The Project Gutenberg eBook of Widger's Quotations from the Project Gutenberg Editions of Paine's Writings on Mark Twain This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook. Title: Widger's Quotations from the Project Gutenberg Editions of Paine's Writings on Mark Twain Author: Albert Bigelow Paine Editor: David Widger Release date: January 1, 2003 [eBook #3643] Most recently updated: January 8, 2021 Language: English Credits: This etext was produced by David Widger *** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WIDGER'S QUOTATIONS FROM THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EDITIONS OF PAINE'S WRITINGS ON MARK TWAIN *** [Portions of this header are copyright (C) 2001 by Michael S. Hart and may be reprinted only when these Etexts are free of all fees.] [Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be used in any sales of Project Gutenberg Etexts or other materials be they hardware or software or any other related product without express permission.] This etext was produced by David Widger WIDGER'S QUOTATIONS FROM THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EDITION OF THE WORKS OF ALBERT BIGELOW PAINE ON MARK TWAIN EDITOR'S NOTE Readers acquainted with the Writings of Paine and Twain may wish to see if their favorite passages are listed in this selection. The etext editor will be glad to add your suggestions. One of the advantages of internet over paper publication is the ease of quick revision. At the end of the file there is also a chronologic list of Twain's works. All the titles may be found using the Project Gutenberg search engine at: http://promo.net/pg/ After downloading a specific file, the location and complete context of the quotations may be found by inserting a small part of the quotation into the 'Find' or 'Search' functions of the user's word processing program. The quotations are in two formats: 1. Small passages from the text. 2. Lists of alphabetized one-liners. The editor may be contacted at for comments, questions or suggested additions to these extracts. D.W. CONTENTS: MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1835-1866 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt1bg10.txt] #2982 MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1866-1875 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt2bg10.txt] #2983 MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1875-1886 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt3bg10.txt] #2984 MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1886-1900 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt4bg10.txt] #2985 MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1900-1907 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt5bg10.txt] #2986 MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1907-1910 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt6bg10.txt] #2987 THE COMPLETE MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1835-1910 by Paine [mt7bg10.txt] #2988 THE BOYS' LIFE OF MARK TWAIN by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt8bg10.txt] #3463 TWAIN'S LETTERS V1 1835-1866 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt1lt10.txt] #3193 TWAIN'S LETTERS V2 1867-1875 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt2lt10.txt] #3194 TWAIN'S LETTERS V3 1876-1885 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt3lt10.txt] #3195 TWAIN'S LETTERS V4 1886-1900 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt4lt10.txt] #3196 TWAIN'S LETTERS V5 1901-1906 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt5lt10.txt] #3197 TWAIN'S LETTERS V6 1907-1910 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt6lt10.txt] #3198 THE COMPLETE LETTERS OF MARK TWAIN by Albert Bigelow Paine [mtclt10.txt] #3199 A CHRONOLOGICAL LIST OF MARK TWAIN'S WORK FROM 1851-1910 MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY 1835-1866 by Albert Bigelow Paine[mt1bgxxx.xxx] #2982 Absolute unaccountability of conduct Benjamin Franklin and Samuel Clemens Bret Harte Court exertion. I love work "Do you swear?" "Not for amusement; only under pressure." Doing things and reflecting afterward Dr. Holmes's Songs in Many Keys His estimation of his own work was always unsafe Income equal to that then earned by the Vice-President of the US Jim Wolfe and the cats Kissed each other, something hitherto unknown Less than a cent an acre Man who has that eye doesn't need to go armed Never affiliate with inferiors; always climb Not Mark Twain's habit to strive for humor Nothing that glitters is gold Out of the window, and I carried the sash along with me. Perfect air of not knowing it to be humorous Ready acknowledgment of shortcoming Seeing them in print was a joy Seek companionship among men of superior intellect and character Sick were made well, and the well made better Swayed by every passing emotion and influence Twain did not remember ever having seen or heard his father lau Unerring faculty for making business mistakes Voluntarily retired from the service Ways and means were not always considered Wife was a new kind of possession MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY 1866-1875 by Albert Bigelow Paine[mt2bgxxx.xxx] #2983 American habit of carrying a cotton umbrella Auntie Rachel Death that made its beginning there Does not seem to be in all respects a reptile Don't take the bull by the horns-take him by the tail Dr. John Brown Expectant look in the Eastern horizon Forgotten that he had ever had any other views He had no prejudices about clothes Jealousy Josh Billings Know so much that isn't so. Lecky's History of European Morals'; Liberty, justice, humanity Life and death that made its beginning there Likely to write not wisely but too much Ma likes funerals Mark Twain Scrap-Book Marriages are what the parties to them alone really know Nothing but almost inspired lying got me out of this scrape Ornament of a house is the friends that frequent it Potter's "English violet" order of design Praise, but not of an intemperate sort Praises to whatever seemed genuine Proceeded from unreasoned selfishness to reasoned selfishness Read not so many books, but read a few books often Ridicule to the things considered sham Selfishness Sketches which every artist has, turned face to the wall Some folks mistake vivacity for wit Terrible death to be talked to death True Story Western humor Wife was for years afflicted with freckles MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1875-1886 by Albert Bigelow Paine, [mt3bg10.txt] #2984 Absentmindedness Between Harte and Clemens, the whole matter was unfortunate Bible Canadian girls so pretty Cat having a fit in a platter of tomatoes Cazenova, and Rousseau. Communism is idiocy Confusions of memory and imagination Conscience ain't got no sense Consider every man colored till he is proved white Cynic; restrained Damning with faint praise Drawn the sting of my fiftieth year; taken away the pain of it Fathers be alike, mayhap; mine hath not a doll's temper Fear God and dread the Sunday-school France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals Graham Bell Hain't we all the fools in town on our side? Happily, the little child was to evade that harsher penalty Hatred of humbug, and a scorn for cant Header Hickory-nuts I could a staid if I'd a wanted to, but I didn't want to. If loyalty to party is a form of patriotism, I am no patriot Lecky Livy, if it comforts you to lean on the Christian faith do so! Modest" Club My advice is not to raise the flag Operas Optimist Pessimist Pretty soon we shall have been dead a hundred years Religion Resenting, even when most amused by it, extravagance and burles Rubaiyat Style that is not a style at all but the very absence of it Symbol of the race ought to be a human being carrying an ax Teaspoonful of brains They fought, that a mother might own her child Under dog in the fight Well, it 'most kills me, but it pays What is Man MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1886-1900 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt4bg10.txt]#2985 Address he made at Yale College And now she is dead--& I can never tell her. And of the article: "I read it to the cat Been on the verge of being an angel all my life Carbuncle is a kind of jewel Compliment that helps us on our way Defeat waits somewhere for every conqueror Don't reform any more. It is not an improvement Edited manuscript-by a half wit Embroidery line Every man is strong until his price is named Feverish desire to admire the newest thing Flood-tide is a temporary condition Genius has no youth God is on both sides in this war Good-by. Will healing ever come, or life have value again? Honor is a harder master than the law Humor should take its outings in grave company I hope his uncle's funeral will be a failure! Immensely but unintelligently interested It cannot be safe for a man at my time of life to laugh so much Just say the report of my death has been grossly exaggerated Letter written in a passion is a mistake Man is the only animal that blushes, or that needs to Mind, if this is going to be too much trouble to you Neither the refinement nor the weakness of a college education Never a throne which did not represent a crime Only a human being, he said, could have done these things Only by resisting temptation that men grow strong Prepared and memorized a very good speech but had forgotten it. Preserve your illusions Pronounced Mrs. Clemens free from any organic ills Put all your eggs into one basket--and watch that basket Refused ten thousand dollars for a tobacco indorsement There is not much choice between a removal & a funeral What is biography? Unadorned romance Whenever I enjoy anything in art it means that it is poor Won't be anybody for you to get acquainted with but God Won't you please say something funny?" MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1900-1907 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt5bg10.txt]#2986 "Adams Memorial," by Saint-Gaudens A Dog's Tale Abhorred extortion and visible waste. After seventy we are respected--but don't need to behave American public opinion is a delicate fabric Asked forgiveness for the tears he had brought into her life Back Number Beethoven's Fifth Symphony Beethoven's sonatas and symphonies also moved him deeply Bible Blasphemy Cavalleria Rusticana Classic--something that everybody wants to have read Convenient bronchitis Count among my privileges in life that I know you, the author Covetousness to-day was the basis of all commerce Custom is custom: it is built of brass, boiler-iron Death was the thing that we did not believe in. Died at the right time, in the flower of youth and happiness Do right and you will be conspicuous Doctrine of Selfishness Don't you care more about the wretchedness of others Each letter or character should have one sound Enough of this world, and I wish I were out of it Find out what the country's customs are Gentleman Give her soap and towel, but hide the looking-glass God is sitting up nights worrying over the individuals God must love you! Hail you as the Voltaire of America Hair His conscience was always repairing itself How poor we are to-day! Human being needs to revise his ideas again about God I am as one who wanders and has lost his way I am tired & old; I wish I were with Livy I am tired wanting for that man to get old I would not call her back if I could If I could only see a dog that I knew in the old times Billiards Impatient as the Creator doubtless was to see man Impromptu speech It was his habit to grow fond of his surroundings Jester, who for forty years had been making the world laugh Last and best of life for which the first was made Learned the meaning of grief Letter on inadvertant theft on a visit to friends Life is a game of whist. Looks like a good deal of trouble for such a small result Loss of one whose memory is the only thing I worship Machine that is as unreliable as he is would have no market Man the irresponsible Machine Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired Massacre of Jews in Moscow Mental healing No general fondness for poetry; but many poems appealed to him Number of things I can remember that aren't so One could lose a dog in this bed," he declared Only dead men can tell the truth in this world Our alphabet is pure insanity Oyster has hardly any more reasoning power than a man Patriotism that proposed to keep the Stars and Stripes clean Pier Political conscience into somebody else's keeping Poorest, clumsiest excuse of all the creatures Previous-engagement plea Revelation of injustice and hypocrisy Seventy, the scriptural limitation of life Shall we ever laugh again? Smoked constantly, loathed exercise Subcutaneous injection of brandy saved her Tannhauser Teeth "The country home I need," he said, fiercely, "is a cemetery." The rest is silence There is no such thing as a new idea Threescore years and ten! To My Missionary Critics To the Person Sitting in Darkness War Prayer Was the World Made for Man We are always too busy for our children We have no real morals, but only artificial ones What an amusing creature the human being is!" What are you going to do, you poor soul? Wheresoever she was, there was Eden Would you do it again if you had the chance? Yes, we are a sufficiently comical invention, we humans MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1907-1910 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt6bg10.txt]#2987 Affection--that is the last and final and most precious reward All beggars, each in his own way Always an incompleteness somewhere, and the shadow Assent to what must be Ax on his shoulder proceeding toward a grindstone Beating the dirge of yesterday or the tattoo of to-morrow Begum, of Bengal, days out from Canton--homeward bound! Best friend I have ever had, but is the best man I have known Brown's Hotel Byron Casanova & Pepys & Saint Simon Cats really owned Stormfield Certainty Chastity, you can carry it too far. Claudius Conceit in believing that he was the Creator's pet Continuous procession of blood and slaughter and stench Costs even more to entertain a dog than a burglar Curiosities and absurdities of religious superstitions Death--the only immortal who treats us all alike Despises pretenders and charlatans of all sorts Dreaming of the past or anticipating the future Dying I don't want to be stimulated back to life Each of us knows it all, and knows he knows it all Eighty-five hundred guests at the King's party Entered upon a holiday whose other end is the cemetery Even members of his household did not always stir his conscious Every man builds his God according to his own capacities. Fame had deprived him of valued privileges. Frankness is a jewel; only the young can afford it Glad, for the sake of the dead, that they have escaped God Trust motto on the coins Got a genuine excuse. It makes me feel so honest Government that robs its own people earns its future Habits take precedence of thought He lived in the present I have never greatly envied any one but the dead Incite public favorites to dangerous ambitions Infamous doctrine of allegiance to party Interpreting the deity Jane Austen's books Knights of Labor Letters from the Earth Letters of Madame de Sevigne Life is too long and too short Loved him all my life, and I'll love him till I die Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain Make other men not fit to die, but fit to live Man who isn't a pessimist is a d---d fool." Many things had been discussed and put away for good Mendicancy Museum of Natural History Nobler to teach others to be good, and less trouble Nothing is ever at rest--wood, iron, water, everything is alive October th was a perfect wedding-day Oh, it is such a mystery, and it takes so long Optimism Party have somehow got a mortgage on his soul People religiously and otherwise insane Pessimist Rain falls upon the just and the unjust alike Reached the grandfather stage of life without grandchildren Recognize myself Ruling public and political aristocracy Sad tolerance of age Saint-Saens Shem's diary Ship ahoy! What ship is that? And whence and whither? Simon wheeler, detective Slave that is proud that he is a slave Suetonius, Suetonius and Carlyle lay on the bed beside him Tarkington Telling the truth's the funniest joke in the world Temperament is the man The Derelict The Great Law The international lightning trust The mysterious chamber The second advent The war prayer There is that about the sun which makes us forget his spots They have forgotten how to rest This race's God I mean--their own pet invention This view beggars all admiration Titanic Tom and Huck Trinity Turn hell's back yard into a playground Undertaker's love-story Unitarianism is a featherbed to catch falling Christians Unsent Letters We live to learn When we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry Whereas we can think, we generally don't do it Which was which? Woman a eulogy of the fair sex Woodrow Wilson Wouldn't read that book again without a salary. Ye shall be indifferent as to what your neighbor's religion is. You must never ask for wages You sneer, you ships that pass me by Young people--school-girls in particular THE COMPLETE MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1835-1910 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt7bg10.txt]#2988 A Dog's Tale Abhorred extortion and visible waste. Absentmindedness Absolute unaccountability of conduct "Adams Memorial," by Saint-Gaudens Address he made at Yale College Affection--that is the last and final and most precious reward After seventy we are respected--but don't need to behave All beggars, each in his own way Always an incompleteness somewhere, and the shadow American habit of carrying a cotton umbrella American public opinion is a delicate fabric American enthusiasm in such matters stopped well above their po And now she is dead--& I can never tell her. And of the article: "I read it to the cat." Asked forgiveness for the tears he had brought into her life Assassination of an empress Assent to what must be Auntie Rachel Autobiography of a damn fool Ax on his shoulder proceeding toward a grindstone Back Number Beating the dirge of yesterday or the tattoo of to-morrow Been on the verge of being an angel all my life Beethoven's sonatas and symphonies also moved him deeply Beethoven's Fifth Symphony Begum, of Bengal, days out from Canton--homeward bound! Benjamin Franklin and Samuel Clemens Best friend I have ever had, but is the best man I have known Between Harte and Clemens, the whole matter was unfortunate Blasphemy Bret Harte Brown's Hotel Byron Canadian girls so pretty Carbuncle is a kind of jewel Casanova & Pepys & Saint Simon Cat having a fit in a platter of tomatoes Cats really owned Stormfield Cavalleria Rusticana Cazenova, and Rousseau. Certainty Chastity, you can carry it too far Classic--something that everybody wants to have read Claudius Communism is idiocy Compliment that helps us on our way Conceit in believing that he was the Creator's pet Confusions of memory and imagination Conscience ain't got no sense Consider every man colored till he is proved white Continuous procession of blood and slaughter and stench Convenient bronchitis Costs even more to entertain a dog than a burglar Count among my privileges in life that I know you, the author Court exertion. I love work Covetousness to-day was the basis of all commerce Curiosities and absurdities of religious superstitions Custom is custom: it is built of brass, boiler-iron Cynic; restrained Damning with faint praise Death that made its beginning there Death was the thing that we did not believe in. Death--the only immortal who treats us all alike Defeat waits somewhere for every conqueror Despises pretenders and charlatans of all sorts Died at the right time, in the flower of youth and happiness Do right and you will be conspicuous "Do you swear?" "Not for amusement; only under pressure." Doctrine of Selfishness Does not seem to be in all respects a reptile Doing things and reflecting afterward Don't you care more about the wretchedness of others Don't take the bull by the horns-take him by the tail Don't reform any more. It is not an improvement Dr. Holmes's Songs in Many Keys Dr. John Brown Drawn the sting of my fiftieth year; taken away the pain of it Dreaming of the past or anticipating the future Dying I don't want to be stimulated back to life Each letter or character should have one sound Each of us knows it all, and knows he knows it all Edited manuscript-by a half wit Eighty-five hundred guests at the King's party Embroidery line Enough of this world, and I wish I were out of it Entered upon a holiday whose other end is the cemetery Even members of his household did not always stir his conscious Every man builds his God according to his own capacities Every man is strong until his price is named Expectant look in the Eastern horizon Fame had deprived him of valued privileges Fathers be alike, mayhap; mine hath not a doll's temper Fear God and dread the Sunday-school Feverish desire to admire the newest thing Find out what the country's customs are Flood-tide is a temporary condition Forgotten that he had ever had any other views France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals Frankness is a jewel; only the young can afford it Genius has no youth Gentleman Give her soap and towel, but hide the looking-glass Glad, for the sake of the dead, that they have escaped. God is on both sides in this war God must love you! God Trust" motto on the coins God is sitting up nights worrying over the individuals Good-by. Will healing ever come, or life have value again? Got a genuine excuse. It makes me feel so honest Government that robs its own people earns its future Graham Bell Habits take precedence of thought Hail you as the Voltaire of America Hain't we all the fools in town on our side? Hair Happily, the little child was to evade that harsher penalty Hatred of humbug, and a scorn for cant He had no prejudices about clothes He lived in the present Header Hickory-nuts His conscience was always repairing itself His estimation of his own work was always unsafe Honor is a harder master than the law How poor we are to-day! Human being needs to revise his ideas again about God Humor should take its outings in grave company I am tired & old; I wish I were with Livy I am tired wanting for that man to get old I would not call her back if I could I could a staid if I'd a wanted to, but I didn't want to I have never greatly envied any one but the dead I am as one who wanders and has lost his way I hope his uncle's funeral will be a failure! If loyalty to party is a form of patriotism, I am no patriot If I could only see a dog that I knew in the old times Immensely but unintelligently interested Impatient as the Creator doubtless was to see man Impromptu speech Incite public favorites to dangerous ambitions Income equal to that then earned by the Vice-President of the US Infamous doctrine of allegiance to party It was his habit to grow fond of his surroundings It cannot be safe for a man at my time of life to laugh so much Jane Austen's books Jealousy Jester, who for forty years had been making the world laugh Jim Wolfe and the cats Josh Billings Just say the report of my death has been grossly exaggerated Kissed each other, something hitherto unknown Know so much that isn't so Last and best of life for which the first was made Learned the meaning of grief Lecky Lecky's History of European Morals Less than a cent an acre Letter on inadvertant theft on a visit to friends Letter written in a passion is a mistake Letters of Madame de Sevigne Letters from the Earth Liberty, justice, humanity Life and death that made its beginning there Life is a game of whist. Life is too long and too short. Likely to write not wisely but too much Livy, if it comforts you to lean on the Christian faith do so! Looks like a good deal of trouble for such a small result Loss of one whose memory is the only thing I worship Loved him all my life, and I'll love him till I die Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain Ma likes funerals Machine that is as unreliable as he is would have no market Make other men not fit to die, but fit to live Man is the only animal that blushes, or that needs to Man who isn't a pessimist is a d---d fool Man who has that eye doesn't need to go armed Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired Man the irresponsible Machine Many things had been discussed and put away for good Mark Twain Scrap-Book Marriages are what the parties to them alone really know Massacre of Jews in Moscow Mendicancy Mental healing Mind, if this is going to be too much trouble to you "Modest" Club Museum of Natural History My advice is not to raise the flag Neither the refinement nor the weakness of a college education Never affiliate with inferiors; always climb Never a throne which did not represent a crime No general fondness for poetry; but many poems appealed to him Nobler to teach others to be good, and less trouble Not Mark Twain's habit to strive for humor Nothing that glitters is gold Nothing but almost inspired lying got me out of this scrape Nothing is ever at rest--wood, iron, water, everything is alive Number of things I can remember that aren't so." October th was a perfect wedding-day Oh, it is such a mystery, and it takes so long One could lose a dog in this bed Only dead men can tell the truth in this world Only a human being, he said, could have done these things Only by resisting temptation that men grow strong Operas Optimism Optimist Ornament of a house is the friends that frequent it Our alphabet is pure insanity Out of the window, and I carried the sash along with me. Oyster has hardly any more reasoning power than a man Party have somehow got a mortgage on his soul, Patriotism that proposed to keep the Stars and Stripes clean People religiously and otherwise insane Perfect air of not knowing it to be humorous Pessimist Pier Political conscience into somebody else's keeping Poorest, clumsiest excuse of all the creatures Potter's "English violet" order of design Praise, but not of an intemperate sort Praises to whatever seemed genuine Prepared and memorized a very good speech but had forgotten it Preserve your illusions Pretty soon we shall have been dead a hundred years Previous-engagement plea Proceeded from unreasoned selfishness to reasoned selfishness Pronounced Mrs. Clemens free from any organic ills Put all your eggs into one basket--and watch that basket Rain falls upon the just and the unjust alike Reached the grandfather stage of life without grandchildren Read not so many books, but read a few books often Ready acknowledgment of shortcoming Recognize myself Refused ten thousand dollars for a tobacco indorsement Religion Resenting, even when most amused by it, extravagance and burles Revelation of injustice and hypocrisy Ridicule to the things considered sham Rubaiyat Ruling public and political aristocracy Sad tolerance of age Saint-Saens Seeing them in print was a joy Seek companionship among men of superior intellect and character Selfishness Seventy, the scriptural limitation of life Shall we ever laugh again? Ship ahoy! What ship is that? And whence and whither? Sick were made well, and the well made better Sketches which every artist has, turned face to the wall Slave that is proud that he is a slave Smoked constantly, loathed exercise Some folks mistake vivacity for wit Style that is not a style at all but the very absence of it Subcutaneous injection of brandy saved her Suetonius and Carlyle lay on the bed beside him Swayed by every passing emotion and influence Symbol of the race ought to be a human being carrying an ax Tannhauser Tarkington Teaspoonful of brains Teeth Telling the truth's the funniest joke in the world Temperament is the man Terrible death to be talked to death "The country home I need," he said, fiercely, "is a cemetery." The Great Law The rest is silence The Derelict The second advent The war prayer The mysterious chamber The international lightning trust There is that about the sun which makes us forget his spots There is no such thing as a new idea There is not much choice between a removal & a funeral They have forgotten how to rest They fought, that a mother might own her child This view beggars all admiration This race's God I mean--their own pet invention. Threescore years and ten! Titanic To My Missionary Critics To the Person Sitting in Darkness Trinity True Story Turn hell's back yard into a playground Twain did not remember ever having seen or heard his father laugh Under dog in the fight Unerring faculty for making business mistakes Unitarianism is a featherbed to catch falling Christians Unsent Letters Voluntarily retired from the service War Prayer Was the World Made for Man Ways and means were not always considered We are always too busy for our children We have no real morals, but only artificial ones We live to learn Well, it 'most kills me, but it pays Western humor What is biography? Unadorned romance What is Man What are you going to do, you poor soul? What an amusing creature the human being is When we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry Whenever I enjoy anything in art it means that it is poor Whereas we can think, we generally don't do it. Wheresoever she was, there was Eden Wife was a new kind of possession Wife was for years afflicted with freckles Won't be anybody for you to get acquainted with but God Won't you please say something funny? Woodrow Wilson Would you do it again if you had the chance? Wouldn't read that book again without a salary Ye shall be indifferent as to what your neighbor's religion is. Yes, we are a sufficiently comical invention, we humans. You sneer, you ships that pass me by You must never ask for wages Young people--school-girls in particular THE BOYS' LIFE OF MARK TWAIN by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt8bg10.txt]#3463 It was the 2d of February, 1870, that Samuel Clemens and Olivia Langdon were married. A few days before, he sat down one night and wrote to Jim Gillis, away out in the Tuolumne Hills, and told him of all his good fortune, recalling their days at Angel's Camp, and the absurd frog story, which he said had been the beginning of his happiness. In the five years since then he had traveled a long way, but he had not forgotten. "Roughing It," in fact, proved a very successful book. Like "The Innocents Abroad," it was the first of its kind, fresh in its humor and description, true in its picture of the frontier life he had known. In three months forty thousand copies had been sold, and now, after more than forty years, it is still a popular book. The life it describes is all gone--the scenes are changed. It is a record of a vanished time--a delightful history--as delightful to-day as ever. England fairly reveled in Mark Twain. At one of the great banquets, a roll of the distinguished guests was called, and the names properly applauded. Mark Twain, busily engaged in low conversation with his neighbor, applauded without listening, vigorously or mildly, as the others led. Finally a name was followed by a great burst of long and vehement clapping. This must be some very great person indeed, and Mark Twain, not to be outdone in his approval, stoutly kept his hands going when all others had finished. "Whose name was that we were just applauding?" he asked of his neighbor. --"Mark Twain's." They remained for a time in London--a period of honors and entertainment. If Mark Twain had been a lion on his first visit, he was hardly less than royalty now. His rooms at the Langham Hotel were like a court. The nation's most distinguished men--among them Robert Browning, Sir John Millais, Lord Houghton, and Sir Charles Dilke--came to pay their respects. Authors were calling constantly. Charles Reade and Wilkie Collins could not get enough of Mark Twain. Reade proposed to join with him in writing a novel, as Warner had done. Lewis Carroll did not call, being too timid, but they met the author of "Alice in Wonderland" one night at a dinner, "the shyest full-grown man, except Uncle Remiss, I ever saw," Mark Twain once declared. At Quarry Farm that summer Mark Twain began the writing of "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer." He had been planning for some time to set down the story of those far-off days along the river-front at Hannibal, with John Briggs, Tom Blankenship, and the rest of that graceless band, and now in the cool luxury of a little study which Mrs. Crane had built for him on the hillside he set himself to spin the fabric of his youth. The study was a delightful place to work. It was octagonal in shape, with windows on all sides, something like a pilot-house. From any direction the breeze could come, and there were fine views. To Twichell he wrote: "I came in with Halley's comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's comet." The terms of Samuel Clemens's apprenticeship were the usual thing for that day: board and clothes--"more board than clothes, and not much of either," Mark Twain used to say. "If your memory extends so far back, you will recall a little sandy- haired boy of nearly a quarter of a century ago, in the printing-office at Hannibal, over the Brittingham drug-store, mounted upon a little box at the case, who used to love to sing so well the statement of the poor drunken man who was supposed to have fallen by the wayside, 'If ever I get up again, I'll stay up--if I kin.'" "Do you swear?"--"N-not for amusement; only under pressure." "When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not; but I am getting old, and soon I shall remember only the latter." TWAIN'S LETTERS V1 1835-1866 by A. B. Paine[mt1lt10.txt] #3193 A mighty national menace to sham All talk and no cider Condition my room is always in when you are not around Deprived of the soothing consolation of swearing Frankness is a jewel; only the young can afford it Genius defies the laws of perspective Hope deferred maketh the heart sick I never greatly envied anybody but the dead In the long analysis of the ages it is the truth that counts Just about enough cats to go round Moral bulwark reared against hypocrisy and superstition The coveted estate of silence, time's only absolute gift We went outside to keep from getting wet What a pleasure there is in revenge! When in doubt, tell the truth When it is my turn, I don't TWAIN'S LETTERS V2 1867-1875 by A. B. Paine[mt2lt10.txt] #3194 DEAR REDPATH,--I wish you would get me released from the lecture at Buffalo. I mortally hate that society there, and I don't doubt they hired me. I once gave them a packed house free of charge, and they never even had the common politeness to thank me. They left me to shift for myself, too, a la Bret Harte at Harvard. Get me rid of Buffalo! Otherwise I'll have no recourse left but to get sick the day I lecture there. I can get sick easy enough. I send you No. 5 today. I have written and re-written the first half of it three different times, yesterday and today, and at last Mrs. Clemens says it will do. I never saw a woman so hard to please about things she doesn't know anything about. Yours ever, MARK. This is the place to get a poor opinion of everybody in. There isn't one man in Washington, in civil office, who has the brains of Anson Burlingame--and I suppose if China had not seized and saved his great talents to the world, this government would have discarded him when his time was up. There are more pitiful intellects in this Congress! Oh, geeminy! There are few of them that I find pleasant enough company to visit. I am most infernally tired of Wash. and its "attractions." To be busy is a man's only happiness--and I am--otherwise I should die Yrs. aff. SAM. TWAIN'S LETTERS V3 1876-1885 by Albert Bigelow Paine[mt3lt10.txt] #3195 It is interesting to note that in thanking Clemens for his compliment Howells wrote: "What people cannot see is that I analyze as little as possible; they go on talking about the analytical school, which I am supposed to belong to, and I want to thank you for using your eyes..... Did you ever read De Foe's 'Roxana'? If not, then read it, not merely for some of the deepest insights into the lying, suffering, sinning, well-meaning human soul, but for the best and most natural English that a book was ever written in." Pray offer my most sincere and respectful approval to the President--is approval the proper word? I find it is the one I most value here in the household and seldomest get. In the same letter he suggests to his brother that he undertake an absolutely truthful autobiography, a confession in which nothing is to be withheld. He cites the value of Casanova's memories, and the confessions of Rousseau. And I say this also: He that waiteth for all men to be satisfied with his plan, let him seek eternal life, for he shall need it. Well-good-bye, and a short life and a merry one be yours. Poor old Methusaleh, how did he manage to stand it so long? You are assisted in your damaging work by the tyrannous ways of a village--villagers watch each other and so make cowards of each other. TWAIN'S LETTERS V4 1886-1900 by Albert Bigelow Paine[mt4lt10.txt] #3196 And I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55 Argument against suicide Conversationally being yelled at Dead people who go through the motions of life Die in the promptest kind of a way and no fooling around Heroic endurance that resembles contentment Honest men must be pretty scarce I wonder how they can lie so. It comes of practice, no doubt If this is going to be too much trouble to you One should be gentle with the ignorant Sunday is the only day that brings unbearable leisure Symbol of the human race ought to be an ax What a pity it is that one's adventures never happen! TWAIN'S LETTERS V5 1901-1906 by Albert Bigelow Paine[mt5lt10.txt] #3197 I have seen that iceberg thirty-four times in thirty-seven voyages; it is always the same shape, it is always the same size, it always throws up the same old flash when the sun strikes it; you may set it on any New York door-step of a June morning and light it up with a mirror-flash; and I will engage to recognize it. It is artificial, and it is provided and anchored out by the steamer companies. I used to like the sea, but I was young then, and could easily get excited over any kind of monotony, and keep it up till the monotonies ran out, if it was a fortnight. It vexes me to catch myself praising the clean private citizen Roosevelt, and blaming the soiled President Roosevelt, when I know that neither praise nor blame is due to him for any thought or word or deed of his, he being merely a helpless and irresponsible coffee-mill ground by the hand of God. It was a presidential year and the air was thick with politics. Mark Twain was no longer actively interested in the political situation; he was only disheartened by the hollowness and pretense of office-seeking, and the methods of office-seekers in general. Shall we ever laugh again? If I could only see a dog that I knew in the old times! and could put my arms around his neck and tell him all, everything, and ease my heart. Think--in 3 hours it will be a week!--and soon a month; and by and by a year. How fast our dead fly from us. Aldrich was here half an hour ago, like a breeze from over the fields, with the fragrance still upon his spirit. I am tired of waiting for that man to get old. When a man is a pessimist before 48 he knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little. TWAIN'S LETTERS V6 1907-1910 by Albert Bigelow Paine[mt6lt10.txt] #3198 That doctor had half an idea that there is something the matter with my brain. . . Doctors do know so little and they do charge so much for it. You ought not to say sarcastic things about my "fighting on the other side." General Grant did not act like that. General Grant paid me compliments. He bracketed me with Zenophon--it is there in his Memoirs for anybody to read. He said if all the confederate soldiers had followed my example and adopted my military arts he could never have caught enough of them in a bunch to inconvenience the Rebellion. General Grant was a fair man, and recognized my worth; but you are prejudiced, and you have hurt my feelings. DEAR HOWELLS,--I have to write a line, lazy as I am, to say how your Poe article delighted me; and to say that I am in agreement with substantially all you say about his literature. To me his prose is unreadable--like Jane Austin's. No, there is a difference. I could read his prose on salary, but not Jane's. Jane is entirely impossible. It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death. THE COMPLETE LETTERS OF MARK TWAIN by Albert Bigelow Paine[mtclt10.txt] #3199 That doctor had half an idea that there is something the matter with my brain. . . Doctors do know so little and they do charge so much for it. Shall we ever laugh again? If I could only see a dog that I knew in the old times! and could put my arms around his neck and tell him all, everything, and ease my heart. Think--in 3 hours it will be a week!--and soon a month; and by and by a year. How fast our dead fly from us. I used to like the sea, but I was young then, and could easily get excited over any kind of monotony, and keep it up till the monotonies ran out. And I say this also: He that waiteth for all men to be satisfied with his plan, let him seek eternal life, for he shall need it. Well-good-bye, and a short life and a merry one be yours. Poor old Methusaleh, how did he manage to stand it so long? You are assisted in your damaging work by the tyrannous ways of a village-- villagers watch each other and so make cowards of each other. A mighty national menace to sham All talk and no cider Approval Argument against suicide As good and ridiculous a soul as ever was. Buffalo! I mortally hate that society there Casanova Condition my room is always in when you are not around Conversationally and being yelled at Could easily get excited over any kind of monotony, De Foe's 'Roxana' Dead people who go through the motions of life Deprived of the soothing consolation of swearing Die in the promptest kind of a way and no fooling around Doctors do know so little and they do charge so much for it. Frankness is a jewel; only the young can afford it General Grant Genius defies the laws of perspective Get me rid of Buffalo! Great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death Hard to please about things she doesn't know anything about He that waiteth for all men to be satisfied with his plan Helpless and irresponsible coffee-mill ground by the hand of God Heroic endurance that resembles contentment Hollowness and pretense of office-seeking Honest men must be pretty scarce Hope deferred maketh the heart sick How fast our dead fly from us I never greatly envied anybody but the dead I wonder how they can lie so. It comes of practice, no doubt I am tired of waiting for that man to get old If this is going to be too much trouble to you In the long analysis of the ages it is the truth that counts Jacobs Just about enough cats to go round Moral bulwark reared against hypocrisy and superstition Never approximated, never compromised One should be gentle with the ignorant Quit sorry that Heaven makes the days so short Rousseau Short life and a merry one be yours Sunday is the only day that brings unbearable leisure Symbol of the human race ought to be an ax The coveted estate of silence, time's only absolute gift They don't run her now To be busy is a man's only happiness Uncover such a sore as that and show it to another Villagers watch each other and so make cowards of each other We went outside to keep from getting wet What a pleasure there is in revenge! What a pity it is that one's adventures never happen! When in doubt, tell the truth When it is my turn, I don't A CHRONOLOGICAL LIST OF MARK TWAIN'S WORK PUBLISHED AND OTHERWISE--FROM 1851-1910 by Albert Bigelow Paine Note 1.--This is not a detailed bibliography, but merely a general list of Mark Twain's literary undertakings, in the order of performance, showing when, and usually where, the work was done, when and where first published, etc. An excellent Mark Twain bibliography has been compiled by Mr. Merle Johnson, to whom acknowledgments are due for important items. Note 2.--Only a few of the more important speeches are noted. Volumes that are merely collections of tales or articles are not noted. Note 3.--Titles are shortened to those most commonly in use, as "Huck Finn" or "Huck" for "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn." Names of periodicals are abbreviated. The initials U. E. stand for the "Uniform Edition" of Mark Twain's works. The chapter number or numbers in the line with the date refers to the place in MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY where the items are mentioned. 1851. (See Chapter xviii of this work.) Edited the Hannibal Journal during the absence of the owner and editor, Orion Clemens. Wrote local items for the Hannibal Journal. Burlesque of a rival editor in the Hannibal Journal. Wrote two sketches for The Sat. Eve. Post (Philadelphia). To MARY IN H-l. Hannibal Journal. 1852-53. (See Chapter xviii.) JIM WOLFE AND THE FIRE-Hannibal Journal. Burlesque of a rival editor in the Hannibal Journal. 1853. (See Chapter xix.) Wrote obituary poems-not published. Wrote first letters home. 1855-56. (See Chapters xx and xxi.) First after-dinner speech; delivered at a printers' banquet in Keokuk, Iowa. Letters from Cincinnati, November 16, 1856, signed "Snodgrass"-- Saturday Post (Keokuk). 1857. (See Chapter xxi.) Letters from Cincinnati, March 16, 1857, signed "Snodgrass"--Saturday Post (Keokuk). 1858. Anonymous contributions to the New Orleans Crescent and probably to St. Louis papers. 1859. (See Chapter xxvii; also Appendix B.) Burlesque of Capt. Isaiah Sellers--True Delta (New Orleans), May 8 or 9. 1861. (See Chapters xxxiii to xxxv.) Letters home, published in The Gate City (Keokuk). 1862. (See Chapters xxxv to xxxviii.) Letters and sketches, signed "Josh," for the Territorial Enterprise (Virginia City, Nevada). REPORT OF THE LECTURE OF PROF. PERSONAL PRONOUN--Enterprise. REPORT OF A FOURTH OF JULY ORATION--Enterprise. THE PETRIFIED MAN--Enterprise. Local news reporter for the Enterprise from August. 1863. (See Chapters xli to xliii; also Appendix C.) Reported the Nevada Legislature for the Enterprise. First used the name "Mark Twain," February 2. ADVICE TO THE UNRELIABLE--Enterprise. CURING A COLD--Enterprise. U. E. INFORMATION FOR THE MILLION--Enterprise. ADVICE TO GOOD LITTLE GIRLS--Enterprise. THE DUTCH NICK MASSACRE--Enterprise. Many other Enterprise sketches. THE AGED PILOT MAN (poem)--" ROUGHING IT." U. E. 1864. (See. Chapters xliv to xlvii.) Reported the Nevada Legislature for the Enterprise. Speech as "Governor of the Third House." Letters to New York Sunday Mercury. Local reporter on the San Francisco Call. Articles and sketches for the Golden Era. Articles and sketches for the Californian. Daily letters from San Francisco to the Enterprise. (Several of the Era and Californian sketches appear in SKETCHES NEW AND OLD. U. E.) 1865. (See Chapters xlix to li; also Appendix E.) Notes for the Jumping Frog story; Angel's Camp, February. Sketches etc., for the Golden Era and Californian. Daily letter to the Enterprise. THE JUMPING FROG (San Francisco)Saturday Press. New York, November 18. U. E. 1866. (See Chapters lii to lv; also Appendix D.) Daily letter to the Enterprise. Sandwich Island letters to the Sacramento Union. Lecture on the Sandwich Islands, San Francisco, October 2. FORTY-THREE DAYS IN AN OPEN BOAT--Harper's Magazine, December (error in signature made it Mark Swain). 1867. (See Chapters lvii to lxv; also Appendices E, F, and G.) Letters to Alta California from New York. JIM WOLFE AND THE CATS--N. Y. Sunday Mercury. THE JUMPING FROG--book, published by Charles Henry Webb, May 1. U. E. Lectured at Cooper Union, May, '66. Letters to Alta California and New York Tribune from the Quaker City-- Holy Land excursion. Letter to New York Herald on the return from the Holy Land. After-dinner speech on "Women" (Washington). Began arrangement for the publication of THE INNOCENTS ABROAD. 1868. (See Chapters lxvi to lxix; also Appendices H and I.) Newspaper letters, etc., from Washington, for New York Citizen, Tribune, Herald, and other papers and periodicals. Preparing Quaker City letters (in Washington and San Francisco) for book publication. CAPTAIN WAKEMAN'S (STORMFIELD'S) VISIT TO HEAVEN (San Francisco), published Harper's Magazine, December, 1907-January, 1908 (also book, Harpers). Lectured in California and Nevada on the "Holy Land," July 2. S'CAT! Anonymous article on T. K. Beecher (Elmira), published in local paper. Lecture-tour, season 1868-69. 1869. (See Chapters lxx to lxxni.) THE INNOCENTS ABROAD--book (Am. Pub. Co.), July 20. U. E. Bought one-third ownership in the Buffalo Express. Contributed editorials, sketches, etc., to the Express. Contributed sketches to Packard's Monthly, Wood's Magazine, etc. Lecture-tour, season 1869-70. 1870. (See Chapters lxxiv to lxxx; also Appendix J.) Contributed various matter to Buffalo Express. Contributed various matter under general head of "MEMORANDA" to Galaxy Magazine, May to April, '7I. ROUGHING IT begun in September (Buffalo). SHEM'S DIARY (Buffalo) (unfinished). GOD, ANCIENT AND MODERN (unpublished). 1871. (See Chapters lxxxi and lxxxii; also Appendix K.) MEMORANDA continued in Galaxy to April. AUTOBIOGRAPHY AND FIRST ROMANCE --[THE FIRST ROMANCE had appeared in the Express in x87o. Later included in SKETCHES.]---booklet (Sheldon & Co.). U. E. ROUGHING IT finished (Quarry Farm). Ruloff letter--Tribune. Wrote several sketches and lectures (Quarry Farm). Western play (unfinished). Lecture-tour, season 1871-72. 1872. (See Chapters lxxxiii to lxxxvii; also Appendix L.) ROUGHING IT--book (Am. Pub. Co.), February. U. E. THE MARK TWAIN SCRAP-BOOK invented (Saybrook, Connecticut). TOM SAWYER begun as a play (Saybrook, Connecticut). A few unimportant sketches published in "Practical jokes," etc. Began a book on England (London). 1873. (See Chapters lxxxviii to xcii.) Letters on the Sandwich Islands-Tribune, January 3 and 6. THE GILDED AGE (with C. D. Warner)--book (Am. Pub. Co), December. U. E. THE LICENSE OF THE PRESS--paper for The Monday Evening Club. Lectured in London, October 18 and season 1873-74. 1874. (See Chapters xciii to xcviii; also Appendix M.) TOM SAWYER continued (in the new study at Quarry Farm). A TRUE STORY (Quarry Farm)-Atlantic, November. U. E. FABLES (Quarry Farm). U. E. COLONEL SELLERS--play (Quarry Farm) performed by John T. Raymond. UNDERTAKER'S LOVE-STORY (Quarry Farm) (unpublished). OLD TIMES ON THE MISSISSIPPI (Hartford) Atlantic, January to July, 1875. Monarchy letter to Mrs. Clemens, dated 1935 (Boston). 1875. (See Chapters c to civ; also Appendix N.) UNIVERSAL SUFFRAGE--paper for The Monday Evening Club. SKETCHES NEW AND OLD--book (Am. Pub. Co.), July. U. E. TOM SAWYER concluded (Hartford). THE CURIOUS REP. OF GONDOUR--Atlantic, October (unsigned). PUNCH, CONDUCTOR, PUNCH--Atlantic, February, 1876. U. E. THE SECOND ADVENT (unfinished). THE MYSTERIOUS CHAMBER (unfinished). AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A DAMN FOOL (unfinished). Petition for International Copyright. 1876. (See Chapters cvi to cx.) Performed in THE LOAN OF THE LOVER as Peter Spuyk (Hartford). CARNIVAL OF CRIME--paper for The Monday Evening Club--Atlantic, June. U. E. HUCK FINN begun (Quarry Farm). CANVASSER'S STORY (Quarry Farm)--Atlantic, December. U. E. "1601" (Quarry Farm), privately printed. [And not approved by Livy. D.W.] AH SIN (with Bret Harte)--play, (Hartford). TOM SAWYER--book (Am. Pub. Co.), December. U. E. Speech on "The Weather," New England Society, December 22. 1877. (See Chapters cxii to cxv; also Appendix O.) LOVES OF ALONZO FITZ-CLARENCE, ETC. (Quarry Farm)--Atlantic. IDLE EXCURSION (Quarry Farm)--Atlantic, October, November, December. U. E. SIMON WHEELER, DETECTIVE--play (Quarry Farm) (not produced). PRINCE AND PAUPER begun (Quarry Farm). Whittier birthday speech (Boston), December. 1878. (See Chapters cxvii to cxx.) MAGNANIMOUS INCIDENT (Hartford)--Atlantic, May. U. E. A TRAMP ABROAD (Heidelberg and Munich). MENTAL TELEGRAPHY--Harper's Magazine, December, 1891. U. E. GAMBETTA DUEL--Atlantic, February, 1879 (included in TRAMP). U. E. REV. IN PITCAIRN--Atlantic, March, 1879. U. E. STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT--book (Osgood & Co.), 1882. U. E. (The three items last named were all originally a part of the TRAMP ABROAD.) 1879. (See Chapters cxxi to cxxiv; also Chapter cxxxiv and Appendix P.) A TRAMP ABROAD continued (Paris, Elmira, and Hartford). Adam monument scheme (Elmira). Speech on "The Babies" (Grant dinner, Chicago), November. Speech on "Plagiarism" (Holmes breakfast, Boston), December. 1880. (See Chapters cxxv to cxxxii.) PRINCE AND PAUPER concluded (Hartford and Elmira). HUCK FINN continued (Quarry Farm, Elmira). A CAT STORY (Quarry Farm) (unpublished). A TRAMP ABROAD--book (Am. Pub. Co.), March 13. U. E. EDWARD MILLS AND GEO. BENTON (Hartford)--Atlantic, August. U. E. MRS. McWILLIAMS AND THE LIGHTNING (Hartford)--Atlantic, September. U. E. 1881. (See Chapters cxxxiv to cxxxvii.) A CURIOUS EXPERIENCE--Century, November. U. E. A BIOGRAPHY OF ----- (unfinished). PRINCE AND PAUPER--book (Osgood R; CO.), December. BURLESQUE ETIQUETTE (unfinished). [Included in LETTERS FROM THE EARTH D.W.] 1882. (See Chapters cxl and cxli.) LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI (Elmira and Hartford). 1883. (See Chapters cxlii to cxlviii.) LIFE ON THE Mississippi--book (Osgood R CO.), May. U. E. WHAT Is HAPPINESS?--paper for The Monday Evening Club. Introduction to Portuguese conversation book (Hartford). HUCK FINN concluded (Quarry Farm). HISTORY GAME (Quarry Farm). AMERICAN CLAIMANT (with W. D. Howells)--play (Hartford), produced by A. P. Burbank. Dramatized TOM SAWYER and PRINCE AND PAUPER (not produced). 1884. (See Chapters cxlix to cliii.) Embarked in publishing with Charles L. Webster. THE CARSON FOOTPRINTS--the San Franciscan. HUCK FINN--book (Charles L. Webster & Co.), December. U. E. Platform-readings with George W. Cable, season '84-'85. 1885. (See Chapters cliv to clvii.) Contracted for General Grant's Memoirs. A CAMPAIGN THAT FAILED--Century, December. U. E. THE UNIVERSAL TINKER--Century, December (open letter signed X. Y. Z. Letter on the government of children--Christian Union. KIDITCHIN (children's poem). 1886. (See Chapters clix to clxi; also Appendix Q.) Introduced Henry M. Stanley (Boston). CONNECTICUT YANKEE begun (Hartford). ENGLISH AS SHE IS TAUGHT--Century, April, 1887. LUCK--Harper's, August, 1891. GENERAL GRANT AND MATTHEW ARNOLD--Army and Navy dinner speech. 1887. (See Chapters clxii to clxiv; also Appendix R.) MEISTERSCHAFT--play (Hartford)-Century, January, 1888. U. E. KNIGHTS OF LABOR--essay (not published). To THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND--Harper's Magazine, December. U. E. CONSISTENCY--paper for The Monday Evening Club. 1888. (See Chapters clxv to clxviii.) Introductory for "Unsent Letters" (unpublished). Master of Arts degree from Yale. Yale Alumni address (unpublished). Copyright controversy with Brander Matthews--Princeton Review. Replies to Matthew Arnold's American criticisms (unpublished). YANKEE continued (Elmira and Hartford). Introduction of Nye and Riley (Boston). 1889. (See Chapters clxix to clxxiii; also Appendix S.) A MAJESTIC LITERARY FOSSIL Harper's Magazine, February, 1890. U. E. HUCK AND TOM AMONG THE INDIANS (unfinished). Introduction to YANKEE (not used). LETTER To ELSIE LESLIE--St Nicholas, February, 1890. CONNECTICUT YANKEE--book (Webster & Co.), December. U. E. 1890. (See Chapters clxxii to clxxiv.) Letter to Andrew Lang about English Criticism. (No important literary matters this year. Mark Twain engaged promoting the Paige typesetting-machine.) 1891. (See Chapters clxxv to clxxvii.) AMERICAN CLAIMANT (Hartford) syndicated; also book (Webster & Co.), May, 1892. U. E. European letters to New York Sun. DOWN THE RHONE (unfinished). KORNERSTRASSE (unpublished). 1892. (See Chapters clxxx to clxxxii.) THE GERMAN CHICAGO (Berlin--Sun. U. E. ALL KINDS OF SHIPS (at sea). U. E. Tom SAWYER ABROAD (Nauheim)--St. Nicholas, November, '93, to April, '94. U. E. THOSE EXTRAORDINARY TWINS (Nauheim). U. E. PUDD'NHEAD WILSON (Nauheim and Florence)--Century, December, '93, to June, '94 U. E. $100,000 BANK-NOTE (Florence)--Century, January, '93. U. E. 1893. (See Chapters clxxxiii to clxxxvii.) JOAN OF ARC begun (at Villa Viviani, Florence) and completed up to the raising of the Siege of Orleans. CALIFORNIAN'S TALE (Florence) Liber Scriptorum, also Harper's. ADAM'S DIARY (Florence)--Niagara Book, also Harper's. ESQUIMAU MAIDEN'S ROMANCE--Cosmopolitan, November. U. E. IS HE LIVING OR IS HE DEAD?--Cosmopolitan, September. U. E. TRAVELING WITH A REFORMER--Cosmopolitan, December. U. E. IN DEFENSE OF HARRIET SHELLEY (Florence)--N. A.-Rev., July, '94. U. E. FENIMORE COOPER'S LITERARY OFFENSES --[This may not have been written until early in 1894.]-- (Players, New York)--N. A. Rev., July,'95 U. E. 1894. (See Chapters clxxxviii to cxc.) JOAN OF ARC continued (Etretat and Paris). WHAT PAUL BOURGET THINKS OF US (Etretat)--N. A. Rev., January, '95 U. E. TOM SAWYER ABROAD--book (Webster & Co.), April. U. E. PUDD'NHEAD WILSON--book (Am. Pub. Co.), November. U. E. The failure of Charles L. Webster & Co., April 18. THE DERELICT--poem (Paris) (unpublished). 1895. (See Chapters clxxxix and cxcii.) JOAN OF ARC finished (Paris), January 28, Harper's Magazine, April to December. MENTAL TELEGRAPHY AGAIN--Harper's, September. U. E. A LITTLE NOTE TO PAUL BOURGET. U. E. Poem to Mrs. Beecher (Elmira) (not published). U. E. Lecture-tour around the world, begun at Elmira, July 14, ended July 31. 1896. (See Chapters cxci to cxciv.) JOAN OF ARC--book (Harpers) May. U. E. TOM SAWYER, DETECTIVE, and other stories-book (Harpers), November. FOLLOWING THE EQUATOR begun (23 Tedworth Square, London). 1897. (See Chapters cxcvii to cxcix.) FOLLOWING THE EQUATOR--book (Am. Pub. Co.), November. QUEEN'S JUBILEE (London), newspaper syndicate; book privately printed. JAMES HAMMOND TRUMBULL--Century, November. WHICH WAS WHICH? (London and Switzerland) (unfinished). TOM AND HUCK (Switzerland) (unfinished). HELLFIRE HOTCHKISS (Switzerland) (unfinished). IN MEMORIAM--poem (Switzerland)-Harper's Magazine. U. E. Concordia Club speech (Vienna). STIRRING TIMES IN AUSTRIA (Vienna)--Harper's Magazine, March, 1898. U. E. 1898. (See Chapters cc to cciii; also Appendix T.) THE AUSTRIAN EDISON KEEPING SCHOOL AGAIN (Vienna)Century, August. U. E. AT THE APPETITE CURE (Vienna)--Cosmopolitan, August. U. E. FROM THE LONDON TIMES, 1904 (Vienna)--Century, November. U. E. ABOUT PLAY-ACTING (Vienna)--Forum, October. U. E. CONCERNING THE JEWS (Vienna)--Harper's Magazine, September, '99. U. E. CHRISTIAN SCIENCE AND MRS. EDDY (Vienna)--Cosmopolitan, October. U. E. THE MAN THAT CORRUPTED HADLEYBURG (Vienna)--Harper's Magazine, December, '99 U. E. Autobiographical chapters (Vienna); some of them used in the N. A. Rev., 1906-07. WHAT IS MAN? (Kaltenleutgeben)--book (privately printed), August, 1906. ASSASSINATION OF AN EMPRESS (Kaltenleutgeben) (unpublished). THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER (unfinished). Translations of German plays (unproduced). 1899. (See Chapters cciv to ccviii.) DIPLOMATIC PAY AND CLOTHES (Vienna)--Forum, March. U. E. MY LITERARY DEBUT (Vienna)--Century, December. U. E. CHRISTIAN SCIENCE (Vienna)--N. A. Rev., December, 1902, January and February, 1903. Translated German plays (Vienna) (unproduced). Collaborated with Siegmund Schlesinger on plays (Vienna) (unfinished). Planned a postal-check scheme (Vienna). Articles about the Kellgren treatment (Sanna, Sweden) (unpublished). ST. JOAN OF ARC (London)--Harper's Magazine, December, 1904. U. E. MY FIRST LIE, AND How I GOT OUT OF IT (London)--New York World. U. E. Articles on South African War (London) (unpublished) Uniform Edition of Mark Twain's works (Am. Pub. Co.). 1900. (See Chapters ccix to ccxii.) TWO LITTLE TALES (London)--Century, November, 1901. U. E. Spoke on "Copyright" before the House of Lords. Delivered many speeches in London and New York. 1901. (See Chapters ccxiii to ccxviii.) TO THE PERSON SITTING IN DARKNESS (14 West Tenth Street, New York)-- N. A. Rev., February. TO MY MISSIONARY CRITICS (14 West Tenth Street, New York)--N. A. Rev., April. DOUBLE-BARREL DETECTIVE STORY (Saranac Lake, "The Lair") Harper's Magazine, January and February, 1902. Lincoln Birthday Speech, February 11. Many other speeches. PLAN FOR CASTING VOTE PARTY (Riverdale) (unpublished). THE STUPENDOUS PROCESSION (Riverdale) (unpublished). ANTE-MORTEM OBITUARIES--Harper's Weekly. Received degree of Doctor of Letters from Yale. 1902. (See Chapters ccxix to ccxxiv; also Appendix U.) DOES THE RACE OF MAN LOVE A LORD? (Riverdale)--N. A. Rev., April. U. E. FIVE BOONS of LIFE (Riverdale)--Harper's Weekly, July 5. U. E. WHY NOT ABOLISH IT? (Riverdale)--Harper's Weekly, July 5. DEFENSE OF GENERAL FUNSTON (Riverdale)--N. A. Rev., May. IF I COULD BE THERE (Riverdale (unpublished). Wrote various articles, unfinished or unpublished. Received degree of LL.D. from the University of Missouri, June. THE BELATED PASSPORT (York Harbor)--Harper's Weekly, December 6. U. E. WAS IT HEAVEN? OR HELL? (York Harbor)--Harper's Magazine, December. U. E. Poem (Riverdale and York Harbor) (unpublished) Sixty-seventh Birthday speech (New York), November 27. 1903. (See Chapters ccxxv to ccxxx.) MRS. EDDY IN ERROR (Riverdale)--N. A. Rev., April. INSTRUCTIONS IN ART (Riverdale)-Metropolitan, April and May. EDDYPUS, and other C. S. articles (unfinished). A DOG'S TALE (Elmira)--Harper's Magazine, December. U. E. ITALIAN WITHOUT A MASTER (Florence)--Harper's Weekly, January 21, 1904. U. E. ITALIAN WITH GRAMMAR (Florence)--Harper's Magazine, August, U. E. THE $30,000 BEQUEST (Florence)--Harper's Weekly, December 10, 1904. U. E. 1904. (See Chapters ccxxx to ccxxxiv.) AUTOBIOGRAPHY (Florence)--portions published, N. A. Rev. and Harper's Weekly. CONCERNING COPYRIGHT (Tyringham, Massachusetts)--N. A. Rev., January, 1905. TSARS SOLILOQUY (21 Fifth Avenue, New York)--N. A. Rev., March, 1905. ADAM'S DIARY--book (Harpers), April. 1905. (See Chapters ccxxxiv to ccxxxvii; also Appendix V.) LEOPOLD'S SOLILOQUY (21 Fifth Avenue, New York)--pamphlet, P. R. Warren Company. THE WAR PRAYER (21 Fifth Avenue, New York) (unpublished). EVE'S DIARY (Dublin, New Hampshire)--Harper's Magazine, December. 3,000 YEARS AMONG THE MICROBES (unfinished). INTERPRETING THE DEITY (Dublin New Hampshire) (unpublished). A HORSE'S TALE (Dublin, New Hampshire)-Harper's Magazine, August and September, i9o6. Seventieth Birthday speech. W. D. HOWELLS (21 Fifth Avenue, New York)-Harper's Magazine, July, 1906. 1906. (See Chapters ccxxxix to ccli.) Autobiography dictation (21 Fifth Avenue, New York; and Dublin, New Hampshire)--selections published, N. A. Rev., 1906 and 1907. Many speeches. Farewell lecture, Carnegie Hall, April 19. WHAT IS MAN?--book (privately printed). Copyright speech (Washington), December. 1907. (See Chapters cclvi to cclxiii.) Autobiography dictations (27 Fifth Avenue, New York; and Tuxedo). Degree of Doctor of Literature conferred by Oxford, June 26. Made many London speeches. Begum of Bengal speech (Liverpool). CHRISTIAN SCIENCE--book (Harpers), February. U. E. CAPTAIN STORMFIELD'S VISIT To HEAVEN--book (Harpers). 1908. (See Chapters cclxiv to cclxx.) Autobiography dictations (21 Fifth Avenue, New York; and Redding, Connecticut). Lotos Club and other speeches. Aldrich memorial speech. 1909. (See Chapters cclxxvi to cclxxxix; also Appendices N and W.) IS SHAKESPEARE DEAD?--book (Harpers), April. A FABLE--Harper's Magazine December. Copyright documents (unpublished). Address to St. Timothy School. MARJORIE FLEMING (Stormfield--Harper's Bazar, December. THE TURNING-POINT OF MY LIFE (Stormfield)--Harper's Bazar, February, 1910 BESSIE DIALOGUE (unpublished). LETTERS FROM THE EARTH (unfinished). THE DEATH OF JEAN--Harper's, December, 1910. THE INTERNATIONAL LIGHTNING TRUST (unpublished). 1910. (See Chapter ccxcii.) VALENTINES TO HELEN AND OTHERS (not published). ADVICE TO PAINE (not published). *** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WIDGER'S QUOTATIONS FROM THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EDITIONS OF PAINE'S WRITINGS ON MARK TWAIN *** Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed. Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ concept and trademark. 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