The Project Gutenberg eBook of Blunders in behaviour corrected

This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

Title: Blunders in behaviour corrected

A concise code of deportment for both sexes

Author: An observer of men and things

Release date: January 26, 2026 [eBook #77781]

Language: English

Original publication: London: Groombridge & Sons, 1855

Credits: Tim Miller, Daniel Lowe, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from scanned images of public domain material from the Google Books project.)

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BLUNDERS IN BEHAVIOUR CORRECTED ***

BLUNDERS IN BEHAVIOUR

CORRECTED;

A Concise Code of Deportment for Both Sexes.

BY

AN OBSERVER OF MEN AND THINGS.

“It is a man’s manners that make his fortune.”—CORNELIUS NEPOS.

LONDON:

GROOMBRIDGE & SONS, 5, PATERNOSTER ROW.

1855.

INTRODUCTION.

BOOKS on Etiquette generally confine their attention to the usages of exclusively fashionable life, and are useful only in forming the habits of youth, or those who, suddenly elevated to a status higher than their natural reach, wish to adapt themselves to a kind of society to which they are more frequently allured by vanity than sense; for there is nothing more really hollow than the life termed par-excellence FASHIONABLE. The middle ranks of life are acknowledged to be most tinctured with virtue, manliness, and religious feeling; for the vanities of wealth, and the debasements of poverty, are alike destructive of that uprightness of heart which civilization professes to insure. Not but that there are many estimable personages to be found in the highest walks of fashion and distinction; and many, aye, more than would be believed, who adorn the rugged paths of penury with the noblest examples of gentleness of manners and moral rectitude. Still, between these two extremes, what an enormous mass of individuals we find, who, immured in trade, hurried along in the anxieties of commercial life, find but few opportunities for the acquisition of the higher kinds of knowledge, and the refining usages which rob life of its harshness, and soften the heart in its communion with the world. Here we find the deficiencies of good-breeding mostly manifested; and here, too, the most laudable desire prevails for the attainment of those polishing touches which make us more congenial in our social intercourse, and which, by giving our better feelings their proper shape, by moulding our sentiments into elegance of expression, help us to resist all temptations to petty dealing, and even to check vice by making it unfashionable. Virtue and religion are not only compatible with elegance of manners, but are strengthened in their exercise by them; and every man who is not a misanthropist, every woman who is not a nun, must feel the necessity of attention to forms and usages, and to those elegancies of manner which characterize good-nature and uprightness of heart as much as they do a fashionable education. Politeness is as essential to the man of business as to the haunter of gaming-tables and west-end saloons; it is even more so to remove that reproach against trading influences in which the wealthy so often indulge. Good feeling is not improved by roughness of manner, nor is hospitality heightened by a negligent display. Friendship is more acceptable when its salutations and kindly offices are well-timed; and religion herself delights to be clothed in vestments of elegance and purity. Every man must account it a boon to enjoy admission to the best society, to mingle with those who, by learning, by polite accomplishments, and by the exercise of philanthropic and moral feelings, have lifted their lives out of the dull round of days and hours into a region of social sunshine; and none would willingly mar the perfection of such circles by carrying boorish manners into their midst, or destroy his enjoyment by the exhibition of an inaptitude to elegant society; nay, elegance should go with us to our homes; we should exercise politeness at the fireside to our wives, our husbands, our children, and our kindred generally, and not keep our good-manners exclusively as articles of exhibition to strangers. Many heart-burnings, many foolish indulgences in temper, many unkind words and deeds would thus be avoided; and while elegance of manner served frequently to check us in the pursuit of wrong, it would often prompt us to the culture of goodness, so long as we maintained that necessary distinction between the refinement of the heart and the mere outside show of feigned courtesy. Such hints as are offered here are intended to help in this direction, and are addressed to such as have not had the advantage of polite education and example in youth, and who may have formed their habits under adverse circumstances, and are not too vain of them to seek for improvement.

BLUNDERS IN BEHAVIOUR CORRECTED.

ABSENCE OF MIND.—Chesterfield, in his “Advice to his Son,” justly characterises an absent man as unfit for business or conversation. Absence of mind is usually affected, and springs in most cases from a desire to be thought abstracted in profound contemplations. The world, however, gives a man no credit for vast ideas who exhibits absence when he should be attentive, even to trifles. The world is right in this, and I would implore every studious youth to forget that he is studious when he enters company. I have seen many a man, who would have made a bright character otherwise, affect a foolish reserve, remove himself as far from others as possible, and in a mixed assembly, where social prattle or sincere conversation enlivened the hearts of the company, sit by himself abstracted in a book. It is foolish, and, what is worse for the absentee, it looks so. A hint on this subject is sufficient, and we do hint, that abstractedness of manner should never be exhibited; the greatest geniuses have ever been attentive to trifles when it so behoved them.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS are by some considered too trifling for their attention, but no person desirous of the enjoyments of social life can spurn them without paying the penalty. Men of business are frequently denied the leisure necessary to render themselves moderately proficient in continental languages, music, dancing, and the arts of pleasing. Yet such things are essential, and add very much to our enjoyments; they tend to refine the nature, and form links of connection between persons of all ages, sexes, and dispositions. It is our duty to encourage everything of a refining nature, so long as we lose in the pursuit none of the solid excellencies of character; and, by a proper attention to such things, we insure for ourselves reception in quarters where we should be obnoxious without them. These acquisitions are equally important to both sexes, though those of the masculine gender are most guilty of the blunder of setting them at nought.

AFFECTATION is more prevalent than people care to own. Ladies are terribly given to this folly. One affects not to know the colour of money, unless it be pin-money, and then her wits are unusually sharp. Another is so fashionable in her tastes, that she thinks it elegant to take no interest in her husband’s affairs; so that whether he prosper or fail in life seems all the same to her. I know a lady who has lately adopted the affectation of ignorance—a strange kind of affectation certainly. If she should hear a remark from a scientific man, in explanation of some curious natural phenomenon, she will toss her head aside and, with a benign but unmeaning smile, say, “Indeed! I don’t understand such things.” We do not seek for blue-stockings, but really we cannot do without common sense; and the pride of ignorance, whether it be fashionable or not, must be looked upon as a blunder of tremendous import. The affectation of superior wisdom is equally objectionable. If a person tells you something you already know, you are not to inform him in the middle of his story that you know it already. It is a mark of a most vulgar mind to parade your knowledge on any occasion, or seek repute in society as a person of great attainments. Some ardent young students are apt to interlard their conversation with scientific terms and explanations, and with quotations innumerable from out-of-the-way books. Such things are well enough in moderation; but if not tempered as to time and place, stamp the individual as conceited. I knew a man who, in every respect but one, was a model of deportment and sound sense; but in the one blunder of which he was guilty he managed, on every possible occasion, to mar the esteem in which he was everywhere held. He was a profound chemist, and on all subjects ready and well informed, but he introduced chemistry into his conversation so frequently, and soared to such etherial heights in his theoretic speculations, that his presence was at last dreaded. The ladies looked at him in awe, the frivolous young men jeered and tittered, and he was known at last by the sobriquet of the “Oxygen Nuisance.” But though few persons carry their conceit so far as this, too many of us are weak enough to think that what we especially delight in must prove equally acceptable to all we meet; and affectation, in this respect, must be guarded against by all who desire to conduct themselves in society so as to be respected and esteemed.

Affectation of superiority is worse still, because it galls the feelings of those to whom it is offered. In company with an inferior, never let him feel his inferiority. An employer, who invites his confidential clerk to his house, should treat him in every way the same as his most distinguished guest. No reference to business should be made, and anything in the shape of command avoided. It is very easy by a look, a word, the mode of reception, or otherwise, to advertise to the other guests, “This is my clerk,” or, “The person I now treat as a guest was yesterday labouring in my service;” but such a thing would lower the host more than it would annoy the guest. Before Burns had arrived at his high popularity, he was once invited by some puffed up lairds to dine, in order that they might have the gratification of hearing the poet sing one of his own songs. Burns was shown into the servants’ hall, and left to dine with the menials. After dinner he was invited to the drawing-room, and, a glass of wine being handed to him, requested to sing one of his own songs. He immediately gave his entertainers that thrilling assertion of independence, “A man’s a man for a’ that,” and left the moment he had finished, his heart embittered at patronage offered in a manner so insulting to his poverty.

If you take pains to mortify a man, to make him feel that he occupies an inferior station, that he stands below you in abilities, rank, or fortune, you offer him an insult, which, though he may be too much of a gentleman to resent, nevertheless he is sure to feel, and for which none of your kindnesses are a compensation. An inferior is even entitled to superior attention, that he may not have even the fear of being slighted; and, above all things, that he have sufficient confidence in himself, to mingle freely in conversation. True politeness consists in making everybody happy about you, and to do otherwise a proof of an uncultivated nature.

AFFRONTS are to be borne more patiently than we are wont to bear them. To resent an affront is usually wrong, and for these reasons:—We are not always sure that an affront was intended, in which case resentment must be built upon error. We are not to carry in our breasts remembrance of every wrong, for we know not how many we ourselves unconsciously commit on others. If we cannot bear with trifling annoyances we must shun human society altogether, for it is a mixture of such with gratifications. Nature gives us corn with the chaff on, and in men she presents us with some paltry characters which we must tolerate. Besides, to take notice of every trifling annoyance shows too great a study of trifles, quite apart from the dignified bearing of gentlemanly conduct. Do not notice every offence, and you will not have many to trouble you.

BALL ROOM.—Everybody knows it is a blunder to enter a ball room with the head covered; but everybody does not know that it is equally so to enter immediately after smoking, when every lady you speak to must put up with the Stygian fumes of your tainted breath. As to the elegancies of salutation, address, and so forth, every person who enters a ball room must be sufficiently prepared beforehand, by having mingled in genteel society; such things cannot be taught in words. Those who can dance know all the forms of ball room courtesy; but these are apt to commit blunders unless they study to please. Those unused to the ball room should enter it with confidence, seek a partner, and after one or two dances leave. After leading your partner to a seat leave her, but not abruptly; if you burden her with your society she may fail in getting another partner. Young men, who have not had much experience in polite circles, are sometimes so enamoured of a lady, after one or two dances, as to continue their companionship throughout the evening. This is a great error; you seek a partner for the dance only, and not for companionship and conversation. Do not lounge about the seats as a looker on, or you will be counted a bore. Should a lady express a wish not to dance, it is unpolite to press her; and it is equally unpolite to look after a certain lady as a partner, to haunt her, as it were, when perhaps she may not have the same desire to dance with you that you have for her. When a lady has engaged to dance with you, you are not to afflict her with your society as a matter of course; indeed, to sit with your partner for any length of time is a mark of ill-breeding. It is the thorough mingling of persons one with another that constitutes the charm of the ball room, and cliques and conversations are to be avoided. Relatives and lovers should associate as little as possible in the dance; and a man should but seldom, except in very homely parties, dance with his wife. Greetings in the ball room should be quietly performed, so as not to attract attention.

Ladies are generally au fait in ball room etiquette; but having once or twice seen a lady rambling in the room by herself, I will here hint, for the benefit of my fair readers, that a lady should not leave her seat to cross the room, or speak to a friend, unless accompanied by a gentleman. A little observation, and a modest confidence, will enable any person to acquire ease and elegance in parties where dancing is going on.

BUTTON-HOLDING.—Chesterfield inveighs against holding a man by the button, “for if people are not willing to hear you, you had much better hold your tongue than them.” Button-holding is not a common vice, but pointing, nudging, hitting a man in the side with your fist, or giving him a kick of recognition under the table, are too common not to be noticed here as terrible breaches of deportment. Significant looks and gestures are equally objectionable, and must be avoided by all who desire to soar above positive vulgarity. I have often been annoyed by hearing a friend discourse on some person’s failings or excellencies, the person referred to being known only to the speaker. It is a bad rule to talk of persons at all, but more especially if the person spoken of is not known to all the listeners.

CALLS.—When you call on a friend and do not find him at home, leave your card, your name will not be sufficient. After having made a call, it is the duty of your acquaintance to return it; and unless it be returned (peculiar circumstances being allowed for) you must not call again, but infer that he wishes to drop your acquaintance. This, indeed, is a safe mode of breaking off an acquaintance, and this is the mode adopted in polite society. No one complains, but the thing is silently dropped. In making morning calls, you are not to stay above ten or fifteen minutes, and during the whole time you are to keep your hat in your hand, and not part with it for a moment. This custom seems ridiculous at first sight, but, like most ceremonies, has a good meaning in it. By holding your hat you indicate that you are about to leave, and do not expect an invitation to dinner; while, if your host wishes you to stay, he will beg you to be relieved of the incumbrance. It is a ruinous practice to make a call anywhere at the hour of dinner. You may, perhaps, be invited to sit down, but if the thing be repeated, your acquaintance will be unwelcome. This would scarcely seem worth mentioning, but the practice prevails a good deal, and is a blunder to be guarded against.

CHILDREN.—Almost every parent commits the blunder of making too much of his children in the presence of visitors. It is very pardonable in fond mothers, but papas are the most subject to make themselves ridiculous on this score. Remember the old motto about regarding your geese as swans, and do not thrust your children on your visitors as prodigies of beauty, eccentricity, and excellence. The other extreme is just as bad; and to thrust your children from the room, or to treat them harshly in the presence of others, makes you look as if you were ashamed of them. Still, as a rule, children should not be obtruded on the attention of visitors, or made to exhibit their parts to those who feel compelled to praise even in spite of disapprobation. My friend R—— often burdens me with anecdotes of his boy’s roguery, and this in presence of the boy himself. Whereupon the child, fired with parental approval, begins to pinch and pummel me, much to my annoyance; though I can bear this better than I can to hear my friend talk of his son’s musical predilections, which always lead the youngster to a sham pianoforte performance with his fingers on the table, or to the humming of some tune in a tone loud enough to stop all conversation.

CLEANLINESS of person is a distinguishing trait of every well-bred person; and this not on state occasions only, but at all times, even at home. It is a folly to sit by the fire in a slovenly state, consoling oneself with the remark, “Nobody will call to-day.” Should somebody call we are in no plight to receive them, and otherwise it is an injury to the character to allow slovenly habits to control us even when we are unseen.

COMMANDS should never be given in a commanding tone. A gentleman requests, he does not command. We are not to assume so much importance, whatever our station, as to give orders in the “imperative mood,” nor are we ever justified in thrusting the consciousness of servitude on any one. The blunder of commanding sternly is most frequently committed by those who have themselves but just escaped servitude, and we should not exhibit to others a weakness so unbecoming.

CONTROL OF TEMPER.—It is very unbecoming to exhibit petulance, or angry feeling, though it is indulged in so largely in almost every circle. The true gentleman does not suffer his countenance to be easily ruffled; and we only look paltry when we suffer temper to hurry us into ill-judged expressions of feeling. “He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly.”

CONVERSATION ranks the highest among social enjoyments. To converse well requires extensive knowledge, elegance of manner, command of temper, and a desire to please. He who cannot converse to the profit of the company, must listen for the profit of himself; though no one need preserve a stolid silence from excessive bashfulness or conscious inability. The smallest remark may be well-timed and elegantly uttered; the lightest observation properly pointed and emphasised, and the most trivial question put with modesty, grace, and elegance of expression. Yet, in middle-class society, how little really good conversation do we hear? How frequently personalities creep in; how one gives way to undue warmth when his religious and political principles are assailed; how another jests and puns upon the most serious subjects; or a third plays the pedant by the use of a string of technicalities, which he himself scarcely understands, to adorn his shallow learning and his imperfect judgment. Of that shallow talk in which the fast-going men of the day indulge—a drawling mixture of the quasi-fashionable and the idiotic—we do not speak at all, for it is not conversation but slow prattle, too tinctured with the germs of vice to be childish, but too silly for the utterance of men. We speak of what bears the name of conversation amongst the reading and thinking portion of middle-class society, which is to be heard at social gatherings, at quiet dinner parties, and by the family tea-table. The conversation in these quarters is not equal to the personages; they are apt to descend below themselves for the sake of displaying incipient wit, imperfect knowledge, execrable powers of criticism, or for the achievement of some petty conquest in argument. Pity that many good societies should be marred by unbridled and untamed tongues. Pity that conversation is not everywhere made a matter of study, that men will not exercise as much care in speaking their thoughts as they do in writing them.

Among the most glaring social blunders to be noticed under this head are, talking too much of ourselves. This is a blunder very commonly committed, and is as much a mark of vanity as want of sense. Really great men have never said much of themselves, therefore we may infer, by the converse argument, that he who indulges in talking of himself must be a really small man. In the whole of Shakspere’s plays and poems you do not gather enough of the poet’s history to settle definitely the question whether he was lame or not, or even to fix, with any certainty, his opinions on political and religious subjects. He who talks much of himself is also apt to tell of the injuries he has sustained. This is a very common blunder, but a most unpardonable one. It is undignified to carry our woes about with us, and retail them out to others, saying how such-a-one has cheated us of money, how another has offered us an insult, and so on. If you cannot say something cheerful to your friend, keep at a distance, and let him enjoy at peace his own cogitations. What are your affairs to other people? keep your own counsel, and be not too ready to make confidants.

If you are not to talk of yourself freely, so are you not to talk freely of others. I regret to have to confess here, that scandal, in some shape or other, is the bane of our English society, and needs as severe lashing now-a-days as it did when Sheridan wrote his wonderful comedy. Though when these pages meet the reader’s eye he will perhaps be unwilling to own it, but I will still insist, that both sexes are universally addicted to this vice in some form or other; and that it is sheer vanity, or perhaps even shame, which prompts men to make the charge of scandal against females, while they repudiate any share in the guilt themselves. The shapes scandal takes are so numerous, that it is impossible here to attempt to define them. Let the reader reflect on this, and ask himself whether he has ever indulged in scandal, even in a mild form. Let my lady friends, too, ponder awhile, and next time they find the tongue running away in condemnation of an absent friend, sister, or brother, or in severe criticism on such and such a person’s conduct, take the assurance that such conduct is unkind, unfair, mean, paltry, ungenteel. The quiet, half-expressed sneer is still more detestable, for it is more injurious, more insidious in its operation, more secret in its manner, and hence more discreditable to the utterer. A person who indulges in depreciatory remarks, insinuations, sneers, and the like, no matter though he thinks he has good grounds for them, is like the viper, which steals noiselessly on its unsuspecting victim, gives its sting in silence, and disappears. To slander, in plain terms, is better than to hint and insinuate, but both are evidences of a mean and contemptible mind.

Contradictions are usually given too abruptly, and sometimes lead to wrangling, or if not noticed by the parties receiving them, are still apt to rankle and annoy secretly, and destroy the harmony which ought to prevail in an assembly of friends. It is equally absurd to make bets or to strengthen a statement or argument by an offer of a bet in support of it. Such things are worthy only of the lowest rabble, and no man making pretensions to the status of a gentleman should descend to it. Oaths of all kinds are as ungentlemanly as they are wicked; and the frequent use of the condemnatory oath as verb, adjective, and noun, both immoral and degrading.

There are some men, of respectable position and pretensions, who are so barren of general intelligence that they can talk of nothing except their own business affairs. Such men are very worthless in social society, and we conjure the reader at all times to steer clear of conduct which so readily indicates vulgarity and emptiness. A tradesman will perhaps sit down at your table, and endeavour to entertain you with an account of sales and purchases; anon comes a thin-minded solicitor’s clerk, who brings with him a string of appeals and motions; then an incipient author, who tells you of the immense mass of verses he has written for the behoof of cheesemongers and trunkmakers; and, to wind up, a portly widow repeats for the hundredth time the story of her troubles, her husband’s failure and death, and her present endeavours to establish a little business in the millinery way. Those who sit in such a company, and withhold, for decency’s sake, the story of their own affairs, find that the evening has been utterly wasted, for not one spark of general intelligence, not one item of general information, not one coruscation of original humour has illuminated the dull round of these many wasted hours. I would sooner console myself with a newspaper, and read the list of bankruptcies and suicides, than listen to a man who indulged in descriptions of his own skill in trade, his losses and profits, or the thousand and one trifles which we all have to consider and remember, but which are of no interest to any but ourselves.

The affectation of wisdom is a very common vice amongst pseudo-students. For instance, Mr. Smallweed, who is really a well-informed man, is so conceited in this respect that he cannot, when the subject of the conversation affords him opportunity, avoid interlarding his remarks with technicalities and remote allusions. He would not speak of finches or whales but under the Cuvierian terms of Fringillidæ or Cetacæ, or refer to the Canadian columbine, or the field pimpernel, but under their botanical names of Aquilegia Canadensis or Anagallis arvensis. Such terms are neither elegant nor appropriate in mixed society; and so far from causing the ladies to look up in astonishment at the profound learning of the speaker—an effect usually intended and wished for—they are more likely to indulge in a sly titter, and vote his hard words a bother. This is the “little learning” which Bacon terms “a dangerous thing” and must be avoided by those who would cultivate good-breeding, which is always more allied to simplicity of expression, and transparency of conduct, than to complicated technicalities, or dark mysterious doings. Another fault of Mr. Smallweed is, that he never pays proper attention to another speaker; the music of his own voice is too great a charm for him, and he thinks it must have a very siren-like tone to others; so he rambles on till some wag asks him if he has a dictionary with him, when he drops into sulkiness, looks black, and is quieted for a time. While upon Mr. Smallweed’s failings, let me refer to his habitual mode of referring to other persons, for this fault of his is very common to the civilized specimen of (to use his phrase) the anthropological animal. For instance, instead of saying, “My friend, Mr. Simpson, told me so-and-so,” he invariably says, “Simpson told me so-and-so,” or, “Longman’s are the publishers of So-and-so’s book.” A gentleman never drops the “Mr.,” or the “Messieurs,” the “Dr.,” the “Professor,” or any other title or mode of address to which persons are entitled. It is ungentlemanly to speak of “Bulwer’s last novel,” or “the new edition of Gill’s Commentary.” We should say, “Sir Edward Lytton Bulwer,” and “Dr. Gill,” and not abbreviate, as if a respectful mention of a person cost us more breath than he is worth.

A few short rules for conversation may here be useful; and I offer them in the fewest words possible, because I think that for those who wish to cultivate a polite bearing, and conserve the good feeling which usually accompanies gentlemanly conduct, a hint is alone sufficient.

1. Do not talk too long together, for fear of tiring your hearers, and so as to afford others an opportunity of talking also. 2. Watch your listeners to be sure that they are interested, and if they appear not to be, allow the conversation to take its own shape in some other channel. 3. If you observe a person about to make a remark, give him the opportunity by pausing and assuming an attentive and expectant countenance. 4. If you tell stories let them be short, pointed, appropriate, and without digression. 5. Avoid repetitions and hackneyed phrases. 6. Use as few gestures as possible; on a Frenchman gestures and grimaces set very well, because they are natural to the people, but the English gentleman seldom indulges in pantomime, and never in mimicry. 7. Exercise your skill as a listener occasionally, and listen attentively and with appreciation. If you are a listener by nature, and hence not a talker, do not suffer yourself to become habitually dumb, or your society will be seldom acceptable. 8. Never anticipate a slow speaker, and avoid correcting another in his pronunciation. Friends, on very familiar terms, may correct each other occasionally, but not in the presence of a third party, and always in a quiet and respectful manner. 9. Do not give advice unasked. 10. Give a speaker respectful attention and look him in the face while speaking. 11. Be not too free in speaking your mind; remember that your mind may not be always right, and frankness of speech is not to be commended when its conclusions are built up by unsound reasoning on incorrect data; besides, by plain speaking you may frequently wound a sensitive person, and one, too, having quite as noble views of things as yourself. People who pride themselves on speaking their minds are generally very vain of their opinions, and forgetful of the old motto as to the good intentions with which a certain place is said to be paved. 12. Never burden ladies with arguments. They are very wise in dreading them as they do. 13. Treat females as becomes them, and indulge none of those vanities, so prevalent at the present day, of regarding women as inferior beings. 14. Swearing, coarse jokes, indecent anecdotes, slang phrases, and personal allusions are very common, but not the less unprofitable, unreasonable, ungentlemanly, low, and reprehensible. Avoid them; they are the puddles of the mind, in which the more we dabble the more we are soiled, degraded, and lessened in the esteem both of others and ourselves.

DINING OUT.—When entering where you are invited to dine make your obeisance to the lady of the house, and do not consider yourself a guest until you have seen her. In leading a lady down stairs do not rush forward and perform the task clumsily. In going down the lady should have the widest side, supposing the stair to have a wide and narrow side, as is the case with winding staircases. But it is better to take the wrong side at once than stand perplexed, or to change sides after once having given a lady your arm. The rule is for the lady you take down to sit on your right hand; but when you take down the hostess you should sit on her right hand—namely, in the seat of honour. Of course every guest cannot enjoy this privilege, hence, where there are many invited, the host either assigns her to some favoured guest, or the most elderly gentleman, or party of highest rank, assumes the office. It is always better for the host to request some person, whom he considers his chief guest, to take down the lady of the house. The other ladies are paired off in the same manner by the host, whose duty it is to arrange the company so that they may sit in comfort at the meal. The host himself selects the chief lady visitor, and leads her off first. The hostess sees all down before leaving, therefore, if you are to escort her, allow her time to usher her guests away. A stickler for etiquette, in writing on this subject, says—

“A custom, lately come in, seems to be deservedly gaining ground: instead of sitting at the top and bottom of the table, the host and hostess sit opposite each other at the middle; by which means they are more at ease, more in the centre of their guests, and better able to communicate with each other. George IV. adopted this practice twenty years ago: it is followed by the present queen. According to this arrangement, two persons can be accommodated at each end of the table—not a bad point where there is limited accommodation.

“A dinner party usually lasts four hours. If you go at six, you may order your carriage at ten; if at seven, it may come at eleven; and so on. What dinner hours are by-and-bye to come to I cannot tell. Not many years ago, dinner at five o’clock was thought mighty genteel; then we had half-past five; next came six, and six and a-half—both of which are now general; but seven is also far from uncommon. That the fashionable dinner hour will be pushed on to eight, to nine, or to ten, is what we may reasonably expect. When it comes to this pass, will dinner bound back to its ancient hours, or will it be extinguished as a formal meal?”

Fashion runs mad occasionally, and it has lately done so in thrusting the task of carving on ladies. This must be regarded as a blunder we should hope soon to be corrected. The task of carving is no light one—it is really a masculine operation, and utterly inappropriate for the style of ladies’ dresses, manners, and manual weakness. What fashion insists on, in this respect, common sense must condemn.

You must make yourself as useful as possible at the dinner-table, and be attentive in supplying the wants of others, especially ladies, but avoid obtruding your services. Reaching across the table is very vulgar, as it is also to indulge any peculiarities of appetite, such as eating condiments with dishes with which they are not usually accompanied. I knew an elderly gentleman who always insisted on having mustard with his pastry, so that when his favourite condiment had been removed it had to be brought back for him, causing considerable disturbance. Good sense will dictate to a person rather to refrain from eating a particular dish than disarrange the table in order to gratify an eccentric whim.

To eat quick, or very slow, are marks of ill-breeding; and to put your nose in your plate, or emit that peculiar bubbling sound, which some indulge in when imbibing soup, vulgar and obnoxious. Coughing and sneezing are not always to be avoided, but much may be done to conserve elegance and propriety at dinner in checking these and other infirmities.

It is very painful to see a joint carved ungracefully, but nothing but practice will enable you to carve well. Novices in life have a great dread of carving poultry, but it is a less difficult operation than is usually imagined; and I would advise my readers to practice at home, and acquire ease in such duties before incurring the responsibility at a friend’s table. It is better to request some one near you to carve a fowl than to run the risk of spoiling the bird, and at the same time bespattering some lady’s dress with the gravy. But guard against bashfulness in such matters; do with confidence whatever you feel you can do well, or you will endanger the comfort of yourself and others.

DINING AT HOME.—When you invite several friends to dine with you have your dinner ready within a short time after the hour named, but not punctually to a moment, that any who have not arrived may not feel slighted at your having commenced dinner. Do not invite, at the same time, persons who are not on terms with each other, though it is a delicate matter, always, to take into consideration other people’s differences. Among kindred it is often advisable to pursue an opposite course—for many a friendship, among relatives, is renewed at another table, where petty differences are, of course, to be forgotten. Study the tastes of your guests; and if there is any particular dish which your visitors will prefer, set it before them, and with the remark, “I think I noticed you to prefer this or that;” or, “I think you are partial to so-and-so, I therefore obtained it for you.” If you go out of your way to humour your friend you are not to be too modest to let him know it, though you are not to exaggerate your attention, and make him feel that you burden him with attentions.

DRINKING HEALTHS has happily gone out of fashion. Except in bachelor’s parties, where a few old-school notions are preserved, it is considered very unpolite to give toasts and healths.

DISPUTES lead to discord; and a man fond of disputation soon gets the repute of a quibbler. Objections may be politely taken without involving the objector in a controversy. The polite man avoids anything which may lead to a protracted debate.

DRESS.—The hostess should be particularly careful not to outshine her guests. I have seen many instances where ladies, fond of dress (and what lady is not fond of dress), and conscious that it is unbecoming to dress to excess when visitors are invited, yet so unable to restrain the desire of display, have made the whole of her guests look shabby, by the contrast of her own gay colours. To dress meanly is a mark of disrespect to the company, but it is equally so to make a very gay appearance. If you make a grand display yourself you are apt to appear as if you wished to parade your appearance, and it is always safer to be under than over the mark. In going out consider the sort of company you are likely to meet, and endeavour to assimilate to them as much as possible—for to make a great display elsewhere is an evidence of bad taste. But here, if you miss the happy medium, dress above the mark rather than below it, for you may dress more out of doors than you may at home. Where dancing is expected to take place no one should go without new kid gloves; nothing is so revolting as to see one person in an assembly ungloved, especially where the heat of the room, and the exercise together, are sure to make the hands redder than usual. Gentlemen seldom indulge in gaudy or light colours; but quasi-gentlemen do blaze a little in this way, and carry their character with them accordingly. The abolition of the white neckcloth is, in my opinion, to be regretted; still, fashion has declared it shall be used no longer, and at the most recherche assemblies the gentlemen all wear black stocks or neckerchiefs.

ECCENTRICITIES should never be indulged away from home. They are rather the tokens of vanity, than the evidences of peculiar idiosyncracies. An eccentric man is always dreaded; and though the world has been indulgent, in this respect, to a few great geniuses, it is usually very harsh on the matter to ordinary mortals. Besides, no man was ever great by virtue of his peculiarities, but in spite of them.

EXCESSES.—It is very common to see persons eat, drink, and smoke to excess. Such habits are vulgar in the lowest degree. Some men pride themselves on their abilities in drinking and smoking—more especially in the latter. These are blunders that need no reasoning to expose them. The man who exhibits a tendency to excesses will, sooner or later, be shunned by all except a few of his own stamp, and not even by them be respected. Guard against excess in all things, as neither gentlemanly nor human.

ENGAGEMENTS.—Some time ago it was fashionable for parties to arrive some time after the appointed hour. Fashion now insists on punctuality—and therein fashion is right. The unpunctual can never lay claim to gentility.

FAMILIARITY.—Too ready an adoption of familiarity is to be guarded against; and it is a blunder very frequently made for a person to consider himself on terms of intimacy with another after one pleasant conversation with him. You may be delighted with a man the first time you hear him discourse, but you are not, therefore, to consider yourself his intimate friend. Eminent literary men, who usually entertain the company vastly wherever they go, and whose society is much sought after, are especially apt to be annoyed by the ready familiarity of persons, of whom they know nothing more than that, on some previous occasion, they met at dinner. I remember a case in point:—A person of not very bright parts or fashionable associations, met for the first time an eminent writer, Mr. C—— D——. Delighted by his conversation, and assured by his affability, this person got up a party expressly to invite Mr. C—— D——, and possibly, also, to display him to his friends as an intimate acquaintance. The other saw through the trick the moment the invitation arrived, and at once accepted it. The evening came, then the guests, and lastly Mr. C—— D——. All eyes were fixed on him—he was as attractive as a prize ox. All ears were attentive, and the happy moment, when he should begin to talk, waited for with many heart-beatings. But he was too deep for them; he sat for hours, drank coffee, wine, answered a few questions, but otherwise spoke not a word. The whole affair was a miserable failure, and Mr. C—— D—— went away, satisfied, no doubt, in having inflicted a merited punishment on ill-judged familiarity, and perhaps resolved to tell the story some day, better than I have done, in one of his inimitable works.

FAVOURS are to be offered without show of patronage, and accepted without servile gratitude. Not to acknowledge a favour gracefully is unpardonable, but to load the donor with sickly gratitude a blunder most abominable.

FIDGETTING.—Very many people, who have acquired fidgetty ways, carry them wherever they go to the annoyance of all who meet them. I once had a visitor who nibbled up a whole bundle of cigar lights in the course of an evening, and while so engaged with his fingers and teeth, rubbed a hole with his foot in a new Brussels carpet. Shifting about in a chair, putting the legs now on the fender, now under the table, scratching at pimples, biting the lip, &c., are fidgetty actions, destructive of a polite bearing.

FRIENDSHIP AND ACQUAINTANCE are to be distinguished from each other in worldly affairs. Acquaintances sometimes become the depositories of secrets which should be even guardedly told to friends. Be wary how you treat a mere acquaintance, that you do not place your affairs in his hands, and on the slightest rupture regret having reposed in him too much confidence. Acquaintances made at convivial meetings are generally as hollow as the meetings themselves. Under the temptations of hospitality men confide in each other more than wisdom would dictate, and the “evening’s diversions” do not always “bear the morning’s reflections.”

HOMELY PARTIES.—There is a class of recreation that cannot be too much praised, and which people, in middle class life, are very apt in making as nearly perfect as possible. These are Christmas gatherings, birthday and other feasts, and friendly tea-drinkings, where comfort and hospitality reign above fashion. Yet, though fashionable arrangements do not extensively prevail in these, what we hint at, as necessary in social gatherings of a higher kind, is not to be neglected here. Politeness of manner, affability of temper, decorum, and proper taste in dress are things to be considered; for though you are not required to observe strictly fashionable rules, but to enjoy yourself in body and mind, much of the comfort depends on the observance of trifles; and we advise all who love these unpretending entertainments to study their behaviour as much in these cases as they would for more fashionable assemblies. Ease should be preferred to starched formality, but boorishness should not disgrace the familiarity which is offered by the host, and expected from the guest.

HOSPITALITY goes hand in hand with politeness. When you invite friends do not treat your own invitation so lightly that it shall appear you do not value your company. Study to please and to afford enjoyment, and, in a modest manner, let your guests see that you do study them, and their pleasure will be enhanced.

HURRY.—A man of sense never exhibits haste. A thing done in a hurry is not likely to be well done. Some men of business pride themselves on being always pressed for time, they think it displays activity of mind; but, on the contrary, it exhibits weakness and vulgar breeding. Ease of action does not imply sluggishness of mind, nor does undue haste betoken importance.

IMITATION.—There are few who can resist the tendency of human nature to imitate. Let one young man of a group take to swearing, and the rest of his juvenile friends will immediately follow the practice. I have known the style of conversation, in a complete circle of acquaintance, to be changed by the peculiarities of one of its members; impressed with those peculiarities, the rest have set about apeing him to the best of their poor abilities, and succeeded in making themselves ridiculous. There is a passage in Shirley Hibberd’s story of “Cloribel,” which we would offer here as a motto for every sensible youth, “Be thyself and none other, and we will love thee, whatsoe’er thou art.” Imitate the perfections, not the vices, the excellencies rather than the blemishes of a man; but preserve your individuality as far as you are able.

INTRODUCTIONS should be performed with great grace and judgment. Be careful, too, whom you introduce; I have seen more than one friend ruined by an ill-judged introduction. It is a common blunder to introduce persons in the street. If you meet an acquaintance when you have a friend on your arm, bow and pass on with a “good day,” or similar greeting, unless there be special reasons for halting. We only reprobate street introductions as a rule. There are exceptions to that as to all rules. We have once or twice been mortified by a sudden introduction on a door-step. Consider time and place. It is necessary, too, in most cases, to ask permission of a friend before you introduce him to another; and a lady must be introduced to a gentleman, not a gentleman to a lady.

INVITATIONS.—The writer from whom we have already quoted, says on this subject, “When you ask a person to dinner, let it, if possible, be done a week or ten days in advance; because, to ask a person only a day or two days before, looks as if you had been disappointed of somebody else, and had asked him as a mere stop-gap. A short invitation is only allowable for off-hand parties, or with strangers who are passing through a town.

“When you invite a person to dinner, or any other party at your house, specify only one day. Don’t say you will be glad to see him on either of two days, as Tuesday or Wednesday next. And why? Because this person may not wish to dine with or visit you at all; and so far from a choice of days being thought an act of kindness, it may be considered one of servility, if not rudeness. Always state only one day; and let the invitation, like the answer, be unequivocal.

“Invitations for several weeks in advance are almost as bad as invitations for alternate days; because long invitations convey the impression that the inviter is desperately ill off for guests, and wishes to insure a number at all risks. The person invited is also apt to feel that it is not his pleasure or convenience that is consulted; and to raise a feeling of this kind is anything but consistent with true politeness.

“The receiver of an invitation has a duty to perform as well as its giver. It is incumbent on him to say yes or no at once—not to allow a post or a day to elapse before answering. The reason is obvious: a delay on his part looks as if he were waiting for a better invitation before he made up his mind. Not to send a speedy reply, therefore, is one of the worst pieces of breeding of which a man can be guilty. It is also not using the inviter well; for a dinner-party usually consists only of a certain number, and if you cannot accept the invitation, say so, in order that time may be allowed to invite another person in your place. Let the answer also be distinct, no uncertainty is allowable; and if the invitation be accepted, let it be kept.

“The answer to an invitation should be directed to the lady of the house.”

An invitation may be refused, or you cannot have a will of your own; but the refusal should be couched in the kindest, briefest, and most polite terms.

JESTING.—Never make sport of the failings or peculiarities of another. Such things are common, but none the more admirable. If a joke is levelled at you, do not suffer your temper to get the worse of you, but join in the laugh good-temperedly, and the jester will be beaten by your good humour. Jests are not always vulgar, and are allowable with familiar friends, but never with strangers, and always without personality or ill feeling.

LADIES.—Some coxcombs pride themselves on their female acquaintance, and talk freely to their convivial friends of them. This is a detestable vice, and at once stamps a man as base and cowardly. Others affect a contempt for women, and treat them slightingly. Such conduct is at the least unmanly, and generally springs from a puffed-up conceit. Deference is due to woman in every station of society, and is a characteristic of the true gentleman.

LEAVING COMPANY.—French leave is the fashion now-a-days in good society, and we should hope will continue so. By this method you slip out, shake hands quietly and unobserved with the host and hostess, and the party goes on undisturbed; otherwise the movement of one is frequently the signal for the movement of another, and the party is broken up prematurely. I have seen, in homely assemblies, a sedate matron retire to dress, and re-appear with bonnet and shawl on to shake hands with the whole company. Nothing can be more vulgar, or detrimental to the life of a party, however unpretending its character.

LETTERS.—To answer letters promptly, explicitly, and briefly, is a duty incumbent on every person receiving one. I have known persons leave letters for weeks unanswered, with the consoling remark, “Ah! there’s So-and-so’s letter, I must answer that in a day or two.” What should we think if we spoke to a man and did not get a reply for a fortnight, and yet to delay answering a letter is as unbecoming. In addressing persons, be particular to assign them their proper rank, and make no difference in your mode of address, even if a quarrel takes place, unless the intimacy is formally broken off, when the “Dear Sir” must relapse into the “Sir” again. I have once or twice been annoyed by a person who had always addressed me “Dear Sir,” address me as “Sir,” after I had had a slight difference. I always knew then I had a paltry mind to deal with, and acted accordingly. Impertinent and insolent letters are best not answered. Of all things keep clear of a paper war; it is a conflict in which the gentleman is sure to be flogged out of you. Long letters are indulged in very much by the uncultivated, but brevity in writing is the rule for a gentleman. Invitations by letter should proceed from the lady of the house, and replies should be addressed to her in return. I would recommend adherence to this rule, even in little invitations to tea passing from one friend to another. They give wives their proper place and importance, and that is essential to decorum, comfort, and propriety.

MOURNING.—In calling on a friend who is in distress, put on a little mourning also, or at least go in no flashy attire. If your correspondent seals his letters with black, seal yours to him with black also.

MYSTERIOUSNESS.—Never be dark or mysterious. If propriety does not allow you to say a thing outright, do not allude to it at all. A gentleman always attends to those old but excellent mottoes, “Mind your own business,” and “A still tongue makes a wise head.”

PUNCTUALITY is one of the characteristics of politeness. He who does not keep his appointments promptly is unfit for the society of gentlemen, and will soon find himself shut out from it.

PUNNING is of late years very much indulged in. It is not altogether objectionable, but is liable to become so; for punsters, like mad dogs, when once started, run on till they are exhausted. Punning, too, is the lowest species of wit, and unless puns are most happily pointed, and free from all personal allusion, they are silly and contemptible. If you pun, do not laugh at your own joke.

PURSE-PRIDE is to be seen everywhere, and is always an evidence of weakness and vulgarity. Make no exhibition of your means; and if misfortune befal any of your friends, be still more careful not to display before them your superior fortune. Many a heart has been rankled by conduct of this sort, which prevails largely amongst the members of families.

QUARRELS are lowering to all the parties engaged in them, and usually terminate in the discomfiture of those who think they have the strongest side. If you feel you are in the right you are not justified in making the right ridiculous.

RIDICULE.—To indulge in ridicule, whether the subject be present or absent, is to descend below the level of gentlemanly propriety. Your skill may excite laughter, but will not insure respect.

RELIGION.—A reverential regard for religious observances, and religious opinions, is a distinguishing trait of a refined mind. Whatever your opinions on the subject, you are not to intrude them on others, perhaps to the shaking of their faith and happiness. Religious topics should be avoided in conversation, except where all are prepared to concur in a respectful treatment of the subject. In mixed societies the subject should never be introduced.

SULKINESS is not often indulged in by grown people, but we have seen lamentable instances of men, otherwise possessed of considerable sense, who would sulk for several weeks together, and during that time refrain from speaking a word to the most familiar acquaintance, and this, too, for some imaginary offence, or, if not imaginary, so trifling as to be unworthy of notice. Such conduct is childish in the extreme; it marks the first step in the dissolution of the mind, and, if much indulged, must lead at last to hypochondriasis, or perhaps to a drivelling and dolorous insanity. The picture of a sulky man is beyond the region of the pitiful, it is laughable; and we do laugh, in the same way as we should at the antics of a melancholy monkey. One who loves silence so much, and adopts it on such imaginary grounds, deserves to be sent for ever to Coventry, for in such a one’s society none are safe; the slightest word may renew the fit, and you are then at his bidding as a dog would be, to be spoken to and favoured when he pleases, conscious when you do speak that every word you utter is fraught with danger to his peace of mind. A morose man never has many friends, and runs the risk of dying in old age without even one.

SALUTATIONS should be suited to the parties saluted. It is a point much disputed upon whom the obligation of the first salute lies, when persons of different age or condition meet. The best rule is for the younger to salute the senior, as was the custom with the Romans. In meeting a lady there is no difficulty; the lady salutes first, or no recognition takes place. I have often been amazed by being stopped in the street, and held by the hand by a person of whom I had no recollection whatever, until he told me he had met me at such a place some months ago. In such a case a bow is all that is allowed, and this is always to be returned, whether you remember the person or not; but to halt, and insist on shaking hands, and entering upon some complimentary small-talk, is quite an error, unless the parties are on terms of actual acquaintance. And here I am reminded of the prevalence, at the present day, of protracted street salutations. You are suddenly met by an acquaintance who bears down upon you as the Chesapeake bore down upon the Shannon. You are seized as in a vice, and your hand held for several minutes. Then follow sundry questions about your health, when you saw Smith last, how Robinson’s wife is, what news is there from the Crimea, and, lastly, treated to some hackneyed remarks about the Parliament, or the weather. All this takes up valuable time, obstructs the causeway, and ends in annoyance. Why not shake hands heartily but briefly, exchange the compliments of “Good day,” with mutual inquiries after wives and families, and then part, each to attend to his own affairs, and each regarding his own business as too important to be put to the risk of damage by a quarter of an hour spent in twaddling on a kerb-stone, while the passers by jolt and thrust against you, and the vehicles cover you with splashes. The flabby shake of the hand in which some elderly persons indulge, holding your digits in a slow oscillation till the palms are moist, is very horrible, and by no means suggestive of hearty friendship, but it must be borne patiently, sometimes out of respect to age. When a person of my own age, however, treats me to one of these damp embraces, I do not hesitate to withdraw my hand if I can; and if he holds it too tight, and will not yield, I pinch him more tightly than he likes, and continue my grip till he breaks down.

Salutations should always be hearty, but softened by politeness; and in shaking hand with a lady, do not grasp the whole palm, as you do with your bosom friend, but let the fingers only meet, and be immediately withdrawn.

SLIGHTS are easily offered, and not so easily made amends for. Be careful how you treat sensitive persons, that they may not think themselves slighted, for no wound goes so deep as wounded pride.

SMALL-TALK.—Some persons think the small-talk of society very worthless and degrading, but so far from this being the case, it is most useful. You cannot expect persons to utter profound wisdom every time they speak, and small-talk serves to render persons in some degree acquainted and sociable before more important topics arise. Besides, good subjects arise out of small-talk; and conversation that begins in trifles frequently ends in matters of high profit.

SECRECY is essential to the polite man or woman, who do not repeat all they see and hear or know of people; but affectation of secrecy is a vulgarity, and never begets confidence.

SPITE AND REVENGE are poor instruments, as unchristian as they are morally degrading. No refined mind indulges in revengeful feelings. We should be above resenting an injury, but avoid the society of those who needlessly give offence. “Avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”

SPITTING is a filthy habit, and annoys one in almost every quarter, in-doors and out. Since vulgarity has had its way so extensively amongst us, every youth begins to smoke and spit before he has well cut his teeth. Smoking is unquestionably a great pleasure to those accustomed to it, that it must not be condemned; yet the spitting associated with it detracts very much from the enjoyment. No refined person will spit where ladies are present, or in any public promenade; the habit is disgusting in the extreme, and one would almost wish that it could be checked in public by means of law.

SURLINESS is far from the amiability and gentleness which true refinement teaches us. There is a vast deal of surliness to be encountered from puffed-up tradespeople and small professionals, but it is never the mark of mental polish.

VANITY.—Most of us are too vain; and I fear the gentle sex must be charged with somewhat of an excess in this particular. We are not to sneer at the vanity of others, and endeavour to mortify them therein, but first look to ourselves, that we are not equally vain in our own particular manner. A vain display is always an abject thing, and may be dispensed with profitably.

VULGARITIES.—We often have inward promptings of the vulgarity of our actions; there is a sort of instinctive propriety in all of us, and whenever we heed these monitions from within, we are pretty sure to be in the right. If you have a doubt at any time of the propriety of an action, let instinct guide you, and you are safe. I have observed that it is very common for persons to talk very loud when in conversation with foreigners, as if increase of noise would compensate for difficulties of mutual understanding. In omnibus and railway travelling there is a good deal of bawling, treading on toes, thrusting of elbows into sides, crushing, crowding, and running to and fro. In the midst of all this confusion the gentleman, punctual to time, walks with ease to his place, takes his seat without hurry or noise, and, in securing his own comfort, regards the comfort of others by a spirit of conciliating accommodation. The other day, while riding in an omnibus, I was much annoyed, as were others of the passengers, by two females (I regret I cannot say ladies), who sat with heads protruding from the windows, shouting and passing pleasantries to some acquaintance on the pathway. Rudeness of any kind on such occasions causes annoyance to all who witness it.

Avoid all boastings and exaggerations, backbiting, abuse, and evil speaking; slang phrases and oaths in conversation; depreciate no man’s qualities, and accept hospitalities of the humblest kind in a hearty and appreciative manner; avoid giving offence, and if you do offend, have the manliness to apologise; infuse as much elegance as possible into your thoughts as well as your actions; and as you avoid vulgarities you will increase the enjoyment of life, and grow in the respect of others.

WHISPERING is often indulged in by the young; and my parting advice to all is, never to whisper, either in the presence or absence of others. What you cannot say plainly do not say at all; and by never indulging in the practice you will never give way to it unconsciously in the presence of those who may think you are whispering of them.

CONCLUDING HINTS.—Adapt your greetings to the ages and conditions of persons, but do not lapse into stiffness on one hand, and excess of freedom on the other. Age demands respect in all conditions of life, and superiors in station should have the deference to which they are entitled.

When offered a seat, or invited to sit to a meal, you are, in all ordinary cases, bound to accept the invitation without hesitation. If you find your friend dining, you cannot expect him to talk to you, unless you join him at his request. If you refuse, he must finish hastily in order to entertain you.

In passing narrow ways, such as doorways and the like, step aside in time for your superior to pass before you; and if he request you to precede him, you must do so at once. If you are the superior, it is a graceful action to motion your companion to take the precedence. No one likes to be the lag-behind by compulsion.

In the street, if a person bows to you, you are bound to return the salutation, even if you do not remember him. You may remember when he has passed, and bitterly regret the neglect of courtesy. Ladies should be on the alert while walking, to give polite obeisance to any friend who may pass, for in this case the gentleman cannot offer the salute; the onus rests with the lady whether recognition shall take place or not.

At a party, if you wish to tell any visitor that his cab or other vehicle is waiting for him, you must use the word carriage. All vehicles are carriages that bring visitors, and no lady or gentleman wishes it to be advertised to the room that their cab, or wheelbarrow, is waiting for them.

Transcriber’s Note

Some inconsistencies in spelling, hyphenation, and punctuation have been retained.

- p. 26: changed “your’s” to “yours” (seal yours to him with black also)

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BLUNDERS IN BEHAVIOUR CORRECTED ***

Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed.

Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark license, especially commercial redistribution.

START: FULL LICENSE

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE

PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK

To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work (or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at www.gutenberg.org/license.

Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works

1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™ electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property (trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.

1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below.

1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the United States and you are located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™ works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when you share it without charge with others.

1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project Gutenberg™ work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any country other than the United States.

1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:

1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, copied or distributed:

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg™ trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is posted with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.

1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg™ License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg™.

1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project Gutenberg™ License.

1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ website (www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.

1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works provided that:

- • You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.”

- • You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ works.

- • You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of receipt of the work.

- • You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works.

1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.

1.F.

1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment.

1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE.

1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further opportunities to fix the problem.

1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.

1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.

1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any Defect you cause.

Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™

Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from people in all walks of life.

Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™’s goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org.

Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit 501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws.

The Foundation’s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact

Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread public support and donations to carry out its mission of increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations ($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt status with the IRS.

The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate.

While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who approach us with offers to donate.

International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.

Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate.

Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works

Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg™ concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.

Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.

Most people start at our website which has the main PG search facility: www.gutenberg.org.

This website includes information about Project Gutenberg™, including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.

Table of Contents

BLUNDERS IN BEHAVIOUR CORRECTED;

INTRODUCTION.

BLUNDERS IN BEHAVIOUR CORRECTED.

Transcriber’s Note

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE