The Project Gutenberg EBook of Lolo, by Kasimir Edschmid This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org Title: Lolo Author: Kasimir Edschmid Release Date: September 18, 2012 [EBook #40790] Language: German Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOLO *** Produced by Jens Sadowski
Mein Mund ist voll von Pfeifen, meine Stirn brennt vor Sonne, mein Zimmer wälzt sich in Licht. Rasend vor Musik ist der Raum. Er ist wie ein großes Tier, das ich liebe um seiner starken Flanken und seiner schmalen Treue . . . O als dein Brief kam, ward Morgen irgendwie in meiner Müdigkeit, mein Bett hob sich um mich weiß und glänzend, und es ward ein blitzschneller Spalt in meinem Schlaf, und ich sah deinen Brief und lachte. Und schlief ein in mein Lachen hinein. Ja, es ward Morgen, eine kleine glühende Spanne nach zwei Nächten, die ich nicht schlief.
Sieh, ganz ist mein Mund voll Pfeifen. Wie war unser Tag neulich voll Lachen. Das Futter des Briefes ist herausgefallen, ich habe es gepackt, als es in Stufen nach dem Boden schwebte. Im habe es gepackt und zerrieben vor Freude, und dann habe ich es geglättet und geküßt und verbrannt.
Du . . . unser Tag . . . als wir über die Brücke gingen. Keines sagte: ich habe dich viele Monate nicht gesehen. Nein. Niemand sagte so. Röte ging rauschend über den Himmel. Türme und Kuppeln schwammen strahlend und dunkel über die Glut des Abends. Wind riß die letzte Sonne durch unser Haar.
Lolo, wir sprachen. Doch unsere Augen zerrten am Himmel. Dann gingen wir ohne Worte. Und plötzlich blieben wir stehen: Du hast ein grünes Kleid . . . Du hast einen hellen Hut. Staunen faßte uns wie Kinder. Wir waren wie auf Inseln eine Begegnung. Du hast ein grünes Kleid . . . O wie war unser Tag voll Gelächter.
Das waren die alten Häuser am Main, auf die die Sonne noch einmal Strudel von Licht stürzte, daß sie erbebten. Das waren alte Pappeln und viele Fischernetze. Das waren viele Dinge, über die wir hätten weinen mögen vor Sehnsucht, aber wir standen im Wind und lachten.
Wir saßen im Dom zwischen armen Leuten und den bösen mittleren Bedrückten, eingekeilt, du, Lolo mit den schönen Hüften. Wie strahlte uns die dunkele Ecke von Holz und das Fenster und das rote Licht. Auch hast du gekniet, einmal, es war eine Verzückung, meine Fingerspitzen rauschten vor Seligkeit, ich hätte dich töten können.
Du warst königlich geworden. Es war mit jedem Schritt, als ob du groß durch eine Wüste kämest. Und die Stille um dich war wie das verknirschte Geheul einer betäubenden Menagerie. Wie waren deine Schenkel stolz und wild. Immer war es: ich müsse ein Wort sagen, platzend von Kraft und überreif vor Süßigkeit und lächelnd mit meinen Händen über deine Wangen hinunterfahren über deine Hüften bis an die Knie, die ich jubelnd empfinde als eine Freudigkeit. Lolo, wie warst du schön, als dein Zimmer dich umgab und die Spiegel und deine Ringe, ich weiß es kaum noch, Sonne rast taumelnd über meinen Tisch. Du hattest viele köstliche Decken, Batik, wohl erinnere ich mich. Lolo, deine Brust schwebte leuchtend unter der Bluse wie das Elfenbein der Psalmen. Wie war dieser Tag dunkeläugig vor Staunen, süß von Gelächter.
Lolo.
Ich habe dich nicht geküßt.
Aber noch höher riß uns wie dieser Rausch die Stunde in dem großen Saal mit blitzendem Silber, dem Weiß, den Lichtern und der Musik von tausend redenden Menschen . . . alles um dich wie ein Wirbel, der dich schmückte, geschart. Als wir einen schönen Fisch zwischen uns teilten und du den burgundischen Wein zwischen dem Rosa deiner Hände hieltest, der wie Wachs war und Öl und nach Erde schmeckte, herb und herbstlich. Wir redeten und unsere Silben liefen wie Schlittschuhläufer atemlos über die Ebene der weißen Decke aufeinander zu und trafen sich maßlos beseelt wie in einem endlosen Raum von Verzückung. Lolo, Traum und Rasen schwellten mich, als wir damals unter Menschen gingen, um allein zu sein.
Und vergiß nicht den kleinen Jungen, der uns den Weg zeigte, die Fassade des Römer in der Nacht, und daß ich einmal nach deiner Hand haschte.
Es war. Es war Ewigkeit. Auch dies.
Du hast mir, als wir noch sehr jung waren, du hast mir vor drei Jahren einmal ins Gesicht geschlagen.
Wie ist dein Gang nun königlich.
Deine Augen, in denen Gefahr ist und über denen ein ewiges Losschnellen hängt, sind mit Güte verdunkelt. Wie groß sie sind.
Als der Bahnhof mit dir entschwebte, als ich fuhr und deinen Rücken sah, der sich vor mir bewegte, fiel die Finsternis gelöschter Laternen wie prallender Regen auf die Halle, die zurücksank.
Ich werde dich auch nicht küssen, wenn du morgen kommst.
Blumen will ich an dein Bild heften an der Wand. Freude soll dich schwellen, wenn du hereintrittst. Vieles will ich dir schenken, viele Sachen, Spitzen und Bilder und Plastiken. Heute Nacht will ich dein Bild mit Blicken in den Raum werfen über meinem Haus, daß es, von meinen Augen rasend gehoben, gleich einem zuckenden Stern über den Himmel zischt. Aber ich werde dich nicht küssen.
Du . . . mein Blut ist wie ein Büffel auf der Steppe im Frühling nach dir. Ich will es dumpf machen, die Herzklappe schließen, daß sie schrundig anschwillt. Will lächeln und die Zunge in den Hals zurückstoßen, daß ich ersticke am eigenen Atem, der nach deinem Mund raucht. Fieber wird mich ausbrennen — ich werde deine Hand halten ruhig und selig wie ein Kind die Schnur seines Drachen, der groß und schön in einem flockigen Abend steht. Werde dem Blut befehlen, nicht weiter zu fließen als die Handgelenke, daß die Finger einfach bleiben. Mögen Katarakte in meine Knie stürzen. Du wirst nicht sehen, wenn sie zittern.
Denn es gibt einen Tag, der bleiben muß, aufgerissen und kühn über jeder Umarmung, die ihn vernichten würde . . . Gibt einen Tag, der bleiben muß . . . Freude (siehe) stirbt in jeder Umarmung. Unendliche Freude unseres staunenden Lachens am ersten Tage wird darin sterben. Lolo, Seligkeit soll einwachsen in unsere Seele zuerst und sicher, bis sie klar darin schwebt wie eine Kuppel in Kathedralen, wie ein Dolch in einem gerundeten Wappen. Darum Lolo, darum will ich mein Blut niederwerfen, wie Moses die Amalekiter hinschlug, indem er die Hand hochstieß, senkrecht in den Himmel.
Dies da ist mehr (und ich weiß es brennend und stärker aus vielen Umarmungen) als eine schwere Nacht mit dir: daß ich später über alles hinweg, was komme, die reine unendlich große Luft der Ewigkeit spüre, wenn ich an dich denke, wie ich es tat, als ich nach Hause ging und den Brief fand, der dich ansagte . . . und als die Schatten noch unbeknospter Birken in Mond und Dämmerung auf den Asphalten froren . . . wie es steht in mir tänzerisch und steil auf der hochgerissensten Welle:
wie du auf der Alten Mainbrüche standest, Wasserruch dich umspannte, letzte Sonne, als der Fluß, ruhiger verströmend, dich plötzlich liebte, Horizont aufbrach um dich, gelb und ungeheuer und dich mit wilden Schreien die Mildheit hundert weißer Möven umflatterte . . .
und dann wie du durch den Laternenabend Frankfurts neben mir gingst in der fließenden Schönheit deines fürstlich grünen Kleides, und, die ich dir in einem Wagen am Ufer gekauft habe, die glasgoldenen Kugeln von zwei Apfelsinen in den Händen strahlend wie deine eigenen Brüste über die Kaiserstraße trugst.
Anmerkung zur Transkription
Quelle: Die weißen Blätter, Verlag der weißen Bücher, Leipzig, 1915, pp. 1259-1262.
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