The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Electric Man, by Charles Hannan.

THE ELECTRIC MAN

BEING THE ONE ACT VERSION OF THE
SUCCESSFUL THREE ACT FARCICAL
COMEDY OF THE SAME NAME

By

CHARLES HANNAN

Author of
“A Cigarette Maker’s Romance,” “Master of the Situation,” “The
Coachman with Yellow Lace,” “Iron Hand and Velvet Glove,”
“The World’s Way,” “United States,” “Sweet Olivia,”
“Richard Wye,” “The New Groom,” “The Setting
of the Sun,” “The Gipsy,” “A Fragment,” “The
Lily of the Field,” etc., etc., and in
collaboration with Wilson Barrett,
“Our Pleasant Sins.”

New York		London
SAMUEL FRENCH		SAMUEL FRENCH Ltd
Publisher		26 Southampton Street
28-30 WEST 38TH STREET		STRAND

The three act successful farcical comedy, “The Electric Man,” which may be obtained in manuscript from Messrs. Samuel French, Ltd., was first presented at the King’s Theatre, Hammersmith, with Mr. Harcourt Beatty in the leading rôle, and was subsequently put on for a West End run at the Royalty Theatre on November 10, 1906, with Mr. Harry Nicholls as the Electric Man, the piece being transferred to the Shaftesbury Theatre on Boxing Day of the same year.

The condensed one act form of the play which follows was produced by Mr. Harry Nicholls at the Chelsea Palace and Metropolitan Halls with the greatest success on July 29, 1907, cast thus:—

Walter and the automaton are never upon the stage together, so that throughout the play Walter takes the figure’s place by entering the cupboard “off.” A super is required, however, to play “dummy,” but when this happens the figure is seated in the cupboard with its back to audience.

Costume for Walter and for the automaton: Walter wears a brown coat or jacket and trousers of the same, with a white waistcoat. The automaton is dressed exactly the same as to trousers and waistcoat, etc., but wears a black frock coat, and as they both usually keep the coat buttoned, the waistcoat is seldom seen.

“Funeral March of a Marionette” to accompany the automaton’s scenes. The automaton walks very stiffly and jerkily, and moves his arms like a doll.

Mrs. Anderson. Oh, yes, sir, as I happens to know being woked up sudden, thinkering to hear a burgular, which was only Master Walter Everest, the gent I does for, a-creepering and a-crawlering upstairs.

Jack. Is he often like that? (Takes up and looks at letters on table and puts them down again.)

Mrs. Anderson. Lawk a floury! no, sir, only breaks out occasional when his work’s bad. Mr. Everest is a chemist and electerician.

Mrs. Anderson. I believes as he have something very musterious and secret inventering at this here identical period of time, some mustery as he keeps in that there cupboard which the door is always locked constant. Oh, very musterious—and queer smells a-penetratering and perfuncteroring the house. Oh, here he are, sir.

Walter. Hullo, hullo! whose head is this? It isn’t mine, it can’t be mine. Stop! (Sits top of R. table.) Stop! (Picks up newspaper.) Morning paper, who wants morning paper? (Throws it on floor behind him, and Jack, who is watching him, picks it up. Walter opens letter.) Letters, who wants letters?—oh, one from my tailor, “We greatly regret delay in delivery of your new black coat. We will despatch it to reach your residence without fail to-day. May we remind you that your account——?” No, you may not remind me.

Walter. Jack, I’m very ill. I haven’t been out of doors till last night for weeks. Nothing but work at what my father left me. He gave his lifetime to it and then left it to me. It ought to have been the invention of the age. I went on the spree last night, when the whole thing failed.

Jack. I have some news for you about your stepmother, Mrs. Everest. By the idiotic conditions of your late father’s will—if the old lady marries again before your birthday on Monday next the whole fortune he left becomes not yours but hers.

Jack. Yes, but that is how the will reads—instead of writing “He shall inherit,” your father wrote “she shall inherit.” She is the “she.” About forty-five thou., isn’t it?

Jack. An adventurer named Potterfield has lately come to the village, found out about the will, made love to the old lady, got a special license, and is bringing her to town to marry her to-morrow.

Jack. Stella is coming here directly. This wedding must be stopped or postponed.

Walter. Jack, something’s got to be done—suppose I were taken ill—very ill.

Walter. Well, suppose that—no, that’s no use—suppose again that—no, that’s no good either. I have a dim kind of idea that in some way my invention is going to help us.

Walter. It failed living; it might be of use dead. (Swiss Jodel.) Hullo, tra la la! (Momentary dissipated business.)

Walter. Hullo, Stella how are you? Jack has told me all about this adventurer, Potterfield. I’ve an idea to checkmate my stepmother. (Gives her seat.) I’m going to postpone their marriage not by being ill—I’m going to die. What do you think of that?

Walter. In that cupboard there is a figure exactly like myself which was timed to spring into existence yesterday at 5 p.m.—only it didn’t. It’s the work my father never completed. Something went wrong. There the figure is and will remain, dead as a nut.[Pg 10] I even dressed it in my best clothes, gave it a name, too, christened it Cyril Davidson.

Walter. My father’s instructions were to make the man I was creating a handsome, good-looking fellow, according to the very best available model. All you’ve got to do is to produce the dead figure and say it’s me. I’ll go away to Brighton; they can’t in common decency marry before the funeral.

Jack. Then it seems you made an electric man. My chief doubt is it won’t be like enough.

(Music. He takes key from pocket, unlocks door of cupboard, and a man in black frock-coat, with black bowler, is seen seated with back to audience.)

Walter. Bell!—that may be my stepmother! (He quickly closes cupboard.) We might go into the other room. I call it my drawing-room, because there is a piano and three gold-fish in a bowl.

Walter. Two or three pounds. (Looks in Jack’s hand.) I’ll take four. (Does so.) Stop, I’ll give you a duplicate key of the cupboard. (Gives key.) The figure has got my black coat on, and I want it for Brighton. When you come back, it will be wearing this one. (Pointing to coat he is wearing.)

(Walter picks up and puts on his brown bowler, goes quickly up, unlocks cupboard, puts key back in pocket, then goes in after saying:)

(He opens door wide, showing figure seated as before, then goes in and the door closes.)

(A loud cry and two thumps, then the cupboard door slowly opens, Automaton puts head out—the actor having had time to change into the black coat before entering as the automaton. It creeps out, not opening the door more than necessary—business, tries to re-open door by hitting it. It wears the black bowler set to one side of head. Comes down C., stiffly, and remarks, “Yow,” then goes up. Mrs. Anderson enters D. in F. with dishes and sets table in recess with back to audience. He goes towards Mrs. Anderson. She starts on seeing his strange manner. He turns and goes across and straight off D. in F., she goes after him.)

[Pg 12]Stella (looking out of window). There he is turning the corner; he has changed his coat.

Jack. Let’s have a proper look at this wonderful thing before the old lady comes.

(They fetch out chair with Walter seated on it and bring it down stage, where they wheel the chair right round so that the stunned Walter faces audience. He is hatless.)

Hullo! there’s Mrs. Everest! (He takes Walter, who has risen, by the arm.) Come with me, sir (leads him to bedroom L.). In there with you, quick!

(Stella meantime has hurried up with the chair and put it in cupboard and closes door.)

Phew! this is the most extraordinary thing! (Hurries down, saying:) Where are the telegraph forms?

(As he snatches them from nail on wall, and sits to write R., Mrs. Anderson enters D. in F. out of breath and with a telegram; she is in process of dressing, her hair being in disorder, and she wears a dressing jacket.)

[Pg 13]Jack (looking at telegram). From Mrs. Everest—“Have missed train, don’t wait lunch—coming by next.” Thank goodness! (To Mrs. Anderson.) I suppose you don’t know where I can find a detective?

Stella. What are you writing? (Takes up one of the telegrams.) “Walter Everest, Ship Hotel, Brighton. Cyril Davidson is living. Come home.”

(Jobbins enters, hat in hand and umbrella under arm; he is a stout man, rather shabbily dressed in tweed, with tweed frock-coat, and has a square-topped bowler.)

Jobbins. My name is Jobbins, sir. (Gives large card.) Private inquiry and detective agent, utmost secrecy and despatch, parties watched, missing relatives traced, divorces ensured.

Jack. This is a very simple matter, Mr. Jobbins. The gentleman who resides here left home suddenly. I want him fetched back at once. (Sits and writes note as:)

Jobbins. Yes, sir (goes up, then returns), where is he? (With notebook open to take notes.)

Jack. When you find him give him this note (closing it and giving it), and send me a wire. (Gives five-pound note.) There is some cash for your expenses.

Jack. Isn’t there a photograph? (Finds one on mantel R.) Here we are. (Gives it.)

Jobbins. I’ll walk about the Brighton streets with this—why, I seen this gent in the public gardens five minutes ago.

Jack (calls out after him). Follow him to Victoria; if you miss him, go right on. (Comes down.) I’ve forgotten these telegrams.

(A very loud peremptory knocking at D.L. Jack listens a moment—it is repeated.)

Jack. Now if I had not known, I should have said that was Walter. The voice was a trifle thick at starting, but now its identical.

Walter. I feel as stupid (he is still half-stunned) as an owl. Where is Stella?

Jack. Knows there’s a devil! I really don’t quite know what to do with you till your creator returns.

Jack. Of course you don’ know your name yet; that is what you were christened, Cyril Davidson, so I call you Cyril Davidson.

Walter. Oh, you do, do you? that’s very clever of you. My mind’s a blank, I can’t remember what happened before I woke up on that chair.

Jack. I wonder what you think of the world now you’ve come into it; what are your general impressions of mankind?

Walter. I can’t see much sense in it myself; however, if it pleases you—I’m going to have some lunch. (Goes up to table in recess.)

Jack (calls up). Mr. Davidson! (No answer.) I’ve made it angry. (Calls.) Mr. Davidson—I say, Davidson—Mr. Cyril Davidson—sir,—oh, it’s in a pet and declines to answer me.

Jack (tears it open). Jobbins is something like a detective. “Just seen Mr. Everest, he is running. Jobbins.”

Walter (at table in alcove, mixing salad). Nothing here but salad! (With beer bottle.) Beer, who wants beer?

Stella. It’s been listening in the cupboard before it lived. (Pause and then asks.) Should we speak to it?

Jack. It’s very bad-tempered, but I daresay it won’t hurt you. (They go up.) I say, Davidson!

(Walter smashes crockery with a beer bottle; they start and come down in fright, then approach again.)

[Pg 17]Walter (turns). Oh, you’ve come back; has Jack told you what he’s playing at?

Walter (as they are staring at him). When you’ve done staring, perhaps you’ll drop this.

Jack. At first I couldn’t, but there is a difference, I begin to see it, a very subtle difference; watch how it moves; aren’t its joints a little stiff and so on?

(Jack in fright falls headlong backwards over sofa L., Stella runs and crouches R., then they rise on knees and wave to pacify him.)

Stella. Oh, please, Mr. Davidson, please don’t be so angry; we are both awfully interested in you and really sorry for you. It must be terrible to be born full grown.

Stella. Of course, you think you’re real, but we know. You’re only a made thing, like a cheese or a pudding.

Walter (hand to head). You honestly say and believe that I am my own invention? (They nod solemnly.)

Jack. Your esteemed creator left home before you began to exist, changed coats and went.

(Enter Mrs. Anderson with telegram D. in F., and gives it. Jack opens it.)

Stella (reading telegram). “Have taken a cab, he’s still running.” What will happen if Mr. Jobbins catches it?

(Coming down, reading:) “He has smashed some more windows, and is still running.”

Jack. “He has just climbed a tall chimney stack marked Bovril, and is now sitting on the top.”

Walter (snatches the wire and reads). “They are fetching a fire escape. He keeps yowling.”

[Pg 19]Walter. Suppose the police get him and think it’s me, I’ll be blamed for all this damned thing. We must catch him. We’ll buy a gag and handcuffs as we go along.

Walter. Because he’s yowling! Stop! Stella must stay in case Mrs. Everest comes. (Calls.) Mrs. Anderson! I want a cab!

(Exit R. to drawing-room and immediately plays and sings “Caressante.”)

(Mrs. Anderson enters D. in F. with a black frock-coat in tailor’s parcel, places it on table R. top end, then sees Automaton and comes out C., to speak.)

Mrs. Anderson. There’s a parcel from the tailoring folks with a message hopering as it were in time.

Mr. Everest have come back, mum; gone in his bedroom, mum; been to the pub.-house again, or I’m much mistook. Pore-young-man!

Stella (crossing to the door). Walter! (Door shuts.) How very polite of you! Are you changing? (Voice off says, “Yow.”) Oh, very well, if you won’t answer me. I’m in the drawing-room all alone!

Automaton (enters L.). Tick-chuck-yow. (Goes up, hits door of cupboard twice.) Chuck-yow-yow.

(Goes to recess, knocks over a chair, hits clock, etc., and goes into china cupboard in recess L. A loud noise of smashing of crockery off. Stella through this is playing and singing same air as before.)

(Walter comes in D. in F., as soon as ever he can, walking quite quietly as contrast to the very quick exit of Automaton. Brown jacket.)

Stella (stops singing a moment to call). I’m not coming! (Resumes song off.)

Walter (takes up parcel). My new coat at last. The moment I get Davidson under lock and key I’m[Pg 21] going to change into this and get away to Brighton. (Puts parcel down.)

Stella (slowly and firmly). I believe you’re right. Now I’ve seen you both I’ll never mistake again.

(They hurriedly look about under furniture, and meet and collide up C., and say, “Oh!” Noise in china cupboard.)

Walter. It’s in the bedroom. Run down to Mrs. Anderson and borrow the very largest blanket.

[Pg 22]Stella, Stella, I’ve locked it in the china cupboard. I don’t want the blanket. (Returns.) Gone in the kitchen, I suppose! (Takes up parcel.) Change my coat at last and get away! (Goes into bedroom L.)

(Jack, carrying blanket of green flannel or red, enters with Stella, who has gag and handcuffs—enter D. in F.)

(Walter makes signs to them, pointing to bedroom and beckoning them to follow him there.)

Jack. Hurrah! we’ve got him now! (Business: secure him with rope round his legs and gag, then take blanket off.) (Walter, gagged, groans.) No more climbing tall chimney stacks! (Walter groans.)

Jack. It will never get the chance of that. (Lighting a candle from mantel R.)

Jack (with pin from waistcoat). I want to see what it will do when I stick this pin in it. (Groan.)

Jack. In the interests of science I’m going to bleed it. (Loud groans.) Give me a carving knife. (Groans.)

(Mrs. Anderson has entered and come down—sees Walter, screams. They start.)

Mrs. Anderson. The gent I does for came down the other stair from the bedroom (pointing L.) and is in the kitchen premises at this here identical period of time.

Jack (bustles Mrs. Anderson to D. in F.). Send Mr. Everest up at once! (Exit Mrs. Anderson.)

(Walter, who has been watching them as well as he could, now pretends to be dead.)

Hullo! I don’t think I’ll want any instruments, it’s passing away! (Business.) Not breathing! (Looks at watch.) It’s eyes are closed. Oh! it’s run down. I believe we’d be quite safe to unbind it. Just help me with this rope. Let it pass away quietly on the[Pg 24] sofa. There is something pathetic even in the death of a doll.

(They unbind Walter and raise him, he opens his eyes and bounds upon Jack—commotion.)

Walter (as Jack looks in L., and Stella looks in R.). I say! (They at once withdraw.) Jack! Stella! (Heads appear again.) I say! Jack! (Heads disappear.) Come out, you bounder! (Heads appear.) Why are you making such idiots of yourselves?

(Automaton comes in D. in F., followed by Mrs. Anderson with a telegram—they both go quickly into drawing-room R.)

[Pg 25]Jack. That’s the piano! (Glass is smashed off R.) That’s the three gold-fish in the bowl!

Mrs. Anderson (off). Oh, help! (She rushes in from R. in a fainting condition and gasps.) Mr. Everest have fell out of the window into the street!

(She gives a loud yell of fright in his face and rushes into bedroom L. Stella hastens after her.)

Walter. There’s going to be no mistake this time, I’m going after it myself. (Exit D. in F.)

(Jobbins enters D. in F., his hat bashed, a black eye, and one arm in a sling. He is in a miserable condition.)

Jack. We must search this house from top to toe. You chase up, I’ll chase down. And if we don’t find him, meet here.

Stella (looks in L.). Jack, she’s getting better—Jack! where are you? (Goes in again.)

Jobbins. Missed him! (Sits L. of R. table). I’ll just make out my little bill.

(Jack and Jobbins bring Walter on between them D. in F., and bring him down C., and Mrs. Anderson enters L.)

Jack (snatches it and reads). From Mrs. Everest—“Potterfield fell out of his dogcart and broke his leg. The wedding is postponed.”

(Stella hides on floor front of sofa L. Mrs. Anderson hides on knees front of table R. Jobbins stands by clock against wall up L. Jack sets cupboard door open with chair against it and then goes and stands in recess to R., side of same, and Walter goes off to hide behind the curtain of recess L., side where there is a secret exit, so that he at once comes on as Automaton from the china cupboard.)

(A man’s hand holds out the curtain behind which Walter is supposed to be hiding. Dying scene for Automaton. Jerky business, frightens Jobbins who crouches back from it, then goes C., stoops and grows faint, has a spasm of strength and hurries to table R., frightening Mrs. Anderson, who gets under table. It then leans dying against table, then has a[Pg 27] fresh spasm, hurrying across to Stella, who lies away from it on floor to avoid it.)

(Then up to cupboard door, which Jack set open with a chair. Automaton dies with back to inside of door, pushing the chair clear of it in his spasm, business, finally shutting himself in as he collapses by letting the door close after him.)

(Walter comes out from behind curtain L. and down to Stella C., takes her in his arms.)

Walter. It’s Walter this time, and if you want proof, open the cupboard and you’ll find all that remains of

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Walter Everest and The Electric Man	Mr. Harry Nicholls.
Dr. Jack Strange, a young physician, his friend	Mr. Loring Fernie.
Stella, Jack’s sister, Walter’s fiancée	Miss Fitzgerald.
Mrs. Anderson, his landlady	Miss Nellie Dade.
Jobbins, a private detective and inquiry agent	Mr. Thorpe Tracey.

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THE ELECTRIC MAN

THE ELECTRIC MAN

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