The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Twins, and How They Entertained the New Minister: A Farce This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook. Title: The Twins, and How They Entertained the New Minister: A Farce Author: Elizabeth F. Guptill Release date: July 19, 2017 [eBook #55154] Most recently updated: October 23, 2024 Language: English Credits: E-text prepared by Emmy, MFR, Carol Brown, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) from page images generously made available by Internet Archive (https://archive.org) *** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TWINS, AND HOW THEY ENTERTAINED THE NEW MINISTER: A FARCE *** Note: Images of the original pages are available through Internet Archive. See https://archive.org/details/twinshowtheyente00gupt Transcriber’s note: Words and phrases in italics are surrounded by underscores, _like this_. THE TWINS and How They Entertained the New Minister A Farce by ELIZABETH F. GUPTILL Price 10 Cents Tullar-Meredith Co. New York Chicago THE TWINS and How They Entertained the New Minister A Farce by ELIZABETH F. GUPTILL Price 10 Cents All Rights Reserved, Amateur Performance Permitted [Illustration: Published By Tullar-Meredith Co.] 265 West 36th Street, New York 14 W. Washington Street, Chicago Copyright 1914, By Tullar-Meredith Co. International Copyright Secured The Twins and How They Entertained the New Minister Characters Bobby and Betty, the twins. Rev. J. Jones, the minister. Scene A reception room. Enter Betty and the minister. BETTY. (With a grown-up air.) There! Sit right down, and I’ll see if Mamma’s in. No, not that one, that’s only for show. The leg’s broken, and it aint got fixed yet. Take the Morris chair. That’s the one sister’s beaux always sit in. There, now you’re all comfy. I’ll tell Mamma you’re here, if she’s in. REV. J. JONES. Tell her that I am making pastoral calls. I am— BETTY. Yes, I know who you are. “I’m the new minister,” you was a going to say, wasn’t you? BOBBY. (Entering.) ’Twas my turn to answer the doorbell, Betty Forrest. ’Taint fair! You just camp out in the hall to get ahead of me! You got the book agent, and the Mission Lady, and now you’ve got the minister. Course you’ll beat! REV. J. J. Beat? BETTY. You can tell him, Bobby, while I go ask Mamma if she’s in. Sometimes she’s in when she isn’t, and sometimes she isn’t when she is, and the only way to be sure you won’t get a whipping for telling it the wrong way, is to go ask her. She’s in her room, I know, but maybe she isn’t in. You tell him ’bout the new game, Bobby. (She runs out.) BOBBY. It’s what we call the Caller’s game. Betty made it up. Betty’s awful smart to think of new things. You see, Thursday afternoon is Christine’s day out. Say, aint it funny to call an afternoon a day? And Mamma don’t like to answer the bell herself, ’cause then she couldn’t be out if she didn’t want to see the one that rung it, so she made me and Betty do it, ’n course we hated to be bothered—you know callers are such a nuisance when you’re busy playing, and Betty shirked and made me do it most all. So Daddy said if she didn’t do her share, he’d bring home candy, and give it all to me, ’n then Betty she made up this game. We’ve each got a little book, and we put down which caller we answer the bell to and get a piece of candy for each caller, and if there’s more candy than there is callers, we get two pieces for each one, and now Betty likes to answer it, and she gets the most candy every time. BETTY. (Returning.) That’s ’cause I’m smartest, Daddy says. He says, “Trust a woman to get the best of a man every time, be they ever so young.” REV. J. J. And what did Mamma say? BETTY. She said, “Mercy me! The minister? I suppose I shall have to go down, or your Father won’t like it.” What are ministers made for? REV. J. J. I think I must go. Tell your mother I was sorry not to meet her. BETTY. But you got to see her. She’ll be down soon as she puts on her hair and squeezes her feet into her new tango slippers. BOBBY. Pa says it’s foolish to try to put a number two shoe on a number four foot. REV. J. J. (Rising.) I think I must go now. BETTY. If you do, she’ll spank me good, for letting you, after she said she was in. She told me to entertain you nicely till she came down. BOBBY. I’ll entertain him. Men like men. Do you play poker? REV. J. J. Why no, do you? BOBBY. No, I aint learned how yet, but I thought you might teach me. This cunning little table is a card table, and the cards are in this little drawer. (Takes them out.) And these pretty round things are the chips. BETTY. They look more like Tiddledy Winks. They use ’em ’stead of money, ’cause Mamma won’t let ’em play for money. That’s gambling. BOBBY. They pay the money down town, next day. I know, ’cause I was with Daddy when he did, and he gave me a quarter not to tell Mamma. ’Sides, Mamma plays Bridge and that’s just as bad, Daddy says. REV. J. J. Would they like you to tell me this? BETTY. P’raps not, but you won’t tell, will you? It’s right to tell the minister bad things, ’cause he’ll forgive you if you pay him something, and you can do it over again. That’s the way Christine does. She’s a Catholic. Are you? REV. J. J. No indeed, my dear. BOBBY. (Who has gone out, re-enters with a bottle and glass.) Have some wine? Daddy always entertains this way. It’s a fine flavor. I drank a bit from the bottom of a glass once, and ’twas awful good, but Mamma was mad about it. REV. J. J. Put it back, my boy. I never drink. Ministers never do. BETTY. My, how thirsty you must get! What do you do when you’ve been eating salt fish? REV. J. J. I don’t care for salt fish. BOBBY. Neither do we, but we eat a lot of it when we’re saving up for a party. BETTY. Can you dance the tango? REV. J. J. No, I don’t dance. BETTY. That’s too bad. Let me show you how. It’s just as easy! Come on. (Tries to drag him up.) REV. J. J. No, I don’t care to dance. BETTY. I won’t call you awkward, really. You do it so, you know, (illustrates) but dancing’s no fun alone, you know. You need a girl to hug. If you learn with me you can do it with the big lady girls, the ones that you like best, you know. BOBBY. He don’t dance with ’em, he plays tag. REV. J. J. Oh no, my boy. BOBBY. Mamma said so. Daddy said that all the girls were chasing you, and Mamma said she guessed that you could do your share of the chasing, all right. BETTY. I know what you like—fast horses, don’t you? REV. J. J. Well, I have a horse, of course— BETTY. Yes, a real spanker! And a narrow buggy to take the girls to ride. Say, do you hold ’em in, when you go over the “thank you marms” and take toll? Daddy said he bet you did. He always used to. He calls it taking toll when he makes me pay him for candy with kisses. I s’pose the girls would be afraid to say no to a minister, but sometimes I say no to Daddy, just to tease him, and he calls me a little flirt, and takes ’em just the same. REV. J. J. Indeed. How old are you, little girl? BETTY. I’m eight, ’n so’s Bobby. We’re twins, but I’m the smartest and the prettiest. Daddy says so. Mamma’s great for bargains, when she’s shopping, ’n when she bought me, Bobby was throwed in. She didn’t need a boy, at all, but ’twas a bargain, you know. She bought a five dollar waist yesterday for four dollars and ninety-five cents. Can you play the piano? REV. J. J. No, can you? BETTY. I can play the scale, and “Tell Aunt Rhody,” and when I’m as big as you, I shall play all the notes. You can’t do much, can you? Is that why you’re a minister? BOBBY. No, it’s ’cause it’s an easy way to earn your living. Daddy said so. Just stand up in a pulpit and scold the people when they dassn’t talk back, and have some men pass round plates to get money for you. They don’t dare not to ’cause folks is looking. Once Daddy put in a five dollar gold piece by mistake, and he sweared about it when he got home. BETTY. Yes, and last Sunday I put in my chewing gum by mistake and he spanked me ’cause I sweared about it when I got home. He said “Darn!” was naughty for a girl to say. Why is it? REV. J. J. Because— BETTY. Oh, I didn’t ’spect you to tell me. I don’t like to be preached at. Have you got any s’criptions with you? REV. J. J. Prescriptions? I’m not a druggist, nor a physician. BOBBY. Sub ones, she means. Mamma don’t like ’em. She hates begging ministers. She always signs, you know, ’cause she must, but she can’t afford to give away a whole dollar, or even half a one, ’cause her clothes are awful ’spensive, and the dressmaker bothers her awfully with bills. Oh, wouldn’t you like a cigar? (Takes a cigar case from a stand and passes it.) REV. J. J. No indeed. I never smoke, and I hope you never will. BOBBY. Oh yes I will. It’s lots nicer than chewing. Just you try. Or are you ’fraid it will make you sick? It did me, when I tried it, but I’m going to try a cigarette next time. Taint so strong. P’raps you better. BETTY. You better not. Maybe your Mamma wouldn’t like it. Mamma spanked Bobby. REV. J. J. My dear boy, I sincerely hope— BOBBY. Mamma’s coming. BETTY. We’ve entertained you good, haven’t we? We haven’t told anything we ought to not, have we? ’Cause if we have, we’ll get spanked and sent to bed, when you’re gone. BOBBY. If we have, don’t you tell. Be a good sport, and don’t tattle. Here comes Mamma. BETTY. And she’s got her new dress on. We’ve entertained him, Mamma! (Minister rises, as lady enters room, hand outstretched.) CURTAIN [Illustration] ------------------------------------------------------------------- New York TULLAR-MEREDITH CO. Chicago Our Five Money Getters THE RAG SOCIABLE A quaint old fashioned entertainment which is always sure to please. Libretto by Edith S. Tillotsen Music by Various Composers [Illustration] The dialog is very spicy and interesting, and humor and pathos are beautifully blended in the various musical selections. The characters include Mrs. Winters and her two daughters Betsy and Maria, Miss Jemima Rush, Mrs. Bassett, Mrs. Collins, Mrs. Salina Grey, the Allen twins (elderly), Mrs. Martha Ann Hall, Miss Eliza Hall, Mrs. Jane Tompkins, Jane Tompkins and Amanda Tompkins. The list of characters may be extended ad. lib. to meet local conditions. A fine entertainment for a class of women or girls, Ladies’ Aid, Christian Endeavor and Epworth League Societies, etc. _Price 25 cents per copy._ THE OLD DISTRICT SCHOOL A Farce In Two Acts (New Version) Book by Wm. Danforth Music arr. by Geo. F. Rosche [Illustration] This is a burlesque on the district school of 100 years ago. Ezekiel Simpkins, the teacher, is the central character. His costume is a tight Prince Albert coat, with brass buttons, or a worn and faded “claw-hammer” coat; colored vest, cut low; stock collar, with large black tie; trousers, “high-water,” with a patch of other color on one knee; well-worn shoes. Bald gray wig and “side” whiskers. The costumes of the pupils are in keeping with those of the teacher. The characters all read their lines from the book, so that there is very little to be memorized and for this reason this work can be prepared in a very short time. _Price, postpaid, 50 cents per copy._ THE VISION OF HENSEL An Evening with the old Songs The Old Songs of Childhood, Youth, Love, War and Home Libretto by Ellan N. Wood [Illustration] There is no friend like an old friend and after all there are no songs we love quite so much as the old ones. This Cantata furnishes a beautiful medium for the introduction of the old songs which we all know and love. There is just enough libretto to the work to form a continuous chain of thought throughout, and we know of no Cantata that will afford such a pleasing entertainment at such a small expenditure of labor. The book is well worth its price if only to secure this fine collection of old home songs. Full of sentiment, humor and pathos and decidedly new and fresh in construction. _Price, 30 cts. per copy, postpaid; $3.00 per doz., not prepaid; add 3 cts. per copy for postage._ THE CHAPERON A humorous Operetta in Three Acts Libretto by Wm. Danforth Music by Geo. F. Rosche [Illustration] “The Chaperon” is a humorous operetta designed for church choir and young people’s societies. It will be found available in all communities in which seven young men and seven young ladies who sing, can be found. The music is bright, tuneful, easy to learn and easy to remember. The dialogue is very witty, clean, wholesome and entertaining. _Price, postpaid, 60 cents per copy._ THE SPINSTERS’ CLUB A Humorous Operetta in Two Acts Libretto by Harriet D. Castle Music by Geo. F. Rosche [Illustration] “The Spinsters’ Club” is a humorous operetta designed for church choirs and young people’s societies. It will be found available in all communities in which a church choir is found. The music is bright, tuneful, and yet easy to learn and memorize. The dialogue is witty, pleasing and entertaining. _Price, postpaid, 60 cents per copy._ A returnable sample copy of any of the above mailed on receipt of 3 cents for postage; to be returned postpaid or paid for in ten days. ------------------------------------------------------------------- _New York TULLAR-MEREDITH CO. Chicago_ A New Tickler for your Funny Bone “CUPID AND THE CHORISTER” —or— “Herr Lover’s Dilemma” _A Musical Entertainment In One Act_ Libretto by H. MacDONALD BARR Music by CARL F. PRICE The most interesting, mirth-provoking entertainment which we have been privileged to see or hear in recent years. It goes right to your funny bone with a new kind of tickle. It provides a whole evening of the finest fun without for an instant suggesting the vulgar or commonplace. There is a laugh in every line of the libretto and a lilt to every brace of music which makes it irresistible. The spell cannot be broken by the fall of the curtain for the oft repeated strains of “Love is the way to spell Living” are sure to echo and re-echo long after the entertainment is over. This entertainment is easily within the ability of the ordinary church choir with augmented chorus. Special costumes are needed by only three or four characters, the chorus being in ordinary dress. No elaborate stage setting is necessary, a neat platform with an adjoining room, or with a door, being the only requisites for its presentation. A piano should be on the platform. CAST Professor Herr Lover, A little Anxious _Tenor_ Xerxes Strong, A little Weak _Bass_ F. Sharp, A little Blunt _Baritone_ Fillup Pipes, A little Big _Baritone_ A. Dagio, A little Slow _Bass_ Prophundo Basso, A little Deep _Bass_ Ledgoline Topsee, A little High _Soprano_ Gracie Note, A little Light _Soprano_ Addaline Crescendo, A little Swell _Alto_ Miss Keys, A little Inattentive _Pianist_ Jim, The Janitor, A little Noisy CHORUS THE STORY Professor Herr Lover has written a cantata, the rehearsal of which he is to conduct. He has proposed marriage to the leading soprano, Ledgoline Topsee, but she is afraid he lacks the quality of patience, and plans, with the aid of her friends who compose the cast, to utilize the rehearsal to test him in that respect. After tolerating a series of aggravating interruptions and delays on the part of the singers, he at last gives away to a burst of angry passion, only to discover what he has lost by so doing. By a clever surrender, however, he turns defeat into victory, and the affair ends happily. This play given by your _Church Choir_, _Young People’s Society_ or _Ladies’ Aid_ will prove a financial success beyond your fondest dream. _Someone_ will give this in your vicinity. Why not be the first and reap the benefit for _your_ church or Society? The price is 75 cents per copy with a small license fee for privilege of public performance for profit, but we have a special proposition to offer for its first appearance in each city or town. If interested, write for particulars with prospectus. _Price 75 cents per Copy._ _Performing Rights Reserved_ _New York TULLAR-MEREDITH CO. Chicago_ NEW PLAYS By Elizabeth F. Guptill [Illustration] The School at Mud Hollow. A burlesque in two parts. 8 Males and 19 Females. Time about 2 hours. Price 35 cents. PART I. In which is portrayed the difficulties encountered by Miss Arabella Pinkham, who has come to “Mud Hollow” to assume the responsible duties of “Teacher” in the school. In selecting “Mud Hollow” she seeks a change from the city life she is accustomed to, and finds plenty of it in the manners, customs and dialect of the pupils. From start to finish there is nothing but fun. PART II. Which represents the last day at the school, when the proud parents are present to listen to the final examination of the class by the Supervisor and enjoy the program which is rendered by the pupils. Part II. offers an opportunity for about 60 minutes of the finest fun possible. “The School at Mud Hollow” may be given in one evening, but for those who would prefer to make two evenings of it, or to give only one part, offer the same work announced below under the title of “_The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School_” and “_The Last Day at Mud Hollow School_” either of which can be given as a complete entertainment without regard to the other one. The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. Being Part I. of THE SCHOOL AT MUD HOLLOW. 6 Males and 14 Females. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents. The Last Day at Mud Hollow School. Being Part II. of THE SCHOOL AT MUD HOLLOW. 8 Males and 19 Females. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents. Santa’s Rescue [Illustration] Two mysterious pieces of paper fall into the hands of the children, one being found by the BOYS and one by the GIRLS. The meaning of the inscription on each remains a mystery until it is discerned that by placing the papers together they have the message that the “Old Witch” of the North has captured “Santa” and holds him in an ice prison at the North Pole. Of course there could be no “Merry Christmas” without their “patron saint”, so guided by the “Fairy Godmother” they start for the North Pole to rescue him. The “Old Witch” endeavors to block the rescuers’ way by the assistance of “Old Zero” and the “Snow Fairies” but when they learn that the snow drifts they are piling up are to aid in keeping “Santa” from his usual Christmas activities they get the “Sunbeam Fairies” to come to their aid and melt the snow, while they bind with a frozen cord the “Old Witch,” who is found indulging in a nap which she takes only once every hundred years. With the “Old Witch” powerless and in their control the Rescue of Santa is an easy matter. Tho’ belated somewhat by his enforced stay at the North Pole, the children are glad to become his “aides” in spreading a “Merry Christmas” through all the world. This is a very clever plot, well worked out, and will make a decided hit for the Christmas season. 4 Boys and 5 Girls with any number of Fairies. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents. FARCES Taking the Census. Mr. Cole, the Census Taker, has a funny experience in an attempt to gather the facts required by the government from Mrs. Almira Johnson, a “cullud lady,” and her young son Alexander. Three characters only. Time about 10 minutes. Price 10 cents. [Illustration] Answering the Phone. Mrs. Courtney and her daughter have a most trying experience with Nora Flanagan, the new “hired girl,” who in their absence attempts to carry out the instructions given with special reference to “answering the phone.” The final situation in which Nora makes a date with Miss Courtney’s “intended” is ridiculous in the extreme. 3 females. Time about 15 minutes. Price 10 cents. The Twins and How They Entertained the New Minister. They have a delightful time telling family secrets to the “New Minister,” who has called for the first time. They explain the necessity of seeing their mother to find out from her if she is “In,” for so often she is “Out” when she is “In” and “In” when she is “Out.” 2 Males and 1 Female. Time about 15 minutes. Price 10 cents. NO ENTERTAINMENTS SENT “ON EXAMINATION” * * * * * * Transcriber’s note: Dialect, obsolete and alternative spellings were left unchanged. Missing end punctuation was added. Spelling corrections: ‘his’ to ‘this’ …Daddy always entertains this way… ‘raises’ to ‘rises’ …(Minister rises, as lady enters room,… *** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TWINS, AND HOW THEY ENTERTAINED THE NEW MINISTER: A FARCE *** Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed. Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark license, especially commercial redistribution. START: FULL LICENSE THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work (or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at www.gutenberg.org/license. Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works 1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™ electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property (trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. 1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below. 1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the United States and you are located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™ works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when you share it without charge with others. 1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project Gutenberg™ work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any country other than the United States. 1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: 1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, copied or distributed: This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook. 1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg™ trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. 1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is posted with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. 1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg™ License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg™. 1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project Gutenberg™ License. 1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ website (www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. 1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. 1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works provided that: • You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.” • You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ works. • You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of receipt of the work. • You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works. 1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. 1.F. 1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. 1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE. 1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further opportunities to fix the problem. 1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. 1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. 1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any Defect you cause. Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™ Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from people in all walks of life. Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™’s goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org. Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit 501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws. The Foundation’s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread public support and donations to carry out its mission of increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations ($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt status with the IRS. The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate. While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who approach us with offers to donate. International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate. Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg™ concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. Most people start at our website which has the main PG search facility: www.gutenberg.org. This website includes information about Project Gutenberg™, including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.