[1]
New Novels
6/-
THE QUESTION
By Parry Truscott
Author of "Catherine"
THE WICKED WORLD
By Alice Maud Meadows
Author of "The Dukedom of Portsea"
JOHN MARVEL
By Thomas Nelson Page
Author of "Red Rock"
By MARY GAUNT
The Uncounted Cost
Part Author of "The Silent Ones"
By HALLIWELL SUTCLIFFE
A Winter's Comedy
A Tale of Yorkshire
By VICTORIA CROSS
The Eternal Fires
Contains portrait of Author in Colours
By SHAN F. BULLOCK
Master John
Author of "Robert Thorne"
By STANLEY PORTAL HYATT
Black Sheep
Author of "The Marriage of Hilary Carden"
[2]
BIOGRAPHY
FOR
BEGINNERS
[3]
Fine Editions of this Book
are also issued
at 2/6 net and 6/- net
[4]
BIOGRAPHY
FOR
BEGINNERS
BEING A COLLECTION OF MISCELLANEOUS
EXAMPLES FOR THE USE OF UPPER FORMS
Edited by E. CLERIHEW, B.A.
With 40 Diagrams by G. K. CHESTERTON
LONDON
T. WERNER LAURIE
CLIFFORD'S INN
[5]
[6]
LIST OF CONTENTS
[7]
INTRODUCTORY REMARKS
The Art of Biography
Is different from Geography.
Geography is about Maps,
But Biography is about Chaps.
[8]
[9]
SIR CHRISTOPHER WREN
Sir Christopher Wren
Said, "I am going to dine with some men.
"If anybody calls
"Say I am designing St. Paul's."
[10]
[11]
MIGUEL DE CERVANTES
The people of Spain think Cervantes
Equal to half-a-dozen Dantes:
An opinion resented most bitterly
By the people of Italy.
[12]
[13]
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
Mr Bernard Shaw
Was just setting out for the war,
When he heard it was a dangerous trade
And demonstrably underpaid.
[14]
[15]
SIR HUMPHREY DAVY
Sir Humphrey Davy
Abominated gravy.
He lived in the odium
Of having discovered Sodium.
[16]
[17]
J. S. MILL
John Stuart Mill,
By a mighty effort of will,
Overcame his natural bonhomie
And wrote "Principles of Political Economy."
[18]
[19]
FRANÇOIS LISZT
The Abbé Liszt
Hit the piano with his fist.
That was the way
He used to play.
[20]
[21]
LORD CLIVE
What I like about Clive
Is that he is no longer alive.
There is a great deal to be said
For being dead.
[22]
[23]
KING EDWARD THE CONFESSOR
Edward the Confessor
Slept under the dresser.
When that began to pall,
He slept in the hall.
[24]
[25]
THE REV. JOHN CLIFFORD
M.A., LL.B., D.D.
Dr Clifford
And I have differed.
He disapproves of gin:
I disapprove of sin.
[26]
[27]
MESSRS CHAPMAN & HALL
Chapman & Hall
Swore not at all.
Mr Chapman's yea was yea,
And Mr Hall's nay was nay.
[28]
[29]
KARL MARX
Karl Marx
Was completely wrapped up in his sharks.
The poor creatures seriously missed him
While he was attacking the capitalist system.
[30]
[31]
OTTO THE GREAT
The great Emperor Otto
Could not decide upon a motto.
His mind wavered between
"L'Etat C'est Moi" and "Ich Dien."
[32]
[33]
MARCONI
Guglielmo Marconi
Was brought up on macaroni,
But when he gets it now
There's no end of a row.
[34]
[35]
DAVID HUME
That you have all heard of Hume
I tacitly assume;
But you didn't know, perhaps,
That his parents were Lapps.
[36]
[37]
MR H. BELLOC
Mr Hilaire Belloc
Is a case for legislation ad hoc.
He seems to think nobody minds
His books being all of different kinds.
[38]
[39]
JOB
It is understood that Job
Never read "The Globe;"
But nothing could be higher than
His opinion of Leviathan.
[40]
[41]
PIZARRO
The views of Pizarro
Were perhaps a little narrow.
He killed the Caciques
Because (he said) they were sneaks.
[42]
[43]
THE DUKE OF FIFE
K.T., P.C., G.C.V.O.
It looked bad when the Duke of Fife
Left off using a knife;
But people began to talk
When he left off using a fork.
[44]
[45]
THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON
The great Duke of Wellington
Reduced himself to a skellington.
He reached seven stone two,
And then——Waterloo!
[46]
[47]
JOHN BUNYAN
I do not extenuate Bunyan's
Intemperate use of onions,
But if I knew a wicked ogress
I would lend her "The Pilgrim's Progress."
[48]
[49]
GEORGE HIRST
When I faced the bowling of Hirst
I ejaculated, "Do your worst!"
He said, "Right you are, Sid."
----And he did.
[50]
[51]
ERASMUS AND THE HUMANISTS
After dinner, Erasmus
Told Colet not to be "blas'mous"
Which Colet, with some heat,
Requested him to repeat.
[52]
[53]
BESANT AND RICE
Sir (then Mr) Walter Besant
Would never touch pheasant,
But Mr James Rice
Thought it so nice.
[54]
[55]
TIZIANO VECELLI
When the great Titian
Was in a critical condition,
He was carefully nursed
By Francis the First.
[56]
[57]
PROFESSOR JAMES DEWAR, F.R.S.
Professor Dewar
Is a better man than you are.
None of you asses
Can condense gases.
[58]
[59]
SIR WALTER RALEIGH
Sir Walter Raleigh
Bickered down the valley.
But he could do better than the rill,
For he could bicker up-hill.
[60]
[61]
JANE AUSTEN
The novels of Jane Austen
Are the ones to get lost in.
I wonder if Labby
Has read "Northanger Abbey?"
[62]
[63]
ODO OF BAYEUX
Archbishop Odo
Was just in the middle of "Dodo,"
When he remembered that it was Sunday.
"Sic transit gloria mundi."
[64]
[65]
DAVID RICARDO
The intrepid Ricardo
With characteristic bravado,
Alluded openly to Rent
Wherever he went.
[66]
[67]
SIR THOMAS À MALLORY
Sir Thomas à Mallory
Always went to the gallery.
He said, not without nous,
That it was the best place in the house.
[68]
[69]
MR ALFRED BEIT
Mr Alfred Beit
Screamed suddenly in the night.
When they asked him why
He made no reply.
[70]
[71]
CIMABUE
When they told Cimabue
He didn't know how to cooee,
He replied, "Perhaps I mayn't,
But I do know how to paint."
[72]
[73]
PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT
If only Mr Roosevelt
Knew how officers in the Blues felt,
He wouldn't be so rife
With his Strenuous Life.
[74]
[75]
ROBERT HARLEY, EARL OF OXFORD
People wondered why Harley
Sang "Wae's me for Prince Charlie."
"It is childish," they said, "to mourn
For a person not yet born."
[76]
[77]
SIR ALEXANDER FULLER ACLAND-HOOD, M.P.
Sir Alexander Acland-Hood
Believed in Free Food:
But he was Eleusinian
About this opinion.
[78]
[79]
MAHOMET
I am not Mahomet.
----Far from it.
That is the mistake
All of you seem to make.
[80]
[81]
EDVARD GRIEG
The musician Grieg
Joined the Primrose League.
It gave him the idea of his chorus,
"The Unburied Ichthyosaurus."
[82]
[83]
JAN VAN EYCK
The younger Van Eyck
Was christened Jan, and not Mike.
The thought of this curious mistake
Often kept him awake.
[84]
[85]
MR T. WERNER LAURIE
Mr Werner Laurie
Is not at all sorry
He undertook the publication
Of this instructive compilation.
[86]
[87]
[88]
INDEX OF PSYCHOLOGY.
(In all work of a biographic character it is important to make
copious reference to as many as possible of the generally-recognised
virtues, vices, good points, foibles, peculiarities, tricks, characteristics,
little weaknesses, traits, imperfections, fads, idiosyncrasies, singularities,
morbid symptoms, oddities, faults, and regrettable propensities
set forth in the following table. The form of an alphabetic index,
with references to the examples given in the preceding pages, has
been chosen, so that the beginner who may be desirous, when trying
his hand at work of this sort, of seeing how any given one of these
subjects may best be treated, is enabled at once to turn to one or
more model passages.)
- Abominable deceit (Wren).
- Agitation, reluctance to explain (Beit).
- Allah, Prophet of, refusal to admit identity with (Mahomet).
- Appearances, disregard of, by man of position (Mallory).
- Artistic temperament, the: its acute sensitiveness (Van Eyck);
- love of violent action (Liszt);
- deliberate eccentricity (Fife);
- naïf self-appreciation (Cimabue);
- irresistibly attracted by the sublime (Grieg);
- high value set upon it by Frenchmen (Tiziano).
- Bankruptcy, moral (Wren).
- Blindness to obvious tendency of public opinion (Belloc).
[89]
- Cobdenism, qualified adherence to, hesitation to avow (Acland-Hood).
- Conduct, disingenuous (Wren).
- Contentions and disagreements, love of (Erasmus, Besant and Rice, Clifford, Raleigh).
- Diet, morbid delicacy in matter of (Davy, Besant, Marconi, but cf. Bunyan).
- Domestic servants, encouragement of dishonesty among (Wren).
- Efficiency (Dewar, Cimabue, Hirst, Liszt).
- Escutcheon, blot on, action involving (Wren).
- Excisable commodity, unsympathetic attitude towards (Clifford).
- Fact, cynical perversion of (Wren).
- Frigidity of style, sometimes attributable to præ-natal influences (Hume).
- Funereal thoughts, predisposition to (Harley).
- Generalisations, sweeping, dangerous fondness for (Pizarro).
- Guile (Wren).
- Habits, repugnant personal, often found in association with fine spiritual gifts (Bunyan).
- Horizon, restricted mental (Pizarro).
- Hour of trial, fortitude in (Acland-Hood).
- Hubbub, interminable, power to raise (Marconi).
- Hypocrisy, calculated (Wren).
[90]
- Ignoring, pointed, of literary rivals (Job).
- Information, insufficient, proneness to act upon (Shaw, Roosevelt).
- Insomnia, liability to (Van Eyck, Beit).
- Integrity, low standard of (Wren).
- Jesuitical dealing (Wren).
- Justification, flimsy, of homicide (Pizarro).
- Kindness to animals (Job, Marx).
- Knavery (Wren).
- Labouchere, Mr, power to awaken interest in (Austen).
- Levity, irresponsible, of Yorkshiremen (Hirst).
- Lie, bouncing, circulation of (Wren).
- Low company, penchant for (Mallory).
- Macchiavelli, unholy precepts of, tendency to act upon (Wren).
- Memory, lapse of (Odo).
- Mind, contented, blessing of a (Mallory).
- Nervous prostration, freedom from (Laurie).
- "Noblesse Oblige," disregard of apothegm (Wren).
- Obesity, effective treatment of (Wellington).
- Openness, want of (Wren).
[91]
- Ordinary man, treatment of genius at hands of (Davy, Harley).
- Oriental metaphor, distaste for (Chapman and Hall).
- Ostentation, contempt for (Mallory).
- Output, delusions in regard to reception of literary (Belloc).
- Percussion, instrument of, habit of treating pianoforte as (Liszt).
- Principle, absence of (Wren).
- —— self-sacrificing devotion to (Chapman & Hall).
- Prompt and decisive action, unfitness for position requiring (Otto).
- Psychology, complex and baffling, of contemporary genius (Marconi).
- Quickening, need of spiritual (Wren).
- Repartée, witty and pungent, gift of (Hirst, Cimabue).
- Resemblance, confusing physical, sometimes noted among higher types of genius (Mahomet).
- Restoration, lax morality of, readiness to fall in with (Wren).
- Salvation Army, sympathy with methods of (Liszt).
- Satanism, revolting display of (Wren).
- Self-effacement, public-spirited (Clive).
- Sense of proportion, lack of (Pizarro).
- Simple Life, fondness for the (Edward the Confessor, Mallory).
- Statesmanship, qualities of:
- anticipation of coming problems (Harley);
- readiness to sink own prejudices in interest of common weal (Acland-Hood);
- freedom from insomnia (Edward the Confessor).
[92]
- Taboos, faithful observance of (Odo).
- Taciturnity of the strong, silent man (Beit).
- Tartufe, willingness to regard, as moral examplar (Wren).
- Treasury, Parliamentary Secretary to the, anxiety to remain (Acland-Hood).
- Ugly, indifference to appearing (Wellington).
- Umbrage, quickness to take (Erasmus).
- Untruth, plausible, ability to frame (Wren).
- Utilitarianism, susceptibility to charms of (Mill).
- Utopian conditions, ill-judged efforts to realise (Pizarro).
- Valhalla, precipitate eagerness to qualify for (Shaw).
- Vaticanism, display of blighting effects of, upon human mind (Liszt, Pizarro).
- Veracity, departure from (Wren).
- Watchword, insistence upon ill-chosen (Roosevelt).
- World, the next, neglect of prospects in (Wren).
- Years, early, forgetfulness of habits inculcated in (Marconi).
- Y.M.C.A., unfitness for (Wren).
- Zealous pursuit of pleasure at expense of soul (Wren).
- Zenith of literary achievement, attainment of (Austen).
- Zulus, gradual adoption of social practices of (Fife).
[93]
Printed by A. M. Cowan & Co., Ltd.
St John's Hall, Perth, N.B.
Transcriber's Notes
Obvious punctuation errors repaired.
Author of The "Dukedom of Portsea" has been replaced with
Author of "The Dukedom of Portsea"
In the "List of Contents", "Jane Austin" has been replaced with "Jane Austen".
