The Project Gutenberg EBook of All (Frightfully Unofficial) about an Old
Friend of mine., by T. C. Gash
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Title: All (Frightfully Unofficial) about an Old Friend of mine.
What he most probably was. What he most certainly will be
and who has done this? Why The Cat.
Author: T. C. Gash
Release Date: November 18, 2011 [EBook #38050]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ALL (FRIGHTFULLY UNOFFICIAL) ***
Produced by Chris Curnow, Anna Whitehead, Diane Monico,
and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at
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Dedicated to the Notice
ALL
What he most probably was,
A General-Private-Joint-Continental-Universal-Everlasting
Respectable-Responsible
At 10 years Service, he has his doubts.
This is the BC of 20 years Service—he—hasn't any doubts
now. Bless you! He knows all about it, and he's going home! To
his—Dinner!!!
HERE IT IS!
AT 40, 50, or 150 years Service, he wonders (ha! ha!) Why
his old heart may not be eased
But he is informed that if he will send in his
resignation first, It will be seen what can be done for him
This generous proposal does'nt satisfy our greedy old
friend, so he comes up to the scratch as usual
Once he dreamt (silly Old boy) he dreamt
He had an IDEA!!!
(His Dream)
(His Dream)
(still his dream.)
(but dreams)
(very happy dreams)
(Are very very seldom)
(REALIZED)
And one Morning
And THIS is the result of his lifes labour
EXTRAORDINARY COINCIDENCE
Having attended a Committee of the most exciting and
exhaustive nature "Somebody" indulges in the traditional "40 Winks".
But the Committee hasn't done with him yet—the "Winks"
are disturbed, and the Phantom of a defunct argument, that He settled
long ago, sits itself rudely on the table, in a Makeshifty sort of way
and insists upon having another "go in".
And so he thinks, He thinks! his income is too small; Why
it's Princely, said the "Shadowy party" whose own "pull" was about
£20,000 a year, He ought to make it do somehow, and if he don't like it
you can manage without him.
There!!!
His harmless Pursuits——
And his simple Tastes,——
Will render him at once the ornament and "Prop" of your
Establisment.—
And if in the ingenuous enthusiasm of his Generous
Nature, he should by chance "run short"; He's not the man to pester you
with Petitions. He has a soul above asking for Money.
Just so—,
Ha! Ha! laughed "Somebody", to "the" great danger of the
"Winks"; Of course, and we shouldn't dream of taking such a scamp. We,
Hem, have always drawn Our staff from a very different class, and why
shouldn't we always do so, We are quite satisfied with them, and our
Business, and our Profits are Increasing yearly.——Upon my word said
"Somebody" everything connected with "Our House" gives me unlimited
satisfaction.
And you are going to make the satisfaction just a leetle
Mutual; Sir, indeed we ought to thank you very much; Said a new and most
impertinent Essence, who appeared, somewhat prematurely, to have made up
his mind, and so settled the question out of hand.
What do you mean, Sir. We don't require your interference
said "Somebody" (who couldn't encourage that sort of thing). I see they
forgot the Doctor, and no doubt your Wife will go to church. Yes, that
sort of thing does cost something, and you couldn't very well stop her,
no, no. And I see you never spend any money for Conveyance, and you
never have any recreation, or change of air; nothing to help through the
dismal monotony of your 12 days holiday in November or February and you
can't even afford "8 hours at the Sea Side" for the Wife and little
ones. In fact you've no money. no comfort! no Pipe! no Glass! no music!
no Paper! no nothing.
Why 50 per cent of you get into debt, and you know it
Said "Somebody" do you think you can decieve me? Why its clear that if
you will really make out a list of The Butcher, The Baker, The Water
rate, The Poor Rate!! and the Income Tax (every penny—poor devil) and
all the other luxuries in which you indulge. Why both ends can't meet
Somebody Somebody, Esquire
And "Somebody" said "I will" so loudly that he woke
himself up.
And "Somebody" who was "Somebody" (may his shadow never
be less) did give his Vote and Interest.Transcriber's Notes
Retained the spelling and punctuation anomalies of the original.
Retained the handwritten text in the illustrations for its artistic
and expressive qualities.
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Old Friend of mine., by T. C. Gash
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