*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 47907 ***
[1]
Mr. Punch's "Animal Land"
[2]
[3]
"Mr. Punch's"
ANIMAL LAND
·DRAWN & WRITTEN BY·
·E. T. Reed.·
·maker of "PREHISTORIC PEEPS."
:BRADBURY, AGNEW & Co:
·LONDON·
[4]
[5]
There is two kinds of prefisses one if it is by
yourself and the other if you get a swell riter
to do it for you. I'm going to do it by myself because
I have done the talk undeneath the picktures
so nice that I think people would be
greviously diseppointed if Mr. Andrew Lang or
someboddy was to do it instead like he did for Sybil
Corbetts book (thats the other little girl
what started "Animal Land"). He did it awfull
nice of course and then you can get such nice
things into it about your grate tallent and
your emaggynation if he does it. He is so lerned
and drags in illusions to other grate authers but
when you can auth as nice as what I can there
isnt realy no need. If you do it yourself you
must appolergise for it all (they allways do) and
say it shall not accurr again. I am quite at
the openning of my corea (I saw that in the papers)
so I want ellowances made for my stile and imperfect
penship—I want it all put down to yewth.
I have done allmost all the most knowtable
Animals—you cant do evryboddy when youve got
musick and depportment to do too.
(I never thaught I would get to riting a Preffiss
but it is abserdly easey.)
P.S. I lernt to draw off the Veenus of Mealo and that
doesnt help you very much with these picktures. They
are mostly a diffrent stile of art alltogether.
[6]
[7]
Contents.
[10]
[11]
The Hark
No 1.
(Sir William Harcourt.)
[12]
Jugging by his exspresion I should
say he has just heard of some millyonnares
that is past recuvry.
[13]
The Hark
This Animal lives in a Resess in the Forest and
eats Orkids and Primroses. When there is
Krisisses and things about he chuckles ——
He has a Party but it is mostly not there.
[14]
[15]
The Balph
No 2.
(Mr. Arthur Balfour.)
[16]
Why. Ive left out his unkle who is
a moddle of peliteness to foriners.
He goes in for "Peace with—anything."
[17]
The Balph
This fascinating Animal lives chiefly in a "bunker"
and feeds on stymies, cleeks, and voats of censure
it is very clever and has no ennemies but it
simply wont.
[18]
[19]
The Shuv
No 3.
(Mr. Chamberlain.)
[20]
This is not a flattring likness but
there is a great fassination about its
rite eye if you look close
[21]
The Shuv
This Animal is a caution. It gets the best
of it. It likes to live in hot water and has
a nasty bite. It is better to go the other
way
[22]
[23]
The Oom
No 4.
(President Kruger.)
[24]
I wonder why they say this is
"mannifessly inflewnced by
Landsere at his best."
[25]
The Oom
This strange old Animal is a wily one. He
is very clever and disslikes strangers. Its not
a bit of good to try to coax him he only says
rude things and then prays and sings hyms.
The Shuv has tried him all round but he only
grunts and goes on praying
[26]
[27]
The Mailyphist
or
Gossplespredda
No 5.
(Prince Henry of Prussia.)
[28]
The "Kyow Chyow Vissitors List" says
"this is probelly a remarkable peece
of portritcher." It is all theyve seen
of him yet. His voige is certenly
somwhat pretracted.
[29]
The Mailyphist
or
Gossplespredda
This queer little animal lives on the sea as
there is not room for two of them in Germany
It crawls about trying to get to China to fetch
some laurels and to plant shields and cathedrils
and things. If you have such a thing as a little
coal about you it will be very much obliged.
It will get there some day I seppose.
[30]
[31]
The Pawkywit
No 6.
(Lord Rosebery.)
[32]
I have been rather seccessfull in getting
the eger hopeful look into the futesher
in his eyes havnt I
[33]
The Pawkywit
This dear little Animal likes to run
on the turf and that makes the good
ones start praying for him. It does not
like the Hark and has a dainty little way
of hiding itself among books and then it
waits and waits and waits ——
[34]
[35]
The Jook
No 7.
(Duke of Devonshire.)
[36]
The backround of this pickture is considered
by some to be my masterpeace. They say
it is just like a Corrow. I daresay it is.
[37]
The Jook
This Animal is very trustworthy but
he is always fast asleep. He would
much rather you did it if you dont
mind.
[38]
[39]
The Benchiboss
No 8.
(Lord Halsbury.)
[40]
Oh! I forgot all about the Marquises—they
come first. That is an ovasite!
What a funny little dumpy he is!
[41]
The Benchiboss
This funny little Creature is very kind and
never forgets a friend. He lives on a Woolsack
and gives away things ——He has got a
Earlship for been so good and clever so he comes
next after the Joox.
[42]
[43]
The Labb
No 9.
(Mr. Labouchere.)
[44]
I thought this would be baught for the
town-hawl at northamten but some
malline influense must have been
at work
[45]
The Labb
This queer little Creature does not
like roads nor peers. It likes to get
into shady places and drag things out
into the light. If you pretend the Hess
is coming it will run into Wesminster
Abbey or anywhere
[46]
[47]
The Bujjit-Hatcha
or
Hicksybeech
No 10.
(Sir M. Hicks-Beach.)
[48]
He does look a little bare and draughty. He
would have looked better with his surplus
on I think.
[49]
The Bujjit-Hatcha
or
Hicksybeech
This Animal is always trying to balance
things with a little over to one side. It
is very nice and plainspoken. It comes up
to every front-door just to see how you are
getting on and get a little something in the
pound ——It lives on beer and tobacco and
tin-tackses
[50]
[51]
The Wheedlepat
No 11.
(Mr. Gerald Balfour.)
[52]
The criticks say this is "a life-like
pressenment" and the "flesh-tints
are remarkeble for there lewminosserty".
[53]
The Wheedlepat
This gracefull and culcherd Creature
has a very skillful way of getting on the
right side of people. They thought at first it
was a fish out of water but that was quite
wrong. It looks awfull solemm and poetick
but that is wrong too. It is very kind and
goes into every shanty and cracks jokes and
pats the pig. It has got a most bewtifull
bill coming which works like majick
It lives on shammrocks and stetististicks
with a few batons sometimes —for rellish
[54]
[55]
The Goash
No 12.
(Mr. Goschen.)
[56]
You should hear his riddle about when a
lock-out is not a lock-out. It is screemingly
funny and evrybody has to give it up!
[57]
The Goash
This odd little salt-water Animal is very good
at sums and gets on pretty well with the
Esstimits. But if you ask him anything very
dificult he runs under the gallery to get the
answer. When strikes is on he is very kind
and doesnt expeck no ships finished—he looks
the other way
[58]
[59]
The Leck
No 13.
(Professor Lecky.)
[60]
It seems a grate risk for this one
to ventcher out into a rough
rude world. I wonder how he gets
over the crossings.
[61]
The Leck
This gentle Creature is very kind
and winsome so everybody likes it. It has
a wonderfull brain and knows a lot.
When it sees a Artiss about it folds up
and tries to look like part of the Dado. It is
almost a sin to make its picture.
[62]
[63]
The Stagynite
No 14.
(Sir Henry Irving.)
[64]
Some people considder this riting
very rude—it certenly is not foolsome
in its prays.
[65]
The Stagynite
This funny Creature gets up things very
nicely. When people go to see it it makes
the queerest noises and stamps on the floor
and drags itself about. I expect he
says it all right but you cant tell
[66]
[67]
The Ruddikipple
No 15.
(Mr. Rudyard Kipling.)
[68]
They say I have idellised him
rather but I cant help it if I
have.
[69]
The Ruddikipple
This little Animal is very strong and
viggrous and knows everything. If anybody
tries to beat it it brings out a fresh
tail and then nobody cant touch that either.
It stirs everybody up so it would make a pew-opener
want to die for his country. If a Lorryit shews
his nose it just squashes him flat.
[70]
[71]
The Bobbz
No 16.
(Lord Roberts.)
[72]
This is quite a battle-pickture. The
handling seggests mysonnyer.
I seem wonderfly versytial.
[73]
The Bobbz
This tiny little Animal is all pluck
and is full of beans, but he does not
try to spread himself like some do.
Directly an ennemy shews his nose he
has a neat little way of "pulling it off."
All soldiers like him though he took
them very long walks sometimes. He
has got such a lot of meddles he has
to leave most of them in the cloakroom.
[74]
[75]
The Showt
No 17.
(Mr. John Burns.)
[76]
This is another full-face pickture. I
cant do many more of them!
[77]
The Showt
This little Animal is very honest and
likes to fight. It has a very big voice on
both sides—whichever it likes. It likes to
get on a waggon in the Park and call out about
wellth and capicklists and things. It sounds
better out of doors.
[78]
[79]
The Painticheef
No 18.
(Sir E. J. Poynter.)
[80]
I have heard he thaught the droring
of this very deaft and mastelly.
I should have thaught it was a oppertewnety
for the Chantrey Fun but I
have herd nothing as yet.
[81]
The Painticheef.
This Animal is wonderfull clever and lerned
and plays at marbles with the Tadd. He stands
at the top of the stairs in among the plants and
goes on shaking hands with them all as they
come up untill he falls back exorsted. Then
they prop him up with ferns and collums and
things and he just bows till daylite. He has
got two awfull nice possitions to stand in too.
He keeps a warn comfitable home in Traffalger
Square for old worn out masters of schools that
are shut up. He is dredfull particular who he takes
in. He wont have them if they have gone cracked.
(I shall send this pickture to the Accaddermy—he may
like to put it on the line in the Blacking-White
Room)
[82]
[83]
The Tadd
No 19.
(Mr. Alma Tadema.)
[84]
I cant help it if this did make
Mister Briton Rivvyare go green
with envy. It must be ennoying
to see an outsighder do it so nice.
[85]
The Tadd
This little Animal is awfull good at marbles.
Nobody cant do it like him. He knows all
about the ancients and what kind of boots
they wore on sundays and just how they use
to sit about and throw roses and make refflections
on things in genneral. They didn't
do much else according to him. You can
always tell where one of his picktures is
by the crowd of artisses round it—all putting
their noses agenst it and then steping back
and striking silly atetudes. He has got such a
big voice that as fast as they stick the picktures
up, it shakes them all down again
[86]
[87]
The Zolafite
No 20.
(M. Emile Zola.)
[88]
This is diseppointing as a work of
Art
[89]
The Zolafite
This Animal is very bold and currageous.
He is very clever at his work but he gets
very broad in places. The lower down things
are the harder he tries to get them out.
The Troof is buried very deep just now and
that is what he is looking for. So they are all
dancing with rage and say he is a Itallian
[90]
[91]
The Woolz
No 21.
(Lord Wolseley.)
[92]
Sybil Corbett must be awfuly
mad to see me droring as good
as this. There is hardly a trase
of the ammerchewer.
[93]
The Woolz
This brilliant little Creature is a fearfull fiter
he is all over glory and titals and ilectrick-lights
He likes to have his battles ready overnight
then he does them in the erly morning before
the milkman calls when everyone else is in
bed and asleep. He gets all the powder and baynits
and cammerers and repporters ready and it can
all be in the papers the same day. Then he prases
everyboddy else for fiting so nobbly—it sounds
just like Waterlew—but somehow there is not
so very many killed though it does look so terrible in
the lime-lite. That is his cleverness I expeckt.
Parlyment allways thanks him for it—he certanly
does make a neat job of it and he has such a nice
way of bringing home umbrellas and torture-chambers
and things to show he has really been there. If
he does anything else he will have to be made a
Jookdom.
[94]
[95]
The Klark
No 22.
(Sir Edward Clarke.)
[96]
This is a study in teckstchers and
keeraskewroh—and a speaking likeness
as well
[97]
The Klark
This clever little Animal is a terror to
fight. He covers himself up in silk and
horsehair every day and then he runs
along passages and pops into all sorts of
diffrent cases one after another and draws
a nice little screw out of them too. There
isnt no need to be hanged while you can
get him (I think this is nicer drawn than
most of my picktures—I do hope he'll like
it)
[98]
[99]
The Jappypote
or
Lytervaysha
No 23.
(Sir E. Arnold.)
[100]
I hear he has a lovly shrine to
write in at the Daly Tellegraff office
and the offise-boy burns Joss-sticks at
him every harf hour. It helps him to
write nicer.
[101]
The Jappypote
or
Lytervaysha
This little Animal writes such nice
potery. He is found at all swarries with
his chest smotherd all over with stars
and krisanthenums and rising suns and
other ornaments. He has heard the East
a calling so he doesnt like London there
is not enough houris and dymios and
things about. They say he is growing
a pig-tail—he feels so orientle
[102]
[103]
The Reed
or
Bildaphleet
No 24.
(Sir E. J. Reed.)
[104]
He says he did send his son to Harrow
what more could he do! Spelling must
have been an "extrer" I should think
It is a distressing site to see the way
he does it.
[105]
The Reed or Bildaphleet
This splendid but desining Animal is awfull
good at shipps. He has a curious little taste
for liking them to keep on the surfiss and
flote the right way up which was very annoying
to the ammerchures who mannage these things
for us so nicely in parlyment. He is full of
strength and boyancy and stebbility there
isnt no one quite like him I think—so is
his shipps they seem to last for ever as good
as new. He writes such viggrous letters that is
a moddle of riting and he is a good powett to.
It is a grate pity he didnt teach his son how
to spell he seems to get worse and worse—he
is a perfeckt dissgrase.
[106]
[107]
The Sullivan
No 25.
(Sir Arthur Sullivan.)
[108]
I had the esistents of the leading
musickle exspurts in aranging
the musick on him
[109]
The Sullivan
This little Creature is full of the most
lovly tewnes and all other kinds of musick.
Nobody didnt know how humerous wind-instrymants
was till he did it. He will get a
trombown or a hoboy to talk just for all
the world like a rettired curnel only
funnier—it will make you ake with
laughing. He writes the most holy tewnes
too and makes you fancy you are soring
about with other angels in the upper-boxes.
(I wrote this wile goveness was out
of the room—she would say it was awfull
irevrent I exspect)
[110]
[111]
The Skippydan
or
Droorileno
No 26.
(Mr. Dan Leno.)
[112]
I have had the nicest complements on
this picture from Royal Ecademisians.
They say it is so full of "veuve."
[113]
The Skippydan
or
Droorileno
This dear little Animal is never still for a
moment though it is full of wheezes. He is
very proud of his feet—you can see them if
you look carefully. Sculpters rave about him—they
say he is so stattuwesk
[114]
[115]
The Aird
or
Dammynile
No 27.
(Mr. John Aird.)
[116]
The back-rownd seen of this pictture
is laid at Filey-the-Bewtifull where
the damms is to take place
[117]
The Aird or Dammynile
This kind Animal is allways so pleased to
see you. He is very enterprising and has a
funny way of contrackting himself and
getting into the bed of a river and blocking
it all up till it runs over. I should think the
whole place will be full of crockerdials and
irrigators and things. He has such a
bewtifull beard—it looks as if he would
make a very nice prophet, dont you
think so
[118]
[119]
The Coneydoil
or
Shurlacombs
No 28.
(Dr. Conan Doyle.)
[120]
This is a Alpyne seen. Please
notise the way I have got the glare
off the snow.
[121]
The Coneydoil
or
Shurlacombs
This big friendly Creature is very shrood
and saggacious. If he finds a footprint
he can tell you what colored hair it has
and whether it is a libbral or a conservetive—which
is very clever I think.
He plays all games and always makes
a hundred. He likes to run through the
"Strand" with his tail in parts—all of
them strong and healthy—then he colects
it all together and it runs for a long time
by itself
[122]
[123]
The Timm
No 29.
(Mr. Timothy Healy.)
[124]
I find profeels ever so much easier—there
is only one eye to restle with
for one thing.
[125]
The Timm
This prickly biting little Animal is about
the cleverest of them. He turns his back
round to the others so you can see he hasnt
got hardly any tail behind him. He has a
precius nasty sting though all the same that
will give you fits if you irretate him—it
will make you wish you were at some quiet
see-side place. He use to bellong to a party of
seventy but he has turned the other sixty-nine
out into the cold
[126]
[127]
The Leedabar
or
Dikkiwebbsta
No 30.
(Sir Richard Webster.)
[128]
There is few drawings that has rowsed
more pubblick inthewsiasum than
this one
[129]
The Leedabar or Dikkiwebbsta
This able Animal has such a noble
brain that there is only just room for it.
It can't get any higher without going right
out of the House. It sings like a bird and
says it fears no foe in shining armer but
hymms seems to suit it best I think.
Everybody likes it as long as it doesnt get
singing. It tried to make a apollergy
once but it was dredfully lame and couldnt.
It lives on parchment and staind-glass.
[130]
[131]
The Trimmadome
or
Willirich
No 31.
(Sir William Richmond.)
[132]
I did enjoy doing his hair. It is
done like that Cleo de Merroads!
[133]
The Trimmadome
or
Willirich
This pleasant little Creature lives up inside
a dome over a whispring gallery and
spends all his time sticking on nice little
pictures and patterns. You cant see much
of them from downstairs but he says
they are all quite relligious and he is
very relliable
[134]
[135]
The Wagg
or
Tommibole
No 32.
(Mr. Gibson Bowles.)
[136]
Mr Spielman says "this remarkable
work is reddolent of the sea and
the droring of the wave-forms is worthy
of Hook or Eyrecrow."
[137]
The Wagg
or
Tommibole
This humorous little Creature is very
shy and moddest. It lives on salt-water
and blue-books and what it doesnt know
isnt worth a dead star-fish. When questions
is on it has a nice little way of
rubbing things in. It is always there
[138]
[139]
The Jingonite
or
Yankiturk
No 33.
(Sir E. Ashmead Bartlett.)
[140]
Noboddy wasnt ever so pattriottic
about other peoples countries as
what he is
[141]
The Jingonite
or
Yankiturk
This odd little Animal did not grow
here you would think it had to hear it talk.
When it starts saving the Empier and
singing Rule Britannyer very loud they
only look at the ceiling and talk about
the weather and how long this is likely
to last
[142]
[143]
The Hyah-Hyah
or
Fisklekrank
No 34.
(Sir C. Howard Vincent.)
[144]
He is a grate vollenteer too.
He is a mixtcher of Moltky and
Prince Ruepert at menoovers
[145]
The Hyah-Hyah
or
Fisklekrank
This popular Animal wants to know
where everything comes from—then he
scribbles all over it. I believe it would
label its grandmother. If it can get anybody
to meddle with fiskle things it is quite happy
and cheers like winking. It has got a cheer
that is so loud that I exspect it will be quite
out of order soon.
[146]
[147]
The Kurnle
or
Armaghda
No 35.
(Colonel Saunderson.)
[148]
I hear he has had this framed for
an air-lewm.
[149]
The Kurnle or Armaghda
This puggnacious Animal is allways thirsting
for slaurter. He has made himself such a
nice dry ditch to die in if he can get the
others to come on. He wears his coats all
out dragging them along the flore so that
somebody may step on them. If he can get
anyboddy to stop and look he will eat fire
like one o'clock—but it isnt real. Just at present
he is taking the hat round. Everboddy likes him
tho he is such a dessprit charakter and so full
of bloodtherstyniss. He draws nicely too—all
exept swords—in fact he is quite a carickachuriss—like
me, only I'm a perfeshernal
[150]
[151]
The Yauk
or
Rompyjack
No 36.
(Lord Charles Beresford.)
[152]
The criticks say I have "happily renderd
the sea-brease bloing through his
epithettes."
[153]
The Yauk
or
Rompyjack
This merry little Animal makes a good deal
of noise and never runs. He is quite at home
under fire or water. He just does it and thats
all.
[154]
[155]
The Punchiboss
or
EphseeBee
No 37.
(Mr. F. C. Burnand.)
[156]
This pickture and the nice ritin had
a wonderfull bennyfishle effeckt on
his state of helth
[157]
The Punchiboss
or
EphseeBee
This humrous little Creature has a most commical
brain—full of happey thaughts. He settles on everything
directly you put it in front of him. He
is awfull kind to chilldren so he gives me great
enkurygment when I do my picktures nice enough
which is allmost allways now. He does buzz round
you though and prod you up. He likes to get a good
run on the boards sometimes. He has a skillful
little way of knocking off a piece if it comes in
his way—he is very strong in the wings. He
has got a awfull clever lot of drawers and riters
together—all of them genyusses and tipes of
english beuty. (I must get this put in sometime
when he is away—he might not like me to
berlesk him after his polliteness and
forceheight in letting me beggin so young.)
[158]
[159]
The Morl
or
Philopat
No 38.
(Mr. John Morley.)
[160]
It is a shame to make such a nice gentleman
look so plain. There is no dowt
I am not a flattrer.
[161]
The Morl
or
Philopat
This kind honnest Animal is very fond of dubblin
and like to play at billding a house on the green for
them to fite in. He is wearing the green right through
with trying so hard. When he is on the steemer
he nails things on to the mast. It is very odd he
sits for Scotland and stands up for Ireland. He is
a bewtifull talker and riter and goveness says he
is a "pewriss in stile" (watever does she mean). He
is strugling to learn the sord-dance over two umbrellas.
It is awfull hard though and he keeps all
on kicking his ankells till he has to sit down
on the flore—then he plays on the bag-pipes
like the heeros in India but the neybours do
complain so he will have to give it up or ellse
move into another districkt
[162]
[163]
The Fowla
No 39.
(Sir H. H. Fowler.)
[164]
The "Maggasene of Art" thinks very highly
of this one—the "Morbydetser" of it is so
fine it says. I seppose theyre right
[165]
The Fowla
This abill Animal is wonderfull strong and
shrood and it can Jump up and carry the whole
house along with it if it likes to. It is very
sollid and watey and has got a large dessenting
body behind it. It knows all about "howdahs and
rajahs and things" and it can turn pounds and
shillings into roopees while you wait. It
knows the diffrence bitween a millitry road
and a footpath and if it made it itself or if someone
else did—which is more than some peeple do. It can
make the Jorgiehammle wish he had never had a
birthday. It is a very nice corteer and queens
like it imensely. It wears a indian shorl on state
occajions, it doesnt fancy kilts. It is leeder of the
libbral party—so is about half a dozen others too—they
all do it at once but it dosnt matter much
Just now
[166]
[167]
The Kortnee
No 40.
(Mr. Leonard Courtney.)
[168]
I wish the riting would not come
so long but I'm ackwiring such
profishensy that I cant bring myself
to short ones.
[169]
The Kortnee
This Animal has got a head full of rules and
reggulatians. It is awfull fond of all kinds of
riddles. the ones it likes best are those noboddy
cant make head or tail of—the abstuser the
better. They make your hair all come off to think
of them. He use to sit in a chair and see they all
behaved. He did it so nicely that they mesured him
for a bigger chair but it fitted someone else best
so he lives in a tub now like Diodgiknees. He
gives awfull nice lecktures to passers-by and says
order order to himself. He wants to have members
of parlyment all diffrent sizes according to the
waight of the voaters—he calls it "prepporshnal
repprisentatian" (I hope I have spellt it right) isnt
it silly. He is a leeder of fashion. He has got
a pattent westcote of a very funny colour that is
most becomming. They say he comes out all over
brass buttens at night—he must look radiently
bewtifull.
[170]
[171]
The Padd
No 41.
(M. Paderewski.)
[172]
Isnt it rather a sub-aubern tipe
of face—not quite what you would
exspeckt considdring the fuss.
[173]
The Padd.
This curious little Creature never comes out
in the same place only about once a year—that
keeps his vallew up. They take him
round in a selloon carrige with his name
very large on the outside hermiticly seeld
and deckerated with maden-hare ferns and
rare browcades. They stop at the towns and let
him out to play for a few minutes and then all the
ladies in dabbly dresses weep and gassp and shreek
out "Divvine!" andsettra and rush about after him
till the pollice steps in—then they kiss the legs
of the piyanno and mone for a fortnight after.
He looks more like a mopp than anything
I think.
[174]
[175]
The Thrums
No 42.
(Mr. J. M. Barrie.)
[176]
I dont mean to say he doesnt bat
very nice but he might just as
well go for long drives out into
the country.
[177]
The Thrums
This dellightful little Creature is very retiring
and knows a intervure direckly by his stelthy
tredd. When he hears one he runs like litening
and gets under the sofer-cushions or inside the
peyanno or crawls in under the slates till it is
all over. He use to live in a old licht-house once.
He is a marvelus mixture of the most commical
humour and the most beutiful paythoss. He is
a reggular Ramsgitsingey at cricket. He
was to have gone to Orstralia with Mr Stodert
but they thought it was better for the Empire
that he should not. You should see him
snick them among the slippers (I hope that
is right.) When he goes in to bat the fielders
all come close up to him just to take hints in
batting.
[178]
[179]
The Tobymp
or
Luciwits
No 43.
(Mr. H. W. Lucy.)
[180]
I had to leave the ralings out or else
you wouldnt have seen him at
all
[181]
The Tobymp or Luciwits
This brilliant little Creature perches up
in a gallery and peeps through the ralings
and brings out the most wonderfull pennytrating
notes. He prettends to be asleep but
he is all the wide-awaker really. He has the
most lovely head of hair—they say it is some
kind of Essence what he has made up himself
that makes it come so luxuryous. He
rubs it into the members too sometimes but
he has such a plessant skilful little way of
doing it all round and just touching on the
points of their bills that they rather like
it I believe
[182]
[183]
The Weeda
No 44.
("Ouida.")
[184]
I had no idea I could do hair so
natcheral as this or I would have
done it bifore.
[185]
The Weeda
This sentimentle little Animal is a most wonderfull
disscriber—full of gaugeous colours. She has
a terrible fassinating kind of hero who goes out
to battle talking several langwages with a gardeeniya
and lavinder kid gloves on and carrying a ormerlew
lunch-basket inlade with plovers eggs. He makes
little rings with his cigerret smoke while he conkuers
the enemy. He is a mixture of Sandow and Cupid
and Bobby Spencer and Richard Curdyleong. She
is very kind hearted to other Animals. She was
thought rather risky for girls-schools sometime
ago untill all the Mrs Tankyrays started dragging
their "parsts" about—then it didn't matter
[186]
[187]
The Tree
No 45.
(Mr. Beerbohm Tree.)
[188]
Isnt he nice and willowy. It takes
a very clothes study of anattemy to
draw pessitions like this.
[189]
The Tree
This pickturesk Creature moves about on
the boards in the most undewlating graceful
manner and likes to have a skillful
lime-lite man who can follow him about and
squirt it nicely all over his expreshun. He
has built himself a gorgeous theertre called her
magesty's because she dosnt never go near it.
He is awfull good at maykupps. He likes to have
no end of collums all about him. The Tadd
has folded all his linen for him so nice that
he looks just like a real Roman figure. What
a washing-bill he must have with all those
toegers and forums and things.
[190]
[191]
The Lorryit
No 46.
(Mr. Alfred Austin.)
[192]
I meant to have drorn him trying
to get over a very rustick stile he's got
but I quite forgot. It dosnt matter
does it.
[193]
The Lorryit
This queer little Animal has got himself
smotherd in with lorrels and he dosnt
hardly ever show—there has been too much
rime outside for him I expeckt. He is
allways hearing voices what noboddy else can
Once it was like wimmen and children
screming out for help. Now it sounds like
Ammerican. It says it wants to have done
with its worn-out tail the tail of a anshent
wrong (It doesnt seem to mean much—does it)
When there is Royel babies going on he
has to sepply the Royel familly with nice
fresh odes and potery of a joyfull carecter—That
is what he is for—it must be a dredfull life
[194]
[195]
The Ellen
No 47.
(Miss Ellen Terry.)
[196]
I am told Miss Louie Freer is very
much hurt at been passed over for this
one but hers is a diffrent stile of
luvliness—more like a Wattow.
[197]
The Ellen.
This gracefull and skittish little Animal is
a wonder to behold. She never seems to get no
older in spight of the lapps of time. When
she gets playing with the Stagynite the
congrigation go quite silly with rapcher and
they go on till they make her come out and bob
about and kiss her hands in the most commical
fashen. She is a wonderfull good Porsher and she
has got a very nice Oliviyer in stock too. As long
as she doesnt get too kittenish there is noboddy
cant do it like her
[198]
[199]
The Sarabee
No 48.
(Madame S. Bernhardt.)
[200]
This one seems to combine the suttle
charm of a Rumney with the deckretive
effeckt of a "peraffleite".
[201]
The Sarabee
This remarkeble Animal is the idle of
the parizzians. It is very snakey and dramattick.
It has the most blood-kerdling
little ways of ettracting attenshen. When
it travles it takes black tiegers and coffins
and skellitens along with it to make peeple
talk and shudder. It has a most lovly serching
voise that is ordible in the cheap
seats when you cant here a word the June
premyier has got to say for himself. It
is quite a sculpcher too in its way and has
got a stewjio where it paints in trowsers
That seems very forwerd and exentrick but
we musnt be too sensurious I seppose
[202]
[203]
The Villistanph
No 49
(Mr. Villiers Stanford.)
[204]
I havnt done justiss to the quire.
I havnt quite caught the look of aggytashen
and holy enthewsiasum in
there eyes—the mouths took up nearly
all the room in the face.
[205]
The Villistanph
This tewnful and most versytial little
Animal is hily skild at every sought of
mewsick. He keeps a quirefull of mewsickle
arristicrats that call out Bach together.
He persenally conduckts them through
requiyumms and things and they get
perple in the face trying to keep one eye
on his conduckting-rod. It must be a great
strane for the eyesite. He is awfull good
at Irish Jiggs too—that must be a plesant
change for them all after the congrigashen
is all left.
[206]
[207]
The Octavus
No 50.
(Sir Henry Thompson.)
[208]
This is "a studdy of exspreshen worthy
of the best peeriads of english art"
so "the stewdio" says "The impassetoe
is very fine" it says. I should
never have thaught of that.
[209]
The Octavus
This clever soshable Animle has got a
mainyer for eights of everything. Eight
gests—all sellybreighted—eight wines, eight
wayters, eight o'clock and then they all corrusceight
and sintilleight at him like anything.
He will soon been a octyginnaryin all over—wont
that be a dellite to him. Hes a extrordnary
surgen so he knows all about joints and things
and is wonderfull good at diyett. He spends all
his spare time tickling up the palette. He
is a grate bleever in creamashen and says
we shall all come to it some day—I dont call that
pollite, do you. I thaught that was riserved
for those that is not regglar attenders at
church or made faces at goveness.
[210]
[211]
The Phil
No 51.
(Mr. Phil May.)
[212]
I exspeckt I shall have to pressent
this to the Nashnal Portret Gallry—then
I shall be handed down as
his "muniffisent dona."
[213]
The Phil
This commicle little Creature drors
the hevenlyest picktures. He has made
the portrets of all the eyleet of Petticote
Lane. The critticks say he is a
"masster of teckneek". It must be very
nice to be called names like that—I
never get it. He drors a mixtcher of
Albut Dewra and Mr Sarjent and Sir
Danniel Leeno. He oans a most bewtifull
fringe that few can rivle. I
didnt mean to give him sech a addulating
when I started—I do hope it wont
make him prowd and horty
[214]
[215]
The Wunnudiddit
No 52.
(The Perpetrator, E. T. R.)
[216]
I fear this will be a dredfull shock
to some but they say I musnt tryfle
with peaple's effecktions any
longer. It seems a pitty to have to
rellinquish my "incoggnetow."
[217]
The Wunnudiddit
This abnoxious little Animal is the
anommylous auther of this Ceres. He
got all in among the Stone Age once and
kept all on doing the most ebsurd picktures
He is a kind of Preestorick Pepys. They were
a ruff lot acording to him they ocupide all
there spare time chopping oneynother up
and dodging the most lothsome lumpy Animals.
These picktures is coming out in
book-phorm now so this is the END.
What a releef to crownd heads and others
that has got left out and what a mersyful
releese from his ettroshus stile of
spelling. How dredfull plain he is too.
[218]
[219]
[220]
[221]
Bradbury, Agnew, & Co. Ld.,
Printers,
London and Tonbridge.
Transcriber's Notes
Every effort has been made to replicate this text as faithfully as possible,
including obsolete and variant spellings and other inconsistencies.
*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 47907 ***