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Title: Lessons on Manners
For School and Home Use
Author: Edith E. Wiggin
Release Date: July 17, 2010 [eBook #33188]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LESSONS ON MANNERS***
| Note: | Images of the original pages are available through Internet Archive/American Libraries. See http://www.archive.org/details/lessonsonmanner00wigggoog |
| INTRODUCTION | 5 |
LESSON I. | |
| Manners in General | 9 |
LESSON II. | |
| Manners at School | 13 |
LESSON III. | |
| Manners on the Street | 19 |
LESSON IV. | |
| Manners at Home | 25 |
LESSON V. | |
| Manners Toward the Aged | 31 |
LESSON VI. | |
| Manners at the Table | 39 |
LESSON VII. | |
| Manners in Society | 47[iv] |
LESSON VIII. | |
| Manners at Church | 57 |
LESSON IX. | |
| Manners at Places of Amusement | 61 |
LESSON X. | |
| Manners in Stores and Similar Public Places | 67 |
LESSON XI. | |
| Manners in Travelling | 73 |
LESSON XII. | |
| Manners in Borrowing | 81 |
It is true that good manners, like good morals, are best taught by the teacher's example. It is also true that definite lessons, in which the subject can be considered in its appropriate divisions, are of no little value if we would have our children attain to "that finest of the fine arts, a beautiful behavior."
Such lessons should be as familiar and conversational as possible. They ought to be talks rather than lectures; and the children should be encouraged to do a large part of the talking. Children that come from homes where good manners are taught and practised, will be glad to repeat the precepts of politeness learned in the home circle; and those less favored will not want to be behind in this hitherto unstudied branch. We must remember that many children hear no mention of politeness outside the school-room, and are uncouth and rude, not so much because they choose to be, as because they do not know how to be otherwise.
I have used in my own schools of different grades a series of simple lessons, varying both matter and method according to the age and capacity of scholars. The good results have been marked, not only in the[6] school-room, but at home and in public places; and years afterwards scholars have expressed their grateful appreciation of this instruction and its value to them in every-day life. I have thought that the publication of these outline lessons might be a help to other teachers also, in the way of offering suggestions and saving time in preparing lessons for their own classes.
For some classes the lessons as arranged in this little book may be too long, for others too short. They are outlines merely, to be filled in and supplemented by each teacher, adding to, taking from, and varying them at her discretion.
It may seem unnecessary to touch upon such simple things as some that are spoken of. The teacher, perhaps, cannot remember when these axioms were not familiar to her; but let her put questions to the children concerning them, and she will find in many schools that to half the pupils she is talking in an unknown tongue. Matters are mentioned which do not concern them now so much as they will a few years later; as, for instance, conduct at places of amusement and in company; but in these things, as in their school studies, boys and girls are learning now for the future.
My plan would be to have a familiar talk with the children one day, drawing from them, as far as it can be done, the rules of behavior which the teacher wishes to impress upon them. When she can illustrate a point by a story, the impression will be deepened.[7] It is well also to speak of acts which have come under the teacher's eye in the school-room, on the play-ground, or on the way to school, and let the children decide whether these were polite or impolite, and why. This will make the whole matter more real to them, and, if they are encouraged to furnish illustrations, they will open their eyes and find them in their own little worlds. We want our children in school, from the youngest to the oldest, to notice a breach of politeness as quickly as an error in recitation. A little girl of five from a wretched family, who had proved an apt scholar in the branch under consideration, one day performed some trifling service for an awkward little new scholar. I shall never forget her look and tone of amazement as she turned to her teacher with, "Why! he didn't say 'Thank you.'"
At the time of the next exercise, I would have the children reproduce from an outline placed upon the blackboard the precepts deduced from the previous talk, not insisting upon any form of words, but encouraging them to use their own. This will be also a good oral exercise in language. If the scholars are old enough, this oral review can be put upon paper, either at this time or for a composition exercise another day. Nothing except practising the precepts will so fix these in their minds.
If the teacher thinks best, a copy of this manual may be placed in the hands of each scholar, and the lesson prepared like other lessons, from the printed[8] page. This course would diminish the amount of blackboard writing.
Let the teacher, when it seems wise, commend acts of politeness in her scholars. If they know she sees and appreciates their efforts, they will redouble them.
It should be her constant aim to lead her scholars so to think on these things that are lovely and of good report in the province of manners, as well as in the higher one of morals, to which it is so closely allied, that thinking may take the shape of doing, and doing may crystallize into habit.
| Quotation about manners. Golden Rule. Need of constant practice. Learning by observation. Quotation. |
It has been said, "Manners are something with every one, and everything with some."
Strangers will judge us entirely by our manners, since they cannot know, as our friends do, what is beneath this outward behavior.
The Golden Rule is the foundation of true politeness, which must spring from kindness of heart. If we earnestly try to do to others what we would have them do to us, though we may through ignorance disregard some points of society etiquette, yet we can hardly be impolite.
Good manners cannot be put on at pleasure, like an outside coat, but must belong to us. We have all seen veneering on furniture. At first the cheap pine article may look as well as if it were made of the costly wood with which it is covered; but in the wear and tear of every-day use the veneering will come off in places, showing the common wood beneath. So it will be with our manners. If they are not solid and real throughout, the thin covering of politeness will break off here and there, especially when exposed to hard usage, and the real stuff we are made of will be revealed.
If we carefully observe persons of fine manners, we shall learn much that can be learned in no other[12] way. We must not think we are too well informed to be taught on this or any subject, but keep our eyes and ears open, and be always ready to learn a "more excellent way." The greatest advantage to young people of being in good society is the opportunity to learn by observation.
We began this lesson with a quotation, and we will close by another worth remembering: "Politeness is like an air-cushion; there may be nothing solid in it, but it eases the jolts of this world wonderfully."
| Entering and leaving room. Laughing at mistakes or accidents. Conduct if accidents occur. Treatment of new scholars. Conduct when visitors are present. Raising hand. Rights of property. Distributing and collecting materials. Conduct at looking-glass and drinking place. In relating occurrences, when to speak of one's self. |
We must not forget to say "Good morning" to the teacher when we first see her before school; or, if we stop after school to speak to her, "Good afternoon" when we leave. If a boy comes back into the room after dismissal, he must remember to take off his hat.
It is rude to laugh at mistakes or awkwardness: nothing is more ill-bred as well as unkind. If an accident occurs, we should not laugh, unless it is so amusing that all can join without hurting the feelings of the one concerned.
If an accident happens to the dress or property of teacher or classmate, we should offer our assistance quietly, if we can be of use, or else not appear to see it, and by no means call attention to it.
We ought to try to make a new scholar feel at home,—help him to become acquainted with the others, tell him the rules and customs of the school, and assist him at first in his lessons if he needs it. We ought not to stare at him when he enters or rises to recite, or smile if he makes a mistake. It is kind to draw him into games at recess until he forgets he is a stranger. We should be especially careful to do all this if the new scholar is poorly or peculiarly dressed, or is crippled, or unfortunate in any way.[16]
When visitors are present, we must be sure to behave as well as at other times. If reading or singing is going on, we should pass them a book, handing it properly, and should treat them as politely as if they were at our houses. When the teacher is engaged with company, we should not disturb her with unnecessary questions, but busy ourselves until she is at liberty.
To raise hands when it can be avoided is an impolite interruption of school work, and is as rude as talking too much in company. To raise the hand when a teacher or scholar is speaking is the same thing as to interrupt them with a remark or question.
We must respect the rights of property. It is wrong to take a garment, book, or other article before or after school without asking permission. If anything is borrowed, it should be returned promptly with thanks.
If we are distributing materials to the class, we should hand articles quietly and politely to each in turn, and in collecting never snatch a book or paper.
When a number of scholars are waiting for a drink at recess, we sometimes see them crowd and push one another, each trying to serve himself first. It makes us think of cattle at a watering-trough. The cattle know no better, but boys and girls do. The polite way is for each to stand back and wait his turn. This is not only the pleasantest but the quickest way for all to be satisfied. If boys and girls are waiting together, every gentlemanly boy will wait for[17] the girls to drink first, and the girls should accept his politeness in a polite manner.
The same remark applies to conduct in the dressing-room before school. Scholars should quietly wait for others to hang up clothing and use the looking-glass, instead of pushing forward to secure the first chance.
These early habits of courtesy or rudeness will cling to us through life. When we see people rushing for the best seats in cars or steamboats, and crowding others aside at counters and railroad restaurants, we may be reasonably sure they are those who, when boys and girls at school, pushed others away from the looking-glass and the drinking place.
In speaking of occurrences, we must not say, "I and James went." We ought to speak of ourselves last in all cases, except where mischief has been done, when we should relate our own share first.[18]
| Why especially important. Noisy and boisterous conduct. Calling to any one across the street. Obstructing the sidewalk. Meeting and passing persons, crossing over, and taking leave. Returning salutations. Carrying an umbrella. Eating in the street. Throwing things on the sidewalk. Marking walls and fences. Looking at windows of private houses and pointing at objects. Staring at or laughing at infirmities. Answering questions. Offering assistance. Incidents. |
Manners on the street are especially important, because many see us there who never see us elsewhere, and they will judge us and our home and school training by our good or bad behavior there.
Noisy and boisterous conduct on the street is always unbecoming. No well-bred boy or girl will ever try to attract attention there. To make one's self conspicuous in public is a sure sign of ignorance and ill-breeding.
If we wish to speak to a person on the other side of the street, though it be only a schoolmate, the proper way is not to call to him, but to cross over quietly and speak. If we wish to look behind us, we should not twist the head around, but turn the whole body.
It is extremely rude to walk three or four together, unless in an unfrequented street, or to stop on corners to talk.
In meeting persons, we must turn to the right, and never take more than our share of the sidewalk, and give an old person or a lady more than half. In passing people, we should be careful not to crowd or jostle them; it is better to step off the sidewalk to pass an older person than to do this. If we are walking with any one, and wish to take leave or cross[22] the street, we should step behind and not in front of our companion. A boy should be as careful as a gentleman to give a lady the inside of the walk.
When we meet an acquaintance we must not say, "Halloa!" but give or return the proper salutation. Our tone and manner should be cordial to all and respectful to older people. For a boy or girl to bestow upon a teacher or any older person a patronizing nod instead of a courteous bow, or a curt "Good morning" or "Good evening" with the rising inflection on the last syllable, is an impertinence. Even little boys should learn to lift their hats to ladies, and also to gentlemen entitled by age or position to this mark of respect.
We must keep step with the person with whom we are walking, if we would not make an awkward appearance. It is proper for a younger person to accommodate his pace to that of an older, and a gentleman must keep step with a lady.
If we see any one fall in the street, we should never be so rude as to laugh, but should hasten to help if help is needed.
If we speak to a stranger by mistake, we should ask pardon; and if one speaks to us, we should gracefully accept his apology, as if the mistake were most natural, not adding to his embarrassment by our manner of cold surprise.
If we have occasion to ask directions of a stranger, we should say, "Will you please tell me if this is the road to Lynn?" rather than "Say! is this the road[23] to Lynn?" We should never fail to give cordial thanks for information.
In holding an umbrella over any one, we must carry it high enough, give more of it than we take, and in meeting other umbrellas give them their share of room.
It is ill-mannered to eat anything in the street. No rubbish, such as paper, nutshells, or orange-peel, should be thrown on the sidewalk: there is a proper place for such things; and we ought to have too much regard for the neat appearance of our streets to litter them.
In this connection, let us remember that to mark on walls or fences anywhere not only violates the right of property, but is exceedingly ill-bred. If we see names scrawled in public places, we may be sure the persons thus making themselves conspicuous are not ladies or gentlemen.
We should never stare at windows of private houses, and never point at any person. Another rude thing often done is to ask a ride of a stranger, or, worse still, to steal one by jumping on his carriage without asking.
If we see those who are lame or deformed, we should not call attention to them, or look at them ourselves in a way to remind them of their infirmities.
If strangers inquire the way of us, we should answer their questions politely. We should give directions with clearness, and cheerfully go out of our way to point out a street or building. Sometimes[24] we see on the street persons from the country, who seem bewildered by the noise and bustle, and uncertain which way to go. In such cases, especially if they are old or infirm, we should ask in a kind way if we can be of service; and we should be glad to help them out of their difficulty, even if it costs us time and trouble. The following incident illustrates this street politeness:—
"As I was walking along a street of a large city," says the writer, "I saw an old man, who seemed to be blind, walking along without any one to lead him. He went very slowly, feeling with his cane, and was walking straight to the curbstone. Just then a boy who was playing near the corner left his playmates, ran up to the old man, put his hand through his arm and said, 'Let me lead you across the street.' He not only helped him over one crossing, but led him over another, to the lower side of the street. Now this boy thought he had only done a kindness to a poor old man, but in reality he had taught a lesson of true politeness to his playmates and to every person who saw the act."
| Why most important of all. Politeness to parents. Politeness between brothers and sisters. Politeness to servants. Illustrated by story. Treatment of company:— Grown-up company,—callers and visitors,—young company. |
Our manners at home are of more importance than our manners anywhere else, for several reasons: we spend more time at home than elsewhere; our own family have stronger claims upon us than strangers; they love us best and do most for us, and they are entitled not only to our love but to every courtesy and attention from us. It is a sad thing to see a boy or girl polite and kind away from home and to strangers only, while at home he is rude, selfish, and heedless of every law of good behavior. If we are always polite in our own homes, we shall be sure to be polite in other people's homes. If we do not forget to say "Good morning" and "Good evening" to each member of our family, we shall not forget to say them to others.
If a child has fruit or candy, he ought not to sit down by himself to eat it, without offering some to his companions.
In olden times it was quite common for a young man in writing to his father to address him as "Honored Sir." While these formal modes of speech may be out of place in our time, we should so keep the commandment to honor our parents that its spirit shall be seen in our every-day conduct.[28]
Children should in all things make parents first and themselves last. A boy ought to show his mother every attention that he would to any lady. He should remove his hat when coming to speak to her, let her pass through a door before him, pick up any article she may drop, give her the inside of the walk, help her into a carriage, show her into the pew at church, and wait upon her everywhere. He has similar duties to his sisters; but girls cannot expect politeness from, unless they give it to, their brothers.
We should say "Please" when asking a favor from our own family. Children should say "Please" and "Thank you" to servants, and should never laugh at their mistakes or hurt their feelings.
Here is an illustration of two ways of treating a mistake. A servant-girl who had been but a little while in this country had never seen any radishes. When the dinner was sent home from market one day, a bunch of radishes came with the other vegetables. She supposed they were to be cooked like the rest, so she carefully cut off the tops and boiled them, then dished them up on a small white platter, and placed them on the table with a satisfied look. A boy in the family burst into a loud laugh and exclaimed, "I guess you never saw any radishes before, Mary; you've spoilt them." It was necessary then to explain the mistake, which had better been done quietly after dinner; and the poor girl retired in confusion to shed tears of mortification over her ignorance. After dinner this boy's little[29] sister said to a visitor, "The radishes did look so funny and small on the dish that I thought I should laugh, but I knew Mary would feel bad if I did, so I looked at my plate and tried to think of something else."
It is easy to decide which of these children illustrated politeness to servants.
If our parents are away when visitors come, or too busy to see them at once, it is our place to show them in politely, take a gentleman's hat, or a lady's wrappings if she wishes to remove them, offer a comfortable chair, show them anything that we think will interest them, and entertain them as well as we can until older people are at liberty. When they are busy with company we should not trouble them with any request that can wait.
If friends of our parents are visiting them, we should do all we can to make the visit pleasant, and should help our mothers even more than usual, that they may have more time for the visitors. If we can take care of younger brothers or sisters, it will often be a great relief to them and the company besides.
A lady once went to visit a friend whom she had not seen for years. There was much to talk about, and both felt that the afternoon would be all too short. Think how surprised and pleased the visitor was when her friend's little daughter, instead of staying in the room and teasing her mother with all manner of questions, as children often do in such cases, took her baby brother upstairs and amused him until[30] tea-time, so that her mother might have a quiet afternoon with her friend. You may be sure the lady will never forget that little girl's thoughtful politeness.
We should not enter visitors' rooms without knocking, or sit down without being invited; neither should we take up anything belonging to them, or ask questions about it. We should try not to be tiresome or disagreeable.
When young people come to visit us we should remember that their entertainment is our affair. We should treat them precisely as we would want to be treated at their houses. It is rude to criticise their dress or anything belonging to them, or to ask inquisitive questions about their homes. We should talk about the things they are interested in, play the games they like, show them our toys and books, and have regard to their preferences in every occupation and amusement.
Home ought to be the happiest place in the world, and the daily practice of genuine politeness toward each other will do much to make it so. Every little seed of courtesy, kindness, and consideration for others sown in the home circle will spring up and bear many more after its own kind, which shall be scattered, like the seeds in nature, by winds and waters, and shall be a blessing to the world wherever they may fall.
| Respectful treatment at all times. Mistakes in grammar and pronunciation. Attention to remarks and questions. Patience in repeating answers. What to talk of and read to them. Waiting upon them and saving steps. Giving them the best seats. Helping them first at table. Giving up seats in cars and public places to them. Never letting them feel in the way. |
No person, however high his position, is so entitled to respect and attention as one with white hair and bent figure. No young person of right feeling and good-breeding will ever fail in politeness toward the old. The Bible commands us to reverence the aged, and in one place says, "Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honor the face of the old man." Even among the lowest races of men respect for old people is almost universal.
There is a story of an Indian which illustrates this. The writer tells us that many years ago, on the banks of the Kennebec River, he saw an Indian coming across in his canoe. He had his wife with him and a very old woman covered with a blanket. When he reached the shore he kindled a fire, took out the old woman in his arms and laid her down tenderly by it. He then cooked some food and gave it to her, while he and his wife waited until she had finished eating. Seeing the gentleman observing him, he pointed to the aged woman and said, "It is my mother."
In China disrespect to the aged is unknown, and disobedience to parents has been punished with death.
We cannot expect to be honored when we are old, unless we honor the old when we are young.[34]
Almost every one has read the story of "The Wooden Bowl," which well illustrates what has just been said.
An old man who had a home with his son had become so infirm that he could no longer work. His son treated him unkindly, and grudgingly gave him his scanty portion of coarse food, making the poor old man feel that he was considered a burden by his own child. Matters grew worse until at last he was not allowed to come to the table. His son made for him a rude wooden bowl, from which he ate his food in the kitchen.
One day this son saw his own little boy at work with his jackknife on a piece of wood. "What are you doing, my child?" he asked. "I am making a wooden bowl like grandpa's, for you to eat out of when you are old, father," said the child.
This answer made such an impression upon the son, showing him what treatment he had a right to expect from his own children after the example he had given them, that from that time he treated his old father with the respect and kindness he himself wished to receive in his old age.
We should never laugh at mistakes in speech. The old-fashioned expressions that seem so queer to us may have been right when those who use them were young. Some of our ways of speaking will probably seem as strange to young people when we are old as theirs do now to us, so we are laughing at ourselves beforehand. Then we should remember[35] that years ago school privileges were not so great as they are now. Children then went to school but little in comparison with us, and their speech was not watched and corrected by teachers as ours is. We ought never to criticise mistakes in the aged as we would in our little brothers and sisters: it is disrespectful; and besides they are too old to change habits.
We should listen with attention and with no sign of impatience to all they say, answer their questions kindly, and not contradict, even if through forgetfulness the same question is often asked and mistakes are made. If they are childish and sometimes fault-finding, we should treat them with the gentleness we would show to a little child, together with the respect that belongs to gray hairs.
If they are hard of hearing, we should repeat patiently and gently and never shout an answer.
When we talk with them we should talk of what they care for, even if it is what we are not interested in. If we try, we can generally become interested for their sakes. We should be willing to read to them articles and books that may seem prosy to us; we ought to think how long the days must seem to those who are too feeble to go out as we do, and we should be glad to do what we can to entertain them.
We should cheerfully wait upon old people, and let them feel that young hands and feet are glad to take the place of theirs. There are countless little services which we can perform for them: we can[36] bring grandfather his hat and cane, find a place in the paper for him with our bright eyes, thread grandmother's needle, pick up dropped stitches in her knitting, hunt for her glasses when she loses them, and run on errands for them both.
They ought to have the most comfortable chairs, in winter the warmest seats by the fire, and in the evening the place where their failing eyes shall have the best light.
If we are sitting in the only rocking-chair in the room, or in the easiest one, and an old person enters, we should immediately rise and offer it to him, not simply ask if he would not like it.
At the table we should see that old people are helped first and their wants carefully attended to.
In cars or public places, a boy or girl should never allow an old man or woman to stand, but should hasten to give up a seat and insist on its being taken, especially if the person is poorly dressed.
The following story of what happened long ago in the famous old city of Athens well illustrates this point:—
A play was to be performed at the principal theatre of Athens, and the seats were soon taken. When the theatre was full, an old man came in and looked around for a seat. He was quite infirm and could not stand long. He looked first one way and then another. At length he saw a party of young Athenians beckoning to him. He tried to get to them, which he had to do by climbing over seats and pushing[37] through the crowd; and, when at last he reached them, they sat down, and, instead of giving him the seat he had expected, took up all the room, leaving the old man standing.
In this theatre were some seats fitted up for strangers. These were filled by young Spartans, who, when they saw the behavior of the Athenians, were much displeased, and beckoned to the old man to come to them. When he was near them they all rose and received him with the greatest respect. The whole assembly, seeing this, could not help bursting into a shout of applause.
The old man then said, "The Athenians know what is right, but the Spartans practise it."
Above all things, we should never let the old feel that they are in the way, or that it is a relief when they leave the room. They are usually sensitive to anything like a slight, and their feelings are quickly hurt by real or seeming neglect.[38]
| Promptness in coming to the table. When to be seated. Waiting one's turn to be helped. Beginning to eat before others. Asking for articles of food,—how, when, and where. Criticism of food on the table. Use of napkin, knife, fork, and spoon. Haste in eating. Attention to wants of others. Conduct in case of accidents. Mention of unpleasant subjects. Use of toothpick. When and how to leave the table. Quietness of movement. Observance of table manners in others. |
It is not polite to linger after being called to the table. When the bell is rung, or any other summons given, it is to be supposed that the meal is ready, and the call should be promptly obeyed. Food does not improve by waiting, and unnecessary delay is rudeness to the persons at whose table we sit, whether our own parents or strangers. When we know the hours for meals we should plan to be ready for them.
Until the lady of the house takes her seat, other persons should not take theirs. In taking our seats we should be careful not to jar the table.
Each one should quietly wait his turn to be helped. Children sometimes pass their plates as soon as they are seated, or begin to handle knife, fork, and spoon as if they were in hungry haste. They should wait for visitors and older persons to be helped first, and brothers should wait for their sisters. A story is told of a little girl, five years old, who at a large dinner party was overlooked until the company had finished the first course. She waited before her empty plate in perfect quietness until some one noticed her,—bravely trying to keep back the tears,—because she thought it was the polite and proper thing to do. This was carrying polite waiting further[42] than was necessary, but was much better than the rude haste too common among children.
It is polite to wait until all or nearly all are helped before beginning to eat; and children should never begin before older people.
It is not polite to ask for things at other tables than our own or those of intimate friends who expect it of us. The persons at whose table we sit are expected to supply our wants without our making them known. In asking we must not forget to say, "Please pass the bread," or whatever we wish for, and to say, "If you please," "Yes, thank you," or "No, thank you," when we accept or decline what is offered. We should ask for any article by name, and never point at the dish. Ill-mannered children sometimes ask for pie or pudding or oranges before they are brought on, instead of waiting for the courses in their proper order, and even have been known to make their entire dinner on the dessert. One is apt to think such children are not accustomed to dainties in their own homes, or they would not be so greedy for them.
We should never say, "I don't like that," if something is offered we do not wish to eat, but simply decline it beforehand or leave it upon our plates without remark; and under no circumstances should we criticise what is on the table.
There is a proper, graceful way to handle napkin, knife, fork, and spoon, and we should study to learn this way and to avoid the clumsy awkwardness in[43] these little things that marks the person unused to good society.
To eat fast is one of the bad habits of American people which we ought to avoid. If acquired in childhood, it will be hard to overcome, and will cause us much mortification when, later in life, we find ourselves with empty plates long before well-bred people in the company have finished theirs. Since we do not leave the table before others, there is nothing gained, even in time, while much is lost in health and in good manners.
We should be attentive to the wants of others, particularly at our own table, and quietly supply them when it is proper to do so, especially in the case of old people and little children. In passing a knife, fork, or spoon to others, we must offer them the handle, not the blade or point, and pass a pitcher with the handle toward them.
If an accident occurs, such as breaking a dish, overturning a glass of water, or dropping food upon the cloth, we should take no notice of it by look or word unless we can repair the mischief, which we should do in a way not to attract attention to the unlucky person.
We should never speak of what is unpleasant at the table. If we have bad news to tell, this is not the place to tell it. Sickness, accident, death, and whatever is painful to hear, should not be discussed any more than what is disagreeable. Neither is the table the place to talk of work or business details,[44] but subjects should be chosen that all are interested in. No one should be allowed to scold or find fault at meal time. Cheerful conversation is good for digestion as well as enjoyment. Each one should be in his best mood at the table, and the hours which families spend together there ought to be among the happiest of the day.
Solomon understood this matter when he said, "Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith."
No well-bred person would for a moment think of using a toothpick at the table, still less a fork or a pin in place of a toothpick.
No one, either a grown person or a child, should leave his seat until the lady of the house rises, unless there is good reason for doing so, when he should politely ask her to excuse him. In rising, the chair should not be pushed back from the table, but lifted quietly with the hands, and left in its proper position. Every movement at the table should be made with as little noise as possible. All moving of feet, leaning upon the table, jostling of dishes, or clatter of knives and forks, shows ignorance of table manners.
If we observe the manners and customs of others in society to which we have not been accustomed, we shall be often saved from blunders. If those in company with us make mistakes, we should be governed by the same rule as in case of accidents,—not take notice unless we can undo or cover the mistake.[45] An incident is related of a certain king which illustrates this true politeness.
At the royal table on one occasion were two ladies from an obscure provincial town who were unused to the customs of city and court. When tea was brought in they poured some from the cup into the saucer to cool it. The king saw a smile go around the table at their expense, and, with politeness worthy of a king, he hastened to pour his own tea into the saucer, upon which every person at the table felt obliged to follow the royal example, and the two strangers were spared the mortification of discovering that they had done anything unusual.[46]
| Entering and taking leave. Removal of hat and care of wrappings. Various courtesies. Staring at or speaking of defects and infirmities. Treatment of accidents and mistakes. Whispering, laughing, and private conversation. Attention to one's dress or matters of toilet. Sitting still gracefully. Inattention to the company we are in. Introductions. Giving proper titles. Attention in conversation,—illustration. Attention to reading or music. Looking over another's shoulder. Reading letters. Interest in what is shown us. Asking questions of strangers. Contradicting statements. Doing our part. |
When we make a call upon a friend, we should speak to each person in the room when we enter and when we leave, but at a party or other formal gathering it is not necessary to take leave of any except the host and hostess, to whom we must also speak as soon as we arrive. A visit is a more important matter than a call, and at its close, we should take pains to bid good by to each one of the household, expressing to those who have entertained us, when we can do so with truth, our enjoyment of the visit, and our wish to have them visit us.
It is polite to write as soon as possible to those whom we have been visiting: they wish to know of our safe arrival at home; and a letter also gives us opportunity to say any pleasant thing about the visit that we may have forgotten or omitted.
Upon entering any house a gentleman or gentlemanly boy will remove his hat, and never allow it upon his head inside the door.
When the streets are muddy or snowy, we should carefully wipe our feet or remove our overshoes at the door; and in stormy weather we must take care that dripping waterproofs and umbrellas are put where they will not injure carpets or paper.[50]
When the company are putting on their wrappings to go home, it is polite to offer assistance, particularly to those older than ourselves.
A gentleman should allow a lady to pass through a door before him, holding it open for her. We ought not to pass in front of others if we can go behind them; but if it is necessary to do so, we should ask them to excuse us. A gentleman should go upstairs before a lady, and behind her coming down, taking care not to step on her dress.
If a handkerchief or other article is dropped, we should hasten to pick it up and restore it to the owner. In handing a pair of scissors, a knife, or any pointed article, we ought to turn the point toward ourselves.
It is rude to stare at people in company, especially if they are unfortunate in any way or peculiar in appearance; neither is it polite to allude to a personal defect or ask a question about its cause, even in the kindest manner. The same rule applies here as in case of family misfortune or bereavement, that if persons suffering the affliction wish it mentioned, they will speak of it first themselves. To do as we would be done by is the rule of real politeness in all these cases.
If an accident happens to persons or their dress, or if their dress is out of order, if we can give assistance we should do so in a quiet way without attracting attention; if we cannot be of use, we should take no notice of the misfortune. The same principle of[51] good-breeding will keep us from laughing at mistakes or accidents.
To exchange glances with another, to whisper, or to laugh unless others know what we are laughing at, is even ruder than to stare, and no one who is polite will do these things. In company is not the place to tell secrets or carry on personal or private conversation.
We should see that our dress is in order before we enter the room, and then neither think nor speak of it. To look in the glass, smooth one's gloves and laces, or play with rings or chain, seems like calling attention to our dress, and is in bad taste. It would seem unnecessary here or anywhere to say that attention to finger-nails, which is a matter of the toilet for one's chamber, is inexcusable, if we did not sometimes see persons in the presence of others take out pocket-knives for this purpose.
It is a common saying that people unused to society do not know what to do with their hands and feet. The best direction that can be given is to do nothing. Let them take easy positions of themselves, and think no more about them. To sit still gracefully is an accomplishment worth acquiring, and it should be studied by boys and girls as well as grown people. The necessity for it comes so often in life that we should learn to do it well. We should not sit on the edge or corner of a chair, or tilt it backward or forward.
Drumming with the fingers on tables or chairs,[52] rocking rapidly back and forth, or looking out of the window, as if we were more interested in things outside than in those in the room, should never be done. It is well said that "if in company we are absent in mind, we had better be absent in body." "Forget yourself" is one of the best and broadest precepts of good behavior; but we should never forget others.
It is often our duty in society to introduce persons to each other, and we should study to do this gracefully. It is said of Alice Cary that she had such a happy way of giving introductions as to make each person feel specially honored. We should introduce a gentleman to a lady, saying, "Mr. Smith, Miss Jones," if we use this simplest form of introduction, and not "Miss Jones, Mr. Smith," as is often done. We should introduce a younger person to an older, unless it be one of our own family, when, "My aunt, Mrs. Brown, Miss Jones," is proper. We should introduce strangers to each other at the table and elsewhere before they have time to feel awkward at not being able to speak. Great pains should be taken to pronounce distinctly the names of those introduced. Too often each person hears only his own.
We should speak of people as Mr., Mrs., or Miss, except with intimate friends, giving particular titles when proper, and never allude to any one as "Old Smith," or "Old Miss Jones."
To make ill-natured remarks about the absent shows a want of good-breeding as well as good feeling.[53]
No one should make himself conspicuous in company by loud laughing and talking. To make remarks intended to be overheard, especially remarks meant to be funny, is clownish,—and to be a society clown is a very low ambition.
We must not interrupt one who is speaking, and must pay attention to remarks addressed to the company. If a person is speaking to us we ought to listen attentively, even if we are not interested, and not hurt his feelings by letting our eyes wander from him or showing other signs of impatience. A good listener is as welcome in society as a good talker, and often more so, because every one who talks likes to be listened to with appreciative attention.
Those who have read "The Wide, Wide World" will remember an instance of little Ellen Montgomery's good-breeding in this respect, when she was visiting at Ventnor.
"Ellen is a fascinating child," said Mrs. Gillespie, "I cannot comprehend where she gets the manners she has. I never saw a more perfectly polite little girl."
"I have noticed the same thing often," said Miss Sophia. "Did you observe her last night when John Humphreys came in? You were talking to her at the moment. Before the door was opened, I saw her color come and her eyes sparkle, but she did not look towards him for an instant till you had finished what you were saying to her, and she had given, as she always does, her modest, quiet answer, and then[54] her eye went straight as an arrow to where he was standing."
When any one is reading aloud, playing, or singing, we ought to give him the same close attention we would wish to receive if we were in his place. Talking or moving about at such times is unpardonably rude, and also looking at the clock as if we were impatient for the performer to finish.
We should never interrupt with questions or remarks a person engaged in reading or writing, and to look over the shoulder of one so employed is impertinent.
If letters are brought to us, we should not open and read them in company unless they require immediate attention, when we should ask to be excused for doing so.
We should give interested attention to books, pictures, views, or games shown us for our entertainment, and express pleasure and admiration when we can with truth. If an article or a letter is given us to read, we should not hand it back without remark, or begin to read something else, as is often done by people who ought to know better, but we should thank the one who showed it to us, speak of it politely, and if there is anything about it we can commend, do so.
If we have occasion to make an inquiry of a stranger, we should preface it with, "Excuse me," "Pardon me," or, "I beg your pardon," unless we use the simpler form, "Will you please tell me," in beginning our question.[55]
It is ill-bred to contradict, especially if the one addressed be an older person. If a person says in our hearing that the lecture was given Thursday evening, when it was really Wednesday, or that Miss Green was at the concert with Miss White when we know that Miss Gray was her companion, it is not our place to embarrass the speaker by setting him right. If we are appealed to, or if there is good reason why we should correct the statement, we should do so politely, with an apology for the correction.
We ought to be willing in company to contribute our share to the general entertainment. Unless we are willing to give as well as receive, we had better stay at home. It is ill-mannered to read aloud, sing, or play to others unless we are invited to do so; but if a request is made, it is much more polite and agreeable to the company for us to comply cheerfully, and do the best we can, than to wait for much urging and then to burden the listeners with apologies before we begin. If we do not feel able to do what is asked of us, we should politely but positively decline at first.
If games are proposed, unless there is some good reason for our doing so, it is not polite to decline taking part, saying, "I will see the rest play." If all did this, nobody would be entertained. It is much more the part of good manners to enter heartily into the amusement of the hour, and do our best to make it a success.[56]
It is this spirit of readiness to help on things that makes useful members of society, and the more earnestly boys and girls cultivate it the more fit they will be for their duties as citizens. We ought not to be content to be ciphers anywhere. As significant figures, we shall be of more value in the world, be happier ourselves, and make others happier.
| Punctuality. Manner of entering. Courtesy toward ladies. Courtesy toward strangers. Whispering, laughing, and moving about. Dress at church. Turning the head to see who comes in. Attention to the service. Dropping hymn-books. Manner of leaving. |
We should try never to be late at church; it is a disrespect to the place and the worship; it breaks in upon the service, takes the attention of people from it, and disturbs the minister. If we are late, we must not go in during prayer time, but wait near the door.
We should enter a church quietly and soberly. Boys should be as particular as gentlemen to remove their hats at the door, not half-way up the aisle, and to open the pew door for ladies to pass in first. If they are in the pew beforehand, they should rise and pass out for ladies to enter.
When a seat is given us in a strange church, we should not take it without acknowledgment. We should welcome strangers to our pew, hand them a book with the place found, and invite them to come again. If we notice any one near us who cannot find the hymn or place to read, we should quietly pass him our open book.
It is worse to whisper or laugh in church than anywhere else, for it is not only ill-bred but irreverent. We should avoid moving about in our pews, looking around at people, opening or shutting books, and whatever disturbs the quiet of the place.
It is not in good taste to wear much jewelry at[60] church, or showy articles of any kind that will attract attention. A house of worship is no place for striking effects in costume, such as might be proper at a party or place of amusement.
We often see persons in church turn their heads whenever the door is opened, to see who is coming in. Such a disregard of good manners well deserved the rebuke it received once from a Scotch minister, who, annoyed by this habit, astonished his congregation one Sunday morning by announcing to them the name of each late comer as he entered.
If we cannot give respectful attention to the service, we had better stay at home, and not disturb those who go to church to worship.
The clergyman is often annoyed by the dropping of hymn-books or prayer-books noisily into the rack, especially at the close of the last hymn, when he is waiting to pronounce the benediction. This might be done as well and better without any noise whatever.
It is rude in the extreme to seize hats and rush for the door as soon as the last word is said, or to engage at once in idle chatter and laughter. There should be a reverent pause, and then we should pass slowly and quietly down the aisle. It is ill-bred to seem in haste to be gone. Unless we can sit through the service with patience, we should not attend it. Looking at the clock or taking out one's watch during service comes under the same condemnation as leaving with unbecoming haste at the close.
| Punctuality. Finding seats. Waiting with quietness. Gazing about and making criticisms. Talking and laughing,—story. Looking at watches and clocks. Applause. Doing fancy work. Courtesy to others. Time and manner of leaving. |
When we attend a lecture, concert, or other entertainment, we should go in season: to enter after the performance begins is a discourtesy to the performers and an annoyance to every person in the audience. If we are obliged to be late, we should wait for a favorable time, and then be seated quickly and quietly.
When there is a choice of seats we have a right to take the best that remain when we arrive; but this right offers no excuse for us to push and elbow other people, or to obtain such seats by crowding others aside. It is better to have the poorest seat in the house or none at all than to sacrifice good manners and self-respect. We often see disgraceful exhibitions of selfishness at entertainments on the part of people who pride themselves at home and in company on their politeness.
If we are too early, or if there is delay in commencing, we should wait with well-bred quietness. Nothing marks more surely the ill-bred person than noisy demonstrations of impatience at waiting. This is one of the occasions to practise the graceful sitting still which has been spoken of in the lesson on manners in society.[64]
It is not polite to gaze at those around us, still less to make remarks about them or their dress.
Loud talking and laughing, and all conduct calculated to make ourselves conspicuous, should be avoided. The people who attract attention in these ways will be likely to eat candy, nuts, and popped corn while the exercises are going on, and to violate propriety in other ways.
Whispering during a performance is an offence against good manners; yet it is surprising how common the offence is. School children know how the visitors on examination days often talk to each other throughout the exercises, to the great disturbance of the whole school as well as the teacher, and this recollection ought to make them more careful to avoid the impoliteness themselves. Many people seem to attend places of amusement for the sole purpose of talking with their friends. They will hold long discussions upon dress, cooking, and family matters, as if no music or speaking were in progress, and as if no one else cared to hear more than they. If we do not go to a concert to hear the music, we have no right there; and the same is true at all public entertainments.
It is related of Margaret Fuller that at one of Jenny Lind's concerts her evening's enjoyment was destroyed by some rude young people who whispered incessantly, laughed at each other's foolish jokes, and paid no attention to the wonderful music. At the close of the concert she sent for the young girl whose[65] behavior had been most noticeable to come to her. The girl was much flattered by the request from so distinguished a person, though she was at a loss to account for it. As she appeared with an air of pleased curiosity, Margaret Fuller said to her, "I hope that never again in your life will you be the cause of so much annoyance and pain to any one as you have been to me this evening."
It is to be hoped that this rebuke, with the good advice given with it to this thoughtless girl, was a lesson in good manners which she and her companions never forgot.
To take out one's watch or to turn the head to look at the clock is like saying we are impatient to go, and must be disturbing to the speaker. If it is necessary for us to look at a watch, we should do so without its being seen, and should stifle in our pockets the click of shutting it.
It is rude to applaud noisily: we can be enthusiastic in applause without being boisterous.
Some ladies have a habit of carrying fancy work to places of amusement. If they knit or crochet before the performance begins, it is a foolish parade of industry which is probably not carried out at home; but if they continue the occupation after one begins to sing or speak or read, it is impertinent, and extremely annoying to the speaker. It seems like saying that his words are not worthy of undivided attention, but are of so little consequence that one can take in their meaning and beauty while counting stitches and studying patterns.[66]
We should be mindful of little courtesies to those near us, such as handing our programme or opera-glass to one who has none. If a question is asked about the performance, we should answer with cordial politeness and cheerfully give any information we can.
We should never leave the hall while the performance is going on. It is, like coming in late, an affront to the performers and to the audience. Usually, if we cannot stay until the close, we should stay away. If there is any urgent reason, such as taking a train, for our leaving before the close, we should do so between the parts of a performance, and as noiselessly as possible. When we stay to the end we should remain seated and give our attention until the last word is uttered. The speaker usually keeps his best effort for the close, and he should not be embarrassed, or those listening be disturbed, by the confusion of preparations for departure. To reach the door a minute or two sooner, or to get the best seats in a car, is not worth the rudeness it requires. We shall never be guilty of it if we only apply the Golden Rule and consider how we should feel in the speaker's place.
| Shutting doors. How to ask for articles in stores. Making trouble for clerks. Handling goods. Finding fault with articles or prices. Courtesy to other customers. Courtesy to clerks. Conduct in the post-office,—entering in crowds, not waiting for others, noise and rudeness. Visiting railroad stations. Two things to consider. |
On entering or leaving a store in cold weather we should consider the comfort of those behind the counters and shut the door, if there is no one whose business it is to do it for us. We ought to state clearly and definitely what we want to buy, and patiently explain if the clerk, through inexperience or dulness, does not at first understand our request.
A good supply of patience and politeness is needed in shopping, and a true lady or gentleman will not lose temper or forget good manners, even if a clerk is impertinent or disobliging.
We should not make unnecessary trouble for clerks by asking them to take down and unfold piece after piece of goods for us to examine, if we have no intention of buying. Many ladies do this habitually, because they enjoy it, and then wonder that the clerks are not more polite. If we wish merely to examine before buying at some future time, it is better to say so, and then the merchant or clerk will not be disappointed if we do not purchase.
We should handle delicate fabrics in stores as carefully as if they were our own, and not tumble them over, leaving ribbons and laces in tangled heaps, especially if we do not buy.
We should not find fault with the quality of articles.[70] If we are not satisfied, it is enough to say that the goods do not suit us, without making disparaging remarks to the clerk, who has no responsibility in the matter.
It is a sign of ignorance and ill-breeding to haggle over the price of a thing and try to induce the seller to take less for it. In Oriental countries, it is said, the dealer always asks at first four times the price he expects to receive, but in our country this is not customary, and the price stated is supposed to be fair and final. If we think the article is not worth the price, or if it is beyond our means, it is best to say we do not wish to pay so much and leave it. If the dealer can afford to sell it cheaper, and will do so for the sake of our buying, it is his place to offer it for less, not ours to ask. If he asks more than a thing is worth, hoping to take advantage of our need of it or our ignorance, he ought to be punished by our refusal to buy.
We should wait our turn at a counter and regard the convenience of others as well as ourselves. It is not polite to demand the attention of a clerk who is waiting upon another customer, or to take up what another is looking at. If we are in great haste, and customers who seem to have plenty of time are at the counter before us, we may sometimes ask their permission to be waited on while they are looking at goods, apologizing for doing so. If we are sitting at a counter, we should politely give our seat to an older lady, or to one who looks weary.[71]
If a clerk takes uncommon pains to please us, or puts himself to more trouble than we have a right to expect, we must not forget to thank him. If customers are polite and considerate, they seldom have reason to complain of those behind the counter. The same is true at post-offices, railroad stations, and wherever we are served by others.
These general principles of politeness in stores can be applied in all similar public places.
The post-office is often the scene of most unmannerly conduct on the part of boys and girls, especially just after the close of school, when they all rush in for letters. Instead of quietly walking up to the window, one at a time, the boys giving way to the girls when there is but one place of delivery, and both boys and girls waiting for older people, they are apt to go in by dozens, crowding to the window and clamoring for their letters, making themselves extremely annoying to all grown people present.
We should say, "I would like a dozen stamps, if you please," or, "Please weigh this letter," rather than, "I want a dozen stamps," or, "Weigh this letter, will you?"
The post-office is a place of business, like a store or a bank. Our only object in going there is to mail or receive letters, which we should do like any other business,—in a quiet, respectable manner. No one has a right to stand around in the way of others, or to make it a place of idle resort. No well-bred person, even a child, will indulge in loud laughing and talking,[72] staring at or making remarks about people, or other conspicuous behavior here or in any public resort.
A railroad station is also a place of business, and unless it is necessary for us to go there, we had better stay away. In small towns it is quite a fashion for boys and girls to go to the station "to see the cars come in"; but it is not improving to their manners or morals. If they could realize, especially the girls, how out of place they appear standing on platforms, where they have no occasion to be, jostled by passengers and baggage-men, and exposed to the rude remarks of passers-by, they would never go there unnecessarily.
In all public places we should consider, in reference to our conduct, two things: first, the courtesy we owe to others; and second, the respect we owe to ourselves.
| Politeness in the waiting-room. Buying a ticket. Getting on and off the cars. Obtaining and occupying seats. Offering seats to ladies. Leaving seats temporarily. Talking, laughing, and eating. Taking a seat with another. Courtesy toward officials. Courtesy toward fellow-travellers. Conduct if delays occur. Behavior at places for refreshment. A French boy's politeness in travelling. |
Before we fairly begin the journey we want to consider what belongs to good manners at the station.
If the waiting-room is crowded, and there are not seats for all, the young ought cheerfully to give place to older people, especially to old ladies and to mothers with little children in their arms. There is often opportunity here to show little courtesies to others which may brighten their whole day.
To amuse a fretful child for a few moments, or bring it a glass of water when the mother cannot leave other children to do it, or to find the baggage-master and get a trunk checked for a nervous old lady, is a small thing in itself, but it may be more welcome to the receiver under the circumstances than a far greater favor at another time. The comfort or discomfort of a journey is made up of just such small things.
When the ticket window is opened there is no need for us to rush to it or to push aside any one else. Time is given for all to buy their tickets comfortably. We ought, if possible, to hand the exact price of the ticket, and not take the ticket-seller's time to change large bills. For the same reason we should ask for the ticket in the briefest sentence we[76] can frame, and if a question is necessary, put it in the most business-like manner, and thank him for the information given.
We should not attempt to get on the cars while others are getting off: it hinders them and ourselves, and nothing is gained by such unbecoming haste. The much-ridiculed American hurry is well illustrated by a company of people crowding up the steps while another company is crowding down. When we leave the cars it is better to wait until they come to a full stop before rising from our seats. We shall be likely to get out as soon as if we went swaying down the aisle, crowding other people, and in danger of falling headlong when the train finally stops.
What has been said about obtaining seats at places of amusement applies to seats in cars as well. Those who come first have the first choice; but we should not forget good manners in the choosing. We have no right to more room than we pay for, and, unless there are plenty of unoccupied seats, it is rude and selfish to spread out our parcels and wraps so as to discourage any one from asking to sit beside us; yet a well-dressed woman, with her possessions unconcernedly arranged on a seat facing her, ignoring the fact that others are standing in the aisle, is not an uncommon spectacle.
Courtesy in the cars or in a coach is as binding on us as courtesy in the parlor, and never, perhaps, is it better appreciated than by tired travellers.[77]
Good-breeding does not require a gentleman or a boy to offer his seat to any lady who is standing, but he should never fail to do it to an old lady or one with a child in her arms, or one with an inconvenient package; and it is pleasant to see that fine politeness which prompts its possessor to treat every lady as he would wish his mother or sister treated. A lady should not accept such a civility in silence. We too often see her drop into a seat which a gentleman rises to offer as if it were her right, without a word or even a bow of acknowledgment. Such a person has no right to expect a similar courtesy the second time.
If any one leaves his seat for a time without leaving any piece of property in it to show that it belongs to him, he cannot lawfully claim it on returning; but civility should prevent any one from taking it, if he knows it belongs to another.
In travelling, as everywhere in public, noisy conversation and the "loud laugh that speaks the vacant mind" are offensive to good taste. Constant eating of fruit and peanuts is bad manners, and, as has been said before, it is generally associated with loud talking and laughing and other rude behavior.
On long journeys it is necessary to eat luncheons or even regular meals, but this, done in a well-bred way, is a very different thing from the continual eating indulged in by a certain class of travellers.
We should not sit down beside another without asking if the seat is engaged. If a person asks to[78] sit beside us, we should assent with cordiality, not sullenly gather up our bundles, as we often see people do, impatient at having their selfish ease disturbed. It is polite for a gentleman to offer a lady the seat next the window.
We ought to have our ticket ready when the conductor comes around, and not keep him waiting while we hunt for it in bag or pocket.
If a brakeman raises a window or shuts a door for us, we should thank him; and it is polite to thank the train boy who passes us water. We need not be ill-natured because he puts a magazine or prize package in our lap every half-hour. It is not an uncivil thing to do, and it is just as easy for us to receive it civilly, and say in a pleasant tone that we do not care for it, as to add one more snappish answer to the many given him in the course of a day.
We should be watchful of occasions to show politeness to our fellow-travellers. There may be an old lady not accustomed to travelling, anxious and uneasy, to whom we can be of use. We can ask where she is going, and take the burden off her mind by saying, "I will tell you when we come to it."
A gentlemanly boy will not see a lady trying to open or shut a window or reverse a seat without offering to do it for her, any more than a gentleman would.
We should be patient in answering questions, especially from old people. If we are passing objects[79] of interest with which we are familiar, it is polite to speak of them to a stranger sitting near. If we were journeying in the White Mountain region and were well acquainted with it, a stranger by our side would like to know the names of the different peaks, and to have the historic Willey House pointed out to him. One cheerful, obliging person will add to the comfort of the whole company.
If delays occur on the way, and long periods of waiting, as often happen, we should be patient and cheerful over the matter ourselves, and thus help others to be so. Good-nature is contagious at such times. It is of no use to tire the conductor and brakemen with repeated questions: they are rarely responsible for the delay, which is more vexatious to them than to us.
Places for refreshment on a journey, with the brief time usually allowed, afford opportunities to show one's good or ill breeding. It would be better to have no lunch than to struggle for the best place and loudly demand attention, to the exclusion of others. To bring a cup of tea to an old lady, or to the mother who cannot leave her baby to get it herself, is a slight thing for us to do, but it may be a great favor to them.
In an article on the politeness of French children as compared with boys and girls in America, the writer illustrates what he is saying in this way:—
"I was travelling in a compartment with a little French boy of twelve, the age at which American[80] children, as a rule, deserve killing for their rudeness and general disagreeableness. I sat between him and the open window, and he was eating pears. Now most boys in our country of that age would either have dropped the cores upon the floor or tossed them out of the window, without regard to anybody. But this small gentleman, every time, with a 'Permit me, sir,' said in the most pleasant way, rose and came to the window and dropped them out, and then with a 'Thanks, sir,' quietly took his seat. French children do not take favors as a matter of course and unacknowledged. And when in his seat, if an elderly person came in, he was the very first to rise and offer his place, if it were in the slightest degree more comfortable than another; and the good-nature with which he insisted on the new-comer's taking it was delightful to see."
The writer goes on to say that this was not an exceptional boy, but a fair type of the average French child, and his conduct was a sample of what might be seen anywhere, even among the ragged boys of the street. The reason for this state of things is given in the opening sentences of the article:—
"Politeness, with the French, is a matter of education as well as nature. The French child is taught that lesson from the beginning of its existence, and it is made a part of its life. It is the one thing that is never forgotten, and the lack of it never forgiven."
| Care of borrowed articles. What not to borrow. How to return a book. Returning an equivalent. Promptness in returning,—anecdote. |
It is an old saying, "He that goes borrowing goes sorrowing"; but it might often be more truly said of the one to whom the borrower goes.
We should be more careful of a borrowed article than if it were our own. If we are so unfortunate as to injure or lose it, we should replace it, if it can be done; if not, make the best possible apology. We have no right to lend a borrowed thing to an other without the owner's permission. Perhaps nothing is treated in this way oftener than a book. People who consider themselves honest and just will lend a borrowed book to half a neighborhood, and if it is defaced or lost will give themselves no concern about it.
It is not polite to borrow a garment to wear except of a relative or intimate friend. Neither is it good manners to ask for a garment or pattern to cut one by for ourselves: the owner may prefer not to have it copied. If a person admires a garment or pattern belonging to us, and we are willing to lend it, it is our place to offer it without its being asked for.
If a book or article to read is lent us, we should read it promptly, and when we return it say whatever pleasant things we can of it with truth. To send it back without expressing an opinion, or making acknowledgment of the kindness, is inexcusable.[84]
If we borrow something which is not to be returned itself, but its equivalent, we should be careful to return what is of as good or better quality, and as much in quantity, if not a little more, to make up for the trouble of the one who lends to us.
It is not polite to keep a borrowed article long; and if a time for returning it is specified, we should be careful not to neglect doing it when the time comes. If possible, we should return it ourselves, not give it to the owner to carry home or send it by another; and we should never omit to thank the lender. To compel the owner to send for his property is a gross violation of good manners on the part of the borrower. The owner should not send unless he feels that he can wait no longer, or unless the borrower is habitually careless and needs to be taught a lesson.
"I never ask a gentleman to return money he has borrowed," said one man to another.
"How then do you get it?" asked his friend.
"After a while," was the answer, "I conclude he is not a gentleman, and then I ask him."
This reasoning will apply in case of lending other things as well as money.
When we lend we should do so with cordial politeness and not spoil the favor by the half-hearted way in which we offer or grant it; but borrowing should be regarded as a necessary evil, to be resorted to only when it cannot well be avoided. The habitual borrower is a burden to society.
The story of our country in the most reliable and interesting form. As a story-book it easily leads all other American history stories in interest, while as a text-book for the study of history it is universally admitted to be the best.
"It is not a history told in the third person, nor an historical novel for young folks, where the author supposes the chief characters to have thought and said such and such things under such and such circumstances; but it is the genuine description given by the persons who experienced the things they described in letters written home."—Montpelier Journal.
"To tell the story of a nation like ours in a nutshell, requires a peculiar faculty for selecting, condensing, and philosophizing. The brevity with which he relates the principal events in American history, does not detract from the charming interest of the narrative style."—Public Opinion.
"The whole narrative is made interesting and attractive—in every way what a book of this kind should be in its clearness of statement, freshness of style, and its telling of the right ways."—Critic.
"It approaches nearer perfection than anything in the line we have seen. It is succinct, accurate, and delightful."—Hartford Evening Post.
"The history is like a novel, increasing in interest to the very end, and terminating at the most interesting period of the whole; and the reader lays down the book a moment in enthusiastic admiration for a people who have endured so much, and yet have retained so many admirable characteristics."—N.Y. World.
One of the most bright, chatty, wide-awake books of travel ever written. It abounds with information, is as pleasant reading as a story book, and full of the wit and sparkle of "An American Girl" let loose from school and ready for a frolic.
"It is a thrilling story, written in a fascinating style, and the plot is adroitly handled."
It might be placed in any Sabbath School library, so pure is it in tone, and yet it is so free from the mawkishness and silliness that mar the class of books usually found there, that the veteran novel reader is apt to finish it at a sitting.
"A delightful book, original and enjoyable," says the Brownville Echo.
"A fascinating story, unfolding, with artistic touch, the young life of one of our impulsive, sharp-witted, transparent and pure-minded girls of the nineteenth century," says The Contributor, Boston.
Pure, strong, healthy, just what might be expected from the pen of so gifted a writer as Mrs. Cheney. A very interesting picture of life among the New Hampshire hills, enlivened by the tangle of a story of the ups and downs of every-day life in this out-of-the-way locality. The characters introduced are quaintly original, and the adventures are narrated with remarkable skill.
"A wholesome story of home life, full of lessons of self-sacrifice, but always bright and attractive in its varied incidents."
A hearty and healthy story, dealing with young folks and home scenes, with sleighing, fishing and other frolics to make things lively.
"A charming romance of Girlhood," full of incident and humor. The "Seven Daughters" are characters which reappear in some of Miss Douglas' later books. In this book they form a delightful group, hovering on the verge of Womanhood, with all the little perplexities of home life and love dreams as incidentals, making a fresh and attractive story.
"The story is a very attractive one, as free from the sensational and impossible as could be desired, and at the same time full of interest, and pervaded by the same bright, cheery sunshine that we find in the author's earlier books. She is to be congratulated on the success of her essay in a new field of literature, to which she will be warmly welcomed by those who know and admire her 'Prudy Books.'"—Graphic.
"Has the ring of genuine genius, and the sparkle of a gem of the first water. We read it one cloudy winter day, and it was as good as a Turkish bath, or a three hours' soak in the sunshine."—Cooperstown Republican.
Queer only in being unconventional, brave and frank, an "old-fashioned girl," and very sweet and charming. As indicated in the title, is a little out of the common track, and the wooing and the winning are as queer as the heroine. The New Haven Register says: "Decidedly the best work which has appeared from the pen of Miss Townsend."
"This book is one of the most entertaining we have read for a long time. It is well written, full of humor, and good humor, and it has not a dull or uninteresting page. It is lively and natural, and overflowing with the best New England character and traits. There is also a touch of pathos, which always accompanies humor, in the life and death of the tomboy's mother."—Newburyport Herald.
The story of Hive Hall is full of life and action, and told in the same happy style which made the earlier life of its heroine so attractive, and caused the Dick and Daisy books to become great favorites with the young. What was said of the younger books can, with equal truth, be said of Daisy grown up.
| Miss West's Class in Geography By Miss Sparhawk |
| Lessons on Manners By Miss Wiggin |
| Natural History Plays By Louisa Parsons Hopkins |
| Pictures and Stories of Quadrupeds | 
| By |
| Pictures and Stories of Birds | Mrs. | |
| Pictures and Stories of Fishes and Reptiles | Sanborn Tenney | |
| Pictures and Stories of Bees and other Insects | ||
| Pictures and Stories of Sea and River Shells | With 500 illustrations | |
| Pictures and Stories of Sea-urchins and Corals |
| I. | Simple Poems and Easy Rhymes | 
| Edited by Professor |
| II. | Select Poetry for School and Home | Campbell Paper 20c | |
| III. | Choice Poetry for School and Home | net, boards 30c. net | |
| A Kiss for a Blow By Henry Clarke Wright | |||
| Child's Book Of Health By Dr. Blaisdell | |||
These books are well made, good print and paper, strongly bound in boards, with many illustrations, and of an exceedingly interesting character. They are in use for supplementary reading in hundreds of schools in various parts of the country. New volumes will be added to this list from time to time, the object being to furnish good reading for home and school at a low price.
For other supplementary readings see the page headed "Popular Reading for Home and School by Popular Authors."
"A bright, attractive narrative by a wide-awake Boston girl."
"Miss Baker gives us a breezy, entertaining description of these picturesque islands. She is an observing traveller, and makes a graphic picture of the quaint people and customs."—Chicago Advance.
"Your chapters on Puget Sound have charmed me. Full of life, deeply interesting, and with just that class of facts, and suggestions of truth, that cannot fail to help the Indian and the Chinese."—Wendell Phillips.
"A very bright, fresh and amusing account, which tells us about a host of things we never heard of before, and is worth two ordinary books of European travel."—Woman's Journal.
A lively and chatty book of travel, with pen-pictures humorous and graphic, that are decidedly out of the "beaten paths" of description.
"A sparkling account of a European trip by a wide-awake, intelligent, and irrepressible American girl. Pictured with a freshness and vivacity that is delightful."—Utica Observer.
"The utmost that any European tourist can hope to do is to tell the old story in a somewhat fresh way, and Mr. Guild has succeeded in every part of his book in doing this."—Philadelphia Bulletin.
"He has given us a life-picture. Europe is done in a style that must serve as an invaluable guide to those who go 'over the ocean,' as well as an interesting companion."—Halifax Citizen.
| Vasco de Gama: his Voyages and Adventures School edition 60 cents |
| Pizarro: his Adventures and Conquests School edition 60 cents |
| Magellan: or The First Voyage Round the World School edition 60 cents |
| Marco Polo: his Travels and Adventures School edition 60 cents |
| Raleigh: his Voyages and Adventures School edition 60 cents |
| Drake the Sea King of Devon School edition 60 cents |
"Professor Fletcher's noteworthy compilation has been made with rare rhetorical judgment, and evinces a sympathy for the best forms of literature, adapted to attract readers and speakers, and mould their literary taste."—Professor J. W. Churchill, Andover Theological Seminary.
"What can be said that is more eloquent praise than that Charles Dudley Warner has carefully selected three hundred and sixty-four specimens of the choicest things from the world's literature? If there is any subject untouched, we fail to discover it. It is a compendium of the world's eloquence. It is useless to tell who is in here, for everybody is; and it is clear that Mr. Warner has made his extracts with great care. It has the most eloquence ever packed into twice as many pages."
"This is a treatise, at once scientific and practical, on the theory and art of elocution. It treats of the structure of the vocal organs, of vocal culture and expression, of action-language, gesticulation, the use of the body and hands in oratory, etc. There is also a well-arranged collection of extracts for elocution. The work is well adapted for use as a text-book on elocution, and for study by professional students."—Indianapolis Journal.
Pupils in public schools, on declamation days, are limited to five minutes each for the delivery of "pieces." There is a great complaint of the scarcity of material for such a purpose, while the injudicious pruning of eloquent extracts has often marred the desired effects. To obviate these difficulties new "Five-Minute" books have been prepared by a competent teacher.
"We have never before seen packed in so small a compass so much that may be considered really representative of the higher class of oratory."—Boston Transcript.
"The whole art of elocution is succinctly set forth in this small volume, which might be judiciously included among the text-books of schools."—New Orleans Picayune.
"Out of the beaten track" in its course of travel, record of adventures, and descriptions of life in Greenland, Labrador, Ireland, Scotland, England, France, Holland, Russia, Asia, Siberia, and Alaska. Its hero is young, bold, and adventurous; and the book is in every way interesting and attractive.
This story, though essentially a work of fiction, is filled with interesting and truthful descriptions of the curious ways of living of the good people of the land of the rising sun.
"A book full of delightful information. The author has the happy gift of permitting the reader to view things as he saw them. The illustrations are mostly drawn by a Japanese artist, and are very unique."—Chicago Herald.
Graphic pen and pencil pictures of the remarkable bearded people who live in the north of Japan. The illustrations are by native Japanese artists, and give queer pictures of a queer people, who have been seldom visited.
While it has all the exciting interest of a romance, it is remarkably vivid in its pictures of manners and customs in the land of the Hindu. The illustrations are many and excellent.
This gives the further adventures of "Our Boys" of India fame in the land of Teas and Queues.
"After making child-nature a special study, Miss Sparhawk offers this little book as its result. It is designed to be used as a supplementary reader for classes in geography, and in cases of very young children as preparatory to the definitions and statements of text-books, which to children so often mean nothing. Still, the author does not intend that because this book is used all verbal explanations should be done away with; and while it is designed to take the place of aimless and weary work, it is not at all intended to do away with work and substitute play in its stead. The subjects treated preclude that idea. Such topics as the following require study and work on the part of both teacher and pupil: 'The Horizon,' 'Trees,' 'Vegetation,' 'Heat and Moisture,' 'Water-sheds,' 'Sun and Rain,' 'Highways and Barriers,' 'From the Lakes to the Gulf,' 'Cities,' 'Mountains and Rivers,' and many more important topics, including the continents."—School Journal.
"Mr. Ruggles writes briskly: he chats and gossips, slashing right and left with stout American prejudices, and has made withal a most entertaining book."—New York Tribune.
"The author, in his graphic description of these sacred localities, refers with great aptness to scenes and personages which history has made famous. It is a chatty narrative of travel."—Concord Monitor.
Travels in Mexico, with vivid descriptions of manners and customs, form a large part of this striking narrative of a fourteen-months' voyage.
"Mr. Bishop did a very bold thing, and has described it with a happy mixture of spirit, keen observation, and bonhomie."—London Graphic.
"His glowing pen-pictures of 'shanty-boat' life on the great rivers are true to life. His descriptions of persons and places are graphic."—Zion's Herald.
"Mr. Bishop made this journey when a boy of sixteen, has never forgotten it, and tells it in such a way that the reader will always remember it, and wish there had been more."
"During two years he visited mountains, forests, and people, that few, if any, tourists had ever reached before. He carried his camera with him, and photographed from nature the scenes by which the book is illustrated."—Louisville Courier-Journal.
"The peculiar humor of this writer is well known. The British Isles have never before been looked at in just the same way,—at least, not by any one who has notified us of the fact. Mr. Bailey's travels possess, accordingly, a value of their own for the reader, no matter how many previous records of journeys in the mother country he may have read."—Rochester Express.
| Part 1. Simple Poems and Easy Rhymes |
| Part 2. Select Poems for School and Home |
| Part 3. Classic Poems for School and Home |
| Complete in one volume, illustrated, 80 cents net. By mail 85 cents |
| Separate parts in paper covers, 20 cents each, net. By mail 22 cents |
| Separate parts in board covers, 30 cents each, net. By mail 35 cents |
Price, boards, 50 cents
"Synonymes" is the correct spelling in the title of the book, "A Book of English Synonymes."
Obvious punctuation errors were corrected.
Page 83, "acknowledgement" changed to "acknowledgment" (or making acknowledgment)
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