The limerick up to date book
Date: 2026-04-02T00:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Humorous poetry; Limericks

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Title: The limerick up to date book

Author: Ethel Watts Mumford Grant

Illustrator: Ethel Watts Mumford Grant

Addison Mizner

Release date: April 1, 2026 [eBook #78335]

Language: English

Original publication: San Francisco: Paul Elder and Company, 1903

Other information and formats: www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/78335

Credits: The Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive)

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LIMERICK UP TO DATE BOOK ***

Please see the Transcriber’s Notes at the end of this text.

THE
LIMERICK
UP TO
DATE BOOK

THE
LIMERICK
UP TO
DATE BOOK

Composed and Collected by
Ethel Watts Mumford

Illustrated and Decorated by
Ethel Watts Mumford and
Addison Mizner

San Francisco
Published by Paul Elder and Company
1903

THE
LIMERICK
UP TO
DATE BOOK

Composed and Collected by
Ethel Watts Mumford

Illustrated and Decorated by
Ethel Watts Mumford and
Addison Mizner

San Francisco
Published by Paul Elder and Company
1903

Copyright 1903
by Paul Elder

The Tomoyé Press
San Francisco

MEMORANDA

Good Resolutions.

Good Resolutions.

John woke on Jan. first and felt queer;
Said, “Crackers I’ll swear off this year!
For the lobster and wine
And the rabbit were fine,
And it certainly wasn’t the beer.”

January

Janvier 1

2

Januar 3

4

Enero 5

6

Gennaio 7

Good Resolutions.

John woke on Jan. first and felt queer;
Said, “Crackers I’ll swear off this year!
For the lobster and wine
And the rabbit were fine,
And it certainly wasn’t the beer.”

January

Janvier 1

2

Januar 3

4

Enero 5

6

Gennaio 7

MEMORANDA

Beware of Rash Judgments.

Jan.

Beware of Rash Judgments.

A dame at the beaches of Florida,
All the ladies said couldn’t be horrider;
But she proved them all wrong,
And she said, “Go along!”
While the climate grew torrid and torrider.

January

Janvier 8

9

Januar 10

11

Enero 12

13

Gennaio 14

Ἰανουάριος 15

Jan.

Beware of Rash Judgments.

A dame at the beaches of Florida,
All the ladies said couldn’t be horrider;
But she proved them all wrong,
And she said, “Go along!”
While the climate grew torrid and torrider.

January

Janvier 8

9

Januar 10

11

Enero 12

13

Gennaio 14

Ἰανουάριος 15

MEMORANDA

Flattery.

Flattery.

Said the lady, “With you I’ll not go,
You’re reported to be far from slow.”
Said he, turning red,
With a smile quite o’erspread—
“O Madame, don’t flatter me so!”

January

Janvier 16

17

Januar 18

19

Enero 20

21

Gennaio 22

Ἰανουάριος 23

Flattery.

Said the lady, “With you I’ll not go,
You’re reported to be far from slow.”
Said he, turning red,
With a smile quite o’erspread—
“O Madame, don’t flatter me so!”

January

Janvier 16

17

Januar 18

19

Enero 20

21

Gennaio 22

Ἰανουάριος 23

MEMORANDA

Lavishness.

Jan.

Lavishness.

There was a young lady named Julie,
Who was terribly fond of patchouli;
She used bottles seven,
’Til she smelt up to heaven,
Which made all the angels unruly.

January

Janvier 24

25

Januar 26

27

Enero 28

29

Gennaio 30

Ἰανουάριος 31

Jan.

Lavishness.

There was a young lady named Julie,
Who was terribly fond of patchouli;
She used bottles seven,
’Til she smelt up to heaven,
Which made all the angels unruly.

January

Janvier 24

25

Januar 26

27

Enero 28

29

Gennaio 30

Ἰανουάριος 31

MEMORANDA

The Wicked Punster.

The Wicked Punster.

Said a sporty young person named Groat,
Who owned an old race-horse of note,
“I consider it smart
To lunch a la cart,
But the horse always takes table d’oat.”

February

Février 1

2

Februar 3

4

Febrero 5

6

Febbraio 7

The Wicked Punster.

Said a sporty young person named Groat,
Who owned an old race-horse of note,
“I consider it smart
To lunch a la cart,
But the horse always takes table d’oat.”

February

Février 1

2

Februar 3

4

Febrero 5

6

Febbraio 7

MEMORANDA

The Church-Goer.

Feb.

The Church-Goer.

There was a young man who said, “There,
I will sneak out during this prayer!”
But the squeak of his shoes
So enlivened the pews,
That he sat down again in despair.

February

Février 8

9

Februar 10

11

Febrero 12

13

Febbraio 14

Feb.

The Church-Goer.

There was a young man who said, “There,
I will sneak out during this prayer!”
But the squeak of his shoes
So enlivened the pews,
That he sat down again in despair.

February

Février 8

9

Februar 10

11

Febrero 12

13

Febbraio 14

MEMORANDA

Speak Kindly.

Speak Kindly.

She’s so homely you’d think she would smother,

And her back view is just like her brother.

Her eyes are both bent,

And her nose is a dent;

But then, “she’s so good to her mother!”

February

Février 15

16

Februar 17

18

Febrero 19

20

Febbraio 21

Speak Kindly.

She’s so homely you’d think she would smother,

And her back view is just like her brother.

Her eyes are both bent,

And her nose is a dent;

But then, “she’s so good to her mother!”

February

Février 15

16

Februar 17

18

Febrero 19

20

Febbraio 21

MEMORANDA

Good Manners.

Feb.

Good Manners.

There was a young person of Tottenhem,

Whose manners, Good Lord! she’d forgotten ’em.

When she went to the vicar’s,
She took off her knickers,
Because she said she was hot in ’em.

February

Février 22

23

Februar 24

25

Febrero 26

27

Febbraio 28

Feb.

Good Manners.

There was a young person of Tottenhem,

Whose manners, Good Lord! she’d forgotten ’em.

When she went to the vicar’s,
She took off her knickers,
Because she said she was hot in ’em.

February

Février 22

23

Februar 24

25

Febrero 26

27

Febbraio 28

MEMORANDA

Appearances are Deceitful.

Appearances are Deceitful.

There was a young lady of Skye,
With a shape like a capital I;
She said, “It’s too bad!
But then I can pad,”—
Which shows you that figures can lie.

March

Mars 1

2

März 3

4

Marzo 5

6

Μάρτιος 7

Appearances are Deceitful.

There was a young lady of Skye,
With a shape like a capital I;
She said, “It’s too bad!
But then I can pad,”—
Which shows you that figures can lie.

March

Mars 1

2

März 3

4

Marzo 5

6

Μάρτιος 7

MEMORANDA

Tact.

March

Tact.

There was a bright person named Biddle,

Who asked everybody a riddle.

When asked, “Can you tell

The answer as well?”

He replied, “I begin in the middle.”

March

Mars 8

9

März 10

11

Marzo 12

13

Μάρτιος 14

March

Tact.

There was a bright person named Biddle,

Who asked everybody a riddle.

When asked, “Can you tell

The answer as well?”

He replied, “I begin in the middle.”

March

Mars 8

9

März 10

11

Marzo 12

13

Μάρτιος 14

MEMORANDA

Sculpture.

Sculpture.

There was an old sculptor named Phidias,
Whose knowledge of Art was invidious.
He carved Aphrodite
Without any nightie—
Which startled the purely fastidious.

March

Mars 15

16

März 17

18

Marzo 19

20

Μάρτιος 21

Sculpture.

There was an old sculptor named Phidias,
Whose knowledge of Art was invidious.
He carved Aphrodite
Without any nightie—
Which startled the purely fastidious.

March

Mars 15

16

März 17

18

Marzo 19

20

Μάρτιος 21

MEMORANDA

Intemperance.

March

Intemperance.

There once was a baker named Dunn,
Who always was out for the fun,
And although it was said
He was very well bred,
He spent all his dough on a “bun”!

March

Mars 22

23

März 24

25

Marzo 26

27

Μάρτιος 28

March

Intemperance.

There once was a baker named Dunn,
Who always was out for the fun,
And although it was said
He was very well bred,
He spent all his dough on a “bun”!

March

Mars 22

23

März 24

25

Marzo 26

27

Μάρτιος 28

MEMORANDA

The Careful Buyer.

The Careful Buyer.

There was an old man of Madrid,
Who went to an auction to bid;
He bought, if you please,
A case of old cheese—
But oh, Gosh! when they lifted the lid!

March

Mars 29

30

März 31

The Careful Buyer.

There was an old man of Madrid,
Who went to an auction to bid;
He bought, if you please,
A case of old cheese—
But oh, Gosh! when they lifted the lid!

March

Mars 29

30

März 31

MEMORANDA

A Quiet Life.

April

A Quiet Life.

An Abbess whom all did admire,
To holiness much did aspire.
When asked to a ball,
She replied, “Not at all;
I’ve another engagement that’s Prior.”

April

Avril 1

2

April 3

4

Abril 5

6

Aprile 7

April

A Quiet Life.

An Abbess whom all did admire,
To holiness much did aspire.
When asked to a ball,
She replied, “Not at all;
I’ve another engagement that’s Prior.”

April

Avril 1

2

April 3

4

Abril 5

6

Aprile 7

MEMORANDA

Gentleness.

Gentleness.

There was a fair maiden of Siam,
Who said to her lover, “O Priam,
You may kiss me, of course,
But you’ve got to use force—
And, God knows, you are stronger than I am!”

April

Avril 8

9

April 10

11

Abril 12

13

Aprile 14

Ἀπρίλιος 15

Gentleness.

There was a fair maiden of Siam,
Who said to her lover, “O Priam,
You may kiss me, of course,
But you’ve got to use force—
And, God knows, you are stronger than I am!”

April

Avril 8

9

April 10

11

Abril 12

13

Aprile 14

Ἀπρίλιος 15

MEMORANDA

Exasperation.

April

Exasperation.

There was an old person named Sam,
Who was wearied of Omar Khayyam.
Fitzgerald, you know,
Is the whole of the show;
But this cult and this music, “Oh, d——!”

April

Avril 16

17

April 18

19

Abril 20

21

Aprile 22

Ἀπρίλιος 23

April

Exasperation.

There was an old person named Sam,
Who was wearied of Omar Khayyam.
Fitzgerald, you know,
Is the whole of the show;
But this cult and this music, “Oh, d——!”

April

Avril 16

17

April 18

19

Abril 20

21

Aprile 22

Ἀπρίλιος 23

MEMORANDA

The Kind Beadle.

The Kind Beadle.

There was an old lady of Threedle,
Who sat down in church on a needle;
Tho’ deeply embedded,
’Twas luckily threaded,
And quickly pulled out by the beadle.

April

Avril 24

25

April 26

27

Abril 28

29

Aprile 30

The Kind Beadle.

There was an old lady of Threedle,
Who sat down in church on a needle;
Tho’ deeply embedded,
’Twas luckily threaded,
And quickly pulled out by the beadle.

April

Avril 24

25

April 26

27

Abril 28

29

Aprile 30

MEMORANDA

Improper Language.

May

Improper Language.

There was a fair maid of Oshkosh,
Who on Tuesday cried out, “Oh, by Gosh!”
For up on the roof
There was ocular proof
That some one had stolen the wash.

May

Mai 1

2

Mäi 3

4

Mayo 5

6

Maggio 7

May

Improper Language.

There was a fair maid of Oshkosh,
Who on Tuesday cried out, “Oh, by Gosh!”
For up on the roof
There was ocular proof
That some one had stolen the wash.

May

Mai 1

2

Mäi 3

4

Mayo 5

6

Maggio 7

MEMORANDA

Make the Best of Adverse Circumstances.

Make the Best of Adverse Circumstances.

There was a young person named Clyde,

Who was once at a funeral espied.

When asked who was dead,

He smilingly said:

“I don’t know—I just came for the ride.”

May

Mai 8

9

Mäi 10

11

Mayo 12

13

Maggio 14

Make the Best of Adverse Circumstances.

There was a young person named Clyde,

Who was once at a funeral espied.

When asked who was dead,

He smilingly said:

“I don’t know—I just came for the ride.”

May

Mai 8

9

Mäi 10

11

Mayo 12

13

Maggio 14

MEMORANDA

Devotion.

May

Devotion.

There once was a fellow most kind,
Who, when loving, went at it quite blind.
He said, “That’s all right,
But she’s so out of sight
That I can’t keep her out of my mind!”

May

Mai 15

16

Mäi 17

18

Mayo 19

20

Maggio 21

May

Devotion.

There once was a fellow most kind,
Who, when loving, went at it quite blind.
He said, “That’s all right,
But she’s so out of sight
That I can’t keep her out of my mind!”

May

Mai 15

16

Mäi 17

18

Mayo 19

20

Maggio 21

MEMORANDA

Always Save for a Rainy Day.

Always Save for a Rainy Day.

There was a young lady named Jane,
Who went out to walk in the rain;
Her skirts were so lacey
It really was racey,
And drove all the chappies insane.

May

Mai 22

23

Mäi 24

25

Mayo 26

27

Maggio 28

Always Save for a Rainy Day.

There was a young lady named Jane,
Who went out to walk in the rain;
Her skirts were so lacey
It really was racey,
And drove all the chappies insane.

May

Mai 22

23

Mäi 24

25

Mayo 26

27

Maggio 28

MEMORANDA

Be Careful.

May

Be Careful.

There was a young man from the Cape,

Who always wore trousers of crêpe.

When asked, “Do they tear?”

He replied, “Here and there—

But they keep such a wonderful shape.”

May

Mai 29

30

Mäi 31

May

Be Careful.

There was a young man from the Cape,

Who always wore trousers of crêpe.

When asked, “Do they tear?”

He replied, “Here and there—

But they keep such a wonderful shape.”

May

Mai 29

30

Mäi 31

MEMORANDA

Seize Opportunities.

Seize Opportunities.

There was an old lady of Lee,

Who invited the curate to tea.

He said, “You quite shine

In the housewifely line.”

“Oh, this is so sudden!” said she.

June

Juin 1

2

Juni 3

4

Junio 5

6

Giugno 7

Seize Opportunities.

There was an old lady of Lee,

Who invited the curate to tea.

He said, “You quite shine

In the housewifely line.”

“Oh, this is so sudden!” said she.

June

Juin 1

2

Juni 3

4

Junio 5

6

Giugno 7

MEMORANDA

Seek After Knowledge.

June

Seek After Knowledge.

A man with the brain of a linnet

Asked forty-two questions a minute.

When they said, “Mind your biz!”

He said, “Envy it is,

’Cause you know just how strictly I’m in it.”

June

Juin 8

9

Juni 10

11

Junio 12

13

Giugno 14

Ἰούνιος 15

June

Seek After Knowledge.

A man with the brain of a linnet

Asked forty-two questions a minute.

When they said, “Mind your biz!”

He said, “Envy it is,

’Cause you know just how strictly I’m in it.”

June

Juin 8

9

Juni 10

11

Junio 12

13

Giugno 14

Ἰούνιος 15

MEMORANDA

Respect for Age.

Respect for Age.

There was an old beau of Formosa,
Who ne’er was content with a “No, sah!”
The strength of his arm
Oft excited alarm,
And his motto was “closah and closah.”

June

Juin 16

17

Juni 18

19

Junio 20

21

Giugno 22

Ἰούνιος 23

Respect for Age.

There was an old beau of Formosa,
Who ne’er was content with a “No, sah!”
The strength of his arm
Oft excited alarm,
And his motto was “closah and closah.”

June

Juin 16

17

Juni 18

19

Junio 20

21

Giugno 22

Ἰούνιος 23

MEMORANDA

Uncertainty.

June

Uncertainty.

A lady once had a bad habit:

She couldn’t see cheese but she’d nab it.

She said, “Memory fails—

Is the rabbit from Wales?

Or do the wails come from the rabbit?”

June

Juin 24

25

Juni 26

27

Junio 28

29

Giugno 30

June

Uncertainty.

A lady once had a bad habit:

She couldn’t see cheese but she’d nab it.

She said, “Memory fails—

Is the rabbit from Wales?

Or do the wails come from the rabbit?”

June

Juin 24

25

Juni 26

27

Junio 28

29

Giugno 30

MEMORANDA

Retort Courteous.

Retort Courteous.

There was a young lady of Wilts,

Who walked all through Scotland on stilts.

When they said, “Oh, how shocking,

To see so much stocking!”

She said, “How about you and your kilts?”

July

Juillet 1

2

Juli 3

4

Julio 5

6

Luglio 7

Retort Courteous.

There was a young lady of Wilts,

Who walked all through Scotland on stilts.

When they said, “Oh, how shocking,

To see so much stocking!”

She said, “How about you and your kilts?”

July

Juillet 1

2

Juli 3

4

Julio 5

6

Luglio 7

MEMORANDA

Generosity.

July

Generosity.

There was a young lady of Venice,

Who used hard-boiled eggs to play tennis.

When they cried, “You are wrong!”

She replied, “Go along—

You don’t know how prolific my hen is.”

July

Juillet 8

9

Juli 10

11

Julio 12

13

Luglio 14

July

Generosity.

There was a young lady of Venice,

Who used hard-boiled eggs to play tennis.

When they cried, “You are wrong!”

She replied, “Go along—

You don’t know how prolific my hen is.”

July

Juillet 8

9

Juli 10

11

Julio 12

13

Luglio 14

MEMORANDA

Art.

Art.

There was a fair dame whose manœuvre
Was to get her portrait in the Louvre;
But they sent it away
The very first day—
And it’s now in a dive in Vancouvre.

July

Juillet 15

16

Juli 17

18

Julio 19

20

Luglio 21

Art.

There was a fair dame whose manœuvre
Was to get her portrait in the Louvre;
But they sent it away
The very first day—
And it’s now in a dive in Vancouvre.

July

Juillet 15

16

Juli 17

18

Julio 19

20

Luglio 21

MEMORANDA

Comparisons are Odious.

July

Comparisons are Odious.

A talented artist (Ed Lanseer),

Said, “Beau Brummel, I won’t paint these pants here;

I assure you, I can’t see
That they are so fancy—
Why, last week I saw a dog-fancier.”

July

Juillet 22

23

Juli 24

25

Julio 26

27

Luglio 28

July

Comparisons are Odious.

A talented artist (Ed Lanseer),

Said, “Beau Brummel, I won’t paint these pants here;

I assure you, I can’t see
That they are so fancy—
Why, last week I saw a dog-fancier.”

July

Juillet 22

23

Juli 24

25

Julio 26

27

Luglio 28

MEMORANDA

Inspiration.

Inspiration.

An old person who lived by his pen,
Cried, “Goody! I’ve got ’em again!
A poem I’ll write,
’Bout the dawning of night,
That will easily collar a ten!”

July

Juillet 29

30

Juli 31

Inspiration.

An old person who lived by his pen,
Cried, “Goody! I’ve got ’em again!
A poem I’ll write,
’Bout the dawning of night,
That will easily collar a ten!”

July

Juillet 29

30

Juli 31

MEMORANDA

Popularity.

Aug.

Popularity.

A musician there was—Paderewski—
Who never would drink nor would chewski;
As a Matineé blade,
He made Hackett afraid,
And quite broke the heart of John Drewski.

August

Août 1

2

August 3

4

Agosto 5

6

Αὔγουστος 7

Aug.

Popularity.

A musician there was—Paderewski—
Who never would drink nor would chewski;
As a Matineé blade,
He made Hackett afraid,
And quite broke the heart of John Drewski.

August

Août 1

2

August 3

4

Agosto 5

6

Αὔγουστος 7

MEMORANDA

Truth.

Truth.

There was a young lady named Maude,
Who said she was “awfully boahed,”
For all men she hated,
Both single and mated—
But in the dark corners—Good Lawd!

August

Août 8

9

August 10

11

Agosto 12

13

Agosto 14

Αὔγουστος 15

Truth.

There was a young lady named Maude,
Who said she was “awfully boahed,”
For all men she hated,
Both single and mated—
But in the dark corners—Good Lawd!

August

Août 8

9

August 10

11

Agosto 12

13

Agosto 14

Αὔγουστος 15

MEMORANDA

A Good Girl.

Aug.

A Good Girl.

Eliza she never was nifty,
She was kindly and gentle and thrifty;
She gave poor people pies,
And she never made eyes—
But then—she was seven and fifty!

August

Août 16

17

August 18

19

Agosto 20

21

Agosto 22

Αὔγουστος 23

Aug.

A Good Girl.

Eliza she never was nifty,
She was kindly and gentle and thrifty;
She gave poor people pies,
And she never made eyes—
But then—she was seven and fifty!

August

Août 16

17

August 18

19

Agosto 20

21

Agosto 22

Αὔγουστος 23

MEMORANDA

Do Not be Persistent.

Do Not be Persistent.

There once was a promising hound,
The fleetest that ever was found;
But his friends all declare,
That when chasing the hare,
He was running things into the ground.

August

Août 24

25

August 26

27

Agosto 28

29

Agosto 30

Αὔγουστος 31

Do Not be Persistent.

There once was a promising hound,
The fleetest that ever was found;
But his friends all declare,
That when chasing the hare,
He was running things into the ground.

August

Août 24

25

August 26

27

Agosto 28

29

Agosto 30

Αὔγουστος 31

MEMORANDA

Never Swear.

Sept.

Never Swear.

A kindly old person named Tom,
Manufactured a dynamite bomb.
One day in annoy,
He cast it at a boy,—
Saying, “Gracious! I nearly said Domn!”

September

Septembre 1

2

September 3

4

Setiembre 5

6

Settembre 7

Sept.

Never Swear.

A kindly old person named Tom,
Manufactured a dynamite bomb.
One day in annoy,
He cast it at a boy,—
Saying, “Gracious! I nearly said Domn!”

September

Septembre 1

2

September 3

4

Setiembre 5

6

Settembre 7

MEMORANDA

Self-Sufficiency.

Self-Sufficiency.

There was a young damsel named Nell,
Who considered herself quite a belle.
She sat on the sand,
And held her own hand,
And never got on to the swell.

September

Septembre 8

9

September 10

11

Setiembre 12

13

Settembre 14

Self-Sufficiency.

There was a young damsel named Nell,
Who considered herself quite a belle.
She sat on the sand,
And held her own hand,
And never got on to the swell.

September

Septembre 8

9

September 10

11

Setiembre 12

13

Settembre 14

MEMORANDA

The Young Nimrod.

Sept.

The Young Nimrod.

Young Henry went out for to shoot,
With a gun and a high rubber boot;
He shot an old goat,
A guide and a shoat—
But he’s best when he’s shooting the chute.

September

Septembre 15

16

September 17

18

Setiembre 19

20

Settembre 21

Σεπτέμβριος 22

Sept.

The Young Nimrod.

Young Henry went out for to shoot,
With a gun and a high rubber boot;
He shot an old goat,
A guide and a shoat—
But he’s best when he’s shooting the chute.

September

Septembre 15

16

September 17

18

Setiembre 19

20

Settembre 21

Σεπτέμβριος 22

MEMORANDA

Foresight.

Foresight.

There was an old man of Tarrentum,
Who sat on his false teeth and bent ’um
When asked what he’d lost,
And what they had cost,
He replied, “I don’t know, I just rent ’um.”

September

Septembre 23

24

September 25

26

Setiembre 27

28

Settembre 29

Σεπτέμβριος 30

Foresight.

There was an old man of Tarrentum,
Who sat on his false teeth and bent ’um
When asked what he’d lost,
And what they had cost,
He replied, “I don’t know, I just rent ’um.”

September

Septembre 23

24

September 25

26

Setiembre 27

28

Settembre 29

Σεπτέμβριος 30

MEMORANDA

Society.

Oct.

Society.

There was a fair charmer named Jones,
And the lions from various zones
At her house came and roared
In a beautiful chord,
As she fed them elaborate bones.

October

Octobre 1

2

Oktober 3

4

Octubre 5

6

Ottobre 7

Oct.

Society.

There was a fair charmer named Jones,
And the lions from various zones
At her house came and roared
In a beautiful chord,
As she fed them elaborate bones.

October

Octobre 1

2

Oktober 3

4

Octubre 5

6

Ottobre 7

MEMORANDA

At a Cursory Glance.

At a Cursory Glance.

A curate once smote at a tee,
And threw his new club up a tree,
Saying, “Fie!! My!! Oh, dear!!!
I must give up, I fear,
Either golf or the ministree!”

October

Octobre 8

9

Oktober 10

11

Octubre 12

13

Ottobre 14

Ὀυτώμβριος 15

At a Cursory Glance.

A curate once smote at a tee,
And threw his new club up a tree,
Saying, “Fie!! My!! Oh, dear!!!
I must give up, I fear,
Either golf or the ministree!”

October

Octobre 8

9

Oktober 10

11

Octubre 12

13

Ottobre 14

Ὀυτώμβριος 15

MEMORANDA

High Ideals.

Oct.

High Ideals.

There was a young man who said, “Oh,

Why, lucre’s so filthy and low!”

But his friends said, “Oh, shoo!

That’s too good to be true—

You can bet that he’s after the dough!”

October

Octobre 16

17

Oktober 18

19

Octubre 20

21

Ottobre 22

Ὀυτώμβριος 23

Oct.

High Ideals.

There was a young man who said, “Oh,

Why, lucre’s so filthy and low!”

But his friends said, “Oh, shoo!

That’s too good to be true—

You can bet that he’s after the dough!”

October

Octobre 16

17

Oktober 18

19

Octubre 20

21

Ottobre 22

Ὀυτώμβριος 23

MEMORANDA

Compensation.

Compensation.

There was a fair girl named Elaine,

Who, one March day, went out dressed en train;

The wind tried to be rude,
But her costume was glued—
’Tis better sometimes to be vain.

October

Octobre 24

25

Oktober 26

27

Octubre 28

29

Ottobre 30

Ὀυτώμβριος 31

Compensation.

There was a fair girl named Elaine,

Who, one March day, went out dressed en train;

The wind tried to be rude,
But her costume was glued—
’Tis better sometimes to be vain.

October

Octobre 24

25

Oktober 26

27

Octubre 28

29

Ottobre 30

Ὀυτώμβριος 31

MEMORANDA

The Lovers.

Nov.

The Lovers.

A lover in China, named Kin,
Sang soft serenades with great din;
With his eye to a crack
In the wall at the back—
And they said, “’Tis the lute of Peek-in!”

November

Novembre 1

2

November 3

4

Noviembre 5

6

Novembre 7

Nov.

The Lovers.

A lover in China, named Kin,
Sang soft serenades with great din;
With his eye to a crack
In the wall at the back—
And they said, “’Tis the lute of Peek-in!”

November

Novembre 1

2

November 3

4

Noviembre 5

6

Novembre 7

MEMORANDA

Don’t Be a Rounder.

Don’t Be a Rounder.

There was a fair maid named O’Neil,
Who went up in the great Ferris Wheel;
On the thirty-fourth round
She looked down at the ground—
And it cost her an 80-cent meal.

November

Novembre 8

9

November 10

11

Noviembre 12

13

Novembre 14

Don’t Be a Rounder.

There was a fair maid named O’Neil,
Who went up in the great Ferris Wheel;
On the thirty-fourth round
She looked down at the ground—
And it cost her an 80-cent meal.

November

Novembre 8

9

November 10

11

Noviembre 12

13

Novembre 14

MEMORANDA

Hospitality.

Nov.

Hospitality.

A tenderfoot out in the West
Said, “Afternoon tea’s such a rest!”
So they knocked off his hat
As they punched his nose flat,
And shot all the checks off his vest.

November

Novembre 15

16

November 17

18

Noviembre 19

20

Novembre 21

Νοέμβριος 22

Nov.

Hospitality.

A tenderfoot out in the West
Said, “Afternoon tea’s such a rest!”
So they knocked off his hat
As they punched his nose flat,
And shot all the checks off his vest.

November

Novembre 15

16

November 17

18

Noviembre 19

20

Novembre 21

Νοέμβριος 22

MEMORANDA

Perseverance.

Perseverance.

There was an old person named Tate
Who out fishing went early and late.
When the fish gave a tug,
Then he pulled on the jug,
And the thing that he caught was a skate.

November

Novembre 23

24

November 25

26

Noviembre 27

28

Novembre 29

Νοέμβριος 30

Perseverance.

There was an old person named Tate
Who out fishing went early and late.
When the fish gave a tug,
Then he pulled on the jug,
And the thing that he caught was a skate.

November

Novembre 23

24

November 25

26

Noviembre 27

28

Novembre 29

Νοέμβριος 30

MEMORANDA

Modesty.

Dec.

Modesty.

There once was a sensitive bride,
Who ran when the groom she espied.
When they put on her veil
She set up a wail,
And when the priest blessed her, she cried.

December

Décembre 1

2

Dezember 3

4

Diciembre 5

6

Dicembre 7

Dec.

Modesty.

There once was a sensitive bride,
Who ran when the groom she espied.
When they put on her veil
She set up a wail,
And when the priest blessed her, she cried.

December

Décembre 1

2

Dezember 3

4

Diciembre 5

6

Dicembre 7

MEMORANDA

Know Your True Worth.

Know Your True Worth.

Said a Rooster, “I’d have you all know
I am nearly the whole of the show;
Why, the Sun every morn
Gets up with the dawn
For the purpose of hearing me crow!”

December

Décembre 8

9

Dezember 10

11

Diciembre 12

13

Dicembre 14

Know Your True Worth.

Said a Rooster, “I’d have you all know
I am nearly the whole of the show;
Why, the Sun every morn
Gets up with the dawn
For the purpose of hearing me crow!”

December

Décembre 8

9

Dezember 10

11

Diciembre 12

13

Dicembre 14

MEMORANDA

A Good Reason.

Dec.

A Good Reason.

There was a young man of Fort Blainey,

Who proposed to a typist named Janey;

When his friends cried, “Oh, dear!

She’s so old and so queer!”

He replied, “But the day was so rainy!”

December

Décembre 15

16

Dezember 17

18

Diciembre 19

20

Dicembre 21

Dec.

A Good Reason.

There was a young man of Fort Blainey,

Who proposed to a typist named Janey;

When his friends cried, “Oh, dear!

She’s so old and so queer!”

He replied, “But the day was so rainy!”

December

Décembre 15

16

Dezember 17

18

Diciembre 19

20

Dicembre 21

MEMORANDA

Recklessness.

Recklessness.

Sir Guy was an amorous knight,
Who costumed himself in a tight.
It was taking a chance
To go without pants,
In case the mosquitoes should bite.

December

Décembre 22

23

Dezember 24

25

Diciembre 26

27

Dicembre 28

Recklessness.

Sir Guy was an amorous knight,
Who costumed himself in a tight.
It was taking a chance
To go without pants,
In case the mosquitoes should bite.

December

Décembre 22

23

Dezember 24

25

Diciembre 26

27

Dicembre 28

MEMORANDA

Thrift.

Dec.

Thrift.

There was a good dame of Cape Horn,

Whose clothing was tattered and torn.

She remarked, debonnaire,

As she pinned up her hair:

“Three bargains I purchased this morn.”

December

Décembre 29

30

Dezember 31

Dec.

Thrift.

There was a good dame of Cape Horn,

Whose clothing was tattered and torn.

She remarked, debonnaire,

As she pinned up her hair:

“Three bargains I purchased this morn.”

December

Décembre 29

30

Dezember 31

Transcriber’s Note

Depending on the hard- and software used to read this text and their settings, not all elements may display as intended. The Memoranda pages are intentionally left blank as they were in the source document.

The spelling in this e-text is that of the original work. A few obvious minor typographical errors have been corrected silently.

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LIMERICK UP TO DATE BOOK ***

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Table of Contents

- THE LIMERICK UP TO DATE BOOK

- Good Resolutions.

- Beware of Rash Judgments.

- Flattery.

- Lavishness.

- The Wicked Punster.

- The Church-Goer.

- Speak Kindly.

- Good Manners.

- Appearances are Deceitful.

- Tact.

- Sculpture.

- Intemperance.

- The Careful Buyer.

- A Quiet Life.

- Gentleness.

- Exasperation.

- The Kind Beadle.

- Improper Language.

- Make the Best of Adverse Circumstances.

- Devotion.

- Always Save for a Rainy Day.

- Be Careful.

- Seize Opportunities.

- Seek After Knowledge.

- Respect for Age.

- Uncertainty.

- Retort Courteous.

- Generosity.

- Art.

- Comparisons are Odious.

- Inspiration.

- Popularity.

- Truth.

- A Good Girl.

- Do Not be Persistent.

- Never Swear.

- Self-Sufficiency.

- The Young Nimrod.

- Foresight.

- Society.

- At a Cursory Glance.

- High Ideals.

- Compensation.

- The Lovers.

- Don’t Be a Rounder.

- Hospitality.

- Perseverance.

- Modesty.

- Know Your True Worth.

- A Good Reason.

- Recklessness.

- Thrift.

- Transcriber’s Note

- THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG™ LICENSE