vehicle, discussing its appearance, laughing as one pointed out this or that feature to the other\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "It ain\(cqt a car," said the chauffeur\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "More like a boat," said his employer\N'46' "This here\(cqs a mast, ain\(cqt it? P\(cqraps it\(cqs one of them hydroplanes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "They\(cqre the same as airyplanes without the wheels\N'46' My idea it\(cqs an agricultural implement: now-a-days they\(cqve all sorts of rum contraptions in country parts\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp They examined the vehicle, perfunctorily and without knowledge, until Templeton called out that the oiling was finished\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Quite time too," said the stranger, looking at his watch\N'46' "She\(cqll go all right?" he asked, as he rejoined Templeton in the road\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Naturally I can\(cqt give any guarantee," replied Templeton, "but in all probability the engine will last out a few hours—until you have time to give it a thorough overhauling\N'46' If I may make a suggestion, let it cool down and run slowly, or the big ends will go altogether\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "H\(cqm! S\(cqpose you know! How much?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh! say half-a-crown\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Here y\(cqare\N'46' Get in, Thomson\N'46'" He shoved the chauffeur into the car\N'46' "Straight up!" he cried\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp The car rattled away, still smoking, but less vigorously than before\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Charming man!" said Eves, as the two returned to the shop\N'46' "Come across many like him, Bobby?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh! one meets all sorts\N'46' But I really think, Tom, I should be in danger of losing my temper if everybody who stopped here for repairs were quite so—so——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Exactly\N'46' Well, old sport, do hurry up with those valves\N'46' I had an early breakfast, and no squish—simply rotten, breakfast without squish\N'46' So hurry up, and we\(cqll go and swop some coupons\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *II* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 Templeton placidly resumed his job; Eves remounted the bench and again took up the newspaper\N'46' After a minute or two he exclaimed: .pop_env .push_env .sp "I say, what do you think of this? \(cqOur worthy mayor, Alderman Noakes\(cq——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Who?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Alderman Noakes\N'46' Recalls sweet memories, eh, old sport? That summer idyll in our early youth—law! what ages ago it seems! \(cqBut ah! how it was sweet!\(cq That\(cqs Browning, old man; not my own, I assure you\N'46' I seem to see, down the dim vista of departed years, the figure of our Noakes, smothered in half-consumed carbon, otherwise soot; and again the same Noakes, sprawling in a purling stream; and yet again the same Noakes, affectionately embracing his mother earth—various phases of Noakes concurrent with the flow of ideas in the cerebellum of——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, dry up, Tom! You really are an awful ass sometimes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Who are you a-talking to, young feller? I was just pointing out that the name Noakes, on the principle of the association of ideas—but let\(cqs see what it says\N'46' \(cqOur worthy mayor, Alderman Noakes, accompanied by the bailiff and reeves, will on December 21, for the four hundred and fifty-second time in the history of this ancient borough, perform the quaint ceremony of anointing the British Stone\N'46'\(cq The worthy mayor must be a hoary old Methuselah if he\(cqs performed the ceremony four hundred and fifty-one times: he might be the great-grandfather ten times removed of that old rascal we knew\N'46' And if he\(cqs even so distantly related as that, he\(cqs probably a rascal too, and deserves to be kept waiting\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Waiting? What for?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Why, for that model of urbanity and fur collar who wanted you to do somethink to this \(cqere car and look alive, young feller\N'46' He said he was going to call on the mayor, you remember\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "He\(cqs part of the show, perhaps\N'46' I wonder what that ceremony is\N'46' What a ramshackle old car that was! But all existing cars will be scrapped when I get my two-way motor going\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs the latest, is it?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Yes: I\(cqve great hopes of it\N'46' I\(cqve partly drawn up the specification—I\(cqm going to take out a patent—but I can\(cqt finish it until I get a nozzle that\(cqs being specially manufactured to my order\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Rum thing, Bob, that most of your thingummy-bobs seldom do get finished: what? But we\(cqve had some splendid rags out of them all the same\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Now that\(cqs not fair," cried Templeton, swinging round, and speaking with a heat pardonable in an earnest inventor\N'46' "My road yacht is complete; it\(cqs out there in the yard at this very moment\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That thing old Rabbit-skin was poking his nose into! What\(cqs the idea?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, it\(cqs not exactly new; it\(cqs an adaptation of the sand yacht\N'46' With petrol scarce, I asked myself, why waste petrol when the wind can be harnessed for nothing an hour?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Jolly patriotic, and sporting too, old son\N'46' How\(cqs it work?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, you see, it\(cqs a light chassis and a skeleton body with a mainsail, rigged sloop fashion, which gives me several miles an hour in a light wind; it\(cqs good for twelve or fourteen in a fair breeze on a good road on the flat\N'46' What it can do in the kind of wind we have to-day I don\(cqt know\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But hang it all, what if you\(cqre becalmed? And what about hills, and bridges, and all that?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You\(cqve spotted my main difficulty—to obtain the maximum sail area consistent with the stability of the craft and the limitations of road navigation\N'46' Of course I\(cqve got an auxiliary motor for use in calms and uphill; but bridges aren\(cqt such a nuisance as the hedges; they constrict the roads confoundedly\N'46' I have to stick to the highway \N'46'\N'46'\N'46' I say, old chap, just answer that telephone call for me, will you? Another five minutes will see me through\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves walked across to the telephone box in the corner\N'46' The following conversation ensued\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Hullo!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Are you Mr\N'46' Wilkins?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Am I Wilkins, Bob?" (in a whisper)\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Say you\(cqre the British Motor Garage," said Templeton\N'46' "Wilkins is out\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Are you there? Righto! We\(cqre the British Motor Garage\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, I say, sorry to trouble you, but Noakes\(cqs \(cqphone is out of order\N'46' Tell him he can cut his tender thirty per cent\N'46': no other offers\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Hold on a jiff\N'46'" Eves moved from the mouthpiece and turned towards Templeton\N'46' "Noakes again, Bob\N'46' Our worthy mayor\N'46' You\(cqre to give him a message, something about cutting a tender\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Tell him I know nothing about Noakes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Righto! Leave it to me\N'46'\N'46'\N'46'\N'46' Hullo! A tender cut, you said?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Can\(cqt you hear? I said, tell Noakes he can cut his tender by thirty per cent\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "All right; I\(cqve got it now\N'46' But who\(cqs Noakes, and what have we to do with him?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Aren\(cqt you Mr\N'46' Wilkins?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Wilkins is out\N'46' I\(cqm speaking from his shop\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, hang!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "He\(cqs cut off, Bob," said Eves, ruefully, hanging up the receiver\N'46' "I wanted to ask him about Methuselah\N'46' You\(cqve done at last?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Yes, thank goodness!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, clean yourself, and come along\N'46' Hullo! Here\(cqs another visitor\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp A tall, lean, loosely-built man was hurriedly crossing the yard towards the shop door\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Good morning to you," he said, somewhat breathlessly\N'46' "I\(cqm just off the train from London, and there\(cqs never a bit of a car, and what\(cqll I do at all, when I\(cqve to be at the Upper Edgecombe camp before twelve? I\(cqll be glad now if so be you can tend me the loan of a car\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You\(cqre the second man within ten minutes or so who has wanted to get to the camp in a hurry," said Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Do you say that, now? And what like might the first be, if you please to tell me?" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton was considering how to begin a serious description; but Eves forestalled him\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "A fur-lined coat, a bristly moustache, and a voice like a corncrake\N'46' That\(cqs near enough for anythink\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "It is that," said the stranger, his blue eyes twinkling for an instant\N'46' His expression became grave as he added: "Sure it\(cqs mighty unlucky, without you have a car\N'46' They told me in the town I\(cqd get one here, or nowhere at all\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm sorry I haven\(cqt one handy," said Templeton\N'46' "Ours are out\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I say, Bob, what about the road yacht?" said Eves, who had been attracted by the civility of the Irishman, and with quick wit had jumped to the conclusion that he was on the same errand as the boor\N'46' "There\(cqs a spanking wind\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, if he doesn\(cqt mind risking it," said Templeton, dubiously\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqDeed now, I\(cqll be after risking anything\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Anythink?" said Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "You\(cqll have his measure taken," said the Irishman, smiling again\N'46' "And if it\(cqs a five-pound note——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Don\(cqt mention it," said Templeton\N'46' "Tom, just lock up, will you? while I get ready\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He hastened across the yard, opened the bonnet of the car, and spent a few minutes with the inner mysteries\N'46' By the time he had satisfied himself that the engine was in working order the other two had joined him\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqve only a quart of petrol," he said\N'46' "Wilkins has taken the rest, and our monthly allowance isn\(cqt due till to-morrow\N'46' The camp\(cqs about eleven miles, and we\(cqve nearly half an hour; but there\(cqs a stiff hill that will use most of the petrol; it\(cqs an old Ford and can barely do fifteen miles to the gallon\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqll run up the hill on my two feet to lighten the car," said the stranger, eagerly; "and sure I\(cqd have run the whole way from the station if I were twenty years younger\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You must have been a stayer in your time, sir," said Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Maybe I was that, the time I did a Marathon, and was not the last either\N'46' Only for being five and forty I wouldn\(cqt be troubling you, for a matter of eleven miles\N'46' But it\(cqs a sail I see you have\N'46' There\(cqs a nice breeze from the west, surely, and if the car doesn\(cqt upset on us I\(cqm thinking we\(cqd do without petrol only for the hill\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Faith removes mountains," said Eves\N'46' "You\(cqve a pretty good share of it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Faith, and I have then\N'46' And if so be the car upsets on us, sure we\(cqll have a bit of fun, and maybe that\(cqll make up for the disappointment\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves chatted with the genial Irishman during the few minutes in which Templeton was making his final preparations\N'46' These completed, Templeton ran the machine out into the roadway\N'46' It was a strange-looking object\N'46' The body was little more than a skeleton framework, affording seating accommodation for three, and the necessary protection for the working parts\N'46' The drive was on the front wheels; the steering gear connected with the back wheels\N'46' A strong single mast was stayed just behind the driver\(cqs seat\N'46' A bowsprit projected some five feet beyond the radiator\N'46' There were two sails, mainsail and jib\N'46' As Templeton unfurled these, Eves noticed that the former had been recently patched\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Torn in a gale, Bob?" he asked\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "No\N'46' The other day a wretched farm wagon claimed more than its fair share of the road, and as of course I wouldn\(cqt give way there was what some people call a contretemps\N'46' Look here, Tom, you must manage the mainsail; I can deal with the jib\N'46' Get in: we\(cqve no time to spare\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton got into the driver\(cqs seat, the other two men into the seats behind\N'46' The car was started on petrol, and ran at a moderate pace over the half-mile of narrow road that led to the main street of the little town\N'46' Dodging the market traffic, Templeton steered the car out at the further end, and as soon as he was clear of the town slowed down and gave the word to hoist the sails\N'46' These bellied out in the brisk following wind; the strange vehicle gathered way; and, looking over his shoulder with a smile of gratification, Templeton said: .pop_env .push_env .sp "Now we\(cqre off\N'46' Look out for gybing at the corners, Tom\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *III* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 Templeton\(cqs road yacht had been for a week or two a fairly familiar object in the neighbourhood, and the few country folk on foot whom it met or passed in the first few minutes of its voyage graced it with no more attention than was evinced by a stolid stare, a shake of the head, and a sort of prolonged sigh\N'46' A spectator of quicker mind—and he would need to have been quick, for the pace was already great—might have taken a fugitive interest in noting the facial expressions of the vehicle\(cqs three occupants\N'46' Templeton looked earnest and responsible: Eves wore only the shadow of his usual smile, for he was oppressed by an anxious doubt whether his former experiences of yachting would serve him in handling the sail of this novel craft\N'46' The wind was not only strong but gusty, and at slight turns in the road the boom showed a tendency to swing out of his control and commit assault and battery on the person of his passenger\N'46' That gentleman, however, was evidently on the top of enjoyment\N'46' Whatever his errand was, it was driven from his mind by sheer exhilaration\N'46' He lived wholly in the present\N'46' Peering over Templeton\(cqs shoulder at the speedometer, he reported with boyish excitement the movements of the indicator—twenty, twenty-five, thirty: "Believe you me, it\(cqs thirty miles; the like of that, now!" .pop_env .push_env .sp Approaching a sharp bend in the road, Templeton gradually throttled down until the speed was reduced to fifteen; and when, as the yacht rounded the bend, the change of course caused the boom to swing over and knock the Irishman\(cqs hat off, the genial stranger shouted with glee and declared that he was having the time of his life, begor\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves hauled in the mainsheet; the pace again rose to twenty-five; and a marked down-grade enabled Templeton to maintain that speed for a time with the engine switched off\N'46' At the end of the dip, where the road bent again, Templeton was faced by the first up-grade—a long straight stretch almost in the teeth of the wind\N'46' Some little distance from the foot of the incline he switched on his engine, and took the ascent for the most part on top, dropping to first about two hundred yards from the summit\N'46' At this point the passenger, looking back along the road, exclaimed: .pop_env .push_env .sp "There\(cqs a car in the wake of us\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Overhauling us?" asked Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "She\(cqs not, then\N'46' How would the likes of her?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "She will, though\N'46' We shall have to slow down\N'46' Look ahead\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp A heavy farm wagon drawn by three horses had appeared over the crest of the hill, and was lumbering down with skidpans adjusted, and occupying three-fourths of the roadway\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "It\(cqs the way we\(cqd see a collision," said the Irishman, chortling\N'46' The prospect had evidently no terrors for him\N'46' Eves, on the other hand, for all his delight in a rag, felt by no means easy in mind\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Slow down, Bob," he cried, anxiously, at the same time hauling in the sheet until the sail stood almost parallel with the side of the vehicle\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton made no reply; but knowing from experience that the road yacht was a likely source of anxiety to horses he slowed down, at the imminent risk of stopping entirely, and steered well into the hedge\N'46' The carter hurried to the leader\(cqs head and pulled in to his side of the road, giving only a gaping stare as the yacht grazed the off wheels of his wagon and the hedge on the other side\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "As good a bit of steering as ever I saw," cried the Irishman\N'46' "Did you get a whiff of the mangolds?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I was expecting to be mangled," said Eves, grimly\N'46' "I say, Bob, the wind\(cqs dead ahead, and the sail\(cqs no bally good\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Lower it, man, lower it," said Templeton\N'46' "We\(cqll be all right at the next turn\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The yacht was crawling painfully to the top of the hill when there came from behind the sound of a hooter\N'46' Eves and the Irishman looked back\N'46' A large car had just rounded the bend below, and was mounting the hill with a great roaring and rattling, distinctly audible above the noise of their own straining engine\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "By George, Bob," cried Eves, "that green car that called at the garage is upon our heels\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I hear it," said Templeton\N'46' "Couldn\(cqt mistake it: I\(cqll give it room to pass\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Before the yacht had gamed the top of the hill the following car, hooting continuously, closed with it and dashed past\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I say, Bob," shouted Eves, "did you see who was in it?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "No\N'46' Didn\(cqt look\N'46' Who is it?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Rabbit-skin and Noakes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Our Noakes?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Philemon, as sure as a gun\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Our worthy mayor, evidently\N'46' Rummy!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What was that you said?" asked Eves, turning to the Irishman, who had uttered a sharp exclamation as the car ran by\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "It was what I don\(cqt care to repeat\N'46' The fellow you do be calling Rabbit-skin has the rise got on me, and indeed I\(cqm sorry I put you to the trouble and all\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Noakes, you mean?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I do not\N'46' Noakes is unbeknown to me\N'46' But by the look of it that car will get to the camp by twelve o\(cqclock, and we will not, and then Saunders, him with the fur collar, will be the way of slipping in his tender and I\(cqll be left on the doorstep\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp A light flashed on Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "You\(cqre tendering for the camp waste?" he asked, quickly\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I was\N'46' It was told me Saunders——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "All right," Eves interrupted\N'46' Leaning over Templeton\(cqs shoulder he said: "I say, Bob, it\(cqs up to you, old man\N'46' You remember that telephone call\N'46' Noakes and Rabbit-skin are in co\N'46' Tendering for the camp waste, you know\N'46' He mustn\(cqt get in first with a higher tender\N'46' Can you hustle a bit?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I daren\(cqt accelerate till we get to the top: daren\(cqt waste petrol\N'46' But then——" .pop_env .push_env .sp The yacht panted slowly up the last few yards of the hill\N'46' When it reached the top, the green car, enveloped in a cloud of smoke, was already some three hundred yards ahead, racing along a straight level stretch of road\N'46' It was clear that Saunders had recognised a business rival in the Irishman, and was urging his car to its utmost speed\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp At the summit a bend in the road had once more brought the wind on the beam\N'46' Eves instantly hoisted the sail, and the yacht in a few moments gathered way\N'46' The road here ran through an open down; there were no hedges to blanket the yacht; and on the high ground the wind blew with the force of half a gale\N'46' Giving signs of the liveliest excitement, the Irishman, his hair flying in the wind, bent over the back of Templeton\(cqs seat, and every few seconds shouted the indications of the speedometer, his voice growing louder as the figures mounted up\N'46' "Ten—fourteen—eighteen—twenty"—he followed the pointer round the dial, and when it quivered on 33 he swung his arm round, uttering a wild "Hurroosh!" and was not a whit abashed when Templeton half turned a rebuking face towards him and warned him of the risk of plunging overboard\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp There was, in truth, much reason for the man\(cqs ebullient spirits\N'46' The engine was switched off: there was little or no vibration; the yacht, as he afterwards declared, seemed to float along the road\N'46' Even when she had a decided list to starboard, the near wheels leaving the ground, he laughed as he threw his long body to windward, hanging perilously over the roadway, while Eves with mouth grim-set kept the bounding craft on a broad reach\N'46' It was soon apparent that she was more than holding her own with the long car ahead\N'46' The cloud of smoke came nearer and nearer, floating across the road to leeward like the trail from the funnel of a tramp steamer\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp The green car was running an erratic course more or less in the middle of the road\N'46' Within thirty or forty yards of her Templeton insistently sounded his horn and drew over to the right, preparing to pass\N'46' Next moment he jammed on his brake hard, with an exclamation seldom heard on his phlegmatic lips\N'46' So far from steering to his own side of the road, the driver of the car had also pulled across to the right, with the evident intention of blocking the passage\N'46' But for Templeton\(cqs promptitude the bowsprit must inevitably have run into the hood of the car\N'46' The jerk threw the Irishman heavily forward over the back of the seat, and when he recovered himself he broke into violent objurgation, which had no more effect on the occupants of the car than the strident blasts of Templeton\(cqs horn\N'46' They did not even look round\N'46' A turf-cutter on the moor scratched his head and gazed open-mouthed at the novel spectacle, and on the other side two affrighted ponies galloped with tossing manes and tails through and over the whins and gorse\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp For the moment Templeton was baffled\N'46' Then Eves, leaning forward, shouted, to be heard above the roaring of the car: .pop_env .push_env .sp "Pass her on the near side, Bob\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton nodded, reserving for the future his criticism that, in the circumstances, Eves might more properly have used a nautical term\N'46' He checked the pace still further until nearly fifty yards separated him from the obstructive car\N'46' Then, with his horn at full blast, he released the brake, and the yacht shot forward\N'46' As he had expected, the car clung still more closely to the off side, leaving only the narrowest margin between the wheels and the rough edge of the turf\N'46' Suddenly, with a turn of the wheel that caused the yacht to lurch giddily, he switched on the engine and ran deftly into the open space on the near side\N'46' A yell of delight broke from the Irishman\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Sit down and be quiet," shouted Eves, "or we\(cqll capsize yet\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Noakes had risen in the car, and was bawling in the ear of the chauffeur\N'46' The yacht had drawn level with the car\(cqs wind screen before Templeton\(cqs manoeuvre was appreciated\N'46' Now, attempting to counter it, the chauffeur, under Noakes\(cqs vehement prompting, edged towards the left with the object of forcing the lighter-built yacht into the ditch which on this side parted the roadway from the moor\N'46' Perceiving the danger, Eves, with the capacity for rising to the occasion which had distinguished him in former enterprises with his friend, instantly eased the mainsheet: the boom swung out, and came into sharp contact, first with Noakes\(cqs head, then with the wind screen, which it shivered to fragments\N'46' The chauffeur, who had glanced round, ducked his head and in his flurry gave way for a moment\N'46' That moment was long enough\N'46' Eves hauled in the sheet, and the yacht, under the dual impulse of engine and wind, shot forward and in a few seconds was clear\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .push_env .push_env .sp [Illustration: "THE BOOM SWUNG OUT, AND CAME INTO SHARP CONTACT, FIRST WITH NOAKES\(cqS HEAD, THEN WITH THE WIND SCREEN\N'46'"] .pop_env .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "Hurroosh!" yelled the Irishman, standing with difficulty erect in the swaying vehicle and looking back along the road\N'46' "Noakes, if that\(cqs the name of him, is after shaking his fist on us\N'46' I wouldn\(cqt say but he\(cqs cursing mighty fine, but sure I can\(cqt hear him for the noise of the creature\N'46' Saunders and the driver-man might be having a shindy by the looks of it\N'46' His head might be sore on him, and he\(cqll not deserve it,—the man, I mean: I wouldn\(cqt be wasting a word of pity on Saunders if so be it was him\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Meanwhile, Templeton, knowing that his petrol would barely last out, had slowed down\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Tell me if they draw up with us," he called over his shoulder\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I will, begor," said the Irishman\N'46' "She\(cqs after doing that same now, and smoking like a tug on the Liffey\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "He\(cqs driving her hard," added Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs all right," said Templeton\N'46' "It\(cqs my turn now\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp A bend in the road brought the wind only a few points on the port bow, and Templeton, sparing his petrol, allowed the yacht to lose way\N'46' The green car, hooting angrily, and leaving a huge trail of smoke, rattled on at a great pace, and moment by moment lessened the distance between it and the yacht\N'46' But Eves and Templeton between them, by their dexterous handling of steering wheel and sail, succeeded where the others had failed\N'46' The road was effectively blocked; short of running the yacht down, with the risk of heavy casualties on both sides, as Eves remarked, Noakes and his friend had no means of preventing their Irish competitor from maintaining his lead and coming first to the winning post\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp For a full mile the yacht zigzagged from one side of the road to the other\N'46' Eves handled the sheet very smartly, but soon found it hopeless to attempt to cope at once with the gustiness of the wind and the sudden swerves of the yacht, and finally contented himself with letting the boom swing freely within a narrow circle, fearing every moment that a lurch would capsize them all\N'46' Another turn in the road again gave them the wind; the yacht darted forward on a straight course, and the Irishman reported in high glee that the green car, grunting like Patsy O\(cqHalloran\(cqs pig and snorting like Mike Grady\(cqs bull, was dropping behind as fast as she could run\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "What\(cqs the time?" Templeton called suddenly over his shoulder\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Nine minutes to the hour," replied the Irishman, consulting his watch\N'46' "Will we do it?" .pop_env .push_env .sp Now that the exciting part of the race was apparently over, he had become alive to business\N'46' Twelve o\(cqclock was the hour named for the lodging of tenders with the camp commandant; "and with the likes of the Army," he said, "you might be done if so be you was half a wink late\N'46' It\(cqs not that I\(cqve a word to say in favour of any matter of punctuality in the Army; but they\(cqre the way of making a mighty fuss over trifles\N'46' It was told me the name they put to it is red tape\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "We\(cqll do it," said Templeton, "provided, first, the petrol lasts out the hill ahead; second, there aren\(cqt any lorries in the way\N'46' But in any case we must run it fine, you know\N'46' You don\(cqt want Noakes or Saunders to get in at all, I take it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Sorra a bit\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Would they tender higher than you?" asked Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "They might\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What a pity we didn\(cqt give Noakes that message, Bob\N'46' Some one at the camp wanted to give him the tip to cut his tender; there was no other to hand\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "The like of that, now, and me having the name of an honest man! Will I have time enough to write a word or two with the stump of a pencil? I have my tender in my pocket folded\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Better let it alone; we\(cqll keep Noakes off\N'46' He\(cqs still rattling along, Bob; do we get the wind up the hill?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm afraid not\N'46' The road takes an awkward turn; just ahead there, you see\N'46' We\(cqll have to rely on the petrol, and trust to luck\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The yacht rounded the turn, and the hill came in view—a short sharp spur about a quarter-mile in length\N'46' In a trice they dowsed the sails\N'46' Templeton switched on the engine, intending to rush the incline\N'46' Looking behind somewhat anxiously now, the Irishman declared that the green car was barging on like a mad steam engine\N'46' Roaring like a furnace, it seemed to leap over the ground, overhauling the yacht yard by yard until it was three-parts up the hill\N'46' Then the clamour suddenly ceased\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Begor, she\(cqs stopped," cried the Irishman, exultantly\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Big ends dropped off," said Templeton, grinning at Eves over his shoulder\N'46' "I gave him fair warning\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The yacht topped the crest\N'46' On the moor to the left a vast assemblage of huts and tents broke upon the view\N'46' By the roadside was parked a row of motor lorries\N'46' Here and there men were moving about\N'46' They stared and shouted to one another at the sight of the strange vehicle sailing towards them, or rather running now merrily on the last gill of petrol\N'46' Templeton narrowly escaped colliding with the nearest lorry, then slowed down and enquired the way to the commandant\(cqs office\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "You go in between them huts till you come to a swanky hut with a flag flying atop," replied the private addressed\N'46' "A rum turn-out, this here\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Driving on to the moor, Templeton was checked by the sentry, to whom, however, the Irishman explained that he was Patrick O\(cqReilly, come to tender for the camp waste\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Pass: you\(cqd better tender for the lot of us: we\(cqre all waste here," said the sentry\N'46' "Perhaps if you offered to buy us up they\(cqd demob\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I don\(cqt like that," said Templeton, gravely, as he drove on\N'46' "It\(cqs subversive of discipline\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Don\(cqt worry," said Eves with a smile\N'46' "He saluted all right\N'46' It\(cqs two minutes to twelve: we did jolly well, old man\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton drew up at the commandant\(cqs hut\N'46' O\(cqReilly sprang out, and after a brief colloquy with the sentry, who looked doubtfully at his bare head and touzled hair, was allowed to enter\N'46' In five minutes he returned, in animated converse with the colonel\N'46' That officer, acknowledging the punctilious salutes of Eves and Templeton, smiled at the smutty face of the latter, and remarked: .pop_env .push_env .sp "This is a queer contrivance of yours, my man\N'46' I thought Mr\N'46' O\(cqReilly was a lunatic when he told me he\(cqd arrived in a yacht, without being sick, and himself a bad sailor——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I am that," put in O\(cqReilly, parenthetically\N'46' "I wouldn\(cqt like to say how much the Irish Sea is owing me\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But I see he\(cqs not so mad as I supposed," the colonel went on\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Sure you\(cqd be the better of a voyage in her yourself," said O\(cqReilly\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Thank you\N'46' I think I prefer the real article\N'46' Not many of these machines in the market, are there?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "None, sir," replied Eves, promptly\N'46' "It\(cqs the first, a brand-new invention of my friend Templeton here, second lieutenant in the Blankshire Rifles\N'46' He\(cqs a repatriated prisoner of war, employing his leave in working out ideas that germinated in captivity\N'46' That accounts for his being improperly dressed\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Indeed! Is this the Mr\N'46' Templeton who narrowly escaped gassing my old friend Colonel Beavis?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "A pure accident, sir, due to the colonel\(cqs adventurous spirit and a loose screw\N'46' Templeton was very much cut up about it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Dry up!" growled Templeton in a fierce undertone\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, I congratulate Mr\N'46' O\(cqReilly," said the colonel, his eyes twinkling\N'46' "I gather that but for Mr\N'46' Templeton\(cqs road yacht he wouldn\(cqt have got here till after twelve, and he seemed a little hurt when I told him that a few minutes are neither here nor there\N'46' One must give a time limit, of course; but I shouldn\(cqt have turned down a good offer that happened to arrive a few minutes late\N'46' But what\(cqs this?" .pop_env .push_env .sp A crowd of privates, shouting vociferously, was approaching from the direction of the road\N'46' A few words were distinguishable in the babel\N'46' "This way, governor\N'46'" "Two to one on the long un\N'46'" And as the throng turned into the lane between the huts, among the khaki figures appeared Philemon Noakes and his fur-coated companion, trotting along in feverish haste\N'46' The soldiers fell back as they neared the commandant\(cqs hut, and the two civilians advanced alone\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Are you the colonel?" asked Noakes, panting\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I am\N'46' You want to see me?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm the Mayor of Pudlington\N'46' This is my friend Ebenezer Saunders, who\(cqs come for to tender for the camp waste\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "As per advertisement," added Saunders\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp There was something aggressive in each man\(cqs manner of speech\N'46' The colonel looked at his wrist watch\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "The time mentioned was twelve o\(cqclock, gentlemen\N'46' It is now eight minutes past\N'46' You are eight minutes too late\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You won\(cqt draw the line so tight," said Noakes\N'46' "A few minutes are neither here nor there in a matter of this sort, and as the Mayor of Pudlington—— .pop_env .push_env .sp "Excuse me, Mr\N'46' Mayor——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But it\(cqs all along o\(cq this infernal machine," cried Noakes, angrily, throwing out his hand towards the road yacht\N'46' "It was on the wrong side o\(cq the road, and we couldn\(cqt pass it no-how; obstructing of the king\(cqs highway: that\(cqs what it was; and as the Mayor of Pudlington I\(cqll have the law of them, that I will\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, come, Mr\N'46' Noakes," said Eves, pleasantly\N'46' "You tried that once before, you know\N'46' You remember my friend Templeton, even if you\(cqve forgotten me\N'46' As a matter of fact, sir," he added, turning to the colonel, "they overdrove their car, and the big ends dropped off; otherwise—well, I shouldn\(cqt have been surprised if there\(cqd been a bit of a scrap somewhere about the top of the hill\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "There would," said O\(cqReilly, decisively\N'46' "And what\(cqs more, it was the car that blocked the road, and a mighty fine trouble we had, the way we\(cqd circumvent the creature\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "It\(cqs a scandal," cried Noakes\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "A regular low-down swindle," shouted the owner of the fur coat\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqll do, sir," said the colonel, sharply\N'46' "You\(cqll be good enough to leave the camp—you and the Mayor of Pudlington\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Noakes threw at Eves a venomous glance—a glance in which was concentrated inextinguishable resentment for the unmasking he had suffered two years before\N'46' He made his way with Saunders back to the road and disappeared\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "There\(cqs more in this than meets the eye," said the colonel, smiling\N'46' "Will you gentlemen come into my hut and tell me something more of the Mayor of Pudlington?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "With pleasure, sir," replied Eves\N'46' "Come along, Bob\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Really, I must be getting back," said Templeton\N'46' "There\(cqs the garage, you know\N'46' Besides——" He looked over his dirty overalls and grimy hands\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, you\(cqll have to get some petrol; while you\(cqre doing that I\(cqll relate what I know of the life history of Noakes\N'46' A splendid rag, old man," he added, as he turned to follow the colonel\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 4 .ad c *THE COLD WATER CURE* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *I* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 "We\(cqll get some lunch at my digs," said Templeton, as he started with Eves on the return journey\N'46' "I\(cqll have time to show you one or two ideas of mine before I am due back at the garage\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, I say, Bob, I\(cqd made up my mind to stand you a topping lunch at some hotel or other\N'46' Lunch at digs!" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves\(cqs look was eloquent\N'46' Templeton smiled gently\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "There\(cqs only one hotel, or rather inn," he said, "and there you can only get Government beer\N'46' It has only domestic rations\N'46' Besides, you don\(cqt know my landlady—she\(cqs a gem! She expects me, you know, and she\(cqll have enough for two\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqA heart resigned, submissive, meek,\(cq" Eves quoted\N'46' "Well, old sport, I\(cqll try to bear up, and as I\(cqve a tremendous appetite after hospital slops, you know—just buck in, will you?" .pop_env .push_env .sp The road being mainly down-hill, and the petrol tank now full, Templeton had resolved to run back on engine power alone, and had furled the sails\N'46' Just below the crest of the hill they passed the green car, about which Noakes and his two companions were apparently engaged in a heated altercation\N'46' Noakes scowled fiercely as the road yacht dashed on\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Rummy we should come across that old humbug!" said Eves\N'46' "Still rummier that he should be Mayor of Pudlington\N'46' I thought the mayoralty was the reward for long years of civic virtue\N'46' Old Noakes can\(cqt have been here more than a couple of years\N'46' How is it you didn\(cqt know he was mayor?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "My dear man, I\(cqm not interested in municipal affairs\N'46' Besides, I\(cqve only been here a few weeks, and with only two months\(cq leave——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Just so\N'46' Like the busy bee, you must improve each shining hour\N'46' That bee must have been a frightful prig\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Come, now——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "No offence, old bean! Of course he gathered loads of honey, and all that: a jolly useful life—adventurous, too—saw a lot of the world, don\(cqt you know: always on the move\N'46' That part would suit me to a T\N'46' We\(cqre both like the bee, you see: you in your industry, and what you may call stickiness; me in my roving propensity, my incurable levity, my passion for honeydew—in the form of cigarettes\N'46' I say, Bob, I think I\(cqll write for the magazines\N'46' I don\(cqt see why my ideas shouldn\(cqt be worth something, as well as yours\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What ideas?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs an unkind cut, after I\(cqve been spouting ideas galore\N'46' I\(cqm afraid the mechanical mind will always be blind to the beauties of literature\N'46' \(cqA primrose by the river\(cqs brim\(cq—Steady, old sport, you nearly capsized us!" Templeton had swung round suddenly into a by-lane\N'46' "I was quoting a sublime passage from one William Wordsworth\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, never mind him," said Templeton, drawing up in front of a solitary cottage\N'46' "Here we are! Go straight up the stairs—you\(cqll find a clean towel\N'46' I\(cqll tell Mrs\N'46' Pouncey you\(cqre here, and follow you\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp When the two friends entered the little sitting-room a few minutes later the landlady, a short, very stout, pleasant-faced woman of sixty or thereabouts, had just placed two steaming plates of soup on the table\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "My friend Mr\N'46' Eves, Mrs\N'46' Pouncey," said Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "How d\(cqye do, Mrs\N'46' Pouncey?" said Eves, shaking hands\N'46' "Mr\N'46' Templeton has been telling me you\(cqre the best cook in the three kingdoms\N'46' You know you did, Bob; don\(cqt protest\N'46' He\(cqs very hard to please, Mrs\N'46' Pouncey, very; and if he\(cqs satisfied, you may be sure that a man of my humbler tastes will be absolutely bowled over\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, now, I declare I wouldn\(cqt have thought it\N'46' Mr\N'46' Templeton have never said a single grumble, not one\N'46' He\(cqs the best young man lodger as I\(cqve ever had, that I will say—no trouble at all!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ah, Mrs\N'46' Pouncey! how many young men lodgers have you said the same thing about? Your last lodger, for instance, now, confess!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqDeed no, sir\N'46' You be very far out\N'46' My last lodger was—there, I couldn\(cqt abide en, he was that cantankerous, and such language—I never did! I know a real gentleman when I see en, and he was nothing but a make-believe, for all his fur coat\N'46' Thankful I am he was only here a few days, and that to oblige the mayor\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Mr\N'46' Noakes?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ay, sure, that be the mayor\(cqs name, and well I know it\N'46' But do \(cqee take your soup, now, \(cqtwill be cold, and cold soup lays heavy, not to speak o\(cq the nastiness, and the pork chops grilled to a cinder\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The good woman had toddled away while speaking, and her last words came faintly through the open door\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Jolly good soup, Bob," said Eves\N'46' "And pork chops! Splendid! The old dame is a treasure\N'46' I\(cqll get her to tell us about our worthy mayor\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Mrs\N'46' Pouncey returned with two well-grilled pork chops and a dish of sprouts and baked potatoes\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Absolutely topping, Mrs\N'46' Pouncey!" said Eves\N'46' "What on earth did your last lodger find to grumble at, if you treated him like this?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Lor\(cq bless \(cqee, sir, he\(cqd grumble at everything, pertickler at the bill\N'46' He\(cqd want a penny took off here, and a penny there: and he would measure out his tea hisself, and cut his own rashers\N'46' I never did see the like\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And a friend of the mayor, too!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ay, and more\(cqn a friend, so it do seem\N'46' \(cqTis said here and there \(cqtwas a gentleman—gentleman, says I, but that\(cqs the talk!—a gentleman from London as have Mr\N'46' Noakes in his pocket, so to speak it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Really!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ay\N'46' No wonder you be mazed, the mayor being such a terrible great man and all\N'46' Some folks do rise quick in the world, to be sure\N'46' \(cqTis only a matter of two year since he came here, from no one knowed where, and \(cqa took up a big contrack with the camp for building huts, and running a canteen, I think they do call it, and I don\(cqt know what all\N'46' Ay sure, he\(cqve his fingers in many a pie, but I warrant they\(cqll get burnt, they will!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But how did a stranger become mayor so quickly?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Why, being such a great man, they put him on the Council, and t\(cqother councillors being little small men, he got over \(cqem, that\(cqs what I say\N'46' Bless \(cqee, he\(cqd have got \(cqem to make him king, if so be there was kings out of London\N'46' Ah, he\(cqve a power of money! He bought this cottage that I\(cqve paid rent for regular this twenty year, and he telled me he\(cqd raise the rent as soon as Parlyment will let him, if not before\N'46' And he made me take this Saunders man for twenty shillings a week, when I\(cqve never had less than twenty-five, never!" .pop_env .push_env .sp Apple dumplings called Mrs\N'46' Pouncey from the room\N'46' When she returned with them, and Eves wanted to know how the apples got inside the crust, the dame gave a lengthy explanation which lasted till the conclusion of the meal\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "We\(cqve a few minutes," said Templeton then\N'46' "Come and see my road-sweeper\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He led Eves to an old shed at the rear of the premises\N'46' On entering, Eves\(cqs eye was caught by a large formless mass of a substance somewhat resembling putty\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Hullo!" he cried\N'46' "Been playing with plasticine?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs another little idea of mine," replied Templeton\N'46' "A new fire extinguisher\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You had better form a company, old sport\N'46' \(cqBright Ideas, Unlimited\N'46'\(cq How\(cqs it work?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "It\(cqs very simple\N'46' You let a shallow tank, about a quarter-inch deep, into the ceiling of a room\N'46' The bottom, flush with the plaster, is pierced with holes like a sieve, the holes are plugged with my composition, and you run water into the tank\N'46' If a fire occurs the heat melts the composition——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I see! Splendid! Down comes the rain and puts out the fire! But will the shower last long enough?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Really, I\(cqm surprised at you, Tom! The fall from a tank like that will be equivalent to an average week\(cqs rainfall\N'46' But the point of the idea is the composition\N'46' I\(cqve tried other preparations without success, but this stuff of mine sets hard and yet melts easily\N'46' By varying the proportions of the ingredients you can get it to melt at different temperatures, but I haven\(cqt quite finished my experiments in that direction\N'46' The difficulty is to gauge the exact temperature required, but I\(cqll manage it before long\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "It hasn\(cqt been tried yet in a building, then?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Not exactly; but a decent local builder was rather taken with it when I showed it to him, and he\(cqs giving it a trial at the new Literary Institute he\(cqs putting up\N'46' The building was stopped by the war, but he has already started work again, and he\(cqs willing to test the idea before the plasterers finish\N'46' He has rigged up a sort of tray on the laths in the roof of the big room, and one of these days is going to put a brazier underneath\N'46' You see, if the stuff melts too easily, it will only mean a slop on the floor, and won\(cqt do any damage\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I see\N'46' What are you going to call the stuff?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Time enough for that when I\(cqve perfected the invention and sent in for my patent\N'46' Here\(cqs my road-sweeper\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He pointed to a somewhat rusty vehicle standing against one of the walls\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm only waiting for a supply of petrol to try it," he added\N'46' "The old engine uses up a frightful lot\N'46' But our allowance is due in to-morrow\N'46' I say, can you stay a day or two? Mrs\N'46' Pouncey can put you up\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Rather! I\(cqve got ten days\(cq leave\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs all right, then\N'46' Now we had better get back to the garage\N'46' Wilkins will be in a bait if it\(cqs not open sharp at two\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *II* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 As Templeton drew up in front of the garage, a bill-sticker was posting a bill on one of the side posts of the gate\N'46' The heading, hi large type, caught Eves\(cqs eye, and when he got down to open the gate, he stayed to read the announcement while Templeton drove through\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I say, Bob, there\(cqll be a splendid rag to-morrow," he said on rejoining his friend\N'46' "There\(cqs a meeting of parliamentary electors at the new Literary Institute—a final kick before the election on Saturday\N'46' Old Noakes is in the chair: he\(cqs a pacifist, you remember, and the bill gives short notice that the meeting will be addressed by——" (He mentioned the name of a notorious agitator\N'46') "We\(cqll go\N'46' Ask a few questions, perhaps\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Soldiers in uniform are forbidden to——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Rats! That\(cqs all gone by the board\N'46' The soldier\(cqs a citizen now-a-days\N'46'\N'46'\N'46'\N'46' I say, is this Wilkins?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "My employer," replied Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp A thick-set man wearing a long coat and a motor cap was coming up the path\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, any business a-doing?" he asked of Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "There have been two callers: one was a man who\(cqd over-driven his machine and run short of oil\N'46' He was in a tearing hurry, and distinctly offensive\N'46' I did what I could for him, and warned him he\(cqd lose his big ends if he wasn\(cqt careful\N'46' Here\(cqs the half-crown he paid me\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Half-a-crown! No more than that?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, he paid what I asked\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Rot it all! You didn\(cqt ask enough\N'46' A feller in a hurry, and likewise rude, ought to be made to pay\N'46' Look \(cqee here, Mr\N'46' Templeton, you\(cqre a young feller, and have got a thing or two to learn: you\(cqd best get a notion of charging if you\(cqre to be of any use to me\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What about that, then?" asked Templeton, handing him a couple of pound notes\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ah, now, that\(cqs better, to be sure! How did \(cqee get \(cqem?" asked Wilkins, pocketing the notes with a pleased smile\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "An Irishman wanted to get to the camp in a hurry\N'46' He happened to be polite, so I drove him up in my road yacht\N'46' As a matter of fact, we passed the other fellow in his car: he had picked up your mayor, and I gathered he was a business rival of the Irishman\N'46' I wasn\(cqt sorry we beat him; his big ends dropped off, as I warned him\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves noticed that Wilkins\(cqs face grew more and more glum as Templeton was speaking, and remembered the telephone call he had answered\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "The Irishman was so pleased that he offered me five pounds," Templeton went on, "but I thought two pounds was a fair charge\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Then dang me if you ain\(cqt done me out of three pounds!" cried the man, irritably\N'46' "Did any one ever hear the likes of refusing good money when \(cqtwas offered free? Done me out of three pounds—_three_ pounds, look \(cqee, as ought to have been in my pocket! Done me out of it, you have!" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves felt that this outburst was not wholly due to Templeton\(cqs moderation in charging\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, Mr\N'46' Wilkins," said Templeton, quietly, "I\(cqm sorry you\(cqre not satisfied\N'46' Perhaps we had better part\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I don\(cqt say that," said Wilkins, calming himself with an effort\N'46' "You\(cqre a gentleman, that\(cqs where \(cqtis, and not bred up to understand business\N'46' I\(cqll say no more—let it bide—but another time don\(cqt \(cqee go and refuse good money; that\(cqs business\N'46' Well, I\(cqm off up along to the town; know where I can get some petrol on the quiet; that\(cqs business too\N'46' I\(cqll be back afore long\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You keep queer company, old man!" said Eves, when Wilkins was out of ear-shot\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "He\(cqs trying at times, I confess—a rough diamond," said Templeton\N'46' "But I think he\(cqs sound\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I wonder! Somebody wanted him to give Noakes a tip, you remember\N'46' He must be very well in with Noakes, and that\(cqs suspicious in itself\N'46' His face was as long as a fiddle when you told him O\(cqReilly got in ahead of Noakes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, I\(cqll give him the benefit of the doubt\N'46' Now, I\(cqve got to make a new crank pin for a motor cycle that was brought in for repair this morning\N'46' It\(cqll take me some time, and I don\(cqt want to keep you hanging about\N'46' Why not go into the town and have a look round?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Righto\N'46' What time do you knock off?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Five\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqll call for you, then\N'46' So long!" .pop_env .push_env .sp At half-past four, when Eves returned, the workshop was lighted by the two oil lamps which were its only illumination\N'46' Templeton had just finished his work, and was washing his hands at the sink\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqve spent a profitable afternoon," said Eves, returning to his seat on the bench\N'46' "Don\(cqt think much of Pudlington, but an enquiring mind like mine can pick up pearls anywhere\N'46' I was strolling along when I came to an uncommonly ugly unfinished building, with \(cqLiterary Institute\(cq carved over the door\N'46' Some fellows were unloading chairs from a cart, and carrying them in\N'46' I went in too, and found your respectable friend the local builder there, superintending the fitting of some gas-burners\N'46' \(cqGetting ready for the meeting to-morrow?\(cq I said to him\N'46' \(cqAy, sure, sir,\(cq said he\N'46' \(cqTown Hall\(cqs occypied by Food Controller and Fuel Controller, and I don\(cqt know what all, so the meeting\(cqs to be held here, though unfinished\N'46'\(cq \(cqRather a cold place,\(cq I said\N'46' \(cqBless \(cqee, we\(cqll hot \(cqem up to-morrow,\(cq said he\N'46' \(cqThe walls will sweat like you never see\N'46' We\(cqve got a proper fine furnace down underneath, and the only pity is I haven\(cqt got the ceiling plastered; \(cqtwould have dried a bit\N'46'\(cq Whereupon I mentioned your proposed experiment with your fire extinguisher, and the old boy became cordial at once when I told him you were a friend of mine\N'46' You\(cqve evidently impressed him, Bob\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton grunted\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "It\(cqs quite true\N'46' To be a friend of yours lifts one a good many notches\N'46' \(cqThat young gemman do have a terrible powerful piece of intelleck inside of his brain-pan,\(cq says your builder\N'46' \(cqAy, and what\(cqs more, he\(cqs a rare earnest soul, always inventing things for the good of his day and generation\N'46' He\(cqs a credit to the nation, that he be!\(cq Of course I congratulated him and Pudlington on the temporary possession of so bright an ornament, and we had quite a friendly talk\N'46' He seemed rather doubtful whether it\(cqs legal to hold a public meeting in a building before it has been passed by the surveyor, but Noakes is above the law, or thinks he is\N'46' We\(cqll go to-morrow, Bob: it\(cqll be a good rag\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm not sure that I want to go to the meeting," said Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, you must! I want to see Noakes\(cqs face when he spies us in the audience\N'46' By the way, I think he must be rather thick with your Wilkins\N'46' Not many minutes after I\(cqd left the Institute I met the green car being towed along by two great farm horses\N'46' Noakes and Saunders were walking alongside\N'46' Noakes gave me his usual scowl as he passed, which I countered with my usual grin\N'46' Presently I walked round to the market-place, and there was Noakes again, in close confab with Wilkins\N'46' When they saw me they both began to talk at once, and it seemed to me that each was telling the other that he had the honour of my acquaintance\N'46' At any rate they both looked rather surprised and a good deal more than interested, and their heads were very close together when I saw them last\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm sick of Noakes," said Templeton, somewhat irritably\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "What\(cqs the matter? Has he been here?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "No, but half an hour after you left, Wilkins came back with a can of petrol, and offered it to me for my experiments in a way that was positively fawning\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "To make amends for his roughness before\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I don\(cqt like that sort of thing\N'46' It\(cqs too much Noakes\(cqs way, and what you say throws light on it\N'46' If he and Noakes are pals—well, when I wangle, even if it\(cqs petrol, I like to do it in decent company\N'46' I disliked Wilkins\(cqs manner so much that I declined the petrol: told him I\(cqd wait for the regular supply\N'46' The odd thing is that Noakes has not been here at the shop in my time\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Rather lucky for you, for if he\(cqd found you here, he would have told Wilkins you\(cqre a dangerous character, and got you fired out\N'46' He may do that yet\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, let\(cqs get along home\N'46' Mrs\N'46' Pouncey will have high tea ready, and I\(cqm ravenous\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp After their meal, which was tea and supper combined, they smoked for an hour in the sitting-room\N'46' Then Templeton jumped up\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Botheration!" he exclaimed\N'46' "I was going to work on my turbine specification, but I\(cqve left it in a drawer at the shop\N'46' I shall have to pull on my boots again and fetch it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Can\(cqt it wait? It\(cqs a horrid night\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I really can\(cqt waste a whole evening\N'46' My time\(cqs getting short, and I\(cqve lots still to do\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, I\(cqll come along with you\N'46' After supper walk a mile, you know\N'46' It\(cqs about a mile there and back, I suppose\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The night was damp and murky\N'46' The country lane was unlit, and they found their way by intermittent flashes of Templeton\(cqs electric torch\N'46' There was no dwelling between Mrs\N'46' Pouncey\(cqs cottage and the garage, and at this hour, half-past eight on a winter night, they were not likely to meet either pedestrians or vehicles\N'46' So much the greater, therefore, was Templeton\(cqs surprise, when, on approaching the spot where the garage and workshop stood, he saw a dim light through the window of the latter\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Wilkins went off at half-past three, and said he wouldn\(cqt be back to-night," said Templeton\N'46' "I suppose he changed his mind\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp To reach the door they had to pass the window\N'46' It was only natural that Eves, who was on the inside, should glance in\N'46' Catching Templeton by the arm, he drew him back out of the rays of the lamp-light, whispering: .pop_env .push_env .sp "There\(cqs some one stooping at a drawer, trying a key, apparently\N'46' Couldn\(cqt see his face, the light\(cqs too dim\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "It\(cqs Wilkins, I expect\N'46' No one else has any right here," replied Templeton\N'46' "I\(cqll take a look\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Peeping round the frame of the window, through the dirty pane, he was able to distinguish nothing but a man\(cqs form at the further end of the shop\N'46' The lamp, hanging from the middle of the roof, was turned very low, and the bent attitude of the man, with his back three-parts towards the window, rendered it impossible to discern his features\N'46' He was covered with a long waterproof, and a storm cap was pulled low over his head\N'46' From his movements it was clear that he was trying one key after another\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "It\(cqs not Wilkins," whispered Templeton\N'46' "I never saw him dressed like that\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Then it\(cqs a burglar," replied Eves\N'46' "Nab him!" .pop_env .push_env .sp They moved on tip-toe to the door\N'46' Templeton grasped the handle, murmuring: .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqll turn it suddenly—then make a dash!" .pop_env .push_env .sp There was absolute quiet all around, and the sound of jingling keys came faintly through the door\N'46' After a few moments\(cq pause Templeton turned the handle noiselessly, and pushed the door open\N'46' The damp weather had, however, swollen the timber, and the slight sound it made as it strained against the door-post attracted the attention of the man beyond\N'46' Still stooping over the drawer, he turned his head sharply\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "My hat! Noakes!" muttered Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Springing into the shop past Templeton, who had halted on recognising Noakes, as if to consider matters, Eves dashed at the waterproofed figure\N'46' The moment\(cqs warning had enabled Noakes to prepare for attack\N'46' He projected a bony shoulder, prevented Eves from getting the clutch he intended, and made a rush towards the door\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Collar him, Bob!" cried Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp During the next minute there was a rough-and-tumble in which Noakes\(cqs legs played as free a part as was possible to a man encased in a long waterproof\N'46' He displayed astounding agility in evading close action, and it was not until Eves caught him by the heel as he kicked out that he was brought to the ground\N'46' "I\(cqll sit on him," said Eves\N'46' "Ring up the police station, Bob, and ask them to send a constable to arrest a burglar\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But are you sure—" Templeton began\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Don\(cqt argue," said Eves\N'46' "He\(cqs a desperate character; I can hardly hold him\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton went to the telephone, lifted the receiver, then turned again towards Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Don\(cqt you think, as it\(cqs Mr\N'46' Noakes——" he said\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Mr\N'46' Noakes! The Mayor of Pudlington?" interrupted Eves\N'46' "Picking locks! Nonsense! Ring up at once, Bob, and then come and help: the ruffian will be too much for me, just out of hospital\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton gave the message\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "They\(cqll send a man at once\N'46' He\(cqll be here in about ten minutes," he reported\N'46' "Are you sure it isn\(cqt Mr\N'46' Noakes? I could have sworn I recognised him\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "So I am—so I am," panted the prisoner, who had hitherto struggled in silence\N'46' "What the Turk do \(cqee mean by assaulting me—murderous assault—Mayor of Pudlington?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Now, now, don\(cqt be rash!" said Eves\N'46' "You won\(cqt make matters any better by pretending to be our worthy mayor\N'46' He won\(cqt like that, you know, when you\(cqre brought into court to-morrow\N'46' I shall have to give evidence, and when I tell him that the fellow caught rifling a drawer took his name in vain——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But I be the mayor—Philemon Noakes; and I\(cqll send you to jail for assault and battery, without the option of a fine\N'46' Let me go! I\(cqm the mayor, I tell \(cqee!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I really think he\(cqs telling the truth," said Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Just then Noakes, kicking out, dealt Templeton a heavy blow on the ankle\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "You had better lie still, whoever you are!" said the latter, warmly\N'46' "Violence won\(cqt help you!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Of course not—only makes things ten times worse!" said Eves\N'46' "Catch his legs, Bob; if he isn\(cqt quiet we\(cqll have to truss him up\N'46' I never came across such an impudent scoundrel\N'46' Here\(cqs a burglar, caught in the act, claiming to be the chief magistrate! That beats everything! How\(cqs it possible? I say, Bob, there\(cqll be a queer scene in court to-morrow\N'46' Suppose it were true, I can\(cqt for the life of me see how the mayor on the bench and the criminal in the dock are going to arrange matters\N'46' Will he hop from one to the other, and finally sentence himself? That\(cqs a Jekyll and Hyde problem I can\(cqt solve\N'46' But here\(cqs somebody coming—the bobby, I expect\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Through the half-open door came a policeman, with handcuffs hanging from his wrists\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Here he is, constable!" said Eves\N'46' "He\(cqs been struggling, but I dare say he\(cqll go quietly\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Now then, there," said the constable, "get up and come along quiet\N'46' We\(cqve been looking for you a month past\N'46' Who gives him in charge?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I do," said Eves, "though I suppose Mr\N'46' Templeton ought to do it\N'46' You know Mr\N'46' Templeton, constable? Temporary assistant to Mr\N'46' Wilkins\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ay, sure, I\(cqve seed the gentleman\N'46'" Noakes had now risen, and stood before the constable, Eves on one side, Templeton on the other\N'46' His face, hitherto in shade, had come within the rays of the dim lamp\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Daze me!" said the constable, after a hard stare\N'46' "Surely—ay, \(cqtis the mayor, with the beginning of a black eye!" .pop_env .push_env .push_env .push_env .sp [Illustration: "\(cqDAZE ME!\(cq SAID THE CONSTABLE\N'46' \(cqSURELY—AY, \(cqTIS THE MAYOR\N'46'\(cq"] .pop_env .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "Of course I\(cqm the mayor!" said Noakes, truculently\N'46' "These young ruffians have assaulted me\N'46' I give them in charge, Brown\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs cool!" said Eves\N'46' "Don\(cqt pay any attention to him, constable\N'46' He\(cqs mad, or intoxicated\N'46' Mr\N'46' Templeton had occasion to come back to the shop, and we found this fellow in the act of trying to open a drawer where Mr\N'46' Templeton keeps important papers\N'46' He got a bit ruffled, of course\N'46' He says he\(cqs the mayor, but is that likely? Take him to the station, constable: we\(cqll give the superintendent the facts\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "He\(cqs the mayor, or his double," said the constable\N'46' "And as to arresting the mayor——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Don\(cqt be a fool, Brown," said Noakes\N'46' "It\(cqs all a mistake—and a mistake that\(cqll cost these young ruffians dear\N'46' I came here to see Wilkins, and afore I could get a word out, they knocked me down and nigh squeezed the breath out of me\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And Wilkins knows that you open his drawers in his absence?" said Eves\N'46' "Are these your keys, Bob, or Wilkins\(cqs?" .pop_env .push_env .sp He held up the bunch of keys which Noakes had dropped\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Neither," said Templeton\N'46' "Mine are in my pocket: Mr\N'46' Wilkins no doubt has his\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, jown me if I know what to do!" said the constable\N'46' "You\(cqd better all come along and charge each other, seems to me!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What\(cqs all this?" said a voice at the door\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Wilkins entered breathlessly\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "They rang me up from the station, and told me there was burglars in my shop\N'46' Where be they? Mr\N'46' Noakes, what have been going on? What have come to your eye?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You may well ask, Wilkins\N'46' I came to have a word with you about that estimate, you know——" Wilkins tried to look as if he knew—"and these fellows, one an assistant of yours, I understand, set on me and half murdered me—took me for a burglar, ha! ha!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "He was trying his keys on this drawer, Mr\N'46' Wilkins," said Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "And why not?" demanded Wilkins, indignantly\N'46' "Why not, I ask \(cqee? \(cqTis my drawer, I keep my papers there, and Mr\N'46' Noakes having come to see me about an estimate, of course he saves time and gets the estimate out ready\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And Brown will take \(cqem in charge for an unprovoked assault," said Noakes\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, now, Mr\N'46' Noakes," said Wilkins, soothingly, "I wouldn\(cqt go so far as that\N'46' Not if it was me\N'46' It do seem \(cqtwas a mistake\N'46' They took \(cqee for a burglar—a nat\(cqral mistake, that\(cqs what it was, and my advice to one and all is, let it bide and say no more about it\N'46' We don\(cqt want no newspapers getting a hold of things like this\N'46' Won\(cqt do none of us no good—that\(cqs what I say\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves was loth to let Noakes go scot free, but after a whispered consultation with Templeton, who pointed out the improbability of any magistrate being induced to believe, in face of Wilkins\(cqs explanation, that the mayor was a burglar, he grudgingly agreed to withdraw the charge\N'46' Templeton took the precaution of removing all his own papers from the drawer, and leaving Noakes with Wilkins, returned with Eves to Mrs\N'46' Pouncey\(cqs cottage\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "So much for your rough diamond!" said Eves\N'46' "Noakes evidently didn\(cqt know before to-day that you were here, and when I saw him confabbing with Wilkins he was no doubt asking all about you\N'46' Wilkins must have told him about your inventions, and he thought a visit to your drawer would give him an idea or two, and enable him to get in first with a patent\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But you don\(cqt suppose Wilkins was in the plot?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I don\(cqt know about that, but he\(cqs clearly under Noakes\(cqs thumb\N'46' Some one said that you know a man by the company he keeps\N'46' Wilkins keeps uncommonly bad company\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm disappointed in him, I confess," said Templeton\N'46' "To-morrow I\(cqll give him a week\(cqs notice, and work on my own for the rest of my leave\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *III* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 Next morning Templeton, after breakfast, went to the workshop as usual, leaving Eves to his own devices until lunch-time\N'46' Eves spent an hour pottering about in the shed, and was particularly interested in the fire extinguishing composition\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Rummy old sport!" he thought\N'46' "I suppose he will strike something really good one of these days, and be a bloated millionaire while I\(cqm pinching on a miserable pension\N'46' Wonder what temperature this stuff melts at, by the way\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He found, standing against the wall, a metal tray pierced with holes which had been plugged with the composition\N'46' A thermometer hung on a nail\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Hanged if I don\(cqt experiment on my own account!" he thought\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp He filled the tray with water from the pump in Mrs\N'46' Pouncey\(cqs garden, laid it on an iron tripod which he found in the shed, and obtaining some firewood and coke from Mrs\N'46' Pouncey, kindled a small fire in an iron brazier\N'46' This he put underneath the tray, hanging the thermometer from the tripod\N'46' In a few minutes a sizzling informed him that water was trickling through the holes, and lifting the thermometer, he discovered that it registered 76°\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "By George! What a rag!" he exclaimed\N'46' "I wonder if it can be done! Mustn\(cqt tell Bob, though!" .pop_env .push_env .sp He put out the fire, emptied the brazier and the tray, replugged the holes and removed all traces of his experiment\N'46' Then he walked into the town, and made his way to the Literary Institute\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Good morning, Mr\N'46' Johnson," he said to the builder, whom he found reading a newspaper in the large hall, and smiling broadly\N'46' "You\(cqve got all ready for to-night, I see\N'46' How many will the place hold?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Two hundred and fifty, or thereabouts," said the builder\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs about the whole able-bodied population of Pudlington, isn\(cqt it?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Why no, sir, not with the women folk\N'46' They\(cqve got votes now-a-days, and there be more women voters than men, seemingly\N'46' Have \(cqee seen the _Echo_, sir?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Your local rag? Anything in it?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "A rare bit o\(cq news that you won\(cqt see every week\N'46' Look \(cqee here\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He handed the _Pudlington Echo_ to Eves, pointing to a paragraph headed with large type\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 .ad c "MISTAKEN FOR A BURGLAR .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp .ad c "AMAZING EXPERIENCE OF THE MAYOR .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "Our worthy mayor was involved in an awkward predicament last night\N'46' In pursuance of an appointment with Mr\N'46' Wilkins, of the British Motor Garage, he arrived at the workshop between eight and nine o\(cqclock, and was awaiting the proprietor, when he was suddenly seized and thrown down by a young man in the uniform of a second lieutenant, who had come up in company with Mr\N'46' Wilkins\(cqs assistant, and, not familiar with the mayor\(cqs lineaments, had mistaken him for a burglar\N'46' The police were telephoned for, and Constable Brown, on reaching the scene, found himself in an unenviable position, between cross-charges of burglary and common assault\N'46' The tension was relieved by the arrival of Mr\N'46' Wilkins, who saw at once that a pardonable mistake had been made by his assistant and the young officer, and by the exercise of his accustomed tact succeeded in bringing both parties to an amicable understanding\N'46' We have unfortunately to record that in the regrettable fracas our mayor sustained an ocular abrasion, the consequences of which, while temporarily disfiguring, will, we trust, be otherwise negligible\N'46' As a comparative newcomer Mr\N'46' Noakes may not be aware that he is in good company\N'46' Those familiar with the chronicles of our ancient borough will remember the historic bout between Ted Sloggins and Jemmy Wild, the prizefighter once Mayor of Pudlington, when the latter was knocked out in the tenth round with two broken ribs and a black eye\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 "That\(cqs a nasty one!" said Eves, returning the paper\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "That last bit, sir? True, I feel it so—very nasty indeed\N'46' That feller have got his knife into the mayor, in a sly sort of way\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Mr\N'46' Noakes isn\(cqt very popular, then? The local paper would hardly give a dig at a popular mayor\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, sir, to tell \(cqee the truth, there\(cqs two parties, one for and one against\N'46' Mr\N'46' Noakes is almost a newcomer, and some folks don\(cqt take kindly to his pushing ways\N'46' I don\(cqt myself, I own it\N'46' He\(cqs near driven me off my head over this meeting, and though I\(cqd do anything in the way of business, I don\(cqt hold with his views\N'46' He was one of they \(cqStop the War\(cq kidney, and though goodness knows I\(cqd \(cqa stopped the war, having a son over in France, I wouldn\(cqt stop it a moment afore we\(cqd done what we set out to do, and thankful I am our lads have done it\N'46' That there young officer last night"—he smiled—"was you, I take it, sir\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "The curtain\(cqs dropped over that, Mr\N'46' Johnson," said Eves\N'46' "By the way, you were going to try Mr\N'46' Templeton\(cqs new fire extinguisher\N'46' Have you rigged up the apparatus?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ay, sure, \(cqtis all ready\N'46' Come up along, and I\(cqll show \(cqee\N'46' I\(cqll try it next week, just afore I plaster the ceiling\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He took Eves to the floor above, and showed him, between the workmen\(cqs planks and the matchboard, a large shallow tank of sheet iron resting on the rafters\N'46' It was filled with water, and the builder explained that the holes in the bottom had been plugged with the composition a week before\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Most ingenious," said Eves, making a mental note of the position of the tank\N'46' "If it answers, I suppose you will make a tank to cover the whole of the ceiling\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Surely, and put it into every house, hall or church I build\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Johnson, where are you?" came a call from below\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTis Mr\N'46' Noakes himself, come to bother me again!" said Johnson in an undertone\N'46' Aloud he cried: "Coming, Mr\N'46' Noakes, coming! \N'46'\N'46'\N'46' Belike you\(cqll bide here a bit," he added with a smile\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm not keen on meeting your worthy mayor," replied Eves\N'46' "I\(cqll come down when he\(cqs gone\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Through the matchboard Eves clearly heard the conversation between the two men\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Look \(cqee here, Johnson," began Noakes, irritably, "this won\(cqt do\N'46' The place is as cold as an ice-house, and my orders was to heat en well\N'46' Folks won\(cqt be no good listening to speeches if they\(cqre all of a shiver\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Why, bless \(cqee, Mr\N'46' Noakes, \(cqtis only ten o\(cqclock\N'46' There\(cqs plenty of time to get the room comfortable warm by seven\N'46' The furnace is going, and you don\(cqt want the place like a greenhouse, do \(cqee? Folks \(cqud all drop asleep\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "There\(cqs a medium, Johnson\N'46' I count on you to regulate the furnace so\(cqs we\(cqre cosy-like\N'46' \(cqTis a raw morning, and \(cqtwill be worse to-night\N'46' Keep the furnace going steady, and come four o\(cqclock shet all the winders to keep out the night air\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But what about ventilation? If so be there\(cqs a good audience you\(cqll have women fainting, and I don\(cqt know what all\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "There\(cqll be plenty of ventilation through the matchboard," said Noakes, looking upward\N'46' "Besides, we\(cqve always the winders to cool the air if need be, but if you ain\(cqt got a good fire—why there you are! See that my orders are carried out, Johnson\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Very good\N'46' You shall have it like an oven if you like: \(cqtis not for me to say\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Noakes, whose face suggested the recent application of a beefsteak, inspected the rows of chairs, mounted the platform and re-arranged the table, scolded the charwoman who had left her dust-pan on the chairman\(cqs seat, and finally departed\N'46' Then Eves rejoined the builder\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "They\(cqll be warm afore they gets to work," said the latter, smiling, "And if so be there\(cqs any opposition, I won\(cqt say but what tempers \(cqll rise to biling point\N'46' However!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "A queer man, your mayor!" said Eves\N'46' "By the way, I\(cqd like to have a look at your furnace\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Surely, sir\N'46' Come wi\(cq me\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He led Eves into the basement, where a young man in shirt-sleeves was stoking the fire\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqll have to keep \(cqee to-night, Fred," said the builder, "and sorry I be to say it, but the mayor\(cqs just been talking to me, and wants the place hotted up\N'46' You must stay till eight, my lad, and leave a good fire when you go: there\(cqs no telling how long the speechifying will last; these \(cqlection meetings are that uncertain\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The stoker brushed his arm across his damp brow, and muttered something uncomplimentary of the mayor\N'46' Johnson expounded to Eves the merits of his heating system, and followed him up the stairs again\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "The mayor\(cqs a busy man just now," said Eves\N'46' "Isn\(cqt there some sort of a ceremony coming on?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ay, so \(cqtis, a ceremony that\(cqs come down from very ancient days, very ancient indeed, when we was all heathens, so it seems\N'46' \(cqTis the anointing of the British Stone, they do call it, a rare old block of granite all by itself in a field some way north o\(cq the town\N'46' Nobody knows how it come there, but \(cqtis said there was a battle on the spot, I don\(cqt know how many hundred years ago, and a whole cemetery of bones down below\N'46' Whatever the truth is, the mayor and corporation marches out in full rig once a year, and the mayor breaks a bottle o\(cq cider, the wine o\(cq the country, atop of the stone\N'46' I say \(cqtis just an excuse for a randy, for they make a sort of fair o\(cqt, wi\(cq stalls and merry-go-rounds, and I don\(cqt know what all\N'46' There won\(cqt be so much fun as usual this year, though, owing to shortage of sugar for sweets and cakes and such\N'46' Still, maybe \(cqtwill be worth your seeing, being so ancient\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Rather! I\(cqm tremendously keen on rags, ancient or modern\N'46' I\(cqll be there!" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves bade the builder good-bye at the door of the hall, and the latter went up the street to his office\N'46' As soon as his back was turned, Eves hastened below to the furnace room\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Pretty thirsty work, isn\(cqt it?" he said to the man\N'46' "I don\(cqt wonder you\(cqre not keen to be kept so long at it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTisn\(cqt that, sir," said the stoker\N'46' "The truth o\(cqt is I was going to take my girl to the cinema to-night\N'46' It begins at seven, and she\(cqll be in a taking, \(cqcos they\(cqre showing some war pictures, and I\(cqm in one of \(cqem, and she\(cqs mad on seeing me, though I tell her I ain\(cqt doing nothing, only looking down my nose at a blooming Hun prisoner\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Naturally she wants to see you, and squeeze your hand, and—you know\N'46' I should myself\N'46' Well, I\(cqll tell you what\N'46' I\(cqll come about 6\N'46'45 and release you\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The man stared\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I mean it, no kid," Eves went on\N'46' "I intended coming to the meeting, but there\(cqll be nothing very interesting until half time, and the stoking will be finished by then\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But you\(cqll mess your clothes, sir, not to speak of your hands\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, no! I\(cqll see to that\N'46' Besides, you know, we didn\(cqt fret ourselves about dirt in the trenches\N'46' That\(cqs all right, then, and look here—get your young woman a box of chocolates, a pound box—all one price, four shillings\N'46' She\(cqll like your picture all the more\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He handed the man a couple of half-crowns, cut short his effusive thanks, and made his way back to the cottage\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Bob come home, Mrs\N'46' Pouncey?" he asked the old dame\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Not yet, sir, and I do hope he won\(cqt be late, for I\(cqve got as tender a loin of young pig as ever I\(cqve roasted\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Capital! I\(cqm ravenous, I always am\N'46' It\(cqs a disease, Mrs\N'46' Pouncey\N'46' Don\(cqt I show it in my face?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Bless your heart, sir, your face does me good: it do look so happy!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Happy thoughts, old dear\N'46' I\(cqve had a particularly happy thought all the morning, and it shines out on my ingenuous countenance\N'46' Some folks never show anything, you know\N'46' My friend Templeton, now—ah! here he is! Roast pork, Bob—hurry up!" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *IV* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 After early supper that evening, Eves and Templeton, giving each an arm to Mrs\N'46' Pouncey, set off for the Literary Institute\N'46' The good woman was greatly excited at the prospect of giving her vote for the first time next day, and had announced her intention of voting for "the gentleman," whereupon Eves had reproached her, with well-assumed severity\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "That is not the right spirit, I am sure of it," he said\N'46' "You are going to exercise for the first time the priceless privilege, or right, or duty, of the franchise: a most solemn responsibility, Mrs\N'46' Pouncey\N'46' Yet you have made up your mind to vote for \(cqthe gentleman\(cq without considering what views he professes, and without hearing the other side, which may be one of Nature\(cqs gentlemen\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I like \(cqem best bred, same as pig," said Mrs\N'46' Pouncey, stoutly\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I don\(cqt dispute your taste," returned Eves, "but I think you owe it to the principle of fair play at least to hear what the other fellow may have to say\N'46' This is your last chance: to-morrow is the fatal day: like the man in the poem, you must make up your mind between truth and falsehood, \(cqtwixt the good and evil side\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh! how you do talk, Mr\N'46' Eves!" said Mrs\N'46' Pouncey\N'46' "I\(cqll go, then, to please you, and I hope as I shan\(cqt be sorry for it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I don\(cqt think you will; in fact I think you will have quite a pleasant entertainment\N'46' Mr\N'46' Noakes has insisted on the hall being warm and cosy-like, and the chairs are quite good\N'46' I\(cqll find you a good place at the back of the hall\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Not too far back, then, for my hearing bain\(cqt what it was\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But your eyes are good—wonderfully good for a lady of forty or so\N'46' You shall sit where you can hear—and see—everything\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton had privately taken Eves to task for persuading the old dame to venture out on a cold night; but Eves had only chuckled\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp The young officers were both in mufti, Eves having borrowed an old suit from his friend\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp It was twenty minutes to seven when they reached the hall\N'46' The first few rows of chairs were already occupied, and people were streaming in\N'46' Eves piloted Mrs\N'46' Pouncey to a seat in the middle of the sixth row from the back wall\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "It do be warmish, to be sure," she said, removing her tippet\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Thanks to the mayor! Bob, look after Mrs\N'46' Pouncey\N'46' I\(cqll be back presently\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He dodged his way through the incoming stream, and disappeared\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton sat beside Mrs\N'46' Pouncey, looking around the audience with an air of mild interest, and quite unconscious that the good lady was basking in the glory reflected upon her by the companionship of the "young feller as had his name in the paper\N'46'" She nodded and smiled at her friends and acquaintances, and bridled visibly when she saw heads put together, nods in her direction, curious glances at Templeton, and lips whispering into ready ears\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp The hall gradually filled\N'46' Tradesmen of the town, farmers from the outskirts, a sprinkling of khaki, and a considerable number of women, occupied all the chairs, and overflowed into the aisles along the walls\N'46' Conversation buzzed; the broad Doric of the county mingled quaintly with the north-country burr and the cockney twang of the soldiers whom chance had camped in the neighbourhood\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Where be Mr\N'46' Eves, I wonder?" said Mrs\N'46' Pouncey, presently\N'46' She was in truth disappointed\N'46' "Mr\N'46' Templeton was a nice young gentleman, to be sure" (so she afterwards confided to a gossip), "but he was that quiet—well, you didn\(cqt like to speak to him promiscous-like, for fear you spoiled the high thoughts a-rooting in his mind\N'46' But that Mr\N'46' Eves, now—well, you weren\(cqt afeared of high thoughts with him\N'46' He was a merry feller, that he was, full of his fun; and talk—my dear, you should have heard him; \(cqtwas just as if you poured out a kettle till it run dry, and the most beautiful long words, I do assure \(cqee\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Where be Mr\N'46' Eves, I wonder?" .pop_env .push_env .sp The question roused Templeton from his abstracted scrutiny of the audience\N'46' He glanced at his watch; it was two minutes to seven\N'46' Some of the soldiers were already stamping their feet and calling "Time!" He looked up and down the hall, along the walls, into the doorway\N'46' Eves was not to be seen\N'46' A misgiving seized him\N'46' Eves had been very keen on coming to this meeting\N'46' Was he contemplating a "rag"? The idea made Templeton perspire\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp An outburst of cheers and clapping of hands drew his attention from his uneasy thoughts\N'46' The platform party had arrived\N'46' Noakes, wearing his chain of office, stepped first on to the platform\N'46' He was followed by a lean, hungry-looking man with fiery eyes, clean-shaven, his reddish hair brushed up from the scalp\N'46' Templeton recognised the features of a fanatical agitator whose portrait had appeared in the picture papers\N'46' The local Labour candidate, a burly fellow with a jolly red face and closely trimmed beard, took his seat beside the speaker of the evening, and the remaining chairs on the platform were occupied by his principal supporters, male and female\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp The cheers subsided, and the mayor rose\N'46' In the silence a high-pitched voice enquired from the rear of the hall, "Who said burglar?" Some of the audience laughed, some cried "Shame!" and a shrill cry of "It wasn\(cqt me!" and a scuffle announced that the chucker-out had proved more than equal to the occasion\N'46' Noakes smiled blandly until the noise had ceased: then he began\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ladies and gentlemen\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp But there is no need to report his opening speech, which indeed was unusually brief for a chairman\(cqs\N'46' Templeton had begun to think better of him, until, after announcing that he would not stand between the audience and their great comrade from London, he said that, when the speech of the evening was finished, he would venture to make a few remarks by way of applying its principles to local circumstances\N'46' He then introduced his friend and comrade, and sat down\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Nor is it worth while, perhaps, to follow the "comrade from London" through his hour\(cqs declamation\N'46' "The fellow could speak," said Templeton, afterwards, "and what he said wasn\(cqt all rot\N'46' But it was full of the most hopelessly unpractical ideas, streaked with a vein of bitterness against every thing and every body, and absolutely vitiated for me by the assumption that every rich man is a knave, and every poor man a martyr\N'46' Noakes ought to have let well alone, but he tried to dot the i\(cqs and simply provoked Eves\(cqs question\N'46' If he had closed the meeting after the big speech, there\(cqd have been no trouble\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Whether it was that the bucolic mind moved too slowly to keep pace with the orator\(cqs flying periods, or that the townsmen from London and the North were spell-bound by his fervid eloquence, or simply that the growing heat of the hall induced lethargy; certain it is that the meeting was quite orderly and decorous during the great speech\N'46' Not until the chairman was again on his feet did trouble arise, and that was due to a simple question put by Eves\N'46' But we must go back a little\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp When Eves descended into the furnace room, and released the stoker, he stripped off coat, waistcoat and collar, rolled up his shirt-sleeves, and started energetically upon his self-assumed task\N'46' Hardly two minutes had elapsed when he heard a rasping voice behind him\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs the way\N'46' Keep it going steady, my man\N'46' There\(cqs a thermometer on the wall just inside the hall; run up every now and again and take a look at it: never let it drop below 60°\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ay sure," said Eves, counterfeiting the local brogue, and Noakes, who had been standing on the bottom step, went away gratified that his orders were being carried out so well\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Not below 60°!" said Eves under his breath\N'46' "Sixteen degrees to go! Well, it\(cqs a long, long way to Tipperary, but my heart is _there_!" And he ladled coal and coke into the furnace with the fresh enthusiasm of an amateur\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp It occurred to him that if he was to slip up into the hall for the purpose of examining the thermometer it would be just as well to look the part he was playing\N'46' So he smeared his face and arms, and what was visible of his shirt, with coal dust, much assisted by the dampness of his perspiring skin\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp He paid his first visit to the thermometer just as the meeting opened\N'46' It hung on the wall near a group of Tommies who had been unable to obtain seats\N'46' They eyed him with a certain humorous sympathy\N'46' The thermometer registered 62°\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp During the hour-long oration Eves was up and down several times, noting with satisfaction that the mercury was steadily rising, yet a little doubtful whether it would reach the critical point before the close of the meeting\N'46' He noticed towards the end of the hour that the heat was telling on some members of the audience\N'46' Women were fanning themselves; two or three plethoric farmers had fallen asleep: all the Tommies had unbuttoned their tunics\N'46' "Some fug, mate!" one of them remarked in a stage whisper\N'46' Eves only smiled in answer; he had seen that the mercury now touched 74°, and having stoked up the furnace to its full capacity, was satisfied that he could do no more, and stood among the soldiers\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp The great speech ended in wild and whirling words: the speaker sat down amid applause, and Noakes arose\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Now, my friends, we\(cqve heard a terrible fine speech, that we have, and I agree with every word of it\N'46' Afore I call upon our candidate—he\(cqll be our member to-morrow—to propose a vote of thanks to our comrade, I\(cqve a thing or two to say for to bring it home to the hearts o\(cq the men and women o\(cq Pudlington\N'46' Capitalism, as he truly said, is the deadly poison as is driving a nail into the roots o\(cq the nation: I couldn\(cqt say better nor that\N'46' Well, then, neighbours all, what I do say is, don\(cqt \(cqee go and vote for no capitalist as belongs to a covey of profiteers, birds of prey as peck out the vitals o\(cq the widder and the orphan\N'46' Ah, neighbours! my heart bleeds as I think o\(cq the poor lone widder woman as pays dear for her bread, and can\(cqt get no cheese, scraping to pay the rate collector as he——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Who raised Widow Pouncey\(cqs rent?" came a clear voice from the back of the hall\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp The mayor paused, and cast a swift glance in the direction of the questioner\N'46' He had recognised the voice, and sought for that well-remembered figure in officer\(cqs khaki\N'46' The somnolent audience was roused, every head was turned, many people had risen from their seats\N'46' Mrs\N'46' Pouncey, who had been dozing, her head constantly wobbling over towards Templeton\(cqs shoulder, suddenly sat erect, and exclaimed with a cry of delight: "That\(cqs Mr\N'46' Eves at last, bless him!" Eves himself, having launched his question, and ascertained that the mercury stood at 75°, turned with a smile towards the eager Tommies who wanted to know all about Widow Pouncey\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Noakes recovered from the shock before the first thrill of excitement had passed off\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "\(cqTis low manners to interrupt," he said in his smoothest tones, still trying to discover Eves\(cqs whereabouts, but in vain\N'46' "I was a-going to say——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Answer the question!" came in a chorused roar from the soldiers\N'46' "Who raised Widow Pouncey\(cqs rent?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Shall I tell \(cqem, sir?" whispered Mrs\N'46' Pouncey\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "No, no!" advised Templeton, anxious to avoid publicity\N'46' "Better say nothing\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ay, I be that shy, and the room so terrible hot\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "As chairman of this meeting," said Noakes, with a patient smile, "I rule that questions can\(cqt be asked now\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Who—raised—Widow—Pouncey\(cqs—rent?" sang the Tommies, to the tune of "Here we suffer grief and pain" _da capo_\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Who was it, mate?" asked one of them\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I dare say he\(cqll tell us presently," said Eves, "if you keep it up a little longer\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He had his eyes on the thermometer\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp The "comrade from London" got up and spoke earnestly in Noakes\(cqs ear, while the chorus continued\N'46' The mayor gave a sickly smile and held up his hand\N'46' There was silence\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "My friend on my right," said the mayor, "reminds me as there\(cqs nothing more powerful than the truth\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Righto!" yelled the Tommies\N'46' "Who—raised——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "_Nobody!_" shouted the mayor\N'46' "\(cqTis a lie!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What\(cqs a lie?" cried one of the men\N'46' The others looked enquiringly at Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I say \(cqtis a lie!" repeated the mayor\N'46' "Mrs\N'46' Pouncey pays me five shilling a week, the same as she\(cqs paid——" .pop_env .push_env .sp He stopped, for three parts of the way down the hall there rose a stout figure, with face flushed and bonnet awry\N'46' There was a moment\(cqs breathless silence, then Mrs\N'46' Pouncey, with forefinger outstretched towards the mayor, spoke out\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ay, the same as I\(cqve paid honest for twenty year, afore ever you come into the town, and \(cqtwas you as said \(cqtwould be doubled as soon as Parlyment lets you, if not afore, and not a word of a lie in it, Mr\N'46' Noakes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The old woman collapsed into her seat, amid murmurs of "Shame!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Good old Mrs\N'46' Pouncey!" "Who said profiteer?" "Noakes raised Widow Pouncey\(cqs rent!" "Chuck him out!" "Get out, old crocodile!" .pop_env .push_env .sp The hall rang with various cries\N'46' Eves, smiling broadly, glanced at the thermometer The mercury touched 76°\N'46' Noakes leant forward over the table, and shaking his fists, roared: .pop_env .push_env .sp "As chairman of this meeting, and Mayor of Pudlington, here I be, and here I bide\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He started back suddenly, putting a finger between his collar and his neck, and looking upward\N'46' Next moment he dropped his head and brushed a drop of water from his nose\N'46' Several of the platform party turned their faces up, started back, and upset their chairs\N'46' Two or three thin streams of water, as from the eyelets in the spray of a shower bath, were descending from the unplastered ceiling\N'46' Noakes edged a little to the left, and was opening his mouth again, when with a hiss and clatter like a heavy shower of rain upon a glass house, the whole contents of Templeton\(cqs experimental tank poured down between the laths of the matchboard\N'46' Noakes gasped and spluttered, the ladies of his party shrieked, all the occupants of the platform stampeded like a flock of sheep, overturning their chairs, obstructing one another in their mad flight for the stairs\N'46' For one moment of amazement the audience was silent; then a roar of inextinguishable laughter broke from nearly three hundred throats, whistles and cat-calls resounded, the Tommies looked round for the stoker, whom, by some obscure instinct or intuition, they connected with the catastrophic shower\N'46' But Eves had slipped away\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .push_env .push_env .sp [Illustration: "THE WHOLE CONTENTS OF TEMPLETON\(cqS EXPERIMENTAL TANK POURED DOWN\N'46'"] .pop_env .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 A special Election Edition of the _Pudlington Echo_ appeared next day, and was bought up eagerly by the crowds who, in spite of the pouring rain, had flocked into the town to record their votes\N'46' The Editor had filled half a column with a descriptive paragraph in his best style\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c "SHOWER BATH AT A MEETING .pop_env .push_env .sp .ad c "REMARKABLE INCIDENT .pop_env .push_env .sp .ad c "THE MAYOR MISSES HIS UMBRELLA .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "The meeting at the Literary Institute in support of the candidature of Mr\N'46' Benjamin Moggridge was broken up by a most remarkable unrehearsed effect, which is probably without parallel in the political life of this country\N'46' The mayor, Alderman Noakes, was in the act of protesting, with all the dignity pertaining to his exalted office, against the demands of certain unruly spirits that he should vacate the chair, when a quantity of water, calculated to be equal to a rainfall of 2\N'46'8 ins\N'46', descended with startling suddenness and almost tropical violence upon the platform, bringing the meeting to a summary end\N'46' We understand that this inauspicious close to Mr\N'46' Moggridge\(cqs campaign was due to the unexpected operation of a new fire extinguisher, which the builder, our well-known and respected fellow citizen Mr\N'46' James Johnson, had located above the hall with a view to experimenting on a suitable occasion\N'46' The premature exhibition of this remarkable invention, which promises to be an epoch-making success, appears to have originated in the laudable desire of Mr\N'46' Noakes that the large audience should be in no way inconvenienced by the inclemency of the weather\N'46' His orders that the hall, which, in its unfinished state, might otherwise have sown the seeds of dangerous and possibly fatal complaints, should be heated to a wholesome degree of temperature, were carried out with what proved to be supererogatory solicitude; but our worthy mayor will doubtless console himself for his temporary discomfiture—the second this week, it will be remembered—with the reflection that the efficacy of the new fire extinguisher was abundantly demonstrated, and that the future immunity of the Literary Institute from the ravages of the devouring monster is assured\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 4 .ad c *A BRUSH WITH THE ENEMY* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *I* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 Eves was dozing comfortably beneath a pile of blankets\N'46' It was a cold morning, and though he had been awakened when Templeton rose from the adjacent bed, he had merely snorted in reply to his friend\(cqs declaration that it was time to get up, and turned over on the other side\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp His slumbering ears were just conscious of a shout from below; but he paid no heed to it, even when it was repeated\N'46' He was settling down in luxurious warmth to that early morning sleep which so deliciously rounds off the night\(cqs repose, when two sinewy hands wrenched away the bedclothes wherein he had rolled himself, and Templeton shouted: .pop_env .push_env .sp "Get up, you slugabed\N'46' It\(cqs come!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Cover me up, confound you!" cried Eves, wrathfully\N'46' "I shall catch my death of cold\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Get up\N'46' I\(cqve been dressed half an hour\N'46' It\(cqs come, I tell you\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves bent his knees and pulled his pyjamas down over his ankles\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I don\(cqt know what you\(cqre talking about, and I don\(cqt care\N'46' Mrs\N'46' Pouncey"—he raised his voice—"come and drag this murdering ruffian away\N'46' He\(cqs giving me pneumonia\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Don\(cqt be an ass, Tom\N'46' Breakfast is nearly ready, and as the nozzle has just come by parcel post, I want to fix it and see how it works before I go off to the shop\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You and your inventions will be the death of me," grumbled Eves, hugging himself\N'46' Then with a sudden movement he caught up his pillow, slammed it at Templeton\(cqs head, followed it up with a rush, and began to throw off his pyjamas\N'46' "Get out!" he cried\N'46' "I\(cqll tub and dress in five minutes—not for you, old greaser, but for the bacon I smell frying\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, I\(cqll have time to fit on the nozzle before you\(cqre down\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He dashed out of the room, took the staircase in three resounding leaps, and ran bare-headed through the rain to the shed\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves smiled as he watched him through the window\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Old Bob\(cqs excited this morning," he thought\N'46' "Another rag, I wonder?" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton\(cqs usual stolidity was in fact quite broken down by the arrival of the nozzle made to his own design, for which he had been waiting in order to complete his reconstruction of the ancient road-sweeper\N'46' At breakfast he was too much excited to do full justice to the dish of bacon and eggs which the excellent Mrs\N'46' Pouncey had provided\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "It\(cqs just the thing, Tom," he cried\N'46' "It fits perfectly, and I believe the old \(cqbus will go like one o\(cqclock\N'46' The only thing left, if it does work, is to complete my specification and fire it in at the Patent Office\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I don\(cqt see that\N'46' Nobody wants a road-sweeper to go like a Rolls-Royce\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You don\(cqt understand\N'46' I\(cqm not out for making road-sweepers\N'46' I only bought the old thing to experiment on\N'46' It\(cqs the reversible steering I\(cqm going to patent\N'46' Look here; here\(cqs my rough draft\N'46' That\(cqll give you an idea of what I\(cqm driving at\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves took the paper handed to him, and read aloud: .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 "\(cqI, Robert Templeton, of the Red House, Wonston, Hampshire, in the Kingdom of England, lately a lieutenant in His Majesty\(cqs Forces, do hereby declare the nature of this invention and in what manner the same is to be performed to be particularly described and ascertained in and by the following——\(cq .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 Oh, I say! I can\(cqt wade through all this balderdash\N'46' Tell me in plain English what you\(cqre after\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, in plain English, then, my motor is provided with two sets of steering-gear, and the clutch couplings are so arranged that I can engage one and disengage the other simply by shifting round on the seat, on the pivot of which a cam is keyed——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "For goodness\(cq sake, Bob, spare me the rest, if that\(cqs plain English\N'46' D\(cqyou mean that you can drive your \(cqbus forward or backward as you please?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You can put it like that if you like, only, of course, the \(cqbus is always going forward, because when you shift round on the seat——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Exactly\N'46' Not a word more\N'46' Why couldn\(cqt you say that in a sentence instead of meandering through page after page? Why, hang it all, this will make a book before you\(cqve done with it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "It does seem a little long-winded," Templeton admitted, seriously, "but you\(cqve no idea how particular the Patent Office people are\N'46' You have to be correct in the smallest detail, and draw diagrams showing everything\N'46' There\(cqs a lot of work to be done on this draft yet before it\(cqs ready\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, let\(cqs go and see how it works in practice\N'46' I\(cqd die happy if I thought one of your old inventions was really going to make your fortune\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm afraid there isn\(cqt time now\N'46' I must hurry off to the shop\N'46' But we\(cqll try it to-night when I get back\N'46' It\(cqs a pity old Wilkins insisted on my working out my week\(cqs notice; I\(cqd have liked to devote all my time to it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Can\(cqt you forfeit your screw or something?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I offered to, but Wilkins wouldn\(cqt hear of it, and as I hate bothers, and my leaving without notice would certainly put him in a hole, I\(cqll stick it till Saturday\N'46' Are you coming with me to the shop?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqll walk with you so far; then I\(cqll go on to the town and inquire tenderly after Noakes\N'46' We\(cqll meet at the \(cqThree Tuns\(cq for lunch\N'46' Mrs\N'46' Pouncey will be glad of a day off\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Encased in macintoshes, they trudged up the muddy lane\N'46' At the corner they met a farmer driving his cart westward\N'46' He nodded to Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "You\(cqve gotten she at last, zur," he said, with a smile\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Yes; all right now, Mr\N'46' West\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ay\N'46' I knowed she\(cqd come, gie un time\N'46' Gie un time, I said, and she\(cqll come\N'46' Well, marnen to \(cqee, zur\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Who\(cqs your she, Bob?" asked Eves as they went on\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, he means the nozzle\N'46' They\(cqre fond of the feminine about here\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But how on earth does he know anything about the nozzle? It came by post, you said?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Yes\N'46' I suppose the postman told him\N'46' You\(cqre not used to country ways\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "But how did the postman know what was in the parcel? They don\(cqt open things, I suppose?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Of course not\N'46' I dare say I mentioned to the postman one day what I was expecting, and they gossip about anything and everything here\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What a place! Look here, my son, you\(cqll have one of your inventions forestalled one of these days if you don\(cqt keep your mouth shut\N'46' Then you\(cqd be sorry\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp It was not Eves\(cqs way to keep his mouth shut, and he expatiated on the evils of talkativeness all the way to the workshop, where the friends parted\N'46' The same topic was revived when they met at the "Three Tuns" for lunch\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Wilkins was unusually amiable to-day," Templeton happened to remark\N'46' "He seemed quite pleased that the nozzle is a success\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Were you juggins enough to tell him that?" asked Eves with a touch of scorn\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, what else could I do when he asked me point-blank? I didn\(cqt mention it first\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I suppose he heard of it from the postman or from Farmer West, or from any other inhabitant of this gossiping old monkey-house\N'46' Wilkins is the last man who ought to know anything about your private affairs\N'46' Upon my word, I think I\(cqd better get demobilised and take a job as your keeper\N'46' You\(cqre not fit to be trusted alone\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp After lunch Eves accompanied Templeton to the shop, and watched over him with fatherly interest through the afternoon\N'46' He was amused to see Templeton from time to time break off his work on a purely mechanical job, hurry to his coat hanging on a peg, extract the specification from his breast-pocket, and make some trifling alteration in text or diagram\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Is that the result of what they call unconscious cerebration?" he asked\N'46' "Or can your mighty mind attend to two things at once? You\(cqre a wonder, Bobby, and I hope I shall live long enough to write you a thumping obituary notice\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *II* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 Next day, immediately after breakfast, Eves went off on his own devices, and did not see Templeton again until supper-time\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "You look rather down in the mouth\N'46' Bob," he said\N'46' "Anything wrong?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqm a bit worried," Templeton replied\N'46' "I don\(cqt think I\(cqm naturally suspicious——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Rather not! You\(cqre as innocent as a babe\N'46' Any old diddler could suck you in\N'46' But what\(cqs happened?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "This afternoon I had to go out for an hour or so to try a car\N'46' Wilkins was away, so I left the shop closed\N'46' While I was running the car I had an idea for my specification and when I got back I took it out of my coat to alter it\N'46' And I found this\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He handed Eves the paper\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well? It\(cqs the same old thing—same old rigmarole, isn\(cqt it?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That smudge of ink!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Your elbow—but, of course, it\(cqs all in pencil\N'46' You don\(cqt mean— .pop_env .push_env .sp "As you say, it\(cqs all in pencil\N'46' It hasn\(cqt been near ink, so far as I know\N'46' At any rate, that smudge wasn\(cqt there this morning\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves whistled\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Wilkins knew about your specification, of course; everybody knows everything in this Arcadia\N'46' My prophetic soul! He\(cqs been copying your draft, Bob, and being an untidy penman, left his mark behind\N'46' He must have been uncommon slippy to copy it all in an hour, though, with all these erasures and interlinings\N'46' Any one else got a key of the shop?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "No one, so far as I know\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Noakes? You remember when we caught him at the drawer? My hat! They don\(cqt stick at trifles\N'46' This is felony, or I\(cqm a Dutchman\N'46' Wilkins, or Noakes, or both of them, want to get in first at the Patent Office; they\(cqve stolen your specification\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs a serious charge\N'46' We\(cqve no proof\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "My dear chap, it\(cqs as plain as a pikestaff\N'46' But look here, what can be done? Look at the worst; say they have copied your stuff, what then?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "If they file their application at the Patent Office it will be no end of a bother and expense to prove it\(cqs mine\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqd swear that before any beak in the country\N'46' But let\(cqs keep to the point\N'46' They couldn\(cqt get to the Patent Office to-night?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "No; it closes at five; opens at ten in the morning\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What time\(cqs the last train up?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "It left twenty minutes ago," said Templeton, after a glance at his watch\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "And in the morning?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "The first train reaches London something after eleven\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Eves mused for a few seconds, drumming on the table\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I tell you what," he said at length\N'46' "You set to work and make a fair copy of this stuff, and we\(cqll go up by the first train to-morrow and see if—Hallo! here\(cqs a car\N'46' Rather late for a visit\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The panting of an automobile engine was distinctly audible\N'46' There was a rap on the outer door\N'46' Mrs\N'46' Pouncey shuffled along the passage; voices were heard; then the landlady entered\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "A gentleman to see you, sir; O\(cqReilly by name\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Our excitable Irishman," said Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ask him in, Mrs\N'46' Pouncey, please," said Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp O\(cqReilly came in like a tornado, waving his arms and wearing his capacious smile\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Sure, I\(cqm delighted to see the two of you, and me not knowing the way," he said as he shook hands\N'46' "The Government, or the colonel anyway, has taken my tender for the camp waste, and \(cqtis to you I owe it, and I\(cqll beg you to drink to the colonel, or anyway the Government; I have the champagne in my pocket ready\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He produced a bottle from the deep pocket of his waterproof coat\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Jolly good of you, Mr\N'46' O\(cqReilly," said Eves\N'46' "You\(cqve come in the nick of time\N'46' My friend Templeton wants something to cheer him up\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Do you say so? What might be the trouble, now?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Expound, Bob; your invention, I mean\N'46' I should only make a mess of it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "It was just a notion for driving a car in the opposite direction to what it has been going, the driver swinging round on his seat and automatically bringing into action steering-gear affecting the back wheels instead of the front, or vice versa\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Saves turning in a narrow lane, you see," added Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Bedad, that would be a blessing to me this dark night," said O\(cqReilly\N'46' "But what is the trouble? Funds run out? Would you show me the plans, I\(cqd find the capital—provided they\(cqll work out, of course\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Splendid!" cried Eves\N'46' "Here\(cqs the draft specification—but there\(cqs the rub; that smudge of ink\N'46' Look here, Bob, just set to work and copy your diagrams while I tell Mr\N'46' O\(cqReilly all about it, and he opens the fizz\N'46' We\(cqve no wine-glasses, only tumblers, but no one will mind that\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp O\(cqReilly\(cqs face grew grave as he listened to the story told by Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs bad," he said\N'46' "I stopped at the station a while ago to get a London evening paper, and I saw that mayor of yours, Noakes, step into the London train\N'46' There was another fellow with him, seeing him off\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "What sort of man?" asked Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "A thick ruffian of a fellow in a long coat and a motor cap\N'46' I can\(cqt tell you which of them I dislike the most, by the faces of \(cqem, I mean—him or Noakes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That was Wilkins\N'46' There\(cqs no doubt I was right, Bob; Noakes has slunk off to London to get in first; and that was the last train!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Drink, my boys," said O\(cqReilly, who had meanwhile opened his bottle\N'46' "Health to ourselves, and confusion to Noakes\N'46' We\(cqll get the top-side of him yet\N'46' There\(cqs one way to do it\N'46' \(cqTis nine o\(cqclock, and we are a hundred and sixty miles from London—that and a bit over\N'46' I\(cqll drive you up in my car\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Magnificent," cried Eves\N'46' "How long will your diagrams take, Bob?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Under an hour; but there\(cqs the specification to copy out\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqll do that\N'46' Hand over\N'46' We\(cqll be ready in an hour, Mr\N'46' O\(cqReilly\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Then I\(cqll run back to the town and fill up my tank and see to my tyres and lamps," said O\(cqReilly\N'46' "Be you ready when I call for you, and with luck and no punctures we\(cqll be in London by six o\(cqclock\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He gulped a glass of champagne and hurried from the room\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp The two lads went on steadily with their tasks\N'46' Templeton was finished first, and going to his desk scrawled a hasty note, which he placed in an envelope, and was addressing when Eves sprang up\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs done," he said, flinging down his pen\N'46' "What are you writing to Wilkins for?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Just to tell him I shan\(cqt be at the shop till Thursday\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I wouldn\(cqt tell the brute anything\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, you see, there\(cqs nothing proved yet, and——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And Noakes, I suppose, has gone up to town to leave his card on the King! Bob, you\(cqre an ass\N'46' But drink up your fizz; it\(cqs pretty flat\N'46' I hear the car\N'46' It\(cqll be a pretty cold ride; rather sport, though\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I hope we shan\(cqt have a spill\N'46' O\(cqReilly\(cqs a bit wild, you know\N'46' I wish we hadn\(cqt drunk that champagne\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Oh, you\(cqre hopeless\N'46' Get on your coat, and don\(cqt worry\N'46' It\(cqll be a splendid rag\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Ten minutes sufficed for their donning their thickest outer garments and soothing the agitation into which the announcement of their journey threw Mrs\N'46' Pouncey\N'46' Then they started\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp It is to be feared that Eves\(cqs expectation of a "splendid rag" was somewhat disappointed\N'46' There was a certain excitement in the first hour\(cqs run over the quiet country roads, when the car, behind its glaring headlights, seemed to be continually dashing itself against a wall of impenetrable blackness\N'46' But it soon became monotonous\N'46' The air was cold and damp, and in spite of their thick clothes and the windscreen the two passengers soon became unpleasantly chilled\N'46' O\(cqReilly, a business man as well as an Irishman, had a proper respect for his car, and drove carefully through the towns\N'46' His enthusiasm for the Government was considerably damped when first at Bournemouth and then at Southampton he found all the hotels closed, and failed to obtain anything in the way of liquid refreshment stronger than spade coffee\N'46' These were the moments when Templeton felt most comfortable, and he confided to Eves his belief that after all they would arrive safely at their journey\(cqs end\N'46' By the time they reached Winchester the feet of both were tingling with cold; at Guildford even Eves had become morose; and it was not until they narrowly escaped a collision with an Army lorry as they swung round to cross Vauxhall Bridge that Eves felt the only thrill their journey provided\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp It was nearly half-past six when O\(cqReilly drew up at the door of his rooms in a quiet Westminster street\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "You\(cqll be cold, sure," he said\N'46' "I\(cqll let you in and show you the bath-room; there\(cqll be hot water\N'46' I\(cqll garage the car, and by the time you\(cqre dry I\(cqll be back\N'46' I don\(cqt dare wake my housekeeper\N'46' The last trump wouldn\(cqt get her out of bed before half-past seven\N'46' But her heart is never cold, and at half-past eight she\(cqll give us a breakfast fit for the three kings of Carrickmagree\N'46' Not but what we\(cqll forage out something before then\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Bathed, warmed, and fed, the three boarded a motor-bus soon after nine o\(cqclock, and were set down at the end of Chancery Lane\N'46' As they walked up the street Eves suddenly pulled them into a shop doorway\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "There\(cqs old Noakes about ten yards ahead," he said\N'46' "The Patent Office doesn\(cqt open till ten, I think you said, Bob?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs so\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Then he\(cqs about forty minutes to wait\N'46' Surely he won\(cqt hang about the door\N'46' Let us follow him carefully\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp They had taken only a few steps when they saw Noakes, swinging a fat umbrella, enter a typewriting agency\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "He\(cqs going to have your specification copied," said Eves\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Sure, we\(cqll be safe till ten," said O\(cqReilly with a chuckle\N'46' "The girls will keep the likes of him waiting\N'46' Now do you come with me to a patent agent, one of my friends\N'46' He\(cqll put us up to the way of getting over Noakes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The agent\(cqs office was but a few yards up the street\N'46' The agent himself had not yet arrived; his typist-secretary explained that he was not expected until ten, and might be later\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, then, you\(cqll be after doing us a kindness\N'46' My friend here has a specification which Mr\N'46' Jones is going to file for me, and he\(cqll need it copied in duplicate at once\N'46' Indeed, he\(cqll be mighty pleased to find it ready for him; he\(cqs been longing to get his hand on it these many weeks, and you will not disappoint him, will you now?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I won\(cqt disappoint you, Mr\N'46' O\(cqReilly," said the girl, with a smile\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp She sat down at her machine, rattled away on the keys, and in twenty minutes handed to O\(cqReilly two clean copies of the specification\N'46' Her employer arrived on the stroke of ten\N'46' A few words from O\(cqReilly apprised him of the urgency of the matter, and he at once accompanied the three to the Patent Office and filed the formal application\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp They left the office in couples, O\(cqReilly going ahead with his friend\N'46' The other two noticed that O\(cqReilly edged away to one side quickly, leaving a gap through which came hurriedly a shambling figure in a wideawake and a long brown ulster, in one hand a large envelope, in the other his huge umbrella\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Our worthy mayor," whispered Eves, giving Templeton a nudge\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Apparently Noakes had not recognised O\(cqReilly, but his eyes widened and his chin dropped as he came face to face with Eves and Templeton\N'46' The shock of amazement caused him to halt with a jerk, bringing him into sharp collision with an errand boy hurrying along behind him, a basket of fish upon his arm\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Here, old \(cqun, mind my toes," said the lad, not ill-temperedly, at the same time sticking out his elbow to ward off Noakes\(cqs obstructing bulk\N'46' His action was as a spark to powder\N'46' With the impulse of an angry, ill-conditioned man to vent his wrath on the nearest object, Noakes swung round and brought his umbrella heavily down upon the lad\(cqs shoulders\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I\(cqll learn you!" he cried, truculently\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp The response was unexpected\N'46' Snatching up a prime cod by the tail, the lad dashed its head full in Noakes\(cqs face\N'46' Noakes winced at the cold, slimy contact, staggered, then lurched forward, raising his umbrella once more to strike\N'46' The lad was too quick for him\N'46' Dropping his basket, he wrenched the umbrella away, flung it into the gutter, and, squaring his shoulders, commenced that curious piston-like movement of the two arms which is the street boy\(cqs preliminary to a sparring bout\N'46' Suddenly his right fist shot out, and planted a blow in the man\(cqs midriff\N'46' A crowd quickly assembled\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .push_env .push_env .sp [Illustration: "THE LAD DASHED ITS HEAD FULL IN NOAKES\(cqS FACE\N'46'"] .pop_env .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .sp "I say, d\(cqyou know that the gentleman you are assaulting is the Mayor of Pudlington?" said Eves, stepping up to the errand boy\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Don\(cqt care who he is\N'46' He ain\(cqt going to hit me for nothing, not if he\(cqs the Lord Mayor\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp But the sight of a burly policeman approaching from the corner of the street brought discretion\N'46' He picked up his basket and ran off, turning to give Noakes a parting salute with his thumb to his nose\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 3 .ad c *III* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 O\(cqReilly treated the two lads to what Eves described as a topping lunch, and afterwards spent half an hour in a close examination of the specification\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I like the looks of it," he said, finally\N'46' "Have you given it a trial?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Not yet," replied Templeton\N'46' "I\(cqve rigged up the mechanism, rather roughly, on an old road-sweeper I got cheap, and a little more tinkering should put it in working order\N'46' I might be able to try it on Saturday afternoon when I\(cqm clear of the shop\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, then, I\(cqm the way of making you an offer\N'46' I\(cqll run down on Saturday and watch your trial\N'46' If the creature works, I\(cqll pay for the installation on a respectable car, and finance you up to a thousand pounds\N'46' You\(cqll pay me six per cent\N'46' interest and repay the capital just when you can\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "It\(cqs really too good of you, Mr\N'46' O\(cqReilly," said Templeton\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Sorra a bit, my boy\N'46' I\(cqm doing you no favour; \(cqtis business, and there\(cqs no denying it\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Splendid!" said Eves\N'46' "You\(cqve got your chance at last, Bob\N'46' Remember me, old man, when the profits come rolling in\N'46' I\(cqve stood by you in many old rags\N'46' I tell you what, I\(cqll write your advertisements, and make your reversible steering as famous as Beecham\(cqs pills\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I wouldn\(cqt wonder but you\(cqve got a flowery style, Mr\N'46' Eves," said O\(cqReilly\N'46' "Now, if so be you mean to catch your train, you\(cqd better be off\N'46' I\(cqll see you on Saturday\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp They took a taxi and arrived at the station in good time\N'46' After securing seats, Eves walked the length of the train to see whether Noakes was their fellow-passenger\N'46' There was no sign of him\N'46' Eves kept an eye on the platform from the window of his compartment until the train moved off, but Noakes had not appeared\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "He\(cqll go on the razzle, I suppose," he remarked, as he dropped into the corner opposite Templeton\N'46' "But he can\(cqt keep it up long\N'46' Isn\(cqt Saturday the day for that old ceremony—what do they call it?—anointing the British Stone? I\(cqd made up my mind to see that; it will be a bit of a rag to finish up my holiday with\N'46' I suppose you\(cqll be too much occupied with your road-sweeper to bother about it?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Well, you see, the afternoons are short now, and as O\(cqReilly is coming down specially——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Just so\N'46' Business before pleasure\N'46' I foresee the end of our old friendship\N'46' \(cqBut O the heavy change now thou art gone!\(cq Milton, old chap\N'46' That\(cqs what I shall say when I think of the spiffing rags we\(cqve had together, and mourn for the days that are no more\N'46' Hand over that Punch, or I shall burst into tears\N'46' Perhaps I shall anyhow\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Next morning, when Templeton arrived at the shop, he found Wilkins standing at the door, an image of truculence\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "You didn\(cqt turn up yesterday," he cried\N'46' "What was you after, eh?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "As I explained in my note, I had to make a sudden journey to London\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I don\(cqt want none of your explanations\N'46' You had ought to ask my permission, going gallivanting sudden like that\N'46' I won\(cqt have no more of it\N'46' You\(cqre sacked; you understand that? Sacked without notice\N'46' Here\(cqs half a week\(cqs wages; you shan\(cqt have nothing against me\N'46' Hook it! Now! This very minute!" .pop_env .push_env .sp "With the greatest pleasure in life," said Templeton, coolly\N'46' "Good morning\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp He was not aware, until informed by the omniscient postman, that Wilkins had received on the previous morning a telegram from Noakes, the cryptic wording of which had already been thoroughly discussed in the neighbourhood: "Boy in first sack immediate\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Delighted at the leisure afforded by his dismissal, Templeton returned to his lodging, and spent the remainder of that day and the whole of the next in working at the road-sweeper\N'46' Eves watched him for an hour or two, but finding his friend\(cqs patient labour too slow for his taste, he went through the town to the scene of Saturday\(cqs ceremony, and amused himself by looking on at the preparations, and chatting with any one who would listen to him\N'46' The British Stone was a sort of truncated monolith standing in a meadow about a couple of acres in extent\N'46' A small square enclosure had been roped off around it, and within stood a low wooden platform from which the mayor, after breaking a bottle of cider on the stone, would deliver the annual oration in honour of the town and its ancient worthies\N'46' Against the hedge, on all four sides of the meadow, were ranged caravans, roundabouts, Aunt Sallies, raree-shows, and all the paraphernalia of a country fair, with stalls for the sale of hot drinks and such comestibles as the Food Regulations had not debarred\N'46' The continuous wet weather and the passage of many vehicles had made the entrance to the field a slough, and many of the showmen wore gloomy faces at the expectation that fewer spectators than usual would attend the ceremony\N'46' They asked quite reasonably whether the women folk, their best customers, would brave the risk of sinking ankle-deep in mud\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Saturday morning came\N'46' A thin drizzle was falling; the sky was gloomy, and Mrs\N'46' Pouncey foretold that it was to be a "mizzly day\N'46'" Templeton, however, was so anxious to prove the merits of his invention to O\(cqReilly in the afternoon, that immediately after breakfast, nothing daunted by the weather, he suggested that Eves should accompany him on a trial spin\N'46' They ran the road-sweeper up the muddy lane to the high road, Eves remarking that there was great scope for the activities for which the machine was designed\N'46' The macadamised surface of the highway was less miry, and Templeton assured his friend that he would not get very much splashed if the speed of the sweeper was kept low\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton occupied the driver\(cqs seat; Eves stood on a rail above the fixed brushes behind, holding on to the framework\N'46' The machine ran steadily up the road, but when Templeton slowed down and turned upon the pivot which was to bring into action the steering-gear at the rear, the vehicle, instead of moving straight hi the opposite direction, showed a tendency to sheer off to one side\N'46' Moreover, it turned out that the gear which raised the brushes clear of the road was out of order\N'46' Every now and then the brushes dropped, and the machine reverted to its original use\N'46' At these times Eves\(cqs boots and puttees received a generous bespattering of mud and water, and when the brushes began to "race," sending a spray of mud not merely across the road, but into his face, he protested loudly\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Why didn\(cqt you wait till you could rig cranks, or whatever they are, on a decent car instead of this ramshackle old piece of antiquity?" he grumbled\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Sorry, old man," said Templeton; "I\(cqll go a bit slower\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Besides," Eves went on, "your reversible arrangements don\(cqt act\N'46' You can\(cqt steer the thing straight\N'46' It goes like a crab, or a drunk\N'46' Swing round again, for goodness\(cq sake\N'46' Here\(cqs a wagon coming; I don\(cqt want to be chucked under the wheels\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "All right," said Templeton, with composure, turning round\N'46' "It\(cqs only a slight hitch\N'46' Of course, the clutch connection is roughly made; I did the best I could with my materials; but you see the idea\(cqs all right, and it\(cqll be easy enough to correct the defects\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "You won\(cqt think of showing the thing to O\(cqReilly in its present state?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Why not? He\(cqs a practical man\N'46'" Templeton began to get a little warm\N'46' "It\(cqs chaps like you who know nothing about machinery that lose heart at a trifling setback\N'46' And very likely another half-hour\(cqs work in the shed will greatly improve things\N'46' This is a trial spin; you can\(cqt expect everything to go like clockwork first go off\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Jolly good speech, old man\N'46' Best I\(cqve heard of yours\N'46' My faith in you is restored\N'46' By all means run the thing back to the shed; but, if you don\(cqt mind, I\(cqll dismount when we come to the lane\N'46' I don\(cqt mind a shower-bath from above, but from below—no, thank you\N'46' I\(cqve swallowed enough mud in Flanders\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton spent the rest of the morning in overhauling his mechanism, and Eves in removing the worst of the mud splotches from his clothes\N'46' They had just finished lunch, when O\(cqReilly drove up in a growler hired at the station\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Faith, \(cqtis a terrible day for wetness," he said\N'46' "But here I am, and I\(cqll be glad now to take a look at your machine\N'46' Have you it in working order?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "We gave it a short trial this morning," said Templeton\N'46' "It didn\(cqt behave quite so well as I had hoped, but I\(cqve spent a couple of hours on it since, and it ought to go better now\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I like your modesty, my boy\N'46' \(cqTis a rare thing in inventors\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "He\(cqs far too modest," said Eves\N'46' "That\(cqs why I\(cqve appointed myself his advertising agent\N'46' It\(cqs an old road-sweeper, remember; he\(cqs been working under difficulties\N'46' In my opinion—of course, I\(cqm not an expert—the thing\(cqs a great success; you should see the amount of mud it scooped up\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "I saw a mighty deal of mud as I came down the lane\N'46' You will not try it here, sure?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "We tried it along the road," said Templeton\N'46' "And I\(cqve been thinking of a better place\N'46' On the other side of the town the road is tarred, and the machine will run much more smoothly\N'46' Besides, there\(cqs very little mud\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "A bright idea," said Eves\N'46' "I propose that you drive the machine over the muddy roads while Mr\N'46' O\(cqReilly and I follow in the growler\N'46' We\(cqll get out when we come to the tarred highway, and I\(cqll perch up where I was before, and try to keep those brushes in order\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The suggestion was accepted\N'46' O\(cqReilly looked on critically as Templeton drove the sweeper slowly up the lane; then he stepped into the cab and told the driver to follow at a reasonable distance\N'46' Eves joined him\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp As they proceeded along the road they passed at intervals small groups of farmers and labourers with their wives and children, who, defying the weather, had donned their Sunday best for the civic ceremony\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Is it the likes of a wake, then?" O\(cqReilly asked\N'46' "Or a horse-race, maybe?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Only a country beano," replied Eves, and told what he knew of the afternoon\(cqs proceedings\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs disappointing, now\N'46' I\(cqd have liked to see a good race, but I\(cqve no wish in the world to hear Noakes make a speech\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Arriving at the tarred highway the two alighted from the cab\N'46' Eves took up his post above the brushes as before, and O\(cqReilly, eager to watch the working of Templeton\(cqs apparatus at close quarters, chose a somewhat precarious position on the opposite side of the framework\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Now, Tom," said Templeton, his manner betraying a little nervousness, "if you see the gear dropping, just raise it\N'46' There\(cqs very little mud, but there are pools here and there, and I don\(cqt want to splash you\N'46' I propose to run straight ahead for a few minutes till I get up a fair speed, for I fancy the mechanism will work better then\N'46' Are you ready?" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Righto\N'46' The road\(cqs clear\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton started his engine\N'46' The machine moved forward, at first slowly, but gradually gathering way\N'46' Eves kept a watchful eye on the brushes, and when they showed no sign of dropping he remarked to O\(cqReilly, "I think old Bob\(cqs done the trick this time\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Maybe," replied O\(cqReilly, in an undertone, "but this reversing gear, now\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The speed continually increased until it reached a rate of about fifteen miles an hour\N'46' There was no traffic on the road, and Templeton was on the point of slowing down, preparatory to stopping and turning, when, rounding a slight bend, he came to a cross-road just as the head of the civic procession arrived at the corner\N'46' The town sergeant, bearing the mace, led the way; behind him came Noakes, in his mayoral robes, followed immediately by the councillors, the senior of whom carried a magnum bottle of cider\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp Templeton caught sight of the procession just in time to avoid a collision\N'46' Forgetting in the excitement of the moment the necessity of slowing down before bringing the reverse into action, he swung round on the pivot\N'46' The effect was amazing\N'46' The machine, instead of running in the opposite direction, plunged forward with zigzag rushes, charging into the procession\N'46' Templeton lost his head, forgot his brakes, and made frantic efforts to stop the engine, but something had stuck\N'46' Eves, between alarm and amusement at the stampede of the civic dignitaries, forgot to keep his eye on the brushes, which had dropped owing to the change of gear, and now began to race\N'46' Unlike the highway, the cross-road was deep in mud, and as the machine ran from side to side, dashing first into one hedge, then the other, the brushes flung up mud in all directions\N'46' Eves and O\(cqReilly were splashed from head to foot, but the full effect of this outrageous behaviour of the road-sweeper was felt by Noakes and the councillors immediately behind him\N'46' They had sought safety by backing into the hedge opposite to that at which the machine appeared to be charging as it approached them\N'46' Unhappily for them, it suddenly altered its direction, passed within a few inches of their shrinking forms, and covered them with a deluge of liquid mud\N'46' There was a crash as the bottle of cider fell and splintered into fragments, and loud cries of alarm and objurgation from the bespattered victims\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .push_env .push_env .sp [Illustration: "COVERED THEM WITH A DELUGE OF LIQUID MUD\N'46'"] .pop_env .pop_env .pop_env .push_env .sp The incident occupied barely half a minute\N'46' Templeton recovered himself, stopped his engine, rammed on his brakes, and, least bemired of all the actors, got down to make his apologies\N'46' Eves and O\(cqReilly by this time were shaking with laughter\N'46' Noakes, seeing that the machine had come to a stop, approached the contrite driver with uplifted fist, too irate even to speak\N'46' He had tried to rub the splashes of mud from his cheeks, with the result that he had only spread them\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "I am really very sorry, Mr\N'46' Noakes," said Templeton\N'46' "I was trying a new invention, and I can\(cqt say how much I regret——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Od rabbit you and your inventions," roared Noakes\N'46' "You did it o\(cq purpose, you viper\N'46' I\(cqll have you up, I will, for creating a nuisance——" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Driving to the danger of the public, be jowned to \(cqem," put in a councillor who had suffered scarcely less than the mayor\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "Ay, the danger of the public and bodily injury to the mayor," cried Noakes\N'46' "No option of a fine, neither; you\(cqll go to jail, sure as my name be Philemon Noakes\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "Come, come, now," said O\(cqReilly, thinking it time to intervene\N'46' "Sure, any one could see it was nothing but an accident that might have happened to the Lord Mayor of Dublin himself\N'46' You gentlemen have got splashed; faith, so have I\N'46' Look at me! The right way to look at it is that we\(cqre all suffering in a good cause—martyrs of science, and I wouldn\(cqt say but we\(cqve got off lightly\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "There\(cqs summat in that, Neighbour Noakes," said a councillor who, being at the rear of the procession, had not come within range of the rotating brushes\N'46' "Ay, what I say is, these young fellers what have served their country want to be encouraged, and if so be a little mud flies—why, there \(cqtis; it will brush off, and \(cqtis all one\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "There\(cqll be no \(cqnointing to-day, that\(cqs certain," said another\N'46' "Seems to me we\(cqd best all go home along before they get wind of it in the meadow up yonder\N'46' None of us wants a crowd ramping round and admiring of our muddy faces\N'46' The old stone won\(cqt hurt for want of its drop o\(cq liquor for once\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "That\(cqs true," added a third\N'46' "And as for speeches—well, speaking as man to man, speeches are a weariness of the flesh to me\N'46' Let\(cqs go home along, neighbours, and drink a drop o\(cq something hot, with our toes on the fire\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The suggestion won favour with the majority, and Noakes, irritably conscious of his unseemly appearance, allowed himself to be escorted towards the town\N'46' A few of the more curious waited to see what further antics the road-sweeper performed\N'46' But they were disappointed\N'46' A brief examination of the mechanism revealed to Templeton the cause of his failure\N'46' He made certain adjustments which enabled him to drive the machine home at a moderate pace, and without further experiments with the reversible steering\N'46' Eves and O\(cqReilly followed, prudently, in the cab\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp "My hat, what a rag!" said Eves to his companion on the way\N'46' "But I\(cqm afraid old Bob has come a cropper, poor old boy! It\(cqs not the first time; but I\(cqll say this for him, he always comes up smiling\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp "And he\(cqll smile to a good tune if I don\(cqt be mistaken," said O\(cqReilly\N'46' "He\(cqs got hold of a good idea, and with the help of an engineer friend of mine he\(cqll make something of it\N'46' I\(cqll see to that\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .sp The next week\(cqs local paper contained a copious but by no means a wholly accurate account of the incident\N'46' The deplorable appearance of the mayor was described, however, with excessive particularity\N'46' Unkindest cut of all, the editor pointed the moral: .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 "We have already more than once drawn the attention of the mayor and corporation to the disgracefully muddy state of our roads in winter-time\N'46' Now that our civic worthies have suffered in their own persons, and the town has been deprived for the first time in a hundred and forty years of its ancient and time-honoured ceremony, perhaps something will be done, or are we to wait until the present mayor\(cqs tenure of office has expired?" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 A few months later Eves received from Templeton a long letter which gave him a good deal of pleasure\N'46' Templeton related that his invention, tested under more favourable conditions, had more than fulfilled his hopes\N'46' O\(cqReilly was enthusiastic about it, and had arranged to set up a small factory for him\N'46' But almost as agreeable was the news about the Mayor of Pudlington: .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 "Noakes was never popular," Templeton wrote, "and the sorry figure he cut in certain episodes we know of brought him into ridicule, which is always fatal\N'46' It began to be whispered, too, that there was something shady in his transactions over contracts and canteens, and what not\N'46' Anyhow, one fine day he disappeared, and I hear that there are warrants out against him\N'46' I\(cqm not vindictive, but I can\(cqt say I shall be sorry if he is caught\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 "Just like old Bob," said Eves to himself\N'46' He sat down to dash off a reply: .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 "I\(cqm jolly glad, old man\N'46' \(cqThere is a tide,\(cq etc\N'46' (Shakespeare)\N'46' I always said you\(cqd make your fortune, though I must own I never thought it would be through a mad road-sweeper\N'46' I\(cqm going to be demobbed after all, so I\(cqll take on your advertising stunt as soon as you like\N'46' As to Noakes, I don\(cqt care whether he\(cqs caught or not\N'46' He was always a glorious rag, and I rather fancy he more or less inspired some of your bright ideas\N'46'" .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 4 .ad c THE END .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 4 .ad c _Printed by_ .br MORRISON & GIBB LIMITED .br _Edinburgh_ .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 4 .ad c *\ \ \ \ \ \ *\ \ \ \ \ \ *\ \ \ \ \ \ *\ \ \ \ \ \ *\ \ \ \ \ \ *\ \ \ \ \ \ *\ \ \ \ \ \ * .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 4 .ad c *HERBERT STRANG* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 .ad c *COMPLETE LIST OF STORIES* .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .sp ADVENTURES OF DICK TREVANION, THE .br ADVENTURES OF HARRY ROCHESTER, THE .br A GENTLEMAN AT ARMS .br A HERO OF LIÉGE .br AIR PATROL, THE .br AIR SCOUT, THE .br BARCLAY OF THE GUIDES .br BLUE RAIDER, THE .br BOYS OF THE LIGHT BRIGADE .br BRIGHT IDEAS .br BROWN OF MOUKDEN .br BURTON OF THE FLYING CORPS .br CARRY ON .br CRUISE OF THE GYRO-CAR, THE .br FIGHTING WITH FRENCH .br FLYING BOAT, THE .br FRANK FORESTER .br HUMPHREY BOLD .br JACK HARDY .br KING OF THE AIR .br KOBO .br LONG TRAIL, THE .br LORD OF THE SEAS .br MOTOR SCOUT, THE .br OLD MAN OF THE MOUNTAIN, THE .br ONE OF CLIVE\(cqS HEROES .br PALM TREE ISLAND .br ROB THE RANGER .br ROUND THE WORLD IN SEVEN DAYS .br SAMBA .br SETTLERS AND SCOUTS .br SULTAN JIM .br SWIFT AND SURE .br THROUGH THE ENEMY\(cqS LINES .br TOM BURNABY .br TOM WILLOUGHBY\(cqS SCOUTS .br WITH DRAKE ON THE SPANISH MAIN .br WITH HAIG ON THE SOMME .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .\"-*- encoding: utf-8 -*- .push_env .pop_env .push_env .push_env .sp 6 *** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BRIGHT IDEAS *** .pop_env .push_env .pop_env .push_env .push_env .sp 4 A Word from Project Gutenberg .pop_env .push_env .sp 2 We will update this book if we find any errors\N'46' .pop_env .push_env .sp This book can be found under: https://www\N'46'gutenberg\N'46'org/ebooks/43234 .pop_env .push_env .sp Creating the works from print editions not protected by U\N'46'S\N'46' copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties\N'46' Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ 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