BEING
A Standard Work on Composition
and Oratory
CONTAINING
RULES FOR EXPRESSING WRITTEN THOUGHT IN A CORRECT AND ELEGANT
MANNER; MODEL SELECTIONS FROM THE MOST FAMOUS AUTHORS;
SUBJECTS FOR COMPOSITIONS AND HOW TO TREAT THEM; USE
OF ILLUSTRATIONS; DESCRIPTIVE, PATHETIC AND
HUMOROUS WRITINGS, ETC., ETC.
TOGETHER WITH A
Peerless Collection of Readings and Recitations,
Including Programmes for Special
Occasions
FROM AUTHORS OF WORLD-WIDE RENOWN, FOR PUBLIC SCHOOLS, ACADEMIES,
COLLEGES, LODGES, SUNDAY-SCHOOL AND
SOCIAL ENTERTAINMENTS
THE WHOLE FORMING AN
UNRIVALED SELF-EDUCATOR FOR YOUNG PEOPLE
by Henry Davenport Northrop
Author of “Delsarte Manual of Oratory,” “Golden Gleanings of Poetry, Prose and Song,” etc., etc.
Embellished with a Galaxy of Charming Engravings
NATIONAL PUBLISHING CO.
239, 241, 243 South American St.
Philadelphia
ENTERED ACCORDING TO ACT OF CONGRESS, IN THE YEAR 1901, BY
D. Z. HOWELL
IN THE OFFICE OF THE LIBRARIAN OF CONGRESS, AT WASHINGTON, D. C., U. S. A.
Millions of young people in America are being educated, and hence there is a very great demand for a Standard Work showing how to express written thought in the most elegant manner and how to read and recite in a way that insures the greatest success. To meet this enormous demand is the aim of this volume.
Part I.—How to Write a Composition.—The treatment of this subject is masterly and thorough, and is so fascinating that the study becomes a delight. Rules and examples are furnished for the right choice of words, for constructing sentences, for punctuation, for acquiring an elegant style of composition, for writing essays and letters, what authors should be read, etc. The directions given are all right to the point and are easily put into practice.
The work contains a complete list of synonyms, or words of similar meaning, and more than 500 choice subjects for compositions, which are admirably suited to persons of all ages. These are followed by a charming collection of Masterpieces of Composition by such world-renowned authors as Emerson, Hawthorne, George Eliot, Lord Macaulay, Washington Irving, C. H. Spurgeon, Sarah J. Lippincott, Mrs. Stowe and many others.
These grand specimens of composition bear the stamp of the most brilliant genius. They are very suggestive and helpful. They inspire the reader to the noblest efforts, and teach the truth of Bulwer Lytton’s well-known saying that “The pen is mightier than the sword.”
Part II.—Readings and Recitations.—The second part of this incomparable work is no less valuable, and a candid perusal will convince you that it contains the largest and best collection of recitations ever brought together in one volume. These are of every variety and description. Be careful to notice that every one of these selections, which are from the writings of the world’s best authors, is especially adapted for reading and reciting. This is something which cannot be said of any similar work.
All the Typical Gestures used in Reciting are shown by choice engravings, and the reader has in reality the best kind of teacher right before him. The different attitudes, facial expressions and gestures are both instructive and charming. These are followed by Recitations with Lesson Talks. Full directions are given for reciting the various pieces, and this is done by taking each paragraph or verse of the selection and pointing out the gestures, tone of voice, emphasis, etc., required to render it most effectively. The Lesson Talks render most valuable service to all who are studying the grand art of oratory.
The next section of this masterly volume contains Recitations with Music.[iv] This is a choice collection of readings which are rendered most effective by accompaniments of music, enabling the reader by the use of the voice or some musical instrument to entrance his audience.
These charming selections are followed by a superb collection of Patriotic Recitations which celebrate the grand victories of our army and navy in the Philippines and West Indies. These incomparable pieces are all aglow with patriotic fervor and are eagerly sought by all elocutionists.
There is space here only to mention the different parts of this delightful volume, such as Descriptive and Dramatic Recitations; Orations by Famous Orators; a peerless collection of Humorous and Pathetic Recitations, and Recitations for Children and Sunday Schools.
Parents are charmed with this volume because it furnishes what the little folks want and is a self-educator for the young. It marks a new era in book publishing.
Part III.—Programmes for Special Occasions.—These have been prepared with the greatest care in order to meet a very urgent demand. The work contains Programmes for Fourth of July; Christmas Entertainments; Washington’s Birthday; Decoration Day; Thanksgiving Day; Arbor Day; Public School and Parlor Entertainments; Harvest Home; Flower Day, etc. Beautiful Selections for Special Occasions are contained in no other work, and these alone insure this very attractive volume an enormous sale.
Dialogues, Tableaux, etc.—Added to the Rich Contents already described is a Charming Collection of Dialogues and Tableaux for public and private entertainments. These are humorous, pithy, teach important lessons and are thoroughly enjoyed by everybody.
In many places the winter lyceum is an institution; we find it not only in academies, and normal schools, but very frequently the people in a district or town organize a debating society and discuss the popular questions of the day. The benefit thus derived cannot be estimated. In the last part of this volume will be found by-laws for those who wish to conduct lyceums, together with a choice selection of subjects for debate.
Thus it is seen that this is a very comprehensive work. Not only is it carefully prepared, not only does it set a very high standard of excellence in composition and elocution, but it is a work peculiarly fitted to the wants of millions of young people throughout our country. The writer of this is free to say that such a work as this would have been of inestimable value to him while obtaining an education. All wise parents who wish to make the best provision for educating their children should understand that they have in this volume such a teacher in composition and oratory as has never before been offered to the public.
PART I.—HOW TO WRITE A COMPOSITION. | ||
PAGE | ||
Treatment of the Subject | 18 | |
Right Choice of Words | 19 | |
Obscure Sentences | 19 | |
Write Exactly what You Mean | 20 | |
What You Should Read | 21 | |
Our Great Writers | 21 | |
Learning to Think | 22 | |
How to Acquire a Captivating Style | 23 | |
Make Your Composition Attractive | 24 | |
The Choice of Language | 25 | |
Faults in Writing | 26 | |
Putting Words into Sentences | 27 | |
Suit the Word to the Thought | 28 | |
An Amusing Exercise | 29 | |
Errors to be Avoided | 30 | |
Exercises in Composition | 32 | |
Subject and Predicate | 32 | |
Practice in Simple Sentences | 34 | |
Sentences Combined | 36 | |
Punctuation | 39 | |
The Full Stop | 39 | |
The Note of Interrogation | 40 | |
The Comma | 40 | |
The Semi-colon | 42 | |
Quotation Marks | 43 | |
The Note of Exclamation | 43 | |
Exercises in Easy Narratives | 46 | |
Short Stories to be Written from Memory | 47 | |
Outlines to be Turned into Narratives | 50 | |
Stories in Verse to be Turned into Prose | 51 | |
Three Fishers Went Sailing | 51 | |
The Sands of Dee | 52 | |
The Way to Win | 52 | |
Press On | 52 | |
The Dying Warrior | 52 | |
The Boy that Laughs | 53 | |
The Cat’s Bath | 53 | |
The Beggar Man | 53 | |
The Shower Bath | 54 | |
Queen Mary’s Return to Scotland | 54 | |
The Eagle and Serpent | 54 | |
Ask and Have | 55 | |
What Was His Creed? | 55 | |
The Old Reaper | 55 | |
The Gallant Sailboat | 55 | |
Wooing | 56 | |
Miss Laugh and Miss Fret | 56 | |
Monterey | 56 | |
A Woman’s Watch | 57 | |
Love Lightens Labor | 57 | |
Abou Ben Adhem | 57 | |
Essays to be Written from Outlines | 58 | |
Easy Subjects for Compositions | 61 | |
Use of Illustrations | 62 | |
Examples of Apt Illustrations | 63 | |
Examples of Faulty Illustrations | 63 | |
How to Compose and Write Letters | 64 | |
Examples of Letters | 65 | |
Notes of Invitation | 65 | |
Letters of Congratulation | 66 | |
Love Letters | 66 | |
Outlines to be Expanded into Letters | 66 | |
SPECIMENS OF ELEGANT COMPOSITION. | ||
Getting the Right Start | J. G. Holland | 67 |
Dinah, the Methodist | George Eliot | 69 |
Godfrey and Dunstan | George Eliot | 70 |
Rip Van Winkle | Washington Irving | 72 |
Puritans of the Sixteenth Century | Lord Macaulay | 73 |
On being in Time | C. H. Spurgeon | 75 |
John Ploughman’s Talk on Home | C. H. Spurgeon | 76 |
Pearl and her Mother | Nathaniel Hawthorne | 78 |
Candace’s Opinions | Mrs. H. B. Stowe | 80 |
Midsummer in the Valley of the Rhine | Geo. Meredith | 81 |
Power of Natural Beauty | R. W. Emerson | 82 |
SUBJECTS FOR COMPOSITIONS. | ||
Historical Subjects | 84 | |
Biographical Subjects | 85 | |
Subjects for Narration and Description | 86 | |
Popular Proverbs | 87 | |
Subjects to be Expounded | 87 | |
Subjects for Argument | 89 | |
Subjects for Comparison | 89 | |
Miscellaneous Subjects | 90 | |
Synonyms and Antonyms | 91 | |
Noms de Plume of Authors | 111[vi] | |
PART II.—READINGS AND RECITATIONS. | ||
How to Read and Recite | 113 | |
Cultivation of the Voice | 113 | |
Distinct Enunciation | 113 | |
Emphasis | 114 | |
Pauses | 114 | |
Gestures | 114 | |
The Magnetic Speaker | 114 | |
Self-Command | 114 | |
Typical Gestures for Reading and Reciting | 115 | |
Malediction | 115 | |
Designating | 115 | |
Silence | 115 | |
Repulsion | 115 | |
Declaring | 116 | |
Announcing | 116 | |
Discerning | 116 | |
Invocation | 117 | |
Presenting or Receiving | 117 | |
Horror | 117 | |
Exaltation | 117 | |
Secrecy | 117 | |
Wonderment | 118 | |
Indecision | 118 | |
Grief | 118 | |
Gladness | 118 | |
Signalling | 119 | |
Tender Rejection | 119 | |
Protecting—Soothing | 119 | |
Anguish | 119 | |
Awe—Appeal | 120 | |
Meditation | 120 | |
Defiance | 120 | |
Denying—Rejecting | 120 | |
Dispersion | 121 | |
Remorse | 121 | |
Accusation | 121 | |
Revealing | 121 | |
Correct Positions of the Hands | 122 | |
RECITATIONS WITH LESSON TALKS. | ||
Song of Our Soldiers at Santiago | D. G. Adee | 123 |
Lesson Talk | 123 | |
The Victor of Marengo | 124 | |
Lesson Talk | 125 | |
The Wedding Fee | 125 | |
Lesson Talk | 126 | |
The Statue in Clay | 127 | |
Lesson Talk | 127 | |
The Puzzled Boy | 128 | |
Lesson Talk | 128 | |
RECITATIONS WITH MUSIC. | ||
Twickenham Ferry | 129 | |
Grandmother’s Chair | John Read | 130 |
Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel | H. Clifton | 131 |
A Brighter Day is Coming | Ellen Burnside | 132 |
Katie’s Love Letter | Lady Dufferin | 132 |
Dost Thou Love Me, Sister Ruth? | John Parry | 133 |
Two Little Rogues | Mrs. A. M. Diaz | 134 |
Arkansaw Pete’s Adventure | 135 | |
PATRIOTIC RECITATIONS. | ||
The Beat of the Drum at Daybreak | Michael O’Connor | 137 |
The Cavalry Charge | 137 | |
Great Naval Battle at Santiago | Admiral W. S. Schley | 138 |
Hobson’s Daring Deed | 139 | |
General Wheeler at Santiago | J. L. Gordon | 140 |
The Flag Goes By | 140 | |
In Manila Bay | Chas. Wadsworth, Jr. | 141 |
My Soldier Boy | 142 | |
The Yankees in Battle | Captain R. D. Evans | 142 |
The Banner Betsey Made | T. C. Harbaugh | 143 |
Our Flag | Chas. F. Alsop | 144 |
That Starry Flag of Ours | 144 | |
The Negro Soldier | B. M. Channing | 145 |
Deeds of Valor at Santiago | Clinton Scollard | 145 |
A Race for Dear Life | 146 | |
Patriotism of American Women | T. Buchanan Read | 147 |
Our Country’s Call | Richard Barry | 147 |
The Story of Seventy-Six | W. C. Bryant | 148 |
The Roll Call | 148 | |
The Battle-Field | W. C Bryant | 149 |
The Sinking of the Merrimac | 150 | |
The Stars and Stripes | 151 | |
Rodney’s Ride | 152 | |
A Spool of Thread | Sophia E. Eastman | 153 |
The Young Patriot, Abraham Lincoln | 154 | |
Columbia | Joel Barlow | 155 |
Captain Molly at Monmouth | William Collins | 156 |
Douglas to the Populace of Stirling | Sir Walter Scott | 157[vii] |
Our Country | W. G. Peabodie | 157 |
McIlrath of Malaté | John J. Rooney | 158 |
After the Battle | 159 | |
Great Naval Battle of Manila | 160 | |
Sinking of the Ships | W. B. Collison | 161 |
Perry’s Celebrated Victory on Lake Erie | 163 | |
Capture of Quebec | James D. McCabe | 164 |
Little Jean | Lillie E. Barr | 165 |
Defeat of General Braddock | James D. McCabe | 166 |
DESCRIPTIVE AND DRAMATIC RECITATIONS. | ||
Quick! Man the Life Boat | 167 | |
Beautiful Hands | J. Whitcomb Riley | 167 |
The Burning Ship | 168 | |
The Unknown Speaker | 169 | |
Child Lost | 171 | |
The Captain and the Fireman | W. B. Collison | 172 |
The Face on the Floor | H. Antoine D’Arcy | 173 |
The Engineer’s Story | Eugene J. Hall | 174 |
Jim | James Whitcomb Riley | 175 |
Queen Vashti’s Lament | John Reade | 176 |
The Skeleton’s Story | 177 | |
The Lady and the Earl | 179 | |
My Vesper Song | 180 | |
The Volunteer Organist | S. W. Foss | 180 |
Comin’ thro’ the Rye | Robert Burns | 181 |
Joan of Arc | Clare S. McKinley | 181 |
The Vulture of the Alps | 183 | |
The Old-fashioned Girl | Tom Hall | 184 |
Nathan Hale, the Martyr Spy | I. H. Brown | 184 |
The Future | Rudyard Kipling | 186 |
The Power of Habit | John B. Gough | 186 |
Died on Duty | 187 | |
My Friend the Cricket and I | Lillie E. Barr | 188 |
The Snowstorm | 188 | |
Parrhasius and the Captive | N. P. Willis | 189 |
The Ninety-third off Cape Verde | 190 | |
A Felon’s Cell | 191 | |
The Battle of Waterloo | Victor Hugo | 192 |
A Pin | Ella Wheeler Wilcox | 194 |
A Relenting Mob | Lucy H. Hooper | 195 |
The Black Horse and His Rider | Chas. Sheppard | 196 |
The Unfinished Letter | 198 | |
Legend of the Organ Builder | Julius C. R. Dorr | 198 |
Caught in the Quicksand | Victor Hugo | 200 |
The Little Quaker Sinner | Lucy L. Montgomery | 201 |
The Tell-tale Heart | Edgar Allan Poe | 202 |
The Little Match Girl | Hans Andersen | 203 |
The Monk’s Vision | 205 | |
The Boat Race | 205 | |
Phillips of Pelhamville | Alexander Anderson | 207 |
Poor Little Jim | 208 | |
ORATIONS BY FAMOUS ORATORS. | ||
True Moral Courage | Henry Clay | 209 |
The Struggle for Liberty | Josiah Quincy | 210 |
Centennial Oration | Henry Armitt Brown | 211 |
Speech of Shrewsbury before Queen Elizabeth | F. Von Schiller | 212 |
Prospects of the Republic | Edward Everett | 212 |
The People Always Conquer | Edward Everett | 213 |
Survivors of Bunker Hill | Daniel Webster | 214 |
South Carolina and Massachusetts | Daniel Webster | 215 |
Eulogium on South Carolina | Robert T. Hayne | 216 |
Character of Washington | Wendell Phillips | 217 |
National Monument to Washington | Robert C. Winthrop | 218 |
The New Woman | Frances E. Willard | 219 |
An Appeal for Liberty | Joseph Story | 220 |
True Source of Freedom | Edwin H. Chapin | 220 |
Appeal to Young Men | Lyman Beecher | 221 |
The Pilgrims | Chauncey M. Depew | 222 |
Patriotism a Reality | Thomas Meagher | 223 |
The Glory of Athens | Lord Macaulay | 224 |
The Irish Church | William E. Gladstone | 225 |
Appeal to the Hungarians | Louis Kossuth | 226 |
The Tyrant Verres Denounced | Cicero | 227 |
HUMOROUS RECITATIONS. | ||
Bill’s in Trouble | 229 | |
“Spacially Jim” | 229 | |
The Marriage Ceremony | 230 | |
Blasted Hopes | 230 | |
Tim Murphy Makes a Few Remarks | 231 | |
Passing of the Horse | 231 | |
A School-Day | W. F. McSparran | 232 |
The Bicycle and the Pup | 233 | |
The Puzzled Census Taker | 233 | |
It Made a Difference | 233 | |
Bridget O’Flannagan on Christian Science and Cockroaches | M. Bourchier | 234 |
Conversational | 235 | |
Wanted, A Minister’s Wife | 235 | |
How a Married Man Sews on a Button | J. M. Bailey | 236[viii] |
The Dutchman’s Serenade | 236 | |
Biddy’s Troubles | 237 | |
The Inventor’s Wife | Mrs. E. T. Corbett | 238 |
Miss Edith Helps Things Along | Bret Harte | 239 |
The Man Who Has All Diseases at Once | Dr. Valentine | 240 |
The School-Ma’am’s Courting | Florence Pyatt | 240 |
The Dutchman’s Snake | 241 | |
No Kiss | 243 | |
The Lisping Lover | 243 | |
Larry O’Dee | W. W. Fink | 243 |
How Paderewski Plays the Piano | 244 | |
The Freckled-Faced Girl | 244 | |
When Girls Wore Calico | Hattie Whitney | 245 |
A Winning Company | 246 | |
The Bravest Sailor | Ella Wheeler Wilcox | 246 |
How She Was Consoled | 247 | |
That Hired Girl | 247 | |
What Sambo Says | 248 | |
The Irish Sleigh Ride | 248 | |
Jane Jones | Ben King | 249 |
De Ole Plantation Mule | 249 | |
Adam Never Was a Boy | T. C. Harbaugh | 250 |
A Remarkable Case of S’posin | 251 | |
My Parrot | Emma H. Webb | 252 |
Bakin and Greens | 252 | |
Hunting a Mouse | Joshua Jenkins | 253 |
The Village Sewing Society | 254 | |
Signs and Omens | 255 | |
The Ghost | 255 | |
A Big Mistake | 256 | |
The Duel | Eugene Field | 258 |
Playing Jokes on a Guide | Mark Twain | 258 |
A Parody | 260 | |
Man’s Devotion | Parmenas Hill | 261 |
Aunt Polly’s “George Washington” | 261 | |
Mine Vamily | Yawcob Strauss | 263 |
At the Garden Gate | 264 | |
The Minister’s Call | 264 | |
Led by a Calf | 265 | |
Tom Goldy’s Little Joke | 266 | |
How Hezekiah Stole the Spoons | 266 | |
Two Kinds of Polliwogs | Augusta Moore | 268 |
The Best Sewing Machine | 268 | |
How They Said Good Night | 269 | |
Josiar’s Courting | 270 | |
PATHETIC RECITATIONS. | ||
Play Softly, Boys | Teresa O’Hare | 271 |
In the Baggage Coach Ahead | 272 | |
The Musing One | S. E. Kiser | 272 |
In Memoriam | Thomas R. Gregory | 273 |
The Dying Newsboy | Mrs. Emily Thornton | 273 |
Coals of Fire | 274 | |
Dirge of the Drums | Ralph Alton | 275 |
The Old Dog’s Death Postponed | Chas. E. Baer | 275 |
The Fallen Hero | Minna Irving | 276 |
The Soldier’s Wife | Elliott Flower | 276 |
“Break the News Gently” | 277 | |
On the Other Train | 277 | |
Some Twenty Years Ago | Stephen Marsell | 279 |
Only a Soldier | 280 | |
The Pilgrim Fathers | 280 | |
Master Johnny’s Next-Door Neighbor | Bret Harte | 281 |
Stonewall Jackson’s Death | Paul M. Russell | 282 |
The Story of Nell | Robert Buchanan | 284 |
Little Nan | 285 | |
One of the Little Ones | G. L. Catlin | 285 |
The Drunkard’s Daughter | Eugene J. Hall | 286 |
The Beautiful | 287 | |
Trouble in the Amen Corner | C. T. Harbaugh | 288 |
Little Mag’s Victory | Geo. L. Catlin | 289 |
Life’s Battle | Wayne Parsons | 290 |
The Lost Kiss | J. Whitcomb Riley | 290 |
Execution of Mary, Queen of Scots | Lamartine | 291 |
Over the Range | J. Harrison Mills | 292 |
The Story of Crazy Nell | Joseph Whitten | 292 |
Little Sallie’s Wish | 293 | |
Drowned Among the Lilies | E. E. Rexford | 294 |
The Fate of Charlotte Corday | C. S. McKinley | 294 |
The Little Voyager | Mrs. M. L. Bayne | 295 |
The Dream of Aldarin | George Lippard | 296 |
In the Mining Town | Rose H. Thorpe | 297 |
Tommy’s Prayer | I. F. Nichols | 298 |
Robby and Ruth | Louisa S. Upham | 300 |
RECITATIONS FOR CHILDREN. | ||
Two Little Maidens | Agnes Carr | 301 |
The Way to Succeed | 301 | |
When Pa Begins to Shave | Harry D. Robins | 301 |
A Boy’s View | 302 | |
Mammy’s Churning Song | E. A. Oldham | 302 |
The Twenty Frogs | 303 | |
Only a Bird | Mary Morrison | 303 |
The Way to Do It | Mary Mapes Dodge | 303 |
We Must All Scratch | 304 | |
Kitty at School | Kate Hulmer | 304 |
A Fellow’s Mother | Margaret E. Sangster | 305 |
The Story Katie Told | 305[ix] | |
A Little Rogue | 306 | |
Mattie’s Wants and Wishes | Grace Gordon | 306 |
Won’t and Will | 307 | |
Willie’s Breeches | Etta G. Saulsbury | 307 |
Little Dora’s Soliloquy | 307 | |
The Squirrel’s Lesson | 308 | |
Little Kitty | 308 | |
Labor Song | 309 | |
What Baby Said | 310 | |
One Little Act | 311 | |
The Little Orator | Thaddeus M. Harris | 311 |
A Gentleman | Margaret E. Sangster | 312 |
Babies and Kittens | L. M. Hadley | 312 |
A Dissatisfied Chicken | A. G. Waters | 312 |
The Little Torment | 313 | |
The Reason Why | 313 | |
A Child’s Reasoning | 314 | |
A Swell Dinner | 314 | |
Little Jack | Eugene J. Hall | 314 |
A Story of an Apple | Sydney Dayre | 315 |
Idle Ben | 315 | |
Baby Alice’s Rain | John Hay Furness | 316 |
Give Us Little Boys a Chance | 316 | |
Puss in the Oven | 316 | |
What Was It? | Sydney Dayre | 317 |
The Cobbler’s Secret | 317 | |
A Sad Case | Clara D. Bates | 318 |
The Heir Apparent | 318 | |
An Egg a Chicken | 319 | |
One of God’s Little Heroes | Margaret J. Preston | 320 |
What the Cows were Doing | 320 | |
Mamma’s Help | 320 | |
How Two Birdies Kept House | 321 | |
Why He Wouldn’t Die | 321 | |
The Sick Dolly | 322 | |
Days of the Week | Mary Ely Page | 322 |
Popping Corn | 323 | |
How the Farmer Works | 323 | |
The Birds’ Picnic | 324 | |
A Very Smart Dog | 324 | |
Opportunity | 325 | |
The Little Leaves’ Journey | 325 | |
The Broom Drill | 325 | |
RECITATIONS FOR SUNDAY-SCHOOLS. | ||
Little Servants | 332 | |
Willie and the Birds | 332 | |
A Child’s Prayer | 332 | |
God Loves Me | 332 | |
The Unfinished Prayer | 333 | |
Seeds of Kindness | 333 | |
A Lot of Don’ts | E. C. Rook | 333 |
Little Willie and the Apple | 334 | |
The Child’s Prayer | Mary A. P. Humphrey | 334 |
“Mayn’t I Be a Boy?” | 335 | |
Give Your Best | Adelaide A. Proctor | 335 |
The Birds | Myra A. Shattuck | 335 |
“Come Unto Me” | 336 | |
There is a Teetotaler | 337 | |
An Appeal for Beneficence | 337 | |
Address of Welcome to a New Pastor | 337 | |
Address of Welcome to a New Superintendent | 338 | |
Opening Address for a Sunday-school Exhibition | 338 | |
Closing Address for a Sunday-school Exhibition | 338 | |
Presentation Address to a Pastor | 339 | |
Presentation Address to a Teacher | 339 | |
Presentation Address to a Superintendent | 339 | |
Address of Welcome After Illness | 340 | |
Welcome to a Pastor | May Hatheway | 340 |
PART III.—PROGRAMMES FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. | ||
Programme No. 1 for Fourth of July | 341 | |
“America” | 341 | |
The Fourth of July | Chas. Sprague | 341 |
The Vow of Washington | J. G. Whittier | 342 |
The Little Mayflower | Edward Everett | 343 |
O Land of a Million Brave Soldiers | 343 | |
To the Ladies | 344 | |
Programme No. 2 for Fourth of July | 344 | |
God Bless our Native Land | 344 | |
Our Natal Day | Will Carleton | 345 |
The Banner of the Sea | Homer Green | 346 |
What America Has Done for the World | G. C. Verplanck | 346 |
Stand Up for Liberty | Robert Treat Paine | 347 |
Off with Your Hat as the Flag Goes By | H. C. Bunner | 348 |
Programme for Christmas Entertainment | 349 | |
Ring, O Bells, in Gladness | Alice J. Cleator | 349 |
A Letter to Santa Claus | 349 | |
Christmas in All the Lands | G. A. Brown | 349 |
Santa Claus on the Train | Henry C. Walsh | 350 |
The Waifs | Margaret Deland | 351 |
Welcome Santa Claus | 351 | |
Santa Claus and the Mouse | Emilie Poulsson | 351 |
What Ted Found in His Stocking | 352 | |
Programme for Decoration Day | 353 | |
The Meaning of the Day | 353 | |
Exercise for Fifteen Pupils | 353[x] | |
Decoration Day | J. Whitcomb Riley | 354 |
Acrostic | 355 | |
Origin of Memorial Day | 355 | |
Strew with Flowers the Soldier’s Grave | J. W. Dunbar | 355 |
Our Nation’s Patriots | 356 | |
Programme for Washington’s Birthday | 357 | |
Washington Enigma | 357 | |
Washington’s Day | 357 | |
A Little Boy’s Hatchet Story | 357 | |
Maxims of Washington | 358 | |
Once More We Celebrate | Alice J. Cleator | 358 |
The Father of His Country | 358 | |
February Twenty-Second | Joy Allison | 359 |
A True Soldier | Alice J. Cleator | 359 |
Washington’s Life | 360 | |
Birthday of Washington | George Howland | 360 |
Programme for Arbor Day | 361 | |
We Have Come with Joyful Greeting | 361 | |
Arbor Day | 361 | |
Quotations | 361 | |
What Do We Plant When We Plant a Tree? | Henry Abbey | 362 |
Wedding of the Palm and Pine | 363 | |
Origin of Arbor Day | 363 | |
Value of Our Forests | 364 | |
Up From the Smiling Earth | Edna D. Proctor | 364 |
The Trees | 364 | |
Programme for A Harvest Home | 365 | |
Through the Golden Summertime | 365 | |
A Sermon in Rhyme | 365 | |
Farmer John | J. T. Trowbridge | 366 |
The Husbandman | John Sterling | 366 |
The Nobility of Labor | Orville Dewey | 367 |
The Corn Song | J. G. Whittier | 367 |
Great God! Our Heartfelt Thanks | W. D. Gallagher | 367 |
Programme for Lyceum or Parlor Entertainment | 368 | |
Salutatory Address | 368 | |
Mrs. Piper | Marian Douglass | 369 |
Colloquy—True Bravery | 370 | |
Reverie in Church | George A. Baker | 371 |
The Spanish-American War | President McKinley | 372 |
A Cook of the Period | 372 | |
Song—Bee-Hive Town | 373 | |
Programme for Thanksgiving | 373 | |
Honor the Mayflower’s Band | 373 | |
What am I Thankful For? | 374 | |
The Pumpkin | J. G. Whittier | 374 |
What Matters the Cold Wind’s Blast? | 374 | |
Outside and In | 375 | |
The Laboring Classes | Hugh Legare | 375 |
A Thanksgiving | Lucy Larcom | 376 |
Song—The Pilgrims | 376 | |
Programme for Flower Day | 377 | |
Let Us With Nature Sing | 377 | |
The Poppy and Mignonette | 377 | |
Flower Quotations | 377 | |
When Winter O’er the Hills Afar | 378 | |
Flowers | Lydia M. Child | 378 |
The Foolish Harebell | George MacDonald | 378 |
Questions About Flowers | 379 | |
Pansies | Mary A. McClelland | 379 |
Plant Song | Nellie M. Brown | 380 |
We Would Hail Thee, Joyous Summer | 380 | |
Summer-Time | H. W. Longfellow | 380 |
The Last Rose of Summer | Thomas Moore | 381 |
DIALOGUES FOR SCHOOLS AND LYCEUMS. | ||
In Want of a Servant | Clara Augusta | 382 |
The Unwelcome Guest | H. Elliot McBride | 386 |
Aunty Puzzled | 388 | |
The Poor Little Rich Boy | Mrs. Adrian Kraal | 390 |
An Entirely Different Matter | 391 | |
The Gossips | 392 | |
Farmer Hanks Wants a Divorce | 393 | |
Taking the Census | 397 | |
Elder Sniffles’ Courtship | F. M. Whitcher | 400 |
The Matrimonial Advertisement | 403 | |
Mrs. Malaprop and Captain Absolute | R. B. Sheridan | 407 |
Winning a Widow | 410 | |
MISCELLANEOUS DIALOGUES AND DRAMAS | 411 | |
CONSTITUTION AND BY-LAWS FOR LYCEUMS | 443 | |
SUBJECTS FOR DEBATE BY LYCEUMS | 446 | |
TABLEAUX FOR PUBLIC ENTERTAINMENTS | 447 |
The correct and pleasing expression of one’s thoughts in writing is an accomplishment of the highest order. To have little or no ability in the art of composition is a great misfortune.
Who is willing to incur the disgrace and mortification of being unable to write a graceful and interesting letter, or an essay worthy to be read by intelligent persons? What an air of importance belongs to the young scholar, or older student, who can pen a production excellent in thought and beautiful in language! Such a gifted individual becomes almost a hero or heroine.
When I was a pupil in one of our public schools the day most dreaded by all of the scholars was “composition day.” What to write about, and how to do it, were the most vexatious of all questions. Probably nine-tenths of the pupils would rather have mastered the hardest lessons, or taken a sound whipping, than to attempt to write one paragraph of a composition on any subject.
While some persons have a natural faculty for putting their thoughts into words, a much larger number of others are compelled to confess that it is a difficult undertaking, and they are never able to satisfy themselves with their written productions.
Let it be some encouragement to you to reflect that many who are considered excellent writers labored in the beginning under serious difficulties, yet, being resolved to master them, they finally achieved the most gratifying success. When Napoleon was told it would be impossible for his army to cross the bridge at Lodi, he replied, “There is no such word as impossible,” and over the bridge his army went. Resolve that you will succeed, and carry out this good resolution by close application and diligent practice. “Labor conquers all things.”
Study carefully the lessons contained in the following pages. They will be of great benefit, as they show you what to do and how to do it.
These lessons are quite simple at first, and are followed by others that are more advanced. All of them have been carefully prepared for the purpose of furnishing just such helps as you need. You can study them by yourself; if you can obtain the assistance of a competent teacher, so much the better. I predict that you will be surprised at the rapid progress you are making. Perhaps you will become fascinated with your study; at least, it is to be hoped you will, and become enthusiastic in your noble work.
Be content to take one step at a time. Do not get the mistaken impression that you[18] will be able to write a good composition before you have learned how to do it. Many persons are too eager to achieve success immediately, without patient and earnest endeavor to overcome all difficulties.
Choose a subject for your composition that is adapted to your capacity. You cannot write on a subject that you know nothing about. Having selected your theme, think upon it, and, if possible, read what others have written about it, not for the purpose of stealing their thoughts, but to stimulate your own, and store your mind with information. Then you will be able to express in writing what you know.
The principal reason why many persons make such hard work of the art of composition is that they have so few thoughts, and consequently so little to say, upon the subjects they endeavor to treat. The same rule must be followed in writing a composition as in building a house—you must first get your materials.
I said something about stealing the thoughts of others, but must qualify this by saying that while you are learning to write, you are quite at liberty in your practice to make use of the thoughts of others, writing them from memory after you have read a page or a paragraph from some standard author. It is better that you should remember only a part of the language employed by the writer whose thoughts you are reproducing, using as far as possible words of your own, yet in each instance wherein you remember his language you need not hesitate to use it. Such an exercise is a valuable aid to all who wish to perfect themselves in the delightful art of composition.
Take any writer of good English—J. G. Holland, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Irving, Cooper, or the articles in our best magazines—and read half a page twice or thrice; close the book, and write, in your own words, what you have read; borrowing, nevertheless, from the author so much as you can remember. Compare what you have written with the original, sentence by sentence, and word by word, and observe how far you have fallen short of the skilful author.
You will thus not only find out your own faults, but you will discover where they lie, and how they may be mended. Repeat the lesson with the same passages twice or thrice, if your memory is not filled with the words of the author, and observe, at each trial, the progress you have made, not merely by comparison with the original, but by comparison with the previous exercises.
Do this day after day, changing your author for the purpose of varying the style, and continue to do so long after you have passed on to the second and more advanced stages of your training. Preserve all your exercises, and occasionally compare the latest with the earliest, and so ascertain what progress you have made.
Give especial attention to the words, which, to my mind, are of greater importance than the sentences. Take your nouns first, and compare them with the nouns used by your author. You will probably find your words to be very much bigger than his, more sounding, more far-fetched, more classical, or more poetical. All young writers and speakers fancy that they cannot sufficiently revel in fine words. Comparison with the great masters of English will rebuke this pomposity of inexperience, and chasten and improve your style.
You will discover, to your surprise, that our best writers eschew big words and do not aim to dazzle their readers with fine words. Where there is a choice, they prefer[19] the pure, plain, simple English noun—the name by which the thing is known to everybody, and which, therefore, is instantly understood by all readers. These great authors call a spade “a spade;” only small scribblers term it “an implement of husbandry.” If there is a choice of names, good writers prefer the one best known, while an inexperienced writer is apt to select the most uncommon.
The example of the masters of the English tongue should teach you that commonness (if I may be allowed to coin a word to express that for which I can find no precise equivalent) and vulgarity are not the same in substance. Vulgarity is shown in assumption and affectation of language quite as much as in dress and manners, and it is never vulgar to be natural. Your object is to be understood. To be successful, you must write and talk in a language that everybody can understand; and such is the natural vigor, picturesqueness and music of our tongue, that you could not possess yourself of a more powerful or effective instrument for expression.
It is well for you to be assured that while, by this choice of plain English for the embodying of your thoughts, you secure the ears of ordinary people, you will at the same time please the most highly educated and refined. The words that have won the applause of a political meeting are equally successful in securing a hearing in Congress, provided that the thoughts expressed and the manner of their expression be adapted to the changed audience.
Then for the sentences. Look closely at their construction, comparing it with that of your author; I mean, note how you have put your words together. The placing of words is next in importance to the choice of them. The best writers preserve the natural order of thought. They sedulously shun obscurities and perplexities. They avoid long and involved sentences. Their rule is, that one sentence should express one thought, and they will not venture on the introduction of two or three thoughts, if they can help it.
Undoubtedly this is extremely difficult—sometimes impossible. If you want to qualify an assertion, you must do so on the instant; but the rule should never be forgotten, that a long and involved sentence is to be avoided, wherever it is practicable to do so.
Another lesson you will doubtless learn from the comparison of your composition with that of your model author. You will see a wonderful number of adjectives in your own writing, and very few in his. It is the besetting sin of young writers to indulge in adjectives, and precisely as a man gains experience do his adjectives diminish in number. It seems to be supposed by all unpracticed scribblers that the multiplication of epithets gives force. The nouns are never left to speak for themselves.
It is curious to take up any newspaper and read the paragraphs of news, to open the books of nine-tenths of our authors of the third and downward ranks. You will rarely see a noun standing alone, without one or more adjectives prefixed. Be assured that this is a mistake. An adjective should never be used unless it is essential to correct description. As a general rule adjectives add little strength to the noun they are set to prop, and a multiplication of them is always enfeebling. The vast majority of nouns convey to the mind a much more accurate picture of the thing they signify than you can possibly paint by attaching epithets to them.
Yet do not push to the extreme what has just been said. Adjectives are a very important part of language, and we could not well do without them. You do not need to say a “flowing river;” every river flows, but you might wish to say a “swollen river,” and you could not convey the idea you desire to express without using the adjective “swollen.” What I wish to caution you against is the needless multiplication of adjectives, which only serve to overload and weaken the expression of your thought.
When you have repeated your lesson many times, and find that you can write with some approach to the purity of your author, you should attempt an original composition. In the beginning it would be prudent, perhaps, to borrow the ideas, but to put them into your own language. The difficulty of this consists in the tendency of the mind to mistake memory for invention, and thus, unconsciously to copy the language as well as the thoughts of the author.
The best way to avoid this is to translate poetry into prose; to take, for instance, a page of narrative in verse and relate the same story in plain prose; or to peruse a page of didactic poetry, and set down the argument in a plain, unpoetical fashion. This will make you familiar with the art of composition, only to be acquired by practice; and the advantage, at this early stage of your education in the arts of writing and speaking, of putting into proper language the thoughts of others rather than your own is, that you are better able to discover your faults. Your fatherly love for your own ideas is such that you are really incompetent to form a judgment of their worth, or of the correctness of the language in which they are embodied.
The critics witness this hallucination every day. Books continually come to them, written by men who are not mad, who probably are sufficiently sensible in the ordinary business of life, who see clearly enough the faults of other books, who would have laughed aloud over the same pages, if placed in their hands by another writer, but who, nevertheless, are utterly unable to recognize the absurdities of their own handiwork. The reader is surprised that any man of common intelligence could indite such a maze of nonsense where the right word is never to be found in its right place, and this with such utter unconsciousness of incapacity on the part of the author.
Still more is he amazed that, even if a sensible man could so write, a sane man could read that composition in print, and not with shame throw it into the fire. But the explanation is, that the writer knew what he intended to say; his mind is full of that, and he reads from the manuscript or the type, not so much what is there set down, as what was already floating in his own mind. To criticise yourself you must, to some extent, forget yourself. This is impracticable to many persons, and, lest it may be so with you, I advise you to begin by putting the thoughts of others into your own language, before you attempt to give formal expression to your own thoughts.
You must habitually place your thoughts upon paper—first, that you may do so rapidly; and, secondly, that you may do so correctly. When you come to write your reflections, you will be surprised to find how loose and inaccurate the most vivid of them have been, what terrible flaws there are in your best arguments.
You are thus enabled to correct them, and to compare the matured sentence with the rude conception of it. You are thus trained to weigh your words and assure yourself[21] that they precisely embody the idea you desire to convey. You can trace uncouthness in the sentences, and dislocations of thought, of which you had not been conscious before. It is far better to learn your lesson thus upon paper, which you can throw into the fire unknown to any human being, than to be taught it by readers who are not always very lenient critics and are quick to detect any faults that appear in your production.
Having accustomed yourself to express, in plain words, and in clear, precise and straightforward sentences, the ideas of others, you should proceed to express your own thoughts in the same fashion. You will now see more distinctly the advantage of having first studied composition by the process I have recommended, for you are in a condition to discover the deficiencies in the flow of your own ideas. You will be surprised to find, when you come to put them into words, how many of your thoughts were shapeless, hazy and dreamy, slipping from your grasp when you try to seize them, resolving themselves, like the witches in Macbeth,
Thus, after you have learned how to write, you will need a good deal of education before you will learn what to write. I cannot much assist you in this part of the business. Two words convey the whole lesson—Read and think. What should you read? Everything. What think about? All subjects that present themselves. The writer and orator must be a man of very varied knowledge. Indeed, for all the purposes of practical life, you cannot know too much. No learning is quite useless. But a speaker, especially if an advocate, cannot anticipate the subjects on which he may be required to talk. Law is the least part of his discourse. For once that he is called upon to argue a point of law, he is compelled to treat matters of fact twenty times.
And the range of topics is very wide; it embraces science and art, history and philosophy; above all, the knowledge of human nature that teaches how the mind he addresses is to be convinced and persuaded, and how a willing ear is to be won to his discourse. No limited range of reading will suffice for so large a requirement. The elements of the sciences must be mastered; the foundations of philosophy must be learned; the principles of art must be acquired; the broad facts of history must be stamped upon the memory; poetry and fiction must not be slighted or neglected.
You must cultivate frequent and intimate intercourse with the genius of all ages and of all countries, not merely as standards by which to measure your own progress, or as fountains from which you may draw unlimited ideas for your own use, but because they are peculiarly suggestive. This is the characteristic of genius, that, conveying one thought to the reader’s mind, it kindles in him many other thoughts. The value of this to speaker and writer will be obvious to you.
Never, therefore, permit a day to pass without reading more or less—if it be but a single page—from some one of our great writers. Besides the service I have described in the multiplication of your ideas, it will render you the scarcely lesser service of preserving purity of style and language, and preventing[22] you from falling into the conventional affectations and slang of social dialogue.
For the same reason, without reference to any higher motive, but simply to fill our mind with the purest English, read daily some portion of the Bible; for which exercise there is another reason also, that its phraseology is more familiar to all kinds of audiences than any other, is more readily understood, and, therefore, is more sufficient in securing their attention.
Your reading will thus consist of three kinds: reading for knowledge, by which I mean the storing of your memory with facts; reading for thoughts, by which I mean the ideas and reflections that set your own mind thinking; and reading the words, by which I mean the best language in which the best authors have clothed their thoughts. And these three classes of reading should be pursued together daily, more or less as you can, for they are needful each to the others, and neither can be neglected without injury to the rest.
So also you must make it a business to think. You will probably say that you are always thinking when you are not doing anything, and often when you are busiest. True, the mind is active, but wandering, vaguely from topic to topic. You are not in reality thinking out anything; indeed, you cannot be sure that your thoughts have a shape until you try to express them in words. Nevertheless you must think before you can write or speak, and you should cultivate a habit of thinking at all appropriate seasons.
But do not misunderstand this suggestion. I do not design advising you to set yourself a-thinking, as you would take up a book to read at the intervals of business, or as a part of a course of self-training; for such attempts would probably begin with wandering fancies and end in a comfortable nap. It is a fact worth noting, that few persons can think continuously while the body is at perfect rest. The time for thinking is when you are kept awake by some slight and almost mechanical muscular exercise, and the mind is not busily attracted by external subjects of attention.
Thus walking, angling, gardening, and other rural pursuits are pre-eminently the seasons for thought, and you should cultivate a habit of thinking during those exercises, so needful for health of body and for fruitfulness of mind. Then it is that you should submit whatever subject you desire to treat to careful review, turning it on all sides, and inside out, marshalling the facts connected with it, trying what may be said for or against every view of it, recalling what you may have read about it, and finally thinking what you could say upon it that had not been said before, or how you could put old views of it into new shapes.
Perhaps the best way to accomplish this will be to imagine yourself writing upon it, or making a speech upon it, and to think what in such case you would say; I do not mean in what words you would express yourself, but what you would discourse about; what ideas you would put forth; to what thoughts you would give utterance.
At the beginning of this exercise you will find your reflections extremely vague and disconnected; you will range from theme to theme, and mere flights of fancy will be substituted for steady, continuous thought. But persevere day by day, and that which was in the beginning an effort will soon grow into a habit, and you will pass few moments of your working life in which, when not occupied from without, your mind will not be usefully employed within itself.
Having attained this habit of thinking, let[23] it be a rule with you, before you write or speak on any subject, to employ your thoughts upon it in the manner I have described. Go a-fishing. Take a walk. Weed your garden. Sweep, dust, do any sewing that needs to be done. While so occupied, think. It will be hard if your own intelligence cannot suggest to you how the subject should be treated, in what order of argument, with what illustrations, and with what new aspects of it, the original product of your own genius.
At all events this is certain, that without preliminary reflection you cannot hope to deal with any subject to your own satisfaction, or to the profit or pleasure of others. If you neglect these precautions, you can never be more than a wind-bag, uttering words that, however grandly they may roll, convey no thoughts. There is hope for ignorance; there is none for emptiness.
To sum up these rules and suggestions: To become a writer or an orator, you must fill your mind with knowledge by reading and observation, and educate it to the creation of thoughts by cultivating a habit of reflection. There is no limit to the knowledge that will be desirable and useful; it should include something of natural science, much of history, and still more of human nature. The latter must be your study, for it is with this that the writer and speaker has to deal.
Remember, that no amount of antiquarian, or historical, or scientific, or literary lore will make a writer or orator, without intimate acquaintance with the ways of the world about him, with the tastes, sentiments, passions, emotions, and modes of thought of the men and women of the age in which he lives, and whose minds it is his business to instruct and sway.
You must think, that you may have thoughts to convey; and read, that you may have words wherewith to express your thoughts correctly and gracefully. But something more than this is required to qualify you to write or speak. You must have a style. I will endeavor to explain what I mean by that.
As every man has a manner of his own, differing from the manner of every other man, so has every mind its own fashion of communicating with other minds. This manner of expressing thought is style, and therefore may style be described as the features of the mind displayed in its communications with other minds; as manner is the external feature exhibited in personal communication.
But though style is the gift of nature, it is nevertheless to be cultivated; only in a sense different from that commonly understood by the word cultivation.
Many elaborate treatises have been written on style, and the subject usually occupies a prominent place in all books on composition and oratory. It is usual with teachers to urge emphatically the importance of cultivating style, and to prescribe ingenious recipes for its production. All these proceed upon the assumption that style is something artificial, capable of being taught, and which may and should be learned by the student, like spelling or grammar.
But, if the definition of style which I have submitted to you is right, these elaborate trainings are a needless labor; probably a positive mischief. I do not design to say a style may not be taught to you; but it will be the style of some other man, and not your own; and, not being your own, it will no[24] more fit your mind than a second-hand suit of clothes, bought without measurement at a pawn-shop, would fit your body, and your appearance in it would be as ungainly.
But you must not gather from this that you are not to concern yourself about style, that it may be left to take care of itself, and that you will require only to write or speak as untrained nature prompts. I say that you must cultivate style; but I say also that the style to be cultivated must be your own, and not the style of another.
The majority of those who have written upon the subject recommend you to study the styles of the great writers of the English language, with a view to acquiring their accomplishment. So I say—study them, by all means; but not for the purpose of imitation, not with a view to acquire their manner, but to learn their language, to see how they have embodied their thoughts in words, to discover the manifold graces with which they have invested the expression of their thoughts, so as to surround the act of communicating information, or kindling emotion, with the various attractions and charms of art.
Cultivate style; but instead of laboring to acquire the style of your model, it should be your most constant endeavor to avoid it. The greatest danger to which you are exposed is that of falling into an imitation of the manner of some favorite author, whom you have studied for the sake of learning a style, which, if you did learn it, would be unbecoming to you, because it is not your own. That which in him was manner becomes in you mannerism; you but dress yourself in his clothes, and imagine that you are like him, while you are no more like than is the valet to his master whose cast-off coat he is wearing.
There are some authors whose manner is so infectious that it is extremely difficult not to catch it. Hawthorne is one of these; it requires an effort not to fall into his formula of speech. But your protection against this danger must be an ever-present conviction that your own style will be the best for you, be it ever so bad or good. You must strive to be yourself, to think for yourself, to speak in your own manner; then, what you say and your style of saying it will be in perfect accord, and the pleasure to those who read or listen will not be disturbed by a sense of impropriety and unfitness.
Nevertheless, I repeat, you should cultivate your own style, not by changing it into some other person’s style, but by striving to preserve its individuality, while decorating it with all the graces of art. Nature gives the style, for your style is yourself; but the decorations are slowly and laboriously acquired by diligent study, and, above all, by long and patient practice. There are but two methods of attaining to this accomplishment—contemplation of the best productions of art, and continuous toil in the exercise of it.
I assume that, by the process I have already described, you have acquired a tolerably quick flow of ideas, a ready command of words, and ability to construct grammatical sentences; all that now remains to you is to learn to use this knowledge that the result may be presented in the most attractive shape to those whom you address. I am unable to give you many practical hints towards this, because it is not a thing to be acquired by formal rules, in a few lessons and by a set course of study; it is the product of very wide and long-continued gleanings from a countless variety of sources; but, above all, it is taught by experience.
If you compare your compositions at intervals of six months, you will see the progress[25] you have made. You began with a multitude of words, with big nouns and bigger adjectives, a perfect firework of epithets, a tendency to call everything by something else than its proper name, and the more you admired your own ingenuity the more you thought it must be admired by others. If you had a good idea, you were pretty sure to dilute it by expansion, supposing the while that you were improving by amplifying it. You indulged in small flights of poetry (in prose), not always in appropriate places, and you were tolerably sure to go off into rhapsody, and to mistake fine words for eloquence. This is the juvenile style; and is not peculiar to yourself—it is the common fault of all young writers.
But the cure for it may be hastened by judicious self-treatment. In addition to the study of good authors, to cultivate your taste, you may mend your style by a process of pruning, after the following fashion. Having finished your composition, or a section of it, lay it aside, and do not look at it again for a week, during which interval other labors will have engaged your thoughts. You will then be in a condition to revise it with an approach to critical impartiality, and so you will begin to learn the wholesome art of blotting. Go through it slowly, pen in hand, weighing every word, and asking yourself, “What did I intend to say? How can I say it in the briefest and plainest English?”
Compare with the plain answer you return to this question the form in which you had tried to express the same meaning in the writing before you, and at each word further ask yourself, “Does this word precisely convey my thought? Is it the aptest word? Is it a necessary word? Would my meaning be fully expressed without it?” If it is not the best, change it for a better. If it is superfluous, ruthlessly strike it out.
The work will be painful at first—you will sacrifice with a sigh so many flourishes of fancy, so many figures of speech, of whose birth you were proud. Nay, at the beginning, and for a long time afterwards, your courage will fail you, and many a cherished phrase will be spared by your relenting pen. But be persistent, and you will triumph at last. Be not content with one act of erasure. Read the manuscript again, and, seeing how much it is improved, you will be inclined to blot a little more. Lay it aside for a month, and then read again, and blot again as before. Be severe toward yourself.
Simplicity is the crowning achievement of judgment and good taste. It is of very slow growth in the greatest minds; by the multitude it is never acquired. The gradual progress towards it can be curiously traced in the works of the great masters of English composition, wheresoever the injudicious zeal of admirers has given to the world the juvenile writings which their own better taste had suffered to pass into oblivion. Lord Macaulay was an instance of this. Compare his latest with his earliest compositions, as collected in the posthumous volume of his “Remains,” and the growth of improvement will be manifest.
Yet, at first thought, nothing appears to be easier to remember, and to act upon, than the rule, “Say what you want to say in the fewest words that will express your meaning clearly; and let those words be the plainest, the most common (not vulgar), and the most intelligible to the greatest number of persons.” It is certain that a beginner will adopt[26] the very reverse of this. He will say what he has to say in the greatest number of words he can devise, and those words will be the most artificial and uncommon his memory can recall. As he advances, he will learn to drop these long phrases and big words; he will gradually contract his language to the limit of his thoughts, and he will discover, after long experience, that he was never so feeble as when he flattered himself that he was most forcible.
I have dwelt upon this subject with repetitions that may be deemed almost wearisome, because affectations and conceits are the besetting sin of modern composition, and the vice is growing and spreading. The literature of our periodicals teems with it; the magazines are infected by it almost as much as the newspapers, which have been always famous for it.
Instead of an endeavor to write plainly, the express purpose of the writers in the periodicals is to write as obscurely as possible; they make it a rule never to call anything by its proper name, never to say anything directly in plain English, never to express their true meaning. They delight to say something quite different in appearance from that which they purpose to say, requiring the reader to translate it, if he can, and, if he cannot, leaving him in a state of bewilderment, or wholly uninformed.
Worse models you could not find than those presented to you by the newspapers and periodicals; yet are you so beset by them that it is extremely difficult not to catch the infection. Reading day by day compositions teeming with bad taste, and especially where the style floods you with its conceits and affectations, you unconsciously fall into the same vile habit, and incessant vigilance is required to restore you to sound, vigorous, manly, and wholesome English. I cannot recommend to you a better plan for counteracting the inevitable mischief than the daily reading of portions of some of our best writers of English, specimens of which you will find near the close of the First Part of this volume. We learn more by example than in any other way, and a careful perusal of these choice specimens of writing from the works of the most celebrated authors will greatly aid you.
You will soon learn to appreciate the power and beauty of those simple sentences compared with the forcible feebleness of some, and the spasmodic efforts and mountebank contortions of others, that meet your eye when you turn over the pages of magazine or newspaper. I do not say that you will at once become reconciled to plain English, after being accustomed to the tinsel and tin trumpets of too many modern writers; but you will gradually come to like it more and more; you will return to it with greater zest year by year; and, having thoroughly learned to love it, you will strive to follow the example of the authors who have written it.
And this practice of daily reading the writings of one of the great masters of the English tongue should never be abandoned. So long as you have occasion to write or speak, let it be held by you almost as a duty. And here I would suggest that you should read them aloud; for there is no doubt that the words, entering at once by the eye and the ear, are more sharply impressed upon the mind than when perused silently.
Moreover, when reading aloud you read more slowly; the full meaning of each word must be understood, that you may give the right expression to it, and the ear catches the general structure of the sentences more perfectly. Nor will this occupy much time.[27] There is no need to devote to it more than a few minutes every day. Two or three pages thus read daily will suffice to preserve the purity of your taste.
Your first care in composition will be, of course, to express yourself grammatically. This is partly habit, partly teaching. If those with whom a child is brought up talk grammatically, he will do likewise, from mere imitation; but he will learn quite as readily anything ungrammatical to which his ears may be accustomed; and, as the most fortunate of us mingle in childhood with servants and other persons not always observant of number, gender, mood, and tense, and as even they who have enjoyed the best education lapse, in familiar talk, into occasional defiance of grammar, which could not be avoided without pedantry, you will find the study of grammar necessary to you under any circumstances. Your ear will teach you a great deal, and you may usually trust to it as a guide; but sometimes occasions arise when you are puzzled to determine which is the correct form of expression, and in such cases there is safety only in reference to the rule.
Fortunately our public schools and academies give much attention to the study of grammar. The very first evidence that a person is well educated is the ability to speak correctly. If you were to say, “I paid big prices for them pictures,” or, “Her photographs always flatters her,” or, “His fund of jokes and stories make him a pleasant companion,” or, “He buys the paper for you and I”—if you were guilty of committing such gross errors against good grammar, or scores of others that might be mentioned, your chances for obtaining a standing in polite society would be very slim. Educated persons would at once rank you as an ignorant boor, and their treatment of you would be suggestive of weather below zero. Do not “murder the King’s English.”
Having pointed out the importance of correct grammar and the right choice of language, I wish now to furnish you with some practical suggestions for the construction of sentences. Remember that a good thought often suffers from a weak and faulty expression of it.
Your sentences will certainly shape themselves after the structure of your own mind. If your thoughts are vivid and definite, so will be your language; if dreamy and hazy, so will your composition be obscure. Your speech, whether oral or written, can be but the expression of yourself; and what you are, that speech will be.
Remember, then, that you cannot materially change the substantial character of your writing; but you may much improve the form of it by the observance of two or three general rules.
In the first place, be sure you have something to say. This may appear to you a very unnecessary precaution; for who, you will ask, having nothing to say, desires to write or to speak? I do not doubt that you have often felt as if your brain was teeming with thoughts too big for words; but when you came to seize them, for the purpose of putting them into words, you have found them evading your grasp and melting into the air. They were not thoughts at all, but fancies—shadows which you had mistaken for substances, and whose vagueness you would never have detected, had you not sought to embody them in language. Hence you will need to be assured that you have thoughts to express, before you try to express them.
And how to do this? By asking yourself, when you take up the pen, what it is you intend to say, and answering yourself as you best can, without caring for the form of expression. If it is only a vague and mystical idea, conceived in cloudland, you will try in vain to put it into any form of words, however rude. If, however, it is a definite thought, proceed at once to set it down in words and fix it upon paper.
The expression of a precise and definite thought is not difficult. Words will follow the thought; indeed, they usually accompany it, because it is almost impossible to think unless the thought is clothed in words. So closely are ideas and language linked by habit, that very few minds are capable of contemplating them apart, insomuch that it may be safely asserted of all intellects, save the highest, that if they are unable to express their ideas, it is because the ideas are incapable of expression—because they are vague and hazy.
For the present purpose it will suffice that you put upon paper the substance of what you desire to say, in terms as rude as you please, the object being simply to measure your thoughts. If you cannot express them, do not attribute your failure to the weakness of language, but to the dreaminess of your ideas, and therefore banish them without mercy, and direct your mind to some more definite object for its contemplations. If you succeed in putting your ideas into words, be they ever so rude, you will have learned the first, the most difficult, and the most important lesson in the art of writing.
The second is far easier. Having thoughts, and having embodied those thoughts in unpolished phrase, your next task will be to present them in the most attractive form. To secure the attention of those to whom you desire to communicate your thoughts, it is not enough that you utter them in any words that come uppermost; you must express them in the best words, and in the most graceful sentences, so that they may be read with pleasure, or at least without offending the taste.
Your first care in the choice of words will be that they shall express precisely your meaning. Words are used so loosely in society that the same word will often be found to convey half a dozen different ideas to as many auditors. Even where there is not a conflict of meanings in the same word, there is usually a choice of words having meanings sufficiently alike to be used indiscriminately, without subjecting the user to a charge of positive error. But the cultivated taste is shown in the selection of such as express the most delicate shades of difference.
Therefore, it is not enough to have abundance of words; you must learn the precise meaning of each word, and in what it differs from other words supposed to be synonymous; and then you must select that which most exactly conveys the thought you are seeking to embody. There is but one way to fill your mind with words, and that is, to read the best authors, and to acquire an accurate knowledge of the precise meaning of their words—by parsing as you read.
By the practice of parsing, I intend very nearly the process so called at schools, only limiting the exercise to the definitions of the principal words. As thus: take, for instance the sentence that immediately precedes this,—ask yourself what is the meaning of “practice,” of “parsing,” of “process,” and such like. Write the answer to each, that you may be assured that your definition is distinct. Compare it with the definitions of the same word in the dictionaries, and observe[29] the various senses in which it has been used.
You will thus learn also the words that have the same, or nearly the same, meaning—a large vocabulary of which is necessary to composition, for frequent repetition of the same word, especially in the same sentence, is an inelegance, if not a positive error. Compare your definition with that of the authorities, and your use of the word with the uses of it cited in the dictionary, and you will thus measure your own progress in the science of words.
This useful exercise may be made extremely amusing as well as instructive, if friends, having a like desire for self-improvement, will join you in the practice of it; and I can assure you that an evening will be thus spent pleasantly as well as profitably. You may make a merry game of it—a game of speculation. Given a word; each one of the company in turn writes his definition of it; Webster’s Dictionary, or some other, is then referred to, and that which comes nearest the authentic definition wins the honor or the prize; it may be a sweepstakes carried off by him whose definition hits the mark the most nearly.
But, whether in company or alone, you should not omit the frequent practice of this exercise, for none will impart such a power of accurate expression and supply such an abundance of apt words wherein to embody the delicate hues and various shadings of thought.
So with sentences, or the combination of words. Much skill is required for their construction. They must convey your meaning accurately, and as far as possible in the natural order of thought, and yet they must not be complex, involved, verbose, stiff, ungainly, or full of repetitions. They must be brief, but not curt; explicit, but not verbose. Here, again, good taste must be your guide, rather than rules which teachers propound, but which the pupil never follows.
Not only does every style require its own construction of a sentence, but almost every combination of thought will demand a different shape in the sentence by which it is conveyed. A standard sentence, like a standard style, is a pedantic absurdity; and, if you would avoid it, you must not try to write by rule, though you may refer to rules in order to find out your faults after you have written.
Lastly, inasmuch as your design is, not only to influence, but to please, it will be necessary for you to cultivate what may be termed the graces of composition. It is not enough that you instruct the minds of your readers; you must gratify their taste, and win their attention, giving pleasure in the very process of imparting information. Hence you must make choice of words that convey no coarse meanings, and excite no disagreeable associations. You are not to sacrifice expression to elegance; but so, likewise, you are not to be content with a word or a sentence if it is offensive or unpleasing, merely because it best expresses your meaning.
The precise boundary between refinement and rudeness cannot be defined; your own cultivated taste must tell you the point at which power or explicitness is to be preferred to delicacy. One more caution I would impress upon you, that you pause and give careful consideration to it before you permit a coarse expression, on account of its correctness, to pass your critical review when you revise your manuscript, and again when you read the proof, if ever you rush into print.
And much might be said also about the music of speech. Your words and sentences[30] must be musical. They must not come harshly from the tongue, if uttered, or grate upon the ear, if heard. There is a rhythm in words which should be observed in all composition, written or oral. The perception of it is a natural gift, but it may be much cultivated and improved by reading the works of the great masters of English, especially of the best poets—the most excellent of all in this wonderful melody of words being Longfellow and Tennyson. Perusal of their works will show you what you should strive to attain in this respect, even though it may not enable you fully to accomplish the object of your endeavor. Aim at the sun and you will shoot high.
The faculty for writing varies in various persons. Some write easily, some laboriously; words flow from some pens without effort, others produce them slowly; composition seems to come naturally to a few, and a few never can learn it, toil after it as they may. But whatever the natural power, of this be certain, that good writing cannot be accomplished without study and painstaking practice. Facility is far from being a proof of excellence. Many of the finest works in our language were written slowly and painfully; the words changed again and again, and the structure of the sentences carefully cast and recast.
There is a fatal facility that runs “in one weak, washy, everlasting flood,” that is more hopeless than any slowness or slovenliness. If you find your pen galloping over the paper, take it as a warning of a fault to be shunned; stay your hand, pause, reflect, read what you have written; see what are the thoughts you have set down, and resolutely try to condense them. There is no more wearisome process than to write the same thing over again; nevertheless it is a most efficient teaching. Your endeavor should be to say the same things, but to say them in a different form; to condense your thoughts, and express them in fewer words.
Compare this second effort with the first, and you will at once measure your improvement. You cannot now do better than repeat this lesson twice; rewrite, still bearing steadily in mind your object, which is, to say what you desire to utter in words the most apt and in the briefest form consistent with intelligibility and grace. Having done this, take your last copy and strike out pitilessly every superfluous word, substitute a vigorous or expressive word for a weak one, sacrifice the adjectives without remorse, and, when this work is done, rewrite the whole, as amended.
And, if you would see what you have gained by this laborious but effective process, compare the completed essay with the first draft of it, and you will recognize the superiority of careful composition over facile scribbling. You will be fortunate if you thus acquire a mastery of condensation, and can succeed in putting the reins upon that fatal facility of words, before it has grown into an unconquerable habit.
Simplicity is the charm of writing, as of speech; therefore, cultivate it with care. It is not the natural manner of expression, or, at least, there grows with great rapidity in all of us a tendency to an ornamental style of talking and writing. As soon as the child emerges from the imperfect phraseology of his first letters to papa, he sets himself earnestly to the task of trying to disguise what he has to say in some other words than such as plainly express his meaning and nothing more. To him it seems an object of ambition—a[31] feat to be proud of—to go by the most indirect paths, instead of the straight way, and it is a triumph to give the person he addresses the task of interpreting his language, to find the true meaning lying under the apparent meaning.
Circumlocution is not the invention of refinement and civilization, but the vice of the uncultivated; it prevails the most with the young in years and in minds that never attain maturity. It is a characteristic of the savage. You cannot too much school yourself to avoid this tendency, if it has not already seized you, as is most probable, or to banish it, if infected by it.
If you have any doubt of your condition in this respect, your better course will be to consult some judicious friend, conscious of the evil and competent to criticism. Submit to him some of your compositions, asking him to tell you candidly what are their faults, and especially what are the circumlocutions in them, and how the same thought might have been better, because more simply and plainly, expressed. Having studied his corrections, rewrite the article, striving to avoid those faults.
Submit this again to your friendly censor, and, if many faults are found still to linger, apply yourself to the labor of repetition once more. Repeat this process with new writings, until you produce them in a shape that requires few blottings, and, having thus learned what to shun, you may venture on self-reliance.
But, even when parted from your friendly critic, you should continue to be your own critic, revising every sentence, with resolute purpose to strike out all superfluous words and to substitute an expressive word for every fine word. You will hesitate to blot many a pet phrase, of whose invention you felt proud at the moment of its birth; but, if it is circumlocution, pass the pen through it ruthlessly, and by degrees you will train yourself to the crowning victory of art—simplicity.
When you are writing on any subject, address yourself to it directly. Come to the point as speedily as possible, and do not walk round about it, as if you were reluctant to grapple with it. There is so much to be read nowadays that it is the duty of all who write to condense their thoughts and words. This cannot always be done in speaking, where slow minds must follow your faster lips, but it is always practicable in writing, where the reader may move slowly, or repeat what he has not understood on the first passing of the eye over the words.
In constructing your sentences, marshal your words in the order of thought—that is the natural, and therefore the most intelligible shape for language to assume. In conversation we do this instinctively, but in writing the rule is almost always set at defiance. The man who would tell you a story in a plain, straightforward way would not write it without falling into utter confusion and placing almost every word precisely where it ought not to be. In learning to write, let this be your next care.
Probably it will demand much toil at first in rewriting for the sake of redistributing your words; acquired habit of long standing will unconsciously mould your sentences to the accustomed shape; but persevere and you will certainly succeed at last, and your words will express your thoughts precisely as you think them, and as you desire that they should be impressed upon the minds of those to whom they are addressed.
So with the sentences. Let each be complete in itself, embodying one proposition.[32] Shun that tangled skein in which some writers involve themselves, to the perplexity of their readers and their own manifest bewilderment. When you find a sentence falling into such a maze, halt and retrace your steps. Cancel what you have done, and reflect what you design to say. Set clearly before your mind the ideas that you had begun to mingle; disentangle them, range them in orderly array, and express them in distinct sentences, where each will stand separate, but in its right relationship to all the rest.
This exercise will improve, not only your skill in the art of writing, but also in the art of thinking, for those involved sentences are almost always the result of confused thoughts; the resolve to write clearly will compel you to think clearly, and you will be surprised to discover how often thoughts, which had appeared to you definite in contemplation, are found, when you come to set them upon paper, to be most incomplete and shadowy. Knowing the fault, you can then put your wits to work and furnish the remedy.
The sentence ‘John writes’ consists of two parts:—
(1) The name of the person of whom we are speaking,—John
and
(2) What we say about John,—writes.
Similarly the sentence ‘Fire burns’ consists of two parts:—
(1) The name of the thing of which we are speaking,—fire.
(2) What we say about fire,—burns.
Every sentence has two such parts.
The name of the person or thing spoken about is called the Subject.
What is said about the Subject is called the Predicate.
Point out the Subjects and the Predicates.
William sings. Birds fly. Sheep bleat. Henry is reading. Rain is falling. Rain has fallen. Stars are shining. Stars were shining. Cattle are grazing. Soldiers are watching. Soldiers watched. Soldiers were watched. School is closed. Donkeys bray. Donkeys were braying. I am writing. We are reading.
Examples.—William sings: “William” is the subject; “sings” is the predicate. Henry is reading: “Henry” is the subject; “is reading” is the predicate. In like manner you should go through the list and point out the subjects and verbs.
Place Predicates (Verbs) after the following Subjects:—
Baby. Babies. Lightning. Flowers. Soldiers. Lions. Bees. Gas. The sun. The wind. The eagle. Eagles. The ship. Ships. The master. The scholars. The cat. Cats. Bakers. A butcher. The moon. The stars. Carpenters. The carpenter. The mower. Porters. Ploughmen.
Examples.—“Baby” smiles. “Babies” cry. “Lightning” strikes. Supply verbs for all the subjects.
Place Subjects before the following Predicates:—
Mew. Chatter. Grunt. Ran. Hum. Fly. Howl. Is walking. Plays. Played. Fell. Whistled. Shrieked. Sings. Sing. Sang. Sleeps. Slept. Bark. Barks. Cried. Bloom. Laughed. Soar. Swim. Swam. Was swimming. Dawns. Dawned. Gallops. Roar.
Examples.—Cats “mew.” Monkeys “chatter.” Pigs “grunt.” Go on and write subjects for all the verbs.
The Predicate always is, or contains, a Verb. In many sentences the Predicate is a Verb alone. When it is a Verb in the Active Voice, it has an Object, thus:—
Subject. | Predicate. | Object. |
---|---|---|
Parents | love | children. |
Children | obey | parents. |
Boys | write | essays. |
Haste | makes | waste. |
Pick out the Subjects, Predicates, and Objects.
Soldiers fight battles. Tom missed Fred. Mary is minding baby. Job showed patience. Abraham had faith. Romulus founded Rome. Titus captured Jerusalem. Arthur loves father. Walter threw a stone. Tom broke a window. The servant swept the room. Masons build houses. The girl is milking the cow. The dog bit the beggar. Artists paint pictures. I am expecting a letter. We have won prizes.
Examples.—The word “soldiers” is the subject; “fight” is the predicate; “battles” is the object. “Tom” is the subject; “missed” is the predicate; “Fred” is the object. You do not need to be confined to the sentences here given; write others of your own, and name the subjects, verbs and objects.
You will readily understand what is required to complete the sentences in Exercises 5, 6 and 7. A poet writes poems. The smith strikes the iron, etc.
Supply Predicates.
A poet ... poems. The smith ... the iron. Horses ... carts. Cows ... grass. Cats ... milk. The sexton ... the bell. The horse ... the groom. Grocers ... sugar. The hounds ... the fox. Birds ... nests. The gardener ... the flowers. Miss Wilson ... a ballad. Horses ... hay. The dog ... the thief. The banker ... a purse. Tailors ... coats. Brewers ... beer. The girl ... a rose.
Supply Objects.
The servant broke.... The cook made.... The hunter killed.... Farmers till.... Soldiers fight.... Tom missed.... Mary is minding.... Romulus founded.... Titus captured.... Cæsar invaded.... The gardener sowed.... Somebody stole.... Artists paint.... The sailor lost.... Children learn.... Authors write.... Farmers grow.... Birds build.... I admire.... We like.... I hurt....
Supply Subjects.
... dusted the room. ... is drawing a load. ... loves me. ... met Tom. ... caught the thief. ... grow flowers. ... bit the beggar. ... won the prize. ... has lost the dog. ... has killed the cat. ... felled a tree. ... are singing songs. ... is making a pudding. ... is expecting a letter. ... gives light. ... makes shoes. ... sold a book. ... like him. ... likes him.
Subjects may be enlarged by Adjuncts. Thus the sentence “Boys work” may, by additions to the subject, become
The boys work.
These boys work.
Good boys work.
My boys work.
The good boys of the village work.
The good boys of the village, wishing to please their master, work.
Point out the Subject and its Adjuncts.
Tom’s brother has arrived. The careless boy will be punished. The laws of the land have been broken. The sweet flowers are blooming. The poor slave is crying. The boat, struck by a great wave, sank. The little child, tired of play, is sleeping. A short letter telling the good news has been sent.
Add Adjuncts to each Subject.
Birds fly. Sheep bleat. Stars are shining. Cattle are grazing. Soldiers are watching. Donkeys bray. Lightning is flashing. The sun is shining. The scholars are studying. The ploughman is whistling. Monkeys chatter. Pigs grunt. The lark is soaring. Lions roar.
Objects, like Subjects, may be enlarged by Adjuncts. Thus the sentence “Boys learn[34] lessons” may, by additions to the Object, become
Boys learn the lessons.
Boys learn their lessons.
Boys learn home lessons.
Boys learn difficult lessons.
Boys learn lessons about Verbs.
Boys learn the lessons set by Mr. Edwards.
Boys learn the difficult home lessons about Verbs set by Mr. Edwards.
Point out the Object and its Adjuncts.
The servant dusted every room. Fred loves his sweet little sister. We have rented a house at Barmouth. We saw our neighbor’s new Shetland pony. I am reading a book written by my father. The policeman caught the man accused of theft. The gardener is hoeing the potatoes planted by him in the early spring.
Add Adjuncts to each Object.
The soldiers fought battles. Mary is minding baby. Walter threw a stone. Tom broke a window. The servant swept the room. The girl is milking the cow. The dog bit the beggar. The artist painted pictures. I am expecting a letter. We have won prizes. The fire destroyed houses. The general gained a victory. The engineer made a railway. The children drowned the kittens. We have bought books. He teaches geography.
Predicates, like Subjects and Objects, may be enlarged by Adjuncts. Thus the sentence “Boys work” may, by additions to the Predicate, become
Boys work diligently.
Boys work now.
Boys work in school.
Boys work to please their teacher.
Boys work diligently now in school to please their teacher.
Pick out Predicate and its Adjuncts.
Tom’s brother will come to-morrow. The careless girl was looking off her book. The laws of the land were often broken by the rude mountaineers. Pretty flowers grow in my garden all through the spring. The poor slave was crying bitterly over the loss of his child. The corn is waving in the sun. The great bell was tolling slowly for the death of the President. The trees are bowing before the strong wind. I am going to Montreal with my father next week.
Add Adjuncts to each Predicate in Exercises 8, 9, 10 and 11.
Some Verbs do not convey a complete idea, and therefore cannot be Predicates by themselves. Such Verbs are called Verbs of Incomplete Predication, and the words added to complete the Predicate are called the Complement.
The words, “London is,” do not contain a complete idea. Add the words, “a great city,” and you have a complete sentence. “William was,” needs a complement, and you can finish the sentence by writing, “Duke of Normandy.”
Point out the Verbs of Incomplete Predication and the Complements.
Thou art the man. I am he. It is good. He is here. The house is to be sold. The horse is in the stable. The gun was behind the door. Jackson is a very good gardener. Those buds will be pretty flowers. Old King Cole was a merry old soul. I’m the chief of Ulva’s isle. William became King of England. The girl seems to be very happy. The general was made Emperor of Rome.
Supply Complements.
London is.... Paris is.... Jerusalem was.... The boy will be.... He has become.... We are.... I am.... He was.... Richard became.... The prisoners are.... The man was.... Those birds are.... Grass is.... Homer was.... The child was.... The sun is.... The stars are.... The sheep were.... Charleston is.... Havana was....
A sentence when written should always begin with a capital letter, and nearly always end with a full stop.
A sentence which is a question ends with a note of interrogation (?), and one which is an exclamation ends with a note of admiration or exclamation (!).
Make sentences about
Fire. The sun. The moon. The sea. Bread. Butter. Cheese. Wool. Cotton. Linen. Boots. Hats. A coat. The table. The window. The desk. Pens. Ink. Paper. Pencils. Lead. Iron. Tin. Copper. Gold. Silver. A knife. The clock. Books. Coal. The servant. A chair. Breakfast. Dinner. Supper. The apple. The pear. Oranges. Lemons. Water. Milk. Coffee. Tea. Cocoa. Maps. Pictures.
Make sentences introducing the following pairs of words:
Fire, grate. Sun, earth. Moon, night. Bread, flour. Pen, steel. Wool, sheep. Cotton, America. Boots, leather. Ink, black. Paper, rags. Walk, fields. Pair, gloves. Learning, to paint. Brother, arm. Wheel, cart. London, Thames. Bristol, Avon. Dublin, Ireland. Paris, France. Columbus, America. Shakespeare, poet. Threw, window. Useful, metal. Carpet, new. Wall, bricklayer. Road, rough. Lock, cupboard. Jug, full. Hawaii, island. Pencils, made. Drew, map.
Write complete sentences in answer to the following questions:—
Example. | Question. What is your name? |
Answer. My name is John Smith. |
If you said simply “John Smith” your answer would not be a complete sentence.
What is your name? When were you born? How old are you? Where do you live? How long have you lived there? What school do you attend? Of what games are you fond? During what part of the year is football played? And lawn-tennis? Are you learning Latin? And French? And German? Can you swim? And row? And ride? And play the piano? Do you like the sea? Have you ever been on the sea? Have you read “Robinson Crusoe?” What is the first meal of the day? And the second? And the third? Where does the sun rise? And set? How many days are there in a week? And in a year? And in leap year? How often does leap year come?
Make three sentences about each of the following:—
The place where you live. France. India. Australia. America. A horse. A cow. A dog. A sheep. A lion. A tiger. Spring. Summer. Autumn. Winter. The sun. The moon. Stars. Holidays. Boys’ games. Girls’ games. A railway. A steam-engine. The sea. A ship. Flowers. Fruits. A garden. Wool. Cotton. Leather. Silk. Water. Milk. Rice. Wheat. Books. Tea. Coffee. Sugar. Cocoa. Paper. Houses. Bricks. Stone. A field. Guns. A watch. A farm. Knives. Bees. Shellfish. Fresh-water fish. Coal. Glass. Gas. The United States. New York. The Mississippi. Canada. Indians. Chicago. St. Louis. Oakland. Philadelphia. Bicycle. Golf.
Combine each of the following facts into a sentence and write it out:
Example: Take the first name below, thus:—“Joseph Addison, the essayist, was born at Milston in Wiltshire, in the year 1672.” Pursue the same plan with all the other sets of facts here furnished.
Name. | What he was. | Where born. | When born. |
---|---|---|---|
Joseph Addison | Essayist | Milston, Wiltshire | 1672 |
William Blake | Poet and painter | London | 1757 |
John Bunyan | Author of the “Pilgrim’s Progress” | Elstow, Bedfordshire | 1628 |
Lord Byron | Great English poet | London | 1788 |
Geoffrey Chaucer | Great English poet | London (probably) | About 1344 |
George Washington | First President of the United States | Virginia | 1732 |
Justin S. Morrill | United States Senator | Vermont | 1810 |
William McKinley | President of the United States | Ohio | 1844 |
Name. | What he was. | Where he died. | When he died. |
---|---|---|---|
Matthew Arnold | Poet and essayist | Liverpool | 1888 |
Daniel Defoe | Author of “Robinson Crusoe” | London | 1731 |
Henry Fielding | Novelist | Lisbon | 1754 |
Henry Hallam | Historian | Penshurst | 1859 |
William Shakespeare | Greatest English poet | Stratford-on-Avon | 1616 |
William H. Gladstone | Great English statesman | Hawarden | 1898 |
Henry W. Longfellow | American poet | Cambridge | 1882 |
Abraham Lincoln | President of the United States | Washington | 1865 |
Battle. | Date. | Between. | Victor. |
---|---|---|---|
Senlac, near Hastings | 1066 | English and Normans | Normans |
Bannockburn | 1314 | English and Scotch | Scotch |
Cressy | 1346 | English and French | English |
Waterloo | 1815 | English and French | English |
Marston Moor | 1644 | Royalists and Parliamentarians | Parliamentarians |
Bull Run | 1861 | Unionists and Confederates | Confederates |
Manila | 1898 | Americans and Spaniards | Americans |
These facts should be combined into sentences in various ways, thus:
The Normans defeated the English at Senlac, near Hastings, in the year 1066.
The English were defeated by the Normans at Senlac, near Hastings, in the year 1066.
In the year 1066, at Senlac, near Hastings, the Normans beat the English, etc. etc.
Event. | Place. | Date. | Person. |
---|---|---|---|
Printing introduced into England | 1476 | William Caxton | |
Discovery of America | 1492 | Christopher Columbus | |
Defeat of the Spanish Armada | English Channel | 1588 | Howard, Drake and others |
Gunpowder Plot | Westminster | 1605 | Guy Fawkes and others |
Conquest of England | 1066 | William, Duke of Normandy | |
Surrender of British | Yorktown | 1781 | Lord Cornwallis |
Destruction of Spanish fleet | Santiago | 1898 | Admiral Schley |
A number of simple sentences may sometimes be combined so as to form one.
Example:—The girl was little. She lost her doll. The doll was pretty. It was new. She lost it yesterday. She lost it in the afternoon.
These sentences may be combined in one, thus:—The little girl lost her pretty new doll yesterday afternoon.
The combined sentence tells us as much as the separate sentences, and tells it in a shorter, clearer, and more pleasing way.
Combine the following sets of sentences:—
1. The man is tall. He struck his head. He was entering a carriage. The carriage was low.
2. Tom had a slate. It was new. He broke it. He broke it this morning.
3. The cow is black. She is grazing in a meadow. The meadow is beside the river.
4. The apples are ripe. They grow in an orchard. The orchard is Mr. Brown’s.
5. The corn is green. It is waving. The breeze causes it to wave. The breeze is gentle.
6. The father is kind. He bought some clothes.[37] The clothes were new. He bought them for the children. The children were good.
7. The boy was careless. He made blots. The blots were big. They were made on his book. The book was clean.
8. The bucket was old. It was made of oak. It fell. It fell into the well. The well was deep.
9. Polly Flinders was little. She sat. She sat among the cinders. She was warming her toes. Her toes were pretty. They were little.
10. Tom Tucker is little. He is singing. He is singing for his supper.
11. There were three wise men. They lived at Gotham. They went to sea. They went in a bowl. They had a rough trip.
12. The man came. He was the man in the moon. He came down soon. He came too soon.
13. I saw ships. There were three. They came sailing. They sailed by. I saw them on Christmas day. I saw them in the morning.
14. Cole was a king. He was old. He was a merry soul.
15. A great battle began. It was between the English and the Scotch. It began next morning. It began at break of day. It was at Bannockburn.
Sentences are often combined by means of Conjunctions or other connecting words.
Sentences are combined, by means of the Conjunction and.
Examples:—1. The boy is good. The boy is clever.
2. William is going to school. John is going to school.
3. I admire my teacher. I love my teacher.
These may be combined into single sentences, as follows:—
1. The boy is good and clever.
2. William and John are going to school.
3. I admire and love my teacher.
Note the use of the comma when more than two words or sets of words are joined by and:—
I met Fred, Will and George.
Faith, Hope and Charity are sometimes called the Christian Graces.
I bought a pound of tea, two pounds of coffee, ten pounds of sugar and a peck of flour.
The comma is used in the same way with or.
Combine the following set of sentences by means of the Conjunction and:—
1. Jack went up the hill. Jill went up the hill.
2. The lion beat the unicorn. The lion drove the unicorn out of town.
3. Edward is honest. Edward is truthful.
4. The child is tired. The child is sleepy.
5. Tom will pay us a visit. Ethel will pay us a visit. Their parents will pay us a visit.
6. The grocer sells tea. He sells coffee. He sells sugar.
7. Maud deserves the prize. She will get it.
8. Coal is a mineral. Iron is a mineral. Copper is a mineral. Lead is a mineral.
9. The boy worked hard. He advanced rapidly.
10. Little drops of water, little grains of sand make the mighty ocean. Little drops of water, little grains of sand make the pleasant land.
Sentences are combined by means of the Conjunction or, thus:—
1. The boy is lazy. The boy is stupid.
2. I want a pen. I want a pencil.
3. The horse is lost. The horse is stolen.
These sentences may be combined as follows:—
1. The boy is lazy or stupid.
2. I want a pen or a pencil.
3. The horse is lost or stolen.
Remember to put in the commas when more than two words or sets of words are joined by or, thus:—
We could have tea, coffee or cocoa.
The beggar asked for a piece of bread, a glass of milk or a few pennies.
Combine the following sets of sentences by means of the Conjunction or:—
1. The child was tired. The child was sleepy.
2. My father will meet me at the station. My mother will meet me at the station.
3. Will you have tea? Will you have coffee?
4. The colonel must be present. One of the other officers must be present.
5. The cup was broken by the servant. The cup was broken by the dog. The cup was broken by the cat.
6. I must find the book. I must buy another.
7. The horse is in the stable. The horse is in the barnyard. The horse is in the meadow.
8. The prize will be gained by Brown. The prize will be gained by Smith. The prize will be gained by Jones.
Sentences may be combined by either ... or, and neither ... nor, thus:—
James was at school this morning. His sister was at school this morning.
These sentences may be combined thus:—
Either James or his sister was at school this morning.
Neither James nor his sister was at school this morning.
Combine the following sets of sentences:—(a) By either ... or. (b) By neither ... nor.
1. The man can read. The man can write.
2. He is deaf. He is stupid.
3. That shot will strike the horse. That shot will strike the rider.
4. The king was weak in mind. The king was weak in body.
5. The king was loved. The queen was loved.
6. The cow is for sale. The calf is for sale.
Sentences may be combined by both ... and, thus:—
The man is tired. The horse is tired.
These sentences may be combined in the following:—
Both the man and the horse are tired.
Combine, by means of both ... and, the sets of sentences given in Exercise 23.
Sentences may be combined by means of Conjunctions of Cause, Consequence or Condition, such as if, though, although, because, thus:—
1. You are tired. You may rest.
2. The boy was not bright. He was good.
3. He is liked. He is good tempered.
Combine these sentences as follows:—
1. If you are tired you may rest.
2. Though the boy was not bright he was good.
3. He is liked because he is good tempered.
Combine the following sets of sentences:—
(a) By means of if.
1. You will get the prize. You deserve it.
2. He might have succeeded. He had tried.
3. You are truthful. You will be believed.
4. Send for me. You want me.
5. You do not sow. You cannot expect to reap.
6. You are waking. Call me early.
7. I will come with you. You wish it.
8. We had known you were in town. We should have called on you.
(b) By means of though or although.
9. The man was contented. He was poor.
10. The little girl has travelled much. She is young.
11. The story is true. You do not believe it.
12. He spoke the truth. He was not believed.
13. It was rather cold. The day was pleasant.
14. He is often told of his faults. He does not mend them.
(c) By means of because; also by means of as and since.
16. I came. You called me.
17. I will stay. You wish it.
18. The dog could not enter. The hole was too small.
19. You are tired. You may rest.
20. Freely we serve. We freely love.
21. The hireling fleeth. He is a hireling.
22. We love him. He first loved us.
Sentences may be combined by means of Conjunctive Adverbs (such as where with its compounds, also when, whence, why), and of Conjunctions of Time (such as after, before while, ere, till, until, since).
Combine, by means of one of the words given in the last paragraph, the following sets of sentences:
1. This is the place. My brother works.
2. Mary went. The lamb was sure to go.
3. The boy was reading. His master came up.
4. The moon rose. The sun had set.
5. It is now three months. We heard from our cousin.
6. Do not go out. The storm has abated.
7. The man arrived. We were speaking to him.
8. I remember the house. I was born.
9. I know a bank. The wild thyme blows.
10. There is the field. The money was found.
11. The workman did not hear. He was called.
12. He goes out riding. He can find time.
Supply the omitted clauses:
The tree is still lying where.... Wherever ... was my poor dog Tray. William came after.... My brother cannot stay till.... The merchant has been here since.... Go where.... Smooth runs the water where.... She stayed till.... The boy has worked hard since.... We shall be pleased to see you whenever.... The train had gone before.... The little girl was tired after.... Make hay while....
Sentences may be combined by means of Relative Pronouns, thus:
1. That is the boy. The boy broke the window.
2. That is the man. The man’s window was broken.
3. Mary is the girl. You want Mary.
4. This is the house. Jack built the house.
5. The knife was lost. The knife cost fifty cents.
Combine as follows:
1. That is the boy who broke the window.
2. That is the man whose window was broken.
3. Mary is the girl whom you want.
4. This is the house that Jack built.
5. The knife which was lost cost fifty cents.
Combine, as in the examples just given, the following pairs of sentences:
1. The boy is crying. The boy is called Tom.
2. The man was hurt. The man is better now.
3. The grocer has sent for the police. The grocer’s goods were stolen.
4. The child is very naughty. The father punished the child.
5. My uncle gave me the book. The book is on the table.
6. The horse goes well. I bought the horse.
7. The lady sings beautifully. You see the lady.
8. They did not hear the preacher. They went to hear the preacher.
9. The gentleman is very kind to the poor. You see the gentleman’s house.
10. I have just bought an overcoat. The overcoat is waterproof.
11. The tree was a chestnut. The wind blew the tree down.
12. Tom had just been given the dollar. He lost it.
13. The boy drove away the birds. The birds were eating the corn.
14. The girl is very clever. You met her brother.
15. The dog fetched the birds. Its master had shot them.
16. Where is the book? You borrowed it.
17. The cow has been found. It was lost.
If the proper stops are left out, the meaning of a sentence may be doubtful. Take, for example, the toast at a public dinner:
Woman without her man is a brute.
This might mean that woman without man is a brute. Punctuate the sentence correctly by the right use of the comma, and you will see that the meaning is quite different. Thus: Woman, without her, man is a brute.
The misplacing of the stops may make nonsense of a sentence. Take the sentence:
Cæsar entered, on his head his helmet, on his feet sandals, in his hand his trusty sword, in his eye an angry glare.
This may become: Cæsar entered on his head, his helmet on his feet, sandals in his hand, his trusty sword in his eye, an angry glare.
The barber’s sign also had two meanings according to its punctuation:
A Full Stop is placed at the end of every sentence.
Insert full stops where wanted. Place a capital letter after each.
The old man was sitting under a tree the house was burned the roses were scattered by the wind the carpet was beaten this morning the mower was bitten by a snake that book is liked England was conquered by William the corn was ground by the miller the father was called by a little girl the cheeses were eaten by mice that fish is caught with a hook the[40] flowers were gathered by Ellen that carving is much admired the lady was nearly stunned snow had newly fallen the sun had just risen the moon was almost setting Amelia is always reading Nelly had often driven the horse the week has quickly gone the bells were merrily ringing.
Examples:—The old man was sitting under a tree. The house was burned. The roses were scattered by the wind, etc.
Write the following, insert stops where wanted, and make good sense of it.
The celebrated Rabelais was once staying at a remote country inn he wished to go to Paris but had no money to pay his traveling expenses he therefore hit upon a plan of traveling at the expense of the government out of brickdust he made up three little parcels on the first he wrote “For the king” on the second “For the king’s son” on the third “For the king’s brother” the landlord seeing these on the table where they had been purposely left sent word to the king’s ministers they ordered a messenger to fetch the traitor when he reached Paris he was recognized he proved that he was no traitor and his trick was discovered.
Example:—The celebrated Rabelais was once staying at a remote country inn. He wished to go to Paris, but had no money to pay his traveling expenses. He, therefore, hit upon a plan of traveling, etc.
Correct the punctuation.
A farmer had several sons. Who used to quarrel with one another. He tried to cure them of this bad habit. By pointing out how foolish and wicked it was. But he found. That he did no good. By talking to them. So one day he laid a bundle of sticks before them. And he bade them break it. The eldest put out all his strength. But in vain. The other sons tried in vain. But they all failed. Then the father. Untying the bundle. Gave his sons the separate sticks to break. And they broke them easily. “Remember,” he said, “the lesson. Which this bundle teaches. While you help each other. None can harm you. When you quarrel. You are easily hurt.”
Every direct question is followed by a Note of Interrogation; as, “How do you do?” “When did you see your father?” “I suppose, sir, you are a doctor?”
Sometimes a question forms part of a larger sentence, as,
They put this question to the committee, “Will you grant us a hearing?” in a manner that proved their earnestness.
Except in such cases, a note of interrogation is always followed by a capital letter.
Carefully observe the full stops and notes of interrogation in the following:
A Paris fortune-teller was arrested and brought before a magistrate. He said to her, “You know how to read the future?” “I do, sir.” “Then you know what sentence I mean to pass on you?” “Certainly.” “Well, what will happen to you?” “Nothing.” “You are sure of it?” “Yes.” “Why?” “Because if you had meant to punish me you would not be cruel enough to mock me.”
Insert full stops and notes of interrogation.
Is the gardener pruning the trees has the baker been here is the teacher liked were those roses cut to-day had the gentleman lost his hat was the thief caught is the water boiling have the girls learned their poetry has the window been broken was the ship wrecked has the crew been saved was Susan knitting will Mr. Robinson sing has Frank started
A boy was going away without his mother’s leave she called after him “Where are you going, sir” “To the village” “What for” “To buy ten cents worth of nails” “And what do you want ten cents worth of nails for” “For a nickel”
The Comma is the most frequently used of all stops.
As a general rule, it may be stated that when, in reading, a slight pause is made, a comma should be inserted in writing; thus:—
The Spaniards were no match for the Roosevelt fighters, however, and, as had been the case at La Quasina, the Western cowboys and Eastern “dandies” hammered the enemy from their path. Straight ahead they advanced, until by noon they were well along toward San Juan, the capture of which was their immediate object. Fighting like demons, they held their ground tenaciously, now pressing forward[41] a few feet, then falling back, under the enemy’s fire, to the position they held a few moments before.
Without books God is silent, justice dormant, natural science at a stand, philosophy lame, letters dumb and all things involved in Cimmerian darkness.
When a Noun or Pronoun in Apposition is very closely connected with the preceding word, no comma is needed, as,
William the Conqueror.
My cousin Fred.
Cromwell the Protector.
When the connection is not so close, or when the words in apposition are qualified, the phrase should have commas before and after, as,
William, the Norman conqueror of England, lived a stormy life.
My cousin, the bold and gallant Fred, fell in battle.
Cromwell, the great Protector, died in 1658.
Insert the necessary commas.
Napoleon the fallen emperor was sent to St. Helena. I live in Washington the capital of the United States. The children love their uncle Mr. Holmes. That coat was made by Brown the village tailor. It was the lark the herald of the morn. Tom the piper’s son stole a pig. Frank the jockey’s leg is broken. Rome the city of the emperors became the city of the popes. He still feels ambition the last infirmity of noble minds. Julius Cæsar a great Roman general invaded Britain.
Examples:—Napoleon, the fallen emperor, was sent to St. Helena. I live in Washington, the capital, etc. The children love their uncle, Mr. Holmes, etc.
A Nominative of Address is marked off by commas, as,
Are you, sir, waiting for anyone?
Should the Nominative of Address have any qualifying words joined to it, the whole phrase is marked off by commas, as,
How now, my man of mettle, what is it you want?
Insert the necessary commas.
O Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo? In truth fair Montague I am too fond. O grave where is thy victory? I pray you sire to let me have the honor. Exult ye proud patricians. Put on thy strength O Zion. My name dear saint is hateful to myself. I am sorry friend that my vessel is already chosen. O night and darkness ye are wondrous strong. Good morrow sweet Hal. Now my good sweet honey lord ride with us to-morrow. Come my masters let us share. For mine own part my lord I could be well content to be there.
Examples:—O Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond. I pray you, sire, to let me have the honor, etc.
An Adverbial phrase or clause let into a sentence should be marked off by commas, as,
His story was, in several ways, improbable.
The letter was written, strange to say, on club paper.
Supply commas where necessary.
You will hear in the course of the meeting a full account of the business. The story is however true. The wounded man is according to the latest news doing well. He arrived in spite of difficulties at his journey’s end. He explains with perfect simplicity vast designs affecting all the governments of Europe. In France indeed such things are done. I will when I see you tell you a secret. I had till you told me heard nothing of the matter. There where a few torn shrubs the place disclose the village preacher’s modest mansion rose. You may if you call again see him. You cannot unless you try harder hope to succeed.
Examples:—You will hear, in the course of the meeting, a full account, etc. The story is, however, true. You cannot, unless you try harder, hope to succeed, etc.
Words, phrases, or clauses of the same kind, coming after one another, must be separated by commas, except when joined by Conjunctions, as,
On I walked, my face flushed, my feet sore, my clothes dusty and my stomach as empty as my purse.
Supply commas where necessary.
I met Fred Will and George. Faith hope and charity are the Christian graces. The grocer sold four pounds of cheese two pounds of bacon and seven pounds of sugar. Little drops of water little grains of sand make the mighty ocean and the pleasant land. We could have tea coffee cocoa lemonade or ginger beer. The beggar asked for a piece of bread a glass of milk or a few pence. The prize will be won by Smith Brown or Jones. The first second third and fourth boys in the class will be promoted.
Examples:—I met Fred, Will and George. Faith, hope and charity are, etc. The first, second, third and fourth boys, etc.
A participial phrase is generally marked off by commas; as,
The general, seeing his soldiers turn, galloped up to them.
The baby lying asleep, the children were very quiet.
Insert commas where necessary.
James leaving the country William was made king. The storm having abated the ships ventured to sail. Henry returning victorious the people went forth to meet him. My friend Sir Roger being a good churchman has beautified the inside of his church. The woman being in great trouble was weeping. Fearing the storm we returned.
Examples:—James leaving the country, William was made king. Fearing the storm, we returned, etc.
Insert commas where necessary in the following sentences:—
On their bridal trip they took a palace car went down the Cumberland Valley stopped awhile at a watering place and wondered at the divorce cases recorded in the newspapers.
In those distant days as in all other times and places where the mental atmosphere is changing and men are inhaling the stimulus of new ideas folly often mistook itself for wisdom ignorance gave itself airs of knowledge and selfishness turning its eyes upward called itself religion—George Eliot.
When I was running about this town a very poor fellow I was a great arguer for the advantages of poverty but I was at the same time very sorry to be poor.—Johnson.
It may be generally stated that a Semi-colon is used in a complex sentence when a comma would not be a sufficient division.
Co-ordinate clauses or sentences, especially if not joined by Conjunctions, are generally separated by semi-colons.
Examples of the use of semi-colons.
Many a man lives a burden to the earth; but a good book is the precious life-blood of a master-spirit, embalmed and treasured up on purpose to a life beyond life.—Milton.
Supply semi-colons where necessary.
Of the great men by whom Milton had been distinguished at his entrance into life some had been taken away from the evil to come some had carried into foreign climates their unconquerable hatred of oppression some were pining in dungeons and some had poured forth their blood on scaffolds.
Examples:—Of the great men by whom Milton had been distinguished at his entrance into life, some had been taken away from the evil to come; some had carried into foreign climates their unconquerable[43] hatred of oppression; some were pining in dungeons, and some had poured forth their blood on scaffolds.
The Note of Admiration or Exclamation is used
1. After Interjections; as,
2. After a phrase in the nature of an address or exclamation; as,
3. As a mark of surprise; as,
Insert notes of exclamation where necessary.
Alas he is already dead. Alas poor Yorick. Tush never tell me that. Well-a-day it is but too true. Tut, tut that is all nonsense. Hey come here. O for a falconer’s voice. Hurrah our side has won. Bravo that was well done. Hush the baby is asleep. Ah the cowards. Oh what beautiful flowers. Heigh-ho I am tired of waiting.
Examples:—Alas! poor Yorick. Tut, tut! that is all nonsense. Bravo! that was well done, etc.
A Quotation is said to be direct when the exact words are given; it is said to be indirect when the substance is given, but not the exact words; thus:—
Direct quotations.
1. Mr. Brown said, “I am going for a walk.”
2. Mrs. Evans writes, “I hope to see you soon.”
3. He asked me, “What is your name?”
Indirect quotations.
1. Mr. Brown said he was going for a walk.
2. Mrs. Evans writes that she hopes to see us soon.
3. He asked me what my name was.
Turn the direct quotations into indirect.
Johnson said, “I am a very fair judge.” “I doubt the story,” observed Mrs. Beckett. “That was not quite what I had in my mind,” answered the widow. “I am very tired,” added Mr. Brown. “That is false,” we all shouted. “You must be a born fool,” shouted the old man to me. “Our host is an inferior person,” he remarked. “Are you better?” inquired she. Some one asked, “Do you mean to stay till to-morrow?” “Little kitten,” I say, “just an hour you may stay.” “I’ll have that mouse,” said the bigger cat. Bun replied, “You are doubtless very big.”
Examples:—Johnson said he was a very fair judge. Mrs. Beckett observed that she doubted the story. Some one asked if you mean to stay, etc. Bun replied that he was doubtless very big, etc.
A direct quotation always begins with a capital letter, and is placed within inverted commas, thus:—
The man said, “Where are you going?”
The titles of books are generally placed within inverted commas, thus:—
Defoe wrote “Robinson Crusoe.”
Thackeray is the author of “Vanity Fair,” “Pendennis,” “Esmond,” “The Newcomes,” and other novels.
Place all direct quotations within inverted commas.
Oh Charley, this is too absurd ejaculated Mrs. Beckett. Why, Mr. Paton must be going mad exclaimed Mrs. Beckett. Oh dear! dear! I can indeed gasped the widow. The butler announced Major and Mrs. Wellington de Boots. You will give my[44] love to your mother when you write said Mary warmly. He smiled as though he were thinking I have it not to give. The elder replied I was, as usual, unfortunate. How naughty he is said his mother. Do you understand the language of flowers? inquired Uncle Ralph. Why, that is lightning exclaimed the knight. Juan replied Not while this arm is free. He thought The boy will be here soon. Tom broke in with You do not know whom I mean. He will soon be back continued Mr. Brooke. Remember the proverb Small strokes fell great oaks. Provoking scoundrel muttered the antiquary. Out with those boats and let us haste away cried one. Hearts of oak! our captains cried.
Examples:—“Oh! Charley, this is too absurd,” ejaculated Mrs. Beckett. “Why, Mr. Paton must be going mad,” exclaimed Mrs. Beckett. “Hearts of oak!” our captains cried.
The student should write out all of the above sentences and place the quotation marks where they belong. You have enough examples to guide you.
Sometimes, in the course of a quotation, words are inserted which form no part of the quotation; thus,
In such cases every separate part of the quotation is marked off by inverted commas. A capital letter is placed only at the beginning of the quotation, or after a full stop.
Place all direct quotations within inverted commas.
I cannot tell you that replied the young man; it would not be fair to others. It was not answered the other; your house has always seemed like home. But, surely, argued the widow it must be a comfort to feel that. In the meantime said Edgar I will write to you. A common rose, said Uncle Ralph, like common sense and common honesty, is not so very common. Poor faithful old doggie! murmured Mrs. Currie, he thought Tacks was a burglar. Capital house dog! murmured the colonel; I shall never forget how he made poor Heavisides run. Cloudy, sir, said the colonel, cloudy; rain before morning, I think. I don’t see the dog I began; I suppose you found him all right, the other evening. Oh, uncle, pleaded Lilian; don’t talk like that.
Examples:—“I cannot tell you that,” replied the young man; “it would not be fair to others.” “It was not,” answered the other; “your house has always seemed like home.”
When double inverted commas are used for an ordinary quotation, a quotation within a quotation is marked by single inverted commas; thus,
Miriam sang, “The enemy said, ‘I will pursue, I will overtake, I will divide the spoil.’”
Place all direct quotations within inverted commas.
Mr. Brocklehurst said When I asked him which he would rather have, a gingerbread nut to eat or a verse of a Psalm to learn he says Oh the verse of a Psalm: angels sing Psalms. He continued, On her return she exclaimed Oh, dear Papa, how quiet and plain all the girls at Lowood look. I shall remember I said how you thrust me back though I cried out Have mercy! Have mercy, Aunt Reed. The father said Remember the proverb Keep not evil men company lest you increase the number. But said the lecturer you must note the words of Shakespeare
The teacher asked in what play do the words All the world’s a stage occur? My sister writes in her last letter Will you please get me a copy of the song Tell me, my heart. In a poem on Dr. South preaching before Charles II. we read
Examples:—He continued, “On her return she exclaimed, ‘Oh! dear Papa, how quiet and plain all girls at Lowood look.’” “But,” said the lecturer, “you must note the words of Shakespeare,
A colon (:) is used to separate parts of a sentence that are complete in themselves and nearly independent, often taking the place of a conjunction, thus:—
Labor is the first great law: labor is good for man.
A period (.) brings the sentence to a full stop, thus:—
He rode down the valley, over the hill, and finally coming to a farmhouse, there he stopped.
You now come to a very important part of these exercises. You are to turn to practical account what you have learned concerning Punctuation. Write the lines that follow, and make good sense by dividing them into sentences and placing the punctuation marks where they belong. Take time for this and do it thoroughly.
The following Example will aid you in carrying out your instructions. The sentences are first printed without punctuation. I then construct the sentences and give them punctuation marks:
The smoke from the Spanish fleet rose above the headlands of Santiago Harbor are they coming out I shouted to Fowler aye sir there they come he cried instantly we took in the situation and being ready for battle stood to our guns did you ask if it was a hot chase well our captains gunners and marines can answer that what thunder of guns our victory was complete the President cabled congratulations.
Divided into sentences and punctuated, you have the following: The smoke from the Spanish fleet rose above the headlands of Santiago Harbor. “Are they coming out?” I shouted to Fowler. “Aye, sir, there they come,” he cried. Instantly we took in the situation, and, being ready for battle, stood to our guns. Did you ask if it was a hot chase? Well, our captains, gunners and marines can answer that. What thunder of guns! Our victory was complete; the President cabled congratulations.
Insert the necessary stops and capital letters.
Mr. Rich had much money and little politeness he thought it beneath him to be civil to ordinary people one wet day he was driving in his carriage along a turnpike road when he came to the toll gate he called out what’s to pay five cents if you please sir said the keeper Mr. Rich instead of handing the money rudely flung a quarter on the muddy ground and cried there take your change out of that the keeper stooped for the quarter and picked it up then placing twenty cents exactly on the same spot he coolly walked back into his cottage.
The statement is beyond doubt true. They set out and in a few hours arrived at their father’s. We live in an old beautiful and interesting town. Sir I believe you. He is guilty of the vice of cowards falsehood. The horse tired with the long gallop could go no further. Yes I am coming. Nay you are wrong. Philosophers assert that nature is unlimited in her operations that she has inexhaustible treasures in reserve that knowledge will always be progressive and that all future generations will continue to make discoveries of which we have not the least idea. Is this the gray-haired wanderer mildly said the voice which we so lately overheard Hark ’tis the twanging horn. O what a fall was there my countrymen Oh why has worth so short a date Such inquiry according to him was out of their province. The conflict was terrible it was the combat of despair against grief and rage.
In the preceding pages you have been advised to practice the writing of compositions by reading the productions of authors, and then writing from memory what you have read. This may not be easy at first. You will, however, find it less difficult as you proceed. You could not become an expert typewriter or pianist without faithful practice, yet we have expert typewriters and pianists.
It is so with learning to express your thoughts in writing. What is hard at first becomes “second nature” afterward. I have prepared some helpful rules and examples to aid you.
When writing a Story which you have read or heard, observe the following directions:—
1. Before beginning to write, think over the whole story, to make sure that you remember all the points, and the order in which they come.
Neglect of this direction may cause you to omit something or to put something in the wrong place.
2. Before beginning to write each sentence, arrange the whole of it in your mind.
If you neglect this direction you may find that the second part of a sentence goes badly with the first, or that you cannot finish at all a sentence such as you have begun. Here is an example:—
I am desired to inform the Board of Aldermen that Mr. Alderman Gill died last night by order of Mrs. Gill.
The words printed in italics could not have been in the mind of the writer when he began, or he would have placed them after desired, or (better still) he would have said, “I am desired by Mrs. Gill, etc.”
3. Make short sentences.
Beware of using and and so too much. Avoid such a sentence as the following:
Once upon a time there was a fox and he went into a vineyard and there he saw many bunches of beautiful ripe grapes hanging on high and he tried to reach them and he could not jump high enough and so he turned to go and said “It does not matter; the grapes are sour.”
Such a sentence ought to be divided into several; thus:—
A fox once went into a vineyard. There he saw many bunches of beautiful ripe grapes hanging on high. He tried to reach them, but found that he could not jump high enough. As he turned to go he said, “It does not matter; the grapes are sour.”
The following sentence has several faults besides its length:—
He [Swinton] did with a sort of eloquence that moved the whole House lay out all his own errors and the ill spirit he was in when he committed the things that were charged on him with so tender a sense that he seemed as one indifferent what they should do with him, and without so much as moving for mercy or even for a delay he did so effectually prevail on them that they recommended him to the king as a fit object of his mercy.—Burnet: History of his Own Time.
It is amended somewhat by division into shorter sentences, thus:—
With a sort of eloquence that moved the whole House, he did lay out all his own errors and the ill spirit that he was in when he committed the things that were charged on him. He spoke with so tender a sense that he seemed as one indifferent what they should do with him. Without so much as moving for mercy or even for a delay, he did so effectually prevail on them that they recommended him to the king as a fit object for mercy.
4. Use no word of which you do not know the exact meaning.
Neglect of this rule led some one to write:
At the dedication of the Gettysburg Monument, President Lincoln gave the ovation.
5. Do not use long words if you can find short ones.
The barber who advertised himself as “a first-class tonsorial artist and facial operator,” meant only that he could cut hair and shave well.
6. Arrange the different parts of each sentence so that they convey the meaning which you intend.
The following sentence is badly arranged:—
He tells stories which Mountain would be shocked to hear after dinner.—Thackeray: The Virginians.
Mountain would be shocked to hear them at any time. To convey the author’s meaning the sentence should be:—
After dinner he tells stories which Mountain would be shocked to hear.
7. When you have written your story, always read it over, and correct all the mistakes which you can find.
A fox that had fallen into a well tried in vain to get out again. By-and-by a goat came to the place to quench her thirst. Seeing the fox below she asked if the water was good. “Yes,” answered the cunning creature, “it is so good that I cannot leave off drinking.” Thereupon the goat, without a moment’s thought, jumped in. The fox at once scrambled on her back and got out. Then, looking down at the poor fool, he said coolly, “If you had half as much brains as beard, you would look before you leap.”
A vain jackdaw found some peacocks’ feathers and stuck them amongst his own. Then he left his old companions and boldly went amongst the peacocks. They knew him at once, in spite of his disguise; so they stripped off his borrowed plumes, pecked him well, and sent him about his business. He went back to the daws as if nothing had happened, but they would not allow him to mix with them. If he was too good for them before, they were too good for him now. Thus the silly bird, by trying to appear better than he was, lost his old friends without making any new ones.
One frosty day a grasshopper, half dead with cold and hunger, knocked at the door of an ant, and begged for something to eat. “What were you doing in the summer?” asked the ant. “Oh, I was singing all the time.” “Then,” said the ant, “if you could sing all the summer you may dance all the winter.”
A wolf, coming to a brook to drink, saw a lamb standing in the stream, some distance down. He made up his mind to kill her, and at once set about finding an excuse. “Villain,” he said, “how dare you dirty the water which I am drinking?” The lamb answered meekly, “Sir, it is impossible for me to dirty the water which you are drinking, because the stream runs from you to me, not from me to you.” “Be that as it may,” replied the wolf, “you called me bad names a year ago.” “Sir,” pleaded the lamb, “you are mistaken; a year ago I was not born.” “Then,” said the hungry beast, “if it was not you it was your father, and that is as bad. It is of no use trying to argue me out of my supper.” Thereupon he fell upon the poor creature and ate her up.
As two friends were traveling through a wood, a bear rushed out upon them. One of the men without a thought to his companion, climbed up into a tree, and hid among the branches. The other, knowing that alone he had no chance, threw himself on the ground, and pretended to be dead; for he had heard that bears will not touch a dead body. The creature came and sniffed him from head to foot, but, thinking him to be lifeless, went away without harming him. Then the man in the tree got down, and, hoping to pass his cowardice off with a joke, he said, “I noticed that the bear had his mouth very close to your ear; what did he whisper to you?” “Oh,” answered the other, “he only told me never to keep company with those who in time of danger leave their friends in the lurch.”
A farmer who had just sown his fields placed a net to catch the cranes that came to steal his corn. After some time he went to look at the net, and in it he found several cranes and one stork. “Oh, sir, please spare me,” said the stork; “I am not a crane, I am an innocent stork, kind to my parents, and——” The farmer would hear no more. “All that may be very true,” he said, “but it is no business of mine. I found you amongst thieves, and you must suffer with them.”
A woodman was working beside a deep river when his axe slipped, and fell into the water. As the axe was his living, he was very sorry to lose it, and sat on the bank to weep. Mercury, hearing his cries, appeared to him, and, finding what was the matter, dived, and brought up a golden axe. “Is this the one which you lost?” asked the god. “No,” said the woodman. Then the god dived a second time, and brought up a silver axe, and asked if that was the one. The woodman again answered “No.” So Mercury dived a third time, and then he brought up the axe which had been lost. “That is mine,” cried the woodman joyfully. The god gave it to him, and presented him with the other two as a reward for his truth and honesty.
One of the woodman’s neighbors, hearing what had happened, determined to see if he could not have the same good luck. He went to the bank of the river, began to fell a tree, purposely let his axe slip into the water, and then pretended to cry. Mercury appeared as before, dived, and brought up a golden axe. The man, in his eagerness to grasp the prize, forgot to act as his neighbor had done; so when the god asked, “Is that yours?” he answered “Yes.” To punish him for his lying and dishonesty, the god would neither give him the golden axe nor find his own.
Dr. Johnson always spoke scornfully of actors and actresses, but he treated the famous actress, Mrs. Siddons, with great politeness. She called on him, and his servant could not readily find a chair for her. “You see, madam,” said the doctor, “wherever you go no seats can be got.”
An ignorant Englishman once visited Paris. After his return he was talking to some of his friends about the wonders he had seen. “I was most surprised,” he said, “with the cleverness of the children. Boys and girls of seven or eight spoke French quite as easily as the children in this country speak English.”
A Cambridge student sent to another student to borrow a book. “I never lend my books out,” was the answer, “but if the gentleman chooses to come to my rooms he may use them there.” A few days after the book owner sent to the other student to borrow a carpet sweeper. “I never lend my carpet sweeper,” replied he, “but if the gentleman chooses to come to my rooms he may use it there.”
A rich farmer sent his son to a famous university. The young man was rather foolish, and brought home more folly than learning. One night, when there were two fowls for supper, he said, “I can prove these two fowls to be three.” “Let us hear,” answered the old man. “This,” said the scholar, pointing to the first, “is one; this,” pointing to the second, “is two; and two and one make three.” “Since you have made it out so well,” replied the father, “your mother shall have the first fowl, I will have the second, and you may keep the third for your great learning.”
A Dutch vessel and an English vessel were lying near each other. One of the Dutch sailors wished to show his activity, so he ran up the mast, and stood upon his head on the top of it. One of the English sailors (who did not like to be beaten by a Dutchman) also tried to stand upon his head on the top of the mast. He, however, fell. The rigging broke his fall and he alighted on the deck unhurt. “There, you lubber,” he cried, “do that if you dare.”
A very miserly planter formerly lived in the island of Jamaica. He often gave his poor slaves too little food. They complained, and he answered that he could not help himself, because the provision ships had been taken by pirates. This lying excuse satisfied them once, twice, thrice, and again, but in the end long fasting made them impatient. Then they went to their master and said to him, “Is it not strange that the pirates have so often taken the ships bringing food, but have never taken the ships bringing pickaxes and hoes?”
Before Louis the Eleventh became king he used to visit a peasant whose garden produced excellent fruit. After his accession, the peasant brought him as a present a very large turnip which had grown in his garden. The king, remembering the pleasant hours that he had spent under the old man’s roof, gave him a thousand crowns. The lord of the village, hearing of this, thought that if one who gave a paltry turnip received so large a reward, one who gave a really valuable present would receive a still larger reward. He, therefore, offered a splendid horse. The king accepted it and, calling for the big turnip, said, “This cost me a thousand crowns; I give it to you in return for your horse.”
A carpenter asked a sailor, “Where did your father die?” The sailor answered, “My father, my grandfather, and my great-grandfather were all drowned at sea.” “Then,” said the carpenter, “are you not afraid of going to sea, lest you should be drowned too?” Instead of replying, the sailor asked, “Where did your father die?” “In his bed.” “And your grandfather?” “In his bed.” “And your great-grandfather?” “In his bed also.” “Then,” said the sailor, “why should I be more afraid of going to sea than you are of going to bed?”
A Scotch minister had in his parish a man who sometimes used to get drunk. One day the minister, reproving him for his bad habit, said, “You love whisky too much, Donald; you know very well that it is your worst enemy.” “But,” answered the man slily, “have you not often told us that we ought to love our enemies?” “True, Donald, but I never told you that you ought to swallow them.”
During the long struggle between England and France, two ignorant old ladies were discussing the war as they went to church. One said, “Is it not wonderful that the English always beat the French?” “Not at all,” answered the other; “don’t you know that the English always say their prayers before going into battle?” “But,” replied the first, “can’t the French say their prayers as well?” “Tut, tut,” said the second; “poor jabbering bodies, who can understand them?”
When David Dewar was a member of the Prison Board the question of appointing a chaplain for the jail came up. The favorite candidate of the other members of the Board was an unsuccessful clergyman. David, when asked to vote for him, said, “I have no objection; I hear that he has already preached a church empty, and if he will only preach the jail empty too, he is just the man for our money.”
A Scotch squire was one day riding out with his man. Opposite a hole in a steep bank the master stopped and said, “John, I saw a badger go in there.” “Did you?” said John; “will you hold my horse, sir?” “Certainly,” answered the squire, and away rushed John for a spade. He got one and dug furiously for half an hour, the squire looking on with an amused look. At last John exclaimed, “I can’t find him, sir.” “I should be surprised if you could,” said the squire, “for it is ten years since I saw him go in.”
A boy went into a baker’s shop and bought a five-cent loaf. It seemed to him rather small, so he said that he did not believe it to be of full weight. “Never mind,” answered the baker, “you will have the less to carry.” “True,” replied the lad, and throwing four cents on the counter he left the shop. The baker called after him, “Hi! this is not enough money.” “Never mind,” said the boy, “you will have the less to count.”
A corporal in the life-guards of Frederick the Great was a brave but rather vain fellow. He could not afford a watch, but managed to buy a chain, and this he wore with a bullet at the end. The king, hearing of this, thought he would have a little fun at the soldier’s expense, so he said to him, “It is six o’clock by my watch; what time is it by yours?” The man drew the bullet from his pocket and answered, “My watch does not mark the hour, but it tells me every moment that it is my duty to face death for your Majesty.” “Here, my friend,” said Frederick, offering him his own costly watch, “take this, that you may be able to tell the hour also.”
When the Earl of Stair was ambassador in Holland he was once at a banquet with the French and Austrian ambassadors. The Frenchman proposed the health of his master, calling him, “The Sun.” The Austrian then proposed the health of his mistress, calling her “The Moon.” The Earl of Stair was equal to the occasion, for when his turn came he proposed the health of his sovereign as “Joshua, who made the sun and moon to stand still.”
A Scotch clergyman had a youth in his congregation who was underwitted, and was commonly spoken of as being half daft. One Sunday the clergyman observed that all his hearers were asleep except this youth. After the service the minister congratulated him upon being awake, when he naively replied, “Maybe if I hadn’t been half daft I would have been asleep too.”
A little girl complained to her brother that a boy had struck her. “Why did you not strike back?” he asked. “O,” said the innocent creature, “I did that before he hit me.”
The following is an outline of one of Æsop’s fables:—
1. Donkey carrying salt—passing through stream—falls—loses load.
2. Next day loaded with salt—lies down in stream.
3. Master resolves to teach lesson—third journey load of sponge.
4. Donkey lies down—load heavier.
This outline may be filled in thus:—
A donkey laden with salt happened to fall while passing through a stream. The water melted the salt, and the donkey on getting up was delighted to find himself with nothing to carry. Next day he had to pass again, laden with salt, through the same stream. Remembering how the water had yesterday rid him of his burden, he lay down purposely, and was again rid of it. But clever as he was his master was cleverer, and resolved to teach him a lesson. On the third journey he therefore placed on the creature’s back several bags filled with sponges. The donkey lay down as before, but on getting up he found that his load, instead of being much lighter, was much heavier.
In the fable, as thus told, there are several points (printed in italics) which are not in the outline. Such little details help to make the story more real.
1. Cold winter’s day—snake half dead.
2. Peasant pities it—places in bosom—takes home—lays before fire.
3. Snake revives—attacks children—peasant kills it.
This outline may be filled in as follows:—
On a cold winter’s day a peasant discovered a snake that was half dead. He pitied the half-frozen creature, placed it in his bosom, and upon taking it home, laid it before the fire. The snake soon revived, and, true to its nature, attacked the children of the household, when it was promptly killed by the peasant.
1. Lion sleeping—mouse happens to wake him.
2. Lion going to kill mouse—mouse begs for mercy—mercy granted.
3. Lion caught in a net—roars—mouse hears him—nibbles net.
1. Ox feeding in marshy meadow—treads among young frogs—kills many.
2. One that escapes tells mother—“Such a big beast!”
3. Vain mother asks, “So big?”—“Much bigger.”
4. Mother puffs out—“So big?”—“Much bigger.”
5. This several times—at last mother bursts.
1. Hare jeers at tortoise for slowness.
2. Tortoise proposes race—hare accepts.
3. Tortoise starts—hare says, “Will take a nap first.”
4. When hare wakes tortoise has passed post.
5. “Slow and steady wins the race.”
1. Lion, donkey and fox hunting—much spoil.
2. Lion asks donkey to divide—divides into three equal parts.
3. Lion angry—kills donkey—asks fox to divide.
4. Fox makes very great heap for lion and very little one for himself.
5. “Who taught you to divide so well?”—“The dead donkey.”
1. Wind and sun dispute which is stronger.
2. Agree to try on passing traveler—which can soonest make him take off cloak.
3. Wind begins—blows furiously—traveler holds cloak the tighter.
4. Sun shines—traveler too warm—throws off cloak.
5. Kindness better than force.
1. Quarrelsome brothers—father speaks in vain.
2. Asks sons to break bundle of sticks—each tries and fails.
3. Asks them to undo bundle and break separate sticks—easy.
4. Brothers united, like bundle—quarrelsome, like separate sticks.
5. “Union is strength.”
1. Man has goose—lays golden egg daily.
2. Man greedy—thinks inside must be full of gold—kills goose—finds her like all other geese.
1. Frogs ask Jupiter for a king—he laughs at their folly—throws them a log.
2. The splash frightens them—finding log still they venture to look at it—at last jump on it and despise it.
3. Ask for another king—Jupiter annoyed—sends them a stork.
4. Stork eats many—the rest ask Jupiter to take stork away—he says “No.” “Let well alone.”
1. Bat is a beast, but flies like a bird.
2. Battle between birds and beasts—bat keeps aloof.
3. Beasts appear to be winning—bat joins them.
4. Birds rally and win—bat found among victors.
5. Peace made—birds and beasts condemn bat—bat never since dared show face in daylight.
1. Hart fleeing from hunters—hides among leaves of vine—hunters pass without seeing him.
2. He begins to eat leaves—a hunter hears noise—shoots hart.
3. Hart lies wounded—reproaches itself for committing so great a folly.
4. “Vine protected me; I injured it; deserved my fate.”
1. Three bulls feeding together in a meadow.
2. Lion wished to eat them—afraid of the three.
3. Lion tells each that the others have been slandering.
4. Bulls quarrel—lion kills each separately.
1. Vessel goes to sea—overtaken by storm.
2. Storm increases—ship driven on the rocks.
3. Officers and crew in distress—clinging to the rigging—making signals.
4. Seen by the Life Guard on shore.
5. Boat hurries to the rescue—heroic seamen.
6. Men on board brought ashore—benumbed—famishing.
7. Revived—grateful to rescuers.
1. Early home—restless youth—runs away.
2. Goes to seek his fortune—falls in with vicious companions.
3. Roams from place to place—becomes an idle beggar.
4. Young man in a police court charged with burglary—sentenced to state prison.
5. First mistake was leaving home—next, companionship—then, theft.
6. Value of home attachments—industry—honesty.
7. Beware of the first wrong step—not easy to remedy our mistakes.
The following poem, by Charles Kingsley, tells a touching little story:—
Here is the same story, told in prose:—
One afternoon in a western port, three fishermen might be seen walking slowly down towards the beach. Heavy masses of clouds were moving rapidly overhead; the setting sun had tinged the sky an angry crimson, and the waves broke with a moaning noise over the bar at the mouth of the harbor. The fishermen knew that a storm was threatening, but still they were going to sea, for their families were large and their earnings had of late been small. Yet they were sad at heart, and as they sailed away they thought of the dear wives left behind, and of the dear children watching them out of the town.
The women were so anxious that they could not rest at home, so they went up to the lighthouse to trim the lamps and peer out into the darkness. The storm came on even sooner than was expected. A huge billow caught the fishermen’s boat and sank it, and the tide carried their dead bodies to the shore.
By morning the storm had passed, and the rising sun shone on the wet sand and on three poor women wringing their hands over the corpses of their husbands.
Note that in this prose rendering there is no attempt to preserve the poetry. Attention has been paid to the story only, and that has been told in the simplest manner. I here append a cluster of poems to be turned into prose.
It is considered best by most experienced writers to prepare a plan of the composition, of whatever character it may be. In this way you are able to properly arrange your thoughts, and are less likely to omit something which ought to be treated.
There are authors who map out in their minds a general plan without committing it formally to paper. The disadvantage of this method is that something is liable to be forgotten, or inserted in the wrong place. Many authors compose a whole book with nothing more in mind than the general outline: others draw out what lawyers would call a “brief,” from which they build up their production step by step.
To aid you in learning how to write compositions, I have inserted here the outlines of essays from which the complete productions are to be written. Many of these subjects will compel you to consult books in order that you may obtain the information you require, yet this will only be a benefit to you, and will amply repay all the time and labor you expend.
You do not need to confine yourself to the thoughts suggested in these outlines. Think for yourself; do not always go on crutches. Introduce new matter and express whatever is suggested to your mind, that will make your production complete and interesting.
The following is an outline of a brief and simple essay on “The Cat.”
1. Where found.
2. Why kept.
3. Fitted to be a beast of prey:—(a) Teeth; (b) Claws; (c) Pads.
4. Fitted for night prowling:—(a) Fur; (b) Eyes.
5. Fitted to be a pet.
6. Habits.
The outline may be filled in thus:—
A cat is found in nearly every house. Sometimes it is kept as a pet only, and sometimes it is kept only to catch mice, but most people keep one for both purposes. The cat is fitted by nature to be a beast of prey; hence its claws and teeth are sharp and long, and under its feet are pads, which enable it to walk without making a noise. The cat is also fitted for prowling at night. Its thick fur keeps it from feeling cold, and its wonderful eyes enable it to see almost in the dark. Cats make good pets because they are pretty, clean and gentle. They like to lie on something soft and warm. When stroked they purr. Kittens are very playful.
1. Found nearly all over world; friend to man.
2. Uses:—Hunting, guarding, minding sheep, etc.
3. Description: Teeth for tearing, legs for running, coat for warmth; differences between cat and dog.
4. Habits.
1. Name various kinds.
2. Showing how structure of each kind fits it for its work; as
(a) Greyhound—shape, legs, chest for swiftness.
(b) Bloodhound—broad head, large nose for smell.
(c) Bulldog—size of head, strength of jaw and of body.
(d) Newfoundland—thick, oily coat, webbed feet etc., etc.
1. Grass allowed to grow from early spring.
2. Ripe in June or July.
3. Cut with a scythe or machine.
4. Spread out to dry in sun—turned over—raked into “cocks”—carted.
1. Different kinds:—wheat, barley, oats.
2. Sown in spring (wheat sometimes late in autumn).
3. Ground prepared by ploughing, harrowing.
4. Sowing (describe).
5. Weeding.
6. Harvesting:—cut with sickle, scythe or machine—bound—carted.
1. Wheat threshed to get grain and chaff from ear.
2. Winnowed to separate chaff from grain.
3. Ground in mill (wind, steam).
4. Skin (bran) separated from flour.
1. Generally made from flour.
2. Flour mixed with water, a little salt and yeast, into sponge—yeast to make it “rise.”
3. Made into loaves.
4. Baked in oven.
1. Made from cream.
2. Milk placed in shallow pans—cream rises—skimmed.
3. Cream begins to turn sour—churned.
4. Describe churn.
5. Churning divides cream into butter and buttermilk.
6. Butter run off—butter washed.
7. Beaten, often salted, moulded.
1. Cat kind—teeth, claws, sheath pad.
2. About four feet high, tawny yellow, tufted tail, mane of male.
3. Lion like cat steals up to prey.
4. Brave.
5. Cubs playful.
1. Compare tiger and lion:—
(a) Lion in Africa and Asia, tiger in Asia.
(b) Tiger as strong, more fierce and cunning.
(c) Tiger golden fur with black stripes, no mane, tail not tufted.
(d) Tiger, like lion, lies in wait.
2. Man-eating tigers.
3. Hunted, often on elephants.
1. Largest land animal, eight to ten feet high.
2. Very heavy body, thick skin, little hair, legs thick.
3. Head large, tusks sixty to seventy pounds each.
4. Short neck; why?
5. Trunk; why needed?—describe.
6. Clever, obedient, faithful.
Tell a story showing cleverness of elephant.
1. Night bird; therefore eyes large, hearing sharp, feathers thick.
2. Downy feathers make flight silent.
3. Beak and claws.
4. Food.
5. Haunts.
1. Made for speed; feathers firm and close, wings large, tail long and pointed, legs short.
2. Lives on insects; large, wide mouth.
3. Bird of passage; comes in spring, leaves in autumn.
4. Kind:—
(a) Chimney martin or swallow—builds often under eaves.
(b) Sand martin: smallest, builds in sandy banks or cliffs.
1. Named from cry.
2. Bird of passage—
3. Description:—size of magpie or small pigeon; color:—blue gray above; white, with slaty bars below; wings black, with white at tips.
4. Lays eggs in nest of other birds—often a hedge-sparrow.
1. From China, Assam, Ceylon.
2. Evergreen shrub, glossy leaves, white flower.
3. Three crops a year, first and best in spring.
4. Leaves gathered, placed in shallow baskets, dried first in sun, then over charcoal; rolled between hands.
5. Two kinds, green and black.
1. Arabia, Brazil, East and West Indies, Ceylon.
2. Evergreen tree, eight to twelve feet high.
3. Tree bears a dark red berry, size of cherry, and containing two hard seeds (the coffee “bean”) each in a skin.
4. Berries gathered, dried, passed under rollers to remove skin.
5. Roasted in a closed iron vessel over slow fire.
6. Ground.
1. How formed:—Places where forests, woods, etc., growing, sank—covered with water bringing soil—rose again—vegetable remains hardened into coal.
2. Hence found in layers.
3. Mining:—shaft, galleries.
4. Dangers:—fall of roof; flooding; explosions of “fire-damp;” afterwards “choke-damp.”
5. Safety lamp.
1. Iron ore found in many places, worked on coal fields; why?
2. To drive away sulphur roasted in kiln, or with layers of coal on ground.
3. Mixed with coal and lime and placed in blast furnace.
4. Earthy matters unite with lime to form “slag.”
5. Melted iron falls to bottom—run off “cast iron.”
6. Carbon added to iron to make steel.
1. What months?
2. Welcome season after short, cold days of winter.
3. Trees and flowers—blossom.
4. Sowing.
5. Pleasant walks in the country.
1. When?
2. Most general holiday.
3. Why kept—“peace and goodwill.”
4. How kept:—business stopped; cards; presents; meetings of friends; Christmas fare; trees.
1. Name.
2. Situation.
3. History.
4. Subjects taught.
5. Games.
6. How you may do credit to it.
1. Name.
2. Situation.
3. Population.
4. Chief industry.
5. Chief buildings.
6. History.
1. Made from flax-plant about four feet high, blue flower.
2. Ripe flax pulled up, dried.
3. Seed (linseed) removed by pulling stalks through a kind of comb.
4. Stalks consist of two parts, woody and fibrous.
5. Steeped in water to make separation of two easier.
6. Beaten to break woody part.
7. Combed to remove it.
8. Spun, bleached, woven.
9. Uses.
1. One of the players has handkerchief tied over eyes.
2. Tries to catch any of the others.
3. If he catches any one he must say who it is.
4. If he succeeds, player caught takes his place.
5. The fun of the game.
1. Describe bases (number, positions, etc.).
2. Describe bat and ball.
3. How many players?
4. Pitcher, catcher, basemen, fielders.
5. How “runs” are made.
6. How a player is “out.”
7. How one side is out.
8. Which “team” wins?
1. Describe the blacksmith.
2. His work.
3. Fire, bellows.
4. Anvil, hammers, tongs, water-trough.
5. “The children coming home from school....”
1. Work.
2. Bench, planes, chisels, hammers, mallets, axe, adze, gimlets, saws, rule.
3. Compare blacksmith and carpenter.
1. Appearance.
2. Work.
3. Where he lives in peace and in war.
4. Recruits, drill, reviews, band.
5. Battle.
6. Qualities of a soldier.
1. Work varies with season.
2. In spring work connected with sowing.
3. Summer—weeding, haymaking.
4. Autumn—harvesting; sometimes ploughing.
5. Winter—looking after stock.
1. On what river situated?
2. Founded when? When captured by the British?
3. Streets and avenues.
4. Capitol building, dome, Senate chamber, Chamber of the House of Representatives.
5. White House.
6. Buildings of Government Departments.
7. Smithsonian Institute.
8. Washington’s monument.
1. Of person.
(a) Describe pores. Waste of body passes through them like smoke up a chimney; therefore must be kept open.
(b) Diseases arise if waste cannot pass off.
(c) Dirty person disagreeable.
2. Of clothes.
Clean person impossible in dirty clothes.
3. Of houses.
(a) Dust passes into lungs.
(b) Dirty houses—bad smells.
(c) Plague (formerly common) due to dirt.
1. What it is—willful attempt to deceive.
2. Words may be true and yet a lie because meant to deceive.
3. There may be lies without words.
4. Why wrong.
5. Consequence to liar—not believed even when speaking truth.
6. Fable of boy that cried “Wolf.”
1. Animals can feel.
2. How would you like cruel treatment?
3. “Do unto others....”
4. Animals grateful for kindness.
5. Any story to show this.
1. “Penny saved, penny earned.”
2. Name some things on which children spend money needlessly.
3. Advantages of saving:—“Take care of the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves;” savings can be turned to account; provision for a “rainy day.”
4. Aids to thrift:—Savings banks, building societies, etc.
1. Meaning of proverb. Hay is grass dried in the sun; if not “made” on first opportunity, it may be spoiled by rain.
2. Proverb teaches us to miss no opportunity.
3. Reasons:—Do not know what may happen by to-morrow; chance perhaps lost forever; “The mill cannot grind with the water that is past.”
4. Story to show danger of putting off.
1. Meaning of the proverb—persevere.
2. Illustrations:—
(a) If you do not finish a study begun, all the time spent on it is wasted.
(b) Three removes are as bad as a fire.
(c) By staying in the same place you make friends and a position.
1. Virtue often gains for a man honor, wealth, friends.
2. But though it brought no such rewards it should be sought.
3. For the approval of one’s own conscience is more important than the approval of any one else.
Rabbit. Fox. Pig. Mouse. Bear. Camel. Monkey. Sheep. Goat. Cow. Hen. Duck. Robin. Lark. Canary. Ostrich. Eagle. Pigeon. Gull. Sparrow. Whale. Seal. Bee. Spider. Fly. Butterfly. Shark. Herring. Mackerel. Crab. Cod. Frog. Crocodile. Turtle. Adder. Cocoa. Sugar. Sago. Cork. India rubber. Potato. Turnip. Salt. Lead. Tin. Copper. Gold. Knife. Glass. Paper. Soap. Pins. Needles. Candles. Cotton. Silk. Woollen cloth. Autumn. Winter. Any game with marbles. Making and flying kites. Boating. Swimming. Fishing. Football. Skating. Lawn tennis. Punctuality. Industry. Perseverance. Obedience. Bad language. Good manners. Good habits. Temperance. Honesty. The “Golden Rule.” How to make yourself useful at home.
Describe:—(a) A house. (b) A street. (c) A church. (d) Any village. (e) Any town. (f) A farm. (g) A mill. (h) The sea-side. (i) Common spring flowers. (j) The most beautiful place you have seen. (k) A snow-storm. (l) A thunder-storm.
Describe the life and work of:—(a) A mason. (b) A gardener. (c) A teacher. (d) A doctor. (e) A sailor. (f) A policeman. (g) A postman. (h) A tailor. (i) A baker. (j) A shepherd. (k) A fisherman. (l) An errand-boy. (m) A painter.
Describe a visit to:—(a) The seaside. (b) Chicago or some other large town. (c) The Zoological Gardens or a menagerie. (d) A circus. (e) A school exhibition. (f) A department store. (g) A country dairy. (h) A picture gallery.
Tell a story about:—(a) A dog. (b) A cat. (c) A horse. (d) A monkey. (e) A parrot. (f) An elephant. (g) A hen.
Tell any stories you know illustrating the following sayings:—
(a) “Look before you leap.”
(b) “Liars are not believed even when they speak the truth.”
(c) “People are judged by the company they keep.”
(d) “Penny wise and pound foolish.”
(e) “Count not your chickens before they are hatched.”
(f) “A friend in need is a friend indeed.”
(g) “Union is strength.”
Explain and illustrate the following proverbs:—
(a) “A stitch in time saves nine.”
(b) “A prudent man foreseeth the evil; fools pass on and are punished.”
(c) “The more haste the less speed.”
(d) “Strike the iron while it is hot.”
(e) “Touch pitch and be defiled.”
(f) “Rome was not built in a day.”
(g) “No gains without pains.”
(h) “Nothing venture nothing win.”
An apt illustration is always a help to a writer or speaker. The mind of the reader or hearer is interested in tracing the comparison, and receives a stronger impression than it does when the thought is stated simply by itself.
Many of the most famous orators have been very gifted in employing similes to express their meaning. You should cultivate the habit of using illustrations. Although there is sometimes danger in employing them, yet where carefully and rightly used they not only ornament the composition, but render its thoughts and ideas more striking, more impressive and more easily remembered.
A Simile is a comparison explicitly stated; as,
The course of a great statesman resembles that of navigable rivers, avoiding immovable obstacles with noble bends of concession, seeking the broad levels of opinion on which men soonest settle and longest dwell, following and marking the most imperceptible slopes of national tendency, yet always aiming at direct advances, always recruited from sources nearer heaven, and sometimes bursting open paths of progress and fruitful human commerce through what seem the eternal barriers of both.
A Metaphor is a condensed Simile. The comparison is implied, but not expressed at length; thus:—
The simile implied here is, “The morning like to a person clad in russet mantle walks,” etc.
Stand, therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness ... above all taking the shield of faith wherewith ye may be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
Similes and Metaphors are employed
1. To aid the understanding.
We comprehend the unknown best by comparison with the known.
2. To intensify the feelings; as
Offence’s gilded hand may shove by justice.
What a piece of work is man; how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world! the paragon of animals!
3. To give point and force to what we wish to express.
Our conduct towards the Indians has been that of a man who subscribes to hospitals, weeps at charity sermons, carries out broth and blankets to beggars, and then comes home and beats his wife and children.
Every one must admit the beauty and force of the great poet’s comparison of kind hearts to coronets, and simple faith to Norman blood, implying that each object mentioned surpasses the one with which it is compared.
The following rules should be observed in the conduct of Metaphors:—
1. Do not use metaphors, except when needed to make a sentence clearer or stronger. Needless metaphors are a blemish instead of an ornament.
2. Do not pursue a simile or metaphor too far. The further it is pursued the less likely is the comparison to hold.
3. Metaphors should avoid mean or disagreeable details.
4. Metaphors should not be forced. Some metaphors are so far-fetched that (as Mr. Lowell says) one could wish their authors no worse fate than to be obliged to carry them back whence they came.
5. Do not mix literal and metaphorical language. In the sentence
“the barren hills of sin and sorrow” is metaphorical, and “near Welshpool” is literal.
Methinks I see in my mind a noble and puissant nation rousing herself like a strong man after sleep, and shaking her invincible locks.—Milton.
Men not only want a competency, but they want a ten-story competency; then they want religion as a lightning rod to ward off the bolts of divine judgment.—Beecher.
As the river is swollen by the melting snows of spring and runs with greater force and volume, so, when he is aroused, his thoughts and words pour forth impetuously, and he exhibits the strength and majesty of the most commanding eloquence.
Peace has poured oil on the troubled waters, and they blossom like the rose.
She has come down among us in her floating robes, bearing the olive-branch in her beak.
The American eagle broods over his nest in the rocky fastnesses, and his young shall lie down with the lamb.
We have gone through the floods, and have turned their hot ploughshares into pruning-hooks.
May we be as lucky in the future, preserving forever our Goddess of Liberty one and inseparable.
Corrections.—Peace may pour oil on troubled waters, but waters never blossom.
Anything that wears floating robes is not furnished with a beak.
The young of eagles are not in the habit of lying down with lambs.
Floods do not have hot ploughshares.
Why should anyone wish to preserve the Goddess of Liberty inseparable, as it would be an unheard-of experience for a Goddess to be divided?
To be a good letter writer is an accomplishment as desirable as it is rare. Few persons possess the faculty of writing an interesting letter, politely and gracefully expressed. Unless you are an exception to the general rule you become stiff and formal when you attempt to express your thoughts to a friend, or make known your wants to a man of business. The epistle is labored, unnatural and lacking in that ease which is the charm of conversation.
“I now take my pen in hand,” etc. Do get rid of all old, set forms of expression. Imagine the person to whom you are writing as placed right before you, and talk to him with your pen as you would with your tongue.
There can be but one opinion concerning the general value of correspondence. How often people complain that they do not get letters from their friends. Neglect can be shown in no way more effectively than by failing to answer a letter when it ought to be written.
In writing a letter, care should be taken that the different parts are properly arranged.
First comes the Address of the Writer.
This is written at the top of the paper, towards the right side. If the address consists of several parts, each part is given a separate line; thus—
Livonia,
Livingston Co.,
New York.
After the address comes the Date of Writing.
Next comes the Form of Address.
This is always placed towards the left of the page, and varies according to the relations between the sender and the receiver of the letter. Writing to an intimate friend, one may say, “My dear Tom,” or (a little less familiarly) “My dear Brown.” Writing to a friend who is also a superior in age or position, one would say, “My dear Mr. Brown.” “Dear Sir” is formal, but claims some small degree of acquaintance or regard. “Sir” is purely formal. Similarly we may have, “My dear Annie,” “My dear Mrs. Brown,” “Dear Madam,” and “Madam.” In writing to Miss Jones, a stranger, you may not wish to say, “Dear Miss.” It would be better in this instance to address her as “Miss Jones.”
After the form of address comes the Letter.
A friendly letter should be easy and pleasant in style—it should be, in fact, a talk on paper. In a business letter, on the other hand, the style is brief and concise. The first aim of the writer is to make himself understood, the next to be brief.
After the letter comes the Subscription, as,
Sincerely yours,
Alexander Argyle.
Or,
Respectfully yours,
New England Coal Co.
Or in more formal style,
I am, dear sir,
Your obedient servant,
Thomas Lancaster.
The subscription is arranged like the address, but begins further to the left. The form of subscription varies with the form of address.
A business letter ends with the Address of the Person to whom it is Sent.
This is written in the left corner. A friendly letter generally ends with the subscription.
345 Lancaster Street,
15th February, 189-.
Sir:
Seeing by your advertisement in this morning’s “Standard” that you are in need of an office boy, I beg leave to apply for the position. I have been for six years a pupil in the Commercial School, Old Bridge Street. My teacher permits me to refer you to him for an account of my conduct and abilities. I have therefore only to add that if I am fortunate enough to enter your employ, it shall be my aim to serve you diligently and faithfully.
I am, sir,
Your obedient servant,
Thomas Watson.
J. W. Chambers, Esq.,
97 Dearborn Street.
Newark, September 11.
My Dear Joe:
Myself, and a half dozen other good fellows, are going to devote a few hours on Tuesday evening to the enjoyment of refreshments, chit-chat, and so on. I hope you will make one, as we have not enjoyed the “feast of reason and flow of soul” in each other’s company for some time past.
Believe me, dear Joe,
Yours ever,
Harry.
Madison Square, November 12.
Dear Mr. Robinson:
My old friend Richard Roy is coming to take a chop with me on Saturday, the 15th, and I hope you will come and join us at six o’clock. I know you are not partial to large parties, so trust you will think us two sufficient company.
Yours ever truly,
Washington, July 3.
Hon. J. B. Granger,
My Dear Sir:
We are endeavoring to get up a small excursion to visit Mount Vernon on the 10th of this month. Will you do us the favor of making one of our number? Mrs. ⸺ and my family desire their compliments, and request me to mention that they have taken upon themselves the task of providing the “creature comforts” for that occasion, and trust that their exertions will meet with unanimous approval. Should you have no previous engagement for that day, and feel disposed to join our party, a carriage will be at your door by 10 o’clock on Thursday morning; and believe me to be,
My dear sir, yours most sincerely,
Hon. J. B. Granger.
P. S.—The favor of an early answer will oblige.
Washington, July 3.
Mr. E. B. Allen,
My Dear Sir:
Replying to your kind invitation of this morning, I beg leave to say it would afford me great pleasure to join your excursion to Mount Vernon on the 10th inst. I will await your carriage at 10 o’clock on Thursday morning. Thanking you for your welcome invitation,
I am, my dear sir, very truly yours,
J. B. Granger.
Mr. E. B. Allen.
Mr. and Mrs. Thompson request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. James’s company, on Wednesday evening next, at eight o’clock, to join a social party. An immediate answer will much oblige.
Fifth Avenue, January 9th.
Mr. and Mrs. James will be most happy to avail themselves of Mr. and Mrs. Thompson’s kind invitation to join their social party as requested.
West Street, January 10th.
Mr. and Mrs. James greatly regret their inability to accept Mr. and Mrs. Thompson’s kind invitation to join their social party. Nothing would have afforded them more pleasure than to be present, but family affliction prevents them.
West Street, January 10th.
My Dear Bertha,—A few friends will be here on Wednesday evening next, to take a social cup of tea, and chat about mankind in particular. Give us the pleasure of your company.
S. Buckman.
Prince Street, Saturday morning.
My Dear Sophie,—It affords me great pleasure to inform you that I shall join your party on Wednesday evening next.
Bertha Merwin.
Spring Street, Saturday afternoon.
Louisville, Ky., February 10.
My Dear Howard:
The news of your good fortune gives me great satisfaction. No one can possess true friendship without rejoicing in the prosperity of a friend. To one who has always been manly, true and noble, and who has labored persistently toward a particular end, success must be extremely gratifying.
It will ever be my delight to hear that you are prospering in your undertakings, and if in any way I can serve you, you can rely upon my best endeavors. With every good wish for yourself and Mrs. Kerr,
Ever faithfully yours,
St. Louis, Mo., June 15, 189-.
Dear Old Friend:
The happy announcement that a son and heir has been born to you, gives me extreme satisfaction. I always thought you would distinguish yourself in some way, and would do something whereby your name might descend to posterity. And now, my worthy chum, it seems you have done it. Blessings on you!
Very sincerely yours,
My Dearest Harriet:
I cannot express the happiness I feel in finding that my letter to your respected parents has been crowned with success, and I flatter myself, notwithstanding your temporizing with my feelings, in thus reserving your avowal of a reciprocal attachment, that you, my dear girl, will not be unsusceptible to its value, but condescend to acknowledge an equal happiness with myself at its contents. In token of the confidence with which your dear letter has inspired me, I beg leave to present you with a trifle, the acceptance of which will be highly flattering to him whose image it portrays; and permit me the fond pleasure of indulging a belief that you will esteem the trifle, in affectionate remembrance of the original.
In obedience to your father’s command, I shall wait upon him at the appointed time; till then, my beloved Harriet, adieu.
Ever your devoted admirer,
Dear Sir:
I make no doubt of the truth of your assertions, relative to yourself, character, and connections; but as I think I am too young to enter into such a serious engagement, I request I may hear no more of your passion for the present; in every other respect,
I am, Sir,
Yours very sincerely,
1. Can you come to tea—day—hour.
2. My birthday—several friends coming.
3. Tea in orchard—then cricket in field.
4. Hope mother will let you come—be home by nine.
1. Thanks for invitation—happy to accept.
2. Glad to meet ⸺.
3. Look forward to pleasant evening.
1. Thanks for invitation—should have been glad to come.
2. Sorry to lose chance of meeting ⸺.
3. Father some time ago arranged to take me and my brother to ⸺.
4. Hope you will have pleasant evening and many happy returns.
1. Town crowded—noisy—dirty—glad to get into country.
2. Shall never forget visit to the country last summer.
3. No streets—few houses—beautiful views—quiet—sweet air.
4. Fine weather—many enjoyable walks.
5. Returned to town almost envying a country life.
1. You almost envying country life—I almost envying town life.
2. Country has the advantages you describe, but you saw it in summer.
3. Difficult to get about in bad weather—especially in winter when much bad weather.
4. Dull—no libraries, exhibitions, meetings, concerts, etc.
5. Town may have all the disadvantages named, but always plenty to see, opportunities for study, friendly intercourse, entertainments.
6. Traveling easy.
Do not consider yourself too ambitious when you make an earnest effort to express your thoughts so well that your productions will compare favorably with those of the best writers. You should have specimens of the best composition before you. The following pages contain such, and you will readily see how the most famous authors construct their sentences, what apt words they choose, and how easily, yet forcibly, they express their ideas.
Do not be disheartened if you fail to come up to the standard here placed before you. It is related of the great painter, Correggio, that he was once almost ready to fling away his brush, exclaiming, “I can never paint like Raphael.” But he persevered, and at length the great painter whom he admired so much said, “If I were not Raphael, I would wish to be Correggio.” You should take the best writers for your models and set your standard high. Be a severe critic of yourself, and do your very best.
By J. G. Holland.
In clear expression of thought and use of plain, forcible English, the works of Doctor Holland are superior to those of most authors. He does not employ large, overgrown words, but such as are easily understood. This is one secret of the popularity of his writings. Dr. Holland was born at Belchertown, Mass., in 1819, and died October 12, 1881. He was associate editor of the “Springfield Republican,” and in 1870 became editor of “Scribner’s Magazine.” Both as a writer of prose and poetry he is held in high esteem by all lovers of elevated thought and pure diction.
Society demands that a young man shall be somebody, not only, but that he shall prove his right to the title; and it has a right to demand this. Society will not take this matter upon trust—at least, not for a long time, for it has been cheated too frequently. Society is not very particular what a man does, so that it proves him to be a man: then it will bow to him, and make room for him.
I know a young man who made a place for himself by writing an article for the North American Review: nobody read the article, so far as I know, but the fact that he wrote such an article, that it was very long, and that it was published, did the business for him. Everybody, however, cannot write articles for the North American Review—at least I hope everybody will not, for it is a publication which makes me a quarterly visit; but everybody, who is somebody, can do something. There is a wide range of effort between holding a skein of silk for a lady and saving her from drowning—between collecting voters on election day and teaching a Sunday-school class.
A man must enter society of his own free will, as an active element or a valuable component, before he can receive the recognition that every true man longs for. I take it that this is right. A man who is willing to enter society as a beneficiary is mean, and does not deserve recognition.
There is no surer sign of an unmanly and[68] cowardly spirit than a vague desire for help, a wish to depend, to lean upon somebody, and enjoy the fruits of the industry of others. There are multitudes of young men, I suppose, who indulge in dreams of help from some quarter, coming in at a convenient moment, to enable them to secure the success in life which they covet.
The vision haunts them of some benevolent old gentleman with a pocket full of money, a trunk full of mortgages and stocks, and a mind remarkably appreciative of merit and genius, who will, perhaps, give or lend them anywhere from ten to twenty thousand dollars, with which they will commence and go on swimmingly. Perhaps he will take a different turn, and educate them. Or, perhaps, with an eye to the sacred profession, they desire to become the beneficiaries of some benevolent society, or some gentle circle of female devotees.
To me, one of the most disgusting sights in the world is that of a young man with healthy blood, broad shoulders, presentable calves, and a hundred and fifty pounds, more or less, of good bone and muscle, standing with his hands in his pockets, longing for help. I admit that there are positions in which the most independent spirit may accept of assistance—may, in fact, as a choice of evils, desire it; but for a man who is able to help himself, to desire the help of others in the accomplishment of his plans of life, is positive proof that he has received a most unfortunate training, or that there is a leaven of meanness in his composition that should make him shudder.
Do not misunderstand me: I would not inculcate that pride of personal independence which repels in its sensitiveness the well-meant good offices and benefactions of friends, or that resorts to desperate shifts rather than incur an obligation. What I condemn in a young man is the love of dependence; the willingness to be under obligation for that which his own efforts may win.
Let this be understood, then, at starting; that the patient conquest of difficulties which rise in the regular and legitimate channels of business and enterprise, is not only essential in securing the success which you seek, but it is essential to that preparation of your mind which is requisite for the enjoyment of your successes, and for retaining them when gained. It is the general rule of Providence, the world over, and in all time, that unearned success is a curse. It is the rule of Providence, that the process of earning success shall be the preparation for its conservation and enjoyment.
So, day by day, and week by week; so, month after month, and year after year, work on, and in that process gain strength and symmetry, and nerve and knowledge, that when success, patiently and bravely worked for, shall come, it may find you prepared to receive it and keep it.
The development which you will get in this brave and patient labor, will prove itself, in the end, the most valuable of your successes. It will help to make a man of you. It will give you power and self-reliance. It will give you not only self-respect, but the respect of your fellows and the public.
Never allow yourself to be seduced from this course. You will hear of young men who have made fortunes in some wild speculations. Pity them; for they will almost certainly lose their easily won success. Do not be in a hurry for anything. Are you in love with some dear girl, whom you would make your wife? Give Angelina Matilda to understand that she must wait; and if Angelina Matilda is really the good girl you take her to be, she will be sensible enough to tell you to choose your time.
You cannot build well without first laying a good foundation; and for you to enter[69] upon a business which you have not patiently and thoroughly learned, and to marry before you have won a character, or even the reasonable prospect of a competence, is ultimately to bring your house down about the ears of Angelina Matilda, and such pretty children as she may give you. If, at the age of thirty years, you find yourself established in a business which pays you with certainty a living income, you are to remember that God has blessed you beyond the majority of men.
By George Eliot.
The works of Marian Evans Cross created unusual interest when first published in England. Her “Adam Bede,” “The Mill on the Floss” and “Silas Marner,” immediately placed her in the highest rank of the writers of fiction. For some time her identity was concealed, yet there were critics who suspected that “George Eliot” was the assumed name of a female author. Her writings are characterized by a keen insight into character, intellectual vigor and sympathy with the advanced thought of the day. She was born in 1819, and died in 1880. The selection from “Adam Bede,” here given, is an excellent specimen from one of her well-known works.
Several of the men followed Ben’s lead, and the traveler pushed his horse on to the Green, as Dinah walked rather quickly, and in advance of her companions, toward the cart under the maple tree. While she was near Seth’s tall figure she looked short, but when she had mounted the cart, and was away from all comparison, she seemed above the middle height of woman, though in reality she did not exceed it—an effect which was due to the slimness of her figure, and the simple line of her black stuff dress.
The stranger was struck with surprise as he saw her approach and mount the cart—surprise, not so much for the feminine delicacy of her appearance, as at the total absence of self-consciousness in her demeanor. He had made up his mind to see her advance with a measured step, and a demure solemnity of countenance; he had felt sure that her face would be mantled with a smile of conscious saintship, or else charged with denunciatory bitterness. He knew but two types of Methodist—the ecstatic and the bilious.
But Dinah walked as simply as if she were going to market, and seemed as unconscious of her outward appearance as a little boy; there was no blush, no tremulousness, which said, “I know you think me a pretty woman, too young to preach;” no casting up or down of the eyelids, no compression of the lips, no attitude of the arms, that said, “But you must think of me as a saint.”
She held no book in her ungloved hands, but let them hang down lightly crossed before her, as she stood and turned her grey eyes on the people. There was no keenness in her eyes; they seemed rather to be shedding love than making observations; they had the liquid look which tells that the mind is full of what it has to give out, rather than impressed by external objects.
The eyebrows, of the same color as the hair, were perfectly horizontal and firmly pencilled; the eyelashes, though no darker, were long and abundant; nothing was left blurred or unfinished.
It was one of those faces that make one think of white flowers with light touches of color on their pure petals. The eyes had no peculiar beauty, beyond that of expression; they looked so simple, so candid, so gravely loving, that no accusing scowl, no light sneer, could help melting away before their glance.
Joshua Rann gave a long cough, as if he were clearing his throat in order to come to a new understanding with himself; Chad Cranage lifted up his leather skull-cap and scratched his head; and Wiry Ben wondered how Seth had the pluck to think of courting her.
“A sweet woman,” the stranger said to himself, “but surely Nature never meant her for a preacher.”
By George Eliot.
An excellent example of dialogue in fiction.
Some one opened the door at the other end of the room, and Nancy felt that it was her husband. She turned from the window with gladness in her eyes, for the wife’s chief dread was stilled.
“Dear, I’m so thankful you’re come,” she said, going towards him. “I began to get”—
She paused abruptly, for Godfrey was laying down his hat with trembling hands, and turned towards her with a pale face and a strange, unanswering glance, as if he saw her indeed, but saw her as part of a scene invisible to herself. She laid her hand on his arm, not daring to speak again; but he left the touch unnoticed, and threw himself into his chair.
Jane was already at the door with the hissing urn. “Tell her to keep away, will you?” said Godfrey; and when the door was closed again he exerted himself to speak more distinctly.
“Sit down, Nancy—there,” he said, pointing to a chair opposite him. “I came back as soon as I could to hinder anybody’s telling you but me. I’ve had a great shock—but I care most about the shock it’ll be to you.”
“It isn’t father and Priscilla?” said Nancy, with quivering lips, clasping her hands together tightly on her lap.
“No, it’s nobody living,” said Godfrey, unequal to the considerate skill with which he would have wished to make his revelation. “It’s Dunstan—my brother Dunstan, that we lost sight of sixteen years ago. We’ve found him,—found his body—his skeleton.”
The deep dread Godfrey’s look had created in Nancy made her feel these words a relief. She sat in comparative calmness to hear what else he had to tell. He went on:
“The stone pit has gone dry suddenly,—from the draining, I suppose; and there he lies—has lain for sixteen years, wedged between two great stones. There’s his watch and seals, and there’s my gold-handled hunting whip, with my name on. He took it away, without my knowing, the day he went hunting on Wildfire, the last time he was seen.”
Godfrey paused! it was not so easy to say what came next. “Do you think he drowned himself?” said Nancy, almost wondering that her husband should be so deeply shaken by what had happened all those years ago to an unloved brother, of whom worse things had been augured.
“No, he fell in,” said Godfrey, in a low but distinct voice, as if he felt some deep meaning in the fact. Presently he added: “Dunstan was the man that robbed Silas Marner.”
The blood rushed to Nancy’s face and neck at this surprise and shame, for she had been bred up to regard even a distant kinship with crime as a dishonor.
“O Godfrey!” she said, with compassion[71] in her tone, for she had immediately reflected that the dishonor must be felt more keenly by her husband.
“There was money in the pit,” he continued, “all the weaver’s money. Everything’s been gathered up, and they have taken the skeleton to the Rainbow. But I came back to tell you. There was no hindering it; you must know.”
He was silent, looking on the ground for two long minutes. Nancy would have said some words of comfort under this disgrace, but she refrained, from an instinctive sense that there was something behind,—that Godfrey had something else to tell her. Presently he lifted his eyes to her face, and kept them fixed on her, as he said:
“Everything comes to light, Nancy, sooner or later. When God Almighty wills it, our secrets are found out. I’ve lived with a secret on my mind, but I’ll keep it from you no longer. I wouldn’t have you know it by somebody else, and not by me—I wouldn’t have you find it out after I’m dead. I’ll tell you now. It’s been ‘I will’ and ‘I won’t’ with me all my life; I’ll make sure of myself now.”
Nancy’s utmost dread had returned. The eyes of the husband and wife met with an awe in them, as at a crisis which suspended affection.
“Nancy,” said Godfrey slowly, “when I married you, I hid something from you,—something I ought to have told you. That woman Marner found dead in the snow—Eppie’s mother—that wretched woman—was my wife; Eppie is my child.”
He paused, dreading the effects of his confession. But Nancy sat quite still, only that her eyes dropped and ceased to meet his. She was pale and quiet as a meditative statue, clasping her hands on her lap.
“You’ll never think the same of me again,” said Godfrey after a little while, with some tremor in his voice. She was silent.
“I oughtn’t to have left the child unowned; I oughtn’t to have kept it from you. But I couldn’t bear to give you up, Nancy. I was led away into marrying her; I suffered for it.”
Still Nancy was silent, looking down; and he almost expected that she would presently get up and say she would go to her father’s. How could she have any mercy for faults that seemed so black to her, with her simple, severe notions?
But at last she lifted up her eyes to his again and spoke. There was no indignation in her voice; only deep regret.
“Godfrey, if you had told me this six years ago, we could have done some of our duty by the child. Do you think I’d have refused to take her in, if I’d known she was yours?”
At that moment Godfrey felt all the bitterness of an error that was not simply futile, but had defeated its own end. He had not measured this wife with whom he had lived so long. But she spoke again, with more agitation.
“And—oh, Godfrey—if we’d had her from the first, if you’d taken to her as you ought, she’d have loved me for her mother—and you’d been happier with me; I could better have bore my little baby dying, and our life might have been more like what we used to think it ’ud be.”
The tears fell, and Nancy ceased to speak.
“But you wouldn’t have married me then, Nancy, if I’d told you,” said Godfrey, urged, in the bitterness of his self-reproach, to prove to himself that his conduct had not been utter folly. “You may think you would now, but you wouldn’t then. With your pride and your father’s, you’d have hated having anything to do with me after the talk there’d been.”
“I can’t say what I should have done about that, Godfrey. I should never have[72] married anybody else. But I wasn’t worth doing wrong for; nothing is in this world. Nothing is so good as it seems beforehand; not even our marrying wasn’t, you see.” There was a faint, sad smile on Nancy’s face as she said the last words.
“I’m a worse man than you thought I was, Nancy,” said Godfrey rather tremulously. “Can you forgive me ever?”
“The wrong to me is but little, Godfrey. You’ve made it up to me; you’ve been good to me for fifteen years. It’s another you did the wrong to; and I doubt it can never be all made up for.”
“But we can take Eppie now,” said Godfrey. “I won’t mind the world knowing at last. I’ll be plain and open for the rest o’ my life.”
“It’ll be different coming to us, now she’s grown up,” said Nancy, shaking her head sadly. “But it’s your duty to acknowledge her and provide for her; and I’ll do my part by her, and pray to God Almighty to make her love me.”
“Then we’ll go together to Silas Marner’s this very night, as soon as everything’s quiet at the Stone Pits.”
By Washington Irving.
This charming author, who is a master of pure style, beautiful sentiment and pleasing humor, has been called the father of American literature. If this be not strictly true, it is a matter of record that no American authors before his time achieved any remarkable success. Mr. Irving was born in 1783, and died in 1859. He was particularly happy in portraying the quaint character and customs of the old Dutch settlers in our country. He published a number of volumes, including “The Sketch Book,” “Tales of a Traveler,” “Life and Voyages of Christopher Columbus,” etc. One of Irving’s best known and most delightful short productions is “Rip Van Winkle,” from which the following extract is taken. The easy-going, inoffensive character of Rip is delightfully pictured.
The great error in Rip’s composition was an insuperable aversion to all kinds of profitable labor. It could not be from the want of assiduity or perseverance; for he would sit on a wet rock, with a rod as long and heavy as a Tartar’s lance, and fish all day without a murmur, even though he should not be encouraged by a single nibble.
He would carry a fowling-piece on his shoulder for hours together, trudging through woods and swamps, and up hill and down dale, to shoot a few squirrels or wild pigeons. He would never refuse to assist a neighbor even in the roughest toil, and was a foremost man at all country frolics for husking Indian corn, or building stone fences.
The women of the village, too, used to employ him to run their errands, and to do such little odd jobs as their less obliging husbands would not do for them;—in a word, Rip was ready to attend to anybody’s business but his own; but as to doing family duty and keeping his farm in order, he found it impossible.
In fact, he declared it was of no use to work on his farm; it was the most pestilent little piece of ground in the whole country; everything about it went wrong, and would go wrong in spite of him. His fences were continually falling to pieces; his cow would either go astray, or get among the cabbages; weeds were sure to grow quicker in his fields than anywhere else; the rain always made a point of setting in just as he had some outdoor work to do; so that, though his patrimonial estate had dwindled away under his management, acre by acre, until there was[73] little more left than a mere patch of Indian corn, and potatoes, yet it was the worst conditioned farm in the neighborhood.
His children, too, were as ragged and wild as if they belonged to nobody. His son Rip, an urchin begotten in his own likeness, promised to inherit the habits, with the old clothes, of his father. He was generally seen trooping like a colt at his mother’s heels, equipped in a pair of his father’s cast-off trousers, which he had much ado to hold up with one hand, as a fine lady does her train in bad weather.
Rip Van Winkle, however, was one of those happy mortals, of foolish, well-oiled dispositions, who take the world easy, eat white bread or brown, whichever can be got with least thought or trouble, and would rather starve on a penny than work for a pound. If left to himself, he would have whistled life away in perfect contentment; but his wife kept continually dinning in his ears about his idleness, his carelessness, and the ruin he was bringing on his family.
Morning, noon and night her tongue was incessantly going, and everything he said or did was sure to produce a torrent of household eloquence. Rip had but one way of replying to all lectures of the kind, and that by frequent use had grown into a habit. He shrugged his shoulders, shook his head, cast up his eyes, but said nothing. This, however, always provoked a fresh volley from his wife, so that he was fain to draw off his forces and take to the outside of the house—the only side which, in truth, belongs to a henpecked husband.
Poor Rip was at last reduced almost to despair, and his only alternative to escape from the labor of the farm, and the clamor of his wife, was to take gun in hand and stroll away into the woods. Here he would sometimes seat himself at the foot of a tree, and share the contents of his wallet with his dog Wolf, with whom he sympathized as a fellow-sufferer in persecution.
“Poor Wolf,” he would say, “thy mistress leads thee a dog’s life of it; but never mind, my lad, whilst I live thou shalt never want a friend to stand by thee.” Wolf would wag his tail, look wistfully in his master’s face, and if dogs can feel pity, I verily believe he reciprocated the sentiment with all his heart.
By Lord Macaulay.
Distinguished as a descriptive poet by his fine “Lays of Ancient Rome,” and yet more distinguished as a master of English prose by his “Essays” and his noble “History of England,” Thomas Babington Macaulay stands prominent as the most learned and eloquent of the essayists and critics of the nineteenth century. He was the son of Zachary Macaulay, known as the warm friend and co-laborer of Wilberforce and Clarkson, and was born at Rothley Temple, Leicestershire, October 25, 1800, and died in 1859. In 1818 he entered Trinity College, Cambridge, where he took his degree in 1822. Here he gave proof of his great intellectual powers, obtaining a scholarship, and twice gaining the Chancellor’s medal for a poem called “Pompeii.” To crown his triumphs, he secured a “Craven Scholarship,”—the highest distinction in classics which the university confers.
Lord Macaulay’s glowing description of the Puritans has been pronounced the finest writing of its kind to be found in our language. It is the product of pre-eminent literary ability, and the highest genius.
We would first speak of the Puritans of the sixteenth century, the most remarkable body of men, perhaps, which the world has ever produced.
Those who roused the people to resistance—who directed their measures through a long series of eventful years—who formed, out of the most unpromising materials, the[74] finest army that Europe had ever seen—who trampled down king, church, and aristocracy—who, in the short intervals of domestic sedition and rebellion, made the name of England terrible to every nation on the face of the earth—were no vulgar fanatics.
Most of their absurdities were mere external badges, like the signs of freemasonry or the dresses of friars. We regret that these badges were not more attractive; we regret that a body, to whose courage and talents mankind has owed inestimable obligations, had not the lofty elegance which distinguished some of the adherents of Charles I., or the easy good breeding for which the court of Charles II. was celebrated. But, if we must make our choice, we shall, like Bassanio in the play, turn from the specious caskets which contain only the Death’s head and the Fool’s head, and fix our choice on the plain leaden chest which conceals the treasure.
The Puritans were men whose minds had derived a peculiar character from the daily contemplation of superior beings and eternal interests. Not content with acknowledging, in general terms, an overruling Providence, they habitually ascribed every event to the will of the Great Being, for whose power nothing was too minute. To know him, to serve him, to enjoy him, was with them the great end of existence.
They rejected with contempt the ceremonious homage which other sects substituted for the pure worship of the soul. Instead of catching occasional glimpses of the Deity through an obscuring veil, they aspired to gaze full on the intolerable brightness, and to commune with him face to face. Hence originated their contempt for terrestrial distinctions.
The difference between the greatest and meanest of mankind seemed to vanish when compared with the boundless interval which separated the whole race from Him on whom their own eyes were constantly fixed.
They recognized no title to superiority but his favor; and, confident of that favor, they despised all the accomplishments and all the dignities of the world. If they were unacquainted with the works of philosophers and poets, they were deeply read in the oracles of God; if their names were not found in the registers of heralds, they felt assured that they were recorded in the Book of Life; if their steps were not accompanied by a splendid train of menials, legions of ministering angels had charge over them. Their palaces were houses not made with hands; their diadems, crowns of glory which should never fade away.
On the rich and the eloquent, on nobles and priests, they looked down with contempt; for they esteemed themselves rich in a more precious treasure, and eloquent in a more sublime language—nobles by the right of an earlier creation, and priests by the imposition of a mightier hand. The very meanest of them was a being to whose fate a mysterious and terrible importance belonged—on whose slightest actions the spirits of light and darkness looked with anxious interest—who had been destined, before heaven and earth were created, to enjoy a felicity which should continue when heaven and earth should have passed away.
Events which short-sighted politicians ascribed to earthly causes had been ordained on his account. For his sake empires had risen and flourished and decayed; for his sake the Almighty had proclaimed his will by the pen of the evangelist and the harp of the prophet. He had been rescued by no common deliverer from the grasp of no common foe; he had been ransomed by the sweat of no vulgar agony, by the blood of no earthly sacrifice. It was for him that the sun[75] had been darkened, that the rocks had been rent, that the dead had arisen, that all nature had shuddered at the sufferings of her expiring God!
By C. H. Spurgeon.
When we examine Mr. Spurgeon’s writings we are able to discover one great secret of his power. As no preacher of modern times was more successful, in like manner no other had such a vigorous command of plain English in the pulpit. The great majority of his words are short and simple, reminding one of the terse writings of the old Puritan authors. Mr. Spurgeon was born in 1834 and died in 1893. No other writer has published so many sermons and volumes of miscellaneous writings, and no other author of similar works has been so widely read. He was the marvel of his generation.
He who begins a little late in the morning will have to drive fast, will be constantly in a fever, and will scarcely overtake his business at night; whereas he who rises in proper time can enjoy the luxury of pursuing his calling with regularity, ending his work in fit season, and gaining a little portion of leisure.
Late in the morning may mean puffing and blowing all the day long, whereas an early hour will make the pace an easy one. This is worth a man’s considering. Much evil comes of hurry, and hurry is the child of unpunctuality.
We once knew a brother whom we named “the late Mr. S⸺,” because he never came in time. A certain tart gentleman, who had been irritated by this brother’s unpunctuality, said that the sooner that name was literally true the better for the temper of those who had to wait for him. Many a man would much rather be fined than be kept waiting. If a man must injure me, let him rather plunder me of my cash than of my time.
To keep a busy man waiting is an act of impudent robbery, and is also a constructive insult. It may not be so intended, but certainly if a man has proper respect for his friend, he will know the value of his time, and will not cause him to waste it. There is a cool contempt in unpunctuality, for it as good as says: “Let the fellow wait; who is he that I should keep my appointment with him?”
In this world, matters are so linked together that you cannot disarrange one without throwing others out of gear; if one business is put out of time, another is delayed by the same means. The other day we were traveling to the Riviera, and the train after leaving Paris was detained for an hour and a half. This was bad enough, but the result was worse, for when we reached Marseilles the connecting train had gone, and we were not only detained for a considerable time, but were forced to proceed by a slow train, and so reached our destination six hours later than we ought to have done. All the subsequent delay was caused through the first stoppage.
A merchant once said to us: “A. B. is a good fellow in many respects, but he is so frightfully slow that we cannot retain him in our office, because, as all the clerks work into each other’s hands, his delays are multiplied enormously, and cause intolerable inconvenience. He is a hindrance to the whole system, and he had better go where he can work alone.”
The worst of it is that we cannot send unpunctual people where they can work alone. To whom or whither should they go? We cannot rig out a hermitage for each one, or[76] that would be a great deliverance. If they prepared their own dinners, it would not matter that they dropped in after every dish had become cold. If they preached sermons to themselves, and had no other audience, it would not signify that they began consistently seven minutes behind the published hour. If they were their own scholars, and taught themselves, it would be of no consequence if the pupil sat waiting for his teacher for twenty minutes.
As it is, we in this world cannot get away from the unpunctual, nor get them away from us, and therefore we are obliged to put up with them; but we should like them to know that they are a gross nuisance, and a frequent cause of sin, through irritating the tempers of those who cannot afford to squander time as they do.
If this should meet the eye of any gentleman who has almost forgotten the meaning of the word “punctuality,” we earnestly advise him to try and be henceforth five minutes too soon for every appointment, and then perhaps he will gradually subside into the little great virtue which we here recommend.
Could not some good genius get up a Punctuality Association, every member to wear a chronometer set to correct time, and to keep appointments by the minute-hand? Pledges should be issued, to be signed by all sluggish persons who can summon up sufficient resolution totally to abstain from being behind time in church or chapel, or on committee, or at dinner, or in coming home from the office in the evening. Ladies eligible as members upon signing a special pledge to keep nobody waiting while they run upstairs to pop on their bonnets. How much of sinful temper would be spared, and how much of time saved, we cannot venture to guess. Try it.
By C. H. Spurgeon.
The famous London minister wrote a book entitled, “John Ploughman’s Talk.” His object was to express plain and homely truths in a quaint, humorous way, and thus gain the attention of common people whose reading is confined mostly to murder and divorce cases in newspapers. The enjoyment of the public in reading Mr. Spurgeon’s pithy sayings was evinced by the enormous sale of the book. The extract here given is a fair specimen of its unique style.
That word home always sounds like poetry to me. It rings like a peal of bells at a wedding, only more soft and sweet, and it chimes deeper into the ears of my heart. It does not matter whether it means thatched cottage or manor-house, home is home, be it ever so homely, and there’s no place on earth like it. Green grow the houseleek on the roof forever, and let the moss flourish on the thatch.
Sweetly the sparrows chirrup and the swallows twitter around the chosen spot which is my joy and my rest. Every bird loves its own nest; the owl thinks the old ruins the fairest spot under the moon, and the fox is of opinion that his hole in the hill is remarkably cozy. When my master’s nag knows that his head is towards home he wants no whip, but thinks it best to put on all steam; and I am always of the same mind, for the way home, to me, is the best bit of road in the country. I like to see the smoke out of my own chimney better than the fire on another man’s hearth; there’s something so beautiful in the way in which it curls up among the trees.
Cold potatoes on my own table taste better than roast meat at my neighbor’s, and the[77] honeysuckle at my own door is the sweetest I ever smell. When you are out, friends do their best, but still it is not home. “Make yourself at home,” they say, because everybody knows that to feel at home is to feel at ease.
Why, at home you are at home, and what more do you want? Nobody grudges you, whatever your appetite may be; and you don’t get put into a damp bed. Safe in his own castle, like a king in his palace, a man feels himself somebody, and is not afraid of being thought proud for thinking so. Every cock may crow on his own dunghill; and a dog is a lion when he is at home. No need to guard every word because some enemy is on the watch, no keeping the heart under lock and key; but as soon as the door is shut it is liberty hall, and none to peep and pry.
It is a singular fact, and perhaps some of you will doubt it—but that is your unbelieving nature—our little ones are real beauties, always a pound or two plumper than others of their age; and yet it don’t tire you half so much to nurse them as it does other people’s babies. Why, bless you, my wife would be tired out in half the time, if her neighbor had asked her to see to a strange youngster, but her own children don’t seem to tire her at all. Now my belief is that it all comes of their having been born at home.
Just so it is with everything else: our lane is the most beautiful for twenty miles round, because our home is in it; and my garden is a perfect paradise, for no other particular reason than this very good one, that it belongs to the old house at home.
Husbands should try to make home happy and holy. It is an ill bird that fouls its own nest, a bad man who makes his home wretched. Our house ought to be a little church, with holiness to the Lord over the door; but it ought never to be a prison, where there is plenty of rule and order, but little love and no pleasure.
Married life is not all sugar, but grace in the heart will keep away most of the sours. Godliness and love can make a man, like a bird in a hedge, sing among thorns and briars, and set others a-singing too. It should be the husband’s pleasure to please his wife, and the wife’s care to care for her husband. He is kind to himself who is kind to his wife. I am afraid some men live by the rule of self, and when that is the case home happiness is a mere sham. When husbands and wives are well yoked, how light their load becomes!
It is not every couple that is a pair, and the more’s the pity. In a true home all the strife is which can do the most to make the family happy. A home should be a Bethel, not a Babel. The husband should be the house-band, binding all together like a corner-stone, but not crushing everything like a millstone.
Nothing is improved by anger, unless it be the arch of a cat’s back. A man with his back up is spoiling his figure. People look none the handsomer for being red in the face. It takes a great deal out of a man to get into a towering rage; it is almost as unhealthy as having a fit, and time has been when men have actually choked themselves with passion, and died on the spot. Whatever wrong I suffer, it cannot do me half so much hurt as being angry about it; for passion shortens life and poisons peace.
When once we give way to temper, temper will get right of way, and come in easier every time. He that will be in a pet for any little thing, will soon be out at elbows about nothing at all. A thunder-storm curdles the milk, and so does a passion sour the heart and spoil the character.
By Nathaniel Hawthorne.
Hawthorne is justly regarded as one of the masters of English prose, although the shadowed side of his life predominated and often gave a somewhat gloomy tinge to his writings. Yet through the morbid drapery by which he surrounds himself the light of his superb genius shines brilliantly. His style is a model of clearness, choice words and elevated sentiment. The extract given below is from “The Scarlet Letter,” one of his best works of fiction, and, in fact, one of the best that enriches our American literature. He possessed great originality, a rare power of analyzing character, a delicate and exquisite humor and marvelous felicity in the use of language. Mr. Hawthorne was born at Salem, Massachusetts, in 1804, and died in 1864.
So the mother and little Pearl were admitted into the hall of entrance. With many variations, suggested by the nature of his building-materials, diversity of climate, and a different mode of social life, Governor Bellingham had planned his new habitation after the residences of gentlemen of fair estate in his native land.
Here, then, was a wide and reasonably lofty hall, extending through the whole depth of the house, and forming a medium of general communication, more or less directly, with all the other apartments. At one extremity, this spacious room was lighted by the windows of the two towers, which formed a small recess on either side of the portal. At the other end, though partly muffled by a curtain, it was more powerfully illuminated by one of those embowed hall-windows which we read of in old books, and which was provided with a deep and cushioned seat.
Here, on the cushion, lay a folio tome, probably of the Chronicles of England, or other such substantial literature; even as, in our own days, we scatter gilded volumes on the centre-table, to be turned over by the casual guest. The furniture of the hall consisted of some ponderous chairs, the backs of which were elaborately carved with wreaths of oaken flowers; and likewise a table in the same taste; the whole being of Elizabethan age, or perhaps earlier, and heirlooms, transferred hither from the governor’s paternal home.
On the table—in token that the sentiment of old English hospitality had not been left behind—stood a large pewter tankard, at the bottom of which, had Hester or Pearl peeped into it, they might have seen the frothy remnant of a recent draught of ale.
On the wall hung a row of portraits, representing the forefathers of the Bellingham lineage, some with armor on their breasts, and others with stately ruffs and robes of peace. All were characterized by the sternness and severity which old portraits so invariably put on; as if they were the ghosts, rather than the pictures, of departed worthies, and were gazing with harsh and intolerant criticism at the pursuits and enjoyments of living men.
At about the center of the oaken panels that lined the hall was suspended a suit of mail, not, like the pictures, an ancestral relic, but of the most modern date; for it had been manufactured by a skillful armorer in London the same year in which Governor Bellingham came over to New England. There was a steel headpiece, a cuirass, a gorget and greaves, with a pair of gauntlets and a sword hanging beneath; all, and especially the helmet and breastplate, so highly burnished as to glow with white radiance and scatter an illumination everywhere about upon the floor.
This bright panoply was not meant for[79] mere idle show, but had been worn by the governor on many a solemn muster and training field, and had glittered, moreover, at the head of a regiment in the Pequod war. For, though bred a lawyer, and accustomed to speak of Bacon, Coke, Noye and Finch as his professional associates, the exigencies of this new country had transformed Governor Bellingham into a soldier, as well as a statesman and ruler.
Little Pearl—who was as greatly pleased with the gleaming armor as she had been with the glittering frontispiece of the house—spent some time looking into the polished mirror of the breastplate.
“Mother,” cried she, “I see you here. Look! Look!”
Hester looked, by way of humoring the child; and she saw that, owing to the peculiar effect of this convex mirror, the scarlet letter was represented in exaggerated and gigantic proportions, so as to be greatly the most prominent feature of her appearance. In truth, she seemed absolutely hidden behind it.
Pearl pointed upward, also, at a similar picture in the headpiece, smiling at her mother with the elfish intelligence that was so familiar an expression on her small physiognomy. That look of naughty merriment was likewise reflected in the mirror, with so much breadth and intensity of effect, that it made Hester Prynne feel as if it could not be the image of her own child, but of an imp who was seeking to mold itself into Pearl’s shape.
By Grace Greenwood.
The following selection is an excellent example of sprightly and vivacious writing, a kind of composition that is always entertaining to the reader. Under the assumed name of Grace Greenwood, Mrs. Sarah J. Lippincott was for many years a well-known and popular contributor to various periodicals. She also published several volumes, including works of fiction and stories of travel. She wrote poems that possessed much merit, thus exhibiting a wide range of talent. Her fine thoughts were expressed in a style of great ease, simplicity and beauty. Mrs. Lippincott was born in Onondaga County, New York, in 1825, and died in 1898.
“Annie! Sophie! come up quick, and see baby in her bath-tub!” cries a charming little maiden, running down the wide stairway of an old country house, and half-way up the long hall, all in a fluttering cloud of pink lawn, her soft dimpled cheeks tinged with the same lovely morning hue.
In an instant there is a stir and gush of light laughter in the drawing-room, and presently, with a movement a little more majestic and elder-sisterly, Annie and Sophie float noiselessly through the hall and up the soft-carpeted ascent, as though borne on their respective clouds of blue and white drapery, and take their way to the nursery, where a novel entertainment awaits them. It is the first morning of the eldest married sister’s first visit home, with her first baby; and the first baby, having slept late after its journey, is about to take its first bath in the old house.
“Well, I declare, if here isn’t mother, forgetting her dairy, and Cousin Nellie, too, who must have left poor Ned all to himself in the garden, lonely and disconsolate, and I am torn from my books, and Sophie from her flowers, and all for the sake of seeing a nine-months-old baby kicking about in a bath-tub! What simpletons we are!”
Thus Miss Annie, the proude ladye of the family; handsome, haughty, with perilous proclivities toward grand socialistic theories, transcendentalism, and general strong-mindedness; pledged by many a saucy vow to a life of single dignity and freedom, given to studies artistic, æsthetic, philosophic, and ethical; a student of Plato, an absorber of Emerson, an exalter of her sex, a contemner of its natural enemies.
“Simpletons, are we?” cries pretty Elinor Lee, aunt of the baby on the other side, and “Cousin Nellie” by love’s courtesy, now kneeling close by the bath-tub, and receiving on her sunny braids a liberal baptism from the pure, plashing hands of babyhood,—“simpletons, indeed! Did I not once see thee, O Pallas-Athene, standing rapt before a copy of the ‘Crouching Venus?’
“And this is a sight a thousand times more beautiful; for here we have color, action, life, and such grace as the divinest sculptors of Greece were never able to entrance in marble. Just look at these white, dimpled shoulders, every dimple holding a tiny, sparkling drop,—these rosy, plashing feet and hands,—this laughing, roguish face,—these eyes, bright and blue and deep as lakes of fairy land,—these ears, like dainty sea shells,—these locks of gold, dripping diamonds,—and tell me what cherub of Titian, what Cupid of Greuze, was ever half so lovely? I say, too, that Raphael himself would have jumped at the chance of painting Louise, as she sits there, towel in hand, in all the serene pride and chastened dignity of young maternity—of painting her as Madonna.”
By Harriet Beecher Stowe.
Mrs. Stowe is particularly happy in portraying negro character. It requires for this a great appreciation of humor, and her writings abound in this, while her imagination and fine command of language make many of her writings brilliant and even poetical.
Mrs. Stowe is the most celebrated American authoress. Her “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” has been more widely read than any other work of fiction ever published. While in this work her conspicuous genius appears to fine advantage, she has nevertheless written other works, some of them describing New England life and character, which are masterpieces. She was born at Litchfield, Conn., on the 14th of June, 1812, and died at Hartford July 1st, 1896.
“I intend,” said Mr. Marvyn, “to make the same offer to your husband, when he returns from work to-night.”
“Laus, Mass’r—why, Cato, he’ll do jes’ as I do—dere a’n’t no kind o’ need o’ askin’ him. Course he will.”
A smile passed round the circle, because between Candace and her husband there existed one of those whimsical contrasts which one sometimes sees in married life. Cato was a small-built, thin, softly-spoken negro, addicted to a gentle chronic cough; and, though a faithful and skillful servant, seemed, in relation to his better half, much like a hill of potatoes under a spreading apple-tree. Candace held to him with a vehement and patronizing fondness, so devoid of conjugal reverence as to excite the comments of her friends.
“You must remember, Candace,” said a good deacon to her one day, when she was ordering him about at a catechizing, “you ought to give honor to your husband; the wife is the weaker vessel.”
“I de weaker vessel?” said Candace, looking down from the tower of her ample corpulence on the small, quiet man whom[81] she had been fledging with the ample folds of a worsted comforter, out of which his little head and shining bead-eyes looked, much like a blackbird in a nest—“I de weaker vassel! Umph!”
A whole woman’s rights convention could not have expressed more in a day than was given in that single look and word. Candace considered a husband as a thing to be taken care of—a rather inconsequent and somewhat troublesome species of pet, to be humored, nursed, fed, clothed, and guided in the way that he was to go—an animal that was always losing off buttons, catching colds, wearing his best coat every day, and getting on his Sunday hat in a surreptitious manner for week-day occasions; but she often condescended to express it as her opinion that he was a blessing, and that she didn’t know what she’d do if it wasn’t for Cato.
She sometimes was heard expressing herself very energetically in disapprobation of the conduct of one of her sable friends, named Jinny Stiles, who, after being presented with her own freedom, worked several years to buy that of her husband, but became afterwards so disgusted with her acquisition, that she declared she would “neber buy anoder nigger.”
“Now, Jinny don’t know what she’s talkin’ about,” she would say. “S’pose he does cough and keep her awake nights, and take a little too much sometimes, a’n’t he better’n no husband at all? A body wouldn’t seem to hab nuffin to lib for, ef dey hadn’t an old man to look arter. Men is nate’lly foolish about some tings—but dey’s good deal better’n nuffin.”
And Candace, after this condescending remark, would lift with one hand a brass kettle in which poor Cato might have been drowned, and fly across the kitchen with it as if it were a feather.
By George Meredith.
An example of beautiful description.
An oppressive slumber hung about the forest-branches. In the dells and on the heights was the same dead heat. Here where the brook tinkled it was no cool-lipped sound, but metallic, and without the spirit of water. Yonder in a space of moonlight on lush grass, the beams were as white fire to sight and feeling. No haze spread around. The valleys were clear, defined to the shadows of their verges; the distances sharply distinct, and with the colors of day but slightly softened.
Richard beheld a roe moving across a slope of sward far out of rifle-mark. The breathless silence was significant, yet the moon shone in a broad blue heaven. Tongue out of mouth trotted the little dog after him; couched panting when he stopped an instant; rose weariedly when he started afresh. Now and then a large white night-moth flitted through the dusk of the forest.
On a barren corner of the wooded highland looking inland stood gray topless ruins set in nettles and rank grass-blades. Richard mechanically sat down on the crumbling flints to rest, and listened to the panting of the dog. Sprinkled at his feet were emerald lights: hundreds of glow-worms studded the dark dry ground.
He sat and eyed them, thinking not at all. His energies were expended in action. He[82] sat as a part of the ruins, and the moon turned his shadow westward from the south. Overhead, as she declined, long ripples of silver cloud were imperceptibly stealing toward her. They were the van of a tempest. He did not observe them, or the leaves beginning to chatter. When he again pursued his course with his face to the Rhine, a huge mountain appeared to rise sheer over him, and he had it in his mind to scale it. He got no nearer to the base of it for all his vigorous outstepping. The ground began to dip; he lost sight of the sky. Then heavy thunder-drops struck his cheek, the leaves were singing, the earth breathed, it was black before him and behind. All at once the thunder spoke. The mountain he had marked was bursting over him.
Up started the whole forest in violent fire. He saw the country at the foot of the hills to the bounding Rhine gleam, quiver, extinguished. Then there were pauses; and the lightning seemed as the eye of heaven, and the thunder as the tongue of heaven, each alternately addressing him; filling him with awful rapture.
By Ralph Waldo Emerson.
“The Sage of Concord,” as Mr. Emerson was called, expresses the estimate the American public placed upon his writings. His profound thought and originality are unquestioned. To these grand qualities he added a poetic imagination which diffused a fine glow over all his productions.
Mr. Emerson was born in Boston in 1803, graduated from Harvard College in 1821, and entered the ministry of the Unitarian Church, from which, however, he shortly resigned, and soon devoted himself to literary pursuits. His works have a high reputation among scholars and speculative thinkers. His style is singularly terse and at times almost abrupt, but his thoughts are masterly and striking. He died in 1882.
Beauty is the mark God sets upon virtue. Every natural action is graceful. Every heroic act is also decent, and causes the place and the bystanders to shine. We are taught by great actions that the universe is the property of every individual in it.
Every rational creature has all nature for his dowry and estate. It is his if he will. He may divest himself of it; he may creep into a corner, and abdicate his kingdom, as most men do; but he is entitled to the world by his constitution. In proportion to the energy of his thought and will, he takes up the world into himself. “All those things for which men plough, build, or sail, obey virtue;” said an ancient historian. “The winds and waves,” said Gibbon, “are always on the side of the ablest navigators.” So are the sun and moon and all the stars of heaven.
When a noble act is done—perchance in a scene of great natural beauty; when Leonides and his three hundred martyrs consume one day in dying, and the sun and moon come each and look at them once in the steep defile of Thermopylæ; when Arnold Winkelreid, in the high Alps, under the shadow of the avalanche, gathers in his side a sheaf of Austrian spears to break the line for his comrades; are not these heroes entitled to add the beauty of the scene to the beauty of the deed? When the bark of Columbus nears the shore of America;—before it the beach lined with savages, fleeing out of all their huts of cane; the sea behind; and the purple mountains of the Indian Archipelago around, can we separate the[83] man from the living picture? Does not the New World clothe his form with her palm groves and savannahs as fit drapery?
Ever does natural beauty steal in like air, and envelop great actions. When Sir Harry Vane was dragged up the Tower-hill sitting on a sled, to suffer death, as the champion of the English laws, one of the multitude cried out to him, “You never sate on so glorious a seat.” Charles II., to intimidate the citizens of London, caused the patriot Lord Russel to be drawn in an open coach through the principal streets of the city, on his way to the scaffold. “But,” to use the simple narrative of his biographer, “the multitude imagined they saw liberty and virtue sitting by his side.”
In private places, among sordid objects, an act of truth or heroism seems at once to draw to itself the sky as its temple, the sun as its candle. Nature stretcheth out her arms to embrace man, only let his thoughts be of equal greatness. Willingly does she follow his steps with the rose and the violet, and bend her lines of grandeur and grace to the decoration of her darling child. Only let his thoughts be of equal scope, and the frame will suit the picture. A virtuous man is in unison with her works, and makes the central figure of the visible sphere.
The noonday darkness of the American forest, the deep, echoing, aboriginal woods, where the living columns of the oak and fir tower up from the ruins of the trees of the last millennium; where, from year to year, the eagle and the crow see no intruder; the pines, bearded with savage moss, yet touched with grace by the violets at their feet; the broad, cold lowland, which forms its coat of vapor with the stillness of subterranean crystallization; and where the traveler, amid the repulsive plants that are native in the swamp, thinks with pleasing terror of the distant town; this beauty—haggard and desert beauty, which the sun and the moon, the snow and the rain repaint and vary, has never been recorded by art, yet is not indifferent to any passenger.
All men are poets at heart. They serve nature for bread, but her loveliness overcomes them sometimes. What mean these journeys to Niagara; these pilgrims to the White Hills? Men believe in the adaptations of utility always. In the mountains they may believe in the adaptations of the eye.
Undoubtedly the changes of geology have a relation to the prosperous sprouting of the corn and peas in my kitchen garden; but not less is there a relation of beauty between my soul and the dim crags of Agiocochook up there in the clouds. Every man, when this is told, hearkens with joy, and yet his own conversation with nature is still unsung.
To aid you in writing compositions a lengthy list of subjects is here furnished. These, you will see, are adapted to persons of various ages and capacities. Many of them are comparatively simple and require no profound thought, while others are deep enough to tax all your powers of reason.
Do not choose a subject that is too abstruse and difficult. Plain narration and description should go before profound argument. Yet do not be satisfied with a simple theme if you are capable of writing upon one that demands more study and thought. When you have chosen your subject, you should be guided by the practical hints and directions contained in the first pages of this volume, which you should faithfully study.
Many of the subjects here presented will require a good deal of reading and research before you can write upon them intelligently. This is true especially of the historical and biographical subjects. If you find history to be a fascinating study, as it is to most persons, you will become so filled and enamored with your theme, that you can write upon it easily.
Never consider it too much trouble to prepare yourself thoroughly to write your compositions. If you would have nuggets of gold you must dig for them. Success is worth all it costs, however much that may be. Remember Bulwer Lytton’s saying, “The pen is mightier than the sword.”
We use words to express ideas and thoughts. The best words are those which best express the thought or idea. All writers are frequently at a loss for the exact word or phrase that will express their meaning the most forcibly, and are compelled to ransack and search their vocabulary in order to get out of the difficulty.
The number of words used by the majority of persons is very small, and they are therefore in constant danger of the fault of repetition. We do not like to hear a speaker use the same word too frequently. To do so detracts seriously from the force and beauty of his address. While there are instances in which a repetition of a word is called for, and to make use of another would weaken the sentence and fail to fully give the meaning of the writer or speaker, it is nevertheless true that constant repetitions are not only a blemish, but a fault that should be corrected.
For the purpose of avoiding too much repetition in writing and speaking it is necessary to have a Dictionary of words of similar meaning. A Synonym is one of two or more words of similar significance which may often be used interchangeably. An Antonym is a word of opposite meaning. In the following list the Synonyms are first given; then follow, in parenthesis, the Antonyms, or words of opposite meaning.
All persons who would acquire an elegant style in literary composition, correspondence or ordinary conversation, will find this comprehensive Dictionary of Synonyms and Antonyms of great value. Jewels of thought should be set in appropriate language.
In this table the letter a means adjective; v means verb; n means noun or substantive.
ABANDON—forsake, desert, renounce, relinquish. (Keep, cherish.)
ABANDONED—deserted, forsaken, profligate, wicked, reprobate, dissolute, flagitious, corrupt, depraved, vicious. (Respected, esteemed, cherished, virtuous.)
ABASEMENT—degradation, fall, degeneracy, humiliation, abjectness, debasement, servility. (Elevation, promotion, honor.)
ABASH—disconcert, discompose, confound, confuse, shame, bewilder. (Embolden.)
ABBREVIATE—shorten, curtail, contract, abridge, condense, reduce, compress. (Lengthen, extend, enlarge, expand.)
ABDICATE—renounce, resign, relinquish. (Usurp.)
ABET—incite, stimulate, whet, encourage, back up, second, countenance, assist. (Dampen, discourage, dispirit, depress, repress, oppose.)
ABETTOR—instigator, prompter, assistant, coadjutor, accomplice, accessory, particeps criminis. (Extinguisher.)
ABHOR—loathe, abominate, (Love, admire.)
ABILITY—power, skill, gumption, efficiency, mastery, qualification, faculty, expertness. (Incompetence, inefficiency, inability.)
ABJECT—despised, despicable, vile, grovelling, mean, base, worthless, servile. (Supreme, august, commanding, noble.)
ABJURE—forswear, disclaim, unsay, recant, revoke, deny, disown. (Attest, affirm.)
ABLE—competent, qualified, skilled, efficient, capable, clever, adroit, adept, strong, telling, masterly. (Incompetent, weak, unskilful, unqualified.)
ABODE—dwelling, residence, domicile, home, quarters, habitation, lodging, settlement. (Transition, shifting, wandering, pilgrimage, peregrination.)
ABOLISH—efface, extinguish, annihilate, nullify, destroy, undo, quash, annul, cancel, abrogate, quench, suppress, vitiate, revoke. (Introduce, establish, enforce, restore.)
ABOMINABLE—detestable, hateful, odious, execrable. (Choice, excellent, attractive, select.)
ABORTIVE—ineffectual, futile, inoperative, defective, inadequate. (Efficient, productive, complete.)
ABOUT—around, near to, nearly, approximately, contiguous. (Remote from, distant.)
ABSCOND—take oneself off, “vamoose,” disappear, decamp, run away. (Thrust oneself into notice.)
ABSENT—not present, wanting, absentminded, abstracted, inattentive, listless, dreamy, visionary. (Present, collected, composed, vigilant, observant.)
ABSOLUTE—certain, unconditioned, unconditional, unlimited, unrestricted, transcendent, authoritative, paramount, imperative, arbitrary, despotic. (Conditional, limited, hampered, fettered.)
ABSORB—suck up, imbibe, engross, drain away, consume. (Reserve, save, spare, husband, economize, hoard up.)
ABSURD—unreasonable, nonsensical, foolish, vain, impracticable. (Reasonable, prudent, veracious.)
ABUSE, v.—pervert, deprave, traduce, debase, disparage, slander, calumniate, rail at, reproach, depreciate. (Improve, develop, cultivate, promote, bless, magnify, appreciate.)
ABUSE, n.—perversion, ill-usage, depravation, debasement, slander, reproach. (Cultivation, use, promotion, development, appreciation, praise.)
ACCEDE—join, assent, acquiesce in, comply, agree, concur, coincide, approve. (Dissent, object, decline, refuse.)
ACCELERATE—hasten, hurry, speed, expedite, quicken, precipitate, facilitate. (Retard, delay, procrastinate, arrest, stop, impede, suspend.)
ACCEPT—take, receive, assume, acknowledge, endorse. (Refuse, repudiate, protest, disown.)
ACCEPTABLE—pleasant, grateful, welcome. (Repugnant, displeasing.)
ACCIDENT—casualty, contingency, hap, mishap, chance, mischance, misadventure. (Law, order.)
ACCOMMODATE—adjust, adapt, fit, conform, reconcile, suit, oblige, furnish, convenience. (Cross, thwart, counteract, plot against, checkmate, defeat, inconvenience.)
ACCOMPLICE—confederate, ally, associate, accessory, particeps criminis. (Adversary, rival, spy, opponent, enemy.)
ACCOMPLISH—complete, perform, finish, fulfil, execute, perfect, consummate, achieve, effect, carry out. (Fail, miscarry, undo, wreck, frustrate.)
ACCOMPLISHMENT—success, fulfilment, completion, performance, execution, achievement, consummation, attainment. (Failure, miscarriage, wreck, ruin.)
ACCORD—harmonize, agree, allow, grant, concede. (Jar, clash with, deny, disallow.)
ACCOST—address, confront, speak to, greet, salute. (Evade, fight shy of.)
ACCOUNT, v.—compute, estimate, reckon up, take stock of. (Leave unexplained, unsolved.)
ACCOUNT, n.—reckoning, relation, charge, bill. (Riddle, mystery, puzzle, unknown quantity.)
ACCOUNTABLE—answerable, responsible, amenable. (Exempt, free, irresponsible.)
ACCUMULATE—heap up, save, collect. (Scatter, dissipate, diffuse, spend, squander.)
ACCUMULATION—heap, amount, glut. (Dissipation, dissemination, distribution, diminution.)
ACCURATE—definite, precise, correct, exact. (Inaccurate, wrong, erroneous, blundering, careless.)
ACHIEVE—complete, gain, win.
ACHIEVEMENT—feat, exploit, distinguished performance, acquirement. (Abortion, frustration, failure, shortcoming, defect.)
ACKNOWLEDGE—avow, confess, own, recognize, admit, grant, concede. (Repudiate, disclaim, disallow, disown, deny.)
ACQUAINT—make known, apprise, inform, communicate, intimate, notify. (Leave ignorant, keep secret, conceal.)
ACQUAINTANCE—knowledge, familiarity, fellowship, companionship. (Ignorance, stranger.)
ACQUIESCE—yield, concur, agree, assent. (Protest, object, dissent, secede, oppose.)
ACQUIT—set free, release, discharge, clear, absolve, exculpate, exonerate, liberate, deliver. (Accuse, impeach, charge, blame, convict.)
ACT, v.—do, perform, commit, operate, work, practice, behave, personate, play, enact. (Neglect, cease, desist, rest, wait, lie idle, refrain.)
ACTION—working, agency, operation, business, gesture, engagement, fight, deed, battle, feat. (Inaction, repose, rest, idleness, ease, indolence, inertia, passiveness, quiescence, dormancy.)
ACTIVE—energetic, busy, stirring, alive, brisk, operative, lively, agile, nimble, diligent, sprightly, alert, quick, supple, prompt, industrious. (Passive, inert, dead, extinct, dull, torpid, sluggish, indolent, lazy, dormant, quiescent, asleep.)
ACTUAL—real, positive, existing, certain. (False, imaginary, theoretical, illusive, fictitious.)
ACUTE—sharp, pointed, penetrating, piercing, keen, poignant, pungent, intense, violent, shrill, sensitive, sharp-witted, shrewd, discriminating, clever, cunning. (Obtuse, blunt, bluff, dull, flat, callous, stupid, apathetic.)
ADAPT—fit, suit, adjust, conform, regulate. (Misfit, discommode, dislocate.)
ADDICTED—committed to, devoted, prone, given up to, inclined, habituated. (Uncommitted, free, uncompromised, neutral.)
ADDITION—annexation, accession, supplement, adjunct, affix, appendage, accessory, increment, increase, complement, plus, more. (Subtraction, deduction, retrenchment, curtailment, deprivation, minus, less, loss, impoverishment.)
ADDRESS—speech, salutation, accost, appeal; also skill, dexterity, adroitness; also direction, name; also residence. (Response, answer, reply, rejoinder; also awkwardness, maladroitness, clumsiness, slovenliness.)
ADHESION—sticking, adherence, adoption, attachment, espousal. (Repulsion, revulsion, antipathy, aversion, hostility, incompatibility, dislike.)
ADJACENT—next, near, nigh, at hand, alongside, close by, adjoining, contiguous, bordering, neighboring, proximate. (Remote, foreign, distant, aloof, far, apart, asunder.)
ADJOURN—put off, postpone, defer, delay, keep in abeyance, prorogue, suspend, procrastinate, retard, waive, remand, reserve. (Conclude, clinch, accelerate, precipitate.)
ADJUNCT—appendage, affix, annex, annexation, appendix, adhesion, appurtenance. (Curtailment, retrenchment, lop, mutilation, reduction, clipping, docking, filching.)
ADJUST—make exact, set right, fit, adapt, dovetail, arrange, harmonize, settle, regulate. (Confound, confuse, muddle, disorder, perplex, embarrass, entangle, clash, jar, jumble, disarrange, unsettle.)
ADMIRABLE—wonderful, excellent, choice, noble, grand, estimable, lovely, ideal, surpassing, extraordinary, eminent. (Detestable, vile, mean, contemptible, despicable, worthless, wretched, villainous, pitiful.)
ADMIT—allow, permit, suffer, receive, usher, grant, acknowledge, confess, concede, accept. (Deny, refuse, shut out, forbid, disown, disclaim.)
ADVANTAGEOUS—profitable, serviceable, useful, beneficial, helpful, of value. (Disadvantageous, detrimental, prejudicial, injurious, hurtful, harmful, deleterious, obnoxious, pernicious.)
AFFECTION—bent, inclination, partiality, attraction, impulse, love, desire, passion, fascination; also suffering, disease, morbidness. (Repulsion, revulsion, antipathy, dislike, recoil, aversion, estrangement, indifference, coldness, alienation; also wholeness, soundness, healthiness.)
AFFECTIONATE—loving, kind, fond, doting, tender, amiable, cordial, hearty, good-hearted. (Cold, unloving, unkind, heartless, selfish, crabbed, sour, malign, malicious, malevolent, misanthropic, cynical, ill-natured, cruel, hating.)
AGREEABLE—pleasant, acceptable, grateful, refreshing, genial, pleasing, palatable, sweet, charming, delectable. (Disagreeable, displeasing, unpleasant, ungrateful, harsh, repellent, painful, noxious, plaguy, irritating, annoying, mortifying.)
ALTERNATING—reciprocal, correlative, interchangeable, by turns, vice versa. (Monotonous, unchanging, continual.)
AMBASSADOR—messenger, envoy, emissary, legate, nuncio, diplomatist, diplomate, representative, vicegerent, plenipotentiary, minister, agent. (Principal, government, sovereign, power.)
AMEND—improve, correct, better, meliorate, rectify, prune, repair, revise, remedy, reform. (Injure, impair, damage, harm, hurt, mar, mangle, blemish, deteriorate, ruin, spoil.)
ANGER—resentment, animosity, wrath, indignation, pique, umbrage, huff, displeasure, dungeon, irritation, irascibility, choler, ire, hate. (Kindness, benignity, bonhomie, good nature.)
APPROPRIATE—assimilate, assume, possess oneself of, take, grab, clutch, collar, snap up, capture, steal. (Relinquish, give up, surrender, yield, resign, forego, renounce, abandon, discard, dismiss.)
ARGUE—reason, discuss, debate, dispute, contend. (Obscure, darken, mystify, mislead, misrepresent, evade, sophisticate.)
ARISE—rise, ascend, mount, climb, soar, spring, emanate, proceed, issue. (Descend, fall, gravitate, drop, slide, settle, decline, sink, dismount, alight.)
ARTFUL—cunning, crafty, skilful, wily, designing, politic, astute, knowing, tricky. (Artless, naïve, natural, simple, plain, ingenuous, frank, sincere, open, candid, guileless, straightforward, direct.)
ARTIFICE—contrivance, stratagem, trick, design, plot, machination, chicanery, knavery, jugglery, guile, jobbery. (Artlessness, candor, openness, simplicity, innocence, ingenuousness.)
ASSOCIATION—partnership, fellowship, solidarity, league, alliance, combination, coalition, federation, junto, cabal. (Opposition, antagonism, conflict, counteraction, resistance, hinderance, counterplot, detachment, individualism.)
ATTACK—assault, charge, onset, onslaught, incursion, inroad, bombardment, cannonade. (Defence, protection, guard, ward, resistance, stand, repulse, rebuff, retreat.)
AUDACITY—boldness, defiance, prowess, intrepidity, mettle, game, pluck, fortitude, rashness, temerity, presumption, foolhardiness, courage, hardihood. (Cowardice, pusillanimity, timidity, meekness, poltroonery, fear, caution, calculation, discretion, prudence.)
AUSTERE—severe, harsh, rigid, stern, rigorous, uncompromising, inflexible, obdurate, exacting, straight-laced, unrelenting. (Lax, loose, slack, remiss, weak, pliant, lenient, mild, indulgent, easy-going, forbearing, forgiving.)
AVARICIOUS—tight-fisted, griping, churlish, parsimonious, stingy, penurious, miserly, niggardly, close, illiberal, ungenerous, covetous, greedy, rapacious. (Prodigal, thriftless, improvident, extravagant, lavish, dissipated, freehanded.)
AVERSION—antipathy, revulsion, repulsion, dislike, recoil, estrangement, alienation, repugnance, disgust, nausea. (Predilection, fancy, fascination, allurement, attraction, magnet.)
AWE—dread, fear, reverence, prostration, admiration, bewilderment. (Familiarity, indifference, heedlessness, unconcern, contempt, mockery.)
AXIOM—maxim, aphorism, apophthegm, adage, motto, dictum, theorem, truism, proverb, saw. (Absurdity, paradox.)
BABBLE—splash, gurgle, bubble, purl, ripple, prattle, clack, gabble, clash, jabber, twaddle, prate, chatter, blab. (Silence, hush.)
BAD—depraved, defiled, distorted, corrupt, evil, wicked, wrong, sinful, morbid, foul, peccant, noxious, pernicious, diseased, imperfect, tainted, touched. (Good, whole, sound, healthy, beneficial, salutary, prime, perfect, entire, untouched, unblemished, intact, choice, worthy.)
BAFFLE—thwart, checkmate, defeat, disconcert, confound, block, outwit, traverse, contravene, frustrate, balk, foil. (Aid, assist, succor, further, forward, expedite, sustain, second, reinforce.)
BASE—crude, undeveloped, low, villainous, mean, deteriorated, misbegotten, ill-contrived, ill-constituted. (Noble, exalted, lofty, sublime, excellent, elect, choice, aristocratic, exquisite, capital.)
BEAR—carry, hold, sustain, support, suffer, endure, beget, generate, produce, breed, hatch. (Lean, depend, hang, yield, sterile, unproductive.)
BEASTLY—bestial, animal, brutal, sensual, gross, carnal, lewd. (Human, humane, virtuous, moral, ethical, intellectual, thoughtful, spiritual.)
BEAT—strike, smite, thrash, thwack, thump, pummel, drub, leather, baste, belabor, birch, scourge, defeat, surpass, rout, overthrow. (Protect, defend, soothe.)
BEAUTIFUL—fair, complete, symmetrical, handsome. (Ugly, repulsive, foul.)
BECOMING—suiting, accordant, fit, seemly. (Discrepant, improper, in bad form.)
BEG—beseech, crave, entreat. (Offer, proffer.)
BEHAVIOR—carriage, deportment, conduct.
BENEFICENT—bountiful, generous, liberal. (Sordid, mercenary.)
BENEFIT—good, advantage, service. (Loss, detriment, injury.)
BENEVOLENCE—well-wishing, charity. (Malevolence, malice, hate.)
BLAME—censure, reproach. (Approve, honor.)
BLEMISH—flaw, stain, spot, imperfection, defect. (Ornament, decoration, embellishment, adornment, finery, gilding.)
BLIND—dimsighted, ignorant, uninformed. (Sharp-sighted, enlightened.)
BLOT—efface, cancel, expunge, erase. (Record.)
BOLD—brave, daring, fearless, intrepid, courageous. (Cowardly, timid, shy, chicken-hearted.)
BORDER—margin, boundary, frontier, confine, fringe, hem, selvedge, valance. (Inclosure, interior, inside.)
BOUND—circumscribe, limit, restrict, confine, enclose; also leap, jump, hop, spring, vault, skip. (Enlarge, clear, deliver; also plunge, dip, sink.)
BRAVE—dare, defy. (Cave in, show the white feather.)
BREAK—bruise, crush, pound, squeeze, crack, snap, splinter. (Bind, hold together, knit, rivet.)
BREEZE—blow, zephyr. (Stillness, hush, calm.)
BRIGHT—shining, lustrous, radiant. (Dull, dim.)
BRITTLE—frangible, fragile, frail. (Tough.)
BURIAL—interment, sepulture, obsequies. (Exhumation, disinterment.)
BUSINESS—occupation, employment, pursuit, vocation, calling, profession, craft, trade. (Leisure, vacation, play.)
BUSTLE—stir, fuss, ado, flurry. (Quiet, stillness.)
CALAMITY—misfortune, disaster, catastrophe. (Good luck, prosperity.)
CALM—still, motionless, placid, serene, composed. (Stormy, unsettled, restless, agitated, distracted.)
CAPABLE—competent, able, efficient. (Unqualified.)
CAPTIOUS—censorious, cantankerous. (Conciliatory, bland.)
CARE—solicitude, concern. (Negligence, carelessness, nonchalance.)
CARESS—fondle, love, pet. (Spurn, disdain.)
CARNAGE—butchery, gore, massacre, slaughter.
CAUSE—origin, source, ground, reason, motive.
CENSURE—reprehend, chide. (Approve.)
CERTAIN—sure, infallible. (Doubtful, dubious.)
CESSATION—discontinuance, stoppage, rest, halt. (Perseverance, persistence, continuance.)
CHANCE—accident, luck. (Intention, purpose.)
’CHANGE—exchange, bourse, mart, emporium.
CHANGEABLE—mutable, variable, fickle. (Steadfast, firm.)
CHARACTER—constitution, nature, disposition.
CHARM—fascination, enchantment, witchery, attraction. (Nuisance, mortification, bore, plague.)
CHASTITY—purity, virtue. (Concupiscence.)
CHEAP—inexpensive, worthless. (Dear, costly.)
CHEERFUL—blithe, lightsome, brisk, sprightly. (Melancholy, sombre, morose, gloomy, sad.)
CHIEF—sachem, head, ruler. (Vassal, henchman.)
CIRCUMSTANCE—situation, predicament.
CLASS—division, category, department, order, kind, sort, genus, species, variety.
CLEVER—adroit, dexterous, expert, deft, ready, smart. (Awkward, dull, shiftless, clumsy.)
CLOTHED—dressed, arrayed, apparelled. (Disrobed, stripped.)
COARSE—crude, unrefined. (Refined, cultivated.)
COAX—cajole, wheedle, fawn, lure, induce, entice. (Dissuade, indispose, warn, admonish.)
COLD—frigid, chill, inclement. (Hot, glowing.)
COLOR—hue, tint, tinge, tincture, dye, shade, stain. (Pallor, paleness, wanness, blankness, achromatism, discoloration.)
COMBINATION—coalescence, fusion, faction, coalition, league. (Dissolution, rupture, schism.)
COMMAND—empire, rule. (Anarchy, license.)
COMMODITY—goods, effects, merchandise, stock.
COMMON—general, ordinary, mean, base. (Rare, exceptional, unique.)
COMPASSION—pity, commiseration, sympathy. (Cruelty, severity.)
COMPEL—force, coerce, oblige, necessitate, make, constrain. (Let alone, tolerate.)
COMPENSATION—amends, atonement, requital. (Withholding.)
COMPENDIUM—abstract, epitome, digest. (Amplification, expansion.)
COMPLAIN—lament, murmur, regret, repine, deplore. (Rejoice, exult, boast, brag, chuckle.)
COMPLY—consent, yield, acquiesce. (Refuse, deny, decline.)
COMPOUND, a.—composite, complex, blended. (Simple, elementary.)
COMPREHEND—comprise, contain, embrace, include, enclose, grasp. (Exclude, reject, mistake, eliminate, loss.)
CONCEAL—hide, secrete, cover, screen, shroud, veil, disguise. (Publish, report, divulge.)
CONCEIVE—grasp, apprehend, devise, invent. (Ignorant of.)
CONCLUSION—result, finding. (Undetermined.)
CONDEMN—convict, find guilty, sentence, doom. (Acquit.)
CONDUCT, v.—direct, manage, govern. (Follow, obey, submit.)
CONFIRM—corroborate, ratify, endorse, support, uphold. (Weaken, enfeeble, reduce.)
CONFLICT—contend, contest, wrestle, tussle, clash, wrangle. (Harmonize, agree, fraternize, concur.)
CONFUTE—refute, disprove. (Demonstrate.)
CONQUER—defeat, vanquish, overcome. (Fail, be beaten, lose.)
CONSEQUENCE—effect, derivation, result, event, issue. (Cause, origin, source, antecedent.)
CONSIDER—reflect, deliberate. (Forget, ignore.)
CONSISTENT—accordant, concordant, compatible, consonant, congruous, reconcilable, harmonious. (Discordant, discrepant.)
CONSOLE—relieve, soothe, comfort. (Embitter.)
CONSTANCY—continuance, tenacity, stability. (Irresolution, fickleness.)
CONTAMINATE—Pollute, stain, taint, tarnish, blur, smudge, defile. (Cleanse, purify, purge.)
CONTEMN—despise, disdain, scorn. (Esteem, appreciate, admire.)
CONTEMPLATE—survey, scan, observe, intend. (Disregard.)
CONTEMPTIBLE—despicable, paltry, shabby, beggarly, worthless, vile, cheap, trashy. (Estimable.)
CONTEND—fight, wrangle, vie. (Be at peace.)
CONTINUAL—perpetual, endless, ceaseless. (Momentary, transient.)
CONTINUE—remain, persist, endure. (Desist, stay.)
CONTRADICT—deny, gainsay, oppose. (Affirm, assert, declare.)
CORRECT—mend, rectify. (Impair, muddle.)
COST—expense, charge, price, value.
COVETOUSNESS—avarice, cupidity, extortion. (Generosity, liberality.)
COWARDICE—poltroonery, faint-heartedness. (Courage, boldness, intrepidity.)
CRIME—offence, trespass, misdemeanor, felony, transgression. (Innocence, guiltlessness.)
CRIMINAL—culprit, felon, convict. (Paragon.)
CROOKED—twisted, distorted, bent, awry, wry, askew, deformed. (Straight, upright.)
CRUEL—brutal, ferocious, barbarous, blood-thirsty, fiendish. (Kind, benignant, benevolent.)
CULTIVATION—tillage, culture. (Waste.)
CURSORY—fugitive, hurried, perfunctory. (Permanent, thorough.)
CUSTOM—habit, wont, usage, fashion, practice.
DANGER—peril, hazard, jeopardy. (Safety.)
DARK—obscure, sombrous, opaque, unintelligible. (Light, luminous, shining, clear, lucid.)
DEADLY—mortal, fatal, destructive, lethal.
DEAR—costly, precious, high-priced, beloved, darling, pet, favorite. (Cheap, disliked, despised.)
DEATH—decease, demise, dissolution. (Birth, life.)
DECAY, n.—decline, consumption, atrophy. (Development, growth.)
DECEIVE—cheat, defraud, cozen, overreach, gull, dupe, swindle, victimize. (Truthfulness.)
DECEIT, n.—imposition, fraud, deception. (Veracity, honesty.)
DECIDE—determine, resolve, conclude, settle, adjudicate, arbitrate, terminate. (Hesitate, dilly-dally, shuffle.)
DECIPHER—interpret, explain, construe, unravel. (Mistake, confound.)
DECISION—determination, conclusion, firmness. (Wavering, hesitancy.)
DECLAMATION—harangue, oration, recitation, tirade, speech.
DECLARATION—affirmation, assertion. (Denial.)
DECREASE—diminish, lessen, reduce, wane, decline. (Increase, grow, enlarge.)
DEDICATE—consecrate, devote, offer, apportion.
DEED—act, transaction, exploit, document.
DEEM—judge, estimate, consider, esteem, suppose.
DEEP—profound, abtruse, hidden, extraordinarily wise. (Shallow, superficial.)
DEFACE—mar, spoil, injure, disfigure. (Beautify.)
DEFAULT—shortcoming, deficiency, defect, imperfection. (Sufficiency, satisfaction.)
DEFENCE—fortification, bulwark, vindication, justification, apology.
DEFEND—shield, vindicate. (Assault, accuse.)
DEFICIENT—incomplete, lacking. (Entire, perfect, whole.)
DEFILE—soil, smutch, besmear, begrime.
DEFINE—limit, bound. (Enlarge, expand.)
DEFRAY—pay, settle, liquidate, satisfy, clear.
DEGREE—grade, extent, measure, ratio, standard.
DELIBERATE, a.—circumspect, wary, cautious. (Heedless, thoughtless.)
DELICACY—nicety, dainty, tit-bit, taste, refinement, modesty. (Grossness, coarseness, vulgarity, indecorum.)
DELICATE—dainty, refined. (Coarse, beastly.)
DELICIOUS—savory, palatable, luscious, charming, delightful. (Offensive, nasty, odious, shocking, nauseous.)
DELIGHT—gratification, felicity. (Mortification, vexation.)
DELIVER—transfer, consign, utter, liberate, declare. (Keep, retain, restrain, check, bridle.)
DEMONSTRATE—prove, show, manifest. (Mystify, obscure.)
DEPART—quit, vacate, retire, withdraw, remove.
DEPRIVE—strip, bereave, despoil. (Invest, equip.)
DEPUTE—commission, delegate, accredit, entrust.
DERISION—ridicule, scoffing, mockery, raillery, chaff, badinage. (Awe, dread, reverence.)
DERIVATION—origin, source, spring, emanation, etymology.
DESCRIBE—delineate, portray, style, specify, characterize.
DESECRATE—profane, blaspheme, revile. (Consecrate, sanctify.)
DESERVE—merit, be entitled to, earn, justify.
DESIGN, n.—delineation, illustration, sketch, plan, drawing, portraiture, draught, projection, scheme, proposal, outline.
DESIRABLE—eligible, suitable, acceptable. (Unfit, objectionable.)
DESIRE, n.—wish, longing, hankering, appetite.
DESOLATE, a.—lonely, solitary, bereaved, forlorn, forsaken, deserted, bleak, dreary. (Befriended, social, festive.)
DESPERATE—frenzied, frantic, furious. (Calm, composed, moderate.)
DESTINY—fatality, doom, predestination, decree, fate. (Casualty, accident, contingency, chance.)
DESTRUCTIVE—mischievous, disastrous, deleterious. (Creative, beneficial.)
DESUETUDE—disuse, discontinuance. (Use, habit, practice.)
DESULTORY—immethodical, disconnected, rambling, discontinuous, interrupted, fitful, intermittent. (Continuous, consecutive, constant.)
DETAIL, n.—particular, item, count, specialty, individuality.
DETAIL, v.—particularize, enumerate, specify. (Generalize.)
DETER—discourage, dissuade. (Encourage, incite.)
DETRIMENT—damage, loss. (Benefit, improvement, betterment.)
DEVELOP—unfold, expand, increase. (Extirpate.)
DEVOID—wanting, destitute, bereft, denuded, bare, emptied, void. (Provided, supplied, furnished.)
DEVOTED—destined, consecrated, sworn to.
DICTATE—enjoin, order, prescribe, mark out.
DICTATORIAL—authoritative, imperative, overbearing, imperious, arbitrary, domineering.
DIE—expire, perish, depart this life, cease.
DIET—food, victuals, nourishment, aliment, board, sustenance, fare, viands, meal, repast, menu.
DIFFER—vary, diverge, disagree, bicker, nag, split. (Accord, harmonize.)
DIFFERENT—various, diverse, unlike. (Identical.)
DIFFICULT—hard, tough, laborious, arduous, formidable. (Easy, facile, manageable, pliant.)
DIFFUSE—discursive, digressive, diluted. (Condensed, concise, terse.)
DIGNIFY—elevate, exalt, ennoble, honor, advance, promote. (Degrade, disgrace, demean, vulgarize.)
DILATE—widen, extend, enlarge, expand, descant, expatiate. (Contract, narrow, compress, reduce.)
DILATORY—slow, tardy, slow-paced, procrastinating, lagging, dawdling. (Prompt, peremptory, quick, instant.)
DILIGENCE—zeal, ardor, assiduity. (Indolence.)
DIMINISH—lessen, reduce, curtail, retrench, bate, abate, shorten, contract. (Increase, augment, aggrandize, enlarge.)
DISABILITY—incapacity, unfitness. (Power.)
DISCERN—descry, perceive, distinguish, espy, scan, recognize, understand, discriminate. (Ignore.)
DISCIPLINE—order, training, drill, schooling. (Laxity, disorder, confusion, anarchy.)
DISCOVER—detect, find, unveil, reveal, open, expose, publish, disclose. (Cover, conceal, hide.)
DISCREDITABLE—disreputable, reprehensible, blameworthy, shameful, scandalous, flagrant. (Exemplary, laudable, commendable.)
DISCREET—prudent, politic, cautious, wary, guarded, judicious. (Reckless, heedless, rash, unadvised, foolhardy, precipitate.)
DISCREPANCY—disagreement, discordance, incongruity, disparity, unfitness, clash, jar. (Concord, unison, harmony, congruity.)
DISCRIMINATION—distinction, differentiation, discernment, appreciation, acuteness, judgment, tact, nicety. (Confusion.)
DISEASE—illness, sickness, ailment, indisposition, complaint, malady, disorder. (Health, sanity, soundness, robustness.)
DISGRACE, n.—stigma, reproach, brand, dishonor, shame, scandal, odium, infamy. (Honor.)
DISGUST—distaste, loathing, nausea, aversion, revulsion, abhorrence. (Predilection, partiality, inclination, bias.)
DISHONEST—fraudulent, unfair, tricky, unjust. (Straightforward, open, sincere, honest, fair, right, just, impartial.)
DISMAY, v.—alarm, startle, scare, frighten, affright, terrify, astound, appal, daunt. (Assure, cheer.)
DISMAY, n.—terror, dread, fear, fright. (Courage.)
DISMISS—send off, discharge, disband. (Instal, retain, keep.)
DISPEL—scatter, disperse, dissipate, drive off, chase. (Collect, rally, summon, gather.)
DISPLAY, v.—exhibit, show, parade. (Conceal.)
DISPOSE—arrange, place, order, marshal, rank, group, assort, distribute, co-ordinate, collocate. (Derange, embroil, jumble, muddle, huddle.)
DISPUTE, v.—discuss, debate, wrangle, controvert, contend. (Homologate, acquiesce in, assent to.)
DISPUTE, n.—argument, controversy, contention, polemic. (Homologation, acquiescence.)
DISTINCT—separate, detached. (Joined, involved.)
DISTINGUISH—perceive, separate. (Confound.)
DISTINGUISHED—famous, noted, marked, eminent, celebrated, illustrious. (Obscure, mean.)
DISTRACT—divert, disconcert, perplex, bewilder, fluster, dazzle. (Observe, study, note, mark.)
DISTRIBUTE—disperse, disseminate, dispense, retail, apportion, consign, dole out. (Accumulate.)
DISTURB—derange, displace, unsettle, trouble, vex, worry, annoy. (Compose, pacify, quiet, soothe.)
DIVIDE—disjoin, part, separate, sunder, sever, cleave, split, rend, partition, distribute. (Constitute, unite.)
DIVINE, a.—God-like, holy, heavenly. (Devilish.)
DIVINE, n.—clergyman, churchman, priest, pastor, shepherd, parson, minister. (Layman.)
DO—effect, make, accomplish, transact, act.
DOCILE—teachable, willing. (Refractory, stubborn, obstinate.)
DOCTRINE—teaching, lore, tenet, dogma, articles of faith, creed. (Ignorance, superstition.)
DOLEFUL—woeful, dismal. (Joyous, merry.)
DOOM, n.—sentence, fate, lot, destiny, decree.
DOUBT—uncertainty, skepticism, hesitation. (Certainty, faith.)
DRAW—pull, attract, inhale, sketch, delineate.
DREAD, n.—fear, horror, alarm, terror, dismay, apprehension. (Confidence, fearlessness.)
DREADFUL—fearful, alarming, formidable, portentous, direful, terrible, horrid, awful. (Mild, winsome, gentle.)
DRESS, n.—clothing, raiment, attire, apparel, clothes, trousseau. (Nudity, nakedness.)
DRIFT—tendency, direction, course, bearing, tenor.
DROLL—funny, laughable, grotesque, farcical, odd. (Dull, serious, solemn, grave.)
DRY, a.—arid, parched, bald, flat, dull. (Aqueous, green, fresh, juicy, interesting.)
DUE—owing, indebted, just, fair, proper.
DULL—heavy, sad, commonplace, gloomy, stupid. (Bright, gay, brilliant.)
DUNCE—blockhead, ignoramus, simpleton, donkey, ninny, dolt, booby, goose, dullard, numskull, dunderpate, clodhopper. (Sage, genius, man of talent, wit.)
DURABLE—abiding, lasting. (Evanescent.)
DWELL—stay, abide, sojourn, remain, tarry, stop. (Shift, wander, remove, tramp.)
DWINDLE—pine, waste, shrink, shrivel, diminish.
EAGER—keen, desirous, craving, ardent, impatient, intent, impetuous. (Loth, reluctant.)
EARN—gain, win, acquire. (Lose, miss, forfeit.)
EARNEST, a.—serious, resolved. (Trifling, giddy, irresolute, fickle.)
EARNEST, n.—pledge, gage, deposit, caution.
EASE, n.—content, rest, satisfaction, comfort, repose. (Worry, bother, friction, agitation, turmoil.)
EASE, v.—calm, console, appease, assuage, allay, mitigate. (Worry, fret, alarm, gall, harass.)
EASY—light, comfortable, unconstrained. (Hard, difficult, embarrassed, constrained.)
ECCENTRIC—wandering, irregular, peculiar, odd, unwonted, extraordinary, queer, nondescript. (Orderly, customary.)
ECONOMICAL—frugal, thrifty, provident. (Squandering, wasteful.)
EDGE—verge, brink, brim, rim, skirt, hem.
EFFECT, v.—produce, bring about, execute.
EFFECTIVE—efficient, operative, powerful, efficacious, competent. (Impotent, incapable, incompetent, inefficient.)
EFFICACY—efficiency, virtue, competence, agency, instrumentality.
ELIMINATE—expel, weed, thin, decimate, exclude, bar, reject, repudiate, winnow, eject, cast out. (Include, comprehend, incorporate, embrace.)
ELOQUENCE—oratory, rhetoric, declamation, facundity, grandiloquence, fluency. (Mumbling, stammering.)
ELUCIDATE—clear up, unfold, simplify, explain, decipher, unravel, disentangle. (Darken, obscure.)
ELUDE—escape, avoid, shun, slip, disappear, shirk.
EMBARRASS—perplex, entangle, involve, impede. (Relieve, unravel.)
EMBELLISH—adorn, decorate, beautify. (Tarnish, disfigure.)
EMBOLDEN—animate, encourage, cheer, instigate, impel, urge, stimulate. (Discourage, dispirit, dampen, depress.)
EMINENT—exalted, lofty, prominent, renowned, distinguished, famous, glorious, illustrious. (Base, obscure, low, unknown.)
EMIT—send out, despatch, spirt, publish, promulgate, edit. (Reserve, conceal, hide.)
EMOTION—feeling, sensation, pathos, nerve, ardor, agitation, excitement. (Apathy, frigidity, phlegm, nonchalance.)
EMPLOY—occupy, engage, utilize, exercise, turn to account, exploit, make use of.
ENCOMPASS—encircle, surround, gird, beset.
ENCOUNTER, v.—meet, run against, clash.
ENCOUNTER, n.—attack, conflict, assault, onset, engagement.
END, n.—object, aim, result, purpose, conclusion, upshot, termination. (Beginning, motive.)
ENDEAVOR, v.—attempt, try, essay, strive.
ENDURANCE—stay, stability, stamina, fortitude.
ENDURE—sustain, bear, brook, undergo.
ENEMY—foe, antagonist, adversary, opponent. (Friend, ally.)
ENERGETIC—active, vigorous, sinewy, nervous, forcible. (Lazy, languid, inert, flabby, flaccid, slack, effete.)
ENGAGE—occupy, busy, entice, captivate.
ENGROSS—monopolize, absorb, take up.
ENGULF—swallow up, drown, submerge, bury.
ENJOIN—order, command, decree, ordain, direct, appoint, prescribe, bind, impose, stipulate.
ENJOYMENT—pleasure, relish, zest. (Privation, grief, misery.)
ENLARGE—expand, widen, augment, broaden, increase, extend. (Diminish, narrow, straighten.)
ENLIGHTEN—illumine, instruct. (Darken, befog, mystify.)
ENLIVEN—cheer, animate, exhilarate, brighten, incite, inspire. (Sadden, deaden, mortify.)
ENMITY—hostility, hatred, antipathy, aversion, detestation. (Love, fondness, predilection.)
ENORMOUS—huge, immense, vast, stupendous, monstrous, gigantic, colossal, elephantine. (Tiny, little, minute, puny, petty, diminutive, infinitesimal, dwarfish.)
ENOUGH—sufficient, adequate. (Short, scrimp, insufficient.)
ENRAGED—infuriated, wrathful, wroth, rabid, mad, raging. (Pacified, calmed, lulled, assuaged.)
ENRAPTURE—captivate, fascinate, enchant, bewitch, ravish, transport, entrance. (Irritate, gall, shock, repel.)
ENROLL—enlist, register, enter, record.
ENTERPRISE—undertaking, endeavor, adventure, pursuit.
ENTHUSIASM—ardor, zeal, glow, unction, fervor. (Coolness, indifference, apathy, nonchalance.)
ENTHUSIAST—visionary, fanatic, devotee, zealot.
EQUAL—even, level, co-ordinate, balanced, alike, equable, equitable. (Unequal, disproportionate.)
ERADICATE—root out, extirpate. (Cherish.)
ERRONEOUS—fallacious, inaccurate, incorrect, untrue, false, inexact. (Accurate, just, right.)
ERROR—mistake, blunder, slip, delusion, fallacy, deception. (Truth, fact, verity, gospel, veracity.)
ESPECIALLY—chiefly, particularly, peculiarly.
ESSAY—endeavor, experiment, trial, attempt, venture, dissertation, treatise, disquisition, tract.
ESTABLISH—settle, fix, set, plant, pitch, lay down, confirm, authenticate, substantiate, verify.
ESTEEM, n.—value, appreciation, honor, regard. (Contempt, depreciation, disparagement.)
ESTIMATE, v.—value, assess, rate, appraise, gauge.
ETERNAL—everlasting, perpetual, endless, immortal, infinite. (Finite, transitory, temporary.)
EVADE—avoid, shun, elude, dodge, parry.
EVEN—plain, flat, level, smooth. (Uneven, rough, indented, protuberant.)
EVENT—occurrence, incident, affair, transaction, contingency.
EVIL—ill, harm, mischief, disaster, bane, calamity, catastrophe. (Good, benefit, advantage, boon.)
EXACT, a.—precise, literal, particular, correct.
EXAMINATION—investigation, inquiry, search, research, scrutiny, exploration, test, sitting, trial.
EXCEED—excel, outdo, transcend, surpass.
EXCEPTIONAL—uncommon, unusual, rare, extraordinary. (General, ordinary, regular, normal.)
EXCITE—urge, rouse, stir, awaken. (Assuage, calm, still, tranquilize.)
EXCURSION—tour, trip, expedition, ramble.
EXEMPT—free, absolved, cleared, discharged. (Implicated, included, bound, obliged.)
EXERCISE, n.—operation, practice, office, action, performance. (Stagnation, rest, stoppage.)
EXHAUSTIVE—complete, thorough, out-and-out.
EXIGENCY—predicament, emergency, crisis, push, pass, turning point, conjecture.
EXPRESS, v.—utter, tell, declare, signify.
EXTRAVAGANT—excessive, prodigal, profuse, wasteful, lavish, thriftless. (Penurious, stingy.)
FABLE—parable, tale, myth, romance. (Truth, fact, history, event, deed.)
FACE—aspect, visage, countenance.
FACETIOUS—pleasant, jocular. (Serious.)
FACTOR—manager, agent, officer.
FAIL—fall short, be deficient. (Accomplish.)
FAINT—feeble, languid. (Forcible.)
FAIR—clear. (Stormy.)
FAIR—equitable, honest, reasonable. (Unfair.)
FAITH—creed. (Unbelief, infidelity.)
FAITHFUL—true, loyal, constant. (Faithless.)
FAITHLESS—perfidious, treacherous. (Faithful.)
FALL—drop, droop, sink, tumble. (Rise.)
FAME—renown, reputation.
FAMOUS—celebrated, renowned. (Obscure.)
FANCIFUL—capricious, fantastical, whimsical.
FANCY—imagination.
FAST—rapid, quick, fleet, expeditious. (Slow.)
FATIGUE—weariness, lassitude. (Vigor.)
FEAR—timidity, timorousness. (Bravery.)
FEELING—sensation, sense.
FEELING—sensibility. (Insensibility.)
FEROCIOUS—fierce, savage, wild. (Mild.)
FERTILE—fruitful, prolific, plenteous. (Sterile.)
FICTION—falsehood, fabrication. (Fact.)
FIGURE—allegory, emblem, metaphor, symbol, picture, type.
FIND—descry, discover, espy. (Lose, overlook.)
FINE, a.—delicate, nice. (Coarse.)
FINE, n.—forfeit, forfeiture, mulct, penalty.
FIRE—glow, heat, warmth.
FIRM—constant, solid, steadfast, fixed. (Weak.)
FIRST—foremost, chief, earliest. (Last.)
FIT—accommodate, adapt, adjust, suit.
FIX—determine, establish, settle, limit.
FLAME—blaze, flare, flash, glare.
FLAT—level, even.
FLEXIBLE—pliant, pliable, ductile. (Inflexible.)
FLOURISH—prosper, thrive. (Decay.)
FLUCTUATING—wavering, hesitating, oscillating, vacillating, change. (Firm, steadfast, decided.)
FLUENT—flowing, glib, voluble, unembarrassed, ready. (Hesitating.)
FOLKS—persons, people, individuals.
FOLLOW—succeed, ensue, imitate, copy, pursue.
FOLLOWER—partisan, disciple, adherent, retainer, pursuer, successor.
FOLLY—silliness, foolishness, imbecility, weakness. (Wisdom.)
FOND—enamored, attached, affectionate. (Distant.)
FONDNESS—affection, attachment, kindness, love. (Aversion.)
FOOLHARDY—venturesome, incautious, hasty, adventurous, rash. (Cautious.)
FOOLISH—simple, silly, irrational, brainless, imbecile, crazy, absurd, preposterous, ridiculous, nonsensical. (Wise, discreet.)
FOP—dandy, dude, beau, coxcomb, puppy, jackanapes. (Gentleman.)
FORBEAR—abstain, refrain, withhold.
FORCE, n.—strength, vigor, dint, might, energy, power, violence, army, host.
FORCE, v.—compel. (Persuade.)
FORECAST—forethought, foresight, premeditation, prognostication.
FOREGO—quit, relinquish, let go, waive.
FOREGOING—antecedent, anterior, preceding, previous, prior, former.
FORERUNNER—herald, harbinger, precursor.
FORESIGHT—forethought, forecast, premeditation.
FORGE—coin, invent, frame, feign, fabricate.
FORGIVE—pardon, remit, absolve, acquit, excuse.
FORLORN—forsaken, abandoned, deserted, desolate, lone, lonesome.
FORM, n.—ceremony, solemnity, observance, rite, figure, shape, conformation, fashion, appearance, representation, semblance.
FORM, v.—make, create, produce, constitute, arrange, fashion, mould, shape.
FORMAL—ceremonious, precise, exact, stiff, methodical, affected. (Informal, natural.)
FORMER—antecedent, anterior, previous, prior, preceding, foregoing.
FORSAKEN—abandoned, forlorn, deserted, desolate, lone, lonesome.
FORTHWITH—immediately, directly, instantly, instantaneously. (Anon.)
FORTITUDE—endurance, resolution, fearlessness, dauntlessness. (Weakness.)
FORTUNATE—lucky, happy, auspicious, successful, prosperous. (Unfortunate.)
FORTUNE—chance, fate, luck, doom, possession, destiny, property, riches.
FOSTER—cherish, nurse, tend, harbor. (Neglect.)
FOUL—impure, nasty, filthy, dirty, unclean, defiled. (Pure, clean.)
FRACTIOUS—cross, captious, petulant, splenetic, touchy, testy, peevish, fretful. (Tractable.)
FRAGILE—brittle, frail, delicate, feeble. (Strong.)
FRAGMENTS—pieces, scraps, leavings, remnants, chips, remains.
FRAILTY—weakness, failing, foible, imperfection, fault, blemish. (Strength.)
FRAME, v.—construct, invent, coin, fabricate, feign, forge, mold, make, compose.
FRANCHISE—right, exemption, immunity, privilege, freedom, suffrage.
FRANK—artless, candid, sincere, free, easy, open, familiar, ingenious, plain. (Tricky, insincere.)
FRANTIC—distracted, furious, raving, frenzied, mad. (Quiet, subdued.)
FRAUD—deceit, deception, duplicity, guile, cheat, imposition. (Honesty.)
FREAK—fancy, humor, vagary, whim, caprice, crochet. (Purpose, resolution.)
FREE, a.—liberal, generous, bountiful, bounteous, munificent, frank, artless, candid, familiar, open, independent, unconfined, unreserved, unrestricted, exempt, clear, loose, easy, careless. (Slavish, stingy, artful, costly.)
FREE, v.—release, set free, deliver, rescue, liberate, enfranchise, affranchise, emancipate, exempt. (Enslave, bind.)
FREEDOM—liberty, independence, unrestraint, familiarity, franchise, exemption. (Slavery.)
FREQUENT—often, common, general. (Rare.)
FRET—gall, chafe, agitate, irritate, vex.
FRIENDLY—amicable, social, sociable. (Distant, reserved, cool.)
FRIGHTFUL—fearful, dreadful, dire, direful, awful, terrific, horrible, horrid.
FRIVOLOUS—trifling, trivial, petty. (Serious.)
FRUGAL—provident, economical, saving. (Wasteful, extravagant.)
FRUITFUL—fertile, prolific, productive, abundant, plentiful, plenteous. (Barren, sterile.)
FRUITLESS—vain, useless, idle, bootless, unavailing, without avail.
FRUSTRATE—defeat, foil, balk, disappoint.
FULFILL—accomplish, effect, complete.
FULLY—completely, abundantly, perfectly.
FULSOME—coarse, gross, sickening, offensive, rank. (Moderate.)
FURIOUS—violent, boisterous, vehement, dashing, sweeping, rolling, impetuous, frantic, distracted, stormy, angry, raging, fierce. (Calm.)
FUTILE—trifling, trivial, frivolous. (Effective.)
GAIN, n.—profit, emolument, advantage, benefit, winnings, earnings. (Loss.)
GAIN, v.—get, acquire, obtain, attain, procure, earn, win, achieve, reap, realize, reach. (Lose.)
GALLANT—brave, bold, courageous, gay, showy, fine, intrepid, fearless, heroic.
GALLING—chafing, irritating. (Soothing.)
GAME—play, pastime, diversion, amusement.
GANG—band, horde, company, troop, crew.
GAP—breach, chasm, hollow, cavity, cleft, crevice, rift, chink.
GARNISH—embellish, adorn, beautify, decorate.
GATHER—pick, cull, assemble, muster, infer, collect. (Scatter.)
GAUDY—showy, flashy, tawdry, gay, glittering, bespangled. (Sombre.)
GAUNT—emaciated, scraggy, skinny, meagre, lank, attenuated, spare, lean, thin. (Well-fed.)
GAY—cheerful, merry, lively, jolly, sprightly, blithe. (Solemn.)
GENERATE—form, make, beget, produce.
GENERATION—formation, race, breed, stock, kind, age, era.
GENEROUS—beneficent, noble, honorable, bountiful, liberal, free. (Niggardly.)
GENIAL—cordial, hearty, festive. (Distant, cold.)
GENIUS—intellect, invention, talent, taste, nature, character, adept.
GENTEEL—refined, polished, fashionable, polite, well-bred. (Boorish.)
GENTLE—placid, mild, bland, meek, tame, docile. (Rough, uncouth.)
GENUINE—real, true, unaffected. (False.)
GESTURE—attitude, action, posture.
GET—obtain, earn, gain, attain, procure, achieve.
GHASTLY—pallid, wan, hideous, grim, shocking.
GHOST—spectre, sprite, apparition, phantom.
GIBE—scoff, sneer, flout, jeer, mock, taunt, deride.
GIDDY—unsteady, thoughtless. (Steady.)
GIFT—donation, benefaction, grant, alms, gratuity, boon, present, faculty, talent. (Purchase.)
GIGANTIC—colossal, huge, enormous, prodigious, vast, immense. (Diminutive.)
GIVE—grant, bestow, confer, yield, impart.
GLAD—pleased, cheerful, joyful, gladsome, cheering, gratified. (Sad.)
GLEAM—glimmer, glance, glitter, shine, flash.
GLEE—gayety, merriment, mirth, joviality, joy, hilarity. (Sorrow.)
GLIDE—slip, slide, run, roll on.
GLIMMER, v.—gleam, flicker, glitter.
GLIMPSE—glance, look, glint.
GLITTER—gleam, shine, glisten, glister, radiate.
GLOOM—cloud, darkness, dimness, blackness, dullness, sadness. (Light, brightness, joy.)
GLOOMY—lowering, lurid, dim, dusky, sad, glum. (Bright, clear.)
GLORIFY—magnify, celebrate, adore, exalt.
GLORIOUS—famous, renowned, distinguished, exalted, noble. (Infamous.)
GLORY—honor, fame, renown, splendor, grandeur. (Infamy.)
GLUT—gorge, stuff, cram, cloy, satiate, block up.
GO—depart, proceed, move, budge, stir.
GOD—Creator, Lord, Almighty, Jehovah, Omnipotence, Providence.
GODLY—righteous, devout, holy, pious, religious.
GOOD—benefit, weal, advantage, profit. (Evil.)
GOOD, a.—virtuous, righteous, upright, just, true. (Wicked, bad.)
GORGE—glut, fill, cram, stuff, satiate.
GORGEOUS—superb, grand, magnificent, splendid. (Plain, simple.)
GOVERN—rule, direct, manage, command.
GOVERNMENT—rule, state, control, sway.
GRACEFUL—becoming, comely, elegant, beautiful. (Awkward.)
GRACIOUS—merciful, kindly, beneficent.
GRADUAL—slow, progressive. (Sudden.)
GRAND—majestic, stately, dignified, lofty, elevated, exalted, splendid, gorgeous, superb, magnificent, sublime, pompous. (Shabby.)
GRANT—bestow, impart, give, yield, cede, allow, confer, invest.
GRANT—gift, boon, donation.
GRAPHIC—forcible, telling, picturesque, pictorial.
GRASP—catch, seize, gripe, clasp, grapple.
GRATEFUL—agreeable, pleasing, welcome, thankful. (Harsh.)
GRATIFICATION—enjoyment, pleasure, delight, reward. (Disappointment.)
GRAVE, a.—serious, sedate, solemn, sober, pressing, heavy. (Giddy.)
GRAVE, n.—tomb, sepulchre, vault.
GREAT—big, huge, large, majestic, vast, grand, noble, august. (Small.)
GREEDINESS—avidity, eagerness. (Generosity.)
GRIEF—affliction, sorrow, trial, tribulation. (Joy.)
GRIEVE—mourn, lament, sorrow, pain, wound, hurt, bewail. (Rejoice.)
GRIEVOUS—painful, afflicting, heavy, unhappy.
GRIND—crush, oppress, grate, harass, afflict.
GRISLY—terrible, hideous, grim, ghastly, dreadful. (Pleasing.)
GROSS—coarse, outrageous, unseemly, shameful, indelicate. (Delicate.)
GROUP—assembly, cluster, collection, clump, order.
GROVEL—crawl, cringe, fawn, sneak.
GROW—increase, vegetate, expand, advance. (Decay, diminution.)
GROWL—grumble, snarl, murmur, complain.
GRUDGE—malice, rancor, spite, pique, hatred.
GRUFF—rough, rugged, blunt, rude, harsh, surly, bearish. (Pleasant.)
GUILE—deceit, fraud. (Candor.)
GUILTLESS—harmless, innocent.
GUILTY—culpable, sinful, criminal.
HABIT—custom, practice.
HAIL—accost, address, greet, salute, welcome.
HAPPINESS—beatitude, blessedness, bliss, felicity. (Unhappiness.)
HARBOR—haven, port.
HARD—firm, solid. (Soft.)
HARD—arduous, difficult. (Easy.)
HARM—injury, hurt, wrong, infliction. (Benefit.)
HARMLESS—safe, innocuous, innocent. (Hurtful.)
HARSH—rough, rigorous, severe, gruff. (Gentle.)
HASTEN—accelerate, dispatch, expedite. (Delay.)
HASTY—hurried, ill-advised. (Deliberate.)
HATEFUL—odious, detestable. (Lovable.)
HATRED—enmity, ill-will, rancor. (Friendship.)
HAUGHTINESS—arrogance, pride. (Modesty.)
HAUGHTY—arrogant, disdainful, supercilious.
HAZARD—risk, venture.
HEALTHY—salubrious, salutary. (Unhealthy.)
HEAP—accumulate, amass, pile.
HEARTY—cordial, sincere, warm. (Insincere.)
HEAVY—burdensome, ponderous. (Light.)
HEED—care, attention.
HEIGHTEN—enhance, exalt, elevate, raise.
HEINOUS—atrocious, flagrant. (Venial.)
HELP—aid, assist, relieve, succor. (Hinder.)
HERETIC—sectary, sectarian, schismatic, dissenter, non-conformist.
HESITATE—falter, stammer, stutter.
HIDEOUS—grim, ghastly, grisly. (Beautiful.)
HIGH—lofty, tall, elevated. (Deep.)
HINDER—impede, obstruct, prevent. (Help.)
HINT—allude, refer, suggest, intimate, insinuate.
HOLD—detain, keep, retain.
HOLINESS—sanctity, piety, sacredness.
HOLY—devout, pious, religious.
HOMELY—plain, ugly, coarse. (Beautiful.)
HONESTY—integrity, probity, uprightness. (Dishonesty.)
HONOR, v.—respect, reverence. (Dishonor.)
HOPE—confidence, expectation, trust.
HOPELESS—desperate.
HOT—ardent, burning, fiery. (Cold.)
HOWEVER—nevertheless, notwithstanding, yet.
HUMBLE—modest, submissive, plain, unostentatious, simple. (Haughty.)
HUMBLE—degrade, humiliate, mortify. (Exalt.)
HUMOR—mood, temper.
HUNT—seek, chase.
HURTFUL—noxious, pernicious. (Beneficial.)
HUSBANDRY—cultivation, tillage.
HYPOCRITE—dissembler, imposter, canter.
HYPOTHESIS—theory, supposition.
IDEA—thought, imagination.
IDEAL—imaginary, fancied. (Actual.)
IDLE—indolent, lazy. (Industrious.)
IGNOMINIOUS—shameful, scandalous, infamous. (Honorable.)
IGNOMINY—shame, disgrace, obloquy, reproach.
IGNORANT—unlearned, illiterate, uninformed, uneducated. (Knowing.)
ILL, n.—evil, wickedness, misfortune, mischief, harm. (Good.)
ILL, a.—sick, indisposed, diseased. (Well.)
ILL-TEMPERED—crabbed, sour, acrimonious, surly. (Good-natured.)
ILL-WILL—enmity, antipathy. (Good-will.)
ILLEGAL—unlawful, illicit, contraband, illegitimate. (Legal.)
ILLIMITABLE—boundless, immeasurable, infinite.
ILLITERATE—unlettered, unlearned, untaught, uninstructed. (Learned, educated.)
ILLUSION—fallacy, deception, phantasm.
ILLUSORY—imaginary, chimerical. (Real.)
ILLUSTRATE—explain, elucidate, clear.
ILLUSTRIOUS—celebrated, noble, eminent, famous, renowned. (Obscure.)
IMAGE—likeness, picture, representation, effigy.
IMAGINARY—ideal, fanciful, illusory. (Real.)
IMAGINE—conceive, fancy, apprehend, think.
IMBECILITY—silliness, senility, dotage.
IMITATE—copy, ape, mimic, mock, counterfeit.
IMMACULATE—unspotted, spotless, unsullied, stainless. (Soiled.)
IMMEDIATE—pressing, instant, next, proximate.
IMMEDIATELY—instantly, forthwith, directly.
IMMENSE—vast, enormous, huge, prodigious.
IMMUNITY—privilege, prerogative, exemption.
IMPAIR—injure, diminish, decrease.
IMPART—reveal, divulge, disclose, discover, afford.
IMPARTIAL—just, equitable, unbiased. (Partial.)
IMPASSIONED—glowing, burning, fiery, intense.
IMPEACH—accuse, charge, arraign, censure.
IMPEDE—hinder, retard, obstruct. (Help.)
IMPEDIMENT—obstruction, hindrance, obstacle, barrier. (Aid.)
IMPEL—animate, induce, incite, instigate, embolden. (Retard.)
IMPENDING—imminent, threatening.
IMPERATIVE—commanding, authoritative.
IMPERFECTION—fault, blemish, defect, vice.
IMPERIL—endanger, hazard, jeopardize.
IMPERIOUS—commanding, dictatorial, imperative, authoritative, lordly, overbearing, domineering.
IMPERTINENT—intrusive, meddling, officious, rude, saucy, impudent, insolent.
IMPETUOUS—violent, boisterous, furious, vehement. (Calm.)
IMPIOUS—profane, irreligious. (Reverent.)
IMPLICATE—involve, entangle, embarrass.
IMPLY—involve, comprise, infold, import, denote.
IMPORTANCE—signification, significance, avail, consequence, weight, gravity, moment.
IMPOSING—impressive, striking, majestic, august, noble, grand. (Insignificant.)
IMPOTENCE—weakness, incapacity, infirmity, frailty, feebleness. (Power.)
IMPOTENT—weak, feeble, helpless, enfeebled, nerveless, infirm. (Strong.)
IMPRESSIVE—stirring, forcible, exciting, moving.
IMPRISON—incarcerated, shut up, immure, confine. (Liberate.)
IMPRISONMENT—captivity, durance.
IMPROVE—amend, better, mend, reform, rectify, ameliorate, apply, use, employ. (Deteriorate.)
IMPROVIDENT—careless, incautious, imprudent, prodigal, wasteful, reckless, rash. (Thrifty.)
IMPUDENCE—assurance, impertinence, confidence, insolence, rudeness.
IMPUDENT—saucy, brazen, bold, impertinent, forward, rude, insolent, immodest, shameless.
IMPULSE—incentive, incitement, instigation.
IMPULSIVE—rash, hasty, forcible. (Deliberate.)
IMPUTATION—blame, censure, reproach, charge.
INADVERTENCY—error, oversight, blunder, inattention, carelessness, negligence.
INCENTIVE—motive, inducement, impulse.
INCITE—instigate, excite, provoke, stimulate, urge, encourage, impel.
INCLINATION—leaning, slope, disposition, bent, tendency, bias, affection, attachment, wish, liking, desire. (Aversion.)
INCLINE, v.—slope, lean, slant, tend, bend, turn, bias, dispose.
INCLOSE—surround, shut in, fence in, cover, wrap.
INCLUDE—comprehend, comprise, contain, take in, embrace.
INCOMMODE—annoy, plague, molest, disturb, inconvenience, trouble. (Accommodate.)
INCOMPETENT—incapable, unable, inadequate.
INCREASE, v.—extend, enlarge, augment, dilate, expand, amplify, raise, enhance, aggravate, magnify, grow. (Diminish.)
INCREASE, n.—augmentation, accession, addition, enlargement, extension. (Decrease.)
INCUMBENT—obligatory.
INDEFINITE—vague, uncertain, unsettled, loose, lax. (Definite.)
INDICATE—point out, show, mark.
INDIFFERENCE—apathy, carelessness, listlessness, insensibility. (Application, assiduity.)
INDIGENCE—want, neediness, penury, poverty, destitution, privation. (Affluence.)
INDIGNATION—anger, wrath, ire, resentment.
INDIGNITY—insult, affront, outrage, opprobrium, obloquy, reproach, ignominy. (Honor.)
INDISCRIMINATE—promiscuous, chance, indistinct, confused. (Select, chosen.)
INDISPENSABLE—essential, necessary, requisite, expedient. (Unnecessary, supernumerary.)
INDISPUTABLE—undeniable, undoubted, incontestable, indubitable, unquestionable, infallible.
INDORSE—ratify, confirm, superscribe.
INDULGE—foster, cherish, fondle. (Deny.)
INEFFECTUAL—vain, useless, unavailing, fruitless, abortive, inoperative. (Effective.)
INEQUALITY—disparity, disproportion, dissimilarity, unevenness. (Equality.)
INEVITABLE—unavoidable, not to be avoided.
INFAMOUS—scandalous, shameful, ignominious, opprobrious, disgraceful. (Honorable.)
INFERENCE—deduction, corollary, conclusion.
INFERNAL—diabolical, fiendish, devilish, hellish.
INFEST—annoy, plague, harass, disturb.
INFIRM—weak, feeble, enfeebled. (Robust.)
INFLAME—anger, irritate, enrage, chafe, incense, nettle, aggravate, embitter, exasperate. (Allay.)
INFLUENCE, v.—bias, sway, prejudice, preposess.
INFLUENCE, n.—credit, favor, reputation, weight, character, authority, sway, ascendancy.
INFRINGE—invade, intrude, contravene, break, transgress, violate.
INGENUOUS—artless, candid, generous, sincere, open, frank, plain. (Crafty.)
INHUMAN—cruel, brutal, savage, barbarous, ruthless, merciless, ferocious. (Humane.)
INIQUITY—injustice, wrong, grievance.
INJURE—damage, hurt, deteriorate, wrong, spoil, aggrieve, harm, mar, sully. (Benefit.)
INJURIOUS—hurtful, baneful, pernicious, deleterious, noxious, prejudicial, wrongful. (Beneficial.)
INJUSTICE—wrong, iniquity, grievance. (Right.)
INNOCENT—guiltless, sinless, harmless, inoffensive, innoxious. (Guilty.)
INNOCUOUS—harmless, safe, innocent. (Hurtful.)
INORDINATE—intemperate, irregular, disorderly, excessive, immoderate. (Moderate.)
INQUIRY—investigation, examination, research, scrutiny, disquisition, question, interrogation.
INQUISITIVE—prying, peeping, curious, peering.
INSANE—deranged, delirious, demented. (Sane.)
INSANITY—madness, mental aberration, lunacy, delirium. (Sanity.)
INSINUATE—hint, intimate, suggest, infuse, introduce, ingratiate.
INSIPID—dull, flat, mawkish, tasteless, inanimate, vapid, lifeless. (Bright, sparkling.)
INSOLENT—rude, saucy, impertinent, abusive, pert, scurrilous, opprobrious, insulting, offensive.
INSPIRE—animate, exhilarate, enliven, breathe, cheer, inhale.
INSTABILITY—mutability, fickleness, mutableness, wavering. (Stability, firmness.)
INSTIGATE—stir up, persuade, animate, stimulate, incite, urge, encourage.
INSTIL—implant, inculcate, infuse, insinuate.
INSTRUCT—inform, teach, educate, enlighten.
INSTRUMENTAL—conducive, assistant, helping.
INSUFFICIENCY—incompetency, incapability, inadequacy, deficiency, lack.
INSULT—affront, outrage, indignity. (Honor.)
INSULTING—insolent, impertinent, abusive, rude.
INTEGRITY—uprightness, honesty, completeness, probity, entirety, entireness, purity. (Dishonesty.)
INTELLECT—understanding, sense, brains, mind, intelligence, ability, talent, genius. (Body.)
INTELLECTUAL—mental, metaphysical. (Brutal.)
INTELLIGIBLE—clear, obvious, plain. (Abstruse.)
INTEMPERATE—immoderate, excessive, drunken, nimious, inordinate. (Temperate.)
INTENSE—ardent, earnest, glowing, fervid, burning, vehement.
INTENT—design, purpose, intention, drift, view, aim, purport, meaning.
INTERCOURSE—commerce, connection, intimacy.
INTERDICT—forbid, prohibit, inhibit, proscribe, debar, restrain from. (Allow.)
INTERFERE—meddle, intermeddle, interpose.
INTERMINABLE—endless, interminate, infinite, unlimited, illimitable, boundless. (Brief.)
INTERPOSE—intercede, arbitrate, mediate, interfere, meddle.
INTERPRET—explain, expound, elucidate, unfold.
INTIMATE—hint, suggest, insinuate, express, tell, signify, impart.
INTIMIDATE—dishearten, alarm, frighten, scare, appal, daunt, cow, browbeat. (Encourage.)
INTOLERABLE—insufferable, unbearable, insupportable, unendurable.
INTREPID—bold, brave, daring, fearless, dauntless, undaunted, courageous, valorous, valiant, heroic, gallant, chivalrous, doughty. (Cowardly, faint-hearted.)
INTRIGUE—plot, cabal, conspiracy, combination, artifice, ruse, amour.
INTRINSIC—real, true, genuine, sterling, native, natural. (Extrinsic.)
INVALIDATE—quash, cancel, overthrow, vacate, nullify, annul.
INVASION—incursion, irruption, inroad, aggression, raid, fray.
INVECTIVE—abuse, reproach, railing, censure, sarcasm, satire.
INVENT—devise, contrive, frame, find out, discover.
INVESTIGATION—examination, search, inquiry, research, scrutiny.
INVETERATE—confirmed, chronic, malignant. (Inchoate.)
INVIDIOUS—envious, hateful, odious, malignant.
INVIGORATE—brace, harden, nerve, strengthen, fortify. (Enervate.)
INVINCIBLE—unconquerable, impregnable, insurmountable.
INVISIBLE—unseen, imperceptible, impalpable.
INVITE—ask, call, bid, request, allure, attract.
INVOKE—invocate, call upon, appeal, refer, implore, beseech.
INVOLVE—implicate, entangle, compromise.
IRKSOME—wearisome, tiresome, tedious, annoying. (Pleasant.)
IRONY—sarcasm, satire, ridicule, raillery.
IRRATIONAL—foolish, silly, imbecile, brutish, absurd, ridiculous. (Rational.)
IRREGULAR—eccentric, anomalous, inordinate, intemperate. (Regular.)
IRRELIGIOUS—profane, godless, impious, sacrilegious, desecrating.
IRREPROACHABLE—blameless, spotless.
IRRESISTIBLE—resistless, irrepressible.
IRRESOLUTE—wavering, undetermined, undecided, vacillating. (Determined.)
IRRITABLE—excitable, irascible, susceptible, sensitive. (Calm.)
IRRITATE—aggravate, worry, embitter, madden.
ISSUE, v.—emerge, rise, proceed, flow, spring.
ISSUE, n.—end, upshot, effect, result, offspring.
JADE—harass, weary, tire, worry.
JANGLE—wrangle, conflict, disagree.
JARRING—conflicting, discordant, inconsonant.
JAUNT—ramble, excursion, trip.
JEALOUSY—suspicion, envy.
JEOPARD—hazard, peril, endanger.
JEST—joke, sport, divert, make game of.
JOURNEY—travel, tour, passage.
JOY—gladness, mirth, delight. (Grief.)
JUDGE—justice, referee, arbitrator.
JOYFUL—glad, rejoicing, exultant. (Mournful.)
JUDGMENT—discernment, discrimination.
JUSTICE—equity, right. Justice is right as established by law; equity according to the circumstances of each particular case. (Injustice.)
JUSTNESS—accuracy, correctness, precision.
KEEP—preserve, save. (Abandon.)
KILL—assassinate, murder, slay.
KINDRED—affinity, consanguinity, relationship.
KNOWLEDGE—erudition, learning. (Ignorance.)
LABOR—toil, work, effort, drudgery. (Idleness.)
LACK—need, deficiency, scarcity, insufficiency. (Plenty.)
LAMENT—mourn, grieve, weep. (Rejoice.)
LANGUAGE—dialect, idiom, speech, tongue.
LASCIVIOUS—loose, unchaste, lustful, lewd, lecherous. (Chaste.)
LAST—final, latest, ultimate. (First.)
LAUDABLE—commendable. (Blamable.)
LAUGHABLE—comical, droll, ludicrous. (Serious.)
LAWFUL—legal, legitimate, licit. (Illegal.)
LEAD—conduct, guide. (Follow.)
LEAN—meager. (Fat.)
LEARNED—erudite, scholarly. (Ignorant.)
LEAVE, v.—quit, relinquish.
LEAVE, n.—liberty, permission. (Prohibition.)
LIFE—existence, animation, spirit. (Death.)
LIFELESS—dead, inanimate.
LIFT—erect, elevate, exalt, raise. (Lower.)
LIGHT—clear, bright. (Dark.)
LIGHTNESS—flightiness, giddiness, levity, volatility. (Seriousness.)
LIKENESS—resemblance, similarity. (Unlikeness.)
LINGER—lag, loiter, tarry, saunter. (Hasten.)
LITTLE—diminutive, small. (Great.)
LIVELIHOOD—living, maintenance, subsistence.
LIVELY—jocund, merry, sportive, sprightly, vivacious. (Slow, languid, sluggish.)
LONG—extended, extensive. (Short.)
LOOK—appear, seem, aspect, glance, peep.
LOSE—miss, forfeit. (Gain.)
LOSS—detriment, damage, deprivation. (Gain.)
LOUD—clamorous, high-sounding, noisy. (Low, quiet.)
LOVE—affection. (Hatred.)
LOW—abject, mean. (Noble.)
LUNACY—derangement, insanity, mania, madness. (Sanity.)
LUSTER—brightness, brilliancy, splendor.
LUXURIANT—exuberant. (Sparse.)
MACHINATION—plot, intrigue, cabal, conspiracy. (Artlessness.)
MAD—crazy, delirious, insane, rabid, violent, frantic. (Sane, rational, quiet.)
MADNESS—insanity, fury, rage, frenzy.
MAGISTERIAL—august, dignified, majestic, pompous, stately.
MAKE—form, create, produce. (Destroy.)
MALEDICTION—anathema, curse, imprecation.
MALEVOLENT—malicious, virulent, malignant. (Benevolent.)
MALICE—spite, rancor, ill-feeling, grudge, animosity, ill-will. (Benignity.)
MALICIOUS—see malevolent.
MANACLE, v.—shackle, fetter, chain. (Free.)
MANAGE—contrive, concert, direct.
MANAGEMENT—direction, superintendence, care.
MANGLE—tear, lacerate, mutilate, cripple, maim.
MANIA—madness, insanity, lunacy.
MANIFEST, v.—reveal, prove, evince, exhibit, display, show.
MANIFEST, a.—clear, plain, evident, open, apparent, visible. (Hidden, occult.)
MANIFOLD—several, sundry, various, divers.
MANLY—masculine, vigorous, courageous, brave, heroic. (Effeminate.)
MANNER—habit, custom, way, air, look.
MANNERS—morals, habits, behavior, carriage.
MAR—spoil, ruin, disfigure. (Improve.)
MARCH—tramp, tread, walk, step, space.
MARGIN—edge, rim, border, brink, verge.
MARK, n.—sign, note, symptom, token, indication, trace, vestige, track, badge, brand.
MARK, v.—impress, print, stamp, engrave, note.
MARRIAGE—wedding, nuptials, matrimony.
MARTIAL—military, warlike, soldierlike.
MARVEL—wonderful, miracle, prodigy.
MARVELOUS—wondrous, wonderful, miraculous.
MASSIVE—bulky, heavy, weighty, ponderous, solid, substantial. (Flimsy.)
MASTERY—dominion, rule, sway, ascendancy.
MATCHLESS—unrivaled, unequaled, unparalleled, peerless, incomparable, inimitable, surpassing. (Common, ordinary.)
MATERIAL, a.—corporeal, bodily, physical, temporal, momentous. (Spiritual, immaterial.)
MAXIM—adage, apothegm, proverb, saying, byword, saw.
MEAGER—poor, lank, emaciated, barren, dry, uninteresting. (Rich.)
MEAN, a.—stingy, niggardly, low, abject, vile, ignoble, degraded, contemptible, vulgar, despicable. (Generous.)
MEAN, v.—design, purpose, intend, contemplate, signify, denote, indicate.
MEANING—signification, import, acceptation, sense, purport.
MEDIUM—organ, channel, instrument, means.
MEDLEY—mixture, variety, diversity, miscellany.
MEEK—unassuming, mild, gentle. (Proud.)
MELANCHOLY—low-spirited, dispirited, dreamy, sad. (Jolly, buoyant.)
MELLOW—ripe, mature, soft. (Immature.)
MELODIOUS—tuneful, musical, silver, dulcet, sweet. (Discordant.)
MEMORABLE—signal, distinguished, marked.
MEMORIAL—monument, memento.
MEMORY—remembrance, recollection.
MENACE, n.—threat.
MEND—repair, amend, correct, better, ameliorate, improve, rectify.
MENTION—tell, name, communicate, impart, divulge, reveal, disclose, inform, acquaint.
MERCIFUL—compassionate, lenient, clement, tender, gracious, kind. (Cruel.)
MERCILESS—hard-hearted, cruel, unmerciful, pitiless, remorseless, unrelenting. (Kind.)
MERRIMENT—mirth, joviality, jollity. (Sorrow.)
MERRY—cheerful, mirthful, joyous, gay, lively, sprightly, hilarious, blithe, blithesome, jovial, sportive, jolly. (Sad.)
METAPHORICAL—figurative, allegorical.
METHOD—way, manner, mode, process, order, rule, regularity, system.
MIEN—air, look, manner, aspect, appearance.
MIGRATORY—roving, strolling, wandering, vagrant. (Settled, sedate, permanent.)
MIMIC—imitate, ape, mock.
MINDFUL—observant, attentive. (Heedless.)
MISCELLANEOUS—promiscuous, indiscriminate.
MISCHIEF—injury, harm, damage, hurt. (Benefit.)
MISCREANT—caitiff, villain, ruffian.
MISERABLE—unhappy, wretched, distressed, afflicted. (Happy.)
MISERLY—stingy, niggardly, avaricious, griping.
MISERY—wretchedness, woe, destitution, penury, privation, beggary. (Happiness.)
MISFORTUNE—calamity, disaster, mishap, catastrophe. (Good luck.)
MISS—omit, lose, fall, miscarry.
MITIGATE—alleviate, relieve, abate. (Aggravate.)
MODERATE—temperate, abstemious, sober, abstinent. (Immoderate.)
MODEST—chaste, virtuous, bashful. (Immodest.)
MOIST—wet, damp, dank, humid. (Dry.)
MONOTONOUS—unvaried, tiresome. (Varied.)
MONSTROUS—shocking, dreadful, horrible, huge.
MONUMENT—memorial, record, remembrancer.
MOOD—humor, disposition, vein, temper.
MORBID—sick, ailing, sickly, diseased, corrupted. (Normal, sound.)
MOROSE—gloomy, sullen, surly, fretful, crabbed, crusty. (Joyous.)
MORTAL—deadly, fatal, human.
MOTION—proposition, proposal, movement.
MOTIONLESS—still, stationary, torpid, stagnant. (Active, moving.)
MOUNT—arise, rise, ascend, soar, tower, climb.
MOURNFUL—sad, sorrowful, lugubrious, grievous, doleful, heavy. (Happy.)
MOVE—actuate, impel, induce, prompt, instigate, persuade, stir, agitate, propel, push.
MULTITUDE—crowd, throng, host, mob, swarm.
MURDER, v.—kill, assassinate, slay, massacre.
MUSE, v.—meditate, contemplate, think, reflect, cogitate, ponder.
MUSIC—harmony, melody, symphony.
MUSICAL—tuneful, melodious, harmonious, sweet.
MUSTY—stale, sour, fetid. (Fresh, sweet.)
MUTE—dumb, silent, speechless.
MUTILATE—maim, cripple, disable, disfigure.
MUTINOUS—insurgent, seditious, tumultuous, turbulent, riotous. (Obedient, orderly.)
MUTUAL—reciprocal, interchanged, correlative. (Sole, solitary.)
MYSTERIOUS—dark, obscure, hidden, secret, dim, mystic, enigmatical, unaccountable. (Open, clear.)
MYSTIFY—confuse, perplex. (Clear, explain.)
NAKED—nude, bare, uncovered, unclothed, rough, rude, simple. (Covered, clad.)
NAME, v.—denominate, entitle, style, designate, term, call, christen.
NAME, n.—appellation, designation, denomination, title, cognomen, reputation, character, fame, credit, repute.
NARRATE—tell, relate, detail, recount, describe, enumerate, rehearse, recite.
NASTY—filthy, foul, dirty, unclean, impure, gross, indecent, vile.
NATION—people, community, realm, state.
NATIVE—indigenous, inborn, vernacular.
NATURAL—original, regular, normal, bastard. (Unnatural, forced.)
NEAR—nigh, neighboring, close, adjacent, contiguous, intimate. (Distant.)
NECESSARY—needful, expedient, essential, indispensable, requisite. (Useless.)
NECESSITATE—compel, force, oblige.
NECESSITY—need, occasion, exigency, emergency, urgency, requisite.
NEED, n.—necessity, distress, poverty, indigence, want, penury.
NEED, v.—require, want, lack.
NEGLECT, v.—disregard, slight, omit, overlook.
NEGLECT, n.—omission, failure, default, slight, negligence, remissness, carelessness.
NEIGHBORHOOD—environs, vicinity, nearness, adjacency, proximity.
NERVOUS—timid, timorous, shaky.
NEW—fresh, recent, novel. (Old.)
NEWS—tidings, intelligence, information.
NICE—exact, accurate, good, particular, precise, fine, delicate. (Careless, coarse, unpleasant.)
NIMBLE—active, brisk, lively, alert, quick, agile, prompt. (Awkward.)
NOBILITY—aristocracy, greatness, grandeur.
NOBLE—exalted, elevated, illustrious, great, grand, lofty. (Low.)
NOISE—cry, outcry, clamor, row, din, uproar, tumult. (Silence.)
NONSENSICAL—irrational, absurd, silly, foolish. (Sensible.)
NOTABLE—plain, evident, remarkable, striking, signal, rare. (Obscure.)
NOTE, n.—token, symbol, mark, sign, indication, remark, comment.
NOTED—distinguished, remarkable, eminent, renowned. (Obscure.)
NOTICE, n.—advice, notification, intelligence.
NOTICE, v.—mark, note, observe, attend to, heed.
NOTIFY, v.—publish, acquaint, apprise, inform.
NOTION—conception, idea, belief, opinion.
NOTORIOUS—conspicuous, open, obvious, ill-famed. (Unknown.)
NOURISH—nurture, cherish, foster, supply. (Starve, famish.)
NOURISHMENT—food, diet, sustenance, nutrition.
NOVEL—modern, new, fresh, recent, unused, rare, strange. (Old.)
NOXIOUS—hurtful, deadly poisonous, deleterious, baneful. (Beneficial.)
NULLIFY—annul, vacate, invalidate, quash, cancel, repeal. (Affirm.)
NUTRITION—food, diet, nutriment, nourishment.
OBDURATE—hard, callous, hardened, unfeeling, insensible. (Yielding, tractable.)
OBEDIENT—compliant, submissive, dutiful, respectful. (Obstinate.)
OBESE—corpulent, fat, adipose. (Attenuated.)
OBEY, v.—conform, comply, submit. (Rebel.)
OBJECT, n.—aim, end, purpose, design, mark.
OBJECT, v.—oppose, except to, contravene, impeach, deprecate. (Assent.)
OBNOXIOUS—offensive. (Agreeable.)
OBSCURE—undistinguished, unknown. (Distinguished.)
OBSTINATE—contumacious, headstrong, stubborn, obdurate. (Yielding.)
OCCASION—opportunity.
OFFENCE—affront, misdeed, misdemeanor, transgression, trespass.
OFFENSIVE—insolent, abusive. (Inoffensive.)
OFFICE—charge, function, place.
OFFSPRING—issue, progeny, children, posterity.
OLD—aged, superannuated, ancient, antique, antiquated, obsolete, old-fashioned. (Young, new.)
OMEN—presage, prognostic.
OPAQUE—dark. (Bright, transparent.)
OPEN—candid, unreserved, clear, fair. (Hidden.)
OPINION—notion, view, judgment, sentiment.
OPINIONATED—conceited, egotistical. (Modest.)
OPPOSE—resist, withstand, thwart. (Give way.)
OPTION—choice.
ORDER—method, system, regularity. (Disorder.)
ORIGIN—cause, occasion, beginning. (End.)
OUTLIVE—survive.
OUTWARD—external, outside, exterior. (Inner.)
OVER—above. (Under.)
OVERBALANCE—outweigh, preponderate.
OVERBEAR—bear down, overwhelm, overpower.
OVERBEARING—haughty, arrogant. (Gentle.)
OVERFLOW—inundation, deluge.
OVERRULE—supersede, suppress.
OVERSPREAD—overrun, ravage.
OVERTURN—invert, overthrow, reverse, subvert. (Establish, fortify.)
OVERWHELM—crush, defeat, vanquish.
PAIN—suffering, qualm, pang, agony, anguish. (Pleasure.)
PALLID—pale, wan. (Florid.)
PART—division, portion, share, fraction. (Whole.)
PARTICULAR—exact, distinct, singular, strange, odd. (General.)
PATIENT—passive, submissive. (Obdurate.)
PEACE—calm, quiet, tranquility. (War, trouble, riot, turbulence.)
PEACEABLE—pacific, peaceful, quiet. (Troublesome, riotous.)
PENETRATE—bore, pierce, perforate.
PENETRATION—acuteness, sagacity. (Dullness.)
PEOPLE—nation, persons, folks.
PERCEIVE—note, observe, discern, distinguish.
PERCEPTION—conception, notion, idea.
PERIL—danger, pitfall, snare. (Safety.)
PERMIT—allow, tolerate. (Forbid.)
PERSUADE—allure, entice, prevail upon.
PHYSICAL—corporeal, bodily, material. (Mental.)
PICTURE—engraving, print, representation, illustration, image.
PITEOUS—doleful, woeful, rueful. (Joyful.)
PITILESS—see merciless.
PITY—compassion, sympathy. (Cruelty.)
PLACE, n.—spot, site, position, post, situation.
PLACE, v.—order, dispose.
PLAIN—open, manifest, evident. (Secret.)
PLAY—game, sport, amusement. (Work.)
PLEASE—gratify, pacify. (Displease.)
PLEASURE—charm, delight, joy. (Pain.)
PLENTIFUL—abundant, ample, copious, plenteous. (Scarce.)
POISE—balance, equilibrium, evenness.
POSITIVE—absolute, peremptory, decided, certain. (Negative, undecided.)
POSSESSOR—owner, proprietor.
POSSIBLE—practical, practicable. (Impossible.)
POVERTY—penury, indigence, need. (Wealth.)
POWER—authority, force, strength, dominion.
POWERFUL—mighty, potent. (Weak.)
PRAISE—commend, extol, laud. (Blame.)
PRAYER—entreaty, petition, request, suit.
PRETENCE, n.—pretext, subterfuge.
PREVAILING—predominant, prevalent, general. (Isolated, sporadic.)
PREVENT—obviate, preclude.
PREVIOUS—antecedent, introductory, preparatory, preliminary. (Subsequent.)
PRIDE—vanity, conceit. (Humility.)
PRINCIPALLY—chiefly, essentially, mainly.
PRINCIPLE—ground, reason, motive, impulse, maxim, rule, rectitude, integrity.
PRIVILEGE—immunity, advantage, favor, claim, prerogative, exemption, right.
PROBITY—rectitude, uprightness, honesty, integrity, sincerity, soundness. (Dishonesty.)
PROBLEMATICAL—uncertain, doubtful, dubious, questionable, disputable, suspicious. (Certain.)
PRODIGIOUS—huge, enormous, vast, amazing, astonishing, astounding, surprising, remarkable, wonderful. (Insignificant.)
PROFESSION—business, trade, occupation, office, vocation, employment, engagement, avowal.
PROFFER—volunteer, offer, propose, tender.
PROFLIGATE—abandoned, dissolute, depraved, vicious, degenerate, corrupt. (Virtuous.)
PROFOUND—deep, fathomless, penetrating, recondite, solemn, abstruse. (Shallow.)
PROFUSE—extravagant, prodigal, lavish, copious, improvident, excessive, plentiful. (Succinct.)
PROLIFIC—productive, generative, fertile, fruitful, teeming. (Barren.)
PROLIX—diffuse, long, prolonged, tedious, wordy, tiresome, verbose, prosaic. (Concise, brief.)
PROMINENT—eminent, conspicuous, marked, important, leading. (Obscure.)
PROMISCUOUS—mixed, unarranged, mingled, indiscriminate. (Select.)
PROMPT—See punctual.
PROP, v.—maintain, sustain, support, stay.
PROPAGATE—spread, circulate, diffuse, disseminate, extend, breed, increase. (Suppress.)
PROPER—legitimate, right, just, fair, equitable, honest, suitable, fit, adapted, meet, becoming, befitting, decent, pertinent. (Wrong.)
PROSPER—flourish, succeed, grow rich, thrive, advance. (Fail.)
PROSPERITY—well-being, weal, welfare, happiness, good luck. (Poverty.)
PROXY—agent, representative, substitute, deputy.
PRUDENCE—carefulness, judgment, discretion, wisdom. (Indiscretion.)
PRURIENT—itching, craving, hankering, longing.
PUERILE—youthful, juvenile, boyish, childish, infantile, trifling, weak, silly. (Mature.)
PUNCTILIOUS—nice, particular, formal, precise. (Negligent.)
PUNCTUAL—exact, precise, nice, particular prompt, timely. (Dilatory.)
PUTREFY—rot, decompose, corrupt, decay.
PUZZLE, v.—perplex, confound, embarrass, pose, bewilder, confuse, mystify. (Enlighten.)
QUACK—imposter, pretender, charlatan, empiric, mountebank. (Savant.)
QUAINT—artful, curious, far-fetched, fanciful, odd.
QUALIFIED—competent, fitted. (Incompetent.)
QUALITY—attribute, rank, distinction.
QUERULOUS—doubting, complaining, fretting, repining. (Patient.)
QUESTION—query, inquiry, interrogatory.
QUIBBLE—cavil, evade, equivocate, shuffle.
QUICK—lively, ready, prompt, alert, nimble, agile, active, brisk, expeditious, adroit, fleet, rapid, impetuous, swift, sweeping, dashing, clever. (Slow.)
QUOTE—note, repeat, cite, adduce.
RABID—mad, furious, raging, frantic. (Rational.)
RACE—course, match, pursuit, career, family, clan, house, ancestry, lineage, pedigree.
RACK—agonize, wring, torture, excruciate, harass, distress. (Soothe.)
RACY—spicy, pungent, smart, spirited, vivacious, lively. (Dull, insipid.)
RADIANCE—splendor, brightness, brilliance, brilliancy, lustre, glare. (Dullness.)
RADICAL—organic, innate, fundamental, original, constitutional, inherent, complete, entire. (Superficial. In a political sense, uncompromising; antonym, moderate.)
RANCID—fetid, rank, stinking, sour, tainted, foul. (Fresh, sweet.)
RANCOR—malignity, hatred, hostility, antipathy, animosity, enmity, ill-will, spite. (Forgiveness.)
RANK—order, degree, dignity, consideration.
RANSACK—rummage, pillage, overhaul, explore.
RANSOM—emancipate, free, unfetter.
RANT—bombast, fustian, cant.
RAPACIOUS—ravenous, voracious, greedy, grasping. (Generous.)
RAPT—ecstatic, transported, ravished, entranced, charmed. (Distracted.)
RAPTURE—ecstacy, transport, bliss. (Dejection.)
RARE—scarce, singular, uncommon, unique.
RASCAL—scoundrel, rogue, knave, vagabond.
RASH—hasty, precipitate, foolhardy, adventurous, heedless, reckless, careless. (Deliberate.)
RATE—value, compute, appraise, estimate, abuse.
RATIFY—confirm, establish, substantiate, sanction (Protest, oppose.)
RATIONAL—reasonable, sagacious, judicious, wise, sensible, sound. (Unreasonable.)
RAVAGE—overrun, overspread, desolate, despoil.
RAVISH—enrapture, enchant, charm, delight.
RAZE—demolish, destroy, overthrow, dismantle, ruin. (Build up.)
REACH—touch, stretch, attain, gain, arrive at.
READY—prepared, ripe, apt, prompt, adroit, handy. (Slow, dilatory.)
REAL—actual, literal, practical, positive, certain, genuine, true. (Unreal.)
REALIZE—accomplish, achieve, effect, gain, get, acquire, comprehend.
REAP—gain, get, acquire, obtain.
REASON, n.—motive, design, end, proof, cause, ground, purpose.
REASON, v.—deduce, draw from, trace, conclude.
REASONABLE—rational, wise, honest, fair, right, just. (Unreasonable.)
REBELLION—insurrection, revolt.
RECANT—recall, abjure, retract, revoke.
RECEDE—retire, retreat, withdraw, ebb.
RECEIVE—accept, take, admit, entertain.
RECEPTION—receiving, levee, receipt, admission.
RECESS—retreat, depth, niche, vacation.
RECREATION—sport, pastime, play, amusement, game, fun.
REDEEM—ransom, recover, rescue, deliver, save.
REDRESS—remedy, repair, remission, abatement.
REDUCE—abate, lessen, decrease, lower, shorten.
REFINED—polite, courtly, polished, cultured, purified, genteel. (Boorish.)
REFLECT—consider, cogitate, think, muse, censure.
REFORM—amend, correct, better, restore, improve. (Corrupt.)
REFORMATION—improvement, reform, amendment. (Corruption.)
REFUGE—asylum, protection, harbor, shelter.
REFUSE, v.—deny, reject, repudiate, decline, withhold. (Accept.)
REFUSE, n.—dregs, dross, scum, rubbish, leavings.
REFUTE—disprove, falsify, negative. (Affirm.)
REGARD, v.—mind, heed, notice, behold, respect, view, consider.
REGRET, n.—grief, sorrow, lamentation, remorse.
REGULAR—orderly, uniform, customary, ordinary, stated. (Irregular.)
REGULATE—methodize, arrange, adjust, organize, govern, rule. (Disorder.)
REIMBURSE—refund, repay, satisfy, indemnify.
RELEVANT—fit, proper, suitable, appropriate, apt, pertinent. (Irrelevant.)
RELIANCE—trust, hope, dependence, confidence. (Suspicion.)
RELIEF—succor, aid, help, redress, alleviation.
RELINQUISH—give up, forsake, resign, surrender, quit, leave, forego. (Retain.)
REMEDY—help, relief, redress, cure, specific.
REMORSELESS—pitiless, relentless, cruel, ruthless, merciless, barbarous. (Merciful, humane.)
REMOTE—distant, far, secluded, indirect. (Near.)
REPRODUCE—propagate, imitate, represent, copy.
REPUDIATE—disown, discard, disavow, renounce, disclaim. (Acknowledge.)
REPUGNANT—antagonistic, distasteful. (Agreeable.)
REPULSIVE—forbidding, odious, ugly, disagreeable, revolting. (Attractive.)
RESPITE—reprieve, interval, stop, pause.
REVENGE—vengeance, retaliation, requital, retribution. (Forgiveness.)
REVENUE—produce, income, fruits, proceeds.
REVERENCE, n.—honor, respect, awe, veneration, deference, worship, homage. (Execration.)
REVISE—review, reconsider.
REVIVE—refresh, renew, renovate, animate, resuscitate, vivify, cheer, comfort.
RICH—wealthy, affluent, opulent, copious, ample, abundant, exuberant, plentiful, fertile, gorgeous, superb, fruitful. (Poor.)
RIVAL, n.—antagonist, opponent, competitor.
ROAD—way, highway, route, course, path, pathway, anchorage.
ROAM—ramble, rove, wander, stray, stroll.
ROBUST—strong, lusty, vigorous, sinewy, stalwart, stout, sturdy, able-bodied. (Puny.)
ROUT, v.—discomfit, beat, defeat, overthrow.
ROUTE—road, course, march, way, journey, path.
RUDE—rugged, rough, uncouth, unpolished, harsh, gruff, impertinent, saucy, flippant, impudent, insolent, saucy, churlish. (Polite, polished.)
RULE—sway, method, system, law, maxim, guide, precept, formula, regulation, government, test, standard.
RUMOR—hearsay, talk, fame, report, bruit.
RUTHLESS—cruel, savage, barbarous, inhuman, merciless, remorseless, relentless. (Considerate.)
SACRED—holy, hallowed, divine, consecrated, dedicated, devoted. (Profane.)
SAFE—secure, harmless, trustworthy. (Perilous.)
SANCTION—confirm, countenance, encourage, support, ratify, authorize. (Disapprove.)
SANE—sober, lucid, sound, rational. (Crazy.)
SAUCY—impertinent, rude, impudent, insolent, flippant, forward. (Modest.)
SCANDALIZE—shock, disgust, offend, calumniate, vilify, revile, malign, traduce, defame, slander.
SCANTY—bare, pinched, insufficient, slender, meager. (Ample.)
SCATTER—strew, spread, disseminate, disperse, dissipate, dispel. (Collect.)
SECRET—clandestine, concealed, hidden, sly, underhand, latent, private. (Open.)
SEDUCE—allure, attract, decoy, entice, abduct, inveigle, deprave.
SENSE—discernment, appreciation, view, opinion, feeling, perception, sensibility, susceptibility, significance, thought, judgment, signification, meaning, import, purport, wisdom.
SENSIBLE—wise, intelligent, reasonable, sober, sound, conscious, aware. (Foolish.)
SETTLE—arrange, adjust, regulate, conclude.
SEVERAL—sundry, divers, various, many.
SEVERE—harsh, stern, stringent, unmitigated, unyielding, rough. (Lenient.)
SHAKE—tremble, shudder, shiver, quake, quiver.
SHALLOW—superficial, flimsy, slight. (Deep, thorough.)
SHAME—disgrace, dishonor. (Honor.)
SHAMEFUL—degrading, scandalous, disgraceful, outrageous. (Honorable.)
SHAMELESS—immodest, impudent, indecent, indelicate, brazen.
SHAPE—form, fashion, mold, model.
SHARE—portion, lot, division, quantity, quota.
SHARP—acute, keen. (Dull.)
SHINE—glare, glitter, radiate, sparkle.
SHORT—brief, concise, succinct, summary. (Long.)
SHOW, n.—exhibition, sight, spectacle.
SICK—diseased, sickly, unhealthy. (Healthy.)
SICKNESS—illness, indisposition, disease, disorder. (Health.)
SIGNIFICANT, a.—expressive, material, important. (Insignificant.)
SIGNIFICATION—import, meaning, sense.
SILENCE—speechlessness, dumbness. (Noise.)
SILENT—dumb, mute, speechless. (Talkative.)
SIMILE—comparison, similitude.
SIMPLE—single, uncompounded, artless, plain. (Complex, compound.)
SIMULATE—dissimulate, dissemble, pretend.
SINCERE—candid, hearty, honest, pure, genuine, real. (Insincere.)
SITUATION—condition, plight, predicament, state.
SIZE—bulk, greatness, magnitude, dimension.
SLAVERY—servitude, enthrallment, thralldom. (Freedom.)
SLEEP—doze, drowse, nap, slumber.
SLEEPY—somnolent. (Wakeful.)
SLOW—dilatory, tardy. (Fast.)
SMELL—fragrance, odor, perfume, scent.
SMOOTH—even, level, mild. (Rough.)
SOAK—drench, imbrue, steep.
SOCIAL—sociable, friendly, communicative. (Unsocial.)
SOFT—gentle, meek, mild. (Hard.)
SOLICIT—importune, urge.
SOLITARY—sole, only, single.
SORRY—grieved, poor, paltry, insignificant. (Glad, respectable.)
SOUL—mind, spirit. (Soul is opposed to body, mind to matter.)
SOUND, a.—healthy, sane. (Unsound.)
SOUND, n.—tone, noise, silence.
SPACE—room.
SPARSE—scanty, thin. (Luxuriant.)
SPEAK—converse, talk, confer, say, tell.
SPECIAL—particular, specific. (General.)
SPEND—expend, exhaust, consume, waste, dissipate. (Save.)
SPORADIC—isolated, rare. (General, prevalent.)
SPREAD—disperse, diffuse, expand, disseminate.
SPRING—fountain, source.
STAFF—prop, support, stay.
STAGGER—reel, totter.
STAIN—soil, discolor, spot, sully, tarnish.
STATE—commonwealth, realm.
STERILE—barren, unfruitful. (Fertile.)
STIFLE—choke, suffocate, smother.
STORMY—rough, boisterous, tempestuous. (Calm.)
STRAIGHT—direct, right. (Crooked.)
STRAIT, a.—narrow, confined.
STRANGER—alien, foreigner. (Friend.)
STRENGTHEN—fortify, invigorate. (Weaken.)
STRONG—robust, sturdy, powerful. (Weak.)
STUPID—dull, foolish, obtuse, witless. (Clever.)
SUBJECT—exposed to, liable, obnoxious. (Exempt.)
SUBJECT—inferior, subordinate. (Superior to, above.)
SUBSEQUENT—succeeding, following. (Previous.)
SUBSTANTIAL—solid, durable. (Unsubstantial.)
SUIT—accord, agree. (Disagree.)
SUPERFICIAL—flimsy, shallow, untrustworthy. (Thorough.)
SUPERFLUOUS—unnecessary. (Necessary.)
SURROUND—encircle, encompass, environ.
SUSTAIN—maintain, support.
SYMMETRY—proportion.
SYMPATHY—commiseration, compassion.
SYSTEM—method, plan, order.
SYSTEMATIC—orderly, regular, methodical. (Chaotic.)
TAKE—accept, receive. (Give.)
TALKATIVE—garrulous, loquacious, communicative. (Silent.)
TASTE—flavor, relish, savor. (Tastelessness.)
TAX—custom, duty, impost, excise, toll.
TAX—assessment, rate.
TEASE—taunt, tantalize, torment, vex.
TEMPORARY, a.—fleeting, transient, transitory. (Permanent.)
TENACIOUS—pertinacious, retentive.
TENDENCY—aim, drift, scope.
TENET—position, view, conviction, belief.
TERM—boundary, limit, period, time.
TERRITORY—dominion.
THANKFUL—grateful, obliged. (Thankless.)
THANKLESS—ungracious, profitless, ungrateful, unthankful.
THAW—melt, dissolve, liquefy. (Freeze.)
THEATRICAL—dramatic, showy, ceremonious.
THEFT—robbery, depredation, spoliation.
THEME—subject, topic, text, essay.
THEORY—speculation, scheme, plea, hypothesis, conjecture.
THEREFORE—accordingly, consequently, hence.
THICK—dense, close, compact, solid, coagulated, muddy, turbid, misty, vaporous. (Thin.)
THIN—slim, slender, slight, flimsy, lean, scraggy, attenuated.
THINK—cogitate, consider, reflect, ponder, muse, contemplate, meditate, conceive, fancy, imagine, apprehend, hold, esteem, reckon, consider, deem, regard, believe, opine.
THOROUGH—accurate, correct, trustworthy, complete, reliable. (Superficial.)
THOUGHT—idea, conception, imagination, fancy, conceit, notion, supposition, care, provision, consideration, opinion, view, sentiment, reflection, deliberation.
THOUGHTFUL—considerate, careful, cautious, heedful, contemplative, reflective, provident, pensive, dreamy. (Thoughtless.)
THOUGHTLESS—inconsiderate, rash, precipitate, improvident, heedless.
TIE, v.—bind, restrain, restrict, oblige, secure, join, unite. (Loose.)
TIME—duration, season, period, era, age, date, span, spell.
TOLERATE—allow, admit, receive, suffer, permit, let, endure, abide. (Oppose.)
TOP—summit, apex, head, crown, surface. (Base, bottom.)
TORRID—burning, hot, parching, scorching.
TORTUOUS—twisted, winding, crooked, indirect.
TORTURE—torment, anguish, agony.
TOUCHING—tender, affecting, moving, pathetic.
TRACTABLE—docile, manageable, amenable.
TRADE—traffic, commerce, dealing, occupation, employment, office.
TRADITIONAL—oral, uncertain, transmitted.
TRAFFIC—trade, exchange, commerce.
TRAMMEL, n.—fetter, shatter, clog, bond, impediment, chain, hindrance.
TRANQUIL—still, unruffled, peaceful, hushed, quiet. (Noisy, boisterous.)
TRANSACTION—negotiation, occurrence, proceeding, affair.
TRAVEL—trip, peregrination, excursion, journey, tour, voyage.
TREACHEROUS—traitorous, disloyal, treasonable, faithless, false-hearted. (Trustworthy, faithful.)
TRITE—stale, old, ordinary, commonplace, hackneyed. (Novel.)
TRIUMPH—achievement, ovation, victory, jubilation, conquest. (Failure, defeat.)
TRIVIAL—trifling, petty, small, frivolous, unimportant, insignificant. (Important.)
TRUE—genuine, actual, sincere, unaffected, true-hearted, honest, upright, veritable, real, veracious, authentic, exact, accurate, correct.
TUMULTUOUS—turbulent, riotous, disorderly, disturbed, confused, unruly. (Orderly.)
TURBID—foul, thick, muddy, impure, unsettled.
TYPE—emblem, symbol, figure, sign, kind, letter.
TYRO—novice, beginner, learner.
UGLY—unsightly, plain, homely, ill-favored, hideous. (Beautiful.)
UMBRAGE—offense, dissatisfaction, resentment.
UMPIRE—referee, arbitrator, judge, arbiter.
UNANIMITY—accord, agreement, unity, concord. (Discord.)
UNBRIDLED—wanton, licentious, dissolute, loose.
UNCERTAIN—doubtful, dubious, questionable, fitful, equivocal, ambiguous, indistinct, fluctuating.
UNCIVIL—rude, discourteous, disrespectful, disobliging. (Civil.)
UNCLEAN—dirty, foul, filthy, sullied. (Clean.)
UNCOMMON—rare, strange, scarce, singular, choice. (Common, ordinary.)
UNCONCERNED—careless, indifferent, apathetic. (Anxious.)
UNCOUTH—strange, odd, clumsy. (Graceful.)
UNCOVER—reveal, strip, expose, lay bare. (Hide.)
UNDER—below, underneath, beneath, subordinate, lower, inferior. (Above.)
UNDERSTANDING—knowledge, intellect, intelligence, faculty, comprehension, mind, reason.
UNDO—annul, frustrate, untie, unfasten, destroy.
UNEASY—restless, disturbed, unquiet, awkward, stiff. (Quiet.)
UNEQUAL—uneven, not alike, irregular. (Even.)
UNEQUALED—matchless, unique, novel, new.
UNFIT, a.—improper, unsuitable, inconsistent, untimely, incompetent. (Fit.)
UNFIT, v.—disable, incapacitate, disqualify. (Fit.)
UNFORTUNATE—calamitous, ill-fated, unlucky, wretched, unhappy, miserable. (Fortunate.)
UNGAINLY—clumsy, awkward, lumbering, uncouth. (Pretty.)
UNHAPPY—miserable, wretched, distressed, painful, afflicted, disastrous, drear, dismal. (Happy.)
UNIFORM—regular, symmetrical, equal, even, alike, unvaried. (Irregular.)
UNINTERRUPTED—continuous, perpetual, unceasing, incessant, endless. (Intermittent.)
UNION—junction, combination, alliance, confederacy, league, coalition, agreement. (Disunion.)
UNIQUE—unequal, uncommon, rare, choice, matchless. (Common, ordinary.)
UNITE—join, conjoin, combine, concert, add, attach. (Separate, disrupt, sunder.)
UNIVERSAL—general, all, entire, total, catholic. (Sectional.)
UNLIMITED—absolute, undefined, boundless, infinite. (Limited.)
UNREASONABLE—foolish, silly, absurd, preposterous, ridiculous.
UNRIVALED—unequaled, unique, unexampled, incomparable, matchless. (Mediocre.)
UNRULY—ungovernable, unmanageable, refractory. (Tractable, docile.)
UNUSUAL—rare, unwonted, singular, uncommon, remarkable, strange. (Common.)
UPHOLD—maintain, defend, sustain, support, vindicate. (Desert, abandon.)
UPRIGHT—vertical, perpendicular, erect, just, equitable, fair, pure, honorable. (Prone.)
UPRIGHTNESS—honesty, integrity, fairness, goodness, probity, virtue, honor. (Dishonesty.)
URGE—incite, impel, push, drive, instigate, stimulate, press, induce, solicit.
URGENT—pressing, imperative, immediate, serious, wanted. (Unimportant.)
USAGE—custom, fashion, practice, prescription.
USE, n.—usage, practice, habit, custom, avail, advantage, utility, benefit, application. (Disuse.)
USUAL—ordinary, common, accustomed, habitual, wonted, customary, general. (Unusual.)
UTMOST—farthest, remotest, uttermost, greatest.
UTTER, a.—extreme, excessive, sheer, mere, pure.
UTTER, v.—speak, articulate, pronounce, express.
UTTERLY—totally, completely, wholly, altogether.
VACANT—empty, unfilled, unoccupied, thoughtless, unthinking. (Occupied.)
VAGRANT, n.—wanderer, beggar, tramp, rogue.
VAGUE—unsettled, undetermined, pointless, uncertain, indefinite. (Definite.)
VAIN—useless, fruitless, empty, worthless, inflated, proud, conceited, unreal. (Effectual, humble.)
VALIANT—brave, bold, valorous, courageous, gallant. (Cowardly.)
VALID—weighty, strong, powerful, sound, binding, efficient. (Invalid.)
VALOR—courage, gallantry, boldness, bravery, heroism. (Cowardice.)
VALUE, v.—appraise, assess, reckon, appreciate, estimate, prize, esteem, treasure. (Despise.)
VARIABLE—changeable, unsteady, inconstant, shifting, wavering, fickle, restless. (Constant.)
VARIETY—difference, diversity, change, diversification, mixture, medley, miscellany. (Sameness, monotony.)
VAST—spacious, boundless, mighty, enormous, immense, colossal, gigantic, prodigious. (Confined.)
VAUNT—boast, brag, puff, hawk, advertise, parade.
VENERABLE—grave, sage, wise, old, reverend.
VENIAL—pardonable, excusable, justifiable. (Serious, grave.)
VENOM—poison, virus, spite, malice, malignity.
VENTURE, n.—speculation, chance, peril, stake.
VERACITY—truth, truthfulness, credibility, accuracy. (Falsehood.)
VERBAL—oral, spoken, literal, parole, unwritten.
VERDICT—judgment, finding, decision, answer.
VEXATION—chagrin, mortification. (Pleasure.)
VIBRATE—oscillate, swing, sway, wave, thrill.
VICE—vileness, corruption, depravity, pollution, immorality, wickedness, guilt, iniquity. (Virtue.)
VICIOUS—corrupt, depraved, debased, bad, unruly, contrary, demoralized, profligate, faulty. (Gentle, virtuous.)
VICTIM—sacrifice, food, prey, sufferer, dupe, gull.
VICTUALS—viands, bread, meat, provisions, fare, food, repast.
VIOLENT—boisterous, furious, impetuous, vehement. (Gentle.)
VIRTUOUS—upright, honest, moral. (Profligate.)
VISION—apparition, ghost, phantom, specter.
VOLUPTUARY—epicure, sensualist.
VOUCH—affirm, asserverate, assure, aver.
WAIT—await, expect, look for, wait for.
WAKEFUL—vigilant, watchful. (Sleepy.)
WANDER—range, ramble, roam, rove, stroll.
WANT—lack, need. (Abundance.)
WARY—circumspect, cautious. (Foolhardy.)
WASH—clean, rinse, wet, moisten, stain, tint.
WASTE, v.—squander, dissipate, lavish, destroy, decay, dwindle, wither.
WAY—method, plan, system, means, manner, mode, form, fashion, course, process, road, route, track, path, habit, practice.
WEAKEN—debilitate, enfeeble, enervate, invalidate. (Strengthen.)
WEARY—harass, jade, tire, fatigue. (Refresh.)
WEIGHT—gravity, heaviness, burden, load. (Lightness.)
WELL-BEING—happiness, prosperity, welfare.
WHOLE—entire, complete, total, integral. (Part.)
WICKED—iniquitous, nefarious. (Virtuous.)
WILL—wish, desire.
WILLINGLY—spontaneously, voluntarily. (Unwillingly.)
WIN—get, obtain, gain, procure, effect, realize, accomplish, achieve. (Lose.)
WINNING—attractive, charming, fascinating, bewitching, enchanting, dazzling. (Repulsive.)
WISDOM—prudence, foresight, far-sightedness, sagacity. (Foolishness.)
WONDER, v.—admire, amaze, astonish, surprise.
WONDER, n.—marvel, miracle, prodigy.
WRONG—injustice, injury. (Right.)
YAWN—gape, open wide.
YEARN—hanker after, long for, desire, crave.
YELL—bellow, cry out, scream.
YELLOW—golden, saffron-like.
YELP—bark, sharp cry, howl.
YET—besides, nevertheless, notwithstanding, however, still, ultimately, at last, so far, thus far.
YIELD—bear, give, afford, impart, communicate, confer, bestow, abdicate, resign, cede, surrender.
YIELDING—supple, pliant, bending, compliant, submissive, unresisting. (Obstinate.)
YOKE, v.—couple, link, connect.
YORE—long ago, long since.
YOUTH—boy, lad, minority, adolescence.
YOUTHFUL—juvenile, puerile. (Old.)
ZEAL—energy, fervor, ardor, earnestness, enthusiasm, eagerness. (Indifference.)
ZEALOUS—warm, ardent, fervent, enthusiastic, anxious. (Indifferent, careless.)
ZEST—relish, gusto, flavor. (Disgust.)
COMPRISING
THRILLING BATTLE SCENES AND VICTORIES; BEAUTIFUL DESCRIPTIONS; SOUL-STIRRING DEEDS OF HEROISM; WITTY AND HUMOROUS SELECTIONS; PATHETIC PIECES; FAMOUS ORATIONS; RECITATIONS FOR CHILDREN; READINGS WITH ACCOMPANIMENTS OF MUSIC; DRILLS; LESSON TALKS, ETC.
Good readers and reciters are extremely rare, and it is because sufficient time and study are not devoted to the art of elocution. Not one educated man in ten can read a paragraph in a newspaper so effectively that to listen to him is a pleasure, and not a pain.
Many persons are unable so to express the words as to convey their meaning. They pervert the sense of the sentence by emphasizing in the wrong place, or deprive it of all sense by a monotonous gabble, giving no emphasis to any words they utter. They neglect the “stops,” as they are called; they make harsh music with their voices; they hiss, or croak, or splutter, or mutter—everything but speak the words set down for them as they would have talked them to you in conversation.
Why should this be? Why should correct reading be rare, pleasant reading rarer still, and good reading found only in one person in ten thousand? Let me urge you with all earnestness to become an accomplished reader and reciter. This is something to be coveted, and it is worth your while to acquire it, though it cost you much time and labor. Attend to the rules here furnished.
Accustom yourself to reading and reciting aloud. Some of our greatest orators have made it a practice to do this in the open air, throwing out the voice with full volume, calling with prolonged vowel sounds to some object in the distance, and thus strengthening the throat and lungs. Every day you should practice breathings; by which I mean that you should take in a full breath, expand the lungs to their full capacity, and then emit the breath slowly, and again suddenly with explosive force. A good, flexible voice is the first thing to be considered.
When you hear a person read or speak you are always pleased if the full quantity is given to each syllable of every word. Only[114] in this way can the correct meaning of the sentence be conveyed. People who are partially deaf will tell you that they are not always able to hear those who speak the loudest, but those who speak the most distinctly. Do not recite to persons who are nearest to you, but rather glance at those who are farthest away, and measure the amount of volume required to make them hear.
Some word or words in every sentence are more important, and require greater emphasis than others. You must get at the exact meaning of the sentence, and be governed by this. The finest effects can be produced by making words emphatic where the meaning demands it. Look well to this.
Avoid a sing-song, monotonous style of delivery. Break the flow where it is required; you will always notice how skillfully a trained elocutionist observes the proper pauses. Have such command of yourself that you do not need to hurry on with your recitation at the same pace from beginning to end. The pause enables the hearer to take in the meaning of the words, and is therefore always to be observed.
Speak with your whole body, not merely with your tongue and lips. It is permissible to even stamp with your foot when the sense calls for it. Speak with your eyes, with your facial expression, with your fingers, with your clenched fist, with your arm, with the pose of your body, with all the varying attitudes needful to express what you have to say with the greatest effect.
Stand, as a rule, with one foot slightly in advance of the other, the weight of the body resting upon the foot farther back. Do not be tied to one position; hold yourself at liberty to change your position and move about. Do not hold your elbows close to your body, as if your arms were strapped to your sides. Make the gesture in point of time slightly in advance of the word or words it is to illustrate.
It has always been said that the poet is born, but the orator is made. This is not wholly correct, for the more magnetism you were born with, the better speaker you will become. Still, the indefinable thing called magnetism is something that can be cultivated; at least you can learn how to show it, and permit it to exert its wonderful influence over your hearers.
Put yourself into your recitations in such a way that the thoughts and sentiments you express shall, for the time being, be your own. Every nerve and muscle of your body, every thought and emotion of your mind, in short, your whole being should be enlisted. You should become transformed, taking on the character required by the reading or recitation, and making it your own.
Persons who can thus lose themselves in what they are saying, and throw into their recitations all the force and magnetism of which they are capable, are sure to meet with success.
Young persons naturally feel embarrassed when they face an audience. Some of our greatest orators have known what this is, and were compelled to labor hard to overcome it. Practice alone will give you confidence, unless you possess it already, and this is true of only a few young persons.
Do your utmost to control yourself. Let your will come into play; strong will, governing every emotion of the mind and movement of the body, is absolutely essential. Do not be brazen, but self-confident.
When the destruction of Admiral Cervera’s fleet became known before Santiago, the American soldiers cheered wildly, and, with one accord, through miles of trenches, began singing “The Star Spangled Banner.” You should preface the recitation with the foregoing statement.
This selection is inspiring. It is brimful of the glow of patriotism. To deliver it, therefore, in a dull, listless, indifferent manner would suppress the natural sentiment of the piece and rob it of the effect it would otherwise produce. Be alive; not wooden and nerveless. If you were standing in a crowd and a brass band should come along and strike up the “Star Spangled Banner,” you would instantly see the change that would come over the assembled throng. Every heart would be moved, every face would be filled with expression, every nerve would seem to tingle.
When you are to deliver a selection of this kind, come before your audience with your body straightened to its full height, your shoulders thrown back, and your head erect. For the time being you are a patriot, and are saying some grand things about the Stars and Stripes and about our brave heroes who have carried “Old Glory” to victory on so many battlefields.
Your manner must indicate that you appreciate their heroism, that you are ready to extol it, and that you expect your hearers to share the emotions of your own breast. You should know what tones of voice your are to employ in expressing most effectively the sentiments of the piece, what gestures should be used and what words are to be emphasized.
1. Taking now the first verse, you should let the tones of your voice out full and clear on the first line, lowering your voice on the second line; then letting your voice ring out again on the third line, and again subduing it on the fourth. Here is a fine opportunity for contrast between strong tones and tones subdued and suggestive of death. It would not be amiss to give the words “their latest breath” in a whisper. Prolong the sound on the word “roll.”[124] The word “thrilling” should be expressed with energetic impulse, and the voice lowered, yet round and full, on the last line.
2. With hands elevated as high as the shoulders and palms turned outward, expressive of wonder and almost alarm, deliver the first line of the second verse. Suddenly change to confidence and courage in the next three lines. Express nothing here that could suggest timidity, but rather the opposite.
should be spoken in a thoughtful mood, with head dropped on breast; then lift it as you speak the two lines that follow, the last of which refers to the field of battle and should be designated, as in Figure 2 of Typical Gestures, found in the preceding pages.
3. At the beginning of verse three, elevate your voice and prolong the tones. The words “never runs” are emphatic; put stress on them. On the fifth and sixth lines of this verse use the gesture for Exaltation, Figure 11 of Typical Gestures—arm lifted as high as the head and palm opened upward, giving the arm at the same time a circular motion. The last two lines should be delivered with hands clasped, palm to palm, in front of the breast, and eyes turned upward.
Napoleon was sitting in his tent; before him lay a map of Italy. He took four pins and stuck them up; measured, moved the pins, and measured again. “Now,” said he, “that is right; I will capture him there!” “Who, sir?” said an officer. “Milas, the old fox of Austria. He will retire from Genoa, pass Turin, and fall back on Alexandria. I shall cross the Po, meet him on the plains of Laconia, and conquer him there,” and the finger of the child of destiny pointed to Marengo.
2. Two months later the memorable campaign of 1800 began. The 20th of May saw Napoleon on the heights of St. Bernard. The 22d, Lannes, with the army of Genoa, held Padua. So far, all had been well with Napoleon. He had compelled the Austrians to take the position he desired; reduced the army from one hundred and twenty thousand to forty thousand men; dispatched Murat to the right, and June 14th moved forward to consummate his masterly plan.
3. But God threatened to overthrow his scheme! A little rain had fallen in the Alps, and the Po could not be crossed in time. The battle was begun. Milas, pushed to the wall, resolved to cut his way out; and Napoleon reached the field to see Lannes beaten—Champeaux dead—Desaix still charging old Milas, with his Austrian phalanx at Marengo, till the consular guard gave way, and the well-planned victory was a terrible defeat. Just as the day was lost, Desaix, the boy General, sweeping across the field at the head of his cavalry, halted on the eminence where stood Napoleon.
4. There was in the corps a drummer-boy, a gamin whom Desaix had picked up in the streets of Paris. He had followed the victorious eagle of France in the campaigns of Egypt and Germany. As the columns halted, Napoleon shouted to him: “Beat a retreat!” The boy did not stir. “Gamin, beat a retreat!” The boy stopped, grasped his drum-sticks, and said: “Sir, I do not know how to beat a retreat; Desaix never taught me that; but I can beat a charge,—Oh! I can beat a charge that will make the dead fall into line. I beat that charge at the Pyramid: I beat that charge at Mount Tabor: I beat it again at the bridge of Lodi. May I beat it here?”
5. Napoleon turned to Desaix, and said: “We are beaten; what shall we do?” “Do? Beat them! It is only three o’clock, and there is time enough to win a victory yet. Up! the charge! beat the old charge of[125] Mount Tabor and Lodi!” A moment later the corps, following the sword-gleam of Desaix, and keeping step with the furious roll of the gamin’s drum, swept down on the host of Austrians. They drove the first line back on the second—both on the third, and there they died. Desaix fell at the first volley, but the line never faltered, and as the smoke cleared away the gamin was seen in front of his line marching right on, and still beating the furious charge.
6. Over the dead and wounded, over breastworks and fallen foe, over cannon belching forth their fire of death, he led the way to victory, and the fifteen days in Italy were ended. To-day men point to Marengo in wonder. They admire the power and foresight that so skillfully handled the battle but they forget that a General only thirty years of age made a victory of a defeat. They forget that a gamin of Paris put to shame “the child of destiny.”
A story or a narrative like this should be read in a more easy, conversational manner than is demanded for selections more tragic or oratorical. Yet a great variety of expression can be introduced into this piece, and without it, the reading will be tame.
1. In the first part of this verse spread your hands forward, then outward with the palms downward, to indicate the map of Italy which is lying before the great general. In a tone of triumph, accompanied with firmness and decision, Napoleon says, “I will capture him there.” Use the gesture for defiance, Figure 23, in Typical Gestures. Your body must be immediately relaxed as you ask the question, “Who, sir?” Let the answer be given with utterance somewhat rapid, still indicating firmness and decision.
2. This verse is easy narrative and should be recited as you would tell it to a friend in conversation. The words “masterly plan” in the last line are emphatic.
3. In the first line of this verse use the gesture shown in Figure 24 of Typical Gestures, indicating that Napoleon’s scheme was rejected by God and brought to nought. The style of narrative here is very concise and the sentences should follow one another in quick succession. “Milas, pushed to the wall,” should be expressed by Figure 4 of Typical Gestures. When you come to the words “the well-planned victory was a terrible defeat,” stretch forth your right arm as in Figure 6 of Typical Gestures, dropping it to your side heavily on the last word. Point to the boy general sweeping across the field and to the eminence where Napoleon stood. Champeaux is pronounced Shon-po; Desaix is pronounced De-say.
4. Here you drop again into easy narrative until you come to the words, “Beat a retreat!” These are to be shouted as if you were the officer on the battlefield giving the command. Put intense expression into the boy’s appeal, as he states that he does not know how to beat a retreat, and pleads to be permitted to beat a charge. There is opportunity here for grand effect as you deliver these lines.
5 and 6. Use the gesture for Defiance on the words, “Up! the charge!” You are ordering an advance, resolved to win the victory. The remainder of this verse and the following is narrative and demands quite a different rendering from the words of command in other parts of the selection. If you recite it in such a way as to express the full meaning it will captivate your hearers.
The quiet humor of this piece stands in strong contrast to selections of a tragic character, and if it is recited in an easy pleasant way, it is sure to be appreciated by all who hear it. Adapt your voice and manner, therefore, to the style of narrative.
1. With the right hand extended designate the farm horse, large and lean. Drawl out the word lazy in the next line, and continue this slow utterance to the end of the verse.
2. The sentiment changes in the next verse and requires more animation. In the first line make the gesture shown in Figure 21 of Typical Gestures, in the beginning of Part II. of this volume. Become more animated as you describe the maiden’s eyes and the soft waves of her golden hair.
3. The young couple reach the parsonage and your manner should suggest theirs; they have come on very important business. Express the embarrassment of the young man as he asks the question: “What shall we do?” etc. Give a half look of surprise as you refer to the contents of the pillow-case.
4. In a half tone of rebuke the maiden answers, “Let us wait,” saying encouragingly that there is no need to borrow trouble. She evidently believes the parson will be quite willing to take the fee.
5. Let your utterance become more rapid as you picture the bridegroom springing from the horse. With uplifted, clenched hand knock on the door, and then portray the half fright of the parson as he answers the knock.
6. Here is an opportunity for a genuine touch of humor. Cry out as the young man would to the maiden by the gate, “Come in; he says he’ll take the beans!” She jumps to the ground. Make the gesture of Figure 16 in Typical Gestures.
7. Act out the effort of carrying the pillow-case through the open door and throwing it upon the parlor floor. Do not let your facial expression be too serious. You should know how to smile without looking silly.
8. Here again in the first line make the gesture in Figure 16, and with elevated pitch and joyous expression picture the young couple as they ride away. With fervent tones and uplifted hands recite the last two lines of the piece. A good recital for a parlor entertainment.
The beautiful lesson taught in this selection is apparent to every one. In reciting it you have, therefore, the advantage of presenting a reading that commends itself to all hearers, the sentiment of which is admirable. The piece will speak for itself, and there is a vast difference between a reading of this description and one that has nothing specially to commend it.
And here let me say something concerning your choice of recitations. First of all, they should be adapted to your range of capacity. It is simply grotesque for one to whom only tragedy is natural to attempt to recite humorous pieces. On the other hand, it is a great mistake for one who is expert in nothing but humorous selections to attempt to recite tragedy.
The error with many readers lies in attempting to do that for which they are not naturally fitted. The selections in this volume are so diversified that you ought to be able to find what is especially suited to your ability.
Nothing is inserted here simply because it is good poetry or good prose. There are thousands of readings and recitations, so called, that do not afford the elocutionist any opportunity to display his powers. They are a dull monotony from beginning to end. They fill the pages of the book, but nobody wants them. Every recitation in this volume has been chosen because it has some special merit and is adapted to call out the powers of the reader.
1. Taking now the recitation before us you have in the first verse the King’s command, which you should deliver in a tone of authority, extending the right hand on the fourth line.
And this affords me an opportunity to say that your gestures should never be thrust forward or sideways in an angular manner, but with something approaching a curve. Do not make gestures as though you were a prize-fighter and were thrusting at an imaginary foe. Remember that the line of beauty is always the curve.
2. This verse is narrative and requires a different expression from the one preceding it. Extend your right hand on the second line in which it is stated that the sculptor went upon his way, curving your arm outward and then letting it fall gently by your side.
3. In this verse the sculptor is in perplexity. He is trying to study out the riddle, and to express this you should use Figure 22 of Typical Gestures.
4 and 5. These verses are also narrative, the only thing to be noted being the trembling timidity of the sculptor in the last part of the 5th verse. This should be indicated by the tones of your voice and general manner.
6. This is dialogue, and while the inflexions required are those of ordinary conversation, do not let your manner be too tame.
7. Make the announcement contained in this verse with evident satisfaction. The last line is emphatic and should be spoken with full volume.
8. Make a pause after the word statue in the first line and recite the remainder of this line in a tone of surprise. In the second line make the gesture in Figure 13 of Typical Gestures. Let your facial expression indicate satisfaction.
This selection is in a lighter vein than the others that have gone before. It is adapted to a boy eight or ten years old. While the humor is not of a boisterous character, the piece is very pleasing when recited by a boy who knows how to take in the situation and can put on a look of natural surprise.
Recitations by little people are always interesting to older persons. The young should be taught to recite in public. While this need not make them bold, it does give them confidence, which is very desirable for them to have.
Moreover, it helps them to become graceful in manner if they are properly trained, and takes away the awkwardness which makes many young persons appear to a disadvantage. Added to all this the cultivation of the memory derived from learning recitations, and learning them so thoroughly that they cannot be forgotten through any temporary embarrassment, and you will readily see that the noble art of elocution is an essential part of every young person’s education.
The selection before us is not a difficult one to recite. In the first verse emphasis should be placed on the word “am,” and the question should be asked in a tone of surprise. Put your hand to your head in speaking of that “awful bump.”
In the next verse lift your right hand with a sudden motion and use any gesture with which you can best indicate the cracking of the whip. When you come to the words “off he threw me,” use the gesture in Figure 24 of Typical Gestures. Emphasize the word “he” in the last line.
In verse three open your eyes in half wonder and put on an expressive smile as you speak of grandma’s pies, cakes, doughnuts, tarts, etc. Make it plain that you enjoy your visit to grandma’s.
With elevated voice and accents of delight refer to the gift of the little pony in the last verse. Speak the first “ho!” rather quickly; then prolong the sound on the second “ho!” In the last line the words “am I?” are emphatic. You are puzzled to know how many little boys you are. Pause a moment and look as if expecting an answer.
Nothing renders a recitation more acceptable to any audience than snatches of music, some of the words being sung, if the reader has a voice for singing. The change from reciting to singing should be made easily, and you should be fully confident that you can carry through the part to be expressed by the notes of music, and sing the words effectively.
This will require practice, but will repay you for the time spent in preparation. Selections for song and recital combined are here presented, which cannot fail to captivate your audience if they are skillfully rendered.
The words to be sung, or that should receive the prolonged sound indicated by the notes, are printed in italics. Remember you are calling to some one in the distance.
The words to be sung are printed in italics.
[Repeat words with music.]
The words to be sung are in italics.
[Repeat the part to be sung.]
The words in italics are to be sung.
[Repeat the words with music.]
Sing the words printed in italics.
A COMIC DUET.
The persons who present this recital should appear in Quaker costume and stand near each other, face to face. It can be made very amusing. The change from reciting to singing adds greatly to the effect. Sing the words in italics, and make appropriate gestures.
Arkansaw Pete, a frontier-backwoodsman, who sings the solo. Chorus, three lively city gentlemen.
Speak the words in italics with full, earnest tones of command. Then change easily to a manner suited to animated description. An excellent selection for one who can make these changes effectively.
Admirably suited to rapid utterance, vivid description and full tones on an elevated key. Hurrah in the last lines as you would if you saw the enemy routed on the field of battle.
Hold your body erect, but not awkwardly stiff, let every nerve be tense, your voice full and round, and let your manner indicate that you have a grand story to relate, as you recite Admiral Schley’s thrilling description of the great naval battle at Santiago. You are depicting the scene as though you were there and yourself won the brilliant victory.
One hour before the Spaniards appeared my quartermaster on the Brooklyn reported to me that Cervera’s fleet was coaling up. This was just what I expected, and we prepared everything for a hot reception. Away over the hills great clouds of smoke could be faintly seen rising up to the sky. A little later and the smoke began to move towards the mouth of the harbor. The black cloud wound in and out along the narrow channel, and every eye on board the vessels in our fleet strained with expectation.
The sailor boys were silent for a full hour and the grim old vessels lay back like tigers waiting to pounce upon their prey. Suddenly the whole Spanish fleet shot out of the mouth of the channel. It was the grandest spectacle I ever witnessed. The flames were pouring out of the funnels, and as it left the channel the fleet opened fire with every gun on board. Their guns were worked as rapidly as possible, and shells were raining around like hail.
It was a grand charge. My first impression was that of a lot of maddened bulls, goaded to desperation, dashing at their tormentors. The storm of projectiles and shells was the hottest imaginable. I wondered where they all came from. Just as the vessels swung around the Brooklyn opened up with three shells, and almost simultaneously the rest of the fleet fired. Our volley was a terrible shock to the Spaniards, and so surprised them that they must have been badly rattled.
When our fleet swung around and gave chase, we not only had to face the fire from the vessels, but were bothered by a cross-fire from the forts on either side, which opened on our fleet as soon as the Spaniards shot out of the harbor. The engagement[139] lasted three hours, but I hardly knew what time was. I remember crashing holes through the Spanish Admiral’s flagship, the Maria Teresa, and giving chase to the Colon.
I was on the bridge of the Brooklyn during the whole engagement, and at times the smoke was so dense that I could not see three yards ahead of me. The shells from the enemy’s fleet were whistling around and bursting everywhere, except where they could do some damage. I seemed to be the only thing on the vessel not protected by heavy armor, and oh! how I would have liked to get behind some of that armor!
I don’t know how I kept my head, but I do know that I surprised myself by seeing and knowing all that was going on, and I could hear my voice giving orders to do just what my head thought was right, while my heart was trying to get beneath the shelter of the armored deck. How do I account for such a victory with so little loss? That would mean how do I account for the rain of Spanish shell not doing more execution? They fought nobly and desperately, but they were not a match for our Yankee officers and sailors.
I was proud of the boys in our fleet during that engagement. They knew just what their guns could do, and not one shot was wasted. Their conduct was wonderful. It was inspiring. It was magnificent. Men who can stand behind big guns and face a black storm of shells and projectiles as coolly as though nothing was occurring; men who could laugh because a shell had missed hitting them; men who could bet one another on shots and lay odds in the midst of the horrible crashing; men who could not realize that they were in danger—such men are wonders, and we have a whole navy of wonders.
Admiral W. S. Schley.
Let your tones of voice be strong and bold, not boisterous, and give to the most spirited lines full force. You are depicting a daring deed, and it must not be done in a weak, timid, hesitating way, but with strong utterance and emphasis. The sinking of the steam collier Merrimac was a famous exploit.
“Fighting Joe,” as he was familiarly called, was one of the most conspicuous and heroic figures in the battles fought around Santiago. Recite this tribute to the hero with feeling, and show by looks, tone and gestures that you appreciate the patriotism and valor of the famous commander of cavalry.
A graphic description of the great naval battle of Manila and Admiral Dewey’s overwhelming victory. Unless this recital is delivered in an animated, exultant manner, and with great oratorical force, the grand power of the description will be weakened, if not entirely lost. Put your whole soul into it.
For courage and dash there is no parallel in history to this action of the Spanish Admiral. He came, as he knew, to absolute destruction. There was one single hope. That was that the Spanish ship Cristobal Colon would steam faster than the American ship Brooklyn. The spectacle of two torpedo-boat destroyers, paper shells at best, deliberately steaming out in broad daylight in the face of the fire of battleships can only be described in one way. It was Spanish, and it was ordered by the Spanish General Blanco. The same may be said of the entire movement.
In contrast to the Spanish fashion was the cool, deliberate Yankee work. The American squadron was without sentiment apparently. The ships went at their Spanish opponents and literally tore them to pieces. Admiral Cervera was taken aboard the Iowa from the Gloucester, which had rescued him, and he was received with a full Admiral’s guard. The crew of the Iowa crowded aft over the turrets, half naked and black with[143] powder, as Cervera stepped over the side bareheaded. The crew cheered vociferously. The Admiral submitted to the fortunes of war with a grace that proclaimed him a thoroughbred.
The officers of the Spanish ship Vizcaya said they simply could not hold their crews at the guns on account of the rapid fire poured upon them. The decks were flooded with water from the fire hose, and the blood from the wounded made this a dark red. Fragments of bodies floated in this along the gun deck. Every instant the crack of exploding shells told of new havoc.
The torpedo boat Ericsson was sent by the flagship to the help of the Iowa in the rescue of the Vizcaya’s crew. Her men saw a terrible sight. The flames, leaping out from the huge shot holes in the Vizcaya’s sides, licked up the decks, sizzling the flesh of the wounded who were lying there shrieking for help. Between the frequent explosions there came awful cries and groans from the men pinned in below. This carnage was chiefly due to the rapidity of the American fire.
From two 6-pounders 400 shells were fired in fifty minutes. Up in the tops the marines banged away with 1-pounders, too excited to step back to duck as the shells whistled over them. One gunner of a secondary battery under a 12-inch gun was blinded by smoke and saltpetre from the turret, and his crew were driven off, but sticking a wet handkerchief over his face, with holes cut for his eyes, he stuck to his gun.
Finally, as the 6-pounders were so close to the 8-inch turret as to make it impossible to stay there with safety, the men were ordered away before the big gun was fired, but they refused to leave. When the 3-inch gun was fired, the concussion blew two men of the smaller gun’s crew ten feet from their guns and threw them to the deck as deaf as posts. Back they went again, however, and were again blown away, and finally had to be dragged away from their stations. Such bravery and such dogged determination under the heavy fire were of frequent occurrence on all the ships engaged.
Captain R. D. Evans.
The first American flag, including the thirteen stars and stripes, was made by Mrs. Betsey Ross, a Quaker lady of Philadelphia. Recite these lines in an easy, conversational manner, yet with animation. In this and similar recitations never let your voice sink down into your throat, as if you were just ready to faint away. Your delivery should never be dull, least of all in patriotic pieces.
In reciting this piece give stress and emphasis to the words, “the Tenth at La Quasina.” You are praising the valor of this regiment, and should not do it in a doubtful or hesitating manner.
To be delivered with full, ringing tones. You are an exultant patriot, picturing the glorious deeds of our American army. This selection affords opportunity for very effective gestures.
The battleships Brooklyn, Oregon and Texas pushed ahead after the Spanish ships Colon and Almirante Oquendo, which were now running the race of their lives along the coast. When Admiral Cervera’s flagship, the Almirante Oquendo, suddenly headed in shore, she had the Brooklyn and Oregon abeam and the Texas astern. The Brooklyn and Oregon pushed on after the Cristobal Colon, which was making fine time, and which looked as if she might escape, leaving the Texas to finish the Almirante Oquendo. This work did not take long. The Spanish ship was already burning. Just as the Texas got abeam of her she was shaken by a loud and mighty explosion.
The crew of the Texas started to cheer. “Don’t cheer, because the poor devils are dying!” called Captain Philip, and the Texas left the Almirante Oquendo to her fate to join in the chase of the Cristobal Colon.
That ship, in desperation, was ploughing the waters at a rate that caused the fast Brooklyn trouble. The Oregon made great speed for a battleship, and the Texas made the effort of her life. Never since her trial trip had she made such time. The Brooklyn might have proved a match to the Cristobal Colon in speed, but was not supposed to be her match in strength.
It would never do to allow even one of the Spanish ships to get away. Straight into the west the strongest chase of modern times took place. The Brooklyn headed the pursuers. She stood well out from the shore in order to try to cut off the Cristobal Colon at a point jutting out into the sea far ahead. The Oregon kept a middle course about a mile from the cruiser. The Desperate Don ran close along the shore, and now and then he threw a shell of defiance. The old Texas kept well up in the chase under forced draught for over two hours.
The fleet Spaniard led the Americans a merry chase, but she had no chance. The Brooklyn gradually forged ahead, so that the escape of the Cristobal Colon was cut off. The Oregon was abeam of the Colon then, and the gallant Don gave it up. He headed for the shore, and five minutes later down came the Spanish flag. None of our ships[147] were then within a mile of her, but her escape was cut off. The Texas, Oregon and Brooklyn closed in on her, and stopped their engines a few hundred yards away.
With the capture of the Cristobal Colon the battle was ended, and there was great rejoicing on all our ships. Meantime the New York, with Admiral Sampson on board, and the Vixen were coming up on the run. Commodore Schley signalled to Admiral Sampson: “We have won a great victory.”
There is a strain of gladness, a tone of rejoicing in this selection, which requires a spirited delivery and full volume of voice. Patriotic emotions should always be expressed in an exultant, joyous manner by voice, attitude and gestures.
Speak the names of persons in this recitation, exactly as you would if you were the orderly calling the roll, or the private in the ranks who is answering. The general character of the selection is pathetic; recite it with subdued and tender force.
This striking poem is an American classic. Two lines alone, if there were no others, are enough to give it immortal fame:
The sinking of the ship Merrimac at the mouth of Santiago harbor, by Lieutenant Hobson, was one of the most daring exploits on record. It is here told in his own words. Although this selection is simple narrative, you should recite it in a spirited manner, with strong tones of voice, and show by your demeanor and expression that you are relating an event worthy of admiration.
The figures printed in the text refer you to the corresponding numbers in “Typical Gestures,” near the beginning of Part II. of this volume. Use other gestures that are appropriate, not in a stiff awkward way, but gracefully, making them appear, not forced, but natural.
I did not miss the entrance to the harbor, I turned east until I got my bearings and then made6 for it, straight in. Then came the firing. It was grand,11 flashing out first from one side of the harbor and then from the other, from those big guns2 on the hills, the Spanish ship Vizcaya, lying inside the harbor, joining in.
Troops from Santiago had rushed down when the news of the Merrimac’s coming was telegraphed and soon lined the foot of the cliff, firing wildly across and killing each other with the cross fire. The Merrimac’s steering gear broke as she got to Estrella Point. Only three of the torpedoes on her side exploded when I touched the button. A huge submarine mine caught her full amidships, hurling the water high in the air and tearing25 a great rent in the Merrimac’s side.
Her stern ran upon Estrella Point. Chiefly owing to the work done by the mine she began to sink slowly. At that time she was across the channel, but before she settled the tide drifted her around. We were all aft, lying on the deck. Shells13 and bullets whistled around. Six-inch shells from the Vizcaya came tearing into the Merrimac, crashing into wood and iron and passing clear through while the plunging shots from the fort broke through her decks.
“Not a man3 must move,” I said, and it was only owing to the splendid discipline of the men that we all were not killed, as the shells rained over us and minutes became hours of suspense. The men’s mouths grew parched, but we must lie there till daylight, I told them. Now and again one or the other of the men lying with his face glued to the deck and wondering whether the next shell would not come our way would say: “Hadn’t3 we better drop off now, sir?” but I said: “Wait12 till daylight.”
It would have been impossible to get the catamaran or raft anywhere but to the shore, where the soldiers stood shooting, and I hoped that by daylight we might be recognized and saved. The grand old Merrimac kept sinking. I wanted to go forward and see the damage done there, where nearly all the fire was directed, but one man said that if I rose it would draw all the fire on the rest. So I lay motionless. It was splendid11 the way these men behaved. The fire6 of the soldiers, the batteries and the Vizcaya was awful.
When the water came up on the Merrimac’s decks the raft floated amid the wreckage, but she was still made fast to the boom, and we caught hold23 of the edge and clung on, our heads only being above water. One man thought we were safer right6 there; it was quite light; the firing had ceased, except that on the launch which followed to rescue us, and I feared20 Ensign Powell and his men had been killed.
A Spanish launch2 came toward the Merrimac. We agreed to capture her and run. Just as she came close the Spaniards saw us, and a half-dozen marines jumped up and pointed2 their rifles at our heads. “Is there any officer in that boat to receive a surrender of prisoners of war?” I shouted. An old man leaned out under the awning and held out6 his hand. It was the Spanish Admiral Cervera.
The following glowing tributes to our American Flag afford excellent selections for any patriotic occasion. They make suitable recitations for children at celebrations on the Fourth of July, Washington’s birthday, etc.
On the third day of July, 1776, Cæsar Rodney rode on horseback from St. James’s Neck, below Dover, Delaware, to Philadelphia, in a driving rain storm, for the purpose of voting for the Declaration of Independence.
This is an excellent reading for quick changes of voice and manner. To render it well will prove that you have genuine dramatic ability. You should study this selection carefully and practice it until you are the complete master of it. It requires a great deal of life and spirit, with changes of voice from the low tone to the loud call. For the most part your utterance should be rapid, yet distinct.
The last battle of the Civil War was at Brazos, Texas, May 13, 1865, resulting in the surrender of the Texan army. Recite this in a conversational tone, as you would tell any story.
One Fourth of July, when Abraham Lincoln was a boy, he heard an oration by old ’Squire Godfrey. As in the olden days, the ’Squire’s oration was full of Washington; inspiring in the heart of young Lincoln an enthusiasm that sent him home burning with a desire to know more of the great man who heretofore had seemed more of a dream than a reality. Learning that a man some six miles up the creek owned a copy of Washington’s life, Abraham did not rest that night until he had footed the whole distance and begged the loan of the book.
“Sartin, sartin,” said the owner. “The book is fairly well worn, but no leaves are missin’, and a lad keen enough to read as to walk six miles to get a book, ought to be encouraged.”
It was a much-worn copy of Weem’s “Life of Washington,” and Abe, thanking the stranger for his kindness, walked back under the stars, stopping every little while to catch a glimpse of the features of the “Father of his Country” as shown in the frontispiece.
After reaching home, tired as he was, he could not close his eyes until, by the light of a pine knot, he had found out all that was recorded regarding the boyhood of the man who had so suddenly sprung into prominence in his mind. In that busy harvest season he had no time to read or study during the day, but every night, long after the other members of the family were sleeping peacefully, Abe lay, stretched upon the floor with his book on the hearth, reading, reading, reading, the pine knot in the fireplace furnishing all the light he needed, the fire within burning with such intense heat as to kindle a blaze that grew and increased until it placed him in the highest seat of his countrymen.
What a marvelous insight into the human heart did Abraham Lincoln get between the covers of that wonderful book. The little cabin grew to be a paradise as he learned from the printed pages the story of one great man’s life. The barefooted boy in buckskin breeches, so shrunken that they reached only halfway between the knee and ankle, actually asked himself whether there might not be some place—great and honorable, awaiting him in the future.
Before this treasured “Life of Washington” was returned to its owner, it met with such a mishap as almost to ruin it. The[155] book, which was lying on a board upheld by two pegs, was soaked by the rain that dashed between the logs one night, when a storm beat with unusual force against the north end of the cabin. Abraham was heartbroken over the catastrophe, and sadly carried the book back to its owner, offering to work to pay for the damage done. The man consented, and the borrower worked for three days at seventy-five cents a day, and thus himself became the possessor of the old, faded, stained book—a book that had more to do with shaping his life, perhaps, than any one other thing.
Abe had not expected to take the book back with him, but merely to pay for the damage done, and was surprised when the man handed it to him when starting. He was very grateful, however, and when he gave expression to his feelings the old man said, patting him on the shoulder: “You have earned it, my boy, and are welcome to it. It’s a mighty fine thing to have a head for books, just as fine to have a heart for honesty, and if you keep agoin’ as you have started, maybe some day you’ll git to be President yourself. President Abraham Lincoln! That would sound fust rate, fust rate, now, wouldn’t it, sonny?”
“It’s not a very handsome name, to be sure,” Abe replied, looking as though he thought such an event possible, away off, in the future. “No, it’s not a very very handsome name, but I guess it’s about as handsome as its owner,” he added, glancing at the reflection of his homely features in the little old-fashioned, cracked mirror hanging opposite where he sat.
“Handsome is that handsome does,” said the old farmer, nodding his gray head in an approving style. “Yes, indeedy; handsome deeds make handsome men. We hain’t a nation of royal idiots, with one generation of kings passin’ away to make room for another. No, sir-ee. In this free country of ourn, the rich and poor stand equal chances, and a boy without money is just as likely to work up to the Presidential chair as the one who inherits from his parents lands and stocks and money and influence. It’s brains that counts in this land of liberty, and Abraham Lincoln has just as much right to sit in the highest seat in the land as Washington’s son himself, if he had had a son, which he hadn’t.”
Who knows but the future War President of this great Republic received his first aspirations from this kindly neighbor’s words?
One of the famous battles of the Revolution was that of Monmouth, New Jersey, which was fought on the 28th of June, 1778. General Washington was in command on the American side, and General Sir Henry Clinton was commander-in-chief of the British forces. The British troops met with a decisive defeat. The wife of an Irish gunner on the American side who went by the name of Molly had followed her husband to the battle. During the engagement he was shot down. With the most undaunted heroism Molly rushed forward and took his place at the gun and remained there throughout the thickest of the fight. In reciting this graphic account of her courageous deed you should show great spirit and animation, pointing her out as she takes her husband’s place, and in glowing manner describe her patriotism.
Acting Sergeant J. A. McIlrath, Battery H, Third Artillery, Regulars; enlisted from New York; fifteen years’ service. The heroism of our brave Regulars in the War with Spain was the theme of universal admiration. Throw plenty of life and fire into this reading, and avoid a sing-song tone.
If you should read or recite this tragic selection in a dull monotone, as most persons read poetry, the effect would be ludicrous. The brave captain is dying. With gasping utterance, signs of weakness and appealing looks, his words should be delivered. Some of the sentences should be whispered. Do not attempt to recite this piece until you have mastered it and can render it with telling effect. It demands the trained powers of a competent elocutionist.
With the United States Flag Flying at all their mastheads, our ships moved to the attack in line ahead, with a speed of eight knots, first passing in front of Manila, where the action was begun by three batteries mounting guns powerful enough to send a shell over us at a distance of five miles. The Concord’s guns boomed out a reply to these batteries with two shots. No more were fired, because Admiral Dewey could not engage with these batteries without sending death and destruction into the crowded city.
As we neared Cavite two very powerful submarine mines were exploded ahead of the flagship. The Spaniards had misjudged our position. Immense volumes of water were thrown high in air by these destroyers, but no harm was done to our ships.
Admiral Dewey had fought with Farragut at New Orleans and Mobile Bay, where he had his first experience with torpedoes. Not knowing how many more mines there might be ahead, he still kept on without faltering. No other mines exploded, however, and it is believed that the Spaniards had only these two in place.
Only a few minutes later the shore battery at Cavite Point sent over the flagship a shot that nearly hit the battery in Manila, but soon the guns got a better range, and the shells began to strike near us, or burst close aboard from both the batteries and the Spanish vessels. The heat was intense. Men stripped off all clothing except their trousers.
As the Admiral’s flagship, the Olympia, drew nearer all was as silent on board as if the ship had been empty, except for the whirr of blowers and the throb of the engines.[161] Suddenly a shell burst directly over us. From the boatswain’s mate at the after 5-inch gun came a hoarse cry. “Remember the Maine!” arose from the throats of five hundred men at the guns. This watchword was caught up in turrets and fire-rooms, wherever seaman or fireman stood at his post.
“Remember the Maine!” had rung out for defiance and revenge. Its utterance seemed unpremeditated, but was evidently in every man’s mind, and, now that the moment had come to make adequate reply to the murder of the Maine’s crew, every man shouted what was in his heart.
The Olympia was now ready to begin the fight. “You may fire when ready, Captain Gridley,” said the Admiral, and at nineteen minutes of six o’clock, at a distance of 5,500 yards, the starboard 8-inch gun in the forward turret roared forth a compliment to the Spanish forts. Presently similar guns from the Baltimore and the Boston sent 250-pound shells hurtling toward the Spanish ships Castilla and the Reina Christina for accuracy. The Spaniards seemed encouraged to fire faster, knowing exactly our distance, while we had to guess theirs. Their ship and shore guns were making things hot for us.
The piercing scream of shot was varied often by the bursting of time fuse shells, fragments of which would lash the water like shrapnel or cut our hull and rigging. One large shell that was coming straight at the Olympia’s forward bridge fortunately fell within less than one hundred feet away. One fragment cut the rigging exactly over the heads of some of the officers. Another struck the bridge gratings in line with it. A third passed just under Dewey and gouged a hole in the deck. Incidents like these were plentiful.
“Capture and destroy Spanish squadron,” were Dewey’s orders. Never were instructions more effectually carried out. Within seven hours after arriving on the scene of action nothing remained to be done. The Admiral closed the day by anchoring off the city of Manila and sending word to the Governor General that if a shot was fired from the city at the fleet he would lay Manila in ashes.
What was Dewey’s achievement? He steamed into Manila Bay at the dead hour of the night, through the narrower of the two channels, and as soon as there was daylight enough to grope his way about he put his ships in line of battle and brought on an engagement, the greatest in many respects in ancient or modern warfare. The results are known the world over—every ship in the Spanish fleet destroyed, the harbor Dewey’s own, his own ships safe from the shore batteries, owing to the strategic position he occupied, and Manila his whenever he cared to take it.
Henceforth, so long as ships sail and flags wave, high on the scroll that bears the names of the world’s greatest naval heroes will be written that of George Dewey.
This is an excellent selection for any one who can put dramatic force into its recital. Picture to your imagination the “Sinking of the Ships,” and then describe it to your hearers as though the actual scene were before you. You have command in these words, “Now, sailors, stand by,” etc.; rapid utterance in these words, “And the Oregon flew,” etc.; subdued tenderness in the words, “Giving mercy to all,” etc. In short, the whole piece affords an excellent opportunity for intense dramatic description.
Perry’s famous battle on Lake Erie raised the spirits of the Americans. The British had six ships, with sixty-three guns. The Americans had nine ships, with fifty-four guns, and the American ships were much smaller than the English. At this time Perry, the American commander, was but twenty-six years of age. His flagship was the Lawrence. The ship’s watchword was the last charge of the Chesapeake’s dying Commander—“Don’t give up the ship.” The battle was witnessed by thousands of people on shore.
At first the advantage seemed to be with the English. Perry’s flagship was riddled by English shots, her guns were dismounted and the battle seemed lost. At the supreme crisis Perry embarked in a small boat with some of his officers, and under the fire of many cannon passed to the Niagara, another ship of the fleet, of which he took command.
After he had left the Lawrence she hauled down her flag and surrendered, but the other American ships carried on the battle with such fierce impetuosity that the English battle-ship in turn surrendered, the Lawrence was retaken and all the English ships yielded with the exception of one, which took flight. The Americans pursued her, took her and came back with the entire British squadron. In the Capitol at Washington is a historical picture showing this famous victory.
In Perry’s great battle on Lake Erie was shown the true stuff of which American sailors are made. Perry was young, bold and dashing, but withal, he had the coolness and intrepidity of the veteran. History records few braver acts than his passage in an open boat from one ship to another under the galling fire of the enemy.
The grand achievements of the American navy are brilliant chapters in our country’s history. When the time comes for daring deeds, our gallant tars are equal to the occasion. Coolness in battle, splendid discipline, perfect marksmanship and a patriotism that glories in the victory of the Stars and Stripes, combine to place the officers and men of our navy in the front rank of the world’s greatest heroes.
General Wolfe, the English commander, saw that he must take Quebec by his own efforts or not at all. He attempted several diversions above the city in the hope of drawing Montcalm, the French commander, from his intrenchments into the open field, but Montcalm merely sent De Bougainville with fifteen hundred men to watch the shore above Quebec and prevent a landing. Wolfe fell into a fever, caused by his anxiety, and his despatches to his government created the gravest uneasiness in England for the success of his enterprise.
Though ill, Wolfe examined the river with eagle eyes to detect some place at which a[164] landing could be attempted. His energy was rewarded by his discovery of the cove which now bears his name. From the shore at the head of this cove a steep and difficult pathway, along which two men could scarcely march abreast, wound up to the summit of the heights and was guarded by a small force of Canadians.
Wolfe at once resolved to effect a landing here and ascend the heights by this path. The greatest secrecy was necessary to the success of the undertaking, and in order to deceive the French as to his real design, Captain Cook, afterwards famous as a great navigator, was sent to take soundings and place buoys opposite Montcalm’s camp, as if that were to be the real point of attack. The morning of the thirteenth of September was chosen for the movement, and the day and night of the twelfth were spent in preparations for it.
At one o’clock on the morning of the thirteenth a force of about five thousand men under Wolfe, with Monckton and Murray, set off in boats from the fleet, which had ascended the river several days before, and dropped down to the point designated for the landing. Each officer was thoroughly informed of the duties required of him, and each shared the resolution of the gallant young commander, to conquer or to die. As the boats floated down the stream, in the clear, cool starlight, Wolfe spoke to his officers of the poet Gray, and of his “Elegy in a Country Churchyard.” “I would prefer,” said he, “being the author of that poem to the glory of beating the French to-morrow.” Then in a musing voice he repeated the lines:
In a short while the landing-place was reached, and the fleet, following silently, took position to cover the landing if necessary. Wolfe and his immediate command leaped ashore and secured the pathway. The light infantry, who were carried by the tide a little below the path, climbed up the side of the heights, sustaining themselves by clinging to the roots and shrubs which lined the precipitous face of the hill. They reached the summit and drove off the picket-guard after a light skirmish. The rest of the troops ascended in safety by the pathway. Having gained the heights, Wolfe moved forward rapidly to clear the forest, and by daybreak his army was drawn up on the Heights of Abraham, in the rear of the city.
Montcalm was speedily informed of the presence of the English. “It can be but a small party come to burn a few houses and retire,” he answered incredulously. A brief examination satisfied him of his danger, and he exclaimed in amazement: “Then they have at last got to the weak side of this miserable garrison. We must give battle and crush them before mid-day.”
He at once despatched a messenger for De Bougainville, who was fifteen miles up the river, and marched from his camp opposite the city to the Heights of Abraham to drive the English from them. The opposing forces were about equal in numbers, though the English troops were superior to their adversaries in discipline, steadiness and determination.
The battle began about ten o’clock and was stubbornly contested. It was at length decided in favor of the English. Wolfe though wounded several times, continued to direct his army until, as he was leading them to a final charge, he received a musket ball in the breast. He tottered and called to an officer near him: “Support me; let not my brave fellows see me drop.” He[165] was borne tenderly to the rear, and water was brought him to quench his thirst.
At this moment the officer upon whom he was leaning cried out: “They run! they run!” “Who run?” asked the dying hero, eagerly. “The French,” said the officer, “give way everywhere.” “What,” said Wolfe, summoning up his remaining strength, “do they run already? Go, one of you, to Colonel Burton; bid him march Webb’s regiment with all speed to Charles River to cut off the fugitives.” Then a smile of contentment overspreading his pale features, he murmured: “Now, God be praised, I die happy,” and expired. He had done his whole duty, and with his life had purchased an empire for his country.
James D. McCabe.
At the battle of the Pyramids, July 21st, A.D. 1798.
Washington, who, at this time, was a subordinate officer, was well convinced that the French and Indians were informed of the movements of the army and would seek to interfere with it before its arrival at Fort Duquesne, which was only ten miles distant, and urged Braddock to throw in advance the Virginia Rangers, three hundred strong, as they were experienced Indian fighters.
Braddock angrily rebuked his aide, and as if to make the rebuke more pointed, ordered the Virginia troops and other provincials to take position in the rear of the regulars.
In the meantime the French at Fort Duquesne had been informed by their scouts of Braddock’s movements, and had resolved to ambuscade him on his march. Early on the morning of the ninth a force of about two hundred and thirty French and Canadians and six hundred and thirty-seven Indians, under De Beaujeu, the commandant at Fort Duquesne, was despatched with orders to occupy a designated spot and attack the enemy upon their approach. Before reaching it, about two o’clock in the afternoon, they encountered the advanced force of the English army, under Lieutenant-Colonel Thomas Gage, and at once attacked them with spirit.
The English army at this moment was moving along a narrow road, about twelve feet in width, with scarcely a scout thrown out in advance or upon the flanks. The engineer who was locating the road was the first to discover the enemy, and called out: “French and Indians!” Instantly a heavy fire was opened upon Gage’s force, and his indecision allowed the French and Indians to seize a commanding ridge, from which they maintained their attack with spirit.
The regulars were quickly thrown into confusion by the heavy fire and the fierce yells of the Indians, who could nowhere be seen, and their losses were so severe and sudden that they became panic-stricken.
The only semblance of resistance maintained by the English was by the Virginia Rangers, whom Braddock had insulted at the beginning of the day’s march. Immediately upon the commencement of the battle, they had adopted the tactics of the Indians, and had thrown themselves behind trees, from which shelter they were rapidly picking off the Indians. Washington entreated Braddock to follow the example of the Virginians, but he refused, and stubbornly endeavored to form them in platoons under the fatal fire that was being poured upon them by their hidden assailants. Thus through his obstinacy many useful lives were lost.
The officers did not share the panic of the men, but behaved with the greatest gallantry. They were the especial marks of the Indian sharpshooters, and many of them were killed or wounded. Two of Braddock’s aides were seriously wounded, and their duties devolved upon Washington in addition to his own. He passed repeatedly over the field, carrying the orders of the commander and encouraging the men. When sent to bring up the artillery, he found it surrounded by Indians, its commander, Sir Peter Halket, killed, and the men standing helpless from fear.
Springing from his horse, he appealed to the men to save the guns, pointed a field-piece and discharged it at the savages and entreated the gunners to rally. He could accomplish nothing by either his words or example. The men deserted the guns and fled. In a letter to his brother, Washington wrote: “I had four bullets through my coat, two horses shot under me, yet escaped unhurt, though death was levelling my companions on every side around me.”
James D. McCabe.
This selection demands great vivacity and intense dramatic expression. Each reference to the life-boat requires rapid utterance, elevated pitch and strong tones of command. Point to the life-boat; you are to see it, and make your audience see it. They will see it in imagination if you do; that is, if you speak and act as if you stood on the shore and actually saw the life-boat hurrying to the rescue.
The general character of this selection is intensely dramatic. It is a most excellent piece for any one who has the ability and training to do it full justice. The emotions of agony, horror and exultation are here, and should be made prominent. Let the cry of “Fire!” ring out in startling tones, and let your whole manner correspond with the danger and the excitement of the scene. The rate throughout should be rapid.
The figures in the text refer you to the corresponding numbers of Typical Gestures, at the beginning of Part II of this volume. Insert other gestures of your own.
It is the Fourth day of July, 1776.
In the old State House in the city of Philadelphia are gathered half a hundred men to strike from their limbs the shackles of British despotism. There is silence in the hall—every face is turned toward the door where the committee of three, who have been out all night penning a parchment, are soon to enter. The door opens, the committee appears. The tall man with the sharp features, the bold brow, and the sand-hued hair, holding the parchment in his hand, is a Virginia farmer, Thomas Jefferson. That stout-built man with stern look and flashing eye, is a Boston man, one John Adams. And that calm-faced man with hair drooping in thick curls to his shoulders, that is the Philadelphia printer, Benjamin Franklin.
The three advance to the table.
The parchment is laid there.
Shall it be signed or not? A fierce debate ensues, Jefferson speaks a few bold words. Adams pours out his whole soul. The deep-toned voice of Lee is heard, swelling in syllables of thunder like music. But still there is doubt, and one pale-faced man whispers something about axes, scaffolds and a gibbet.
“Gibbet?” echoed a fierce, bold voice through the hall. “Gibbet? They may stretch our necks on all the gibbets in the land; they may turn every rock into a scaffold; every tree into a gallows; every home into a grave, and yet the words of that parchment there can never die! They may pour our blood on a thousand scaffolds, and yet from every drop that dyes the axe a new champion of freedom will spring into birth. The British King may blot out the stars of God from the sky, but he cannot blot out His words written on that parchment there. The works of God may perish. His words never!
“The words of this declaration will live in the world long after our bones are dust. To the mechanic in his workshop they will speak hope; to the slave in the mines, freedom; but to the coward-kings, these words will speak in tones of warning they cannot choose but hear.
“They will be terrible as the flaming syllables on Belshazzar’s wall! They will speak in language startling as the trump of the Archangel, saying: ‘You have trampled on mankind long enough! At last the voice of human woe has pierced the ear of God, and[170] called His judgment down! You have waded to thrones through rivers of blood; you have trampled on the necks of millions of fellow-beings. Now kings, now purple hangmen, for you come the days of axes and gibbets and scaffolds.’
“Such is the message of that declaration to mankind, to the kings of earth. And shall we falter now? And shall we start back appalled when our feet touch the very threshold of Freedom?
“Sign that parchment! Sign, if the next moment the gibbet’s rope is about your neck! Sign, if the next minute this hall rings with the clash of the falling axes! Sign by all your hopes in life or death as men, as husbands, as fathers, brothers, sign your names to the parchment, or be accursed forever!
“Sign, and not only for yourselves, but for all ages, for that parchment will be the textbook of freedom—the Bible of the rights of men forever. Nay, do not start and whisper with surprise! It is truth, your own hearts witness it; God proclaims it. Look at this strange history of a band of exiles and outcasts, suddenly transformed into a people—a handful of men weak in arms—but mighty in God-like faith; nay, look at your recent achievements, your Bunker Hill, your Lexington, and then tell me, if you can, that God has not given America to be free!
“It is not given to our poor human intellect to climb to the skies, and to pierce the councils of the Almighty One. But methinks I stand among the awful clouds which veil the brightness of Jehovah’s throne.
“Methinks I see the recording angel come trembling up to that throne to speak his dread message. ‘Father, the old world is baptized in blood. Father, look with one glance of thine eternal eye, and behold evermore that terrible sight, man trodden beneath the oppressor’s feet, nations lost in blood, murder and superstition walking hand in hand over the graves of their victims, and not a single voice to whisper hope to man!’
“He stands there, the angel, trembling with the record of human guilt. But hark! The voice of Jehovah speaks out from the awful cloud: ‘Let there be light again! Tell my people, the poor and oppressed, to go out from the old world, from oppression and blood, and build my altar in the new!’
“As I live, my friends, I believe that to be His voice! Yes, were my soul trembling on the verge of eternity, were this hand freezing in death, were this voice choking in the last struggle, I would still with the last impulse of that soul, with the last wave of that hand, with the last gasp of that voice, implore you to remember this truth—God has given America to be free! Yes, as I sank into the gloomy shadows of the grave, with my last faint whisper I would beg you to sign that parchment for the sake of the millions whose very breath is now hushed in intense expectation as they look up to you for the awful words, ‘You are free!’”
The unknown speaker fell exhausted in his seat; but the work was done.
A wild murmur runs through the hall. “Sign!” There is no doubt now. Look how they rush forward! Stout-hearted John Hancock has scarcely time to sign his bold name before the pen is grasped by another—another and another. Look how the names blaze on the parchment! Adams and Lee, Jefferson and Carroll, Franklin and Sherman.
And now the parchment is signed.
Now, old man in the steeple, now bare your arm and let the bell speak! Hark to the music of that bell! Is there not a poetry in that sound, a poetry more sublime than that of Shakespeare and Milton? Is there not a music in that sound that reminds you of those[171] sublime tones which broke from angel lips when the news of the child Jesus burst on the hill-tops of Bethlehem? For the tones of that bell now come pealing, pealing, pealing, “Independence now and Independence forever.”
It used to be a custom to have a man go through the town ringing a bell and “crying” any thing was lost. You should imitate the crier, at the same time swinging your hand as if ringing a bell. This selection requires a great variety in the manner, pitch of the voice and gestures of the reader.
This is one of many recitations in this volume that have proved their popularity by actual test. “The Face on the Floor,” when well recited, holds the hearers spell-bound.
It will require all the dramatic power of which you are capable to recite this selection and do it full justice. Be wide-awake, quick in tone and gesture, shouting at one time, whispering at another, speaking with your whole body. The emotions of fear and horror are especially prominent.
It is two miles ahead to the foot-hills—two miles of parched turf and rocky space. To the right—the left—behind, is the rolling prairie. This broad valley strikes the Sierra Nevadas and stops as if a wall had been built across it.
Ride closer! What is this on the grass? A skull here—a rib there—bones scattered about as the wild beasts left them after the horrible feast. The clean-picked skull grins and stares—every bone and scattered lock of hair has its story of a tragedy. And what besides these relics? More bones—not scattered, but lying in heaps—a vertebra with ribs attached—a fleshless skull bleaching under the summer sun. Wolves! Yes. Count the heaps of bones and you will find nearly a score. Open boats are picked up at sea with neither life nor sign to betray their secret. Skeletons are found upon the prairie, but they tell a plain story to those who halt beside them. Let us listen:
Away off to the right you can see treetops. Away off to the left you can see the same sight. The skeleton is in line between the two points. He left one grove to ride to the other. To ride! Certainly; a mile[178] away is the skeleton of a horse or mule. The beast fell and was left there.
It is months since that ride, and the trail has been obliterated. Were it otherwise, and you took it up from the spot where the skeleton horse now lies, you would find the last three or four miles made at a tremendous pace.
“Step! step! step!”
What is it? Darkness has gathered over mountain and prairie as the hunter jogs along over the broken ground. Overhead the countless stars look down upon him—around him is the pall of night. There was a patter of footsteps on the dry grass. He halts and peers around him, but the darkness is too deep for him to discover any cause for alarm.
“Patter! patter! patter!”
There it is again! It is not fifty yards from where he last halted. The steps are too light for those of an Indian.
“Wolves!” whispers the hunter, as a howl suddenly breaks upon his ear.
Wolves! The gaunt, grizzly wolves of the foot-hills—thin and poor and hungry and savage—the legs tireless—the mouth full of teeth which can crack the shoulder-bone of a buffalo. He can see their dark forms flitting from point to point—the patter of their feet upon the parched grass proves that he is surrounded.
Now the race begins. A line of wolves spread out to the right and left, and gallops after—tongues out—eyes flashing—great flakes of foam flying back to blotch stone and grass and leave a trail to be followed by the cowardly coyotes.
Men ride thus only when life is the stake. A horse puts forth such speed only when terror follows close behind and causes every nerve to tighten like a wire drawn until the scratch of a finger makes it chord with a wail of despair. The line is there—aye! it is gaining! Inch by inch it creeps up, and the red eye takes on a more savage gleam as the hunter cries out to his horse and opens fire from his revolvers. A wolf falls on the right—a second on the left. Does the wind cease blowing because it meets a forest! The fall of one man in a mad mob increases the determination of the rest.
With a cry so full of the despair that wells up from the heart of the strong man when he gives up his struggle for life that the hunter almost believes a companion rides beside him, the horse staggers—recovers—plunges forward—falls to the earth. It was a glorious struggle; but he has lost.
There is a confused heap of snarling, fighting, maddened beasts, and the line rushes forward again. Saddle, bridle, and blanket are in shreds—the horse a skeleton. And now the chase is after the hunter. He has half a mile the start, and as he runs the veins stand out, the muscles tighten, and he wonders at his own speed. Behind him are the gaunt bodies and the tireless legs. Closer, closer, and now he is going to face fate like a brave man should. He has halted. In an instant a circle is formed about him—a circle of red eyes, foaming mouths, and yellow fangs which are to meet in his flesh.
There is an interval—a breathing spell. He looks up at the stars—out upon the night. It is his last hour, but there is no quaking—no crying out to the night to send him aid. As the wolves rest, a flash blinds their eyes—a second—a third—and a fourth, and they give before the man they had looked upon as their certain prey. But it is only for a moment. He sees them gathering for the rush, and firing his remaining bullets among them he seizes his long rifle by the barrel and braces to meet the shock. Even a savage would have admired the heroic fight he made for life. He sounds the war-cry and whirls his weapon around him, and wolf after wolf falls disabled. He feels a strange exultation over the desperate combat, and as the pack give way before his mighty blows a gleam of hope springs up in his heart.
It is only for a moment; then the circle narrows. Each disabled beast is replaced by three which hunger for blood. There is a rush—a swirl—and the cry of despair is drowned in the chorus of snarls as the pack fight over the feast.
The gray of morning—the sunlight of noonday—the stars of evening will look down upon grinning skull and whitening bones, and the wolf will return to crunch them again. Men will not bury them. They will look down upon them as we look, and ride away with a feeling that ’tis but another dark secret of the wonderful prairie.
The figures in the text of this piece indicate the gestures to be made, as shown in Typical Gestures, at the beginning of Part II. of this volume.
With distinct enunciation give the dialect in this piece, and assume the character of a countryman who is telling this story. Guard against being vulgar or too commonplace.
This selection is narrative, yet it is narrative intensely dramatic. Imagine the feelings of a parent who sees the “youngest of his babes” torn away from his embrace by a vulture and carried away in mid-air. Let your tones, attitudes and gestures all be strong. Picture the flight of a mountain eagle with uplifted arm, and depict with an expression of agony the grief of the parent.
After the disastrous defeat of the Americans on Long Island, Washington desired information respecting the British position and movements. Captain Nathan Hale, but twenty-one years old, volunteered to procure the information. He was taken and hanged as a spy the day after his capture, September 22, 1776. His patriotic devotion, and the brutal treatment he received at the hands of his captors, have suggested the following. Put your whole soul into this piece, especially Hale’s last speech. It rises to the sublime.
Adapted to the development of transition in pitch, and a very spirited utterance. When you are able to deliver this as Mr. Gough did, you may consider yourself a graduate in the art of elocution.
I remember once riding from Buffalo to the Niagara Falls. I said to a gentleman, “What river is that, sir?”
“That,” said he, “is Niagara River.”
“Well, it is a beautiful stream,” said I; “bright and fair and glassy. How far off are the rapids?”
“Only a mile or two,” was the reply.
“Is it possible that only a mile from us we shall find the water in the turbulence which it must show near the Falls?”
“You will find it so, sir.” And so I found it; and the first sight of Niagara I shall never forget.
Now, launch your bark on that Niagara River; it is bright, smooth, beautiful and glassy. There is a ripple at the bow; the silver wake you leave behind adds to your enjoyment. Down the stream you glide, oars, sails, and helm in proper trim, and you set out on your pleasure excursion.
Suddenly some one cries out from the bank, “Young men, ahoy!”
“What is it?”
“The rapids are below you!”
“Ha! ha! we have heard of the rapids; but we are not such fools as to get there. If we go too fast, then we shall up with the helm, and steer to the shore; we will set the mast in the socket, hoist the sail, and speed to the land. Then on, boys; don’t be alarmed, there is no danger.”
“Young men, ahoy there!”
“What is it?”
“The rapids are below you!”
“Ha! ha! we will laugh and quaff; all things delight us. What care we for the future? No man ever saw it. Sufficient for the day is the evil thereof. We will enjoy life while we may, will catch pleasure as it flies. This is enjoyment; time enough to steer out of danger when we are sailing swiftly with the current.”
“Young men, ahoy!”
“What is it?”
“Beware! beware! The rapids are below you!”
“Now you see the water foaming all around. See how fast you pass that point! Up with the helm! Now turn! Pull hard! Quick! quick! quick! pull for your lives! pull till the blood starts from your nostrils, and the veins stand like whip cords upon your brow! Set the mast in the socket! hoist the sail! Ah! ah! it is too late! Shrieking, blaspheming, over they go.”
Thousands go over the rapids of intemperance every year, through the power of habit, crying all the while, “When I find out that it is injuring me, I will give it up!”
John B. Gough.
The following lines were written by a comrade, on the death of Engineer Billy Ruffin, who lost his life by an accident that occurred on the Illinois Central Railroad, in Mississippi.
This is a picture of inordinate ambition. It should be represented by a voice of cold indifference to human suffering. The flame of selfish passion is wild and frenzied.
The figures refer you to the Typical Gestures at the beginning of Part II. of this volume. Use other gestures of your own. A good recital for animated description.
An intensely dramatic reading, requiring rapid changes of voice and gesture.
This soul-stirring account of the historic battle where thrones and empires were staked, is from the pen of the great French author whose famous descriptions are unsurpassed by those of any other writer. In reciting this piece every nerve must be tense, and soul and body must be animated by the imaginary sight of the contending armies. Your utterance should be somewhat rapid, the tones of your voice round and full, the words of command given as a general would give them on the field of battle, and you must picture to your hearers the thrilling scene in such a way that it may appear to be almost a reality. Otherwise, this very graphic description will fall flat, and the verdict of your audience will be that you were not equal to the occasion.
The sky had been overcast all day. All at once, at this very moment—it was eight o’clock at night—the clouds in the horizon broke, and through the elms of the Nivelles road streamed the sinister red light of the setting sun.
Arrangements were speedily made for the final effort. Each battalion was commanded by a general. When the tall caps of the Grenadiers of the Guard with their large eagle plates appeared, symmetrical, drawn up in line, calm in the smoke of that conflict, the enemy felt respect for France. They thought they saw twenty victories entering upon the field of battle with wings extended, and those who were conquerors thinking themselves conquered recoiled; but Wellington cried: “Up, Guards, and at them!”
The red regiment of English Guards, lying behind the hedges, rose up; a shower of grape riddled the tricolored flag. All hurled themselves forward, and the final carnage began. The Imperial Guard felt the army slipping away around them in the gloom and the vast overthrow of the rout. There were no weak souls or cowards there. The privates of that band were as heroic as their general. Not a man flinched from the suicide.
The army fell back rapidly from all sides at once. A disbanding army is a thaw. The whole bends, cracks, snaps, floats, rolls, falls, crashes, hurries, plunges. Ney borrows a horse, leaps upon him, and, without hat, cravat, or sword, plants himself in the Brussels road, arresting at once the English and the French. He endeavors to hold the army; he calls them back, he reproaches them, he grapples with the rout. He is swept away. The soldiers flee from him, crying, “Long live Ney!” Durutte’s two regiments come and go, frightened and tossed between the sabres of the Uhlans and the fire of the brigades of Kempt. Rout is the worst of all conflicts; friends slay each other in their flight; squadrons and battalions are crushed and dispersed against each other, enormous foam of the battle.
Napoleon gallops among the fugitives, harangues them, urges, threatens, entreats. The mouths which in the morning were crying “Long live the Emperor,” are now agape. He is hardly recognized. The Prussian cavalry, just come up, spring forward, fling themselves upon the enemy, sabre, cut, hack, kill, exterminate. Teams rush off; the guns are left to the care of themselves; the soldiers of the train unhitch the caissons and take the horses to escape; wagons upset, with their four wheels in the air, block up the road, and are accessories of massacre.
They crush and they crowd; they trample upon the living and the dead. Arms are broken. A multitude fills roads, paths bridges, plains, hills, valleys, woods, choked up by this flight of forty thousand men. Cries despair; knapsacks and muskets cast into the rye; passages forced at the point of the sword; no more comrades, no more officers, no more generals; an inexpressible dismay. Lions become kids. Such was this flight.
A few squares of the Guard, immovable in the flow of the rout as rocks in running water, held out until night. Night approaching and death also, they awaited this double shadow, and yielded unfaltering to its embrace. At every discharge the square grew less, but returned the fire. It replied to grape by bullets, narrowing in its four walls continually. Afar off, the fugitives, stopping for a moment out of breath, heard in the darkness this dismal thunder decreasing.
When this legion was reduced to a handful, when their flag was reduced to a shred, when their muskets, exhausted of ammunition, were reduced to nothing but clubs, when the pile of corpses was larger than the group of the living, there spread among the conquerors a sort of sacred terror about these sublime martyrs, and the English artillery, stopping to take breath, was silent. It was a kind of respite. These combatants had about them a swarm of spectres, the outlines of men on horseback, the black profile of the[194] cannons, the white sky seen through the wheels and gun-carriages. The colossal death’s head, which heroes always see in the smoke of the battle, was advancing upon them and glaring at them.
They could hear in the gloom of the twilight the loading of the pieces. The lighted matches, like tigers’ eyes in the night, made a circle about their heads. All the linstocks of the English batteries approached the guns, when, touched by their heroism, holding the death-moment suspended over these men, an English general cried to them:
“Brave Frenchmen, surrender!”
The word “Never!” fierce and desperate came rolling back.
To this word the English general replied, “Fire!”
The batteries flamed, the hill trembled; from all those brazen throats went forth a final vomiting of grape, terrific. A vast smoke, dusky white in the light of the rising moon, rolled out, and when the smoke was dissipated, there was nothing left. That formidable remnant was annihilated—the Guard was dead! The four walls of the living redoubt had fallen. Hardly could a quivering be distinguished here and there among the corpses; and thus the French legions expired.
Victor Hugo.
Translated from the French of Victor Hugo.
Slow utterance, rapid utterance, loud tones, subdued tones, quick changes and intense dramatic force are all required in this reading. Lose yourself in your recitation. Never be self-conscious.
It was the 7th of October, 1777. Horatio Gates stood before his tent gazing steadfastly upon the two armies now arrayed in order of battle. It was a clear, bracing day, mellow with the richness of Autumn. The sky was cloudless; the foliage of the wood scarce tinged with purple and gold; the buckwheat in yonder fields frostened into snowy ripeness. But the tread of legions shook the ground; from every bush shot the glimmer of the rifle barrel; on every hillside blazed the sharpened bayonet. Gates was sad and thoughtful, as he watched the evolutions of the two armies.
But all at once, a smoke arose, a thunder shook the ground, and a chorus of shouts and groans yelled along the darkened air. The play of death had begun. The two flags, this of the stars, that of the red cross, tossed amid the smoke of battle, while the sky was clouded with leaden folds, and the earth throbbed with the pulsations of a mighty heart. Suddenly, Gates and his officers were startled. Along the height on which they stood, came a rider, upon a black horse, rushing toward the distant battle.
There was something in the appearance of this horse and his rider, that struck them[197] with surprise. Look! he draws his sword, the sharp blade quivers through the air—he points to the distant battle, and lo! he is gone; gone through those clouds, while his shout echoes over the plains. Wherever the fight is the thickest, there through intervals of cannon smoke, you may see riding madly forward that strange soldier, mounted on his steed black as death. Look at him, as with face red with British blood he waves his sword and shouts to his legions. Now you may see him fighting in that cannon’s glare, and the next moment he is away off yonder, leading the forlorn hope up that steep cliff.
Is it not a magnificent sight, to see that strange soldier and that noble black horse dashing like a meteor, down the long columns of battle? Let us look for a moment into those dense war-clouds. Over this thick hedge bursts a band of American militia-men, their rude farmer coats stained with blood, while scattering their arms by the way, they flee before that company of redcoat hirelings, who come rushing forward, their solid front of bayonets gleaming in the battle light.
In this moment of their flight, a horse comes crashing over the plains. The unknown rider reins his steed back on his haunches, right in the path of a broad-shouldered militia-man. “Now, cowards! advance another step and I’ll strike you to the heart!” shouts the unknown, extending a pistol in either hand. “What! are you Americans, men, and fly before British soldiers? Back again, and face them once more, or I myself will ride you down.”
This appeal was not without its effect. The militia-man turns; his comrades, as if by one impulse, follow his example. In one line, but thirty men in all, they confront thirty sharp bayonets. The British advance.
“Now upon the rebels, charge!” shouts the red-coat officer. They spring forward at the same bound. Look! their bayonets almost touch the muzzles of their rifles. At this moment the voice of the unknown rider was heard: “Now let them have it! Fire!” A sound is heard, a smoke is seen, twenty Britons are down, some writhing in death, some crawling along the soil, and some speechless as stone. The remaining ten start back. “Club your rifles and charge them home!” shouts the unknown.
That black horse springs forward, followed by the militia-men. Then a confused conflict—a cry for quarter, and a vision of twenty farmers grouped around the rider of the black horse, greeting him with cheers. Thus it was all the day long. Wherever that black horse and his rider went, there followed victory. At last, toward the setting of the sun, the crisis of the conflict came. That fortress yonder, on Bemiss’ Heights, must be won, or the American cause is lost! That cliff is too steep—that death is too certain. The officers cannot persuade the men to advance. The Americans have lost the field. Even Morgan, that iron man among iron men, leans on his rifle and despairs of the field.
But look yonder! In this moment when all is dismay and horror, here crashing on, comes the black horse and his rider. That rider bends upon his steed, his frenzied face covered with sweat and dust and blood; he lays his hand upon that brave rifleman’s shoulder, and as though living fire had been poured into his veins, he seized his rifle and started toward the rock. And now look! now hold your breath, as that black steed crashes up that steep cliff. That steed quivers! he totters! he falls! No! No! Still on, still up the cliff, still on toward the fortress.
The rider turns his face and shouts, “Come on, men of Quebec! come on!” That call is needless. Already the bold riflemen are on the rock. Now British cannon pour[198] your fires, and lay your dead in tens and twenties on the rock. Now, red-coat hirelings, shout your battle-cry if you can! For look! there, in the gate of the fortress, as the smoke clears away, stands the Black Horse and his rider. That steed falls dead, pierced by an hundred balls; but his rider, as the British cry for quarter, lifts up his voice and shouts afar to Horatio Gates waiting yonder in his tent, “Saratoga is won!”
As that cry goes up to heaven, he falls with his leg shattered by a cannon ball. Who was the rider of the black horse? Do you not guess his name? Then bend down and gaze on that shattered limb, and you will see that it bears the marks of a former wound. That wound was received in the storming of Quebec. That rider of the Black Horse was Benedict Arnold.
Charles Sheppard.
It sometimes happens that a man, traveler or fisherman, walking on the beach at low tide, far from the bank, suddenly notices that for several minutes he has been walking with some difficulty. The strand beneath his feet is like pitch; his soles stick in it; it is sand no longer; it is glue.
The beach is perfectly dry, but at every step he takes, as soon as he lift his foot, the print which it leaves fills with water. The eye, however, has noticed no change; the immense strand is smooth and tranquil; all the sand has the same appearance; nothing distinguishes the surface which is solid from that which is no longer so; the joyous little crowd of sandflies continue to leap tumultuously over the wayfarer’s feet. The man pursues his way, goes forward, inclines to the land, endeavors to get nearer the upland.
He is not anxious. Anxious about what? Only he feels, somehow, as if the weight of his feet increases with every step he takes. Suddenly he sinks in.
He sinks in two or three inches. Decidedly he is not on the right road; he stops to take his bearings; now he looks at his feet. They have disappeared. The sand covers them. He draws them out of the sand; he will retrace his steps. He turns back, he sinks in deeper. The sand comes up to his ankles; he pulls himself out and throws himself to the left; the sand half leg deep. He throws himself to the right; the sand comes up to his shins.
Then he recognizes with unspeakable terror that he is caught in the quicksand, and that he has beneath him the terrible medium in which man can no more walk than the fish can swim. He throws off his load, if he has one, lightens himself as a ship in distress; it is already too late; the sand is above his knees. He calls, he waves his hat or his handkerchief; the sand gains on him more and more. If the beach is deserted, if the land is too far off, if there is no help in sight, it is all over.
He is condemned to that appalling burial, long, infallible, implacable and impossible to slacken or to hasten, which endures for hours, which seizes you erect, free and in full health, and which draws you by the feet; which, at every effort that you attempt, at every shout you utter, drags you a little deeper, sinking you slowly into the earth while you look upon the horizon, the sails of the ships upon the sea, the birds flying and singing, the sunshine and the sky. The victim attempts to sit down, to lie down, to creep; every movement he makes inters him; he straightens up, he sinks in; he feels that he is being swallowed. He howls, implores, cries to the clouds, despairs.
Behold him waist deep in the sand. The sand reaches his breast; he is now only a bust. He raises his arms, utters furious groans, clutches the beach with his nails, would hold by that straw, leans upon his elbows, to pull himself out of this soft sheath; sobs frenziedly; the sand rises; the sand reaches his shoulders; the sand reaches his neck; the face alone is visible now.
The mouth cries, the sand fills it—silence. The eyes still gaze—the sand shuts them; night. Now the forehead decreases, a little hair flutters above the sand; a hand come to the surface of the beach, moves, and shakes, disappears. It is the earth-drowning man. The earth filled with the ocean becomes a trap. It presents itself like a plain, and opens like a wave.
Victor Hugo.
The emotions of horror and dismay are vividly brought out in this selection, which is characteristic of some of the writings of Edgar A. Poe. He had a morbid fancy for the weird, the gruesome and startling, all of which appear in this ghastly description from his pen. The piece is an excellent one of its kind. It requires the ability of a tragedian to properly deliver it.
With a loud yell I threw open the lantern and leaped into the room. He shrieked once—once only. In an instant I dragged him to the floor, and pulled the heavy bed over him. I then smiled gayly to find the deed so far done. But for many minutes the heart beat on with a muffled sound. This, however, did not vex me; it would not be heard through the wall. At length it ceased. The old man was dead. I removed the bed and examined the corpse. I placed my hand upon the heart and held it there many minutes. There was no pulsation. He was stone dead. His eye would trouble me no more.
If you still think me mad, you will think so no longer when I describe the wise precautions I took for the concealment of the body. The night waned, and I worked hastily, but in silence. First of all I dismembered the corpse.
I then took up three planks from the flooring of the chamber and deposited all between the scantlings. I then replaced the boards so cleverly, so cunningly, that no human eye—not even his—could have detected anything wrong.
When I had made an end of these labors it was four o’clock—still dark as midnight. As the bell sounded the hour, there came a knocking at the street door. I went down to open it with a light heart—for what had I now to fear? Then entered three men who introduced themselves, with perfect suavity, as officers of the police. A shriek had been heard by a neighbor during the night; suspicion of foul play had been aroused; information had been lodged at the[203] police office, and they (the officers) had been deputed to search the premises.
I smiled—for what had I to fear? I bade the gentlemen welcome. The shriek, I said, was my own in a dream. The old man, I mentioned, was absent in the country. I took my visitors all over the house. I bade them search—search well. I led them at length to his chamber. I showed them his treasures, secure, undisturbed. In the enthusiasm of my confidence I brought chairs into the room, and desired them here to rest from their fatigues, while I myself, in the wild audacity of my perfect triumph, placed my own seat upon the very spot beneath which reposed the corpse of the victim.
The officers were satisfied. My manner had convinced them. I was singularly at ease. But ere long I felt myself getting pale and wished them gone. My head ached, and I fancied a ringing in my ears; but still they sat and still chatted. The ringing became more distinct; it continued and gained definitiveness—until at length I found that the noise was not within my ears.
No doubt I now grew very pale; but I talked more fluently and with a heightened voice. Yet the sound increased—and what could I do. It was a low, dull, quick sound—much such a sound as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I gasped for breath—and yet the officers heard it not. I talked more quickly—more vehemently; but the noise steadily increased. I arose and argued about trifles, in a high key and with violent gesticulations; but the noise steadily increased. Why would they not be gone? I paced the floor to and fro with heavy strides, as if excited to fury by the observations of the men—but the noise steadily increased. O God! what could I do? I foamed—I raved—I swore! I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards, but the noise arose over all and continually increased. It grew louder—louder—louder. And still the men chatted pleasantly and smiled. Was it possible they heard not?
They heard!—they suspected!—they knew!—they were making a mockery of my horror! this I thought, and this I think. But anything was better than this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! I can bear those hypocritical smiles no longer! I felt that I must scream or die!—and now—again!—hark! louder! louder! louder! louder!
“Villains!” I shrieked, “dissemble no more! I admit the deed—tear up the planks! here! here! it is the beating of his hideous heart!”
Edgar Allan Poe.
A CHRISTMAS STORY.
It was terribly cold; it snowed and was already almost dark and evening coming on—the last evening of the year. In the cold and gloom a little girl, bareheaded and barefooted, was walking through the streets. When she left her own house she certainly had slippers on, slippers, but of what use were they? They were very big slippers, and her mother had used them until then. So big were they the little maid lost them as she slipped across the road, where two carriages were rattling by terribly fast. One slipper was not to be found again, and a boy had seized the other and ran away with it. So now the little girl went with naked feet, which were quite red and blue with the cold. In an old apron she carried a number of matches and a bundle of them[204] in her hand. No one had bought anything of her all day, and no one had given her a farthing.
Shivering with cold and hunger she crept along, a picture of misery, poor little girl! The snowflakes covered her long, fair hair, which fell in pretty curls over her neck, but she did not think of that now. In all the windows lights were shining and there was a glorious smell of roast goose, for it was Christmas Eve. Yes, she thought of that!
In a corner formed by two houses, one of which projected beyond the other, she sat down, cowering. She had drawn up her little feet, but she was still colder, and she did not dare go home, for she had sold no matches, and did not therefore have a farthing of money. From her father she would certainly receive a beating, and, besides, it was cold at home, for they had nothing over them but a roof, through which the wind whistled, though the largest rents had been stopped with straw and rags.
Her hands were almost benumbed with the cold. Ah! a match might do her good if she could only draw one from the bundle and rub it against the wall and warm her hands at it. She draws one out. R-r-atch! How it sputtered and burned! It was a warm, bright flame, like a candle, when she held her hands over it; it was a wonderful little light! It really seemed to the child as if she sat before a great polished stove with bright brass feet and a brass cover. How the fire burned! How comfortable it was! but the little flame went out, the stove vanished, and she had only the remains of the burnt match in her hand.
A second one was rubbed against the wall. It burned up, and when the light fell upon the wall it became transparent, like a thin veil, and she could see through it into the room. On the table a snow-white cloth was spread; upon it stood a shining dinner service; the roast goose smoked gloriously, stuffed with apples and dried plums. And what was still more splendid to behold, the goose hopped down from the dish and waddled along the floor, with a knife and fork in its breast, to the little girl.
Then the match went out, and only the thick, damp, cold wall was before her. She lighted another match. Then she was sitting under a beautiful Christmas tree; it was greater and more ornamented than the one she had seen through the glass door at the rich merchant’s. Thousands of candles burned upon its green branches and lighted up the pictures in the room. The girl stretched forth her hand toward them; then the match went out. The Christmas lights mounted higher. She saw them now as stars in the sky; one of them fell down, forming a long line of fire.
“Now some one is dying,” thought the little girl, for her old grandmother, the only person who had loved her and who was now dead, had told her that when a star fell down a soul mounted up to God.
She rubbed another match against the wall; it became bright again, and in the brightness the old grandmother stood clear and shining, mild and lovely.
“Grandmother!” cried the child, “oh! take me with you! I know you will go when the match is burned out. You will vanish like the warm fire, the warm food, and the great, glorious Christmas tree!”
And she hastily rubbed the whole bundle of matches, for she wished to hold her grandmother fast. And the matches burned with such a glow that it became brighter than in the middle of the day; grandmother had never been so large or so beautiful. She took the child in her arms and both flew in brightness and joy above the earth, very, very high; and up there was neither cold nor hunger nor care—they were with God.
But in the corner, leaning against the wall, sat the poor girl with red cheeks and smiling mouth, frozen to death. “She wanted to warm herself,” the people said. No one imagined what a beautiful thing she had seen and in what glory she had gone in with her grandmother on that Christmas night.
Hans Christian Andersen.
The Algonquins rowed up and down a few times before the spectators. They appeared in perfect training, mettlesome as colts, steady as draught horses, deep breathed as oxen, disciplined to work together as symmetrically as a single sculler pulls his pair of oars.
Five minutes passed, and all eyes were strained to the south, looking for the Atalanta. A clumb of trees hid the edge of the lake along which the Corinna’s boat was stealing toward the starting point. Presently the long shell swept into view, with its blooming rowers. How steadily the Atalanta came on! No rocking, no splashing, no apparent strain; the bow oar turning to look ahead every now and then, and watching her course, which seemed to be straight as an arrow, the beat of the strokes as true and regular as the pulse of the healthiest rower among them all.
If the sight of the other boat and its crew of young men was beautiful, how lovely was the look of this: eight young girls—all in the flush of youth, all in vigorous health; every muscle taught its duty; each rower alert not to be a tenth of a second out of time, or let her oar dally with the water so as to lose an ounce of its propelling virtue; every eye kindling with the hope of victory. Each of the boats was cheered as it came in sight, but the cheers for the Atalanta were[206] naturally the loudest, as the gallantry of one sex and the clear, high voices of the other gave it his and vigor.
“Take your places!” shouted the umpire, five minutes before the half-hour. The two boats felt their way slowly and cautiously to their positions. After a little backing and filling they got into line, and sat motionless, the bodies of the rowers bent forward, their arms outstretched, their oars in the water, waiting for the word. “Go!” shouted the umpire. Away sprang the Atalanta, and far behind her leaped the Algonquin, her oars bending like long Indian bows as their blades flashed through the water.
“A stern chase is a long chase,” especially when one craft is a great distance behind the other. It looked as if it would be impossible for the rear boat to overcome the odds against it. Of course, the Algonquin kept gaining, but could it possibly gain enough? As the boats got farther and farther away, it became difficult to determine what change there was in the interval between them.
But when they came to rounding the stake it was easier to guess at the amount of space which had been gained. Something like half the distance—four lengths as nearly as could be estimated—had been made up in rowing the first three-quarters of a mile. Could the Algonquins do a little better than this in the second half of the race-course they would be sure of winning.
The boats had turned the stake and were coming in rapidly. Every minute the University boat was getting nearer the other.
“Go it, ’Quins!” shouted the students.
“Pull away, ’Lantas!” screamed the girls, who were crowding down to the edge of the water.
Nearer, nearer—the rear boat is pressing the other more and more closely—a few more strokes and they will be even. It looks desperate for the Atalantas. The bow oar of the Algonquin turns his head. He sees the little coxswain leaning forward at every stroke, as if her trivial weight were of such mighty consequence—but a few ounces might turn the scale of victory. As he turned he got a glimpse of the stroke oar of the Atalanta; what a flash of loveliness it was! Her face was like the reddest of June roses, with the heat and the strain and passion of expected triumph.
The upper button of her close-fitting flannel suit had strangled her as her bosom heaved with exertion, and it had given way before the fierce clutch she made at it. The bow oar was a staunch and steady rower, but he was human. The blade of his oar lingered in the water; a little more and he would have caught a crab, and perhaps lost the race by his momentary bewilderment.
The boat, which seemed as if it had all the life and nervousness of a three-year-old colt, felt the slight check, and all her men bent more vigorously to their oars. The Atalanta saw the movement, and made a spurt to keep their lead and gain upon it if they could. It was no use. The strong arms of the young men were too much for the young maidens; only a few lengths remained to be rowed, and they would certainly pass the Atalanta before she could reach the line.
The little coxswain saw that it was all up with the girls’ crew if she could not save them by some strategic device. As she stooped she lifted the handkerchief at her feet and took from it a flaming bouquet. “Look!” she cried, and flung it just forward of the track of the Algonquin.
The captain of the University boat turned his head, and there was the lovely vision which had, a moment before, bewitched him. The owner of all that loveliness must, he thought, have flung the bouquet. It was a challenge; how could he be such a coward as to decline accepting it? He was sure he[207] could win the race now, and he would sweep past the line in triumph with the great bunch of flowers at the stern of his boat, proud as Van Tromp in the British Channel with the broom at his masthead.
He turned the boat’s head a little by backing water, and came up with the floating flowers, near enough to reach them. He stooped and snatched them up, with the loss perhaps of a second, no more. He felt sure of his victory.
The bow of the Algonquin passes the stern of the Atalanta! The bow of the Algonquin is on a level with the middle of the Atalanta—three more lengths and the college crew will pass the girls!
“Hurrah for the ’Quins!” The Algonquin ranges up alongside of the Atalanta!
“Through with her!” shouts the captain of the Algonquin.
“Now, girls!” shrieks the captain of the Atalanta.
They near the line, every rower straining desperately, almost madly. Crack goes the oar of the Atalanta’s captain, and up flash its splintered fragments as the stem of her boat springs past the line, eighteen inches at least ahead of the Algonquin.
“Hooraw for the ’Lantas! Hooraw for the girls! Hooraw for the Institoot!” shout a hundred voices.
And there is loud laughing and cheering all round.
The pretty little captain had not studied her classical dictionary for nothing. “I have paid off an old ‘score,’” she said. “Set down my damask roses against the golden apples of Hippomenes!” It was that one second lost in snatching up the bouquet which gave the race to the Atalantas!
An oration, strictly speaking, is an elaborate discourse delivered on some special occasion, and in a somewhat formal and dignified manner. As this class of recitations stands by itself and is quite different from the other selections contained in this volume, I have grouped together here a number of Famous Orations, all of which have given their authors celebrity. These are well suited for public delivery by those who prefer this kind of recitation and have the oratorical ability required for reciting them.
BY HENRY CLAY.
When reference is made to America’s greatest orators it is customary to mention the name of Henry Clay among the very first. He was frequently called “The Mill Boy of the Slashes,” from the fact that he was a poor boy and was born in a district in Virginia called “the Slashes.” Mr. Clay was tall and slender and had a voice of wonderful range and sympathy, was remarkably easy and graceful in manner, and few orators who ever lived possessed such persuasive power.
The opening part of this fine selection should be delivered in a rather quiet, slightly satirical tone; but in the later passages the speaker should grow warm and enthusiastic, and voice and gesture should express a full appreciation of the lofty sentiments he is uttering.
There is a sort of courage, which, I frankly confess it, I do not possess—a boldness to which I dare not aspire, a valor which I cannot covet. I cannot lay myself down in the way of the welfare and happiness of my country. That, I cannot—I have not the courage to do. I cannot interpose the power with which I may be invested—a power conferred, not for my personal benefit, nor for my aggrandizement, but for my country’s good—to check her onward march to greatness and glory. I have not courage enough. I am too cowardly for that.
I would not, I dare not, in the exercise of such a threat, lie down, and place my body across the path that leads my country to prosperity and happiness. This is a sort of courage widely different from that which a man may display in his private conduct and personal relations. Personal or private courage is totally distinct from that higher and nobler courage which prompts the patriot to offer himself a voluntary sacrifice to his country’s good.
Apprehensions of the imputation of the want of firmness sometimes impel us to perform rash and inconsiderate acts. It is the greatest courage to be able to bear the imputation of the want of courage.
But pride, vanity, egotism, so unamiable and offensive in private life, are vices which partake of the character of crimes in the conduct of public affairs. The unfortunate victim of these passions cannot see beyond the little, petty, contemptible circle of his own personal interests. All his thoughts are withdrawn from his country, and concentrated on his consistency, his firmness, himself.
The high, the exalted, the sublime emotions of a patriotism which, soaring toward[210] heaven, rises far above all mean, low, or selfish things, and is absorbed by one soul-transporting thought of the good and the glory of one’s country, are never felt in his impenetrable bosom. That patriotism which, catching its inspiration of the immortal God, and, leaving at an immeasurable distance below all lesser, groveling, personal interests and feelings, animates and prompts to deeds of self-sacrifice, of valor, of devotion, and of death itself—that is public virtue; that is the noblest, the sublimest of all public virtues!
BY JOSIAH QUINCY.
An American orator and patriot, born in Massachusetts in 1744, Mr. Quincy, by his fervid and convincing eloquence, was one of the most powerful champions of the popular cause of independence.
Be not deceived, my countrymen. Believe not these venal hirelings, when they would cajole you by their subtleties into submission, or frighten you by their vaporings into compliance. When they strive to flatter you by the terms “moderation and prudence,” tell them that calmness and deliberation are to guide the judgment; courage and intrepidity command the action. When they endeavor to make us “perceive our inability to oppose our mother country,” let us boldly answer—In defence of our civil and religious rights, we dare oppose the world; with the God of armies on our side, even the God who fought our fathers’ battles, we fear not the hour of trial, though the hosts of our enemies should cover the field like locusts. If this be enthusiasm, we will live and die enthusiasts.
Blandishments will not fascinate us, nor will threats of a “halter” intimidate. For, under God, we are determined, that wheresoever, whensoever, or howsoever we shall be called to make our exit, we will die freemen. Well do we know that all the regalia of this world can not dignify the death of a villain, nor diminish the ignominy with which a slave shall quit existence.
Neither can it taint the unblemished honor of a son of freedom though he should make his departure on the already prepared gibbet, or be dragged to the newly-erected scaffold for execution. With the plaudits of his country, and what is more, the plaudits of his conscience, he will go off the stage. The history of his life, his children shall venerate. The virtues of their sires shall excite their emulation.
Is the debt we owe posterity paid? Answer me, thou coward, who hidest thyself in the hour of trial! If there is no reward in this life, no prize of glory in the next, capable of animating thy dastard soul, think and tremble, thou miscreant! at the whips and stripes thy master shall lash thee with on earth—and the flames and scorpions thy second master shall torment thee with hereafter!
Oh my countrymen! what will our children say, when they read the history of these times, should they find that we tamely gave way, without one noble struggle for the most invaluable of earthly blessings! As they drag the galling chain, will they not execrate us? If we have any respect for things sacred, any regard to the dearest treasure on earth; if we have one tender sentiment for posterity; if we would not be despised by the world; let us, in the most open, solemn manner, and with determined fortitude, swear—we will die if we cannot live freemen. While we have equity, justice, and God on our side, tyranny, spiritual or temporal, shall never ride triumphant in a land inhabited by Englishmen.
BY HENRY ARMITT BROWN.
From the oration delivered upon the occasion of the Centennial Anniversary of the meeting of the first Colonial Congress in Carpenters’ Hall, Philadelphia. This oration is the masterpiece of a young orator who died when but little past the age of thirty, having already gained a wide celebrity for scholarly attainments and commanding eloquence. It is remarkable for boldness of thought and fervor of expression.
The conditions of life are always changing, and the experience of the fathers is rarely the experience of the sons. The temptations which are trying us are not the temptations which beset their footsteps, nor the dangers which threaten our pathway the dangers which surrounded them. These men were few in number; we are many. They were poor, but we are rich. They were weak, but we are strong. What is it, countrymen, that we need to-day? Wealth? Behold it in your hands. Power? God hath given it you. Liberty? It is your birthright. Peace? It dwells amongst you.
You have a Government founded in the hearts of men, built by the people for the common good. You have a land flowing with milk and honey; your homes are happy, your workshops busy, your barns are full. The school, the railway, the telegraph, the printing press, have welded you together into one. Descend those mines that honeycomb the hills! Behold that commerce whitening every sea! Stand by your gates and see that multitude pour through them from the corners of the earth, grafting the qualities of older stocks upon one stem; mingling the blood of many races in a common stream, and swelling the rich volume of our English speech with varied music from an hundred tongues.
You have a long and glorious history, a past glittering with heroic deeds, an ancestry full of lofty and imperishable examples. You have passed through danger, endured privation, been acquainted with sorrow, been tried by suffering. You have journeyed in safety through the wilderness and crossed in triumph the Red Sea of civil strife, and the foot of Him who led you hath not faltered nor the light of His countenance been turned away.
It is a question for us now, not of the founding of a new government, but of the preservation of one already old; not of the formation of an independent power, but of the purification of a nation’s life; not of the conquest of a foreign foe, but of the subjection of ourselves. The capacity of man to rule himself is to be proven in the days to come, not by the greatness of his wealth; not by his valor in the field; not by the extent of his dominion, nor by the splendor of his genius.
The dangers of to-day come from within. The worship of self, the love of power, the lust for gold, the weakening of faith, the decay of public virtue, the lack of private worth—these are the perils which threaten our future; these are the enemies we have to fear; these are the traitors which infest the camp; and the danger was far less when Catiline knocked with his army at the gates of Rome, than when he sat smiling in the Senate House. We see them daily face to face; in the walk of virtue; in the road to wealth; in the path to honor; on the way to happiness. There is no peace between them and our safety. Nor can we avoid them and turn back. It is not enough to rest upon the past. No man or nation can stand still. We must mount upward or go down. We must grow worse or better. It is the Eternal Law—we cannot change it.
My countrymen: this anniversary has gone by forever, and my task is done. While I have spoken, the hour has passed from us; the hand has moved upon the dial, and the old century is dead. The American Union hath endured an hundred years! Here, on this threshold of the future, the voice of humanity shall not plead to us in vain. There shall be darkness in the days to come; danger for our courage; temptation for our virtue; doubt for our faith; suffering for our fortitude. A thousand shall fall before us, and tens of thousands at our right hand. The years shall pass beneath our feet, and century follow century in quick succession. The generations of men shall come and go; the greatness of yesterday shall be forgotten; to-day and the glories of this noon shall vanish before to-morrow’s sun; but America shall not perish, but endure while the spirit of our fathers animates their sons.
BY FREDERIC VON SCHILLER.
God whose most wondrous hand has four times protected you, and who to-day gave the feeble arm of gray hairs strength to turn aside the stroke of a madman, should inspire confidence. I will not now speak in the name of justice: this is not the time. In such a tumult, you cannot hear her still small voice. Consider this only: you are fearful now of the living Mary; but I say it is not the living you have to fear. Tremble at the dead—the beheaded. She will rise from the grave a fiend of dissension. She will awaken the spirit of revenge in your kingdom, and wean the hearts of your subjects from you. At present she is an object of dread to the British; but when she is no more, they will revenge her.
No longer will she then be regarded as the enemy of their faith; her mournful fate will cause her to appear as the grand-daughter of their king, the victim of man’s hatred, and woman’s jealousy. Soon will you see the change appear! Drive through London after the bloody deed has been done; show yourself to the people, who now surround you with joyful acclamations: then will you see another England, another people! No longer will you then walk forth encircled by the radiance of heavenly justice which now binds every heart to you. Dread the frightful name of tyrant which will precede you through shuddering hearts, and resound through every street where you pass. You have done the last irrevocable deed. What head stands fast when this sacred one has fallen?
BY EDWARD EVERETT.
This, then, is the theatre on which the intellect of America is to appear, and such the motives to its exertion, such the mass to be influenced by its energies, such the crowd to witness its efforts, such the glory to crown its success. If I err in this happy vision of my country’s fortunes, I thank God for an error so animating. If this be false may I never know the truth. Never may you, my friends, be under any other[213] feeling than that a great, a growing, an immeasurably expanding country is calling upon you for your best services.
The most powerful motives call on us for those efforts which our common country demands of all her children. Most of us are of that class who owe whatever of knowledge has shone into our minds, to the free and popular institutions of our native land. There are few of us, who may not be permitted to boast, that we have been reared in an honest poverty or a frugal competence, and owe everything to those means of education which are equally open to all.
We are summoned to new energy and zeal by the high nature of the experiment we are appointed in Providence to make, and the grandeur of the theatre on which it is to be performed. When the Old World afforded no longer any hope, it pleased Heaven to open this last refuge of humanity. The attempt has begun, and is going on, far from foreign corruption, on the broadest scale, and under the most benignant prospects; and it certainly rests with us to solve the great problem in human society, to settle, and that forever, that momentous question—whether mankind can be trusted with a purely popular system?
One might almost think, without extravagance, that the departed wise and good of all places and times are looking down from their happy seats to witness what shall now be done by us; that they who lavished their treasures and their blood of old, who labored and suffered, who spake and wrote, who fought and perished, in the one great cause of freedom and truth, are now hanging from their orbs on high, over the last solemn experiment of humanity.
As I have wandered over the spots, once the scene of their labors, and mused among the prostrate columns of their senate houses and forums, I have seemed almost to hear a voice from the tombs of departed ages; from the sepulchers of the nations, which died before the sight. They exhort us, they adjure us, to be faithful to our trust.
They implore us, by the long trials of struggling humanity, by the blessed memory of the departed; by the dear faith, which has been plighted by pure hands, to the holy cause of truth and man; by the awful secrets of the prison houses, where the sons of freedom have been immured; by the noble heads which have been brought to the block; by the wrecks of time, by the eloquent ruins of nations, they conjure us not to quench the light which is rising on the world. Greece cries to us, by the convulsed lips of her poisoned, dying Demosthenes; and Rome pleads with us, in the mute persuasion of her mangled Tully.
BY EDWARD EVERETT.
As a finished scholar and eloquent speaker, Mr. Everett gained the highest distinction. His silvery tones and flowery periods held multitudes spellbound. His orations were always prepared with the greatest care, delivered from memory, and are models of elevated thought and sentiment and brilliant diction. He was the finished orator, noted for the classic beauty of his writings.
Sir, in the efforts of the people—of the people struggling for their rights—moving, not in organized, disciplined masses, but in their spontaneous action, man for man, and heart for heart—there is something glorious. They can then[214] move forward without orders, act together without combination, and brave the flaming lines of battle without entrenchments to cover or walls to shield them.
No dissolute camp has worn off from the feelings of the youthful soldier the freshness of that home, where his mother and his sisters sit waiting, with tearful eyes and aching hearts, to hear good news from the wars; no long service in the ranks of a conqueror has turned the veteran’s heart into marble. Their valor springs not from recklessness, from habit, from indifference to the preservation of a life knit by no pledges to the life of others; but in the strength and spirit of the cause alone, they act, they contend, they bleed. In this they conquer.
The people always conquer. They always must conquer. Armies may be defeated, kings may be overthrown, and new dynasties imposed, by foreign arms, on an ignorant and slavish race, that cares not in what language the covenant of their subjection runs, nor in whose name the deed of their barter and sale is made out.
But the people never invade; and, when they rise against the invader, are never subdued. If they are driven from the plains, they fly to the mountains. Steep rocks and everlasting hills are their castles; the tangled, pathless thicket their palisado; and nature, God, is their ally! Now he overwhelms the hosts of their enemies beneath his drifting mountains of sand; now he buries them beneath a falling atmosphere of polar snows; He lets loose his tempest on their fleets; He puts a folly into their counsels, a madness into the hearts of their leaders; He never gave, and never will give, a final triumph over a virtuous and gallant people, resolved to be free.
BY DANIEL WEBSTER.
One of the towering names in American statesmanship is that of Daniel Webster, “the great defender of the Constitution.” Mr. Webster was not more remarkable for intellectual power than he was for masterly eloquence. His triumphs in Senatorial debate and on great public occasions are historic. In person he was large and brawny, with a swarthy complexion, massive head, and always conveyed the impression of strength, and, at times, even of majesty. His orations are masterpieces of patriotic fervor and scholarly culture.
Venerable men: you have come down to us from a former generation. Heaven has bounteously lengthened out your lives that you might behold this joyous day. You are now where you stood fifty years ago, this very hour, with your brothers and your neighbors, shoulder to shoulder, in the strife of your country. Behold how altered! The same heavens are indeed over your heads; the same ocean rolls at your feet; but all else, how changed! You hear now no roar of hostile cannon, you see no mixed volumes of smoke and flame rising from burning Charlestown.
The ground strewed with the dead and the dying; the impetuous charge; the steady and successful repulse; the loud call to repeated assault; the summoning of all that is manly to repeated resistance; a thousand bosoms freely and fearlessly bared in an instant to whatever of terror there may be in war and death;—all these you have witnessed,[215] but you witness them no more. All is peace. The heights of yonder metropolis, its towers and roofs, which you then saw filled with wives and children and countrymen in distress and terror, and looking with unutterable emotions for the issue of the combat, have presented you to-day with the sight of its whole happy population, come out to welcome and greet you with a universal jubilee.
Yonder proud ships, by a felicity of position appropriately lying at the foot of this mount, and seeming fondly to cling around it, are not means of annoyance to you, but your country’s own means of distinction and defence. All is peace; and God has granted you this sight of your country’s happiness, ere you slumber in the grave for ever. He has allowed you to behold and partake the reward of your patriotic toils; and he has allowed us, your sons and countrymen, to meet you here, and in the name of the present generation, in the name of your country, in the name of liberty, to thank you!
But, alas! you are not all here! Time and the sword have thinned your ranks. Prescott, Putnam, Stark, Brooks, Read, Pomeroy, Bridge! our eyes seek for you in vain amidst this broken band. You are gathered to your fathers, and live only to your country in her grateful remembrance and your own bright example. But let us not too much grieve that you have met the common fate of men. You lived at least long enough to know that your work had been nobly and successfully accomplished. You lived to see your country’s independence established and to sheathe your swords from war. On the light of liberty you saw arise the light of Peace, like
and the sky on which you closed your eyes was cloudless.
BY DANIEL WEBSTER.
The eulogium pronounced on the character of the State of South Carolina by the honorable gentleman, for her revolutionary and other merits, meets my hearty concurrence. I shall not acknowledge that the honorable member goes before me in regard for whatever of distinguished talent, or distinguished character, South Carolina has produced. I claim part of the honor; I partake in the pride of her great names. I claim them for countrymen, one and all. The Laurenses, Rutledges, the Pinckneys, the Sumters, the Marions—Americans all—whose fame is no more to be hemmed in by state lines, than their talents and patriotism were capable of being circumscribed within the same narrow limits.
In their day and generation, they served and honored the country, the whole country, and their renown is of the treasures of the whole country. Him whose honored name the gentleman bears himself—does he suppose me less capable of gratitude for his patriotism, or sympathy for his sufferings, than if his eyes had first opened upon the light in Massachusetts instead of South Carolina? Sir, does he suppose it in his power to exhibit a Carolina name so bright as to produce envy in my bosom? No, sir—increased gratification and delight, rather. Sir, I thank God, that if I am gifted with little of the spirit which is said to be able to raise mortals to the skies, I have yet none, as I trust, of that other spirit which would drag angels down.
When I shall be found, sir, in my place here in the Senate, or elsewhere, to sneer at public merit, because it happened to spring up beyond the limits of my own State and neighborhood; when I refuse, for any such cause, or for any cause, the homage due to American talent, to elevated patriotism, to sincere devotion to liberty and the country; or if I see an uncommon endowment of heaven—if I see extraordinary capacity and virtue in any son of the South—and if, moved by local prejudice, or gangrened by State jealousy, I get up here to abate the tithe of a hair, from his just character and just fame, may my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth!
I shall enter on no encomium upon Massachusetts—she needs none. There she is—behold her and judge for yourselves. There is her history—the world knows it by heart. The past, at least, is secure. There is Boston and Concord, and Lexington, and Bunker’s Hill; and there they will remain forever. The bones of her sons, fallen in the great struggle for independence, now lie mingled with the soil of every State, from New England to Georgia; and there they will lie forever.
BY ROBERT T. HAYNE.
This distinguished American orator was born in the parish of Saint Paul, South Carolina. His eminent ability soon secured for him a seat in the United States Senate. The following is from one of his orations delivered in the celebrated controversy between himself and Daniel Webster. It is a glowing defense of his native state, and is memorable in the annals of forensic eloquence.
If there be one State in the Union, and I say it not in a boastful spirit, that may challenge comparison with any other for a uniform, zealous, ardent, and uncalculating devotion to the Union, that State is South Carolina. From the very commencement of the Revolution, up to this hour, there is no sacrifice, however great, she has not cheerfully made, no service she has ever hesitated to perform. She has adhered to you in your prosperity; but in your adversity she has clung to you with more than filial affection.
No matter what was the condition of her domestic affairs, though deprived of her resources, divided by parties, or surrounded by difficulties, the call of the country has been to her as the voice of God. Domestic discord ceased at the sound; every man became reconciled to his brethren, and the sons of Carolina were all seen crowding together to the temple, bringing their gifts to the altar of their common country.
What was the conduct of the South during the Revolution? I honor New England for her conduct in that glorious struggle. But, great as is the praise which belongs to her, I think at least equal honor is due to the South. They espoused the quarrel of their brethren with a generous zeal which did not suffer them to stop to calculate their interest in the dispute. Favorites of the mother country, possessed of neither ships nor seamen to create a commercial rivalship, they might have found, in their situation, a guarantee that their trade would be forever fostered and protected by Great Britain. But trampling on all considerations, either of interest or safety, they rushed into the conflict, and, fighting for principle, perilled all in the sacred cause of freedom.
Never was there exhibited in the history[217] of the world higher examples of noble daring, dreadful suffering, and heroic endurance than by the Whigs of Carolina during the Revolution! The whole State, from the mountains to the sea, was overrun by an overwhelming force of the enemy. The fruits of industry perished on the spot where they were produced, or were consumed by the foe.
The “plains of Carolina” drank up the most precious blood of her citizens. Black and smoking ruins marked the places which had been the habitations of her children. Driven from their homes into the gloomy and almost impenetrable swamps, even there the spirit of liberty survived, and South Carolina, sustained by the example of her Sumters and her Marions, proved, by her conduct, that, though her soil might be overrun, the spirit of her people was invincible.
BY WENDELL PHILLIPS.
It has been said of Mr. Phillips that in his public addresses he was “a gentleman talking,” so easy and graceful was his manner. “The golden-mouthed Phillips” was also an appropriate title. Considered simply as an orator, perhaps our country has never produced his superior.
It matters very little what spot may have been the birthplace of Washington. No people can claim, no country can appropriate him. The boon of Providence to the human race, his fame is eternity, and his residence creation. Though it was the defeat of our arms, and the disgrace of our policy, I almost bless the convulsion in which he had his origin. If the heavens thundered, and the earth rocked, yet, when the storm had passed, how pure was the climate that it cleared; how bright, in the brow of the firmament, was the planet which it revealed to us!
In the production of Washington, it does really appear as if Nature was endeavoring to improve upon herself, and that all the virtues of the ancient world were but so many studies preparatory to the patriot of the new. Individual instances, no doubt, there were, splendid exemplifications of some singular qualification; Cæsar was merciful, Scipio was continent, Hannibal was patient; but it was reserved for Washington to bind them all in one, and, like the lovely masterpiece of the Grecian artist, to exhibit, in one glow of associated beauty, the pride of every model, and the perfection of every master.
As a general, he marshalled the peasant into a veteran, and supplied by discipline the absence of experience; as a statesman, he enlarged the policy of the cabinet into the most comprehensive system of general advantage; and such was the wisdom of his views, and the philosophy of his counsels, that to the soldier, and the statesman he almost added the character of the sage! A conqueror, he was untainted with the crime of blood; a revolutionist, he was free from any stain of treason; for aggression commenced the contest, and his country called him to the command.
Liberty unsheathed his sword, necessity stained, victory returned it. If he had paused here, history might have doubted what station to assign him; whether at the head of her citizens or her soldiers, her heroes or her patriots. But the last glorious act crowns his career, and banishes all hesitation.
Who, like Washington, after having emancipated a hemisphere, resigned its crown, and preferred the retirement of domestic life[218] to the adoration of a land he might almost be said to have created?
Such, sir, is the testimony of one not to be accused of partiality in his estimate of America. Happy, proud America! The lightnings of heaven yielded to your philosophy! The temptations of earth could not seduce your patriotism.
BY ROBERT C. WINTHROP.
One of “Boston’s hundred orators” is the author of this eloquent oration, which was delivered at the laying of the corner-stone of Washington’s monument, that imposing shaft which is one of the greatest objects of interest at our national capital. Scarcely any finer tribute was ever paid to the Father of his Country. It should be delivered with full volume of voice and sustained energy.
Fellow-citizens, let us seize this occasion to renew to each other our vows of allegiance and devotion to the American Union, and let us recognize in our common title to the name and the fame of Washington, and in our common veneration for his example and his advice, the all-sufficient centripetal power, which shall hold the thick clustering stars of our confederacy in one glorious constellation forever! Let the column which we are about to construct be at once a pledge and an emblem of perpetual union!
Let the foundations be laid, let the superstructure be built up and cemented, let each stone be raised and riveted in a spirit of national brotherhood! And may the earliest ray of the rising sun—till that sun shall set to rise no more—draw forth from it daily, as from the fabled statue of antiquity, a strain of national harmony, which shall strike a responsive chord in every heart throughout the republic!
Proceed, then, fellow-citizens, with the work for which you have assembled. Lay the corner-stone of a monument which shall adequately bespeak the gratitude of the whole American people to the illustrious father of his country! Build it to the skies; you can not outreach the loftiness of his principles! Found it upon the massive and eternal rock; you can not make it more enduring than his fame! Construct it of the peerless Parian marble; you cannot make it purer than his life! Exhaust upon it the rules and principles of ancient and of modern art; you cannot make it more proportionate than his character.
But let not your homage to his memory end here. Think not to transfer to a tablet or a column the tribute which is due from yourselves. Just honor to Washington can only be rendered by observing his precepts and imitating his example. He has built his own monument. We, and those who come after us, in successive generations, are its appointed, its privileged guardians.
The wide-spread republic is the future monument to Washington. Maintain its independence. Uphold its constitution. Preserve its union. Defend its liberty. Let it stand before the world in all its original strength and beauty, securing peace, order, equality, and freedom, to all within its boundaries, and shedding light and hope and joy upon the pathway of human liberty throughout the world—and Washington needs no other monument. Other structures may testify our veneration for him; this, alone can adequately illustrate his service to mankind.
Nor does he need even this. The republic[219] may perish; the wide arch of our ranged Union may fall; star by star its glories may expire; stone by stone its columns and its capitol may moulder and crumble; all other names which adorn its annals may be forgotten; but as long as human hearts shall anywhere pant, or human tongues anywhere plead, for a true, rational, constitutional liberty, those hearts shall enshrine the memory, and those tongues prolong the fame, of George Washington.
BY FRANCES E. WILLARD.
Although it is not customary to include women among orators, an exception must be made in the case of Miss Willard. Few men have ever possessed her command over popular audiences. Her eloquence drew multitudes to listen to her burning appeals in behalf of the reforms of the day, among whom were always many who protested that they “never liked to hear a woman talk in public.”
Miss Willard’s remarkable gifts, her zeal and earnestness, and her devotion to her cause, gave her a world-wide reputation. This extract from one of her eloquent public addresses is bright in thought, wholesome in sentiment, and is a model of effective speech.
Let us be grateful that our horizon is widening. We women have learned to reason from effect to cause. It is considered a fine sign of a thinker to be able to reason from cause to effect. But we, in fourteen years’ march, have learned to go from the drunkard in the gutter, who was the object lesson we first saw, back to the children, as you will hear to-night; back to the idea of preventive, educational, evangelistic, social, and legal work for temperance; back to the basis of the saloon itself.
We have found that the liquor traffic is joined hand in hand with the very sources of the National Government. And we have come to the place where we want prohibition, first, last, and all the time. While the brewer talks about his “vested interests,” I lend my voice to the motherhood of the nation that has gone down into the valley of unutterable pain and in the shadow of death, with the dews of eternity upon the mother’s brow, given birth and being to the sons who are the “vested interests” of America’s homes.
We offset the demand of the brewer and distiller, that you shall protect their ill-gotten gains, with the thought of these most sacred treasures, dear to the hearts that you, our brothers, honor—dear to the hearts that you love best. I bring to you this thought, to-night, that you shall vote to represent us, and hasten the time when we can represent ourselves.
I believe that we are going out into this work, being schooled and inspired for greater things than we have dreamed, and that the army of women will prove the grandest sisterhood the world has ever known. As I have seen the love and kindness and good-will of women who differed so widely from us politically and religiously, and yet have found away down in the depths of their hearts the utmost love and affection, I have said, what kind of a world will this be when all women are as fond of each other as we strong-minded women are?
Home is the citadel of everything that is good and pure on earth; nothing must enter there to defile, neither anything which loveth or maketh a lie. And it shall be found that all society needed to make it altogether homelike was the home-folks; that all government needed to make it altogether pure from the fumes of tobacco and the debasing effects of strong drink, was the home-folks; that wherever you put a woman who has the[220] atmosphere or home about her, she brings in the good time of pleasant and friendly relationship, and points with the finger of hope and the eye of faith always to something better—always it is better farther on.
As I look around and see the heavy cloud of apathy under which so many still are stifled, who take no interest in these things, I just think they do not half mean the hard words that they sometimes speak to us, or they wouldn’t if they knew; and, after awhile, they will have the same views I have, spell them with a capital V, and all be harmonious, like Barnum’s happy family, a splendid menagerie of the whole human race—clear-eyed, kind and victorious!
BY JOSEPH STORY.
I call upon you, fathers, by the shades of your ancestors—by the dear ashes which repose in this precious soil—by all you are, and all you hope to be—resist every object of disunion, resist every encroachment upon your liberties, resist every attempt to fetter your consciences, or smother your public schools, or extinguish your system of public instruction.
I call upon you, mothers, by that which never fails in woman, the love of your offspring; teach them, as they climb your knees, or lean on your bosoms, the blessings of liberty. Swear them at the altar, as with their baptismal vows, to be true to their country, and never to forget or forsake her.
I call upon you, young men, to remember whose sons you are; whose inheritance you possess. Life can never be too short, which brings nothing but disgrace and oppression. Death never comes too soon, if necessary in defence of the liberties of your country.
I call upon you, old men, for your counsels, and your prayers, and your benedictions. May not your gray hairs go down in sorrow to the grave, with the recollection that you have lived in vain. May not your last sun sink in the west upon a nation of slaves.
No; I read in the destiny of my country far better hopes, far brighter visions. We, who are now assembled here, must soon be gathered to the congregation of other days. The time of our departure is at hand, to make way for our children upon the theatre of life. May God speed them and theirs. May he who, at the distance of another century, shall stand here to celebrate this day, still look round upon a free, happy, and virtuous people. May he have reason to exult as we do. May he, with all the enthusiasm of truth as well as of poetry, exclaim, that here is still his country.
BY EDWIN H. CHAPIN.
As a pulpit orator and lecturer Mr. Chapin was widely known and popular. His style was ornate and finished, and when to this was added his grand voice and magnetic delivery, his audiences could not resist the charm of his eloquence. His opinions placed him in the front ranks of reformers.
The great element of reform is not born of human wisdom, it does not draw its life from human organizations. I find it only in Christianity. “Thy kingdom come!” There is a sublime and pregnant burden in this prayer. It is the aspiration[221] of every soul that goes forth in the spirit of Reform. For what is the significance of this prayer? It is a petition that all holy influences would penetrate and subdue and dwell in the heart of man, until he shall think, and speak, and do good, from the very necessity of his being.
So would the institutions of error and wrong crumble and pass away. So would sin die out from the earth; and the human soul living in harmony with the Divine will, this earth would become like heaven. It is too late for the reformers to sneer at Christianity—it is foolishness for them to reject it. In it are enshrined our faith in human progress—our confidence in reform. It is indissolubly connected with all that is hopeful, spiritual, capable, in man.
That men have misunderstood it, and perverted it, is true. But it is also true that the noblest efforts for human melioration have come out of it—have been based upon it. Is it not so? Come, ye remembered ones, who sleep the sleep of the just—who took your conduct from the line of Christian philosophy—come from your tombs, and answer!
Come, Howard, from the gloom of the prison and the taint of the lazar-house, and show us what philanthropy can do when imbued with the spirit of Jesus. Come, Eliot, from the thick forest where the red man listens to the Word of Life;—Come, Penn, from thy sweet counsel and weaponless victory—and show us what Christian zeal and Christian love can accomplish with the rudest barbarians or the fiercest hearts. Come, Raikes, from thy labors with the ignorant and the poor, and show us with what an eye this faith regards the lowest and least of our race; and how diligently it labors, not for the body, not for the rank, but for the plastic soul that is to course the ages of immortality.
And ye, who are a great number—ye nameless ones—who have done good in your narrow spheres, content to forego renown on earth, and seeking your reward in the record on high—come and tell us how kindly a spirit, how lofty a purpose, or how strong a courage the religion ye professed can breathe into the poor, the humble, and the weak. Go forth, then, Spirit of Christianity, to thy great work of Reform. The past bears witness to thee in the blood of thy martyrs, and the ashes of thy saints and heroes; the present is hopeful because of thee; the future shall acknowledge thy omnipotence.
BY LYMAN BEECHER.
A rather small wiry man with strong face, compact fibre, quick motions, great earnestness and pulpit ability of the highest order—this was Lyman Beecher. He made himself especially prominent in the early days of the temperance reformation. The selection here given is one of many similar utterances and is full of force and fire.
Could I call around me in one vast assembly the temperate young men of our land, I would say,—Hopes of the nation, blessed be ye of the Lord now in the dew of your youth. But look well to your footsteps; for vipers, and scorpions, and adders surround your way.
Look at the generation who have just preceded you: the morning of their life was[222] cloudless, and it dawned as brightly as your own; but behold them bitten, swollen, enfeebled, inflamed, debauched, idle, poor, irreligious, and vicious, with halting step dragging onward to meet an early grave! Their bright prospects are clouded, and their sun is set never to rise. No house of their own receives them, while from poorer to poorer tenements they descend, and to harder and harder fare, as improvidence dries up their resources.
And now, who are those that wait on their footsteps with muffled faces and sable garments? That is a father—and that is a mother—whose gray hairs are coming with sorrow to the grave. That is a sister, weeping over evils which she cannot arrest; and there is the broken-hearted wife; and there are the children, hapless innocents, for whom their father has provided the inheritance only of dishonor, and nakedness and woe.
And is this, beloved young men, the history of your course? In this scene of desolation, do you behold the image of your future selves? Is this the poverty and disease which, as an armed man, shall take hold on you? And are your fathers, and mothers, and sisters, and wives, and children, to succeed to those who now move on in this mournful procession, weeping as they go? Yes: bright as your morning now opens, and high as your hopes beat, this is your noon, and your night, unless you shun those habits of intemperance which have thus early made theirs a day of clouds, and of thick darkness. If you frequent places of evening resort for social drinking; if you set out with drinking, daily, a little, temperately, prudently, it is yourselves which, as in a glass, you behold.
BY CHAUNCEY M. DEPEW.
Mr. Depew is considered one of the foremost of our American orators, and it is enough to say he has risen to this distinction in a land noted for the eloquence of its public men. He is an excellent extemporaneous speaker, is graceful and easy in manner, fluent in utterance, and has a touch of humor that renders him popular. His tribute to the Pilgrims is worthy of a theme so inspiring.
They were practical statesmen, these Pilgrims. They wasted no time theorizing upon methods, but went straight at the mark. They solved the Indian problem with shot-guns, and it was not General Sherman, but Miles Standish, who originated the axiom that the only good Indians are the dead ones. They were bound by neither customs nor traditions, nor committals to this or that policy. The only question with them was, Does it work? The success of their Indian experiment led them to try similar methods with witches, Quakers and Baptists.
Their failure taught them the difference between mind and matter. A dead savage was another wolf under ground, but one of themselves persecuted or killed for conscience sake sowed the seed of discontent and disbelief. The effort to wall in a creed and wall out liberty was at once abandoned, and to-day New England has more religions and not less religion, but less bigotry, than any other community in the world.
In an age when dynamite was unknown, the Pilgrim invented in the cabin of the Mayflower the most powerful of explosives. The declaration of the equality of all men before[223] the law has rocked thrones and consolidated classes. It separated the colonies from Great Britain and created the United States. It pulverized the chains of the slaves and gave manhood suffrage. It devolved upon the individual the functions of government and made the people the sole source of power. It substituted the cap of liberty for the royal crown in France, and by a bloodless revolution has added to the constellation of American republics, the star of Brazil.
But with the ever-varying conditions incident to free government, the Puritan’s talent as a political mathematician will never rust. Problems of the utmost importance press upon him for solution. When, in the effort to regulate the liquor traffic, he has advanced beyond the temper of the times and the sentiment of the people in the attempt to enact or enforce prohibition, and either been disastrously defeated or the flagrant evasions of the statutes have brought the law into contempt, he does not despair, but tries to find the error in his calculation.
If gubernatorial objections block the way of high license he will bombard the executive judgment and conscience by a proposition to tax. The destruction of homes, the ruin of the young, the increase of pauperism and crime, the added burdens upon the taxpayers by the evils of intemperance, appeal with resistless force to his training and traditions. As the power of the saloon increases the difficulties of the task, he becomes more and more certain that some time or other and in some way or other he will do that sum too.
BY THOMAS FRANCIS MEAGHER.
All Americans ought to feel kindly disposed toward this eloquent Irish patriot, for he not only risked his life in the cause of Irish liberty, but also in our own Civil War. This oration has a rugged strength and blunt earnestness quite characteristic of the man. Let it not be delivered in any feeble halting manner, but with all your nerve and energy.
Sir, the pursuit of liberty must cease to be a traffic. It must resume among us its ancient glory—be with us an active heroism. Once for all, sir, we must have an end of this money making in the public forum. We must ennoble the strife for liberty; make it a gallant sacrifice, not a vulgar game; rescue the cause of Ireland from the profanation of those who beg, and from the control of those who bribe!
Ah! trust not those dull philosophers of the age, those wretched sceptics, who, to rebuke our enthusiasm, our folly, would persuade us that patriotism is but a delusion, a dream of youth, a wild and glittering passion; that it has died out in this nineteenth century; that it cannot exist with our advanced civilization—with the steam-engine and free trade!
False—false!—The virtue that gave to Paganism its dazzling lustre, to Barbarism its redeeming trait, to Christianity its heroic form, is not dead. It still lives, to preserve, to console, to sanctify humanity. It has its altar in every clime—its worship and festivities. On the heathered hills of Scotland, the sword of Wallace is yet a bright tradition. The genius of France, in the brilliant literature of the day, pays its high homage to the piety and heroism of the young Maid of Orleans.
In her new senate hall, England bids her sculptor place among the effigies of her greatest sons the images of Hampden and[224] of Russell. By the soft blue waters of Lake Lucerne stands the chapel of William Tell. At Innsbruck, in the black aisle of the old cathedral, the peasant of the Tyrol kneels before the statue of Andrew Hofer. In the great American republic—in that capital city which bears his name—rises the monument of the Father of his country.
Sir, shall we not join in this glorious homage, and here in this island, consecrated by the blood of many a good and gallant man, shall we not have the faith, the duties, the festivities, of patriotism? You discard the weapons of these heroic men—do not discard the virtues. Elevate the national character; confront corruption wherever it appears; scourge it from the hustings; scourge it from the public forum; and, whilst proceeding with the noble task to which you have devoted your lives and fortunes, let this thought enrapture and invigorate your hearts: That in seeking the independence of your country, you have preserved her virtue—preserved it at once from the seductions of a powerful minister, and from the infidelity of bad citizens.
BY LORD MACAULAY.
As a historian Macaulay has a world-wide reputation. As a poet he takes high rank. As an orator his speeches are characterized by lofty thought, felicitious language and the most elaborate style. I would call him a graceful giant. The last paragraph of the following selection in which he predicts the final decay of England, has created an endless amount of comment and criticism. Concerning the beauty and grandeur of this selection from his writings, there can be but one opinion.
All the triumphs of truth and genius over prejudice and power, in every country and in every age, have been the triumphs of Athens. Whenever a few great minds have made a stand against violence and fraud, in the cause of liberty and reason, there has been her spirit in the midst of them; inspiring, encouraging, and consoling. It stood by the lonely lamp of Erasmus; by the restless bed of Pascal; in the tribune of Mirabeau; in the cell of Galileo; on the scaffold of Sidney.
But who shall estimate her influence on private happiness? Who shall say how many thousands have been made wiser, happier, and better, by those pursuits in which she has taught mankind to engage; to how many the studies which took their rise from her have been wealth in poverty; liberty in bondage; health in sickness; society in solitude. Her power is indeed manifested at the bar, in the senate; in the field of battle, in the schools of philosophy.
But these are not her glory. Surely it is no exaggeration to say, that no external advantage is to be compared with that purification of the intellectual eye, which gives us to contemplate the infinite wealth of the mental world; all the hoarded treasures of the primeval dynasties, all the shapeless ore of the yet unexplored mines.
This is the gift of Athens to man. Her freedom and her power have for more than twenty centuries been annihilated. Her people have degenerated into timid slaves; her language, into a barbarous jargon. Her temples have been given up to the successive depredations of Romans, Turks, and Scotchmen; but her intellectual empire is imperishable.
And, when those who have rivaled her greatness, shall have shared her fate; when[225] civilization and knowledge shall have fixed their abode in distant continents; when the sceptre shall have passed away from England; when, perhaps, travelers from distant regions shall in vain labor to decipher on some mouldering pedestal the name of our proudest chief; and shall see a single naked fisherman wash his nets in the river of the ten thousand masts; her influence and her glory will still survive, fresh in eternal youth, exempt from mutability and decay, immortal as the intellectual principle from which they derived their origin, and over which they exercise their control.
BY WILLIAM E. GLADSTONE.
No man in England, or in fact in the whole world, has gained so high a distinction in modern times for statesmanship and eloquence as Mr. Gladstone. Possessed of vast resources of brain and culture, a remarkable command of language, an iron will and an enthusiasm in behalf of every cause he espoused that was checked by no opposition, the “Grand Old Man,” as he was called, was the most majestic and commanding figure in English politics and literature for a generation. His oration on the Irish Church is a good specimen of his impassioned oratory.
If we are prudent men, I hope we shall endeavor as far as in us lies to make some provision for a contingent, a doubtful, and probably a dangerous future. If we be chivalrous men, I trust we shall endeavor to wipe away all those stains which the civilized world has for ages seen, or seemed to see, on the shield of England in her treatment of Ireland. If we be compassionate men, I hope we shall now, once for all, listen to the tale of woe which comes from her, and the reality of which, if not its justice, is testified by the continuous emigration of her people—that we shall endeavor to—
But, above all, if we be just men, we shall go forward in the name of truth and right, bearing this in mind—that, when the case is proved and the hour is come, justice delayed is justice denied.
There are many who think that to lay hands upon the national Church Establishment of a country is a profane and unhallowed act. I respect that feeling. I sympathize with it. I sympathize with it while I think it my duty to overcome and repress it. But if it be an error, it is an error entitled to respect. There is something in the idea of a national establishment of religion, of a solemn appropriation of a part of the Commonwealth for conferring upon all who are ready to receive it what we know to be an inestimable benefit; of saving that portion of the inheritance from private selfishness, in order to extract from it, if we can, pure and unmixed advantages of the highest order for the population at large.
There is something in this so attractive that it is an image that must always command the homage of the many. It is somewhat like the kingly ghost in Hamlet, of which one of the characters of Shakespeare says:—
But, sir, this is to view a religious establishment upon one side, only upon what I may call the ethereal side. It has likewise[226] a side of earth; and here I cannot do better than quote some lines written by the Archbishop of Dublin, at a time when his genius was devoted to the muses. He said, in speaking of mankind:
And so the Church Establishment, regarded in its theory and in its aim, is beautiful and attractive. Yet what is it but an appropriation of public property, an appropriation of the fruits of labor and of skill to certain purposes, and unless these purposes are fulfilled, that appropriation cannot be justified. Therefore, Sir, I cannot but feel that we must set aside fears which thrust themselves upon the imagination, and act upon the sober dictates of our judgment.
I think it has been shown that the cause for action is strong—not for precipitate action, not for action beyond our powers, but for such action as the opportunities of the times and the condition of Parliament, if there be but a ready will, will amply and easily admit of. If I am asked as to my expectations of the issue of this struggle, I begin frankly by avowing that I, for one, would not have entered into it unless I believed that the final hour was about to sound.
And I hope that the noble lord will forgive me if I say that before Friday last I thought that the thread of the remaining life of the Irish Established Church was short, but that since Friday last, when at half-past four o’clock in the afternoon the noble lord stood at that table, I have regarded it as being shorter still. The issue is not in our hands.
What we had and have to do is to consider well and deeply before we take the first step in an engagement such as this; but having entered into the controversy, there and then to acquit ourselves like men, and to use every effort to remove what still remains of the scandals and calamities in the relations which exist between England and Ireland, and use our best efforts at least to fill up with the cement of human concord the noble fabric of the British empire.
BY LOUIS KOSSUTH.
The eminent Hungarian orator and statesman, whose name for a whole generation stood for liberty, visited our country in his early manhood and received an ovation wherever he went. His progress was a triumphal march. This was due not merely to the fact that he was exerting all his energies to liberate his country, but his reception was a tribute to his brilliant genius and overpowering eloquence. Kossuth was one of the most remarkable orators of modern times. The following selection is a fine illustration of his impassioned, burning eloquence.
Our fatherland is in danger. Citizens of the fatherland! To arms! To arms! If we believed the country could be saved by ordinary means, we would not cry that it is in danger. If we stood at the head of a cowardly, childish nation, which, in the hour of peril, prefers defeat to defence, we would not sound the alarm-bell. But because we know that the people of our land compose a manly nation, determined to defend itself against oppression, we call out in the loudest voice, “Our fatherland is in danger!” Because we are sure that the nation is able to defend its hearths and homes, we announce the peril in all its magnitude, and appeal to our brethren, in the name of[227] God and their country, to look the danger boldly in the face.
We will not smile and flatter. We say it plainly, that unless the nation rise, to a man, prepared to shed the last drop of blood, all our previous struggles will have been in vain. The noble blood that has flowed like water, will have been wasted. Our fatherland will be crushed to the earth. On the soil, where rest the ashes of our ancestors, the Russian knout will be wielded over a people reduced beneath the yoke of slavery.
If we wish to shut our eyes to the danger, we shall thereby save no one from its power. If we represent the matter as it is, we make our country master of its own fate. If the breath of life is in our people, they will save themselves and their fatherland. But, if paralyzed by coward fear, they remain supine, all will be lost. God will help no man who does not help himself. We tell you that the Austrian Emperor sends the hordes of Russian barbarians for your destruction.
People of Hungary! Would you die under the destroying sword of the barbarous Russians? If not, defend your own lives! Would you see the Cossacks of the distant north trampling under foot the dishonored bodies of your fathers, your wives, and your children? If not, defend yourselves! Do you wish that your fellow-countrymen should be dragged away to Siberia, or should fight for tyrants in a foreign land, or writhe in slavery beneath a Russian scourge? If not, defend yourselves! Would you see your villages in flames, and your harvest-fields in ruins? Would you die of hunger on the soil which you have cultivated with sweat and blood? If not, defend yourselves!
This strife is not a strife between two hostile camps, but a war of tyranny against freedom, of barbarians against the collective might of a free nation. Therefore must the whole people arise with the army. If these millions sustain our army, we have gained freedom and victory for universal Europe, as well as for ourselves. Therefore, O strong, gigantic people, unite with the army, and rush to the conflict. Ho! every freeman! To arms! To arms! Thus alone is victory certain.
BY CICERO.
This oration is inserted here to furnish an example of the style of the great Roman orator whose eloquence has been proverbial from his time to the present. His patriotic utterances should stir the blood of the reciter, and if they do this his hearers will share the inspiration.
An opinion has long prevailed, fathers, that, in public prosecutions, men of wealth, however clearly convicted, are always safe. This opinion, so injurious to your order, so detrimental to the state, it is now in your power to refute. A man is on trial before you who is rich, and he hopes his riches will compass his acquittal; but whose life and actions are his sufficient condemnation in the eyes of all candid men. I speak of Caius Verres, who, if he now receive not the sentence his crimes deserve, it shall not be through the lack of a criminal or of a prosecutor, but through the failure of the ministers of justice to do their duty.
Passing over the shameful irregularities of his youth, what does the quæstorship of Verres exhibit but one continued scene of villanies? The public treasure squandered, a consul stripped and betrayed, an army deserted and reduced to want, a province robbed, the civil and religious rights of a[228] people trampled on! But his prætorship in Sicily has crowned his career of wickedness, and completed the lasting monument of his infamy. His decisions have violated all law, all precedent, all right. His extortions from the industrious poor have been beyond computation. Our most faithful allies have been treated as enemies. Roman citizens have, like slaves, been put to death with tortures. Men the most worthy have been condemned and banished without a hearing, while the most atrocious criminals have, with money, purchased exemption from the punishment due to their guilt.
I ask now, Verres, what have you to advance against these charges? Art thou not the tyrant Prætor, who, at no greater distance than Sicily, within sight of the Italian coast, dared to put to an infamous death, on the cross, that ill-fated and innocent citizen, Publius Gavius Cosanus? And what was his offence? He had declared his intention of appealing to the justice of his country against your brutal persecutions!
For this, when about to embark for home, he was seized, brought before you, charged with being a spy, scourged and tortured. In vain did he exclaim: “I am a Roman citizen! I have served under Lucius Pretius, who is now at Panormus, and who will attest my innocence!” Deaf to all remonstrance, remorseless, thirsting for innocent blood, you ordered the savage punishment to be inflicted! While the sacred words, “I am a Roman citizen,” were on his lips—words which, in the remotest regions, are a passport to protection—you ordered him to death—to a death upon the cross!
O liberty! O sound once delightful to every Roman ear! O sacred privilege of Roman citizenship! once sacred—now trampled on! Is it come to this? Shall an inferior magistrate—a governor, who holds his whole power of the Roman people—in a Roman province, within sight of Italy, bind, scourge, torture, and put to an infamous death, a Roman citizen? Shall neither the cries of innocence expiring in agony, the tears of pitying spectators, the majesty of the Roman commonwealth, nor the fear of the justice of his country, restrain the merciless monster, who, in the confidence of his riches, strikes at the very root of liberty, and sets mankind at defiance? And shall this man escape? Fathers, it must not be! It must not be unless you would undermine the very foundations of social safety, strangle justice, and call down anarchy, massacre, and ruin on the commonwealth.
A recitation that has a touch of humor, one that is quaint and droll, one that has comical situations, or one that hits off any popular absurdity, is sure to be well received by your audience. A school exhibition or an evening’s entertainment without something of this kind would be pronounced dull and dry.
Some readers are especially adapted to recitals of this description. They have an innate sense of the ludicrous and are able to convey it by voice and manner. Those who are not favored with the very desirable gift of humor should confine themselves to selections of a graver character. The department of Wit and Humor here presented is large and complete, containing a great variety of readings that cannot fail to be enthusiastically received when properly rendered.
Be careful, in all dialect recitations, to enunciate as the piece requires. A good part of the humor is brought out in the accent, and you should study this until you are master of it.
A good specimen of the Irish brogue and wit.
I saw Teddy Reagan the other day; he told me he had been dealing in hogs. “Is business good?” says I. “Yis,” says he. “Talking about hogs, Teddy, how do you find yourself?” sez I. I wint to buy a clock the other day, to make a present to Mary Jane. “Will you have a Frinch clock?” says the jeweler. “The deuce take your Frinch clock,” sez I. “I want a clock that my sister can understand when it strikes.” “I have a Dutch clock,” sez he, “an’ you kin put that on the shtairs.” “It might run down if I put it there,” sez I. “Well,” sez he, “here’s a Yankee clock, with a lookin’-glass in the front, so that you can see yourself,” sez he. “It’s too ugly,” sez I. “Thin I’ll take the lookin’-glass out, an’ whin you look at it you’ll not find it so ugly,” sez he.
I wint to Chatham Sthreet to buy a shirt, for the one I had on was a thrifle soiled. The Jew who kept the sthore looked at my bosom, an’ said: “So hellup me gracious! how long do you vear a shirt?” “Twinty-eight inches,” sez I. “Have you any fine shirts?” sez I. “Yis,” sez he. “Are they clane?” says I. “Yis,” sez he. “Thin you had better put one on,” sez I.
You may talk about bringin’ up childer in the way they should go, but I believe in bringing them up by the hair of the head. Talking about bringing up childer—I hear my childer’s prayers every night. The other night I let thim up to bed without thim. I skipped and sthood behind the door. I heard the big boy say: “Give us this day our daily bread.” The little fellow said: “Sthrike him for pie, Johnny.” I have one of the most economical boys in the Citty of New York; he hasn’t spint one cint for the last two years. I am expecting him down from Sing Sing prison next week.
Talking about boys, I have a nephew who, five years ago, couldn’t write a word. Last week he wrote his name for $10,000; he’ll git tin years in the pinatintiary. I can’t write, but I threw a brick at a policeman and made my mark.
They had a fight at Tim Owen’s wake last week. Mary Jane was there. She says, barrin’ herself, there was only one whole nose left in the party, an’ that belonged to the tay-kettle.
Don’t overdo the whimpering and crying, but make the facial expressions and imitate the sobbing of one in tears. Make use of a handkerchief to render the imitation more effective.
Before reciting this state to your audience that “nein” is the German for “no.”
“Now, then,” said the short and fat and anxious-looking man as he sat down in the street car and unfolded a map he had just bought of a fakir. “I want to know how this old thing works. Let me first find the Philippine Islands and Manila. Here I am, and here is Ca-vitt.”
“I beg your pardon, sir,” said the man on his left, “but that name is pronounced Kah-vee-tay.”
“Then why ain’t it spelled that way?” demanded the short and fat man. “No wonder Dooye has been left there a whole month without reinforcements when they mix up things that way.”
“You mean Dewey,” corrected the man on his right.
“I heard it called Dooye, sir.”
“But it isn’t right.”
“Then why don’t this map give it right? Is it the plan of our map-makers to bamboozle the American patriot? Let us turn to Cuba. Ah! here is that San Jew-an they are talking so much about.”
“Will you allow me to say that the name is pronounced San Wan?” softly observed the man on the left.
“By whom, sir?”
“By everybody.”
“I deny it, sir!” exclaimed the fat man. “If J-u-a-n don’t spell ‘Juan’ then I can’t read. If I am wrong then why don’t this map set me right? Is it the idea to mix up the American patriot until he can’t tell whether he’s in Cuba or the United States?”
“Where is that Ci-en-fue-gos I’ve read about?”
“Do you wish for the correct pronunciation of that name?” asked a man on the other side of the car.
“Haven’t I got it?”
“Not exactly, sir.”
“Then let her slide. The men who got out this map ought to be indicted for swindling. Maybe I’m wrong in calling it Ma-tan-zas?”
“It is hardly correct, sir.”
“And I’m off on Por-to Ri-co?”
“Just a little off.”
“That settles it, sir—that settles it!” said the short man as he folded up the map and tossed it away on the street. “I had a grandfather in the Revolutionary War, a father in the war with Mexico, and two brothers in the late Civil War, and I was going to offer my services to Uncle Sam in this emergency; but it’s off, sir—all off.”
“But what difference does the pronunciation make?” protested the man on the right.
“All the difference in the world, sir. My wife is tongue-tied and my only child has got a hare-lip, and if I should get killed neither one of them would be able to ever make any one understand whether I poured out my blood in a battle in Cuba or was run over by an ice-wagon in front of my own house!”
Och, Mollie Moriarty, I’ve been havin’ the quare iksparyincis since yiz hurrud from me, an’ if I’d known how it wud be whin I lift ould Oireland, I’d nivir have sit fut intil this coonthry befoor landin’. Me prisint misthriss that I had befoor the lasht wan is a discoiple av a new koind av relijun called Christian Soience. She’s been afthur takin’ a sooccission av coorsis av coolchur (I belave that’s fwhat they call it), an’ she knows all aboot this Christian Soience.
I’ve hurrud her talkin’ wid the other ladies about moind an’ matther, an’ as will as I can undherstand, Christian Soience manes that iverything is all moind an’ no matther, or all matther an’ nivir moind, an’ that ivery wan’s nobody, an’ iverything’s nothing ilse. The misthriss ses there’s no disase nor trooble, an’ no nade av physic; nivirthiliss, whin she dishcoovered cockroaches intil the panthry, she sint me out wid the money to buy an iksterminatin’ powdher.
Thinks I to mesilf, “I’ll give thim roaches a dose av Christian Soience, or fwhat the ladies call an ‘absint thratemint.’” So I fixed the powers av me moind on the middlesoom[235] craythers an’ shpint the money till me own binifit. Afther a few days the misthriss goes intil the panthry, an’ foinds thim roaches roonin’ ’round as if they’d nivir been kilt at all. I throied to iksplain, but wid the inconsishtency av her six she wouldn’t listhin till a worrud, but ses I was addin’ impertinince to desaving’. So I’m afther lookin’ fur a place, an’ if yiz know av any lady widout notions that do be bewildherin’ to me moind, address,
Miss Bridget O’Flannagan,
Post Office, Ameriky.
M. Bourchier.
It is bad enough to see a bachelor sew on a button, but he is the embodiment of grace alongside a married man. Necessity has compelled experience in the case of the former, but the latter has depended upon some one else for this service, and fortunately for the sake of society, it is rarely he is obliged to resort to the needle himself. Sometimes the patient wife scalds her right hand, or runs a sliver under the nail of the index finger of that hand, and it is then the man clutches the needle around the neck, and, forgetting to tie a knot on the thread, commences to put on the button.
It is always in the morning, and from five to twenty minutes after this he is expected to be down street. He lays the button on exactly the site of its predecessor, and pushes the needle through one eye, and carefully draws the thread after, leaving about three inches of it sticking up for leeway. He says to himself, “Well, if women don’t have the easiest time I ever see.”
Then he comes back the other way and gets the needle through the cloth easy enough, and lays himself out to find the eye, but, in spite of a great deal of patient jabbing, the needle point persists in bucking against the solid parts of the button, and finally, when he loses patience, his fingers catch the thread, and that three inches he has left to hold the button slips through the eye in a twinkling, and the button rolls leisurely across the floor. He picks it up without a single remark, out of respect for his children, and makes another attempt to fasten it.
This time, when coming back with the needle, he keeps both the thread and button from slipping, by covering them with his thumb; and it is out of regard for that part of him that he feels around for the eye in a very careful and judicious manner, but eventually losing his philosophy as the search becomes more and more hopeless, he falls to jabbing about in a loose and savage manner, and it is just then the needle finds the opening and comes up the button and part way through his thumb with a celerity that no human ingenuity can guard against. Then he lays down the things with a few familiar quotations, and presses the injured hand between his knees, and then holds it under the other arm, and finally jams it into his mouth, and all the while he prances and calls upon heaven and earth to witness that there has never been anything like it since the world was created, and howls, and whistles, and moans and sobs. After a while he calms down and puts on his pants and fastens them together with a stick, and goes to his business a changed man.
J. M. Bailey.
You do not need any set tune for the words to be sung. It will be more amusing to have none, but to extemporize as you go along. Stop singing when you come to the words in parenthesis and speak them. To complete the impersonation, you should have a violin. Do not recite German dialect pieces too rapidly; the words should be pronounced very distinctly.
If this selection were recited in the costume of a housemaid, with apron, sunbonnet and bare arms, the effect would be intensified. Place the hands on the hips except when gesticulating.
“It’s thru for me, Katy, that I never seed the like of this people afore. It’s a time I’ve been having since coming to this house, twelve months agone this week Thursday. Yer know, honey, that my fourth coosin, Ann Macarthy, recommended me to Mrs. Whaler, and told the lady that I knew about genteel housework and the likes; while at the same time I had niver seed inter an American lady’s kitchen.
“So she engaged me, and my heart was jist ready to burst wid grief for the story that Ann had told, for Mrs. Whaler was a swate-spoken lady, and never looked cross-like in her life; that I knew by her smooth, kind face. Well, jist the first thing she told me to do, after I dressed the children, was to dress the ducks for dinner. I stood looking at the lady for a couple of minutes, before I could make out any maneing at all to her words.
“Thin I went searching after clothes for the ducks; and such a time as I had, to be sure. High and low I went till at last my mistress axed me for what I was looking; and I told her the clothes for the ducks, to be sure. Och, how she scramed and laughed, till my face was as rid as the sun wid shame, and she showed me in her kind swate way what her maneing was. Thin she told me how to air the beds; and it was a day for me, indade, when I could go up chamber alone and clare up the rooms. One day Mrs. Whaler said to me:
“‘Biddy, an’ ye may give the baby an airin’, if yees will.’
“What should I do—and it’s thru what I am saying this blessed minute—but go upstairs wid the child, and shake it, and then howld it out of the winder. Such a scraming and kicking as the baby gave—but I hild on the harder. Everybody thin in the strate’ looked at me; at last misthress came up to see what for was so much noise.
“‘I am thrying to air the baby,’ I said, ‘but it kicks and scrames dridfully.’
“There was company down below; and whin Mrs. Whaler told them what I had been after doing, I thought they would scare the folks in the strate wid scraming.
“And then I was told I must do up Mr. Whaler’s sharts one day when my mistress was out shopping. She told me repeatedly to do them up nice, for master was going away, so I takes the sharts and did them all up in some paper that I was after bringing from the ould country wid me, and tied some nice pink ribbon around the bundle.
“‘Where are the sharts, Biddy?’ axed Mrs. Whaler, when she comed home.
“‘I have been doing them up in a quair nice way,’ I said, bringing her the bundle.
“‘Will you iver be done wid your graneness!’ she axed me with a loud scrame.
“I can’t for the life of me be tellin’ what their talkin’ manes. At home we call the likes of this fine work starching; and a deal of it I have done, too. Och! and may the blessed Vargin pity me, for I never’ll be cured of my graneness!”
Imitate the cough. Put your hands on different parts of your body in describing your aches and pains. Wear a long dismal face. Bend forward and limp as you change your position.
Good Morning, Doctor; how do you do? I hain’t quite as well as I have been; but I think I’m some better than I was. I don’t think that last medicine that you gin me did me much good. I had a terrible time with the earache last night; my wife got up and drapt a few draps of walnut sap into it, and that relieved it some; but I didn’t get a wink of sleep till nearly daylight. For nearly a week, Doctor, I’ve had the worst kind of a narvous headache; it has been so bad sometimes that I thought my head would bust open. Oh, dear! I sometimes think that I’m the most afflictedest human that ever lived.
Since this cold weather sot in, that troublesome cough, that I have had every winter for the last fifteen years, has began to pester me agin. (Coughs.) Doctor, do you think you can give me any thing that will relieve this desprit pain I have in my side?
Then I have a crick, at times, in the back of my neck, so that I can’t turn my head without turning the hull of my body. (Coughs.)
Oh, dear! What shall I do? I have consulted almost every doctor in the country, but they don’t any of them seem to understand my case. I have tried everything that I could think of; but I can’t find anything that does me the least good. (Coughs.)
Oh, this cough—it will be the death of me yet! You know I had my right hip put out last fall at the rising of Deacon Jones’ saw-mill; it’s getting to be very troublesome just before we have a change of weather. Then I’ve got the sciatica in my right knee, and sometimes I’m so crippled up that I can hardly crawl round in any fashion.
What do you think that old white mare of ours did while I was out plowing last week? Why, the weaked old critter, she kept a backing and backing, ontil she backed me right up agin the colter, and knock’d a piece of skin off my shin nearly so big. (Coughs.)
But I had a worse misfortune than that the other day, Doctor. You see it was washing-day—and my wife wanted me to go out and bring in a little stove-wood—you know we lost our help lately, and my wife has to wash and tend to everything about the house herself.
I knew it wouldn’t be safe for me to go out—as it was raining at the time—but I thought I’d risk it anyhow. So I went out, picked up a few chunks of stove-wood, and was a coming up the steps into the house, when my feet slipped from under me, and I fell down as sudden as if I’d been shot. Some of the wood lit upon my face, broke down the bridge of my nose, cut my upper lip, and knocked out three of my front teeth. I suffered dreadfully on account of it, as you may suppose, and my face ain’t well enough yet to make me fit to be seen, ’specially by the women folks. (Coughs.) Oh, dear! but that ain’t all, Doctor; I’ve got fifteen corns on my toes—and I’m afeard I’m going to have the “yaller janders.” (Coughs.)
Dr. Valentine.
Near the town of Reading, in Berks County, Pennsylvania, there formerly lived a well-to-do Dutch farmer named Peter Van Riper. His only son was a strapping lad of seventeen, also named Peter, and upon old Peter and young Peter devolved the principal cares of the old man’s farm, now and then assisted by an ancient Dutchman named Jake Sweighoffer, who lived in the neighborhood, and went out to work by the day.
One warm day in haying time this trio were hard at work in a meadow near the farm-house, when suddenly Peter the elder dropped his scythe and called out:
“Oh! mine gracious, Peter! Peter!”
“What’s de matter, fader?” answered the son, straightening up and looking at his sire.
“Oh! mine Peter! Peter!” again cried the old man, “do come here, right off! Der schnake pite mine leg!”
If anything in particular could disturb the nerves of young Peter, it was snakes; for he had once been chased by a black one and frightened nearly out of his wits. At the word snake, therefore, young Van Riper fell back, nimbly as a wire-drawer, and called out in turn: “Where is der shnake, fader?”
“Here, up mine preeches!—Oh! my! my! my!”
“Vy don’t you kill him, fader?” exclaimed Peter, junior, keeping at a safe distance from his suffering sire.
“I can’t get at der little sinner, Peter; you come dake off my drowsis, or he’ll kill me mit his pites.”
But the fears of Peter, the younger, overcame[242] his filial affection, and lent strength to his legs, for he started off like a scared two-year-old toward the old man Jake, to call him to the assistance of his unhappy father. A few moments after, the two came bounding toward the old man, and as they passed a haycock where their garments had been laid when they began work, Jake grabbed the vest which he supposed belonged to his employer. During this time old Peter had managed to keep on his feet, although he was quaking and trembling like an aspen leaf in a June gale of wind.
“Oh! come quick, Yacob!” exclaimed he, “he pite like sixty, here, on mine leg.”
Old Jake was not particularly sensitive to fear, but few people, young or old, are free from alarm when a “pizenous” reptile is about. He seized a small pitchfork, and, telling the unhappy Van Riper to stand steady, promised to stun the reptile by a rap or two, even if he didn’t kill it outright. The frightened old man did not long hesitate between the risk of a broken leg or being bitten to death by a snake, but promptly indicated the place where Jake should strike. Whack went the pitchfork, and down tumbled Peter, exclaiming, “Oh! my! my! my; I pleeve you’ve proke mine leg! but den der shnake’s gone.”
“Vere! vere’s he gone to?” says old Sweighoffer, looking sharply about on the ground he stood upon.
“Never mind der shnake now, Yacob,” says Van Riper, “come and help me up, and I’ll go home.”
“Here, I’ve got your shacket—put it on,” says Jacob, lifting up the old man, and slipping his arms into the armholes of the vest.
The moment old Peter made the effort to get the garment on his shoulders, he grew livid in the face—his hair stood on end—he shivered and shook—his teeth chattered, and his knees knocked an accompaniment. “O Yacob!” exclaimed he, “help me to go home—I’m dead! I’m dead!”
“Vat’s dat you say? Ish dere nodder shnake in your preeches?” inquired the intrepid Jacob.
“Not dat—I don’t mean dat,” says the farmer, “but shust you look on me—I’m shwelt all up, pigger as an ox! my shacket won’t go on my pack. I’m dying mit de pizen. Oh! oh! oh! help me home quick.”
The hired man came to the same conclusion; and with might and main he hurried old Peter along toward the farm-house. Meantime young Peter had run home, and so alarmed the women folks that they were in a high state of excitement when they saw the approach of the good old man and his assistant.
Old man Peter was carried into the house, laid on a bed, and began to lament his sad misfortune in a most grievous manner, when the old lady, his frow, came forward and proposed to examine the bitten leg. The unhappy man opened his eyes and feebly pointed out the place of the bite. She carefully ripped up his pantaloons, and out fell—a thistle-top! and at the same time a considerable scratch was made visible.
“Call dis a shnake? Bah!” says the old lady, holding up the thistle.
“Oh! but I’m pizened to death, Katreen!—see, I’m all pizen!—mine shacket!—Oh! dear, mine shacket not come over mine pody!”
“Haw! haw! you crazy fellow,” roars the frow, “dat’s not your shacket—dat’s Peter’s shacket! ha! ha! ha!”
“Vat! dat Peter’s shacket?” says old Peter, shaking off death’s icy fetters at one surge, and jumping up: “Bosh! Jacob, vat an old fool you must be to say I vas shnake-pite! Go ’pout your pusiness, gals. Peter, give me mine pipe.”
“Ma’s up stairs changing her dress,” said the freckled-faced little girl, tying her doll’s bonnet strings and casting her eye about for a tidy large enough to serve as a shawl for that double-jointed young person.
“Oh, your mother needn’t dress up for me,” replied the female agent of the missionary society, taking a self-satisfied view of herself in the mirror. “Run up and tell her to come down just as she is in her everyday clothes, and not stand on ceremony.”
“Oh, but she hasn’t got on her everyday clothes. Ma was all dressed up in her new[245] brown silk dress, ’cause she expected Miss Dimmond to-day. Miss Dimmond always comes over here to show off her nice things, and ma doesn’t mean to get left. When ma saw you coming she said, ‘the dickens!’ and I guess she was mad about something. Ma said if you saw her new dress, she’d have to hear all about the poor heathen, who don’t have silk, and you’d ask her for money to buy hymn books to send ’em. Say, do the nigger ladies use hymn-book leaves to do their hair up on and make it frizzy? Ma says she guesses that’s all the good the books do ’em, if they ever get any books. I wish my doll was a heathen.”
“Why, you wicked little girl! what do you want of a heathen doll?” inquired the missionary lady, taking a mental inventory of the new things in the parlor to get material for a homily on worldly extravagance.
“So folks would send her lots of nice things to wear, and feel sorry to have her going about naked. Then she’d have her hair to frizz, and I want a doll with truly hair and eyes that roll up like Deacon Silderback’s when he says amen on Sunday. I ain’t a wicked girl, either, ’cause Uncle Dick—you know Uncle Dick, he’s been out West and swears awful and smokes in the house—he says I’m a holy terror, and he hopes I’ll be an angel pretty soon. Ma’ll be down in a minute, so you needn’t take your cloak off. She said she’d box my ears if I asked you to.
“Ma’s putting on that old dress she had last year, ’cause she didn’t want you to think she was able to give much this time, and she needed a muff worse than the queen of the cannon-ball islands needed ’ligion. Uncle Dick says you oughter get to the islands, ’cause you’d be safe there, and the natives would be sorry they was such sinners anybody would send you to ’em. He says he never seen a heathen hungry enough to eat you, ’less it was a blind one, an’ you’d set a blind pagan’s teeth on edge so he’d never hanker after any more missionary. Uncle Dick’s awful funny, and makes ma and pa die laughing sometimes.”
“Your Uncle Richard is a bad, depraved wretch, and ought to have remained out West, where his style is appreciated. He sets a horrid example for little girls like you.”
“Oh, I think he’s nice. He showed me how to slide down the banisters, and he’s teaching me to whistle when ma ain’t around. That’s a pretty cloak you’ve got, ain’t it? Do you buy all your clothes with missionary money? Ma says you do.”
Just then the freckle-faced little girl’s ma came into the parlor and kissed the missionary lady on the cheek and said she was delighted to see her, and they proceeded to have a real sociable chat. The little girl’s ma cannot understand why a person who professes to be so charitable as the missionary agent does should go right over to Miss Dimmond’s and say such ill-natured things as she did, and she thinks the missionary is a double-faced gossip. The little girl understands it better than her ma does.
This graceful tribute to the martial spirit of the little tots should be recited in a slightly bombastic style. The little one considers himself quite a hero and should be described accordingly.
When she came to work for the family on Congress street, the lady of the house sat down and told her that agents, picture-sellers, peddlers, ragmen, and all that class of people must be met at the front door and coldly repulsed, and Sarah said she’d repulse them if she had to break every broomstick in town.
And she did. She threw the door open wide, bluffed right up at ’em, and when she got through talking, the cheekiest agent was only too glad to leave. It got so after a while that peddlers marked that house, and the door-bell never rang except for company.
The other day, as the girl of the house was wiping off the spoons, the bell rang. She hastened to the door, expecting to see a lady, but her eyes encountered a slim man, dressed in black and wearing a white necktie. He was the new minister, and was going around to get acquainted with the members of his flock, but Sarah wasn’t expected to know this.
“Ah—um—is—Mrs.—ah!”
“Git!” exclaimed Sarah, pointing to the gate.
“Beg pardon, but I would like to see—see—!”
“Meander!” she shouted, looking around for a weapon; “we don’t want any flour-sifters here!”
“You’re mistaken,” he replied, smiling blandly. “I called to—”
“Don’t want anything to keep moths away—fly!” exclaimed Sarah, getting red in the face.
“Is the lady in?” he inquired, trying to look over Sarah’s head.
“Yes, the lady is in, and I’m in, and you are out!” she snapped; “and now I don’t want to stand here talking to a fly-trap agent any longer! Come lift your boots!”
“I’m not an agent,” he said, trying to smile. “I’m the new—”
“Yes, I know you—you are the new man with the patent flat-iron, but we don’t want any, and you’d better go before I call the dog!”
“Will you give the lady my card, and say that I called?”
“No, I won’t; we are bored to death with cards and handbills and circulars. Come, I can’t stand here all day.”
“Didn’t know that I was a minister?” he asked, as he backed off.
“No, nor I don’t know it now; you look like the man who sold the woman next door a ten cent chromo for two dollars.”
“But here is my card.”
“I don’t care for cards, I tell you! If you leave that gate open, I will have to fling a flower-pot at you!”
“I will call again,” he said, as he went through the gate.
“It won’t do any good!” she shouted after him; “we don’t want no prepared food for infants—no piano music—no stuffed birds! I know the policeman on this beat, and if you come around here again, he’ll soon find out whether you are a confidence man or vagrant!”
And she took unusual care to lock the door.
A man hobbled into the Colonel’s office upon crutches. Proceeding to a chair and making a cushion of some newspapers, he sat down very gingerly, placed a bandaged leg upon another chair, and said:
“Col. Coffin, my name is Briggs. I want to get your opinion about a little point of law. Now, Colonel, s’posin’ you lived up the pike here a half mile, next door to a man named Johnson. And s’posin’ you and Johnson was to get into an argument about the human intellect, and you was to say to Johnson that a splendid illustration of the superiority of the human intellect was to be found in the power of the human eye to restrain the ferocity of a wild animal. And s’posin’ Johnson was to remark that that was all bosh, because nobody could hold a wild animal with the human eye, and you should declare that you could hold the savagest beast that was ever born if you could once fix your gaze on him.
“Well, then, s’posin’ Johnson was to say he’d bet a hundred dollars he could bring a tame animal that you couldn’t hold with your eye, and you was to take him up on it, and Johnson was to ask you to come down to his place to settle the bet. You’d go, we’ll say, and Johnson’d wander round to the back of the house and pretty soon come front again with a dog bigger’n any four decent dogs ought to be. And then s’posin’ Johnson’d let go of that dog and set him on you, and he’d come at you like a sixteen-inch shell out of a howitzer, and you’d get scary about it and try to hold the dog with your eye and couldn’t.
“And s’posin’ you’d suddenly conclude that maybe your kind of an eye wasn’t calculated to hold that kind of a dog, and you’d conclude to run for a plum tree in order to have a chance to collect your thoughts and to try to reflect what sort of an eye would be best calculated to mollify that sort of a dog. You ketch my idea, of course?
“Very well, then; s’posin’ you’d take your eye off of that dog—Johnson, mind you, all the time hissing him on and laughing, and you’d turn and rush for the tree, and begin to swarm up as fast as you could. Well, sir, s’posin’ just as you got three feet from the ground Johnson’s dog would grab you by the leg and hold on like a vise, shaking you until you nearly lost your hold.
“And s’posin’ Johnson was to stand there and holloa, ‘Fix your eye on him, Briggs! Why don’t you manifest the power of the human intellect?’ and so on, howling out ironical remarks like those; and s’posin’ he kept that dog on that leg until he made you swear to pay the bet, and then at last had to pry the dog off with a hot poker, bringing away at the same time some of your flesh in the dog’s mouth, so that you had to be carried home on a stretcher, and to hire several doctors to keep you from dying with lock-jaw.
“S’posin’ this, what I want to know is, couldn’t you sue Johnson for damages and make him pay heavily for what that dog did? That’s what I want to get at.”
The Colonel thought for a moment, and then said:
“Well, Mr. Briggs, I don’t think I could. If I agreed to let Johnson set the dog at me, I should be a party to the transaction, and I could not recover.”
“Do you mean to say that the law won’t make that infernal scoundrel Johnson suffer for letting his dog eat me up?”
“I think not, if you state the case properly.”
“It won’t, hey?” exclaimed Mr. Briggs,[252] hysterically. “Oh, very well, very well! I s’pose if that dog had chewed me all up it’d ’ve been all the same to this constitutional republic. But hang me if I don’t have satisfaction. I’ll kill Johnson, poison his dog, and emigrate to some country where the rights of citizens are protected!”
Then Mr. Briggs got on his crutches and hobbled out. He is still a citizen, and will vote at the next election.
Let your face express contempt on the word “pshaw,” and make the gesture in Figure 24 of Typical Gestures. Drawl out the word “yawned” in the third verse and give a comical wink in the fourth verse. Prolong the sound on “pshaw” in the last line.
I was dozing comfortably in my easy-chair, and dreaming of the good times which I hope are coming, when there fell upon my ears a most startling scream. It was the voice of my Maria Ann in agony. The voice came from the kitchen, and to the kitchen I rushed. The idolized form of my Maria was perched on a chair, and she was flourishing an iron spoon in all directions and shouting “shoo,” in a general manner, at everything in the room. To my anxious inquiries as to what was the matter, she screamed, “O Joshua! a mouse, shoo—wha—shoo—a great—ya—shoo—horrid mouse, and—she—ew—it ran right out of the cupboard—shoo—go way—O Lord—Joshua—shoo—kill it, oh, my—shoo.”
All that fuss, you see, about one little harmless mouse. Some women are so afraid of mice. Maria is. I got the poker and set myself to poke that mouse, and my wife jumped down and ran off into another room. I found the mouse in a corner under the sink. The first time I hit it I didn’t poke it any on account of getting the poker all tangled up in a lot of dishes in the sink; and I did not hit it any more because the mouse would not stay still. It ran right toward me, and I naturally jumped, as anybody would; but I am not afraid of mice, and when the horrid thing ran up inside the leg of my pantaloons, I yelled to Maria because I was afraid it would gnaw a hole in my garment.
I did not lose my presence of mind for an instant. I caught the mouse just as it was clambering over my knee, and by pressing firmly on the outside of the cloth, I kept the animal a prisoner on the inside. I kept jumping around with all my might to confuse it, so that it would not think about biting, and I yelled so that the mice would not hear its squeaks and come to its assistance. A man can’t handle many mice at once to advantage. Besides, I’m not so spry as I was before I had that spine in my back and had to wear plasters.
Maria was white as a sheet when she came into the kitchen and asked what she should do—as though I could hold the mouse and plan a campaign at the same time. I told her to think of something, and she thought she would throw things at the intruder; but as there was no earthly chance for her to hit the mouse, while every shot took effect on me, I told her to stop, after she had tried two flat-irons and the coal-scuttle. She paused for breath; but I kept bobbing around. Somehow I felt no inclination to sit down anywhere. “O Joshua,” she cried, “I wish you had not killed the cat.”
Then she got the tea-kettle and wanted to scald the mouse. I objected to that process, except as a last resort. Then she got some cheese to coax the mouse down, but I did not dare to let go, for fear it would run up. Matters were getting desperate. I told her to think of something else, and I kept jumping. Just as I was ready to faint with exhaustion, I tripped over an iron, lost my hold, and the mouse fell to the floor, very[254] dead. I had no idea a mouse could be squeezed to death so easy.
That was not the end of the trouble, for before I had recovered my breath a fireman broke in one of the front windows, and a whole company followed him through, and they dragged hose around, and mussed things all over the house, and then the foreman wanted to thrash me because the house was not on fire, and I had hardly got him pacified before a policeman came in and arrested me. Some one had run down and told him I was drunk and was killing Maria. It was all Maria and I could do, by combining our eloquence, to prevent him from marching me off in disgrace, but we finally got matters quieted and the house clear.
Now when mice run out of the cupboard I go outdoors, and let Maria “shoo” them back again. I can kill a mouse, but the fun don’t pay for the trouble.
Joshua Jenkins.
This is a very amusing recitation when correctly rendered. The gossips make the most disparaging remarks about their neighbors, but are very pleasant to their faces. The words in parentheses should be spoken ‘aside’ in an undertone. A recital for one who can imitate different female voices.
An old gentleman, whose style was Germanized, was asked what he thought of signs and omens.
“Vell, I don’t dinks mooch of dem dings, und I don’t pelieve averydings; but I dells you somedimes dere is somedings ash dose dings. Now de oder night I sit and reads mine newspaper, und my frau she speak und say—
“‘Fritz, de dog ish howling!’
“Vell, I don’ dinks mooch of dem dings, und I goes on und reads mine paper, und mine frau she says—
“‘Fritz, dere is somedings pad is happen,—der dog ish howling!’
“Und den I gets hop mit mineself und look out troo de wines on de porch, und de moon was shinin’, und mine leetle dog he shoomp right up und down like averydings, und he park at de moon, dat was shine so bright as never vas. Und ash I hauled mine het in de winder, de old voman she say—
“‘Mind, Fritz, I dells you dere ish someding pad ish happen. De dog ish howling.’
“Vell, I goes to ped, und I shleeps, und all night long ven I vakes up dere vas dat dog howling outside, und ven I dream I hear dat howling vorsher ash never. Und in de morning I kits up und kits mine breakfast, und mine frau she looks at me und say, werry solemn—
“‘Fritz, dere is somedings pad ish happen. De dog vas howl all night.’
“Und shoost den de newspaper came in, und I opens him und by shings, vot you dinks; dere vas a man’s vife cracked his skull in Philadelphia!”
Sing to the tune of Yankee Doodle the words designated.
Recently our church had a new minister. He is a nice, good, sociable gentleman; but coming from a distant State, of course he was totally unacquainted with our people. Therefore it happened that during his pastoral calls, he made several ludicrous blunders. One as follows: The other evening he called upon Mrs. Haddon. She had just lost her husband, and she naturally supposed that his visit was relative to the sad occurrence. So, after a few common-places had been exchanged, she was not surprised to hear him remark:
“It was a sad bereavement, was it not, Mrs. Haddon?”
“Yes,” faltered the widow.
“Totally unexpected?”
“Oh, yes; I never dreamed of it.”
“He died in the barn, I suppose.”
“Oh, no; in the house.”
“Ah, well, I suppose you must have thought a great deal of him?”
“Of course, sir.”
This was with vim. The minister looked rather surprised, crossed his legs and renewed the conversation.
“Blind staggers was the disease, I believe.”
“No, sir,” snapped the widow. “Apoplexy.”
“Indeed; you must have fed him too much.”
“He was quite capable of feeding himself, sir.”
“Very intelligent he must have been. Died hard?”
“He did.”
“You had to hit him on the head with an axe to put him out of his misery, I am told.”
Mrs. Haddon’s eyes snapped fire.
“Whoever told you that did not speak the truth,” she haughtily uttered. “James died naturally.”
“Yes,” continued the minister, in a perplexed tone. “He kicked the side of the barn down in his last agonies, didn’t he?”
“No, sir; he did not.”
“Well, I have been misinformed, I suppose. How old was he?”
“Thirty-five.”
“He did not do much active work. Perhaps you are better without him, for you can easily supply his place with a better one.”
“Never! sir, will I find such a good one as he.”
“Oh, yes you will; he had the heaves bad, you know.”
“Nothing of the kind, sir.”
“Why, I recollect I saw him one day, with you on his back, and I distinctly recollect that he had the heaves, and walked as if he had the spring-halt.”
Mrs. H.’s eyes snapped fire, and she stared at the reverend visitor as if she imagined he was crazy.
“He could not have had the spring-halt, for he had a cork-leg,” she replied.
“A cork-leg—remarkable; but really, didn’t he have a dangerous trick of suddenly stopping and kicking the wagon all to pieces?”
“Never, sir; he was not mad.”
“Probably not. But there were some good points about him.”
“I should think so.”
“The way in which he carried his ears, for example.”
“Nobody ever noticed that particular merit,” said the widow, with much asperity, “he was warm-hearted, generous and frank.”
“Good qualities,” answered the minister. “How long did it take him to go a mile?”
“About fifteen minutes.”
“Not much of a goer. Wasn’t his hair apt to fly?”
“He didn’t have any hair, he was bald-headed.”
“Quite a curiosity.”
“No, sir; no more of a curiosity than you are.”
The minister shifted uneasily, and got red in the face; but he returned to the attack.
“Did you use the whip much on him?”
“Never, sir.”
“Went right along without it, eh?”
“Yes.”
“He must have been a good sort of a brute!”
The widow sat down and cried.
“The idea of your coming here and insulting me,” she sobbed. “If my husband had lived you would not have done it. Your remarks in reference to the poor dead man have been a series of insults, and I won’t stand it.”
He colored, and looked dumfounded.
“Ain’t you Mrs. Blinkers?” at last he stammered, “and has not your gray horse just died?”
“No! no!” she cried. “I never owned a horse, but my husband died a week ago.”
Ten minutes later that minister came out[258] of that house with the reddest face ever seen on mortal man.
“And to think,” he groaned, as he strode home, “that I was talking horse to that woman all the time—and she was talking husband.”
Imitate the “bow-wow” of the dog and the “me-ow” of the cat: at least, so deliver the words as to convey the idea of the barking and the mewing.
European guides know about enough English to tangle every thing up so that a man can make neither head nor tail of it. They know their story by heart—the history of every statue, painting, cathedral, or other wonder they show you. They know it and tell it as a parrot would; and if you interrupt, and throw them off the track, they have to go back and begin over again. All their lives long, they are employed in showing strange things to foreigners and listening to their bursts of admiration.
After we discovered this, we never went into ecstasies any more, we never admired anything, we never showed any but impassible faces and stupid indifference in the presence of the sublimest wonders a guide had to display. We had found their weak point. We made some of those people savage, at times, but we never lost our serenity.
The doctor asked the questions generally, because he can keep his countenance, and look more like an inspired idiot, and throw more imbecility into the tone of his voice[259] than any man that lives. It comes natural to him.
The guides in Genoa are delighted to secure an American party, because Americans so much wonder, and deal so much in sentiment and emotion before any relic of Columbus. Our guide there fidgeted about as if he had swallowed a spring mattress. He was full of animation—full of impatience. He said:
“Come wis me, genteelmen!—come! I show you ze letter writing by Christopher Colombo!—write it himself!—write it wis his own hand!—come!”
He took us to the municipal palace. After much impressive fumbling of keys and opening of locks, the stained and aged document was spread before us. The guide’s eyes sparkled. He danced about us and tapped the parchment with his finger.
“What I tell you, genteelmen! Is it not so? See! handwriting Christopher Colombo!—write it himself!”
We looked indifferent, unconcerned. The doctor examined the document very deliberately, during a painful pause. Then he said, without any show of interest,
“Ah—what—what did you say was the name of the party who wrote this?”
“Christopher Colombo! ze great Christopher Colombo!”
Another deliberate examination.
“Ah—did he write it himself, or—or how?”
“He write it himself!—Christopher Colombo! he’s own handwriting, write by himself!”
Then the doctor laid the document down, and said,
“Why, I have seen boys in America only fourteen years old that could write better than that.”
“But zis is ze great Christo—”
“I don’t care who it is! It’s the worst writing I ever saw. Now you mustn’t think you can impose on us because we are strangers. We are not fools, by a good deal. If you have got any specimens of penmanship of real merit, trot them out!—and if you haven’t, drive on!”
We drove on. The guide was considerably shaken up, but he made one more venture. He had something which he thought would overcome us. He said,
“Ah, genteelmen, you come wis me! I show you beautiful, oh, magnificent bust Christopher Colombo—splendid, grand, magnificent!”
He brought us before the beautiful bust—for it was beautiful—and sprang back and struck an attitude:
“Ah, look, genteelmen!—beautiful, grand—bust Christopher Colombo!—beautiful bust, beautiful pedestal!”
The doctor put up his eye-glass—procured for such occasions:
“Ah—what did you say this gentleman’s name was?”
“Christopher Colombo! ze great Christopher Colombo!”
“Christopher Colombo—the great Christopher Colombo. Well, what did he do?”
“Discover America!—discover America, oh, ze devil!”
“Discover America? No—that statement will hardly wash. We are just from America ourselves. We heard nothing about it. Christopher Colombo—pleasant name—is—is he dead?”
“Oh, corpo di Baccho!—three hundred year!”
“What did he die of?”
“I do not know. I cannot tell.”
“Small-pox, think?”
“I do not know, genteelmen—I do not know what he died of.”
“Measles, likely?”
“Maybe—maybe. I do not know—I think he die of something.”
“Parents living?”
“Im-possible!”
“Ah—which is the bust and which is the pedestal?”
“Santa Maria!—zis ze bust!—zis ze pedestal!”
“Ah, I see, I see—happy combination—very happy combination indeed. Is—is this the first time this gentleman was ever on a bust?”
That joke was lost on the foreigner; guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke.
We have made it interesting for this Roman guide. Yesterday we spent three or four hours in the Vatican again, that wonderful world of curiosities. We came very near expressing interest sometimes, even admiration. It was hard to keep from it. We succeeded, though. Nobody else ever did, in the Vatican museums. The guide was bewildered, nonplussed. He walked his legs off, nearly, hunting up extraordinary things, and exhausted all his ingenuity on us, but it was a failure; we never showed any interest in anything. He had reserved what he considered to be his greatest wonder till the last—a royal Egyptian mummy, the best preserved in the world, perhaps. He took us there. He felt so sure, this time, that some of his old enthusiasm came back to him:
“See, genteelmen!—Mummy! Mummy!”
The eye-glass came up as calmly, as deliberately as ever.
“Ah—what did I understand you to say the gentleman’s name was?”
“Name?—he got no name!—Mummy!—’Gyptian mummy!”
“Yes, yes. Born here?”
“No. ’Gyptian mummy.”
“Ah, just so. Frenchman, I presume?”
“No!—not Frenchman, not Roman!—born in Egypta!”
“Born in Egypta. Never heard of Egypta before. Foreign locality, likely. Mummy—mummy. How calm he is, how self-possessed! Is—ah—is he dead?”
“Oh, sacre bleu! been dead three thousan’ year!”
The doctor turned on him, savagely:
“Here, now, what do you mean by such conduct as this? Playing us for Chinamen because we are strangers and trying to learn! Trying to impose your vile second-hand carcasses on us! Thunder and lightning! I’ve a notion to—to—if you’ve got a nice fresh corpse, fetch him out!—or, by George, we’ll brain you!”
Mark Twain.
“George Washin’ton!”
From down the hill the answer floated up, muffled by the distance.
“Ma’m?”
“Come heah, sah!”
Aunt Polly folded her arms and leaned against the doorway and waited for the appearance of her son and heir above the edge of the hill on which her cabin stood.
“George Washin’ton,” she said, “you sartainly[262] is de laziest nigger I eber see. How, long, sah, does you s’pose you was a-comin’ up dat hill? You don’ no? I don’ nether; ’twas so long I los’ all count. You’ll bring yore mudder’s gray har in sorrer to de grabe yet, wid yore pokin’ and slowness, see if you don’. Heah I is waitin’ and a’waitin’ on you for to go down to ole Mass’ Cunningham’s wid dose tings. Take ’em to de young city man boardin’ dar, and tell him dese is his clean close dat yore old mudder washed, and dat dey comes to fifty cents. And if you let de grass grow under yore feet, George Washin’ton, or spiles dese close, or loses dat fifty cents, I’ll break yore bones, chile, when you comes home. You heah dat?”
George Washington rested his basket on his hip and jogged along. Meditations as to what his mother might have for supper on the strength of the fifty cents brightened his visage and accelerated his steps. His fancy revelled in visions of white biscuit and crisp bacon floating in its own grease. He was gravely weighing the relative merits of spring chicken fried and more elderly chicken stewed, when—
There was only one muddy place on George Washington’s route to town; that was down at the foot of the hill, by the railroad track. Why should his feet slip from under him, and he go sliding into the mud right there? It was too bad. It did not hurt him, but those shirts and shining collars, alas! Some of them tumbled out, and he lifted them up all spattered and soiled.
He sat down and contemplated the situation with an expression of speechless solemnity. He was afraid to go back, and he was afraid to go on, but he would rather face the “city man” than his mother; and with a sigh that nearly burst the twine string that did duty as a suspender, he lifted the linen into its place and trudged on.
The young folks at “Mass’ Cunningham’s” sent him to the boarder’s room, with many a jest on his slowness, and he shook in his ragged clothes when the young man lifted the things from the basket to put them away.
He exclaimed in anger at their soiled appearance, and, of course, immediately bundled them back into the basket.
“Here, George,” he said, “take these back to your mother to wash, and don’t you dare, you little vagabond! ever bring such looking things to me again.”
Slowly the namesake of our illustrious countryman climbed the hill toward home; slowly he entered and set down his basket. The rapidity with which he emerged from the door, about three minutes later, might have led a stranger to believe that it was a different boy. But it was not. It was the same George.
The next afternoon came around, and George Washington again departed on his errand. No thoughts of supper or good things ran rife in his brain to-day. He attended strictly to business. His mother, standing in the door-way, called after him: “Be keerful, George Washin’ton, ’bout de train. I heer’d it at de upper junction jess now. It’ll be long trectly.”
George Washington nodded and disappeared. He crossed the muddy place in safety, and breathed more freely. He was turning toward town, when something on the railroad track caught his eye. There lay the big rock that had been on the hill above ever since he could remember; it was right in the track. He wondered how the coming train would get over it.
Across on the other side, the hill sloped down to a deep ravine. What if the big rock pushed the train off! His heart gave a great jump. He had heard them talk of an accident once, where many people were killed. He thought of running to tell somebody,[263] but it was a good way to the next house, and just then he heard the train faintly; it was too late for that. Just above, in the direction that the train was coming, was a sharp curve. It could not stop if it came tearing round that, and on the other side of the bend was a very high trestle that made him sick to look at.
The slow, dull boy stood and trembled.
In a moment more he had set his basket carefully in the bush, and ran around the curve. At the edge of the trestle he paused, and then dropping on his hands and knees, crept as fast as he could over the dizzy height to the other side. He staggered to his feet, and ran on.
When the train dashed in sight, the engineer spied a small object on the track, pointing frantically behind him. The child ran away from the track, but continued to wave and point and shout “Stop!”
The train whistled and slackened. George Washington, hatless and breathless, was jerked into the engine, where he gasped, “Big rock on de track round de curve.” The train was moved slowly over the trestle and stopped in the curve, and there, indeed, was the rock that might have hurled them all down to death, but for that ridiculous-looking little boy.
Meanwhile in the cabin, Aunt Polly was restless, and concluded to go down to the foot of the hill, and wait for George Washington. Behold, then, as she appeared down the path, the sight that met her gaze.
“What’s dis boy bin a-doin’! I’se his mother. I is. What’s dis mean?”
On this identical train was the president of the road.
“Why, auntie,” he said, “you have a boy to be proud of. He crept over the high trestle and warned the train, and maybe saved all our lives. He is a hero.”
Aunt Polly was dazed.
“A hearo,” she said; “dat’s a big t’ing for a little black nigger. George Washin’ton, whar’s dat basket?”
“In de bushes, mammy; I’se gwine for to get it.”
The train was nearly ready to be off. The president called Aunt Polly aside, and she came back with a beaming face, and five ten-dollar bills clutched in her hands.
Aunt Polly caught George in her arms.
“Dey sed you was a hearo, George Washin’ton, but you is yore mammy’s own boy, and you shall hab chicken for yore supper dis berry night, and a whole poun’ cake to-morrow, yes, you shall!”
And when George Washington returned the gentleman his washing, he, like his namesake, was a hero.
The Rev. Mr. Mulkittle having successfully organized a church fair, was a very happy man. It had been hinted that the congregation were a “little short” on raising the reverend gentleman’s salary, hence the proceeds of the fair would more than supply the deficiency.
The good man, after retiring from a profitable afternoon’s work, during which he had assured dyspeptics that potato salad would not hurt them, seated himself by the library fire, when the “youngest” entered.
“Where have you been, pa?”
“To the fair.”
“What fair?”
“Our church fair.”
“Did they have it out to the fair grounds?”
“No.”
“Where then?”
“Down town in our church.”
“Did they have horses and cows?”
“Oh, no! they didn’t show anything.”
“Well, what did they do?”
“Oh, they sold toys and something for people to eat.”
“Did they sell it to the poor?”
“They sold it to anybody who had money.”
“Oh, papa! it was the feast of the passover, wasn’t it?”
Mr. Mulkittle took up a newspaper and began to read.
“Do you want me to be a preacher, pa?”
“Yes, if the Lord calls you.”
“Did the Lord call you?”
“Yes.”
“What did He say?”
“Told me to go and preach the gospel to every living creature.”
“Didn’t tell you to preach to niggers, did He?”
“That’ll do now.”
“You thought the Lord had called you again the other day, did you?”
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” said the minister.
“Don’t you know the other day you told ma you had a call to go to some place, and you would go if you could get two hundred dollars more. Wouldn’t the Lord give you the two hundred dollars?”
“Didn’t I tell you to hush, sir?” said the minister, throwing down his paper and glaring at his son.
“No, sir; you told me to behave myself.”
“Well, see that you do.”
“I wish you’d tell me—”
“Tell you what?”
“’Bout the call.”
“Well, a church in another town wanted me to come there and preach.”
“Why didn’t you go?”
“Couldn’t afford it. They didn’t pay enough money.”
“Call wasn’t loud enough, was it?”
“Well, hardly,” asserted Mr. Mulkittle, with a smile. “It wasn’t loud enough to be very interesting.”
“If it had been louder, would you went?”
“I should have gone if they had offered me more money.”
“It wasn’t the Lord that called you that time then, was it?”
“I think not.”
“How much money did the Lord offer you?”
“Do you see that door?”
“No sir; which door?”
“That one.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Well, go out and shut it.”
“I want to stay in here.”
“You cannot.”
“Why?”
“Because you are too foolishly inquisitive.”
“What’s foolish ’quisitive?”
“Asking so many questions.”
“How many must I ask?”
“None.”
“Then I couldn’t talk, could I?”
“It would be better for you, if you couldn’t talk so much.”
“How much must I talk?”
“Here, I’ll give you ten cents now, if you’ll go away and hush.”
“Call ain’t strong enough,” said the boy, shaking his head.
“Well, here’s a quarter,” said the preacher, smiling.
“Call is strong enough; I’ll go.”
In a quiet little Ohio village, many years ago, was a tavern where the stages always changed, and the passengers expected to get breakfast. The landlord of the said hotel was noted for his tricks upon travelers, who were allowed to get fairly seated at the table, when the driver would blow his horn (after taking his “horn”), and sing out, “Stage ready, gentlemen!”—whereupon the passengers were obliged to hurry out to take their seats, leaving a scarcely tasted breakfast behind them, for which, however, they had to pay over fifty cents! One day, when the stage was approaching the house of this obliging landlord, a passenger said that he had often heard of the landlord’s trick, and he was afraid they would not be able to eat any breakfast.
“What!—how? No breakfast!” exclaimed the rest.
“Exactly so gents, and you may as well keep your seats and tin.”
“Don’t they expect passengers to breakfast?”
“Oh! yes! they expect you to it, but not to eat it. I am under the impression that there is an understanding between the landlord and the driver that for sundry and various drinks, etc., the latter starts before you can scarcely commence eating.”
“What on airth are you all talking about? Ef you calkelate I’m going to pay four and ninepence for my breakfast, and not get the valee on’t you’re mistaken,” said a voice from a back seat, the owner of which was one Hezekiah Spaulding—though “tew hum”[267] they call him “Hez” for short. “I’m goin’ to get my breakfast here, and not pay nary red cent till I do.”
“Then you’ll be left.”
“Not as you knows on, I guess I won’t.”
“Well, we’ll see,” said the other, as the stage drove up to the door and the landlord ready “to do the hospitable,” says—
“Breakfast just ready, gents! Take a wash, gents? Here’s water, basins, towels, and soap.”
After performing the ablutions, they all proceeded to the dining-room, and commenced a fierce onslaught upon the edibles, though Hez took his time. Scarcely had they tasted their coffee when they heard the unwelcome sound of the horn, and the driver exclaim, “Stage ready!” Up rise eight grumbling passengers, pay their fifty cents, and take their seats.
“All on board, gents?” inquires the host.
“One missing,” said they.
Proceeding to the dining-room the host finds Hez very coolly helping himself to an immense piece of steak, the size of a horse’s hip.
“You’ll be left, sir! Stage going to start.”
“Wall, I hain’t got nothin’ agin it,” drawls out Hez.
“Can’t wait, sir—better take your seat.”
“I’ll be blowed ef I do, nother, till I’ve got my breakfast! I paid for it, and I am goin’ to get the valee on’t it; and ef you calkelate I hain’t you are mistaken.”
So the stage did start, and left Hez, who continued his attack upon the edibles. Biscuit, coffee, etc., disappeared before the eyes of the astonished landlord.
“Say, squire, them there cakes is ’bout eat—fetch on another grist on ’em. You” (to the waiter), “’nother cup of that ere coffee. Pass them eggs. Raise your own pork, squire? This is ’mazin’ nice ham. Land ’bout here tolerable cheap, squire? Hain’t much maple timber in these parts, hev ye? Dew right smart trade, squire, I calkelate?” And thus Hez kept quizzing the landlord until he had made a hearty meal.
“Say, squire, now I’m ’bout to conclude paying my devowers to this ere table, but just give us a bowl of bread and milk to top off with; I’d be much obleeged tew ye.”
So out go the landlord and waiter for the bowl, milk, and bread, and set them before him.
“Spoon, tew, ef you please.”
But no spoon could be found. Landlord was sure he had plenty of silver ones lying on the table when the stage stopped.
“Say, dew ye? dew ye think them passengers is goin’ to pay ye for a breakfuss and not git no compensashun?”
“Ah! what? Do you think any of the passengers took them?”
“Dew I think? No, I don’t think, but I’m sartin. Ef they are all as green as yew bout here I’m going to locate immediately and tew wonst.”
The landlord rushes out to the stable, and starts a man off after the stage, which had gone about three miles. The man overtakes and says something to the driver in a low tone. He immediately turns back, and on arriving at the hotel Hez comes out, takes his seat, and says:
“How are yew, gents? I’m glad to see yew.”
“Can you point out the man you think has the spoons?” asked the landlord.
“P’int him out? Sartenly I ken. Say, squire, I paid yew four and ninepence for a breakfuss, and I calkelate I got the valee on’t it! You’ll find them spoons in the coffee-pot.”
“Go ahead! All aboard, driver.”
The landlord stared.
They have had a long evening together (three whole hours), but it doesn’t seem more than five minutes to them. Still, the inexorable clock is announcing the hour of eleven in the most forcible and uncompromising manner. He knows that he ought to go, because he must be at the store at seven in the morning; she fully realizes that his immediate departure is necessary, for has not her father threatened that he will come down and “give that young Simpkins a piece of his mind if he don’t leave by eleven o’clock in the future?” They both understand that the fatal hour has come, yet how they hate to part!
“Well, I suppose I must be going,” he says, with a long, regretful sigh.
“Yes, I suppose you must,” she rejoins.
Then they gaze into each other’s eyes; then she pillows her head upon his bosom; then their lips meet, and he mentally swears that if he can get his salary raised to eighteen dollars a week he will make her Mrs. G. W. Simpkins without further agonizing delay.
The clock looks on with a cynical expression on its face. It is doing its duty, and if old man Smith comes down stairs and destroys the peace of mind of this loving couple, it will not be its fault.
He asks her if she will not be happy when the time comes that they will never, never have to part, and she murmurs an affirmative response. Then follow more kissing and embracing. If G. W. Simpkins were told now that he would ever come home to her at 2 A.M. with fabulous tales of accidents by flood and field, and on the Elevated Railroad, would he believe it? No; a smile of incredulity and scorn would wreathe his lips, and he would forthwith clasp her to his breast.
He knows that other men do such things, but he is not that sort of man. Beside, he will have the immense advantage over all others of his sex in possessing the only absolutely perfect specimen of femininity extant. He thinks that he will never be happy anywhere away from her side, and he tells her so, and she believes him.
The clock does not announce the quarter-hour, because it is not built that way, but, nevertheless, it is now 11.15. They do not imagine that it is later than 11.02. He asks her if she ever loved any one else, and she says “No;” and then he reminds her of a certain Tom Johnson with whom she used to go to the theatre, at which she becomes angry and says that he (G. W. Simpkins) is a “real mean thing.” Then G. W. S. arises with an air of dignity, and says that he is much obliged to her for her flattering opinion; and she says that he is quite welcome.
Just then a heavy foot-fall is heard upstairs. She glances at the clock, and perceives to her dismay that it is 11.20. She had expected to have a nice little quarrel, followed by the usual reconciliation, but there is no time for that now. She throws her arms[270] around his neck, and whispers in great agitation that she believes pa is coming. G. W. S. quakes inwardly, for her pa is about four sizes larger than himself, and of a cruel, vindictive nature. But he assumes an air of bravado, and darkly hints at the extreme probability that the room in which they stand will be the scene of a sanguinary conflict in the immediate future, should any one venture to cross his path. Then she begs him to remember that papa, notwithstanding his faults, is still her father. At this he magnanimously promises to spare the old man.
But the footstep is heard no more; papa does not appear. G. W. S. puts on his overcoat. Then the couple stand by the door and settle the Tom Johnson matter. She says she never cared for Tom Johnson, and he says he knows it and that he (G. W. S., you understand) is a brute, and that she is an angel, and that he will never again refer to the aforesaid Tom Johnson. He will, though, the very next time they meet, just as he has every time they have met for the last two months.
While they are talking the clock strikes the half hour, but they don’t hear it. The Johnson business disposed of, they discuss their future prospects, vow eternal fidelity, compare themselves to all the famous lovers of history (to none of whom they bear the slightest resemblance), make an appointment for Wednesday evening (on which occasion G. W. S. will have the extreme felicity of spending two-thirds of his week’s salary for theatre tickets and a supper at the Brunswick), and indulge in the usual osculation.
Suddenly the clock begins to strike twelve, and at the same moment a hoarse masculine cough is heard in the room overhead. The fatal moment has really and truly arrived this time. One more kiss, one more embrace, and they part—he to go home and oversleep in the morning, and be docked fifty cents at the store; she to receive the reproaches of an irate parent, who hasn’t been young for such a long time himself that he has forgotten all about it.
It is a common saying that the public speaker who can draw both smiles and tears from his audience is the highest type of orator. The same is true of the reciter. If you would awaken pathetic emotions in the hearts of your hearers, you must have recitations suited to this purpose, tender in sentiment and full of feeling. A charming collection of such pieces is here furnished.
Put yourself fully into the spirit of each selection. Do not deliver a pathetic recitation in a cold, unfeeling manner. Look well to the tones of your voice and facial expression. If you feel the words you are uttering, the subtle influence cannot fail to move those who hear you. You cannot put on an appearance of feeling; give reality to all the emotions your words express.
Observe the Irish brogue in this selection.
The deep pathos of these lines should be expressed by a trembling utterance. Put tears in your voice, if you can do this difficult thing. All the life and spirit are taken out of the old man as he thinks of the regiment returning without his son, whose desolate grave is somewhere on the Cuban shore.
It was a strange coincidence, and a fitting end for a noble old seaman who had given his life to the service of his country, that Rear-Admiral W. A. Kirkland, U. S. N., and once commandant at Mare Island, should die the day peace was declared between our country and Spain. In strong tones give the command, “Cease firing!” Point to “the red flames,” “the gray smoke-shrouded hills,” “the weary troops,” “the armored squadron,” etc. On the first two lines of the last verse use Figure 11 of Typical Gestures.
The coffin was a plain one—no flowers on its top, no lining of rose-white satin for the pale brow, no smooth ribbons about the coarse shroud. The brown hair was laid decently back, but there was no crimped cap, with its neat tie beneath the chin. “I want to see my mother,” sobbed a poor child, as the city undertaker screwed down the top. “You can’t: get out of the way, boy! Why don’t somebody take the brat away?” “Only let me see her for one minute,” cried the hapless orphan, clutching the side of the charity box. And as he gazed into that rough face tears streamed down the cheek on which no childish bloom every lingered. Oh, it was pitiful to hear him cry, “Only once! let me see my mother only once!”
Brutally, the hard-hearted monster struck the boy away, so that he reeled with the blow. For a moment the boy stood panting with grief and rage, his blue eyes expanded, his lips sprang apart; a fire glittered through his tears as he raised his puny arm, and with a most unchildish accent screamed, “When I am a man I’ll kill you for that!” A coffin and a heap of earth was between the mother and the poor forsaken child; a monument stronger than granite built in his boy-heart to the memory of a heartless deed.
The court house was crowded to suffocation. “Does any one appear as this man’s counsel?” asked the judge. There was silence when he finished, until, with lips tightly pressed together, a look of strange recognition blended with haughty reserve upon his handsome features, a young man, a stranger, stepped forward to plead for the erring and the friendless. The splendor of his genius entranced, convinced. The man who could not find a friend was acquitted.
“May God bless you, sir! I cannot.” “I want no thanks,” replied the stranger, with icy coldness. “I—I believe you are unknown to me.” “Man, I will refresh your memory. Twenty years ago you struck a broken-hearted boy away from his poor mother’s coffin; I was that poor, miserable boy.”[275] “Have you rescued me, then, to take my life?” “No! I have a sweeter revenge: I have saved the life of a man whose brutal deed has rankled in my breast for twenty years. Go, and remember the tears of a friendless child.”
The effect produced by this selection will depend very much upon the manner in which you speak the constantly repeated word, “Dead!” It should be spoken with subdued force, rather slowly, and in a low tone. Show intense emotion, but not in a boisterous manner.
Any one at all familiar with farm life knows that when the old dog becomes blind, toothless and helpless it is the sad but humane duty of the farmer to put an end to his sufferings; it is generally done by taking him off to the woods and shooting him. Although the new dog quickly wins his place in our affections, the old is not soon forgotten, and more than one story begins: “You remember how old Fide.” Give strong expression in the last verse to the old man’s sudden change of purpose.
“There, Simmons, you blockhead! Why didn’t you trot that old woman aboard her train? She’ll have to wait now until the 1.05 A.M.”
“You didn’t tell me.”
“Yes, I did tell you. ’Twas only your confounded stupid carelessness.”
“She——”
“She! You fool! What else could you expect of her! Probably she hasn’t any wit; besides, she isn’t bound on a very jolly journey—got a pass up the road to the poor-house. I’ll go and tell her, and if you forget her to-night, see if I don’t make mince-meat of you!” and our worthy ticket-agent shook his fist menacingly at his subordinate.
“You’ve missed your train, marm,” he remarked, coming forward to a queer-looking bundle in the corner.
A trembling hand raised the faded black veil, and revealed the sweetest old face I ever saw.
“Never mind,” said a quivering voice.
“’Tis only three o’clock now; you’ll have to wait until the night train, which doesn’t go up until 1.05.”
“Very well, sir; I can wait.”
“Wouldn’t you like to go to some hotel? Simmons will show you the way.”
“No, thank you, sir. One place is as good as another to me. Besides, I haven’t any money.”
“Very well,” said the agent, turning away indifferently. “Simmons will tell you when it’s time.”
All the afternoon she sat there so quiet that I thought sometimes she must be asleep, but when I looked more closely I could see every once in a while a great tear rolling down her cheek, which she would wipe away hastily with her cotton handkerchief.
The depot was crowded and all was bustle and hurry until the 9.50 train going east came due; then every passenger left except the old lady. It is very rare indeed that any one takes the night express, and almost always, after I have struck ten, the depot becomes silent and empty.
The ticket agent put on his great coat, and bidding Simmons keep his wits about him for once in his life, departed for home.
But he had no sooner gone than that functionary stretched himself out upon the table, as usual, and began to snore vociferously. Then it was I witnessed such a sight as I never had before and never expect to again.
The fire had gone down—it was a cold night, and the wind howled dismally outside. The lamps grew dim and flared, casting weird shadows upon the wall. By and by I heard a smothered sob from the corner, then another. I looked in that direction. She had risen from her seat, and oh! the look of agony on the poor, pinched face.
“I can’t believe it,” she sobbed, wringing her thin, white hands. “Oh! I can’t believe it! My babies! my babies! how often have I held them in my arms and kissed them; and how often they used to say back to me, ‘Ise love you, mamma;’ and now, O God! they’ve turned against me. Where am I going? To the poor-house! No! no! no! I cannot! I will not! Oh, the disgrace!”
And sinking upon her knees, she sobbed out in prayer: “O God! spare me this and take me home! O God, spare me this disgrace; spare me!”
The wind rose higher, and swept through the crevices icy cold. How it moaned and seemed to sob like something human that is hurt. I began to shake, but the kneeling figure never stirred. The thin shawl had dropped from her shoulders unheeded. Simmons turned over and drew his heavy blanket more closely around him.
Oh, how cold! Only one lamp remained, burning dimly; the other two had gone out for want of oil. I could hardly see, it was so dark.
At last she became quieter, and ceased to moan. Then I grew drowsy, and kind of lost the run of things after I had struck twelve, when some one entered the depot with a bright light. I started up. It was the brightest light I ever saw, and seemed to fill the room full of glory. I could see ’twas a man. He walked to the kneeling figure and touched her upon the shoulder. She started up and turned her face wildly around. I heard him say:
“’Tis train time, ma’am. Come!”
A look of joy came over her face.
“I’m ready,” she whispered.
“Then give me your pass, ma’am.”
She reached him a worn old book, which he took and from it read aloud:
“Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
“That’s the pass over our road, ma’am. Are you ready?”
The light died away and darkness fell in its place. My hand touched the stroke of one. Simmons awoke with a start, and snatched his lantern. The whistles sounded down brakes; the train was due. He ran to the corner and shook the old woman.
“Wake up, marm; ’tis train time.”
But she never heeded. He gave one look at the white, set face, and dropping his lantern, fled.
The up-train halted, the conductor shouted “All aboard,” but no one made a move that way.
The next morning, when the ticket agent came, he found her frozen to death. They whispered among themselves, and the coroner made out the verdict “apoplexy,” and it was in some way hushed up.
They laid her out in the depot, and advertised for her friends, but no one came. So, after the second day they buried her.
The last look on the sweet old face, lit up with a smile so unearthly, I keep with me yet; and when I think of the occurrence of that night, I know that she went out on the other train, that never stopped at the poor-house.
It were well worth while to insert this wonderfully beautiful and pathetic selection here to preserve it in enduring type, but it has the additional merit of being a most excellent piece for recitation. The author’s assumed name was “James Pipes, of Pipesville.” His real name you may see below the lines.
Gen. Joseph Hooker, in command of the Army of the Potomac lying opposite Fredericksburg, Md., crossed the Rappahannock River early in May, 1863, and fought the severe battle of Chancellorsville, in which was killed the famous Southern general, Thomas J. Jackson, commonly known as Stonewall Jackson. He received this name at the first battle of Bull Run. Defeat seemed imminent, and one of the Confederate generals exclaimed: “Here stands Jackson like a stone wall, and here let us conquer or die!” Gen. Jackson’s last words were: “Let us cross over the river, and lie down under the trees.”
She was a bright and beautiful child, one who seemed born for a better career, yet one on whom the blight of intemperance had left its impress early.
Her father was a drunkard, a worthless, miserable sot, whose only aim and ambition in life seemed to be to contrive ways and means of satisfying the devouring fire that constantly burned within him.
Her mother had died when she was a mere child, leaving her to grow up a wild flower in the forest, uncultured and uncared for.
Yet she was very beautiful; her form and face were of wondrous perfection and loveliness; her disposition was happy and cheerful, notwithstanding the abuse to which she was continually subjected.
The years went by; she grew to be almost a woman. She could not go to school or church, because she had nothing respectable to wear; and had she gone her wicked father would have reviled her for her disposition to make something better of herself and for her simple piety. He sank lower and lower in the miserable slough of intemperance, and yet, when urged by well-meaning friends, to leave him she clung to him with an affection as unaccountable as it was earnest and sincere.
“If I should leave him he would die,” she said. “If I stay and suffer with him here, some time I may save him and make him a worthy man.”
Many would have given her a home, food and comfortable clothes, but she preferred to share her father’s misery rather than selfishly forsake him in his unhappy infirmity.
The summer passed, the berries ripened[287] and disappeared from the bushes. The leaves turned to crimson and yellow, and fell from the trees. The cold November winds howled through the desolate hollows, while, scantily clad, she crouched in a corner of her inhospitable, unhappy home.
She was very ill; bad treatment, poor food, and exposure had brought on a fatal sickness. Her brow burned with fever. Even her wretched father, selfish and inebriated as he was, became alarmed at her condition as he staggered about the room upon his return at a late hour from the village tavern, where he had spent the evening with a company of dissolute companions.
“Father,” she said, “I am very sick; the doctor has been to see me; he left a prescription. Will you not go to the village and get it filled?”
“They won’t trust me, child,” he said, gruffly.
“But I will trust you,” she said sweetly. “There is a little money hidden in the old clock there, which I saved from picking and selling berries. You can take it; there is enough.”
His eyes sparkled with a dangerous glitter.
“Money!” he exclaimed almost fiercely. “I didn’t know you had money. Why didn’t you tell me before? Didn’t you know it belonged by right to me?”
She sighed pitifully.
He staggered to the clock, fumbled about for a few moments, and soon found what he was seeking.
“Yes, I’ll go,” he said, excitedly. “Give me the prescription.”
He snatched it from her extended hand, opened the door and disappeared.
The night grew colder. The sick girl crept into bed and tossed and turned restlessly. The oil in the old lamp burned out. The windows rattled, a storm came, and rain and hail beat upon the window panes. The old clock struck the hour of midnight. The drunkard did not return.
Poor girl, her soul became filled with apprehension and fear for him.
“I must go for him,” she said. “He will perish, and it will be my fault.” She crawled out of bed, drew on her scanty apparel and worn shoes, threw a ragged shawl over her head and shoulders, and went forth into the darkness, heroically facing the driving storm.
The morning came, clear, cloudless and beautiful. The earth was cold and frosty. A neighbor, going early to the village, found two lifeless forms lying by the roadway. Beside the dead man lay an empty black bottle. The girl’s white arms were clasped about his neck. Her soul had gone to intercede for him before the Mercy Seat on high.
Eugene J. Hall.
The Queen arrived in the hall of death. Pale but unflinching she contemplated the dismal preparations. There lay the block and the axe. There stood the executioner and his assistant. All were clothed in mourning. On the floor was scattered the sawdust which was to soak her blood, and in a dark corner lay the bier. It was nine o’clock when the Queen appeared in the funereal hall. Fletcher, Dean of Peterborough, and certain privileged persons, to the number of more than two hundred, were assembled. The hall was hung with black cloth; the scaffold, which was elevated about two feet and a half above the ground, was covered with black frieze of Lancaster; the arm-chair in which Mary was to sit, the footstool on which she was to kneel, the block on which her head was to be laid, were covered with black velvet.
The Queen was clothed in mourning like the hall and as the ensign of punishment. Her black velvet robe, with its high collar and hanging sleeves, was bordered with ermine. Her mantle, lined with marten sable, was of satin, with pearl buttons and a long train. A chain of sweet-smelling beads, to which was attached a scapulary, and beneath that a golden cross, fell upon her bosom. Two rosaries were suspended to her girdle, and a long veil of white lace, which in some measure softened this costume of a widow and of a condemned criminal, was thrown around her.
Arrived on the scaffold, Mary seated herself in the chair provided for her, with her face toward the spectators. The Dean of Peterborough, in ecclesiastical costume, sat on the right of the Queen, with a black velvet footstool before him. The Earls of Kent and Shrewsbury were seated, like him, on the right, but upon larger chairs. On the other side of the Queen stood the Sheriff, Andrews, with white wand. In front of Mary were seen the executioner and his assistant, distinguishable by their vestments of black velvet with red crape round the left arm. Behind the Queen’s chair, ranged by the wall, wept her attendants and maidens.
In the body of the hall, the nobles and citizens from the neighboring counties were guarded by musketeers. Beyond the balustrade was the bar of the tribunal. The sentence was read; the Queen protested against it in the name of royalty and of innocence, but accepted death for the sake of the faith. She then knelt before the block and the executioner proceeded to remove her veil. She repelled him by a gesture, and turning toward the Earls with a blush on her forehead, “I am not accustomed,” she said, “to[292] be undressed before so numerous a company, and by the hands of such grooms of the chamber.”
She then called Jane Kennedy and Elizabeth Curle, who took off her mantle, her veil, her chains, cross and scapulary. On their touching her robe, the Queen told them to unloosen the corsage and fold down the ermine collar, so as to leave her neck bare for the axe. Her maidens weepingly yielded her these last services. Melvil and the three other attendants wept and lamented, and Mary placed her finger on her lips to signify that they should be silent. She then arranged the handkerchief embroidered with thistles of gold with which her eyes had been covered by Jane Kennedy.
Thrice she kissed the crucifix, each time repeating, “Lord, into Thy hands I commend my spirit.” She knelt anew and leant her head on that block which was already scored with deep marks, and in this solemn attitude she again recited some verses from the Psalms. The executioner interrupted her at the third verse by a blow of the axe, but its trembling stroke only grazed her neck; she groaned slightly, and the second blow separated the head from the body.
Lamartine.
FOUNDED ON FACT.
The following poem was written from facts, concerning a sweet little girl who lived in New York. When Summer came her parents took a cottage in the country, where the scene described was enacted.
This selection won a gold medal at a Commencement of the Mt. Vernon Institute of Elocution in Philadelphia. It is a remarkable embodiment of tragedy and pathos.
A chamber with a low, dark ceiling, supported by massive rafters of oak; floors and walls of dark stone, unrelieved by wainscot or plaster—bare, rugged, and destitute.
A dim, smoking light, burning in a vessel of iron, threw its red and murky beams over the fearful contents of a table. It was piled high with the unsightly forms of the dead. Prostrate among these mangled bodies, his arms flung carelessly on either side, slept and dreamed Aldarin—Aldarin, the Fratricide.
He hung on the verge of a rock, a rock of melting bitumen, that burned his hands to masses of crisped and blackened flesh. The rock projected over a gulf, to which the cataracts of earth might compare as the rivulet to the vast ocean. It was the Cataract of Hell. He looked below. God of Heaven, what a sight! Fiery waves, convulsed and foaming, with innumerable whirlpools crimsoned by bubbles of flame. Each whirlpool swallowing millions of the lost. Each bubble bearing on its surface the face of a soul, lost and lost forever.
Born on by the waves, they raised their hands and cast their burning eyes to the skies, and shrieked the eternal death-wail of the lost.
Over this scene, awful and vast, towered a figure of ebony blackness, his darkened brow concealed in the clouds, his extended arms grasping the infinitude of the cataract, his feet resting upon islands of bitumen far in the gulf below. The eyes of the figure were fixed upon Aldarin, as he clung with the nervous clasp of despair to the rock, and their gaze curdled his heated blood.
He was losing his grasp; sliding and sliding from the rock, his feet hung over the gulf. There was no hope for him. He must fall—fall—and fall forever. But lo! a stairway, built of white marble, wide, roomy and secure, seemed to spring from the very rock to which he clung, winding upward from the abyss, till it was lost in the distance far, far above. He beheld two figures slowly descending—the figure of a warrior and the form of a dark-eyed woman.
He knew those figures; he knew them well. They were his victims! Her face, his wife’s! beautiful as when he first wooed her in the gardens of Palestine; but there was blood on her vestments, near the heart, and his lip was spotted with one drop of that thick, red blood. “This,” he muttered, “this, indeed, is hell, and yet I must call for aid—call to them!” How the thought writhed like a serpent round his very heart.
He drew himself along the rugged rock, clutching the red-hot ore in the action. He wanted but a single inch, a little inch and he might grasp the marble of the stairway. Another and a desperate effort. His fingers[297] clutched it, but his strength was gone. He could not hold it in his grasp. With an eye of horrible intensity he looked above. “Thou wilt save me, Ilmerine, my wife. Thou wilt drag me up to thee.” She stooped. She clutched his blackened fingers and placed them around the marble. His grasp was tight and desperate. “Julian, O Julian! grasp this hand. Aid me, O Julian! my brother!” The warrior stooped, laid hold on his hand and drawing it toward the casement, wound it around another piece of marble.
But again his strength fails. “Julian, my brother; Ilmerine, my wife, seize me! Drag me from this rock of terror! Save me! O save me!” She stooped. She unwound finger after finger. She looked at his horror-stricken face and pointed to the red wound in her heart. He looked toward the other face. “Thou, Julian, reach me thy hand. Thy hand, or I perish!” The warrior slowly reached forth his hand from beneath the folds of his cloak. He held before the eyes of the doomed a goblet of gold. It shone and glimmered through the foul air like the beacon fire of hell.
“Take it away! ’Tis the death bowl!” shrieked Aldarin’s livid lips. “I murdered thee. Thou canst not save.” He drew back from the maddening sight. He lost his hold, he slid from the rock, he fell.
Above, beneath, around, all was fire, horror, death; and still he fell. “Forever and forever,” rose the shrieks of the lost. All hell groaned aloud, “Ever, ever. Forever and forever,” and his own soul muttered back, “This—this—is—hell!”
George Lippard.
This beautiful poem is full of the pathos and suffering of poverty. It should be delivered with expression and feeling. Although lengthy the interest is sustained throughout.
The perplexing question of obtaining something suitable for the “little tots” to recite, is solved by the choice collection of pieces here presented. The pathetic, the humorous, the beautiful, in short, every variety of recitation for the young people, may be found in the following pages, including drills and motion recitals, and selections for special occasions, all of which are entertaining and admirably suited to the little folks.
Girl is very nice! Everybody who has not the misfortune to be girl will allow this. Nice girl will allow it also as far as itself is concerned. Strange girl is objectionable in the eyes of girl generally.
Powder improves girl sometimes, but it seldom finds this out until it is suggested to it by one of experience.
Healthy girl costs its parents less money for doctors’ bills, but persons who write romantic tales for circulating libraries choose unhealthy and pasty faced girl to write about—the swooning kind preferred.
If I were not boy I think I should like to be girl. It’s best fun to be boy when there’s plenty of girl about.
Jump down, honey, en fotch me dat rag fum de table, fer ter wipe off dis hyah led. Tole yer so, dat milk gwine ter splatter up hyah ’reckly! Dar now, dat’s er good chile, git back in mer lap.
Uh-er! Teck kyah, honey, keep dem fingers way fum dar! Butter mos’ come now: set still jis’ er leetle w’ile longer.
Dar now! [removing the top and giving the dasher a circular motion] jis’ peep in dar en see de lumps ob yaller butter er-huddlin’ tergedder. Now run fotch yer leetle blue mug, en Mammy ’ll gib yer some nice sweet buttermilk right outen dis hyah churn.
Edward A. Oldham.
Teach the child to make all the gestures and facial expressions. This is a captivating recital for any “little tot” who can do it well, and this will require patient practice.
For five little children and one older, a girl, who takes the part of the mother. They stand in a row and each steps forward and recites the verse.
Now, stay right still and listen, kitty-cat, and I’ll tell you a story.
Once there was a girl.
She was a pretty good little girl, and minded her papa ’n’ mamma everything they said, only sometimes she didn’t, and then she was naughty; but she was always sorry, and said she wouldn’t do so any more, and her mamma’d forgive her.
She was going to hang up her stocking.
“You’ll have to be pretty good, ’lest ’twon’t be filled,” said her mamma.
“’Less maybe there’ll be a big bunch of sticks in it,” said her papa.
Do you think that’s a nice way to talk, kitty-cat? I don’t.
So the little girl was good as she could be, ’less she was bigger, and didn’t cry and slap her little sister hardly any at all, and always minded her mamma when she came where the chimney was, ’specially much.
So she hung up her stocking.
And in the night she got awake, and wanted it to come morning; but in the morning she didn’t get awake till ’twas all sunshiny out doors.
Then she ran quick as she could to look at her stocking where she’d hung it; and true’s you live, kitty-cat, there wasn’t the leastest thing in it—not the leastest bit of a scrimp!
Oh, the little girl felt dreadfully! How’d you feel, s’pose it had been you, kitty-cat?
She ’menced to cry, the little girl did, and she kept going harder ’n harder, till by’mby she screeched orfly, and her mamma came running to see what the matter was.
“Mercy me!” said her mamma. “Look over by the window ’fore you do that any more, Kathie.”
That little girl’s name was Kathie too, kitty-cat, just the same’s mine.
So she looked over by the window, the way her mamma said, and—oh! there was the loveliest dolly’s house you ever saw in all your born life.
It had curtains to pull to the sides when you wanted to play, and pull in front when you didn’t.
There was a bed-room, kitty-cat, and a dinner-room, and a kitchen, and a parlor, and they all had carpets on.
And there was the sweetest dolly in the parlor, all dressed up in blue silk! Oh, dear! And a penano, to play real little[306] tunes on, and a rocking-chair, and—O kitty-cat! I can’t begin to tell you half about it.
I can’t about the bed-room, either, and the dinner-room.
But the kitchen was the very bestest of all. There was a stove—a teeny tonty mite of a one, kitty-cat,—with dishes just zactly like mamma’s, only littler, of course, and fry-pans and everything; and spoons to stir with, and a rolling-pin, and two little cutters-out, and the darlingest baker-sheet ever you saw!
And the first thing that little girl did was to make some teenty mites of cookies, ’cause her mamma let her; and if you’ll come right down stairs, kitty-cat, I’ll give you one.
’Cause I was that little girl, kitty-cat, all the time.
The boy’s garments should suit the description contained in the piece. In reciting the last two lines he should point to his head, stretch out his hands to show them, look down at his feet, and then catch hold of his pants and spread them out on the sides, putting on at the same time a look of pride.
This is a charming exercise for boys and girls. Each should be dressed in the costume of the character to be represented, and, as far as possible, should go through the motions called for by the part. The properties can all be placed on the stage before the performance begins. Each character comes in alone, those who have already entered remaining until the close. All unite in singing the chorus, after each performer has spoken or sung (according to choice) the part he or she is to act. Music suitable for this selection is herewith furnished. Come in promptly and avoid long pauses.
I am here. And if this is what they call the world, I don’t think much of it. It’s a very flannelly world and smells of paregoric awfully. It’s a dreadful light world, too, and makes me blink, I tell you. And I don’t know what to do with my hands; I think I’ll dig my fists in my eyes. No, I won’t. I’ll scratch at the corner of my blanket and chew it up, and then I’ll holler; whatever happens, I’ll holler. And the more paregoric they give me, the louder I’ll yell. That old nurse puts the spoon in the corner of my mouth, sidewise like, and keeps tasting my milk herself all the while. She spilt snuff in it last night, and when I hollered she trotted me. That comes of being a two-days-old[311] baby. Never mind; when I’m a man, I’ll pay her back good.
There’s a pin sticking in me now, and if I say a word about it, I’ll be trotted or fed; and I would rather have catnip-tea. I heard folks say, “Hush! don’t wake up Emeline’s baby;” and I suppose that pretty, white-faced woman on the pillow is Emeline.
No, I was mistaken; for a chap was in here just now and wanted to see Bob’s baby and looked at me and said I was a funny little toad, and looked just like Bob. He smelt of cigars. I wonder who else I belong to! Yes, there’s another one—that’s “Gamma.” “It was Gamma’s baby, so it was.” I declare, I don’t know who I belong to; but I’ll holler, and maybe I’ll find out. There comes snuffy with catnip tea. I’m going to sleep. I wonder why my hands won’t go where I want them to!
Lines written for Edward Everett, when a child.
My name’s Jack. I’m eight years old. I’ve a sister Arathusa, and she calls me a little torment. I’ll tell you why: You know Arathusa has got a beau, and he comes to see her every night, and they turn the gas ’way, ’way down ’till you can’t hardly see. I like to stay in the room with the gas on full blaze, but Arathusa skites me out of the room every night.
I checked her once, you better believe. You know she went to the door to let Alphonso in, and I crawled under the sofa. Then they came in, and it got awful dark, and they sat down on the sofa, and I couldn’t hear nothing but smack! smack! smack! Then I reached out and jerked Arathusa’s foot. Then she jumped and said, “Oh, mercy, what’s that?” and Alphonso said she was a “timid little creature.” “Oh, Alphonso, I’m happy by your side, but when I think of your going away it almost breaks my heart.”
Then I snickered right out, I couldn’t help it, and Arathusa got up, went and peeked through the keyhole and said, “I do believe that’s Jack, nasty little torment, he’s always where he isn’t wanted.” Do you know this made me mad, and I crawled out from under the sofa and stood up before her and said, “You think you are smart because you have got a beau. I guess I know what you’ve been doing; you’ve been sitting on Alphonso’s lap, and letting him kiss you like you let Bill Jones kiss you. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. If it hadn’t been for that old false front of yours, Pa would have let me have a bicycle like Tom Clifford’s. You needn’t be grinding them false teeth of yours at me, I ain’t a-going out of here. I ain’t so green as I look. I guess I know a thing or two. I don’t care if you are 28 years old, you ain’t no boss of me!”
A small boy who can adopt the air and demeanor of the “afflicted parent” will make this soliloquy very amusing.
A Baby! Yes—a baby—a real, definite, unquestionable baby! What of it? do you ask. Well, that’s queer. Don’t know what a baby is? I’m sorry for you. My advice is—go and get one.
Heigho! I’m weighted down with my responsibility. Solferino in color—no hair on its head—kicks—yowls—mews—whines-sneezes—squints—makes up mouths—it’s a singular circumstance—that baby is, and—but never mind.
Cross? I guess that’s a beginning of the truth, so far as it’s concerned, but, why did it happen along just at the moment when muslin, linen and white flannel were the highest they had been since Adam built a hen-house for Mrs. Eve’s chickens? when the doctors charge two dollars a squint, four dollars a grunt, and, on account of the scarcity in the country, take what is left in a man’s pocket, no discount for cash, and send bill for balance, Jan. 1st? Queer, isn’t it? (A pause.)
A queer little thing is that baby; a speck of a nose like a wart, head as bald as a squash, and no place to hitch a waterfall; a mouth just situated to come the gum-game and chew milk. Oh! you should hear her sing. I have stuffed my fur cap down its throat, given it the smoothing-iron to play with; but that little red lump that looks as if it couldn’t hold blood enough to keep a musketo from fainting, persists to swallow its fists, and the other day they dropped down its throat, to the crook in its elbows. That stopped its music, and I was happy for one and a half minutes.
It is a pleasant thing to have a baby in the house—one of your achy kind. Think of the pleasures of a father in his night costume, trembling in the midnight hour, with his warm feet upon a square yard of oilcloth, dropping paregoric in a teaspoon, by moonlight, the nurse thumping at the door, and the wife of your bosom crying “hurray,” and the baby yelling till the fresco drops from[319] the ceiling. It’s a nice time to think of dress coats, pants, ties, and white kids.
Its mother says the darling is troubled with—oh, don’t mention it. I have got to get up in the cold and shiver while the milk warms—it uses the bottle. I tried to stop its growth the other night; it was no go. I rocked so hard that I missed stays, and sent it slap clear across the room, upsetting the flower-stand. It didn’t make any noise then! Oh, no! I was a happy man. Oh, yes. (A pause.) That baby’s mother says only wait until it gets bleached (it’s been vaccinated) and old enough to crawl about and feed on pins. Yes, I’m going to wait. Won’t it be delightful?
John, run for the doctor; it’s fallen into the slop pail; it’s choking with a peach-skin; or it has fallen down stairs; or has swallowed the tack-hammer; or shows signs of the mumps, croup, whooping cough, small pox, cholera infantum, or some other curious thing to let the doctor take the money laid by for my winter’s donation to the poor.
Shampooing, curling my hair, wearing nice clothes, going to parties? Oh, no more of that! No—more—of—that. A baby—oh! I’m an old fellow now. Adieu, vain world!
It needs a cute little girl who can make appropriate gestures to recite this piece.
For seven little boys and girls. Teacher or some large boy or girl should speak.
For Several Boys.
1. Arms extended forward as though holding a plow. 2. A motion as of taking seed out of a bag or basket, and scattering with the right hand. 3. Motion as of cutting with a scythe. 4. Arms curved and extended forward. 5. Hands as though grasping a flail. Strike with some force. 6. Erect position arms folded, or hands on the hips.
For a boy eight or ten years old.
At place marked 1 hold right hand out, palm downwards, as if measuring height. At place marked 2, point to audience. At 3, the reciter points to himself. At 4, downward motion of hand. At 5, point to right. At 6, hold out both hands, as if holding stick. At 7, double up right arm, with hand in front of shoulder. At 8, point to left. At 9, hold head up very straight. At 10, cross hands on breast. At 11, hold out right hand, with finger pointed, as if in command.
ADDRESSED TO THE BOYS OF AMERICA.
A motion exercise for six little girls.
1. Motion upward with right hand. 2. Look downward. 3. Look upward. 4. Wave hands back and forth. 5. Extend right arm. 6. Close eyes, faces expressive of weariness. 7. Double the hands up, moving them quickly backwards and forwards. 8. Same as 7. 9. Move hands downward. 10. Put palms of hands together. 11. Look toward right. 12. Extend right arm, looking at same. 13. Downward motion with right hand. 14. Motion toward the north.
Marches and drills by the little folks are always very attractive and entertaining. The preparation for these benefits young people by requiring them to move the body quickly and gracefully, assuming an erect attitude, then other positions at the word of command. Such exercises also aid in forming a habit of strict attention.
The Broom Drill is one of the most entertaining, and can readily be learned. It should be practiced until it can be performed promptly and without any mistakes. Twelve or sixteen girls—in fact, any even number, according to the size of the stage—may take part in it.
All should be dressed alike, in blouse waist of Turkey red chintz, sleeves and collar trimmed with white braid; skirt made of white cheese cloth, trimmed above the hem with band of red chintz, four or five inches wide; a red cap completes the costume.
During the marching there should be music, and the notes of the piano should be struck sharply. Any good march will answer for the music. The following exercises conform very nearly to the “Manual of Arms” used in the army. The cuts will be found very serviceable in showing the different positions.
Standing in rank near the front side of the stage, the teacher gives the command to “present arms,” “carry arms,” “trail arms,” etc. Each command consists of two words: the first is to indicate what the pupil is to do, and on the second word the movement is made, all acting in concert.
The following exercises are suitable for this drill, and always prove very entertaining to the audience.
Carry—Arms!—The broom is held in the right hand, handle upward, with the hand clasping the handle where it joins the brush. The left hand hangs at the side. (Fig. 1.)
Present—Arms!—Place the broom with the right hand in front of the centre of the body, clasping the handle with the left hand above[327] the right. Hold the broom perfectly perpendicular. (Fig. 2.)
Order—Arms!—Let go the handle with the left hand, and carry the broom to the side with the right hand; then drop the broom to the floor. (Fig. 3.)
In place—Rest!—Grasp the handle with both hands, the left above the right, and place both hands in front of the lower part of the breast. (Fig. 4.)
Trail—Arms!—Grasp the handle with the right hand and incline it forward, the broom behind, resting on the floor. (Fig. 5.)
Attention—Charge!—Half face to the right, carrying the heel six inches to the rear and three inches to the right of the left, turning the toes of both feet slightly inward; at the same time drop the stick into the left hand, elbow against the body, point of stick at the height of the chin; right hand grasping the stick just above the brush and supporting it firmly against the right hip. (Fig. 6.)
Port—Arms!—Raise and throw the broom diagonally across the body; grasp it smartly with both hands, the right, palm down at the base of the stick; the left, palm up, thumb clasping stick; handle sloping to the left and crossing opposite the middle of left shoulder; right forearm horizontal; forearms and handle near the body. (Fig. 7.)
Secure—Arms!—Advance the broom slightly with the right hand, turn the handle to the front with the left hand. At the same time change the position of the right hand, placing it further up the handle, drop the handle to the front, placing the broom where joined with the handle, under the right arm. (Fig. 8.)
Reverse—Arms!—Lift the broom vertically with the right hand, clasp the stick with the left hand; then, with the right hand grasp the handle near the brush. Reverse the broom, the handle dropping to the front, the broom passing between the breast and right forearm. Press the handle under the arm with the left hand until the right elbow can hold it in place against the body; pass left hand behind the back and clasp the stick. (Fig. 9.)
Inspection—Arms!—This is executed from the “carry arms” position. Lift the broom quickly with the right hand, bringing it in front of the centre of the body; then grasp the handle with the left hand, placed near the chin, and hold it. (Fig. 10.)
These can be executed only with open ranks, the pupils being placed seven or eight feet apart. To so place them, the teacher will give the order—
Right (or Left) open Ranks—March!—The pupils face to the right or left, according to the order given, except the one at the extreme end of the line. The others march, the last of the file halting at every four or five steps from the one in the rear, until all are the same distance apart. They then face front. To close the rank, turn to the right or left and march toward the pupil standing at the end until halted by the one ahead. Then face front.
Attention—Guard!—At the command guard, half face to the right, carry back and place the right foot about twice its length to the rear and nearly the same distance to the right, the feet at little less than a right angle, the right toe pointing squarely to the right, both knees bent slightly, weight of the body held equally on both legs; at the same time throw the end of the stick to the front, at the height of the chin, grasping it lightly with both hands, the right just above the brush, the left a few inches higher; the right hand in line with the left hip and both arms held free from the body and without constraint. (Fig. 11.)
Being at the Guard—Advance!—Move the left foot quickly forward, twice its length; follow with the right foot the same distance.
Retire!—Move the right foot quickly to the rear, twice its length; follow with the left foot the same distance.
Front—Pass!—Advance the right foot quickly, fifteen inches in front of the left, keeping right toe squarely to the right; advance the left foot to its relative position in front.
Rear—Pass!—Carry the left foot quickly fifteen inches to the rear of the right; place the right foot in its relative position in rear, keeping the right toe squarely to the right.
Right—Volt!—Face to the right, turning on the ball of the left foot, at the same time[329] carry the right foot quickly to its position in rear.
Left—Volt!—Face to the left, turning on the ball of the left foot, at the same time carry the right foot quickly to its position in rear.
Right rear and left rear volts are similarly executed, facing about on the ball of the left foot.
Quarte—Parry!—Hold the broom in front of the left shoulder with the right hand, handle upward, the fingers of the left hand on the handle, the left elbow touching the right wrist. (Fig. 12.)
Seconde—Parry!—Move the point of the broom-handle quickly to the left, describing a semi-circle from left to right, the left elbow in front of the body, the flat of the broom under the right forearm, the right elbow two or three inches higher than the right shoulder. (Fig. 13.)
Prime—Parry.—Carry the broom to the[330] left, covering the left shoulder, the handle downward, the left forearm behind the handle, the right arm in front of and above the eyes. (Fig. 14.)
To Thrust in Tierce.—Straighten the right leg, extend both arms, keeping point of handle at height of the breast, broom at right side of head. (Fig. 15.)
Thrust in Quarte.—The same as tierce, but with the broom on the left side of the head.
The lunges are the same as the thrusts, except that the left foot is extended farther in front. (Fig. 16.)
Broom to Front—One!—Raise handle nearly straight up and down, drop it into the hollow of the right shoulder.—Two!—Strike quickly by pushing the broom forward, the handle always resting on the right shoulder. (Fig. 17.)
Right Short—Thrust!—One!—Hold the broom with the right hand to the rear, left hand by the right breast, the point of the handle opposite the centre of the body.—Two!—Thrust forward. (Fig. 18.)
High Prime—Parry!—Raise the broom[331] with both hands in front of and higher than the head. Hold the handle firmly with the right hand, the broom being to the right; turn the knuckles of the left hand to the front, and let other end of broom handle rest on the thumb and forefinger. (Fig. 19.)
To Guard when Kneeling.—Bring the toe of the left foot square in front, plant the right foot to the rear, kneel on the right knee, bending the left, hold the broom at an angle of 45 degrees, pointing directly to the front, the right hand pressed firmly against the side, the left hand holding the point of handle upward. (Fig. 20.)
There should be music while the pupils are coming upon the stage and leaving. Any spirited march will answer.
Girls enter from right and left sides of stage at the back, eight on each side, and march in single files according to the diagram furnished below.
When they meet at C F, separate and march to L F and R F, then up sides of stage to back, then across back to C B. When they meet at C B, form couples and march in twos forward on centre line. At C F first couple turn to R F, second to L F, third to R F, fourth to L F, etc. March up sides to back, and when couples meet at C B march in fours to C F. First four turn to R F, second four to L F, etc. March up sides to back.
When the fours meet at C B, form eights and march toward front and halt for drill. During the march they “carry brooms” in the right hand, the stick resting against the right shoulder and nearly vertical, the arm hanging at nearly its full length near the body, the hand grasping the handle of the broom just above the sweep (the brush part), which rests flat against the side of skirt. The thumb and forefinger must be in front.
It is so difficult to obtain really good selections to be recited at Sunday-school anniversaries and similar occasions, that those here presented will be much appreciated. They have the merit of containing good sentiments and are therefore appropriate. The best lessons for young and old are often conveyed in simple language.
This beautiful poem is admirably adapted for a church entertainment when spoken by a little girl.
I believe, if there is one word that grown-up folks are more fond of using to us little folks, than any other word in the big dictionary, it is the word D-o-n-t.
It is all the time “Don’t do this,” and “Don’t do that,” and “Don’t do the other,” until I am sometimes afraid there will be nothing left that we can do.
Why, for years and years and years, ever since I was a tiny little tot, this word “Don’t” has been my torment. It’s “Lizzie, don’t make a noise, you disturb me,” and “Lizzie, don’t eat so much candy, it will make you sick,” and “Lizzie, don’t be so idle,” and “Don’t talk so much,” and “Don’t soil your clothes,” and “Don’t” everything else. One day I thought I’d count how many times I was told not to do things! Just think! I counted twenty-three “don’ts,” and[334] I think I missed two or three little ones besides.
But now it is my turn. I have got a chance to talk, and I’m going to tell some of the big people when to Don’t! That is what my piece is about. First, I shall tell the papas and mammas—Don’t scold the children, just because you have been at a party the night before, and so feel cross and tired. Second, Don’t fret and make wrinkles in your faces over things that cannot be helped. I think fretting spoils big folks just as much as it does us little people. Third, Don’t forget where you put your scissors, and then say you s’pose the children have taken them. Oh! I could tell you ever so many “don’ts,” but I think I’ll only say one more, and that is—Don’t think I mean to be saucy, because all these don’ts are in my piece, and I had to say them.
E. C. Rook.
For six children and an older scholar, who takes the part of teacher, and recites the “Response.” Stand in a row and step forward as you recite your lines.
This piece should be spoken by a spirited boy, and as he goes upon the stage, some one should cry out, “There’s a teetotaler!”
Yes, sir, here is a teetotaler, from the crown of his head to the tips of his toes. I’ve got on teetotal boots, too, that never will walk in the way of a drunkard. The other day a man asked me about our White Ribbon Army. He wanted to know what use there is in making so many promises. I told him the use was in keeping the promises more than in making them.
The boys which belong to our Army have something to do besides loafing at the corners of the streets, and smoking the stumps of cigars they pick out of the gutters. It makes me sick to think of it!
Some boys are dreadfully afraid of losing their liberty, so they won’t sign our pledge. I saw four or five of them the other day. They had been off, somewhere, having what they call a jolly time; and they were so drunk they couldn’t walk straight. They lifted their feet higher than a sober boy would to go upstairs, and I watched them till one fell down and bumped his nose.
Thinks I to myself, there’s liberty for you, but it’s just such liberty as I don’t want. I would rather walk straight than crooked, I would rather stand up than fall down, and I would rather go to a party with my sisters, and some other pretty girls, than hide away with a lot of rough fellows, to guzzle beer and whisky.
There are plenty of other reasons why I am a teetotaler. When I grow up, I would rather be a man than a walking wine-cask or rum-barrel; I would rather live in a good house than a poor one, and I would rather be loved and respected than despised and hated.
Now, if these are not reasons enough for being a teetotaler, I will give you some more the next time we meet.
For a small boy.
The boy that spoke first to-night said you were all welcome. I shan’t take it back. You are welcome. You’re welcome to see and hear; but you’re just twice as welcome to give. We love to look at you, and we’re willing you should look at us. We’re glad to have you hear us; but we want to hear you. You haven’t any speeches ready? All right! We don’t want to hear those. We can make those ourselves—as you’ve seen.
What we do want to hear is the rustling of Greenbacks and the clinking of Silver, as the ushers pass the boxes round. That’s a kind of music that we appreciate, for it gets us our library-books, our papers, our banners, and everything else that a Sunday-School needs; and then it’s a kind of music that we can’t make ourselves, and everybody prizes what he can’t do himself. We do our best now. This school has given ⸺ dollars for benevolent objects, during the past year. Isn’t such a school worth helping? We mean to do better by-and-by, when we get hold of the money-bags. Just now, you must do the giving.
To be spoken by a small girl.
Dear Pastor:—The old folks have asked you to come and be their pastor, and we children want to know if you won’t come and be ours too. I am sure little folks need a pastor just as much as big ones do. I[338] think they do more, because big folks ought to be able to take care of themselves.
We think the Sunday-school belongs especially to us, as we are allowed to say more there than we are in church, so we would like you to come into the Sunday-school and work with us there, and we will gladly pay you with our love and sunny smiles. (We can’t give you our pennies because they have to go across the ocean to the poor heathen.) If you could only come around through our classes every week and help us just a little by a word of good cheer, I am sure we would feel that you belonged to us and we to you.
I know pastors have an awful lot to do, and they say it is real hard work to preach, but if you could say just a little less to the old folks, and a little more to the young folks, we will help you build up the church and make it a big success. So, I hope, dear pastor, you will let us call you our own, and when you come among us you may be sure we will love you and welcome you as the children’s friend.
To be spoken by a small boy.
Dear Mr. Blank:—I am sent out here to-day to tell you how glad we are that you are to be our new superintendent. I welcome you in the name of the school, and do it most heartily. Boys know a good thing when they see it—if they didn’t Farmer Jones wouldn’t have to put up sticky fly-paper on his peach trees—just to catch flies, of course. So, when we were told that you had been chosen for our new superintendent, we said “that’s all right.”
There must be an engineer to every train if it is to be run properly, at the same time a great deal depends on the train and how it is made up. Now, I believe there is good stuff in our Sunday-school. We would make a good train if guided by a good engineer. We can’t run ourselves and keep on the track, that’s sure. We are quite certain, to begin with, that we are on the right track, and we know that Mr. Blank can keep us there. To get to the end of our journey safely, though, will depend much on how well our train hangs together. This, boys and girls, is our part, and we must do our best.
We know that love will make the wheels go round and charity will bind us together, tighter than any cord. We hope our engineer will be proud of his train.
I have always been told that children should be seen and not heard, but this is children’s night and we are going to be seen and heard too.
We are very glad to welcome the old folks. There are so many here their presence would lead us to think they believe boys and girls can do something after all. Their eyes are on us, and I hope, children, that you have brought your best behavior with you, because this is a good time and place to use it. Perhaps I may be allowed to suggest that you keep your eye on the old folks, just to see that they conduct themselves properly.
Boys and girls, we have a great deal to say that is worth hearing, and I hope you will speak out loud and prompt so that our audience will not miss any of the good things. We want to make this the best exhibition we have ever given, so that when our elders go home they will have a better impression of us than they ever had before.
When I found that our superintendent had put me last on the programme, I felt, as boys often do, that it would be much nicer to be[339] first, but he said it was a good plan to keep the best wine till the last, so I feel all right about it. I know, too, that you will not question the superintendent’s good taste. I mean about me, not the wine. He wants me to say we are all very much obliged to you for coming, and we hope you have had a much bigger treat than you expected.
These exhibitions mean work for the boys and girls, as well as for the teachers, but work does everybody good, especially boys who love base-ball better than Sunday-school. I hope our efforts have been a credit to ourselves and to the Sunday-school, of which we are all so proud.
For a young lady.
Dear Pastor:—It is our delight at this season of gifts and good will, to present to you a slight token of the esteem in which you are held by your Sunday School. To say we all love you is to repeat what you must already know.
“Out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaketh,” but words do not always answer our purpose. We like to put them into some tangible form, and so to-night we present you with this ⸺ which comes as an expression of our sincere love and good wishes.
We ask you to accept this, not for its intrinsic value, but as a gift from loyal scholars, who recognize and appreciate your constant and untiring efforts to minister to their needs in every way and at all times.
Do not thank us, dear Pastor. We are discharging but a mite of the indebtedness we owe you, and you will only add to that debt if you persist in returning thanks to us. You know how Church people abhor debts, and we are trying to put into practice some of your preaching. We hope the token will be a constant reminder, if that were necessary, of our unceasing interest in you and your work.
Dear Teacher:—We take this occasion to acknowledge publicly our deep and sincere appreciation of the faithful service you have rendered us. It is our desire to tender you some tangible expression of the sincere feeling we have for you and to impress upon you the love and good will felt by every pupil.
I, therefore, present you this ⸺ asking you to associate it forever with the names and faces of the donors. Through your kind and prayerful aid many of us have been led into the way of truth, and will, therefore, gratefully remember you as long as we live.
For a young man.
Mr. Superintendent:—We are going to make you a present to-night, and I for one think you deserve it.
Our School has the reputation of being a live one, and it is a good deal because there is a live man at the head of it. In the past year that you have been with us, your patience must have been sorely tried, for while most of the children are naturally good, some are naturally unruly. The young men and young women from whom we expect the best conduct are often, strange to say, more attentive to each other than to their lessons. But having been first a boy yourself, and perhaps later a beau, you have not had the heart to be too severe on those who are still young pupils in the school of experience.
By your untiring efforts you have brought the Sunday School up to a standard of unusual excellence. For its free and vigorous life, we are largely indebted to you. As a token of that fact please accept this gift. We wish its intrinsic value were twice as great. But if it conveys, even in a slight degree, the[340] esteem in which you are held by all our scholars, young and old, it will serve the purpose for which it was procured.
To be spoken by a young lady.
Dear Mr. Blank:—I feel unable to fully express to you our joy at seeing you once more in your place in the Sunday School. It has been hard for us to be deprived of your presence, for you had made yourself invaluable to us, but added to the personal loss we felt at your absence was the greater sorrow that you had been called upon to pass through so much physical suffering.
But, we know that God’s hand is always leading us, and the same wise purpose that causes the shadows to fall, also makes the sun to shine, and “the darker the shadow, the brighter the sunshine.” When, for a time, it was feared that you might not be restored to us, we felt we could not have it so, but our prayers were heard, and our thanks are deep and sincere that you are again in our midst. We pray that you may long be permitted to glorify Him who is the great physician, in the work to which you are returned.
To be spoken by a young man.
Dear Pastor:—I want to speak in behalf of the younger members of your flock and add our hearty welcome to that already voiced by our elders. We congratulate you on your safe return, and rejoice with you that change and rest have reinvigorated your physical health. As you come, bringing the fresh fruits of added experience and observation, you will find us all eager to benefit by what has enriched your store.
Welcome home, then, to all that has suffered by your absence. The Church with its manifold offices has often felt the need of your strength and wisdom. Welcome to the Sunday-school where your words of help and counsel have guided us many times, and where your presence has been most uplifting.
Welcome to the homes and hearts of the young and old alike. There is not a fireside in our midst that has not been cheered by your frequent and timely visits. In the seasons of joy and sorrow which must come to all homes alike, there has been no one to whom we could turn and be so sure of loving sympathy as yourself.
Welcome to the privileges and responsibilities of your calling and to the honor of your old title—The Pastor who loves the children. We want to give fresh assurance of our hearty co-operation in that work which you are about to resume. We have learned in your absence how much and how great is that work.
Let it be our privilege to share it with you and so prove by our deeds, the love we have for your labors.
May Hatheway.
CONTAINING
Charming Exercises for Fourth-of-July Celebrations; Washington’s Birthday; Christmas and Thanksgiving; Decoration Day; Public School Exhibitions; Arbor Day; Harvest Homes; Evening Entertainments, Etc., Etc.
INCLUDING A CHOICE COLLECTION OF DIALOGUES, TABLEAUX, SUBJECTS FOR DEBATE, ETC.
The following programme can be varied as occasion may require by additional exercises or by substituting others for those here suggested. The platform should be decorated with flags and patriotic emblems. In addition to the singing of patriotic airs, there should be music by a band or orchestra. Each of the children should be furnished with a small flag. Let all the exercises be very spirited.
And now—for the fulness of time is come—let us go up, in imagination to yonder hill, and look out upon the November scene. That single dark speck, just discernible through the perspective glass, on the waste of waters, is the fated vessel. The storm moans through her tattered canvas, as she creeps, almost sinking, to her anchorage in Provincetown harbor; and there she lies, with all her treasures, not of silver and gold (for of these she has none), but of courage, of patience, of zeal, of high spiritual daring.
So often as I dwell in imagination on this scene; when I consider the condition of the Mayflower, utterly incapable, as she was, of living through another gale; when I survey the terrible front presented by our coast to the navigator who, unacquainted with its channels and roadsteads, should approach it in the stormy season, I dare not call it a mere piece of good fortune, that the general north and south wall of the shore of New England should be broken by this extraordinary projection of the cape, running out into the ocean a hundred miles, as if on purpose to receive and encircle the precious vessel.
As I now see her, freighted with the destinies of a continent, barely escaped from the perils of the deep, approaching the shore precisely where the broad sweep of this most remarkable headland presents almost the only point at which, for hundreds of miles, she could, with any ease, have made a harbor, and this, perhaps, the very best on the seaboard, I feel my spirit raised above the sphere of mere natural agencies.
I see the mountains of New England rising from their rocky thrones. They rush forward into the ocean, settling down as they advance; and there they range themselves, as a mighty bulwark around the heaven-directed vessel. Yes, the everlasting God himself stretches out the arm of his mercy and his power, in substantial manifestation, and gathers the meek company of his worshipers as in the hollow of his hand.
Edward Everett.
(Twelve or more boys dressed in naval costume and carrying flags.)
(To be prefaced with the following statement: “In the year 1768, the people of Boston resolved that they would not import any tea, glass, paper, or other commodities commonly brought from Great Britain, until the act imposing duties upon all such articles should be repealed. This poetical appeal to the ladies of the country, to lend a ‘helping hand’ for the furtherance of that resolution, appeared in the Boston News Letter, anonymously.”)
(A soldier dressed as a British redcoat is lying down, resting on one elbow and holding up his hand to ward off his foe. A soldier dressed in Continental uniform stands over him, pointing a bayonet at his breast.)
What has this nation done to repay the world for the benefits we have received from others? We have been repeatedly told, and sometimes, too, in a tone of affected impartiality, that the highest praise which can fairly be given to the American mind, is that of possessing an enlightened selfishness; that if the philosophy and talents of this country, with all their effects, were forever swept into oblivion, the loss would be felt only by ourselves; and that if to the accuracy of this general charge, the labors of Franklin present an illustrious, it is still but a solitary, exception.
The answer may be given, confidently and triumphantly. Without abandoning the fame of our eminent men, whom Europe has been slow and reluctant to honor, we would reply, that the intellectual power of this people has exerted itself in conformity to the general system of our institutions and manners; and therefore, that, for the proof of its existence and the measure of its force, we must look not so much to the works of prominent individuals, as to the great aggregate results; and if Europe has hitherto been wilfully blind to the value of our example and the exploits of our sagacity, courage, invention, and freedom, the blame must rest with her, and not with America.
Is it nothing for the universal good of mankind to have carried into successful operation a system of self-government, uniting personal liberty, freedom of opinion, and equality of rights, with national power and dignity; such as had before existed only in the Utopian dreams of philosophers? Is it nothing, in moral science, to have anticipated in sober reality, numerous plans of reform in civil and criminal jurisprudence, which[347] are, but now, received as plausible theories by the politicians and economists of Europe? Is it nothing to have been able to call forth on every emergency, either in war or peace, a body of talented patriots always equal to the difficulty?
Is it nothing to have, in less than a half-century, exceedingly improved the sciences of political economy, of law, and of medicine, with all their auxiliary branches; to have enriched human knowledge by the accumulation of a great mass of useful facts and observations, and to have augmented the power and the comforts of civilized man, by miracles of mechanical invention? Is it nothing to have given the world examples of disinterested patriotism, of political wisdom, of public virtue; of learning, eloquence, and valor, never exerted save for some praiseworthy end? It is sufficient to have briefly suggested these considerations; every mind would anticipate me in filling up the details.
No—Land of Liberty! thy children have no cause to blush for thee. What though the arts have reared few monuments among us, and scarce a trace of the muse’s footstep is found in the paths of our forests, or along the banks of our rivers; yet our soil has been consecrated by the blood of heroes, and by great and holy deeds of peace. Its wide extent has become one vast temple and hallowed asylum, sanctified by the prayers and blessings of the persecuted of every sect, and the wretched of all nations.
Land of Refuge—Land of Benedictions! Those prayers still arise, and they still are heard: “May peace be within thy walls, and plenteousness within thy palaces!” “May there be no decay, no leading into captivity, and no complaining in thy streets!” “May truth flourish out of the earth, and righteousness look down from Heaven!”
Gulian C. Verplanck.
(Twelve or more little girls, dressed in Continental costume and carrying flags. They should be drilled to perform a march.)
(American and British soldiers in the background. Washington in front and Cornwallis handing him his sword.)
(A Christmas tree always pleases young people, and what interests them is sure to be appreciated by older persons. In the absence of a Christmas tree, loaded with decorations and gifts, the room should be trimmed with evergreens; in fact, such decorations are always in order at the merry Christmas time.)
(For four children. They recite singly and then in concert, beginning with the words in the last verse, “Lo, want and sin,” etc.)
(For boy or girl, who has a stocking with a hole in it, and holds it up in the last verse, shows the hole and thrusts one or two fingers through it.)
(Comes in dressed in heavy winter garments, with long, white beard and pockets stuffed with toys).
(Music by band or orchestra can be introduced whenever deemed appropriate).
All over our land, in every cemetery where rests members of our army of the dead—and we doubt if any burial place has not such sleepers,—people are gathered to-day to pay tribute to our soldier dead and strew flowers over their graves. All hearts turn as by a common impulse to these ceremonies. We bring our offerings of flowers to the soldiers, but it affects them not; they cannot feel the love and gratitude that prompt the gift. Their lives and deeds have wrought for themselves more enduring monuments than sculptured marble. We assure the loving soldiers that they are not forgotten—that their courage and patriotism will always be remembered as long as a loyal school boy or school girl may live. But this day means more than this, it means something for our nation, something for posterity; its belief in that grand old flag and what it stands for; a belief in freedom. It means that the boys and girls of to-day, the men and women of to-morrow, who share in this day’s ceremonies, echo the words of our fathers, that “this government shall be preserved, come what will, threaten it who may.”
(For fifteen pupils each carrying a flag, and gesturing as indicated. Pupil 8 should carry a larger flag than the others. Seven to the left of eight should hold flags to left shoulder; seven to right of eight, should hold flags to right shoulder. When the word North is recited, the seven to the right of number eight raise their flags, then back to the shoulder; when the word South is recited, the seven to the left of number eight lift their flags, then replace to shoulders. Each might carry in other hand a bunch of flowers, and at the word flowers, the bouquets should be raised as were the flags. The pupils to the left could wear gray and those to the right, blue, in some way—in caps, sashes or bows. Number eight should be dressed in red, white and blue.)
(These last two lines should be recited while flags and flowers are held in front, in prayerful attitude, eyes of pupils glancing upward.)
(Exercise for eleven children. Each carries standard on which the letters are pasted in red, white and blue, and turns the letter toward the audience as the words are recited.)
General John Murray was the originator of Memorial Day in the North. While visiting in the South in the winter of 1867-’68, he noticed the touching rite of decorating soldiers’ graves with flowers by the ladies. Being very much impressed with this custom, he instituted a similar one at his own home.
On the 5th day of May, 1868, Gen. John A. Logan, who was then Commander-in-chief of the Grand Army of the Republic, established Decoration Day, and by a general order, May 30, 1868, was designated as a day set apart for the purpose of paying tribute to the memory of those brave men who died in defense of our country. The national encampment held in Washington had it incorporated in its rules and regulations, May 11, 1870. Since then, in many of the States, May 30th has been established as a holiday, and it is the universal custom to decorate the graves of all ex-soldiers, thus making it one of the most patriotic days of the year, wherein all classes unite in paying honor to our heroic dead, and feel a conscious pride in being able to thus show respect for their memory and the cause for which they fought.
(A large urn or vase is placed on a stand decorated with the national colors and a bow of black ribbon. Around the rim of the vase a beautiful wreath should be placed. The stand should be at the front of the rostrum, so the pupils may pass behind it. The pupils representing the various wars should be dressed if possible in the costumes of that day—military costumes. Beside the urn, a girl representing Liberty should stand holding a large flag at half-mast, she should dress in white and wear sash of the national colors. After reciting, each pupil stands in rear of Liberty. When coming upon the stage, each pupil salutes the flag before reciting and stands on opposite side of urn while reciting. When through, he gracefully deposits his bouquet into the urn. At close of exercise the school arises and salutes the flag and repeats the pledge.)
Liberty (Enters carrying flag and recites standing at right of urn; when through reciting casts her flowers into the urn.)
(All stand; salute flag; and repeat pledge.)
“We pledge allegiance to our flag and the republic for which it stands—one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”
To be given by ten little girls with evergreen or large printed letters hung around their necks by a black thread and adjusted to the proper height. Let the letter be turned as the child speaks.
For a little boy.
Adopted by him at the age of fifteen.
“Neither laugh, nor speak, nor listen when older people are talking together.”
“Say not anything that will hurt another, either in fun or in earnest.”
“If you say anything funny, don’t laugh at it yourself, but let others enjoy it.”
“When another person speaks, listen yourself, and try not to disturb others.”
“Obey and honor your father and mother.”
“Every action in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those present.”
“When you meet with one of greater quality than yourself, stop and retire, especially if it be at a door or any strait place, to give way for him to pass.”
“Speak not evil of the absent, for it is unjust.”
“Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though he were your enemy.”
“Be not curious to know the affairs of others; neither approach to those that speak in private.”
“Undertake not what you cannot perform, but be careful to keep your promises.”
“Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.”
The birthday of the “Father of his Country!” May it ever be freshly remembered by American hearts! May it ever re-awaken in them a filial veneration for his memory; ever rekindle the fires of patriotic regard to the country he loved so well; to which he gave his youthful vigor and his youthful energy, during the perilous period of the early Indian warfare; to which he devoted his life, in the maturity of his powers, in the field; to which again he offered the counsels of his wisdom and his experience, as President of the Convention that framed our Constitution; which he guided and directed while in the Chair of State, and for which the last prayer of his earthly supplication was offered up, when it came the moment for him so well, and so grandly, and I so calmly, to die. He was the first man of the time in which he grew. His memory is I first and most sacred in our love; and ever hereafter, till the last drop of blood shall freeze in the last American heart, his name shall be a spell of power and might.
Yes, there is one personal, one vast felicity, which no man can share with him. It was the daily beauty and towering and matchless glory of his life, which enabled him to create his country, and, at the same time, secure an undying love and regard from the whole American people. “The first in the hearts of his countrymen!” Yes, first! He has our first and most fervent love. Undoubtedly there were brave and wise and good men,[359] before his day, in every colony. But the American Nation, as a Nation, I do not reckon to have begun before 1774. And the first love of that young America was Washington. The first word she lisped was his name. Her earliest breath spoke it. It still is her proud ejaculation; and it will be the last gasp of her expiring life!
Yes, others of our great men have been appreciated—many admired by all. But him we love. Him we all love. About and around him we call up no dissentient and discordant and dissatisfied elements—no sectional prejudice nor bias,—no party, no creed, no dogma of politics. None of these shall assail him. Yes, when the storm of battle blows darkest and rages highest, the memory of Washington shall nerve every American arm, and cheer every American heart. It shall relume that Promethean fire, that sublime flame of patriotism, that devoted love of country, which his words have commended, which his example has consecrated. Well did Lord Byron write:
(Recitation for five boys; each holds in his right hand a card with date, lifting it during his recitation.)
(May be sung to “America.”)
The celebration of Arbor Day has become so common that there is a demand for a programme of public exercises for schools and academies. The following can be varied by omitting pieces or substituting others. Little flags on palm-leaf fans tacked on well, also tufts of pine, and wreaths of flowers, bouquets, etc., might aid in decoration. Let the pupils take an active part in preparation.
Proclamation of State Governor or of School Commissioner.
Arbor Day is an anniversary that looks forward with bright hope. The trees which we plant to-day, will grow into groves and forests of the future, and in their silent beauty and voiceless green will honor the hands that so tenderly planted them. Beneath them the youth yet to be may meet in social banquet, and enjoy the fruitage of our labors.
This is not a holiday; but a day especially set apart for the purpose of tree-planting, of observing more closely and studying more carefully the trees, flowers and gifts of the forest; also of cultivating a greater reverence and finer sense of the beautiful and sublime.
What object can better inspire us to gain victory over trials than the grand old oak which in bold defiance to its foes while reeling in the wrath of the tempest is sending down to deeper hold its gnarled roots only to be better able to triumph in the next storm? Our poets have used their purest thought, their sweetest music in praise of the forest and the flowers. Arbor Day provides gracious means of a closer acquaintance with “God’s first temples,” and we hope that this day’s effort may result in much good.
(Pupils stand by desks and after naming authors recite the quotations.)
(Characters.—Uncle Sam, Miss Palm, Mr. Pine, and maids for Miss Palm, and servant for Mr. Pine. The maids carry tropical fruits, and one holds either a palm leaf or a peacock fan over Miss Palm, who wears a flowing dress made of some light cheesecloth or goods without starch; also over her head an ice-wool shawl. Her face powdered white, cheeks rosy, and she should be a girl having black hair and eyes. Approaches the stage very modestly, and is always very reserved. Her dress should wear flowers and blossoms. Mr. Pine should be stately, tall and reserved, and should wear tuft of pine for button-hole bouquet. His hair might be whitened with magnesia. His attendant should carry his fur coat and leggings, etc. Uncle Sam should be dressed in customary attire. Uncle Sam first enters stage, carrying a good-sized flag. Palm carries a palm-leaf fan on which is fastened on one side a small flag, and on the other side a wreath of leaves—myrtle or the like.)
At an annual meeting of the Nebraska State Board of Agriculture, held in the city of Lincoln, January 4, 1872, Hon. J. Sterling Morton introduced the following resolution which was unanimously adopted after a short debate as to the name; some desired to call the day “Sylvan” instead of “Arbor:”
Resolved, “That Wednesday, the 10th day of April, 1872, be, and the same is hereby especially set apart and consecrated for tree planting in the State of Nebraska, and the State Board of Agriculture hereby name it Arbor Day, and urge upon the people of the State the vital importance of tree planting, and hereby offer a special premium of one hundred dollars to the agricultural society of that county in Nebraska which shall upon that day plant properly the largest number of trees; and a farm library of twenty-five dollars’ worth of books to that person, who, on that day, shall plant properly in Nebraska the greatest number of trees.”
The result was that over a million trees were planted in Nebraska on that first Arbor Day. A few years later, April 22, the birthday of Mr. Morton was set apart by the Governor as Arbor Day in that State, and now nearly all States observe Arbor Day.
(The pupils come on the stage, one at a time, and recite, showing the article about which they speak and give motions.)
1st Pupil (carrying a bunch of toothpicks).
A Toothpick is a little thing, yet it is reported that one factory uses 10,000 cords of wood annually in the production of these splints of wood.
2d Pupil (carrying a box of pegs).
Shoe pegs are small affairs; yet a single factory sends to Europe annually 40,000 bushels of pegs, besides what it sells in this country.
3d Pupil.
A spool is of small account when the thread is wound off; yet several factories use each from 1800 to 3500 cords of wood every year in making these articles. Thousands of acres of birch trees have been bought at one time by thread manufacturers, for the sole purpose of securing a supply of spools.
4th Pupil.
Who thinks much of the little friction match, as he uses it to light the lamp or fire, and then throws it away? But one factory, it is said, makes 60,000,000 of these little articles every day, and uses for this purpose 12,000 square feet of best pine lumber.
5th Pupil.
Forests affect the climate of the country; influence the rain of a country; build up a wall and protect the crops; they keep the air pure. The leaf-mold in forests holds back the rains. We draw $700,000,000 worth of products every year from the trees. No other crop equals this in value.
All in Concert.
(By small pupils standing in aisles and in imitation of trees, gestures as indicated.)
1. Half of the number imitate the swaying of trees by the blowing of wind, done by bending head and body to right and left. 2. Hands on hips, body bending forward and backward. 3. Body bending left and right. 4. Point upward with right hands. 5. Slowly extend arms. 6. Crouch as in hiding. 7. Arms extended, open hands slowly. 8. Arms extended, move fingers like fluttering leaves. 9. First imitate leaping squirrel with right hand; then with left; then with both hands. 10. Move hands to and fro with fast moving fingers. 11. Arms extended direct above head, fingers closed and eyes shut. 12. Half the number imitate the hoots while others recite. 13. Move arm full length obliquely from right side, and direct eyes upward in same direction. 14. Lift both hands slowly to full length above head in front of body, and look up.
(For a man dressed in farmer’s costume.)
(For boys and girls.)
I call upon those whom I address to stand up for the nobility of labor. It is Heaven’s great ordinance for human improvement. Let not that great ordinance be broken down. What do I say? It is broken down; and it has been broken down for ages. Let it, then, be built up again; here, if anywhere, on these shores of a new world—of a new civilization. But how, I may be asked, is it broken down? Do not men toil? it may be said. They do, indeed, toil; but they, too, generally do it because they must. Many submit to it as, in some sort, a degrading necessity; and they desire nothing so much on earth as escape from it. They fulfill the great law of labor in the letter, but break it in the spirit; fulfill it with the muscle, but break it with the mind.
To some field of labor, mental or manual, every idler should fasten, as a chosen and coveted theatre of improvement. But so is he not impelled to do, under the teachings of our imperfect civilization. On the contrary, he sits down, folds his hands, and blesses himself in his idleness. This way of thinking is the heritage of the absurd and unjust feudal system, under which serfs labored, and gentlemen spent their lives in fighting and feasting. It is time that this opprobrium of toil were done away with.
Ashamed to toil, art thou? Ashamed of thy dingy workshop and dusty labor-field; of thy hard hands, scarred with service more honorable than that of war; of thy soiled and weather-stained garments, on which Mother Nature has embroidered, ’midst sun and rain, ’midst fire and steam, her own heraldic honors? Ashamed of these tokens and titles, and envious of the flaunting robes of imbecile idleness and vanity? It is treason to nature—it is impiety to Heaven—it is breaking Heaven’s great ordinance. Toil, I repeat—toil, either of the brain, or of the heart, or of the hand, is the only true manhood, the only true nobility!
Orville Dewey.
(For a lad who holds a tall stalk of corn in left hand.)
(The following speech should be delivered by a droll boy who can keep his face straight while others do the laughing. He should act out the spirit of the piece with appropriate gestures.)
I am requested to open our performances by a salutatory address. It needs but one honest Saxon word for that—one homely pertinent word; but before I utter a pertinent word, allow me, like other great speakers, to indulge in a few impertinent words.
And first, let me ask if there is a critic among us; for this is a sort of family gathering. We allow no critics! No reporters! No interviewers! (Do I see a boy taking notes? Put him out. No! It’s a false alarm, I believe.)
Pardon me if, with the help of my mother’s eye-glass (lifts eye-glasses), I look round on your phys—phys—physiognomies. (That’s the word, I’m very certain, for I practiced on it a good half hour.) Without flattery I say it, I like your countenances—with one exception.
A critic! If there is anything I detest it is a critic. One who cannot bear a little nonsense, and who shakes his head at a little salutary (not salutatory) fun. Salutary fun? Did anybody hiss? Point him out. (Speaker folds his arms, advances, fixes his eyes on some one in the audience, and shakes his fist at him.) Yes, sir, I said salutary fun. Salutary! You needn’t put on such a grave look. Salutary! You needn’t sneer at that ep—ep—epithet. (Yes, I’m quite positive that’s the word I was drilled on. Epi—thet! That’s it.)
But I was speaking of critics. If there is any one of that tribe in this assembly—any dear friend of Cæsar—I mean any stupid friend of Pompey, no, of pomposity—to him I say—no, to you I say—Go mark him well; for him no minstrel raptures swell; despite his titles, power and pelf, the wretch (rather rough on him, that!)—the wretch, concentred all in self, living shall forfeit fair renown, and, doubly dying, shall go down to the vile dust from whence he sprung, unwept, unhonored, and unsung.
There! If any member of Congress could do it better, bring him on. Excuse me if I sop my brow. (Wiping it with handkerchief.)
But enough! Let us now put by the cap and bells. Enough of nonsense! As a great philosopher, who had been frolicking, once said: “Hush! Let us be grave! Here comes a fool.” Nothing personal, sir, in that! Let us be grave.
And so friends, relatives, ladies, and gentlemen, I shall conclude by uttering from an overflowing heart that one word to which I alluded at the beginning—that one pertinent Saxon word; that is—(flourishes his hand as if about to utter it; then suddenly puts his hand to his forehead as if trying to remember.)
Forgotten? Confusion! Not a big word either! Not half as big as some I have spoken! What—where—when—whence—what has become of it? Must I break down, after all? Must I retire in disgrace from public life? Never! I have it. Here it is! Here it is in big capitals: WELCOME!
(Suited for a young lady. She should appear very innocent at the beginning, and speak in a droll, unsuspecting voice and manner. Toward the end she should exhibit an uncontrollable delight, at the same time manifest a disposition to conceal it.)
(Suited to a boy and girl of twelve years.)
Ralph.
Good morning, Cousin Laura! I have a word to say to you.
Laura. Only a word! It is yet half an hour to school-time, and I can listen.
R. I saw you yesterday speaking to that fellow Sterling—Frank Sterling.
L. Of course I spoke to Frank. What then? Is he too good to be spoken to?
R. Far from it. You must give up his acquaintance.
L. Indeed, Cousin Ralph! I must give up his acquaintance? On what compulsion must I?
R. If you do not wish to be cut by all the boys of the academy, you must cut Frank.
L. Cut! What do you mean by cut?
R. By cutting, I mean not recognizing an individual. When a boy who knows you passes you without speaking or bowing, he cuts you.
L. I thank you for the explanation. And I am to understand that I must either give up the acquaintance of my friend Frank, or submit to the terrible mortification of being “cut” by Mr. Ralph Burton and his companions!
R. Certainly. Frank is a boy of no spirit—in short, a coward.
L. How has he shown it?
R. Why, a dozen boys have dared him to fight, and he refuses to do it.
L. And is your test of courage a willingness to fight? If so, a bull-dog is the most courageous of gentlemen.
R. I am serious, Laura; you must give him up. Why, the other day Tom Harding put a chip on a fellow’s hat, and dared Frank Sterling to knock it off. But Sterling folded[371] his arms and walked off, while we all groaned and hissed.
L. You did? You groaned and hissed? Oh, Ralph, I did not believe you had so little of the true gentleman about you!
R. What do you mean? Come, now, I do not like that.
L. Were you at the great fire last night?
R. Yes; Tom Harding and I helped work one of the engines.
L. Did you see that boy go up the ladder?
R. Yes; wouldn’t I like to be in his shoes! They say the Humane Society are going to give him a medal; for he saved a baby’s life and no mistake—at the risk of his own, too; everybody said so; for the ladder he went up was all charred and weakened, and it broke short off before he got to the ground.
L. What boy was it!
R. Nobody could find out, but I suppose the morning paper will tell us all about it.
L. I have a copy. Here’s the account; “Great fire; house tenanted by poor families; baby left in one of the upper rooms; ladder much charred; firemen too heavy to go up; boy came forward, ran up; seized an infant; descended safely; gave it into arms of frantic mother.”
R. Is the boy’s name mentioned?
L. Ay! Here it is! Here it is! And who do you think he is?
R. Do not keep me in suspense.
L. Well, then, he’s the boy who was so afraid of knocking a chip off your hat—Frank Sterling—the coward, as you called him.
R. No! Let me see the paper for myself. There’s the name, sure enough, printed in capital letters.
L. But, cousin, how much more illustrious an achievement it would have been for him to have knocked a chip off your hat! Risking his life to save a chip of a baby was a small matter compared with that. Can the gratitude of a mother for saving her baby make amends for the ignominy of being cut by Mr. Tom Harding and Mr. Ralph Burton?
R. Don’t laugh at me any more, Cousin Laura. I see I have been stupidly in the wrong. Frank Sterling is no coward. I’ll ask his pardon this very day.
L. Will you? My dear Ralph, you will in that case show that you are not without courage.
It is gratifying to all of us to know that this has never ceased to be a war of humanity. The last ship that went out of the harbor of Havana before war was declared was an American ship that had taken to the suffering people of Cuba the supplies furnished by American charity, and the first ship to sail into the harbor of Santiago was an American ship bearing food supplies to the suffering Cubans, and I am sure it is the universal prayer of American citizens that justice and humanity and civilization shall characterize the final settlement of peace, as they have distinguished the progress of the war.
My countrymen, the currents of destiny flow through the hearts of our people. Who will check them, who will divert them, who will stop them? And the movements of men, planned and designed by the Master of Men, will never be interrupted by the American people.
I witness with pride and satisfaction the cheers of the multitudes as the veterans of the civil war on both sides of the contest are reviewed. I witness with increasing pride the wild acclaim of the people as you watch the volunteers and the regulars and our naval reserves (the guardians of the people on land and sea) pass before your eyes, for I read in the faces and hearts of my countrymen the purpose to see to it that this government, with its free institutions, shall never perish from the face of the earth.
My heart is filled with gratitude to the God of battles, who has so favored us, and to the soldiers and sailors who have won such victories on land and sea and have given such a new meaning to American valor. No braver soldiers or sailors ever assembled under any flag.
Gentlemen, the American people are ready. If the Merrimac is to be sunk in the mouth of the Santiago harbor to prevent the escape of the Spanish fleet, a brave young hero is ready to do it and to succeed in what his foes have never been able to do—sink an American ship. All honor to the army and navy, without whose sacrifices we could not celebrate the victory. The flag of our country is safe in the hands of our patriots and heroes.
President McKinley.
(For a young lady who can give the Irish brogue.)
(The room should be decorated with fruits and grains of the season, among them a large pumpkin, which will be appropriate to one of the recitations.)
(May be recited by three girls; No. 1 remaining on the platform while No. 2 recites the second part, and both standing while No. 3 steps between and repeats the closing verse.)
Sir, it is an insult to our laboring classes to compare them to the debased poor of Europe. Why, sir, we of this country do not know what poverty is. We have no poor in this country, in the sense in which that word is used abroad. Every laborer, even the most humble, in the United States, soon becomes a capitalist, and even, if he choose, a proprietor of land; for the West, with all its boundless fertility, is open to him.
How can any one dare compare the mechanic of this land (whose inferiority, in any substantial particular, in intelligence, in virtue, in wealth, to the other classes of our society, I have yet to learn) with that race of outcasts, of which so terrific a picture is presented by recent writers—the poor of Europe?—a race among no inconsiderable portion of whom famine and pestilence may be said to dwell continually; many of whom are without morals, without education, without a country, without a God! and may be said to know society only by the terrors of its penal code, and to live in perpetual war with it. Poor bondmen! mocked with the name of liberty, that they may be sometimes tempted to break their chains, in order that, after a few days of starvation in idleness and dissipation, they may be driven back to their prison-house to take their shackles up again, heavier and more galling than before; severed, as it has been touchingly expressed, from nature, from the common air, and the light of the sun; knowing only by hearsay that the fields are green, that the birds sing, and that there is a perfume in flowers!
And is it with a race whom the perverse institutions of Europe have thus degraded beneath the condition of humanity that the advocates, the patrons, the protectors, of our working-men, presume to compare them? Sir, it is to treat them with a scorn at which their spirit should revolt, and does revolt.
Hugh Legare.
(For six boys. They stand in a row and each steps forward to recite his verse).
(Handsome lady, representing Ceres, surrounded by baskets or shocks of grain, wheat, corn, etc., with farmers in attitudes of gathering or binding the crops).
(For seven pupils, each of whom recites a verse, prefacing it with the name of the author.)
How the universal heart of man blesses flowers! They are wreathed round the cradle, the marriage altar, and the tomb. The Persian in the far East delights in their perfume, and writes his love in nosegays; while the Indian child of the far West clasps his hands with glee as he gathers the abundant blossoms—the illuminated scripture of the prairies. The Cupid of the ancient Hindoos tipped his arrows with flowers, and orange buds are the bridal crown with us, a nation of yesterday. Flowers garlanded the Grecian altar, and they hang in votive wreaths before the Christian shrine.
All these are appropriate uses. Flowers should deck the brow of the youthful bride, for they are in themselves a lovely type of marriage. They should twine round the tomb, for their perpetually renewed beauty is a symbol of the resurrection. They should festoon the altar, for their fragrance and their beauty ascend in perpetual worship before the Most High.
Lydia M. Child.
(For eighteen pupils, each speaking two lines.)
(To be answered by a class or the whole school.)
What is the favorite flower of the poets?
Ans. The daisy.
What English poet so loved the daisy that he lay all one day in the field to see it open in the morning and close at night?
Ans. Chaucer.
What violet, so called, really belongs to the lily family?
Ans. The dog-tooth violet.
What flower was named by the Greeks after one of their gods?
Ans. The pansy, after Pan.
About what flower was Emerson’s finest poem written?
Ans. The rhodora.
Which of the buttercups are foreigners?
Ans. The tall buttercup and the common buttercup with bulbous base.
Name some other imported flowers.
Ans. Dandelion and ox-eyed daisy.
Name two distinctly American blossoms.
Ans. Indian pipe and blood-root.
What queen adopted the daisy as her flower?
Ans. Queen Margherita of Italy.
Name one of the most brilliant of August flowers.
Ans. The cardinal flower.
What is one of the most difficult wild flowers to cultivate?
Ans. Trailing arbutus, which grows all over the United States.
What floral poem of Wordsworth’s is famous?
Ans. Daffodils.
What is the most beautiful plant of Autumn?
Ans. The golden rod.
They were right—those old German minnesingers—to sing the pleasant summer-time! What a time it is! How June stands illuminated in the calendar! The windows are all wide open; only the Venetian blinds closed. Here and there a long streak of sunshine streams in through a crevice. We hear the low sound of the wind among the trees; and, as it swells and freshens, the distant doors clap to, with a sudden sound. The trees are heavy with leaves; and the gardens full of blossoms, red and white. The whole atmosphere is laden with perfume and sunshine. The birds sing. The cock struts about, and crows loftily. Insects chirp in the grass. Yellow buttercups stud the green carpet like golden buttons, and the red blossoms of the clover like rubies.
The elm-trees reach their long, pendulous branches almost to the ground. White clouds sail aloft, and vapors fret the blue sky with silver threads. The white village gleams afar against the dark hills. Through the meadow winds the river—careless, indolent. It seems to love the country, and is in no haste to reach the sea. The bee only is at work—the hot and angry bee. All things else are at play! he never plays, and is vexed that any one should.
People drive out from town to breathe, and to be happy. Most of them have flowers in their hands; bunches of apple-blossoms, and still oftener lilacs. Ye denizens of the[381] crowded city, how pleasant to you is the change from the sultry streets to the open fields, fragrant with clover blossoms! how pleasant the fresh, breezy country air, dashed with brine from the meadows! how pleasant, above all, the flowers, the manifold beautiful flowers!
H. W. Longfellow.
(Young people march to a well known tune; each carries a bouquet, and, approaching a staff flying the Stars and Stripes, places the flowers at the base.)
Characters:
Scene I.—The breakfast-room of Mr. and Mrs. Marshall. Mr. Marshall enjoying the morning paper with his heels on the mantel.
Mrs. Marshall (in a complaining tone.)
Oh, dear, Charles, how sick and tired I am of housework! I do envy people who are able to keep help. Here I am tied up to the little hot kitchen morning till night—stewing, and baking, and frying, and scrubbing, and washing floors, till I am ready to sink! One thing over and over again. I wonder why Hood, when he wrote the “Song of the Shirt,” had not kept on and written the “Song of the Basement Story.”
Mr. M. Is it so very bad, Lily? Why, I always thought it must be nice work to cook—and washing dishes is the easiest thing in the world. All you have to do is to pour a little hot water over ’em and give ’em a flirt over with a towel.
Mrs. M. That’s all you men know about it; it is the hardest work in the world! I always hated it. I remember, when I was a little girl, I always used to be taken with a headache when mother wanted me to wash the dishes. And then she’d dose me with rhubarb. Ugh! how bitter it was; but not half so bitter as washing dishes in boiling water in a hot kitchen in the middle of August!
Mr. M. (meditatively taking his feet from the mantel.) I made a lucky sale this morning, and saved a cool three hundred. I had intended giving you a new silk, but I’ll do better—I’ll hire you a girl. How will that suit?
Mrs. M. Oh, what a darling! I would kiss you if you hadn’t been smoking, and my collar weren’t quite so fresh. I am afraid I shall muss it. But you are a good soul, Charlie; and I shall be so happy. Do you really mean it?
Mr. M. To be sure.
Mrs. M. Won’t Mrs. Fitzjones die of envy? She puts her washing out, and she’s always flinging that in my face. I guess the boot will be on the other foot now! I wonder what she’ll say when she runs in of a morning to see what I’m cooking, and finds me in the parlor hem-stitching a handkerchief, and my maid attending to things in the kitchen? But where is a girl to be had? Will you go to the intelligence office?
Mr. M. No; I don’t approve of intelligence offices. I will advertise. Bring me a pen and ink, Lily.
Mrs. M. (bringing the articles.) You won’t say that to me any more, Charles. It will be, “Biddy, my good girl, bring me the writing implements.” Won’t it be nice? Just like a novel. They always have servants, you know.
Mr. M. What, the novels?
Mrs. M. No; the people in them. Are[383] you writing the advertisement? Be sure and say that no one need apply except experienced persons. I want no green hands about my kitchen.
Mr. M. (reads from the paper what he has been writing.) “Wanted, by a quiet family, a girl to do general housework. None but those having had experience need apply. Call at No. 116 B⸺ street, between the hours of ten and two.” How will that answer?
Mrs. M. Admirably! Charles, you ought to have been an editor. You express your ideas so clearly!
Mr. M. Thank you, my dear, thank you. I believe I have some talent for expressing my meaning. But I am going down town now, and will have this advertisement inserted in the Herald, and by to-morrow you can hold yourself in readiness to receive applicants. By-bye (goes out).
Mrs. M. (alone). If it isn’t the most charming thing! Won’t the Fitzjoneses and Mrs. Smith be raving? Mrs. Smith has got a bound girl, and Mrs. Fitzjones puts out her washing; but I am to have a regular servant! I shall get a chance to practice my music now. Dear me—how red my hands are! (looks at them) I must get some cold cream for them; one’s hands show so on the white keys of a piano. I’ll go and open that piano now, and dust it. It must be dreadfully out of tune. But I’ll have it tuned as soon as ever I get that girl fairly initiated into my way of doing work (goes out).
Scene II.—Mrs. Marshall awaiting the coming of “applicants.” A furious ring at the front door bell.
Mrs. M. (peeping through the blinds). Dear me! I wonder who’s coming! A person applying for the situation of servant would not be likely to come to the front door. I can just see the edge of a blue-silk flounce, and a streamer of red ribbon on the bonnet. I’ll go and see who it is (opens the door, and a stout Irish girl, gaudily dressed, with an eye-glass, and a bonnet of enormous dimensions pushes by her, and entering the parlor, seats herself in the rocking-chair).
Mrs. M. To what am I indebted for this visit?
Irish Girl. It looks well for the like of yees to ask! It’s the leddy what’s wanting a young leddy to help in the wurrk that I’m after seeing.
Mrs. M. (with dignity). I am that person, if you please. What may I call your name?
Irish Girl. Me name’s Margaret O’Flanagan, though some people has the impudence to call me Peggy; but if ever the likes of it happens agin I’ll make the daylight shine into ’em where it never dramed of shining before. What may your name be, mum?
Mrs. M. My name is Marshall. I am in want of a servant.
Margaret. Sarvint, is it? Never a bit of a sarvint will I be for anybody! The blud of my forefathy would cry out against it. But I might have ixpected it from the appearance of yees. Shure, and I’d no other thought but ye was the chambermaid. Marshall, is it? Holy St. Patrick! why that was the name of the man that was hung in County Cork for the murthering of Dennis McMurphy, and he had a nose exactly like the one foreninst your face. (A second ring at the door. Mrs. Marshall ushers in a stolid-faced German girl, and an over-dressed colored lady. They take seats on the sofa.)
German Girl. Ish dis the place mit the woman what wants a girl in her housework that was put into de paper day pefore to-morrow.
Mrs. M. Yes, I am the woman. What is your name?
German Girl. Katrina Van Follenstein. I can do leetle of most everything. I can bake all myself, and bile, and fry; and makes sourkrout—oh, sphlendid! And I sphanks the children as well as their own mudders.
Marg. If ye’ll condescend to lave that dirty Dutchman, young leddy, I’ll be afther asking ye a few questions; and then if ye don’t shute me I can be laving. Me time is precious. Is them the best cheers in yer house?
Mrs. M. They are.
Marg. Holy Virgin! Why, mum, I’ve been used to having better cheers than them in me own room, and a sofy in me kitchen to lay me bones on when they’re took aching. Have ye got a wine cellar?
Mrs. M. (indignantly). No! We are temperance people.
Marg. Oh, botheration! Then ye’ll niver do for me, at all at all? It’s wine I must have every day to keep me stummach in tune, and if Barney O’Grath comes in of an evening I should die of mortification if I didn’t have a drop of something to trate him on. And about the peanny. It’s taking lessons I am, meself, and if it’s out of kilter, why, it must be fixed at once. I never could think of playing on a instrument that was ontuned. It might spile me voice.
Mrs. M. I want no servants in my house who are taking music lessons. I hire a girl to do my work—not to dictate to me, and sit in the parlor.
Marg. Ye don’t hire me. No mum! Not by a long walk. It’s not Margaret O’Flanagan that’ll be hosted round by an old sharp-nosed crayter like yerself, wid a mole on yer left cheek, and yer waterfall made out of other folks’ hair! The saints be blessed, me own is an illegant one—and never a dead head was robbed for to make it! ’Twas the tail of me cousin Jimmy’s red horse—rest his soul!
Mrs. M. (pointing to the door). You can leave the house, Miss O’Flanagan. You won’t suit me.
Marg. And you won’t shute me. I wouldn’t work with ye for a thousand dollars a week! It’s not low vulgar people that Margaret O’Flanagan associates with. Good-bye to ye! I pity the girl ye gets. May the saints presarve her—and not a drop of wine in the house! (Margaret goes out.)
Mrs. M. Well, Katrina, are you ready to answer a few questions?
Katrina. Yah; I is.
Mrs. M. Are you acquainted with general housework?
Kat. Nix; I never have seen that shinneral. I know Shinneral Shackson, and Shinneral Grant, but not that one to speak of!
Mrs. M. I intended to ask if you are used to doing work in the kitchen.
Kat. Yaw, I sees. Dat ish my thrade.
Mrs. M. Can you cook?
Kat. Most people, what bees shenteel, keeps a cook.
Mrs. M. I do not. I shall expect you to cook. Can you wash?
Kat. Beeples that ish in de upper-crust puts their washing out.
Mrs. M. Can you make beds, and sweep?
Kat. The dust of the fedders sthuffs up my head, what has got one leetle giutar into it. Most beeples keeps a chambermaid. Now, I wants to ask you some tings. You gits up in morning, and gits breakfast, of course? It makes mine head ache to git up early. And you’ll dust all the furnitures, and schrub the kittles, and your goot man will wash the floors and pump the water, and make the fires, and——
Mrs. M. We shall do no such thing. What an insolent wretch! You can go at once. I’ve no further use for you. You won’t suit.
Kat. (retreating). Mine krout! what a particular vomans.
Colored Lady. Wall, missis, specks here’s jest de chile for ye. What wages does you gib? and what is yer pollyticks?
Mrs. M. What is your name—what wages do you expect?
Colored Lady. My name is Snowdrop Washington, and I specks five dollars a week[385] if I do my own washing, but if it is put out to de washerwoman’s wid de rest of de tings, den I takes off a quarter. And it’s best to have a fair understanding now, in de beginning. I’m very particular about my afternoons. Tuesdays I studies my cataplasin and can’t be ’sturbed; Wednesdays I goes to see old Aunt Sally Gumbo, what’s got de spine of de back; Thursdays I allers takes a dose of lobeely for me stummuch, and has to lay abed; and Fridays I ginerally walks out wid Mr. Sambo Snow, a fren of mine—and in none of dem cases can I be ’sturbed. And I shall spect you to find gloves for me to do de work in; don’t like to sile my hands.
Mrs. M. I want to hire a girl to work—every day—and every hour in the day.
Snowdrop. The laws-a-massy! what a missis! Why, in dat case dis chile haint no better off dan wite trash! Ketch Snowdrop Washington setting in that pew! Not dis nigger. I wish you a berry lubly morning! (goes out, and a woman clad in widow’s weeds, and a little boy enter.)
Woman (in a brisk tone). Are you the person that wants to hire help? Dear me, don’t I smell onions! I detest onions! Only vulgar people eat ’em! Have your children had the measles? Because I never could think of taking Freddie where he might be exposed to that dreadful disease! Freddie, my love, put down that vase. If you should break it, you might cut yourself with the pieces. Have you a dog about the house, marm?
Mrs. M. Yes, we have.
Woman in Black. Good gracious! he must be killed then! I shouldn’t see a bit of comfort if Freddie was where there was a dog. The last words my dear lamented husband said to me were these: “Mrs. Bunker, take care of Freddie.” Bunker’s my name, marm. Have you a cow?
Mrs. M. We have not.
Mrs. Bunker. How unfortunate! Well, I suppose you can buy one. Freddie depends so much on his new milk; and so do I. How many children have you?
Mrs. M. Three.
Mrs. B. Good gracious! what a host! I hope none of them have bad tempers, or use profane language. I wouldn’t have Freddie associate with them for the world if they did. He’s a perfect cherub in temper. My darling, don’t pull the cat’s tail! she may scratch you.
Mrs. M. You need not remain any longer, Mrs. Bunker. I do not wish to employ a maid with a child.
Mrs. B. Good heavens! (indignantly). Whoever saw such a hard-hearted wretch! Object to my darling Freddie! Did I ever expect to live to see the day when the offspring of my beloved Jeremiah would be treated in this way? I’ll not stay another moment in the house with such an unfeeling monster! Come, Freddie. (Goes out. Mrs. Marshall closes the door and locks it.)
Mrs. M. Gracious! if this is the way of having a servant, I am satisfied. I’ll do my own work till the end of the chapter! There’s another ring; but I won’t answer it—not I. I’ll make believe I’m not at home. Ring away, if it’s any satisfaction to you! It doesn’t hurt me.
Clara Augusta.
Characters:
SCENE.—A room in Edward Simpson’s house. Mr. and Mrs. Simpson discovered.
Mrs. S.
Edward, I may just as well say plainly that I think we must do something to get your brother off our hands.[386] He has been here now over two weeks, and he stays and stays just as if this was his home, and as if he hadn’t the slightest idea of ever going away.
Mr. S. You are quite right, wife; we must get him away. I thought it possible, when he came here, that he had plenty of money; but that idea has vanished entirely. If he had money, he would not go around so shabbily dressed. He had the audacity to hint to me yesterday that I might buy him a new coat; just as if I hadn’t enough to do to buy new coats for myself and my children.
Mrs. S. Oh! the impudence of some people! I am sure we have done very well in keeping him these two weeks, and not charging him a cent for his boarding. And now he wants a new coat, does he? I wonder he didn’t ask for a full suit; he certainly has need of it; but he needn’t expect to get it here. But are you sure, Edward, that he didn’t bring any money home with him?
Mr. S. Yes, quite sure. I didn’t say anything to him about it, but John was never the man to go in rags if he had any money in his pocket. He has been away for fifteen years, you know, and he might have made plenty of money in that time; but it is my impression, that if he did make anything, he spent it all before he started for home.
Mrs. S. Well, what are we to do with him?
Mr. S. Send him to the poor-house, I suppose. I don’t quite like to do that, either; for people will talk, and they will say that I ought to have kept him in his old days.
Mrs. S. Let them talk. It’s nobody’s business but our own, and it will all blow over in a week or two. Of course we can’t have him on our hands as long as he lives, merely because the neighbors will talk a little about our sending him to the poor-house.
Mr. S. No, of course not. Here he comes now; we must inform him of our decision.
Enter John Simpson, shabbily dressed.
Mr. S. John, we have been talking about you.
John. So I supposed. I thought I heard my name mentioned. You were considering that matter about the coat, were you? I hope you will think favorably of it.
Mrs. S. (bridling up.) No, sir; we were not thinking of buying you a coat, but we were speaking of your audacity in making such a request.
John. Ah! were you? Don’t you see I am old now, and dreadfully crippled with rheumatism? And, of course I am not able to work to buy myself clothes. If my brother will not take care of me now, who will?
Mrs. S. That’s just what we are going to talk about.
Mr. S. Wife, allow me to speak to John about the matter. (To John.) It may sound a little harsh and unpleasant, but we have come to the conclusion that we cannot keep you any longer. You know that we are not very well off in this world’s goods; we have not much house-room, and we have three children that demand our attention. We have kept you two weeks and we think we have done very well. We feel that you would be considerably in our road here, and we have concluded to send you to the poor-house.
John. The poor-house! I always did hate the poor-house. It must be so lonesome there; and then, I don’t think the boarding will be good. Must I go to the poor-house?
Mr. S. Yes, we have decided. We cannot keep you.
John. I thought, when I was away, that if I could only get home again, I would find my brother willing to take me under his roof, and allow me to end my days there. But I was mistaken. When must I go?
Mr. S. I will have the papers made out, and be ready to take you to-morrow afternoon.
John. Send for Eliza Jones and her husband.[387] They will not want to keep me either, I suppose—how can I expect them, when they are a great deal poorer than you? But send for them. I want to see them, and say good-bye, before I go away.
Mrs. S. Emeline, tell Parker to run across Jones’ for his Uncle Martin and Aunt Eliza.
[Exit Mrs. S.
John. If they do not treat me well at the poor-house, what shall I do? Cut stick and run off, or sue them for breach of promise?
Mr. S. (aside.) It seems to me, he takes it exceedingly cool. But it is better he should do so, than to make a noise about it. (To John.) I think you will be well treated. The Superintendent is very kind to all under his care, and is considered a perfect gentleman.
John. A gentleman! I’m glad of that. (Sarcastically.) Ah! Edward, it is a great thing to be a gentleman.
Mr. S. I am glad you are willing to go without making any fuss about it. You know people will talk; and they would talk a great deal more, if you should be opposed to going. I hope you will not think unkindly of us, because we have concluded to take this step; you see that we can not well keep you here; and as you are getting old, and are greatly afflicted with rheumatism, you will be better attended to there than you could be here.
John. Yes, yes, I understand. Don’t fret about me, Edward. I suppose it isn’t much difference where I live, and where I end my days. But, Edward, I think I would not have treated you so. However, one hardly knows what one will do when one comes to the pinch. If I had brought home a market-basket full of ninety-dollar gold pieces, perhaps I would not have taken up so much room in your house, nor crowded your children so dreadfully.
Enter Mrs. Simpson, and Mr. and Mrs. Jones.
Mrs. J. (running to John.) O John, my brother, they want to send you to the poor-house! You shall not go! you shall not go!
Mr. J. No, John, you shall not go. While we have a crust of bread, you shall share it with us.
John. But I never did like to eat crusts.
Mrs. S. That’s him, for you! He doesn’t want to pay anything for his board, but he wants to have the best.
John. And he doesn’t like to eat dirt.
Mrs. S. Do you mean to say I am a dirty cook?
John (whistles “Yankee Doodle.”) Come, if I am to go to the poor-house, let me be off.
Mrs. J. You shall not go. We are poor, but you shall stay with us. We can find room for you, and we will be provided for, I’ll warrant, some way.
Mrs. S. People oughtn’t to be rash about taking on a load they can’t carry.
Mr. S. Emeline, if Martin and Eliza want to keep John, let them do so; don’t say a word. Of course, I think they have quite enough to do to keep their own heads above water; but if they want to keep John, it is their own business.
John. Yes, it is their own business; and if they were on the point of sinking, would you raise a finger to keep their heads above water? No! Edward.—I cannot call you brother,—I know you now. I leave your house to-day, but I do not go to the poor-house. I have money enough to buy and keep a hundred such little farms as yours, and a hundred such little men. I do not need your coats nor your cringing sympathies; I wanted to know what kind of a man you were, and I know. When I came home, I determined to find out, in some way, whether you or the Jones family were most deserving of my money. I have found that out; and I go with them, to make my home there.
Mrs. S. But we didn’t know——
John. Ay, I know it. You thought I was[388] a beggar; you thought I had no money and no clothes. If you had believed otherwise, you would have received me with open arms. Come (to Mr. and Mrs. Jones), we will go. I shall not forget you for your kindness. I will make my home with you; and if it is true that you have hard enough work to keep your heads above water it shall be so no longer. (To Mr. and Mrs. Simpson.) I had almost forgotten. Here are twenty dollars, for my two weeks’ board (throwing down the bills). You see that although I may have a shabby appearance, I am yet able to pay my way in the world. Good-day, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson.
(Exit John Simpson, and Mr. and Mrs. Jones.)
Mrs. S. Isn’t this dreadful! (Rushes out at one side of the stage.)
Mr. S. Confound the luck! (Rushes out at the other side of the stage.)
[Curtain falls.
H. Elliot McBride.
Characters:
Aunt.
Now, Beth, this is the Sabbath day, and—
Niece. How do you know it is?
A. It is wrong to play to-day, Beth—
N. Wrong to play what?
A. Anything.
N. Tain’t wrong to play Sunday-school. Didn’t you wish dat Carlo was me when you was whippin’ him, jest now, Aunt Dora?
A. Beth, I’ll tell you a beautiful story, the tender story of Joseph.
N. Joseph who?
A. He had no other name.
N. Well, dat’s funny.
A. Joseph was the son of a good old man, named Jacob—
N. I knows him, he saws our wood, an’ he’s dot a wooden leg! What was his last name?
A. I don’t know, dear.
N. Well, dat’s ze same man. Our Jacob he ain’t dot no ozzer name, either: des Jacob, old Jacob.
A. This good old man had twelve sons.
N. Any little girls?
A. Only one.
N. Huh! I dess she was mighty sorry wiz such a houseful of boys an’ no little sister.
A. Well, Jacob loved this son very much—
N. How much?
A. Oh, ever so much; more than he could tell.
N. Ten hundred thousand bushels?
A. Yes, and more than that. He bought him a new coat—
N. May Crawford’s dot a new dress, dray and blue, an’ pearl buttons on it, an’ a new parasol, and I’m doing to have some new button shoes as twick as I can kick zese ones out.
A. His father bought him a new coat, a beautiful coat of many colors—
N. Oh, ho! des like a bed quilt.
A. And Joseph was very proud of this pretty coat—
N. Huh! I bet you ze boys frowed stones an’ hollered at him if he wored it to school!
A. But his brothers, all of his older brothers, who—
N. Did he wear it to school, Aunt Dora?
A. No, I don’t think he did.
N. I dess he was afraid, and kept it for a Sunday coat. Did he wear it to Sunday school?
A. He didn’t go to one.
N. Den he was a heathen.
A. No, Joseph wasn’t a heathen.
N. Den he was a bad boy.
A. No, indeed; Joseph was a good boy—
N. Den why didn’t he go to Sunday-school?
A. No matter. But all his brothers hated him because his father loved him the best and—
N. I spect he always dot the biggest piece of pie.
A. And so they wanted to get rid of him, because—
N. Den why didn’t zey send him out in the kitchen to talk with Jenny? Dat’s what my ma’am does.
A. And they hated him all the more because one night, Joseph had a dream—
N. Oo-oo! I dreamed dot ze big Bible on ze parlor had five long legs and a mouf full of sharp teeth, an’ it climbed onto my bed and drowled at me ’cause I bit ze wax apple an’ tied gran’pa’s wig onto Carlo’s head last Sunday! Oh, I was so scared an’ I hollered an’ ma’am said she dessed I had ze nightmare.
A. Well, one day Joseph’s father sent him away to see how his brothers were getting along—
N. Why didn’t he write ’em a letter?
A. And when they saw Joseph coming they said—
N. Did he ride in ze cars?
A. No, he walked. And when his brothers saw him coming—
N. I dess they fought he was a tramp. I bet you Carlo would have bited his legs if he’d been zere.
A. No, they knew who he was, but they were bad, cruel, wicked men, and they took poor Joseph, who was so good, and who loved them all so well—
N. I see a boy climbing our fence! I dess he’s goin’ to steal our apples. Let’s go sic Carlo on him.
A. Poor Joseph, who was only a boy, just a little boy, who never did any one any harm; these great rough men seized him with fierce looks and angry words, and they were going to kill the frightened, helpless little youth, who cried and begged them so piteously not to hurt him; going to kill their own little brother—
N. Nellie Taylor has a little brother Jim, an’ she says she wishes somebody would kill him when he tears off her doll’s legs an’ frows her kittens in ze cistern.
A. But Joseph’s oldest brother pitied the little boy when he cried—
N. I dess he wanted some cake; I cry when I want cake, an’ mamma dives me some.
A. And as he wouldn’t let them kill him, they found a pit—
N. I like peach pits, an’ I know where I can find a great lot of ’em now. Come along.
A. No, let’s finish the story first. These bad men put Joseph in the pit—
N. Why—Aunt—Dora! What is you talking about?
A. About those cruel men who put Joseph into the pit—
N. I dess you mean zey put the pit into Joseph.
A. So there the poor little boy was, all alone in this deep, dark hole—
N. Why didn’t he climb out?
A. Because he couldn’t. The sides of the pit were rough, and it was very deep, deep as a well—
N. Ding-dong-dell, cat’s in ’e well; oh auntie, I know a nice story, ’bout a boy that felled into a cistern and climbed out on a ladder.
A. Poor Joseph was sitting in this pit—
N. Did he have a chair?
A. No, he was sitting on the ground, wishing—
N. I wish I was a bumble bee an’ could stand on my head like a boy, an’ have all ze honey I could eat.
A. But while Joseph was in the dark pit, frightened and crying all alone—
N. I bet he was afraid of ghosts!
A. While he was wondering if his cruel brothers were going to leave him in the dark pit, some merchants came along, and Joseph’s brothers took him out of the pit and sold him for a slave. Just think of it. Sold their little brother to be a slave in a country far away from his home, where he would have to work hard and where his cruel master would beat him; where—
N. What did zey get for him, Aunt Dora?
A. Twenty pieces of silver, and now—
N. Hump, dat was pitty cheap, but, I spec’ it was all that he was worth.
(Dialogue for two boys.)
Harry. (Enters room, tossing his hat on table where Roy sits studying.) “I tell you, Roy, I’m sorry for Harold Belmont!”
Roy. “Sorry for Harold Belmont! Why, I’d like to know? His father is the richest man in town. You know father has been working for him ever since we were born.”
Harry. “Yes, I know; but Harold don’t have half the nice times we do.”
Roy. “Well, I like that. Don’t he wear nicer clothes every day than we ever had for Sunday?”
Harry. “Yes, but they’re so nice his mother won’t let him roll on the grass, or go wading in the pond, or anything.”
Roy. “Well, did you ever notice what nice lemon pie and frosted cake he has in his lunch basket?”
Harry. “Yes, but he often wants to trade lunches with me.”
Roy. “But, Harry, he’s got a bicycle!”
Harry. “He told me yesterday that he would rather have a dog like our Rover that he could drive to a little wagon like ours.”
Roy. “But only think, Harry, of the hundreds and hundreds of books in his father’s library that he can read as much as he pleases! Why, if I had them, I’d be the happiest boy in the State. I wouldn’t waste a minute. I know just what books I’d read first—Dickens’ Child’s History of England, and—”
Harry. “O yes, Roy, but then he doesn’t care for books, like you, nor to be a carpenter, as I mean to be. He wants to be a farmer, and he says his father don’t mean to let him—wants Harold to be a banker, like himself; but those are not the things I was thinking of when I said I was sorry for him.”
Roy. “What was it?”
Harry. “Why, you know I made a little bird-house out of that cracker-box mother gave me; just a common little bird-house, without any paint or nice things about it, and set it up on a pole in the garden—”
Roy. “Yes, I know, and two families of blue-birds are living in it. What else?”
Harry. “Well, Harold begged his father to let him have a bird-house, and so Mr. Belmont got a man to make one—oh, a little beauty!—just like a little Swiss chalet, with porches and gables, and all painted so nicely, white with green trimmings and a dark brown roof, and the pole is striped red, white and blue, and they put it close to the big maple tree on the lawn. Oh, it was so nice I was almost ashamed of my poor little unpainted house—only the birds were building in it then, and it made me glad to see them so busy and happy. Harold was happy, too. He sat by the window for hours, watching for the birds to come to his house. But, Roy, none ever came! They were afraid of that beautiful house. I guess they thought it was a trap. Harold don’t sit by the window to watch it any more; that’s why I’m sorry for him.”
Roy. “Well, that is too bad; but I don’t[391] know that we can help him. You couldn’t give him your little house, because it isn’t fine enough for his father’s lawn; besides, the blue-birds might object to moving.”
Harry. “Of course; but, Roy, don’t you believe he’d like to come over here and watch our birds feed their little ones? I never get tired of seeing them.”
Roy. “He might. Let’s go and ask him.”
(Both boys take their hats and pass out.)
Mrs. Adrian Kraal.
AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT MATTER.
Scene.—An office with a desk or table on which are an inkstand, a pile of ledgers and some extra sheets of paper. Mr. Pinchem, with gray wig and whiskers and spectacles sits in his office busily engaged in figuring up his accounts. He does not look up from his paper, but keeps on figuring while his clerk enters and takes a seat near the table in such a position as to both face the audience.
Clerk.
Mr. Pinchem, I—I—
Mr. Pinchem. Have you got those goods off for Kalamazoo?
Clerk. Yes, sir, they are off. Mr. Pinchem, I—
Mr. P. And about that order for starch?
Clerk. That has been attended to, sir. Mr. Pinchem—
Mr. P. And that invoice of tea?
Clerk. That’s all right, sir. Mr. Pinchem, I have—
Mr. P. And that cargo of sugar?
Clerk. Taken care of as you directed, sir. Mr. Pinchem, I have long—
Mr. P. What about Bush & Bell’s consignment?
Clerk. Received in good order, sir. Mr. Pinchem, I have long wanted—
Mr. P. And that shipment to Buffalo?
Clerk. All right, sir. Mr. Pinchem, I have long wanted to speak to you—
Mr. P. Ah! speak to me? Why, I thought you spoke to me fifty times a day.
Clerk. Yes, sir, I know, but this is a private matter.
Mr. P. Private? Oh! Ah! Wait till I see how much we made on the last ten thousand pounds of soap—Six times four are twenty-four; six times two are twelve and two to carry make fourteen; six times nought are nothing and one to carry makes one; six times five are thirty; seven times four—ah! well go ahead, I’ll finish this afterwards.
Clerk. Mr. Pinchem, I have been with you ten long years.—
Mr. P. Ten, eh! Long years, eh! any longer than any others years? Go ahead.
Clerk. And I have always tried to do my duty.
Mr. P. Have, eh? Go on.
Clerk. And I now make bold—
Mr. P. Hold on! What is there bold about it? But never mind, I’ll hear you out.
Clerk. Mr. Pinchem I want to ask—ask—I want to ask—
Mr. P. Well, why don’t you ask, then? I don’t see why you don’t ask if you want to.
Clerk. Mr. Pinchem I want to ask you for—for—
Mr. P. You want to ask me for the hand of my daughter. Ah! why didn’t you speak right out? She’s yours, my boy, take her and be happy. You might have had her two years ago if you had mentioned it. Go along, now, I’m busy. Seven times six are forty-two, seven times five are thirty-five and four are thirty-nine, seven times eight—
Clerk. Mr. Pinchem—
Mr. P. What! You here yet? Well, what is it?
Clerk. I want to ask you for—
Mr. P. Didn’t I give her to you, you rascal!
Clerk. Yes, but what I wanted to ask you for was not the hand of your daughter, but a raise of salary.
Mr. P. Oh! that was it, eh? Well, sir, that is an entirely different matter, and it requires time for serious thought and earnest deliberation. Return to your work. I’ll think about it, and some time next fall I’ll see about giving you a raise of a dollar or so a week. Seven times eight are fifty-six and three are fifty-nine—
Scene.—The Street. Mrs. Pry, Mrs. Search and Mrs. Quick, meeting.
Mrs. Pry.
Have you heard any news, neighbor Search?
Mrs. Search. News? no. I am dying to hear some. I have not heard a word since last night, and it is now almost noon.
Mrs. Quick. I have heard a piece of news as I came along, and you will hardly believe it, though I received it from a person of veracity, who was knowing to the fact, and therefore could not mistake.
Mrs. S. Pray let us have it. I hope it is nothing short of an elopement.
Mrs. P. I hope it is a murder, or, at least, a suicide. We have not had any news worth mentioning these two months.
Mrs. Q. It is neither an elopement nor a murder, but you may think it something akin to the latter. The truth is, there is a woman down in the village, and they will not allow her to be buried.
Mrs. S. You don’t say so?
Mrs. Q. I do. The coroner has positively refused to bury her.
Mrs. P. Do tell! What could the poor creature have done to be denied Christian burial?
Mrs. Q. I do not know what the offense was, but they say he has his reasons, and buried she shall not be.
Mrs. P. Where is she lying? I must go and inquire into it. Bless me, Mrs. Search, how could this happen and we not hear of it?
Mrs. S. Did you hear her name, Mrs. Quick? That may give us a clue to the mystery.
Mrs. Q. I did not learn her name, though, if I forget not, it began with a G, or some such letter. But I have a little errand up the street, and must leave you. In the meantime as we know so little of the circumstances, it will be prudent not to repeat what I have told you. Good morning. (She goes out).
Mrs. P. Did you ever hear anything so strange? One of two things is certain, she has either killed herself or been killed, and is reserved for examination.
Mrs. S. I don’t understand it so. Mrs. Quick seemed to insinuate that she had been lying a long time, and was not to be buried at all. But here comes Mrs. Gossip, and perhaps she can tell us all about it, as she comes fresh from the village.
Enter Mrs. Gossip.
Mrs. P. Good morning, Mrs. Gossip.
Mrs. Gossip. Good morning, Mrs. Pry. How do you do, Mrs. Search?
Mrs. S. Pretty well, I thank you. How do you do?
Mrs. G. Indifferent, I’m much obliged to you. I’ve had a touch of hydrophoby, I believe they call it or something else.
Mrs. P. (to Mrs. Search aside). No new complaint. She always hated cold water. (aloud) How did the dreadful disease affect you, Mrs. G.? What dog bit you?
Mrs. G. Dog! what do you mean by a dog? The disease began with a cold in my head, and a sore throat, and—
Mrs. S. Oh, it was the influenza.
Mrs. G. So it was; I knew it was some outlandish name, and they all sound alike to me. For my part, I wish there was no foreign words.
Mrs. P. Mrs. Gossip, did you hear the particulars of the dreadful news in the village?
Mrs. G. No. What dreadful news? I have not heard nothing, good, bad, or indifferent.
Mrs. P. What! haven’t you heard of the woman in the village that they won’t bury?
Mrs. G. Not a word. Who is she? What’s her name?
Mrs. S. Her name begins with G, and as that begins your name, I hoped you would know something about it.
Mrs. G. Bless me! I never heard a syllable of it! Why don’t they bury the poor thing? I couldn’t refuse to bury even a dog.
Mrs. P. There is a suspicion of murder or suicide in the case.
Mrs. G. Well, they hang murderers and suicides, don’t they? What can be the matter? There is something very mysterious about it!
Mrs. S. I am dying to know all about it. Come, let’s all go down to the village, and probe the matter to the bottom. I dearly love to get hold of a mystery.
Mrs. P. I say, let us all go, and here is Mrs. Quick coming back. She will go with us, for she told us the news, and she is dying to learn the particulars.
Re-enter Mrs. Quick.
Mrs. Quick. Good morning again, ladies.
All. Good morning.
Mrs. G. What was the matter with that air woman that they won’t bury in the village?
Mrs. Q. Nothing is the matter with her.
Mrs. G. Then, in marcy’s name, why don’t they bury her?
Mrs. Q. I know of but one reason, but that is a very important one.
Mrs. P. We did not know you knew the reason they wouldn’t bury her. Why did you not tell us what it was?
Mrs. Q. You did not ask me, and, besides, it is somewhat of a secret.
Mrs. S. You need not fear our disclosing it. Pray let us have it.
Mrs. P. Pray do. I am bursting with curiosity.
Mrs. G. And I too. Mrs. Quick, you say there is but one reason why they will not bury the woman, and pray what is that?
Mrs. P. What is it?
Mrs. S. Yes, what is it?
All (earnestly). What is it?
Mrs. Q. She is not dead!
(For two males and one female.)
Scene.—Lawyer’s office. Lawyer Porter sitting at desk writing. Knock at door.
(Enter Farmer Hanks in rustic attire, looking hesitatingly around.)
Farmer Hanks.
Be you the divorce man?
Lawyer Porter. (Smiling.) Well, I don’t exactly know that my vocation lies particularly in that direction, but I have been known to undertake such cases. Are you in trouble?
Far. H. I should rather say so! It’s come to jest this ’ere climax that I can’t stand it nohow, not another day; an’ ef you can’t git me unspliced, I’ll hev to find some one who can.
Law. P. What are your grounds for complaint?
Far. H. Grounds! Ordinary grounds wouldn’t hold ’em! I’ve a hull farm full!
Law. P. One or two are just as efficient in procuring a divorce as a hundred, providing the offence is grave enough. Your wife now, for instance; I suppose she hasn’t fallen in love with another man?
Far. H. Haw-haw! That’s a good ’un! Betsey in love with another feller! Wal, hardly, mister! Betsey isn’t no fool. You can bet high on that!
Law. P. Of course that was a suppositional case, merely. Is she a scandal-monger?
Far. H. Scandal-monger? Not much; ef ever a woman knew how to hold her tongue when other folks’s is a-waggin’, that’s Betsey every time.
Law. P. Cruel to her children, possibly?
Far. H. I swow, I’ll begin to take you fer the fool, mister. Our children is growed up an’ in homes of the’r own, years back; an’ ez fer gran’children, ef ever an old woman made an idjit of herself over babies, it’s Betsey with them thar youngsters. She jest sp’iles them no end, an’ thar’s nobudy they sets such store by as gran’ma. You hain’t on the right track, by long odds.
Law. P. Evidently not. Suppose now, as my time is valuable, we reverse the case, and you enlighten me as to the cause of your unhappiness, instead of my wasting the minutes in making conjectures? Perhaps incompatibility of temper may cover the ground.
Far. H. In—com—what kind of temper? You beat me with them long words o’ yourn; but, mebbe you’ve struck it, this time. Thar’s no use talking, but Betsey’s that aggervatin’, she riles me so it seems like as though I’d bu’st! Ef she’d ever say a word I could stand it; but she’s that mum you can’t get a word out o’ her edgewise; you’d say, for sartain, thet she’d b’en born deaf, an’ without a tongue in her mouth.
Law. H. A woman and dumb? Ye gods! This is a reversal of the laws of nature with a vengeance! Do you mean for me to understand that your wife never speaks? How can she conduct her household?
Far. H. Oh, she’s chipper enough when things goes to suit; but when I’m r’iled, an’ dyin’ to see the fur fly—to hev it out with some one—then she’s mummer than the side o’ a house; ye couldn’t git a word out o’ her then with a pair o’ oxen! Ef she’d only spit it out, too, an’ hev a good out en out settlin’ o’ matters, ’twould clear the air like a thunder-storm; but thet’s exactly whar the pinch comes. I might r’are an’ tear, an’ pull the house down over our heads, fer all the good ’twould do—thet woman would set as calm es a cucumber, or go about her chores, an’ you’d never guess she knew I was within a hundred miles o’ her! Either she hain’t got an atom o’ sense in her git up, or else she’s too dumb to show it at sech times. It’s enough to drive a man into fits, an’ I can’t go it no longer. It’s either her or me that’s got to git out! I’m willin’ to do my duty to the letter, an’ give her a share in the old farm. I wouldn’t see her want for nothin’, fer in spite o’ her tongue—
Law. P. I rather think you mean her want of tongue!
Far. H. Jest so! There isn’t a kinder or willin’er woman in the section.
Law. P. Suppose, now, that we sum up: your wife, according to your statements, is a good, pure woman—
Far. H. That she is, lawyer! I’d like to hear any one say a thing against Betsey’s character! I’d choke the life out ov him!
Law. P. Fond of her children and grandchildren; don’t gossip; domestic in her tastes—Does she keep your house in order, your clothes mended, your wants all attended to, and give you your meals on time!
Far. H. Why, of course! Thet’s what a wife’s fer, isn’t she? What a question to ax!
Law. P. You acknowledge all this. Now, supposing, on the contrary, that your wife was a shrew.
Far. H. (Bewildered.) A which?
Law. P. A cross, scolding woman; a woman who left her own fireside to gossip and make scandal among her neighbors; who neglected her home; who got your meals at all or no times and let you look out for yourself; who abused the little children around her; who—
Far. H. Stop, mister! Betsey couldn’t do none o’ them things. Why, you’d make her out a pretty sort o’ critter for me to hev been livin’ with these forty years!
Law. P. No, Betsey couldn’t do all or any of these things. From your own story you have a saint instead of an ordinary woman for a wife; a being who knows that essence of all true happiness—how to hold her tongue; who, instead of lowering herself to petty quarrels and commonplace bickerings, keeps her temper within bounds while you are purposely doing all you possibly can to aggravate her—to make her dislike you—to—
Far. H. (Shamefacedly.) Sho! You air trying to make out a purty strong case against me, ain’t you now? I never looked at it in jest that light before, an’ you can’t tell how a few words now an’ then would splice up things in general.
Law. P. If your wife were to come to me and demand a divorce, after what you have told me, I should be strongly tempted to take up her case.
Far. H. Betsey git a divorce from me! Thet’s the best yet! Well, I should as soon think o’ the sky falling. (Knock at door, voice outside asking if Lawyer Porter is in.) I’ll be everlastin’ly simmered, ef thet don’t sound like Betsey’s voice this actual minute! Whar’ll I go? I don’t want to be found around these parts; but, what in the name o’ conscience kin she want with you, now? (Glares, at the lawyer, who takes him by the shoulder and leads him up to closet door or behind a screen.)
Law. P. Step into this cover, and be quick about it. You’ll soon ascertain what your wife wants of me. And remember, this is a private interview which you are not to interrupt (Farmer Hanks disappears, and the lawyer goes to door.)
(Enter Mrs Hanks, hesitatingly.)
Law. P. Good morning, madame! What can I do for you? Let me give you a chair. (Seats her with back to closet or screen. Farmer H. pokes his head out.)
Far. H. I’ll be durned but it is Betsey! (Comes half out into room, but Lawyer P. scowls and motions him back. Mrs. Hanks sits silent.)
Law. P. (Kindly.) Well, madame, you want—
Mrs. Hanks. (In a half whisper.) I want, or I guess I want a bill of divorce. (Farmer Hanks’s face pops out again, with an expression of bewilderment and horror upon it.)
Law. P. Your husband is addicted to the excessive use of liquor, maybe? (Farmer H. shakes his fist at the lawyer.)
Mrs. H. Good gracious, no! Samuel never took too much liquor in his life, to my knowledge.
Law. P. Then, perhaps, he is violent, and cruel to you and the children?
Mrs. H. Mercy, no! Whatever made you think of sech a thing! Samuel wouldn’t hurt a fly; he’s the softest-hearted man in the world; it isn’t that—it’s only—only—
Law. P. Well, you must try to tell me your difficulty, or I will be unable to help you.
Mrs. H. (Bursting into tears.) It’s so hard to tell, yet it’s so hard to bear. It seems jest as if I’d go wild ef I had it to stand another day. Yet except fer this one thing Samuel’s[396] the best husband a woman could ask fer. He is perfect temperate in all his habits, liberal an’ open-handed as the day is long, an’ as kind an’ considerate as any one could wish fer. (Farmer H. looks out at the lawyer exultingly.) But—but—
Law. P. But what?
Mrs. H. Oh, those dreadful tantrums of his’n! They come on without any apparent reason at all, an’ he’s like to a crazy man.
Law. P. And you oppose him and aggravate him when he gets in these moods, possibly?
Mrs. H. (Sadly.) Oh, no! What good would that do? or rather, what harm wouldn’t it do? I jest stand them as best I may, an’ pray the Good Power above for strength to hold my tongue, an’ bear the affliction which he has seen fit to visit me with. (Farmer H. looks out again with an incredulous, shamefaced expression, and seems about to speak, but the lawyer motions him back.)
Law. P. And you say absolutely nothing?
Mrs. H. I never hev given way to my tongue yet; ef I once should, or to the feelin’ that he rouses in me at sech times, I almost think I should strike him. (Farmer H. again advances, but is motioned back.)
Law. P. Wouldn’t that serve him right?
Mrs. H. (Surprised.) Strike Samuel? I’d never forgive myself ef I did. Yet, it is so hard; you can’t tell! It really seems as ef the harder I tried to hold my tongue an’ keep the peace, the worse he got, until sometimes I ’most think he’d like to kill me!
Law. P. Oh, surely not! His wicked temper would not, or could not, carry itself to such an extent against such an angel of peace. But, I cannot find words to express my opinion of such a brute. I cannot find strong enough terms to convey my condemnation. A man who will seek willfully to quarrel with a wife who is gentleness and meekness itself, to say nothing of the other cardinal virtues, is a selfish heartless piece of humanity, unworthy of the name of man, and deserves nothing better than the public whipping-post, which, unhappily—
Mrs. H. Stop! I will not allow you to speak of Samuel in such a manner! He may hev his little faults as all men do—
Far. H. (Rushing out). Yes, let him say every durned thing he kin of me, Betsey! I deserve it all, an’ a hundred times more—(Mrs. Hanks gives a scream and almost sinks to the floor, but her husband catches her)—when I think of what a howlin’ idjit I’ve b’en all these years. The whippin’-post ain’t half severe enough.
Mrs. H. Oh, you never was that, Samuel!
Far. H. Yes I was, an’ be, up to this very minute; but I be goin’ to make a clean breast of it or bu’st. Here I hev b’en thinkin’ an’ sayin’ that you didn’t quarrel with me nor answer me back, because ye didn’t know enough—
Mrs. H. Oh, Samuel, how could you?
Far. H. An’ thet you was a perfect fool, with no spunk in ye, an’ here you’ve b’en with the spunk all bottled up, an’ never darin’ to let her loose for fear o’ makin’ me wuss, an’ doin’ wrong yourself! Oh! I’m the wickedest kind of a sinner, Betsey. (Groans). I don’t wonder you want to git a bill ag’inst me; an’ this here lawyer’ll be sure to git ye one, as he sees you deserve it fast enough, an’ I don’t blame neither o’ ye.
Mrs. H. But I don’t want it, Samuel. Now you see jest how it is, an’ that I never allowed to r’ile you, I’m sure ’twill all be right. (Turning to Lawyer P). An’ you won’t let what I’ve said turn you ag’inst him, will you? You can see for yourself that he never could hev meant it.
Law. P. And he never was such a man as he proves at this very time when he humbles himself to confess how wrong he has been, and acknowledges the true worth of his devoted[397] wife whom he has so long misjudged or misunderstood.
Far. H. You’re right thar, Lawyer Porter. I can’t find the words to tell what a blamed fool I’ve been; yet, ef you’ll believe it, I feel lighter o’ heart this blessed minute than I hev in a month o’ Sundays before. An’ to think that an hour ago I was actually hankerin’ after a bill ag’in ye, Betsey! I don’t desarve ye should forgive me, like this, but I give ye my word o’ honor that the next time a tantrum strikes me I’ll hev it out down in the meddar with that old Jersey bull o’ mine.
(Curtain falls.)
Characters:
Scene.—A house in the country. Mrs. Touchwood at a wash-tub hard at work.
Enter Inquisitor.
Inquisitor.
Good morning, madam. Is the head of the family at home?
Mrs. Touchwood. Yes, sir, I’m at home.
Inq. Haven’t you a husband?
Mrs. T. Yes, sir, but he ain’t the head of the family, I’d have you to know.
Inq. How many persons have you in your family?
Mrs. T. Why, bless me, sir, what’s that to you? You’re mighty inquisitive, I think.
Inq. I’m the man that takes the census.
Mrs. T. If you was a man in your senses you wouldn’t ask such impertinent questions.
Inq. Don’t be offended, old lady, but answer my questions as I ask them.
Mrs. T. “Answer a fool according to his folly!”—you know what the Scripture says. Old lady, indeed!
Inq. Beg your pardon, madam; but I don’t care about hearing Scripture just at this moment I’m bound to go according to law and not according to gospel.
Mrs. T. I should think you went neither according to law nor gospel. What business is it to you to inquire into folks’ affairs, Mr. Thingumbob?
Inq. The law makes it my business, good woman, and if you don’t want to expose yourself to its penalties, you must answer my questions.
Mrs. T. Oh, it’s the law, is it? That alters the case. But I should like to know what the law has to do with other people’s household matters?
Inq. Why, Congress made the law, and if it don’t please you, you must talk to them about it.
Mrs. T. Talk to a fiddle-stick! Why, Congress is a fool, and you’re another.
Inq. Now, good lady, you’re a fine, good-looking woman; if you’ll give me a few civil answers I’ll thank you. What I wish to know first is, how many are there in your family?
Mrs. T. Let me see [counting on her fingers]; there’s I and my husband is one——
Inq. Two, you mean.
Mrs. T. Don’t put me out, now, Mr. Thinkummy. There’s I and my husband is one——
Inq. Are you always one?
Mrs. T. What’s that to you, I should like to know. But I tell you, if you don’t leave off interrupting me I won’t say another word.
Inq. Well, take your own way, and be hanged to you.
Mrs. T. I will take my own way, and no thanks to you. [Again counting her fingers.] There’s I and my husband is one; there’s John, he’s two; Peter is three, Sue and Moll are four, and Thomas is five. And then there’s Mr. Jenkins and his wife and the two[398] children is six; and there’s Jowler, he’s seven.
Inq. Jowler! Who’s he?
Mrs. T. Who’s Jowler! Why, who should he be but the old house dog?
Inq. It’s the number of persons I want to know.
Mrs. T. Very well, Mr. Flippergin, ain’t Jowler a person? Come here, Jowler, and speak for yourself. I’m sure he’s as personable a dog as there is in the whole State.
Inq. He’s a very clever dog, no doubt. But it’s the number of human beings I want to know.
Mrs. T. Human! There ain’t a more human dog that ever breathed.
Inq. Well, but I mean the two-legged kind of beings.
Mrs. T. Oh, the two-legged, is it? Well, then, there’s the old rooster, he’s seven; the fighting-cock is eight, and the bantam is nine——
Inq. Stop, stop, good woman, I don’t want to know the number of your fowls.
Mrs. T. I’m very sorry indeed, I can’t please you, such a sweet gentleman as you are. But didn’t you tell me—’twas the two-legged beings——
Inq. True, but I didn’t mean the hens.
Mrs. T. Oh, now I understand you. The old gobbler, he’s seven, the hen turkey is eight; and if you’ll wait a week there’ll be a parcel of young ones, for the old hen turkey is setting on a whole snarl of eggs.
Inq. Blast your turkeys!
Mrs. T. Oh, don’t now, good Mr. Hipper-stitcher, I pray you don’t. They’re as honest turkeys as any in the country.
Inq. Don’t vex me any more. I’m getting to be angry.
Mrs. T. Ha! ha! ha!
Inq. [striding about the room in a rage.] Have a care, madam, or I shall fly out of my skin.
Mrs T. If you do, I don’t know who will fly in.
Inq. You do all you can to anger me. It’s the two-legged creatures who talk I have reference to.
Mrs. T. Oh, now I understand you. Well then, our Poll Parrot makes seven and the black gal eight.
Inq. I see you will have your own way.
Mrs. T. You have just found out, have you! You are a smart little man!
Inq. Have you mentioned the whole of your family?
Mrs. T. Yes, that’s the whole—except the wooden-headed man in front.
Inq. Wooden-headed?
Mrs. T. Yes, the schoolmaster what’s boarding here.
Inq. I suppose if he has a wooden head he lives without eating, and therefore must be a profitable boarder.
Mrs. T. Oh, no, sir, you are mistaken there. He eats like a leather judgment.
Inq. How many servants are there in the family?
Mrs. T. Servants! Why, there’s no servants but me and my husband.
Inq. What makes you and your husband servants?
Mrs. T. I’m a servant to hard work, and he is a servant to rum. He does nothing all day but guzzle, guzzle, guzzle; while I’m working, and stewing, and sweating from morning till night, and from night till morning.
Inq. How many colored persons have you?
Mrs. T. There’s nobody but Dinah, the black girl, Poll Parrot and my daughter Sue.
Inq. Is your daughter a colored girl?
Mrs. T. I guess you’d think so if you was to see her. She’s always out in the sun—and she’s tanned up as black as an Indian.
Inq. How many white males are there in your family under ten years of age?
Mrs. T. Why, there ain’t none now; my husband don’t carry the mail since he’s taken to drink so bad. He used to carry two, but they wasn’t white.
Inq. You mistake, good woman; I meant male folks, not leather mails.
Mrs. T. Let me see; there’s none except little Thomas, and Mr. Jenkins’ two little girls.
Inq. Males, I said, madam, not females.
Mrs. T. Well, if you don’t like them, you may leave them off.
Inq. How many white males are there between ten and twenty?
Mrs. T. Why, there’s nobody but John and Peter, and John ran away last week.
Inq. How many white males are there between twenty and thirty?
Mrs. T. Let me see—there’s the wooden-headed man is one, Mr. Jenkins and his wife is two, and the black girl is three.
Inq. No more of your nonsense, old lady; I’m heartily tired of it.
Mrs. T. Hoity toity! Haven’t I a right to talk as I please in my own house?
Inq. You must answer the questions as I put them.
Mrs. T. “Answer a fool according to his folly”—you’re right, Mr. Hippogriff.
Inq. How many white males are there between thirty and forty?
Mrs. T. Why, there’s nobody but I and my husband—and he was forty-one last March.
Inq. As you count yourself among the males, I dare say you wear the breeches.
Mrs. T. Well, what if I do, Mr. Impertinence? Is that anything to you? Mind your own business, if you please.
Inq. Certainly—I did but speak. How many white males are there between forty and fifty?
Mrs. T. None.
Inq. How many between fifty and sixty?
Mrs. T. None.
Inq. Are there any between this and a hundred?
Mrs. T. None except the old gentleman.
Inq. What old gentleman? You haven’t mentioned any before.
Mrs. T. Why, gramther Grayling—I thought everybody knew gramther Grayling—he’s a hundred and two years old next August, if he lives so long—and I dare say he will, for he’s got the dry wilt, and they say such folks never dies.
Inq. Now give the number of deaf and dumb persons.
Mrs. T. Why, there is no deaf persons, excepting husband, and he ain’t so deaf as he pretends to be. When anybody axes him to take a drink of rum, if it’s only in a whisper, he can hear quick enough. But if I tell him to fetch an armful of wood or feed the pigs or tend the griddle, he’s as deaf as a horse-block.
Inq. How many dumb persons?
Mrs. T. Dumb! Why, there’s no dumb body in the house, except the wooden-headed man, and he never speaks unless he’s spoken to. To be sure, my husband wishes I was dumb, but he can’t make it out.
Inq. Are there any manufactures carried on here?
Mrs. T. None to speak on, except turnip sausages and tow cloth.
Inq. Turnip-sausages!
Mrs. T. Yes, turnip-sausages. Is there anything so wonderful in that?
Inq. I never heard of them before. What kind of machinery is used in making them?
Mrs. T. Nothing but a bread-trough, a chopping-knife and a sausage filler.
Inq. Are they made of clear turnips?
Mrs. T. Now you’re terrible inquisitive. What would you give to know?
Inq. I’ll give you the name of being the[400] most communicative and pleasant woman I’ve met with for the last half-hour.
Mrs. T. Well, now, you’re a sweet gentleman, and I must gratify you. You must know we mix with the turnip a little red cloth, just enough to give them a color, so they needn’t look as if they were made of clear fat meat; then we chop them up well together, put in a little sage, summer savory, and black pepper; and they make as pretty little delicate links as ever was set on a gentleman’s table; they fetch the highest price in the market.
Inq. Indeed! Have you a piano in the house?
Mrs. T. A piany! What’s that?
Inq. A musical instrument.
Mrs. T. Lor, no. But Sary Jane, down at the Corners, has one—you see. Sary got all highfalutin about the great Colushun down to Bosting, and down she went; an’ when she came back the old man got no rest until she had one of the big square music boxes with white teeth—’spose that’s what you call a piany.
Inq. You seem to know what it is, then.
Mrs. T. Yes, sir. Have you anything more to ax?
Inq. Nothing more. Good morning, madam.
Mrs. T. Stop a moment; can’t you think of something else? Do now, that’s a good man. Wouldn’t you like to know what we’re a-going to have for dinner; or how many chickens our old white hen hatched at her last brood; or how many—
Inq. Nothing more—nothing more.
Mrs. T. Here, just look in the cupboard, and see how many red ants there are in the sugar-bowl; I haven’t time to count them myself.
Inq. Confound your ants and all your relations.
[Exit in a huff.
Characters.
The widow retires to the grove in the rear of Elder Sniffles’ house, sits down on a log and sings in a plaintive voice.
Widow Bedott.
She sighs profoundly, and the Elder advances unexpectedly.
W. B. Good gracious! is that you, Elder Sniffles! how you did scare me! Never was so flustrated in all the days o’ my life! hadn’t the remotest idee o’ meeting you here—would’t a come for forty dollars if I’d a s’posed you ever meander’d here. I never was here afore—but was settin’ by my winder and I cast my eyes over here, and as I observed the lofty trees a wavin’ in the gentle blast, and heerd the feathered songsters a wobblin’ their mellancolly music, I felt quite a call to come over; it’s so retired and morantic—such an approbriate place to marvel round in, ye know, when a body feels low-sperrited and unconsolable, as I dew to-night. O, d-e-a-r!
E. S. Most worthy Mrs. Bedott, your evident depression fills me with unmitigated sympathy. Your feelings (if I may be permitted to judge from the language of your song, which I overheard)——
W. B. You didn’t though, Elder! the drefful suz! what shall I dew! I wouldn’t a had you heerd that song for no money! I wish I hadn’t a come! I wish to gracious I hadn’t a come!
E. S. I assure you, Mrs. Bedott, it was unintentional on my part, entirely unintentional, but my contiguity to yourself and your proximity to me were such as rendered it impossible for me to avoid hearing you—
W. B. Well, it can’t be helped now; it’s no use crying for spilt milk, but I wouldn’t have you to think I know’d you ever came here.
E. S. On the contrary, this grove is a favorite resort of mine; it affords a congenial retreat after the exterminating and tremendous mental labors of the day. I not unfrequently spend the declining hours of the evening here, buried in the most profound meditations. On your entrance I was occupying my customary seat beneath that umbrageous mounting ash which you perceive a few feet from you; indeed, had not your mind been much pre-occupied you could scarcely have avoided discovering me.
W. B. Oh, granf’ther grievous! I wish I’d staid to hum! I was born for misfortin’ and nothin’ else! I wish to massy I’d staid to hum to-night! but I felt as if I’d like to come here once afore I leave the place. [She weeps.]
E. S. Ah! indeed! do you project leaving Scrabble Hill?
W. B. Yes, I dew; I calklate to go next week. I must hear you preach once more—once more, Elder, and then I’m gwine—somewhere—I don’t care where, nor I don’t care what becomes o’ me when I git there. [She sobs violently.]
E. S. O, Mrs. Bedott, you distress me beyond limitation—permit me to inquire the cause of this uncontrollable agony?
W. B. O, Elder Sniffles, you’re the last indiwidual that ought to ax such a question. O, I shall die! I shall give it up!
E. S. Madame, my interest in your welfare is intense; allow me to entreat you still more vehemently to unburden your mind; perhaps it is in my power to relieve you.
W. B. Relieve me! what an idee! O, Elder, you will be the death o’ me if you make me revulge my feelings so. An hour ago I felt as if I’d a died afore I’d a said what I hev said now, but you’ve draw’d it out o’ me.
E. S. Respected madame, you have as yet promulgated nothing satisfactory; permit me——
W. B. O, granf’ther grievous! must I come to’t? Well, then, if I must, I must, so to begin at the beginnin’. When I fust heern you preach, your sarmons onsettled my faith; but after a spell I was convinced by yer argefyin’, and gin up my ’roneus notions, and my mind got considerably carm. But how could I set Sabberday after Sabberday under the droppin’s o’ yer voice, and not begin to feel a mor’n ordinary interest in the speaker? I indevored not tew, but I couldn’t help it; ’twas in vain to struggle against the feelin’s that prepossest my buzzom. But it’s all over with me now! my felicitude is at an end! my sittiwation is hopeless! I shall go back to Wiggleton next week, and never truble you no more.
E. S. Ah, Mrs. Bedott, you alarm——
W. B. Yes, you never’ll see no more truble with Prissilly. I’m agwine back to Wiggleton. Can’t bear to go back thar, nother, on account o’ the indiwidduals that I come away to git rid of. There’s Cappen Canoot, he’s always been after me ever since my husband died, though I hain’t never gin him no incurridgement—but he won’t take no for an answer. I dread the critter’s attentions. And ’Squire Bailey—he’s wonderful rich—but that[402] ain’t no recommendation to me, and I’ve told him so time and agin, but I s’pose he thinks I’ll come round bumby. And Deacon Crosby, he lost his partner a spell afore I come away; he was very much pleased with me; he’s a wonderful fine man—make a fust-rate husband. I kind o’ hesitated when he promulgated his sentiments tew me, told him I’d think on’t till I cum back—s’pose he’ll be at me as soon as I git there. I hate to disappoint Deacon Crosby, he’s such a fine man, and my dezeased companion sot so much by him, but then I don’t feel for him as I dew for——. He’s a Presbyterian, tew, and I don’t think ’twould be right to unite my destination to hisen.
E. S. Undoubtedly in your present state of feeling, the uncongeniality would render a union——
W. B. O, dear, dear, dear! I can’t bear to go back there and indure their attentions, but, thank fortune, they won’t bother me long—I shall go into a decline, I know I shall, as well as I want to know it. My trubles’ll soon be over—undoubtedly they’ll put up a monnyment to my memory—I’ve got the description all ready for it—it says:
And O, Elder, you’ll visit my grave, won’t ye, and shed tew or three tears over it? ’Twould be a consolation tew me tew think you would.
E. S. In case I should ever have occasion to journey through that section of the country, and could consistently with my arrangements make it convenient to tarry for a short time at Wiggleton, I assure you it would afford me much pleasure to visit your grave, agreeably to your request.
W. B. O, Elder, how onfeelin’!
E. S. Unfeeling! did I not understand you correctly when I understood you to request me to visit your grave?
W. B. Yes, but I don’t see how you could be so carm, when I’m talkin’ about dyin’.
E. S. I assure you, Mrs. Bedott, I had not the slightest intention of manifesting a want of feeling in my remark. I should regard your demise as a most deplorable event, and it would afford me no small degree of satisfaction to prevent so melancholy a catastrophe were it in my power.
W. B. Well, I guess I’ll go hum. If Sally should know you was here a talkin’ with me, she’d make an awful fuss.
E. S. Indeed I see no reason to fear that my domestic should interfere in any of my proceedings.
W. B. O, lawful sakes! how numb you be, elder! I didn’t allude to Sal Blake—I meant Sal Hugle. She’t you’re ingaged tew.
E. S. Engaged to Miss Hugle! You alarm me, Mrs. Be——
W. B. Now don’t undertake to deny it, Elder; everybody says it’s a fact.
E. S. Well, then, it only remains for me to assert that everybody is laboring under an entire and unmitigated mistake.
W. B. You don’t say so, Elder! Well, I declare, I do feel relieved. I couldn’t endure the idea o’ stayin’ here to see that match go off. She’s so onworthy—so different from what your companion had ort to be—and so lazy—and makes such awful poitry; and then she hain’t worth a cent in the world. But I don’t want to say a word against her; for, if you ain’t ingaged now, mabby you will be. O, Elder! promise me, dew promise me now’t you won’t marry that critter.[403] ’Twould be a consolation to me when I’m far away on my dyin’ bed to know—[She weeps with renewed energy.] O, Elder, I’m afeared I’m a gwine to have the highsterics. I’m subjick to spasmotic affections when I’m excited and overcome.
E. S. You alarm me, Mrs. Bedott! I will hasten to the house and bring the sal volatile, which may restore you.
W. B. For the land’s sake, Elder, don’t go after Sal; she can’t dew nothin’ for me. It’ll only make talk, for she’ll tell it all round the village. Jest take that ar newspaper that sticks out o’ yer pocket, and fan me with it a leetle. There, I feel quite resusticated. I’m obliged tew ye; guess I can manage to get hum now. [She rises.] Farwell, Elder Sniffles! adoo! we part to meet no more!
E. S. Ah, Mrs. Bedott! do not speak in that mournful strain; you distress me beyond all mitigation. [He takes her hand.] Pray reseat yourself, and allow me to prolong the conversation for a short period. As I before observed, your language distresses me beyond all duration.
W. B. Dew you actually feel distressed at the idee o’ partin’ with me?
E. S. Most indubitably, Mrs. Bedott.
W. B. Well, then, what’s the use o’ partin’ at all? O, what have I said? what have I said?
E. S. Ahem—ahaw, allow me to inquire—are you in easy circumstances, Mrs. Bedott?
W. B. Well, not entirely yet, though I feel considerable easier’n what I did an hour ago.
E. S. Ahem! I imagine that you do not fully apprehend my meaning. I am a clergyman, a laborer in the vineyard of the Lord—as such you will readily understand I cannot be supposed to abound in the filthy lucre of this world; my remuneration is small—hence——
W. B. O, Elder, how can you s’pose I’d hesitate on account o’ your bein’ poor? Don’t think on’t—it only increases my opinion of you; money ain’t no objick to me.
E. S. I naturally infer from your indifference respecting the amount of my worldly possessions that you yourself have——
W. B. Don’t be oneasy, Elder, dear—don’t illude tew it again; depend on’t you’re jest as dear tew me, every bit and grain, as you would be if you owned all the mines in Ingy.
E. S. I will say no more about it.
W. B. So I s’pose we’re ingaged.
E. S. Undoubtedly.
W. B. We’re ingaged, and my tribbilation is at an end. [Her head drops on his shoulder.] O, Shadrack! what will Hugelina say when she hears on’t?
Francis M. Whitcher.
Scene I.—The sitting-room of the Cole family. Mary reading a newspaper. Grandmother Cole knitting. Aunt Martha crocheting. Jack playing with the balls in Aunt Martha’s work-basket.
Mary Cole.
Oh, Aunt Martha! only hear this! it’s in the Chronicle. What a splendid chance! I declare, I’ve a great mind to answer it myself!
Aunt M. What have you got hold of now? You’re allez a-making some powerful diskivery somewheres. What now? Something to turn gray eyes black, and blue eyes gray?
Mary. No; it’s a matrimonial advertisement. What a splendid fellow this “C. G.” must be!
Aunt M. Oh, shaw! A body must be dreadfully put to it, to advertise for a pardner in the newspapers. Thank goodness! I never got in such a strait as that ’er. The Lord has marcyfully kept me thus fur from having any dealings with the male sect, and I trust I shall be presarved to the end.
Jack Cole. Didn’t you ever have an offer, Aunt Mattie?
Aunt M. (indignantly.) Why, Jack Cole! What an idee! I’ve had more chances to change my condition than you’ve got fingers and toes. But I refused ’em all. A single life is the only way to be happy. But it did kinder hurt my feelings to send some of my sparks adrift—they took it so hard. There was Colonel Turner. He lost his wife in June, and the last of August he come over to our ’ouse, and I gave him to understand that he needn’t trouble himself; and he felt so mad that he went rite off and married the Widder Hopkins afore the month was out.
Jack. Poor fellow! How he must have felt! And, Aunt Mattie, I notice that Deacon Goodrich looks at you a great deal in meeting, since you’ve got that pink feather on your bonnet. What if he should want you to be a mother to his ten little ones?
Aunt M. (simpering). Law, Jack Cole! What a dreadful boy you be! (pinches his ear.) The deacon never thought of such a thing! But if it should please Providence to appoint to me such a fate, I should try and be resigned.
Granny Cole. Resigned? Who’s resigned? Not the President, has he? Well, I don’t blame him. I’d resign, too, if I was into his place. Nothing spiles a man’s character so quick as being President or Congress. Yer gran’father got in justice of the peace and chorus, once, and he resigned afore he was elected. Sed he didn’t want his repetition spiled.
Jack. Three cheers for Gran’father Cole!
Granny C. Cheers? What’s the matter with the cheers, now? Yer father had them bottomed last year, and this year they were new painted. What’s to pay with ’em now?
Mary (impatiently). Do listen, all of you, to this advertisement.
Aunt M. Mary Cole, I’m sorry your head is so turned with the vanities of this world. Advertising for a pardner in that way is wicked. I hadn’t orter listen to it.
Mary. Oh, it won’t hurt you a bit, auntie. (reads) “A gentleman of about forty, very fine looking; tall, slender, and fair-haired, with very expressive eyes, and side whiskers, and some property, wishes to make the acquaintance of a young lady with similar qualifications——”
Jack. A young lady with expressive eyes and side whiskers——
Mary. Do keep quiet, Jack Cole! (reads) “With similar qualifications as to good looks and amiable temper, with a view to matrimony. Address, with stamp to pay return postage—C. G., Scrubtown; stating when and where an interview may be had.” There! what do you think of that?
Jack. Deacon Goodrich to a T. “C. G.” stands for Calvin Goodrich.
Aunt M. The land of goodness! Deacon Goodrich, indeed! a pillar of the church! advertising for a wife! No, no, Jack; it can’t be him! He’d never stoop so low!
Jack. But if all the women are as hard-hearted as you are, and the poor man needs a wife. Think of his ten little olive plants!
Granny C. Plants? Cabbage plants? ’Taint time to set them out yet. Fust of August is plenty airly enuff to set ’em for winter. Cabbages never begin to head till the nights come cold.
Jack. Poor Mr. C. G.! Why don’t you answer it, Aunt Mattie; and tell him you’ll darn his stockings for him, and comb that fair hair of his?
Aunt M. Jack Cole! if you don’t hold your tongue, I’ll comb your hair for you in a way you won’t like. Me answering one of them low advertisements! Me, indeed! I hain’t so eager to get married as some folks I know. Brother Cyrus and I have lived all our lives in maiden meditation, fancy free—the only sensible ones of the family of twelve children; and it’s my idee that we shall continner on in that way.
Mary. Why, don’t you believe that Uncle Cyrus would get married if he could?
Aunt M. Your Uncle Cyrus! I tell you, Mary Cole, he wouldn’t marry the best woman that ever trod! I’ve hearn him say so a hundred times.
Mary. Won’t you answer this advertisement, auntie? I’ll give you a sheet of my nicest gilt-edge note-paper if you will!
Aunt M. (furiously). If you weren’t so big, Mary Jane Cole, I’d spank you soundly! I vow I would! Me answer it, indeed!
(Leaves the room in great indignation.)
Mary. Look here, Jack. What’ll you bet she won’t reply to that notice?
Jack. Nonsense! Wouldn’t she blaze if she could hear you?
Mary. I’ll wager my new curled waterfall against your ruby pin that Aunt Mattie replies to Mr. “C. G.” before to-morrow night.
Jack. Done! I shall wear a curled waterfall after to-morrow.
Mary. No, sir! But I shall wear a ruby pin. Jack, who do you think “C. G.” is?
Jack. Really, I do not know; do you? Ah! I know you do, by that look in your eyes. Tell me, that’s a darling.
Mary. Not I. I don’t expose secrets to a fellow who tells them all over town. Besides, it would spoil the fun.
Jack. Mary, you are the dearest little sister in the world! Tell me, please. (taking her hands.)
Mary. No, sir! You don’t get that out of me. Take care, now. Let go of my hands. I’m going up stairs to keep an eye on Aunt Mattie. She’s gone up now to write an answer to “C. G.” And if there is any fun by-and-by, Jack, if you’re a good boy you shall be there to see.
Granny C. To sea? Going to sea? Why, Jack Cole! you haint twenty-one yet, and the sea’s a dreadful place! There’s a sarpint lives in it as big as the Scrubtown meeting-’us’, and whales that swaller folks alive, clothes and all! I read about one in a book a great while ago that swallered a man of the name of Jonah, and he didn’t set well on the critter’s stummuck, and up he come, lively as ever!
(Curtain falls.)
Scene II.—The garden of a deserted house, in the vicinity of Mr. Cole’s. Mary leading Jack cautiously along a shady path.
Mary. There; we’ll squat down behind this lilac bush. It’s nearly the appointed hour. I heard Aunt Mattie soliloquizing in her room this morning, after this manner—“At eight o’clock this night I go to meet my destiny! In the deserted garden, under the old pear tree. How very romantic!” Hark! there she comes!
Jack. Well, of all the absurd things that ever I heard tell of! Who would have believed that our staid old maid aunt would have been guilty of answering a matrimonial advertisement?
Mary. Hush! Jack, if you make a noise and spoil the fun now, I’ll never forgive you. Keep your head still, and don’t fidget so.
Aunt Mattie (slowly walking down the path—soliloquizing.) Eight o’clock! It struck just as I started out. He ought to be here. Why does he tarry? If he aint punctual I’ll give him the mitten. I swow I will! Dear gracious! what a sitivation to be in! Me, at my time of life! though, to be shure, I haint so old as—as I might be. The dew’s[406] a-falling, and I shall get the rheumatiz in these thin shoes, if he don’t come quick. What if Jack and Mary should git hold of this? I never should hear the last of it! Never! I wouldn’t have ’em know it for a thousand dollars! Goodness me! What if it should be the deacon? Them children of his’n is dreadful youngsters; but, the Lord helping me, I’d try to train ’em up in the way they should go. Hark! is that him a-coming? No; it’s a toad hopping through the carrot bed. My soul and body! what if he should want to kiss me? I’ll chew a clove for fear he should. I wonder if it would be properous to let him? But then I s’pose if it’s the deacon I couldn’t help myself. He’s an awful deetarmined man; and if I couldn’t help it I shouldn’t be to blame! Deary me! how I trimble! There he comes! I hear his step! What a tall man! ’Taint the deacon. He’s got a shawl on! Must be the new school-master! he wears a shawl! (a man approaches, Miss Mattie goes up to him cautiously.) Is this Mr. C. G.?
C. G. Yes, it is; Is this Miss M. G.?
Aunt M. It is. Dear sir, I hope you wont think me bold and unmaidenly in coming out here all alone in the dark to meet you?
C. G. Never! Ah, the happiness of this moment! For forty years I have been looking for thee! (puts his arm around her.)
Aunt M. Oh, dear me! dont! dont! my dear sir! I aint used to it! and it aint exactly proper out here in this old garden! It’s a dreadful lonely spot, and if people should see us they might talk.
C. G. Let ’em talk! They’ll talk still more when you and I are married, I reckon. Lift your veil and let me see your sweet face.
Aunt M. Yes, if you’ll remove that hat and let me behold your countenance.
C. G. Now, then; both together. (Aunt M. throws back her veil. C. G. removes his hat. They gaze at each other a moment in utter silence.)
Aunt M. Good gracious airth! ’tis brother Cyrus!
C. G. Jubiter Ammon! ’tis sister Martha!
Aunt M. Oh, my soul and body, Cyrus Gordon! Who’d ever a-thought of you, at your time of life, cutting up such a caper as this? You old, bald-headed, gray-whiskered man! Forty years old! My gracious! You were fifty-nine last July!
C. G. Well, if I am, you’re two year older. So it’s as broad as ’tis long!
Aunt M. Why, I thought shure it was Deacon Goodrich that advertised. C. G. stands for Calvin Goodrich.
C. G. Yes; and it stands for Cyrus Gordon, too. And Deacon Goodrich was married last night to Peggy Jones.
Aunt M. That snub-nosed, red-haired Peggy Jones! He’d ort to be flayed alive! Married again! and his wife not hardly cold! Oh, the desatefulness of men! Thank Providence I haint tied to one of the abominable sect.
C. G. Well, Martha, we’re both in the same boat. If you wont tell of me, I wont of you. But it’s a terrible disappointment to me, for I sarting thought M. G. meant Marion Giles, the pretty milliner.
Aunt M. Humph! What an old goose! She wouldn’t look at you! I heerd her laffing at your swaller-tailed coat, when you come out of meeting last Sunday. But I’m ready to keep silence if you will. Gracious! if Jack and Mary should get wind of this, shouldn’t we have to take it?
C. G. Hark! what’s that? (voice behind the lilac-bush sings:)
Aunt M. That’s Jack’s voice! Goodness me! Let us scoot for home!
Jack. Did he kiss you, Aunt Mattie?
Mary. Do you like the smell of cloves, Uncle Cyrus?
C. G. Confound you both! If I had hold of ye I’d let you know if I like to smell cloves, and birch, too.
(Curtain falls.)
From “The Rivals.”
Costumes.
Enter Mrs. Malaprop, with a letter in her hand, Captain Absolute following.
Mrs. Malaprop.
Your being Sir Anthony’s son, Captain, would itself be a sufficient accommodation; but from the ingenuity of your appearance, I am convinced you deserve the character here given of you.
Capt. A. Permit me to say, madame, that as I have never yet had the pleasure of seeing Miss Languish, my principal inducement in this affair, at present, is the honor of being allied to Mrs. Malaprop, of whose intellectual accomplishments, elegant manners and unaffected learning no tongue is silent.
Mrs. M. Sir, you do me infinite honor! I beg, Captain, you’ll be seated. [Both sit.] Ah! few gentlemen, nowadays, know how to value the ineffectual qualities in a woman! Men have no sense now but for the worthless flower of beauty.
Capt. A. It is but too true, indeed, ma’am; yet I fear our ladies should share the blame; they think our admiration of beauty so great that knowledge in them would be superfluous. Thus, like garden trees, they seldom show fruit till time has robbed them of the more spacious blossoms: few, like Mrs. Malaprop and the orange tree, are rich in both at once.
Mrs. M. Sir, you overpower me with good breeding. [Aside.] He is the very pineapple of politeness! You are not ignorant, Captain, that this giddy girl has, somehow, contrived to fix her affections on a beggarly, strolling, eavesdropping ensign, whom none of us have seen, and nobody knows anything of.
Capt. A. Oh, I have heard the silly affair before. I’m not at all prejudiced against her on that account. But it must be very distressing, indeed, to you, ma’am.
Mrs. M. Oh, it gives me the hydrostatics to such a degree!—I thought she had persisted from corresponding with him; but, behold, this very day, I have interceded another letter from the fellow—I believe I have it in my pocket.
Capt. A. My last note! [Aside.]
Mrs. M. Ay, here it is.
Capt. A. Oh, the little traitress, Lucy!
Mrs. M. There, perhaps you may know the writing. [Gives him the letter.]
Capt. A. I think I have seen the hand before—yes, I certainly must have seen this hand before.
Mrs. M. Nay, but read it, Captain.
Capt. A. [reads.] “My soul’s idol, my adored Lydia!” Very tender, indeed!
Mrs. M. Tender! ay, and profane too, o’my conscience.
Capt. A. “I am excessively alarmed at the intelligence you send me, the more so as my new rival”——
Mrs. M. That’s you, sir.
Capt. A. “Has universally the character of being an accomplished gentleman and a man of honor.” Well, that’s handsome enough.
Mrs. M. Oh, the fellow has some design in writing so.
Capt. A. That he had, I’ll answer for him, ma’am.
Mrs. M. But go on, sir—you’ll see presently.
Capt. A. “As for the old weather-beaten she-dragon who guards you”?—who can he mean by that?
Mrs. M. Me, sir—me—he means me there—what do you think now?—but go on a little further.
Capt. A. Impudent scoundrel!—“it shall go hard, but I will elude her vigilance! as I am told that the same ridiculous vanity which makes her dress up her coarse features and deck her dull chat with hard words which she don’t understand”——
Mrs. M. There, sir, an attack upon my language! what do you think of that?—an aspersion upon my parts of speech! was ever such a brute! Sure, if I reprehend anything in this world, it is the use of my oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs.
Capt. A. He deserves to be hanged and quartered! let me see—“same ridiculous vanity”——
Mrs. M. You need not read it again, sir!
Capt. A. I beg pardon, ma’am—“does also lay her open to the grossest deceptions from flattery and pretended admiration”—an impudent coxcomb—“so that I have a scheme to see you shortly, with the old harridan’s consent, and even to make her a go-between in our interviews”—Was ever such assurance!
Mrs. M. Did you ever hear anything like it? [They rise.] He’ll elude my vigilance, will he?—yes, yes!—ha! ha! he’s very likely to enter these doors!—we’ll try who can run best!
Capt. A. So we will, ma’am—so we will—Ha! ha! ha! a conceited puppy! ha! ha! ha!—Well, but Mrs. Malaprop, as the girl seems so infatuated by this fellow, suppose you were to wink at her corresponding with him for a little time—let her even plot an elopement with him—then do you connive at her escape—while I, just in the nick, will have the fellow laid by the heels, and fairly contrive to carry her off in his stead.
Mrs. M. I am delighted with the scheme; never was anything better perpetrated.
Capt. A. But, pray, could I not see the lady for a few minutes now?—I should like to try her temper a little.
Mrs. M. Why, I don’t know—I doubt she is not prepared for a visit of this kind. There is a decorum in these matters.
Capt. A. O, she won’t mind me!—only tell her Beverley——
Mrs. M. Sir!
Capt. A. Gently, good tongue! [Aside.]
Mrs. M. What did you say of Beverley?
Capt. A. Oh, I was going to propose that you should tell her, by way of jest, that it was Beverley who was below—she’d come down fast enough then—ha! ha! ha!
Mrs. M. ’Twould be a trick she well deserves—besides, you know, the fellow tells her he’ll get my consent to see her—ha! ha!—Let him, if he can, I say again.—Lydia, come down here! [Calling.] He’ll make me a go-between in their interviews!—ha! ha! ha!—Come down, I say, Lydia!—I don’t wonder at your laughing—ha! ha! ha! his impudence is truly ridiculous.
Capt. A. ’Tis very ridiculous, upon my soul, ma’am!—ha! ha! ha!
Mrs. M. The little hussy won’t hear. Well, I’ll go and tell her at once who it is—she shall know that Captain Absolute is come to wait on her; and I’ll make her behave as becomes a young woman.
Capt. A. As you please ma’am.
Mrs. M. For the present, Captain, your servant—Ah! you’ve not done laughing yet, I see—elude my vigilance! yes, yes—Ha! ha! ha!
[Exit.
Richard Brinsley Sheridan.
Characters.
Scene.—Mrs. C.’s dwelling. Table set. Mr. C. outside.
Mr. C. Good evenin’ to you, ma’am.
Mrs. C. Good evenin’ to you, Mr. Costello.
Mr. C. It’s fine weather we’re havin’, ma’am.
Mrs. C. It is that, thank God, but the winter’s comin’ at last, and it comes to all, both great and small.
Mr. C. Ah! but for all that it doesn’t come to all alike. Nowhere are you, ma’am, fat, rosy and good-lookin’, equally swate as a summer greenin’, a fall pippin or a winter russet—
Mrs. C. Arrah, hould your whist, now. Much an old bachelor like you knows about apples or women. But come in, Mr. Costello, and take a cup o’ tay with me, for I was only standin’ be the door lookin’ at the people passin’ for company sake, like, and I’m sure the kittle must have sung itself hoarse. [Mr. C. enters and sits.]
Mr. C. It’s very cosy ye are here, Mrs. Cummiskey.
Mrs. C. Yes. [Lays the supper.] It is that whin I do be havin’ company.
Mr. C. Ah! it must be lonesome for you with only yer cat and the cup o’ tay.
Mrs. C. Sure it is. But sit up to the table, Mr. Costello. Help yourself to this fish, and don’t furget the purtaties. Look at them; they’re splittin’ their sides wid laughin’. [She pours tea.]
Mr. C. I’m sensible of the comforts of a home, Mrs. Cummiskey, though I’ve none meself. Mind now, the difference between the taste o’ tay made and sarved that way and the tay they gives you in an aitin’-house.
Mrs. C. Sure there’s nothin’ like a little home of yer own. I wonder yer never got marrit, Mr. Costello.
Mr. C. I was about to make the same remark in rifference to yerself, ma’am.
Mrs. C. God help us, aren’t I a widder woman this seven years?
Mr. C. Ah, but it’s thinkin’ I was why ye didn’t get marrit again.
Mrs. C. Well, it’s sure I am [thoughtfully setting down her teacup and raising her hand by way of emphasis], there was no betther husband to any woman than him that’s dead and gone, heaven save an’ rest his sowl. He was that asy a child could do anything wid him, and he was as humorous as a monkey. You favor him very much, Mr. Costello. He was about your height, and complicted like you.
Mr. C. Ah!
Mrs. C. He often used to say to me in his banterin’ way, Sure, Nora, what’s the woruld to a man whin his wife is a widder, manin’, you know, that all the timptations and luxuries of this life can never folly a man beyant the grave. Sure, Nora, says he, what’s the woruld to a man whin his wife’s a widder?
Mr. C. It was a sensible sayin’ that [helping himself to more fish].
Mrs. C. I mind the day John died. He knew everything to the last, and about four o’clock in the afthernoon—it was seventeen minutes past five exactly, be the clock, that he died—he says to me, Nora, says he, you’ve been a good wife, says he, an’ I’ve been a good husband, says he, an’ so there’s no love lost atween us, says he, an’ I could give ye a good characthur to any place, says he, an’ I wish ye could do the same for me where I’m goin’, says he; but it’s case equal, says he, an’ every dog has his day, an’ some has a day an’ a half, says he, an’ says he, I’ll know more in a bit than Father Corrigan himself, says he, but I’ll say now, says he, that I’ve always been a true son of the Church, says he, so I’ll not bother my brains about it; an’ he says, says he, I lave ye in good hands, Nora[410] for I lave you in your hands, says he; an’ if at any time ye see any wan ye like betther nor me, marry him, says he. Ah, Nora, says he, for the first time spakin’ it solemn like, ah, Nora, what’s the woruld to a man whin his wife’s a widder? An’ says he, I lave fifty dollars for masses, and the rest I lave to yourself, said he, an’ I needn’t tell ye to be a good mother to the childer’, says he, for well ye know there are none. Ah, poor John! Will ye have another cup of tay, Mr. Costello?
Mr. C. It must have been very hard on ye [passing cup]. Thank ye, ma’am, no more.
Mrs. C. It was hard, but time will tell. I must cast about me for my own livin’; and so I got intil this place an’ here I am to-day. [Both rise from the table and seat themselves before the fire.]
Mr. C. Ah! an’ here we are both of us this evenin.’
Mrs. C. Here we are, sure enough.
Mr. C. And so I mind ye of—of him, do I?
Mrs. C. That ye do. Ye favor him greatly. Dark complicted, an’ the same plisint smile.
Mr. C. Now, with me sittin’ here an’ you sittin’ there ferninst me, ye might almost think ye were marrit agin. [Insinuatingly.]
Mrs. C. Ah, go away now for a taze that ye are. [Mussing her apron by rolling the corners of it.]
Mr. C. I disremember what it was ye said about seein’ any man you liked betther nor him. [Moving his chair nearer to that of the widow.]
Mrs. C. He said, said he [smoothing her apron over her knees], Nora, said he, if anny time ye see anny man ye like betther nor me, marry him, says he.
Mr. C. Did he say anything about anny one ye liked as good as him?
Mrs. C. I don’t mind that he did. [Reflectively, folding her hands in her lap.]
Mr. C. I suppose he left that to yerself?
Mrs. C. Faith, an’ I don’t know, thin.
Mr. C. Div ye think ye like me as well as ye did him? [Persuasively, leaning forward to look into the widow’s eyes, which are cast down.]
Mrs. C. Ah, go away now for a taze. [Straightening herself and playfully slapping Mr. Costello on the face. He moves his chair still nearer, and puts his arm around her waist.]
Mr. C. Tell me, div ye like me as well as ye did him?
Mrs. C. I—I most—I most disremember now how much I liked him. [Embarrassed.]
Mr. C. Ah, now, don’t be breakin’ me heart. Answer me this question, Mrs. Cummiskey—Is your heart tender toward me?
Mrs. C. It is [whispers], an’ there, now ye have it.
Mr. C. Glory! [Kisses her.]
Mrs. C. But, James, ye haven’t told me yet how ye liked yer tay?
Mr. C. Ah, Nora, me jewel, the taste of that first kiss would take away the taste of all the tay that ever was brewed.
COMPRISING
Dramatic, Humorous and Tragic Pieces from the most Celebrated Authors, adapted to the use of Public Schools, Academies and Higher Institutions of Learning, for Public and Social Entertainments.
Wit and Wisdom Represented by a Great Variety of Entertaining Characters.
Characters.
Scene—Exterior view of a planter’s cabin, with practicable door. George Peyton discovered, seated on a bench, under veranda, reading a newspaper.
Enter Uncle Pete, a limp noticeable in his left leg, the knee of which is bowed outward, hoe on his shoulder.
Uncle Pete. (Pausing as he enters, shading his eyes with his hand, going towards George Peyton.) Yes, dar he is; dar is Marse George, a sittin’ on the porch, a readin’ his papah. Golly, I cotch him at home! (Advancing and calling) Marse George, Marse George, I’s come to see you once mo’, once mo,’ befo’ I leabes you fo’ebber. Marse George, I’se gwine to de odder shoah; I’se far on de way to my long home, to dat home ober acrost de ribber, whar de wicked hab’ no mo’ trouble, and where water-millions ripen all the year! Youns has all bin berry kine to me heah, Marse George, berry kine to de ole man, but I’s gwine away, acrost de dark ribber. I’s gwine ober, an’ dar, on dat odder shoah, I’ll stan’ an’ pick on de golden hawp among de angels, an’ in de company of de blest. Dar I’ll fine my rest; dar I’ll stan’ befo’ de throne fo’ ebber mo’ a singin’ an’ a shoutin’ susannis to de Lord!
George Peyton. Oh, no, Uncle Pete, you’re all right yet—you’re good for another twenty years.
Uncle P. Berry kine o’ you to say dat, Marse George—berry kine—but it’s no use. It almos’ breaks my hawt to leab you, and to leab de missus and de chillun, Marse George, but I’s got my call—I’s all gone inside.
George P. Don’t talk so, Uncle Pete; you are still quite a hale old man.
Uncle P. No use talkin’, Marse George, I’s gwine to hebben berry soon. ’Pears like I can heah the singin’ on de odder shoah. ’Pears like I can heah de voice of ol’ “Aunt Liza” an’ de odders dat’s gone befoah. You’s bin berry kine, Marse George—de missus an’ de chillun’s bin berry good—seems like all de people’s been berry good to poor ole Pete—poor cretur like me.
George P. Nonsense, Uncle Pete (kindly and encouragingly), nonsense, you are good for many years yet. You’ll see the sod placed on the graves of many younger men than you are, before they dig the hole for you. What you want just now, Uncle Pete, is a good square meal. Go into the kitchen and help yourself—fill up inside. There is no one at home, but I think you know the road. Plenty of cold victuals of all kinds in there.
Uncle P. (A smile illuminating his face.) ’Bleedged t’ye, Marse George, ’bleeged t’ye, sah, I’ll go! For de little time I has got to stay, I’ll not go agin natur’; but it’s no use. I’s all gone inside—I’s got my call. I’m one o’ dem dat’s on de way to de golden shoah.
(Exit Uncle Pete through door, his limp hardly noticeable. His manner showing his delight.)
George P. Poor old Uncle Pete, he seems to be the victim of religious enthusiasm. I suppose he has been to camp-meeting, but he is a cunning old fox, and it must have taken a regular hard-shell sermon to convert the old sinner. He was raised on this plantation, and I have often heard my father say, he hadn’t a better negro on the place. Ever since the war, he has been working a little, and loafing a good deal, and I have no doubt he sometimes sighs to be a slave again at work on the old plantation. (Starts and listens.)
Uncle P. (Singing inside:)
George P. (Starting up.) Zounds! if that old thief hasn’t found my bitters bottle! Pete! Pete, you rascal!
Uncle P. (Continues singing:)
George P. Pete! you rascal, come out of that.
Uncle P. (Who does not hear the planter, continues singing, and dances a gentle, old-fashioned shuffle.)
George P. (Furious.) Pete; you infernal nigger, come out of that, I say.
Uncle P. (Still singing and dancing.)
George P. (Thoroughly aroused, throwing down his paper.) You, Pete; blast the nigger.
Uncle P. (Continues singing:)
George P. (Rushes in the cabin, interrupts the singing, and drags Pete out by the ear.) Pete! Pete, you infernal old rascal, is that the way you are crossing the river? Are those the songs they sing on the golden shore? Is this the way for a man to act when he has got his call—when he is all gone inside?
Uncle P. (Looking as if he had been caught in a hen-roost.) Marse George. I’s got de call, sah, an’ I’s gwine acrost de dark ribber soon, but I’s now braced up a little on de inside, an’ de ’scursion am postponed—you see, de ’scursion am postponed, sah!
George P. (Folding his arms, looking at Pete, as if in admiration of his impudence.) The excursion is postponed, is it? Well, this excursion is not postponed, you old scoundrel. (Seizes Pete by the coat-collar and runs him off stage, L.) [CURTAIN.]
Characters:
Curtain rises.—Discovers Nora in kitchen, peeling potatoes.
Nora. Och! it’s deceivin’ that all men are! Now I belaved Pat niver would forsake me, and here he’s trated me like an ould glove, and I’ll niver forgive him. How praties make your eyes water. (Wipes tears away.) Almost as bad as onions. Not that I’m cryin’; oh, no. Pat Murphy can’t see me cry. (Knock without.) There is Pat now, the rascal. I’ll lock the door. (Hastens to lock door.)
Pat (without). Arrah, Nora, and here I am.
Nora. And there ye’ll stay, ye spalpeen.
Pat (without). Ah, come now, Nora,—ain’t it opening the door you are after? Sure, I’m dyin’ of cold.
Nora. Faith, you are too hard a sinner to die aisy—so you can take your time about it.
Pat. Open the door, cushla; the police will be takin’ me up.
Nora. He won’t kape you long, alanna!
Pat. Nora, if you let me in, I’ll tell you how I came to lave you at the fair last night.
Nora (relenting). Will you, for true?
Pat. Indade I will.
(Nora unlocks door. Enter Pat gayly. He snatches a kiss from her.)
Nora. Be off wid ye! Now tell me how you happened to be wid Mary O’Dwight last night?
Pat (sitting down). Well, you see it happened this way; ye know Mike O’ Dwight is her brother, and he and me is blatherin’ good friends, ye know; and as we was going to Caltry the ither day, Mike says to me, says he: “Pat, what’ll you take fur that dog?” and I says, says I—
Nora (who has been listening earnestly). Bother you, Pat, but you are foolin’ me again.
Pat (coaxingly takes her hand). No—no—Nora—I’ll tell ye the truth this time, sure. Well, as I was sayin’, Mike and me is good friends; and Mike says, says he: “Pat, that’s a good dog.” “Yis,” says I, “it is.” And he says, says he. “Pat, it is a blatherin’ good dog.” “Yis,” says I; and then—and then—(Scratches his head as if to aid his imagination.)
Nora (angrily snatching away hand). There! I’ll not listen to another word!
She Sings.
Pat (taking up song).
Nora.
(Nora, laughing; Pat, disconcerted.)
[QUICK CURTAIN.]
[1] From the asterisk they sing only the first strain of “Rory O’More”—omitting the minor strain, with which Nora finishes her first stanza.
Enter Sir Lucius O’Trigger to left, with pistols, followed by Acres.
Acres. (L.[2]) By my valor, then, Sir Lucius, forty yards is a good distance. Odds levels and aims!—I say it is a good distance.
Sir Lucius. (R.) Is it for muskets or small field-pieces? Upon my conscience Mr. Acres, you must leave those things to me.—Stay, now—I’ll show you. (Measures paces along the floor.) There, now, that is a very pretty distance—a pretty gentleman’s distance.
Acr. (R.) Zounds! we might as well fight in a sentry-box! I tell you, Sir Lucius, the further he is off, the cooler I shall take my aim.
Sir L. (L.) Faith! then I suppose you would aim at him best of all if he was out of sight!
Acr. No, Sir Lucius; but I should think forty or eight-and-thirty yards—
Sir L. Pooh! pooh! nonsense! Three or four feet between the mouths of your pistols is as good as a mile.
Acr. Odds bullets, no!—by my valor! here is no merit in killing him so near! Do, my dear Sir Lucius, let me bring him down at a long shot:—a long shot, Sir Lucius, if you love me!
Sir L. Well, the gentlemen’s friend and I must settle that. But tell me now, Mr. Acres, in case of an accident, is there any little will or commission I could execute for you?
Acr. I am much obliged to you, Sir Lucius—but I don’t understand—
Sir L. Why, you may think there’s no being shot at without a little risk; and if an unlucky bullet should carry a quietus with it—I say it will be no time then to be bothering you about family matters.
Acr. A quietus!
Sir L. For instance, now—if that should be the case—would you choose to be pickled and sent home?—or would it be the same to you to lie here in the Abbey?—I’m told there is very snug lying in the Abbey.
Acr. Pickled!—Snugly in the Abbey!—Odds tremors! Sir Lucius, don’t talk so!
Sir L. I suppose, Mr. Acres, you never were engaged in an affair of this kind before.
Acr. No, Sir Lucius, never before.
Sir L. Ah! that’s a pity!—there’s nothing like being used to a thing. Pray, now, how would you receive the gentlemen’s shot?
Acr. Odds files!—I’ve practiced that—there, Sir Lucius—there. (Puts himself in an attitude.) A side front, hey? I’ll make myself small enough: I’ll stand edgeways.
Sir L. Now—you’re quite out—for if you stand so when I take my aim—(Leveling at him.)
Acr. Zounds! Sir Lucius—are you sure it is not cocked?
Sir L. Never fear.
Acr. But—but—you don’t know—it may go off of its own head!
Sir L. Pooh! be easy. Well, now, if I hit you in the body, my bullet has a double chance; for, if it misses a vital part of your right side, ’twill be very hard if it don’t succeed on the left.
Acr. A vital part!
Sir L. But, there, fix yourself so—(placing him)—let him see the broadside of your full front, there, now, a ball or two may pass clean through your body, and never do any harm at all.
Acr. Clean through me!—a ball or two clean through me!
Sir L. Ay, may they; and it is much the genteelest attitude into the bargain.
Acr. Look’ee, Sir Lucius! I’d just as lieve be shot in an awkward posture as a genteel one; so, by my valor! I will stand edgeways.
Sir L. (Looking at his watch.) Sure, they don’t mean to disappoint us. Ha! no, faith; I think I see them coming. (Crosses to R.)
Acr. (L.) Hey!—what!—coming!—
Sir L. Ay. Who are those yonder, getting over the stile?
Acr. There are two of them, indeed! Well—let them come—hey, Sir Lucius! we—we—we—we—won’t run!
Sir L. Run!
Acr. No,—I say,—we won’t run, by my valor!
Sir L. What’s the matter with you?
Acr. Nothing—nothing—my dear friend—my dear Sir Lucius! but I—I don’t feel quite so bold, somehow, as I did.
Sir L. O, fy! Consider your honor.
Acr. Ay—true—my honor. Do, Sir Lucius, edge in a word or two every now and then about my honor.
Sir L. Well, here they’re coming. (Looking R.)
Acr. Sir Lucius, if I wa’n’t with you, I should almost think I was afraid! If my valor should leave me!—Valor will come and go.
Sir L. Then pray keep it fast while you have it.
Acr. Sir Lucius, I doubt it is going!—yes—my valor is certainly going!—it is sneaking off! I feel it oozing out, as it were, at the palms of my hands!
Sir L. Your honor! your honor! Here they are.
Acr. O mercy!—now—that I was safe at Clod Hall! or could be shot before I was aware! (Sir Lucius takes Acres by the arm, and leads him reluctantly off, R.)
Sheridan.
[2] L. signifies left; R., right, and C., centre of stage.
Characters:
Enter Swipes, R.,[3] Currie, L.
Swipes. A sober occasion this, brother Currie! Who would have thought the old lady was so near her end?
Currie. Ah! we must all die, brother Swipes. Those who live longest outlive the most.
Swipes. True, true; but, since we must die and leave our earthly possessions, it is well that the law takes such good care of us. Had the old lady her senses when she departed?
Cur. Perfectly, perfectly. ’Squire Drawl told me she read every word of her last will and testament aloud, and never signed her name better.
Swipes. Had you any hint from the ’Squire what disposition she made of her property?
Cur. Not a whisper! the ’Squire is as close as a miser’s purse. But one of the witnesses hinted to me that she has cut off her graceless nephew with a shilling.
Swipes. Has she? Good soul! Has she? You know I come in, then, in right of my wife.
Cur. And I in my own right; and this is, no doubt, the reason why we have been called to hear the reading of the will. ’Squire Drawl knows how things should be done, though he is as air-tight as one of your own beer-barrels, brother Swipes. But here comes the young reprobate. He must be present, as a matter of course, you know. (Enter Frank Millington, R.) Your servant, young gentleman. So, your benefactress has left you, at last!
Swipes. It is a painful thing to part with old and good friends, Mr. Millington.
Frank. It is so, sir; but I could bear her loss better, had I not so often been ungrateful for her kindness. She was my only friend, and I knew not her value.
Cur. It is too late to repent, Master Millington. You will now have a chance to earn your own bread.
Swipes. Ay, ay, by the sweat of your brow, as better people are obliged to. You would make a fine brewer’s boy, if you were not too old.
Cur. Ay, or a saddler’s lackey, if held with a tight rein.
Frank. Gentlemen, your remarks imply that my aunt has treated me as I deserved. I am above your insults, and only hope you will bear your fortune as modestly, as I shall mine submissively. I shall retire. (As he is going, R., enter ’Squire Drawl, R.)
’Squire. Stop, stop, young man! We must have your presence. Good-morning, gentlemen: you are early on the ground.
Cur. I hope the ’Squire is well to-day.
’Squire. Pretty comfortable for an invalid.
Swipes. I trust the damp air has not affected your lungs.
’Squire. No, I believe not. You know I never hurry. Slow and sure is my maxim. Well, since the heirs-at-law are all convened, I shall proceed to open the last will and testament of your deceased relative, according to law.
Swipes. (While the ’Squire is breaking the seal.) It is a trying scene to leave all one’s possessions, ’Squire, in this manner!
Cur. It really makes me feel melancholy when I look round and see everything but the venerable owner of these goods. Well did the preacher say, All is vanity!
’Squire. Please to be seated, gentlemen.
(All sit.—The ’Squire puts on his spectacles, and reads slowly.) “Imprimis: Whereas my nephew, Francis Millington, by his disobedience and ungrateful conduct, has shown himself unworthy of my bounty, and incapable of managing my large estate, I do hereby give and bequeath all my houses, farms, stocks, bonds, moneys and property, both personal and real, to my dear cousins, Samuel Swipes, of Malt street, brewer, and Christopher Currie, of Fly Court, saddler.” (’Squire takes off his spectacles to wipe them.)
Swipes. (Dreadfully overcome.) Generous creature! kind soul! I always loved her.
Cur. She was good, she was kind! She was in her right mind. Brother Swipes, when we divide, I think I will take the mansion-house.
Swipes. Not so fast, if you please, Mr. Currie! My wife has long had her eye upon that, and must have it. (Both rise.)
Cur. There will be two words to that bargain, Mr. Swipes! And, besides, I ought to have the first choice. Did not I lend her a new chaise every time she wished to ride? And who knows what influence——.
Swipes. Am I not named first in her will? And did I not furnish her with my best small beer for more than six months? And who knows——.
Frank. Gentlemen, I must leave you.
(Going.)
’Squire. (Wiping his spectacles, and putting them on.) Pray, gentlemen, keep your seats. I have not done yet. (All sit.) Let me see; where was I?—Ay,—“All my property, both personal and real, to my dear cousins, Samuel Swipes, of Malt street, brewer——”
Swipes. Yes!
’Squire. “And Christopher Currie, Fly Court, saddler——”
Cur. Yes!
’Squire. “To have and to hold in trust, for the sole and exclusive benefit of my nephew, Francis Millington, until he shall have attained the age of twenty-one years; by which time I hope he will have so far reformed his evil habits, as that he may safely be intrusted with the large fortune which I hereby bequeath to him.”
Swipes. What’s all this? You don’t mean that we are humbugged? In trust!—how does that appear? Where is it?
’Squire. (Pointing to the parchment.) There! In two words of as good old English as I ever penned.
Cur. Pretty well, too, Mr. ’Squire, if we must be sent for to be made a laughing-stock of! She shall pay for every ride she had out of my chaise, I promise you!
Swipes. And for every drop of my beer. Fine times, if two sober, hard-working citizens are to be brought here to be made the sport of a graceless profligate! But we will manage his property for him, Mr. Currie! We will make him feel that trustees are not to be trifled with!
Cur. That will we!
’Squire. Not so fast, gentlemen; for the instrument is dated three years ago, and the young gentleman must already be of age, and able to take care of himself. Is it not so, Francis?
Frank. It is, your worship.
’Squire. Then, gentlemen, having attended to the breaking of this seal according to law, you are released from any further trouble in the premises.
(Exit Swipes and Currie in earnest conversation.)
Sargent.
[3] R., signifies right; L., left and C., centre of stage.
Enter Remnant, R.[4]
Remnant. Well, I am resolved I’ll collect my bill of Col. Blarney this time. He shan’t put me off again. This is the twentieth time, as I’m a sinner, that I have dunned him! His smooth words shan’t humbug me now. No, no! Richard Remnant is not such a goose as to be paid in fine words for fine clothes. (Takes out a long bill and unrolls it.) A pretty collection of items, that! Why, the interest alone would make a good round sum. But hark! He is coming. (Hastily rolls up the bill and returns it to his pocket.)
Enter Col. Blarney, R.
Blarney. Ah! my dear Remnant, a thousand welcomes! How delighted I am to see you! And what stupidity on the part of my people not to make you enter at once! True, I had given orders that they should admit nobody; but those orders did not extend to you, my dear sir, for to you I am always at home.
Rem. Much obliged, sir. (Fumbling in his pocket for his bill.)
Blar. (calling to his servants.) What, ho![417] John! Martha! confound you! I will teach you to keep my friend Remnant kicking his heels in the entry! I will teach you to distinguish among my visitors!
Rem. Indeed, sir, it is no sort of consequence.
Blar. But it is consequence! To tell you—you, one of my best friends—that I was not in!
Rem. I am your humble servant, sir. (Drawing forth bill.) I just dropped in to hand you this little—
Blar. Quick, there, quick! A chair for my friend Remnant!
Rem. I am very well as I am, sir.
Blar. Not at all! I would have you seated.
Rem. It is not necessary. (Servant hands a common chair.)
Blar. Rascal!—not that! An arm-chair!
Rem. You are taking too much trouble. (An arm-chair is placed for him.)
Blar. No, no; you have been walking some distance, and require rest. Now be seated.
Rem. There is no need of it—I have but a single word to say. I have brought—
Blar. Be seated, I say. I will not listen to you till you are seated.
Rem. Well, sir, I will do as you wish. (Sits.) I was about to say—
Blar. Upon my word, friend Remnant, you are looking remarkably well.
Rem. Yes, sir, thank heaven, I am pretty well. I have come with this—
Blar. You have an admirable stock of health—lips fresh, skin ruddy, eyes clear and bright—really—
Rem. If you would be good enough to—
Blar. And how is Madam Remnant?
Rem. Quite well, sir, I am happy to say.
Blar. A charming woman, Mr. Remnant! A very superior woman.
Rem. She will be much obliged, sir. As I was saying—
Blar. And your daughter, Claudine, how is she?
Rem. As well as can be.
Blar. The beautiful little thing that she is! I am quite in love with her.
Rem. You do us too much honor, sir. I—you—
Blar. And little Harry—does he make as much noise as ever, beating that drum of his?
Rem. Ah, yes! He goes on the same as ever. But, as I was saying—
Blar. And your little dog, Brisk,—does he bark as loud as ever, and snap at the legs of your visitors?
Rem. More than ever, sir, and we don’t know how to cure him. He, he! But I dropped in to—
Blar. Do not be surprised if I want particular news of all your family, for I take the deepest interest in all of you.
Rem. We are much obliged to your honor, much obliged. I—
Blar. (Giving his hand.) Your hand upon it, Mr. Remnant. Don’t rise. Now, tell me, do you stand well with the people of quality?—for I can make interest for you among them.
Rem. Sir, I am your humble servant.
Blar. And I am yours, with all my heart. (Shaking hands again.)
Rem. You do me too much honor.
Blar. There is nothing I would not do for you.
Rem. Sir, you are too kind to me.
Blar. At least I am disinterested; be sure of that, Mr. Remnant.
Rem. Certainly I have not merited these favors, sir. But, sir,—
Blar. Now I think of it, will you stay and sup with me?—without ceremony, of course.
Rem. No, sir, I must return to my shop; I should have been there before this. I—
Blar. What ho, there! A light for Mr. Remnant! and tell the coachman to bring the coach and drive him home.
Rem. Indeed, sir, it is not necessary. I can walk well enough. But here— (Offering bill.)
Blar. O! I shall not listen to it. Walk? Such a night as this! I am your friend, Remnant, and, what is more, your debtor—your debtor, I say—all the world may know it.
Rem. Ah! sir if you could but find it convenient—
Blar. Hark! There is the coach. One more embrace, my dear Remnant! (Shakes hands again.) Take care of the steps. Command me always; and be sure there is nothing in the world I would not do for you. There! Good-by.
(Exit Remnant, conducted by Col. B.)
Altered from Molière.
[4] The initials R. and L. stand for the Right and Left of the stage, facing the audience.
Enter Doubledot and Simon, L.[5]
Doubledot. Plague take Mr. Paul Pry! He is one of those idle, meddling fellows, who, having no employment themselves, are perpetually interfering in other people’s affairs.
Simon. Ay, and he’s inquisitive into all matters, great and small.
Doub. Inquisitive! Why, he makes no scruple of questioning you respecting your most private concerns. Then he will weary you to death with a long story about a cramp in his leg, or the loss of a sleeve-button, or some such idle matter. And so he passes his days, “dropping in,” as he calls it, from house to house at the most unreasonable times, to the annoyance of every family in the village. But I’ll soon get rid of him.
Enter Pry, L., with umbrella, which he places against the wall.
Pry. Ha! how d’ye do, Mr. Doubledot?
Doub. Very busy, Mr. Pry, and have scarcely time to say, “Pretty well, thank ye.” (Turns from him as if writing in memorandum book. Simon advances.)
Pry. Ha, Simon! you here? Rather early in the morning to be in a public house. Been taking a horn, eh? Sent here with a message from your master, perhaps? I say, Simon, when this wedding takes place, I suppose your master will put you all into new liveries, eh?
Simon. Can’t say, sir.
Pry. Well, I think he might. (Touches Simon’s sleeve.) Between ourselves, Simon, it won’t be before you want ’em, eh?
Simon. That’s master’s business, sir, and neither yours nor mine.
Pry. Mr. Simon, behave yourself, or I shall complain of you to the colonel. By the way, Simon, that’s an uncommon fine leg of mutton the butcher has sent to your house. It weighs thirteen pounds five ounces.
Doub. And how do you know that?
Pry. I asked the butcher. I say, Simon, is it for roasting or boiling?
Simon. Half and half, with the chill taken off. There’s your answer.
(Exit Simon, R.)
Pry. That’s an uncommon ill-behaved servant! Well, since you say you are busy, I won’t interrupt you; only, as I was passing, I thought I might as well drop in.
Doub. Then you may now drop out again. The railway ’bus will be in presently, and—
Pry. No passengers by it to-day, for I have been to the hill to look for it.
Doub. Did you expect any one by it, that you were so anxious?
Pry. No; but I make it my business to see the coach come in every day. I can’t bear to be idle.
Doub. Useful occupation, truly!
Pry. Always see it go out; have done so these ten years.
Doub. (Going up.) Tiresome blockhead! Well; good morning to you.
Pry. Good-morning, Mr. Doubledot. Your tavern doesn’t appear to be very full just now.
Doub. No, no.
Pry. Ha! you are at a heavy rent? (Pauses for an answer after each question.) I’ve often thought of that. No supporting such an establishment without a deal of custom. If it’s not an impertinent question, don’t you find it rather a hard matter to make both ends meet when the first of the month comes round?
Doub. If it isn’t asking an impertinent question, what’s that to you?
Pry. O, nothing; only some folks have the luck of it: they have just taken in a nobleman’s family at the opposition house, the Green Dragon.
Doub. What’s that? A nobleman at the Green Dragon!
Pry. Traveling carriage and four. Three servants on the dickey and an outrider, all in blue liveries. They dine and stop all night. A pretty bill there will be to-morrow, for the servants are not on board wages.
Doub. Plague take the Green Dragon! How did you discover that they are not on board wages?
Pry. I was curious to know, and asked one of them. You know I never miss any thing for want of asking. ’Tis no fault of mine that the nabob is not here, at your house.
Doub. Why, what had you to do with it?
Pry. You know I never forget my friends. I stopped the carriage as it was coming down the hill—brought it to a dead stop, and said that if his lordship—I took him for a lord at once—that if his lordship intended to make any stay, he couldn’t do better than to go to Doubledot’s.
Doub. Well?
Pry. Well,—would you believe it?—out pops a saffron-colored face from the carriage window, and says, “You’re an impudent rascal for stopping my carriage, and I’ll not go to Doubledot’s if there’s another inn to be found within ten miles of it!”
Doub. There, that comes of your confounded meddling! If you had not interfered I should have stood an equal chance with the Green Dragon.
Pry. I’m very sorry; but I did it for the best.
Doub. Did it for the best, indeed! Deuce take you! By your officious attempts to serve, you do more mischief in the neighborhood than the exciseman, the apothecary, and the attorney, all together.
Pry. Well, there’s gratitude! Now, really, I must go. Good-morning.
(Exit Paul Pry.)
Doub. I’m rid of him at last, thank fortune! (Pry re-enters.) Well, what now?
Pry. I’ve dropped one of my gloves. Now, that’s very odd—here it is in my hand all the time!
Doub. Go to confusion!
(Exit.)
Pry. Come, that’s civil! If I were the least of a bore, now, it would be pardonable—But—Hullo! There’s the postman! I wonder whether the Parkins’s have got letters again to-day. They have had letters every day this week, and I can’t for the life of me think what they can—(Feels hastily in his pockets.) By the way, talking of letters, here’s one I took from the postman last week for the colonel’s daughter, Miss Eliza, and I have always forgotten to give it to her. I dare say it is not of much importance. (Peeps into it—reads.) “Likely—unexpected—affectionate.” I can’t make it out. No matter; I’ll contrive to take it to the house—though I’ve a deal to do to-day. (Runs off and returns.) Dear me! I had like to have gone without my umbrella.
[CURTAIN.]
John Poole.
[5] L. signifies left; R., right, and C., centre of stage.
Enter Spartacus, L.,[6] Jovius, R.
[6] L. signifies left; R., right, and C., centre of stage
(Regulus, a Roman consul, having been defeated in battle and taken prisoner by the Carthaginians, was detained in captivity five years, and then sent on an embassy to Rome to solicit peace, under a promise that he would return to Carthage if the proposals were rejected. These, it was thought, he would urge in order to obtain his own liberty; but he urged contrary and patriotic measures on his countrymen; and then, having carried his point, resisted the persuasions of his friends to remain in Rome, and returned to Carthage, where a martyr’s death awaited him. Some writers say that he was thrust into a cask covered over on the inside with iron spikes, and thus rolled down hill. The following scene presents Regulus just as he has made known to his friends in Rome his resolution to return to Carthage.)
Enter Regulus, followed by Sertorius.
(A temperance play.)
Scene I. (Mr. L. and his wife on the stage; Mr. L. dressed for his work, and about to go.)
Mrs. L. Albert, I wish you would give me seventy-five cents.
Mr. L. What do you want seventy-five cents for?
Mrs. L. I want to get some braid for my new dress.
Mr. L. I thought you had material enough on hand for that.
Mrs. L. So I thought I had; but it looks rather plain with no trimming at all. You know I was intending to trim it with that fringe; but it looks too gray, come to try it by the side of the dress.
Mr. L. Haven’t you something else that will do?
Mrs. L. No. But, then, braid is cheap; and I can make it look quite pretty with seventy-five cents.
Mr. L. Plague take these women’s fashions. Your endless trimmings and thing-a-ma-jigs cost more than the dress is worth. It is nothing but shell out money when a woman thinks of a new dress.
Mrs. L. I don’t have many new dresses. I do certainly try to be as economical as I can.
Mr. L. It is funny kind of economy, at all events. But if you must have it, I suppose you must.
(Takes out his purse, and counts out carefully seventy-five cents, and puts his purse away, angrily. He starts to go; but when at the door, he thinks he will take his umbrella, and goes back for it. Finds his wife in tears, which she tries hastily to conceal.)
Mr. L. Good gracious! Kate, I should like to know if you are crying at what I said about the dress.
Mrs. L. I was not crying at what you said, but you were so reluctant to grant the small favor! I was thinking how hard I have to work. I am tied to the house. I have many little things to perplex me. Then to think—
Mr. L. Pshaw! What do you want to be foolish for.
(Exit.)
(In the hall he was met by his little girl, Lizzie.)
Lizzie (holding both his hands). O, papa, give me fifteen cents.
Mr. L. What?
Lizzie. I want fifteen cents. Please give me fifteen cents.
Mr. L. What in the world do you want it for? Are they changing books again?
Lizzie. No. I want a hoop. It’s splendid rolling; and all the girls have one. Mr. Grant has some real nice ones to sell. Please, can’t I have one?
Mr. L. Nonsense! If you want a hoop, go and get one off some old barrel. I can’t afford to buy hoops for you to trundle about the streets. (Throws her off.)
Lizzie (in a pleading tone). Please, papa?
Mr. L. No, I told you!
(She bursts into tears, and he goes off muttering, “Cry, then, and cry it out.”)
Scene II. (Albert enters, his wife entering on the opposite side. She kisses him as a greeting.)
Mrs. L. I am glad you are home thus early. How has business gone to-day?
Mr. L. Well, I am happy to say.
Mrs. L. Are you very tired?
Mr. L. No; why?
Mrs. L. I want you to go to the sewing circle to-night.
Mr. L. I can’t go; I have an engagement.
Mrs. L. I am sorry. You never go with me now. You used to go a great deal.
(Just then Lizzie comes in crying, dragging an old hoop, and rubbing her eyes.)
Mr. L. What is the matter with you, darling?
Lizzie. The girls have been laughing at me, and making fun of my hoop. They say mine is ugly and homely.
Mr. L. Never mind; perhaps we’ll have a new one some time.
Lizzie. Mayn’t I have one now? Mr. Grant has one left—a real pretty one.
Mr. L. Not now, Lizzie; not now. I’ll think of it.
(Lizzie goes out crying, followed by her mother. A friend of Mr. L. enters.)
Friend. Hello, Albert! What’s up?
Mr. L. Nothing in particular. Take a chair.
Friend. How’s business?
Mr. L. Good.
Friend. Did you go to the club last night?
Mr. L. Don’t speak so loud!
Friend. Ha! wife don’t know—does she? Where does she think you go?
Mr. L. I don’t know. She never asks me, and I am glad of it. She asked me to go with her to-night, and I told her I was engaged.
Friend. Good! I shan’t ask you where, but take it for granted that it was with me. What do you say for a game of billiards?
Mr. L. Good! I’m in for that. (They rise to go.) Have a cigar, Tom?
Friend. Yes. (They go out.)
Scene III. (Two men in conversation as they come upon the stage.)
B. Billiards? No, I never play billiards.
A. Why not?
B. I don’t like its tendency.
A. It is only a healthy pastime. I am sure it has no evil tendency.
B. I cannot assert that the game in its most innocent form is, of itself, an evil, to be sure. But, although it has the advantage of calling forth skill and judgment, yet it is evil when it excites and stimulates beyond the bounds of healthy recreation.
A. That result can scarcely follow such a game.
B. You are wrong there. The result can follow in two ways. First, it can lead men away from their business. Secondly, it leads those to spend money who have none to spend. Look at that young man just passing. He looks like a mechanic; and I should judge from his appearance that he has a family. I see by his face that he is kind and generous, and wants to do as near right as he can. I have watched him in the billiard saloon time after time, and only last night I saw him pay one dollar and forty cents for two hours’ recreation. He did it cheerfully, too, and smiled at his loss. But how do you suppose it is at home? Suppose his wife had asked him for a dollar or two for some household ornament, or his child, if he has one, for a picture-book or toy, what do you suppose he would have answered? This is not conjecture; for you and I both know plenty of such cases.
A. Upon my word, B., you speak to the point; for I know that young man, and what you have said is true. I can furnish you with facts. We have a club for a literary paper in our village, and last year he was one of the subscribers. This year he was obliged to discontinue. His wife was very anxious to take it; but he said he could not afford the $1.25 for it. And his little Lizzie, ten years old, has coaxed her father for fifteen cents, for a hoop, in vain. My Nellie told me that.
B. Yes; and that two hours’ recreation last night, would have paid for both. It is well for wives and children that they do not know where all the money goes.
Characters.
Scene.—A stage. Curtain rises, and Frank Clayton comes forward and speaks.
Frank. Ladies and gentlemen: Our performances are now about to commence. We have[424] spent some time in preparing for this exhibition, and we hope you will be pleased with all the performances that may be given. You well know that we have not had much practice in giving school exhibitions, and if you see any errors, we hope you will kindly forgive and overlook. We will endeavor to give our recitations correctly, and act our parts truthfully, and we ask you to—and we ask you to—and—and—and we ask that—that—
(Enter Harry Thompson. He comes in front of Frank and commences to speak.)
Frank. (Speaking in a loud whisper.) Harry, what did you come out here for? I’m not through with the introductory speech yet.
Harry. (Turns half way round, puts his hand to his mouth, as if to keep the audience from hearing, and speaks in a loud whisper.) I know you weren’t through, but you stuck, and I thought I had better come on. You know my recitation is second on the programme, and I didn’t want to have a bungle right at the commencement of the exhibition.
Frank. Go back to your place, you little rascal, and don’t interrupt me again. I’m going to speak my piece.
Harry. (With his hand up to hide his mouth as before.) Oh, you’re stuck and you’d better retire. (Turns to audience and continues to speak his piece.)
Frank. (Whispering as before.) I say, Harry, get from before me and let me speak my piece.
Harry. (Turns, puts up his hand, and whispers as before.) Oh, you keep shady until I get through. (Turns to audience and speaks.)
Frank. (Turning Harry by the collar and pulling him back.) I tell you to get out of this until I have spoken my piece.
Harry. I won’t. Let me alone, I say. You have stuck fast, and do you want to spoil the exhibition? Didn’t you know enough to keep off the stage until I had spoken my piece?
Frank. (Still holding him by the collar.) It is you that are spoiling the exhibition. (Leads him off the stage.)
Harry. (Speaking loudly as he goes out.) I call this an outrage.
Frank. (Returning to his place and commencing to speak.) Ladies and gentlemen, my speech has been interrupted, and I will commence again. Our performances are now about to commence. We have spent some time in preparing for this exhibition, and we hope you will be pleased with all the performances that may be given. You know that we have not had much practice in giving school exhibitions, and if you see any errors, we hope you will kindly forgive and overlook. We will endeavor to give our recitations correctly, and act our parts truthfully, and we ask you to—to—and we ask you to—and act our parts truthfully, and we ask you to—and we ask you to—(In a lower tone.) I’ve forgotten it again; isn’t that too bad? (Speaking as before.) And we ask you to—to—to—
(Enter Tommy Watkins. He comes in front of Frank, and commences to speak “The Ghost.”)
Frank. (In a loud whisper.) Tommy Watkins, get from before me. Don’t you see I’m speaking? I don’t want to be interrupted—I want to finish my speech.
Tommy. (Facing the audience and speaking in the same tone as when reciting his speech.) Oh, you’d better quit! You’ve stuck twice now, and if you don’t go off the stage the audience will become disgusted.
Sammy Long. (Seated in the audience.) The people are disgusted now with that boy’s opening speech. He’d better go home, memorize it, and speak it some time next year.
Tommy. There! You hear what they say out there in the audience. They are disgusted, and they think you had better leave the stage.
Frank. Oh, that’s nobody but Sammy Long, and he is displeased because we didn’t invite him to take part in the exhibition.
Tommy. Well, I’ll go ahead and speak my piece while you are trying to think up the words you have forgotten.
Frank. Stop, Tommy; I can finish my speech now.
Tommy. So can I. (Continues his recitation.)
(Bows and turns to go off. To Frank.) Now, Frank, you can go ahead again until you come to the sticking place. I hope that, during the time I have generously given you by speaking my piece, you have been collecting your scattered senses, and will now be able to finish what you began.
(Exit Tommy.)
Frank. Ladies and gentlemen, I am not at all pleased with this way of doing business. I think these boys have not treated me with proper respect. I was selected to give the opening or introductory address, and you see how it has been done.
Sammy. (In the audience.) We didn’t see very much of it. Don’t you think it would be well enough for you to retire and memorize your speech?
Frank. You boys out there had better keep silent and not create a disturbance. There is an officer in the house.
(Enter Willie Brown. He comes before Frank and commences to speak.)
“’Twas night! The stars were shrouded in a veil of mist; a clouded canopy o’erhung the world; the vivid lightnings flashed and shook their fiery darts upon the earth—”
Frank. (Speaking out.) I say, Willie Brown, what did you come here for? I haven’t finished the opening speech yet.
Willie. What’s the use of having an opening speech now? The exhibition is half over. (Continues his speech.)
“The deep-toned thunder rolled along the vaulted sky; the elements were in wild commotion; the storm-spirit howled in the air; the winds whistled; the hail-stones fell like leaden balls; the huge undulations of the ocean dashed upon the rock-bound shore; and torrents leaped from mountain tops; when the murderer sprang from his sleepless couch with vengeance on his brow—murder in his heart—and the fell instrument of destruction in his hand.”
Frank. Stop, I say. What kind of an exhibition will this be without an introductory speech? Stop, I say. We will be the laughing-stock of the country if we don’t open our exhibition with an introductory speech.
Johnny. (In the audience.) Oh, nobody cares for the introductory speech. Let the speech go and give us some dialogues and songs.
Willie. No dialogues and songs until I have finished my speech. This is my place on the programme. (Continues his speech. Frank comes and stands near him and they both speak at the same time, Willie giving the concluding portion of his speech and Frank commencing at the[427] first of his Opening Speech and going as far as he had gone before. Willie should finish just before Frank commences to stammer.)
“The storm increased; the lightnings flashed with brighter glare; the thunder growled with deeper energy; the winds whistled with a wilder fury; the confusion of the hour was congenial to his soul, and the stormy passions which raged in his bosom. He clenched his weapon with a sterner grasp. A demoniac smile gathered on his lip; he grated his teeth; raised his arm; sprang with a yell of triumph upon his victim, and relentlessly killed—a mosquito!” (Bows and turns to go off. To Frank.) Stuck again, my boy? If we had waited for the opening speech we would not have got our exhibition opened for a week or ten days.
(Exit Willie.)
Johnny. (In the audience.) Well, we haven’t had that introductory speech yet, and I guess we are not going to get it. That was the queerest kind of speech I ever heard. It began, and then balked, and then kicked up, and then braced its feet in front, and finally stopped altogether. I think we would have done better if we had started without any introduction, just as grandpa said the other day he thought Parson Goodwin ought to have begun his sermon at the conclusion and left out all that went before it.
Frank. (Excitedly.) Hold on there! You say we don’t need any speech and yet you are making a long one yourself. You said that I hitched like a balky horse, but you have kicked up your heels and cantered off as if somebody had touched off a pack of fire-crackers under you.
(Enter Harry Thompson. He comes forward and speaks.)
(Bows and turns to go off.) I have spoken the valedictory, and the exhibition is over. Ring down the curtain.
Frank. (Excitedly.) Stop! Hold! Don’t! I haven’t finished my speech yet.
Johnny. (In the audience.) You’ve given us enough for the present. You can finish it out next Christmas.
Harry. Ring down the curtain.
Frank. Stop! Don’t! Don’t! I want to speak my piece. (A bell is rung and the curtain falls.)
Frank. (Drawing the curtain aside and looking out.) Here’s a go! How are we going to get along without an Opening Speech? (Disappears.)
[Curtain.]
Characters.
Costumes.
(A noted Greek sculptor, Pygmalion, makes a most beautiful statue of woman. Having attained perfection of form he longs to breathe life into his work, and blames the gods that they have limited his power. He stands on the stage, to the left, looking thoughtfully up as if imploring the gods. While apparently uttering his complaints, Galatea, coming to life, calls to him from behind the curtain.)
(During this speech Pygmalion has shown symptoms of irresolution; at its conclusion he takes her in his arms and embraces her passionately.)
W. S. Gilbert.
[7] C. indicates centre; R., right, and L., left of stage.
(A dialogue for two men. From Act IV. of Julius Cæsar. Before rendering the dialogue it is presumed that the participants will read the whole play from a volume of Shakespeare, and familiarize themselves with the spirit of the selection. The interest will be enhanced by the use of proper costumes. Where these cannot be hired—as they generally may in cities and large towns—they may be easily improvised by observing the simple Roman dress as illustrated in historical works.)
(Curtain rises, revealing Brutus and Cassius in heated conversation on the stage.)
[CURTAIN.]
Shakespeare.
TABLEAU.—Friendship Restored.
Curtain rises, revealing Brutus and Cassius with one hand laid upon the other’s shoulder, while the right hands firmly clasp. On the face of each beams the light of noble love and manly friendship, showing their mutual joy. The bearing should be dignified and manly.
(Dialogue for elderly lady and young man. From Act III. of the tragedy of Hamlet. The part of Hamlet is a very difficult one to play, and should be thoroughly studied. The whole tragedy should be read from Shakespeare, any illustrated volume of which will suggest appropriate costume. The Ghost may be impersonated by a voice, unless a suitable costume and staging are available.)
(Curtain rises and reveals Hamlet approaching his Mother, who may be seated and apparently in much distress.)
[CURTAIN.]
Shakespeare.
(This piece is frequently recited by one person, but is much more effective in dialogue. Lochiel, a Highland chieftain, while on his march to join the Pretender, is met by one of the Highland seers, or prophets, who warns him to return, and not incur the certain ruin and disaster which await the unfortunate prince and his followers on the field of Culloden. When used as a dialogue, a blast of trumpet is heard. The curtain being drawn, Lochiel enters, attired in the Highland fighting costume, and following him should appear in the doorway of the stage two or three armed Scotch soldiers to give the idea of a large number behind them. The Seer meets him from the other direction, dressed in flowing robes, and with long white hair and beard, and, raising his hands in the attitude of warning, speaks imploringly as follows:)
[CURTAIN.]
TABLEAU.
A very pretty tableau may be quickly formed behind the curtain, and at the close of applause from the audience the curtain be raised, showing Lochiel standing proud and imperious, his clan gathered around him, and the old Seer upon his knees, head thrown back, with hands and face raised imploringly.
(Adapted from Schiller, Scene II., Act III. Arranged for two ladies and two gentlemen.)
Characters:
Costumes.
Enter Mary and Talbot.
Mary. Talbot, Elizabeth will soon be here. I cannot see her. Preserve me from this hateful interview.
Talbot. Reflect a while. Recall thy courage. The moment is come upon which everything depends. Incline thyself; submit to the necessity of the moment. She is the stronger. Thou must bend before her.
Mary. Before her? I cannot!
Tal. Thou must do so. Speak to her humbly; invoke the greatness of her generous heart; dwell not too much upon thy rights. But see first how she bears herself towards thee. I myself did witness her emotion on reading thy letter. The tears stood in her eyes. Her heart, ’tis sure, is not a stranger to compassion; therefore place more confidence in her, and prepare thyself for her reception.
Mary. (Taking his hand.) Thou wert ever my faithful friend. Oh, that I had always remained beneath thy kind guardianship, Talbot! Their care of me has indeed been harsh. Who attends her?
Tal. Leicester. You need not fear him; the earl doth not seek thy fall. Behold, the queen approaches. (Retires.)
Enter Elizabeth and Leicester.
Mary. (Aside.) O heavens! Protect me! her features say she has no heart!
Elizabeth. (To Leicester.) Who is this woman? (Feigning surprise.) Robert, who has dared to—
Lei. Be not angry, queen, and since heaven has hither directed thee, suffer pity to triumph in thy noble heart.
Tal. (Advancing.) Deign, royal lady, to cast a look of compassion on the unhappy woman who prostrates herself at thy feet.
[Mary, having attempted to approach Elizabeth, stops short, overcome by repugnance, her gestures indicating internal struggle.]
Eliz. (Haughtily.) Sirs, which of you spoke of humility and submission? I see nothing but a proud lady, whom misfortune has not succeeded in subduing.
Mary. (Aside.) I will undergo even this last degree of ignominy. My soul discards its noble but, alas! impotent pride. I will seek to forget who I am, what I have suffered, and will humble myself before her who has caused my disgrace. (Turns to Elizabeth.) Heaven, O sister, has declared itself on thy side, and has graced thy happy head with the crown of victory. (Kneeling.) I worship the Deity who hath rendered thee so powerful. Show thyself noble in thy triumph, and leave me not overwhelmed by shame! Open thy arms, extend in mercy to me thy royal hand, and raise me from my fearful fall.
Eliz. (Drawing back.) Thy place, Stuart, is there, and I shall ever raise my hands in gratitude to heaven that it has not willed that I should kneel at thy feet, as thou now crouchest in the dust at mine.
Mary. (With great emotion.) Think of the vicissitudes of all things human! There is a Deity above who punisheth pride. Respect the Providence who now doth prostrate me at thy feet. Do not show thyself insensible and pitiless as the rock, to which the drowning man, with failing breath and outstretched arms, doth cling. My life, my entire destiny, depend upon my words and the power of my tears. Inspire my heart, teach me to move, to touch thine own. Thou turnest such icy looks upon me, that my soul doth sink within me, my grief parches my lips, and a cold shudder renders my entreaties mute. (Rises.)
Eliz. (Coldly.) What wouldst thou say to me? thou didst seek converse with me. Forgetting that I am an outraged sovereign, I honor thee with my royal presence. ’Tis in obedience to a generous impulse that I incur the reproach of having sacrificed my dignity.
Mary. How can I express myself? how shall I so choose every word that it may penetrate, without irritating, thy heart? God of mercy! aid my lips, and banish from them whatever may offend my sister! I cannot relate to thee my woes without appearing to accuse thee, and this is not my wish. Towards me thou hast been neither merciful nor just. I am thine equal, and yet thou hast made me a prisoner, a suppliant, and a fugitive. I turned to thee for aid, and thou, trampling on the rights of nations and of hospitality, hast immured me in a living tomb! Thou hast abandoned me to the most shameful need, and finally exposed me to the ignominy of a trial! But, no more of the past; we are now face to face. Display the goodness of thy heart! tell me the crimes of which I am accused! Wherefore didst thou not grant me this friendly audience when I so eagerly desired it? Years of misery would have been spared me, and this painful interview would not have occurred in this abode of gloom and horror.
Eliz. Accuse not fate, but thine own wayward soul and the unreasonable ambition of thy house. There was no quarrel between us until thy most worthy ally inspired thee with the mad and rash desire to claim for thyself the royal titles and my throne! Not satisfied with this, he then urged thee to make war against me, to threaten my crown and my life. Amidst the peace which reigned in my dominions, he fraudulently excited my subjects to revolt. But heaven doth protect me, and the attempt was abandoned in despair. The blow was aimed at my head, but ’tis on thine that it will fall.
Mary. I am in the hand of my God, but thou wilt not exceed thy power by committing a deed so atrocious?
Eliz. What could prevent me? Thy kinsman has shown monarchs how to make peace with their enemies! Who would be surety for thee if, imprudently, I were to release thee? How can I rely on thy pledged faith? Nought but my power renders me secure. No! there can be no friendship with a race of vipers.
Mary. Are these thy dark suspicions? To thine eyes, then, I have ever seemed a stranger and an enemy. If thou hadst but recognized me as heiress to thy throne—as is my lawful right—love, friendship, would have made me thy friend—thy sister.
Eliz. What affection hast thou that is not feigned? I declare thee heiress to my throne! Insidious treachery! In order, forsooth, to overturn the state, and—wily Armida that thou art—entrap within thy snares all the youthful spirits of my kingdom, so that during my own lifetime all eyes would turn towards thee—the new constellation!
Mary. Reign on in peace! I renounce all right to thy sceptre. The wings of my ambition have long drooped, and greatness has no longer charms for me. ’Tis thou who hast it all; I am now only the shade of Mary Stuart! My pristine ardor has been subdued by the ignominy of my chains. Thou hast nipped my existence in the bud. But pronounce those magnanimous words for which thou cam’st hither; for I will not believe that thou art come to enjoy the base delight of insulting thy victim! Pronounce the words so longed for, and say, “Mary, thou art free! Till now thou hast known only my power;[439] now know my greatness.” Woe to thee, shouldst thou not depart from me propitious, beneficent, like an invoked Deity. O sister! not for all England, not for all the lands the vast ocean embraces, would I present myself to thee with the inexorable aspect with which thou now regardest me!
Eliz. At length thou confessest thyself vanquished! Hast thou emptied thy quiver of the artifices it contained? Hast thou no more assassins? Does there not remain to thee one single hero to undertake in thy defence the duties of knight-errant? Gone, Mary, gone forever are those days. Thou canst no longer seduce a follower of mine; other causes now inflame men’s hearts. In vain didst thou seek a fourth husband among my English subjects; they knew too well that thou murderest thy husbands, as thou dost thy lovers.
Mary. (Shuddering.) O heavens! sister! Grant me resignation.
Eliz. (To Leicester, with contempt.) Earl, are these the boasted features, on which no mortal eye could gaze with safety? Is this the beauty to which no other woman’s could be compared? In sooth, the reputation appears to have been easily won. To be thus celebrated as the reigning beauty of the universe seems merely to infer that she has been universal in the distribution of her favors.
Mary. Ah, ’tis too much.
Eliz. (With a smile of satisfaction.) Now thou showest thyself in thine own form. Till now thou hast worn a mask.
Mary. (With dignified pride.) They were mere human errors that overcame my youth. My grandeur dazzled me. I have nought to conceal, nor deny my faults; my pride has ever disdained the base artifices of vile intriguers. The worst I ever did is known, and I may boast myself far better than my reputation. But woe to thee, thou malignant hypocrite, if thou ever lettest fall the mantle beneath which thou concealest thy shameless amours! Thou, the daughter of Anne Boleyn, hast not inherited virtue! The causes that brought thy sinful mother to the block are known to all.
Tal. (Stepping between them.) Is this, O Mary, thine endurance? Is this thy humility?
Mary. Endurance? I have endured all that a mortal heart can bear. Hence, abject humility! Insulted patience, get ye from my heart! And thou, my long pent-up indignation, break thy bonds, and burst forth from thy lair! Oh, thou gavest to the angry serpent his deadly glance; arm my tongue with poisonous stings.
Tal. (To Elizabeth.) Forgive the angry transports which thou hast thyself provoked.
Lei. (Inducing Elizabeth to withdraw.) Hear not the ravings of a distracted woman. Leave this ill—
Mary. The throne of England is profaned by a base-born—the British nation is duped by a vile pretender! If right did prevail, thou wouldst be grovelling at my feet, for ’tis I who am thy sovereign. (Elizabeth retires. Leicester and Talbot follow.) She departs, burning with rage, and with bitterness of death at heart. Now happy I am! I have degraded her in Leicester’s presence. At last! at last! After long years of insult and contumely, I have at least enjoyed a season of triumph. (Sinks upon the floor.)
[CURTAIN.]
Schiller.
TABLEAU.
Curtain rises. Mary reclines upon the floor, disheveled hair, face buried in hands, shaking with emotion. Elizabeth stands glaring at her, face livid with anger, clenched fists. Leicester is restraining her; his hand is raised as if admonishing her not to yield to her rage and do an act unbecoming a queen. Talbot leans over Mary, to whom he appears to offer words of hope and consolation, at the same time lifting his right hand imploringly to Elizabeth.
Scene—Dr. Gregory’s study. A table and two chairs.
Enter Patient (an unhappy Scotch merchant) from left. Dr. Gregory discovered reading (on right).
Patient. Good morning, Dr. Gregory! I’m just come into Edinburgh about some law business, and I thought when I was here, at any rate, I might just as weel take your advice, sir, about my trouble.
Doctor. Pray, sir, sit down. (Patient sits on left.) And now, my good sir, what may your trouble be?
Pa. Indeed, doctor, I’m not very sure, but I’m thinking it’s a kind of weakness that makes me dizzy at times, and a kind of pinkling about my stomach—I’m just na right.
Dr. You are from the west country, I should suppose, sir?
Pa. Yes, sir; from Glasgow.
Dr. Ay, pray, sir, are you a glutton?
Pa. Heaven forbid, sir! I am one of the plainest men living in the west country.
Dr. Then, perhaps, you are a drunkard?
Pa. No, Dr. Gregory, thank Heaven, no one can accuse me of that! I’m of the dissenting persuasion, doctor, and an elder, so you may suppose I’m na drunkard.
Dr. I’ll suppose no such thing till you tell me your mode of living. I’m so much puzzled with your symptoms, sir, that I should wish to hear in detail what you do eat and drink. When do you breakfast, and what do you take at it?
Pa. I breakfast at nine o’clock; take a cup of coffee, and one or two cups of tea, a couple of eggs, and a bit of ham or kippered salmon, or, maybe, both, if they’re good, and two or three rolls and butter.
Dr. Do you eat no honey, or jelly, or jam, at breakfast?
Pa. O, yes, sir! but I don’t count that as anything.
Dr. Come, this is a very moderate breakfast. What kind of a dinner do you make?
Pa. O, sir, I eat a very plain dinner, indeed. Some soup, and some fish, and a little plain roast or boiled; for I dinna care for made dishes; I think, some way, they never satisfy the appetite.
Dr. You take a little pudding, then, and afterwards some cheese?
Pa. O, yes! though I don’t care much about them.
Dr. You take a glass of ale or porter with your cheese?
Pa. Yes, one or the other; but seldom both.
Dr. You west-country people generally take a glass of Highland whiskey after dinner?
Pa. Yes, we do; it’s good for digestion.
Dr. Do you take any wine during dinner?
Pa. Yes, a glass or two of sherry; but I’m indifferent as to wine during dinner. I drink a good deal of beer.
Dr. What quantity of port do you drink?
Pa. O, very little; not above half a dozen glasses or so.
Dr. In the west country, it is impossible, I hear, to dine without punch?
Pa. Yes, sir; indeed, ’tis punch we drink chiefly; but, for myself, unless I happen to have a friend with me, I never take more than a couple of tumblers or so, and that’s moderate.
Dr. O, exceedingly moderate, indeed! You then, after this slight repast, take some tea and bread and butter?
Pa. Yes, before I go to the counting-house to read the evening letters.
Dr. And on your return you take supper, I suppose?
Pa. No, sir, I canna be said to take supper; just something before going to bed;—a rizzered haddock, or a bit of toasted cheese, or a half-hundred oysters, or the like o’that, and,[441] maybe, two-thirds of a bottle of ale; but I take no regular supper.
Dr. But you take a little more punch after that?
Pa. No, sir; punch does not agree with me at bedtime. I take a tumbler of warm whiskey-toddy at night; it is lighter to sleep on.
Dr. So it must be, no doubt. This, you say, is your everyday life; but, upon great occasions, you perhaps exceed a little?
Pa. No, sir; except when a friend or two dine with me, or I dine out, which, as I am a sober family man, does not often happen.
Dr. Not above twice a week?
Pa. No, not oftener.
Dr. Of course you sleep well and have a good appetite?
Pa. Yes, sir, thank Heaven, I have; indeed, any ill health that I have is about mealtime.
Dr. (Rising with a severe air—the Patient also rises.) Now, sir, you are a very pretty fellow, indeed! You come here and tell me you are a moderate man; but, upon examination, I find, by your own showing, that you are a most voracious glutton. You said you were a sober man; yet, by your own showing, you are a beer-swiller, a dram-drinker, a wine-bibber, and a guzzler of punch. You tell me you eat indigestible suppers, and swill toddy to force sleep. I see that you chew tobacco. Now, sir, what human stomach can stand this? Go home, sir, and leave your present course of riotous living, and there are hopes that your stomach may recover its tone, and you be in good health, like your neighbors.
Pa. I’m sure, doctor, I’m very much obliged to you. (Taking out a bundle of bank notes.) I shall endeavor to——
Dr. Sir, you are not obliged to me:—put up your money, sir. Do you think I’ll take a fee for telling you what you know as well as myself? Though you’re no physician, sir, you are not altogether a fool. Go home, sir, and reform, or, take my word for it, your life is not worth half a year’s purchase.
Pa. Thank you, doctor, thank you. Good-day, doctor.
(Exit on right, followed by Doctor.)
Mr. Cross. Why do you keep me knocking all day at the door?
John. I was at work, sir, in the garden. As soon as I heard your knock, I ran to open the door with such haste that I fell down and hurt myself.
Mr. C. Why didn’t you leave the door open?
John. Why, sir, you scolded me yesterday because I did so. When the door is open, you scold; when it is shut, you scold. I should like to know what to do?
Mr. C. What to do? What to do, did you say?
John. I said it. Shall I leave the door open?
Mr. C. No. I tell you, no!
John. Shall I keep the door shut?
Mr. C. Shall you keep the door shut? No, I say.
John. But, sir, a door must be either open or——
Mr. C. Don’t presume to argue with me, fellow!
John. But doesn’t it hold to reason that a door——
Mr. C. Silence, I say. Hold your tongue!
John. And I say that a door must be either open or shut. Now, how will you have it?
Mr. C. I have told you a thousand times, you provoking fellow—I have told you that I wished it—— But what do you mean by cross-questioning me, sir? Have you trimmed the grape-vine, as I ordered you?
John. I did that three days ago, sir.
Mr. C. Have you washed the carriage? Eh?
John. I washed it before breakfast, sir, as usual.
Mr. C. You haven’t watered the horses to-day!
John. Go and see, sir, if you can make them drink any more. They have had their fill.
Mr. C. Have you given them their oats?
John. Ask William; he saw me do it.
Mr. C. But you have forgotten to take the mare to be shod. Ah! I have you now!
John. I have the blacksmith’s bill here.
Mr. C. My letters!—Did you take them to the post-office? Ha! You forgot, did you?
John. I forgot nothing, sir. The letters were in the mail ten minutes after you handed them to me.
Mr. C. How often have I told you not to scrape on that abominable violin of yours? And yet this very morning——
John. This morning? You forget, sir. You broke the violin all to pieces for me last Saturday night.
Mr. C. I’m glad of it! Come, now; that wood which I told you to saw and put into the shed—why is it not done? Answer me!
John. The wood is all sawed, split, and housed, sir; besides doing that, I have watered all the trees in the garden, dug over three of the beds, and was digging another when you knocked.
Mr. C. Oh, I must get rid of this fellow! He will plague my life out of me. Out of my sight, sir! (John rushes out.)
Mr. H. Ha, steward! how are you, my old boy? How do things go on at home?
Steward. Bad enough, your honor; the magpie’s dead.
Mr. H. Poor Mag! so he’s gone. How came he to die?
Steward. Over-ate himself, sir.
Mr. H. Did he, indeed? a greedy villain! Why, what did he get he liked so well?
Steward. Horse-flesh, sir; he died of eating horse-flesh.
Mr. H. How came he to get so much horse-flesh?
Steward. All your father’s horses, sir.
Mr. H. What! are they dead, too?
Steward. Ay, sir; they died of over-work.
Mr. H. And why were they over-worked, pray.
Steward. To carry water, sir.
Mr. H. To carry water! What did they carry water for?
Steward. Sure, sir, to put out the fire.
Mr. H. Fire! What fire?
Steward. Oh, sir, your father’s house is burned to the ground.
Mr. H. My father’s house! How come it set on fire?
Steward. I think, sir, it must have been the torches.
Mr. H. Torches! What torches?
Steward. At your mother’s funeral.
Mr. H. Alas! my mother dead?
Steward. Ah, poor lady, she never looked up after it!
Mr. H. After what?
Steward. The loss of your father.
Mr. H. My father gone, too?
Steward. Yes, poor man, he took to his bed soon as he heard of it.
Mr. H. Heard of what?
Steward. The bad news, sir, an’ please your honor.
Mr. H. What! more miseries? more bad news? No! you can add nothing more!
Steward. Yes, sir; your bank has failed, and your credit is lost, and you are not worth a dollar in the world. I made bold, sir, to come to wait on you about it, for I thought you would like to hear the news.
All permanent associations formed for mutual benefit must have a Constitution by which they shall be governed.
Where it is intended to organize a society for the intellectual improvement or social enjoyment of its members, a number of persons meet together and select a name for the organization. The next step is to appoint a committee, whose duty it shall be to prepare a Constitution and code of By-Laws for the society. These must be reported to the society at its next meeting, and must be adopted by the votes of a majority of that body before they can take effect.
The Constitution consists of the rules which form the foundation upon which the organization is to rest. It should be brief and explicit. It should be considered and adopted section by section; should be recorded in a book for that purpose, and should be signed by all the members of the society.
Amendments to the Constitution should be adopted in the same way, and should be signed by each member of the society.
In addition to the Constitution, it is usual to adopt a series of minor rules, which should be explanatory of the principles of the Constitution. These are termed By-Laws, and should be recorded in the same book with the Constitution, and immediately after it. New by-laws may be added from time to time, as the necessity for them may arise. It is best to have as few as possible. They should be brief, and as clear that their meaning may be easily comprehended, and should govern the action of the body.
As growth and development of mind, together with readiness and fluency of speech, are the result of investigation and free discussion of religious, education, political, and other topics, the undersigned agree to form an association, and for its government, do hereby adopt the following Constitution:
Article I.—The name and title of this organization shall be
“The Philomathian Literary Society,”
and its objects shall be the free discussion of any subject coming before the meeting for the purpose of diffusing knowledge among its members.
Article II.—The officers of the Association shall consist of a President, two Vice-Presidents, a Corresponding Secretary, a Recording Secretary, a Treasurer and a Librarian, who shall be elected annually by ballot, on the first Monday in January of each year, said officers to hold their position until their successors are elected.
Article III.—It shall be the duty of the President to preside at all public meetings of the Society. The first Vice-President shall preside in the absence of the President, and in case of the absence of both President and Vice-President, it shall be the duty of the second Vice-President to preside.
The duty of the Secretary shall be to conduct the correspondence, keep the records of the Society, and read at each meeting a report of the work done at the preceding meeting.
The Treasurer shall keep the funds of the[444] Society, making an annual report of all moneys received, disbursed, and the amount on hand.
It shall be the duty of the Librarian to keep, in a careful manner, all books, records and manuscripts in the possession of the Society.
Article IV.—There shall be appointed by the President, at the first meeting after his election, the following standing committees, to consist of three members each, namely: On lectures, library, finance, and printing, whose duties shall be designated by the President.
The question for debate at the succeeding meeting shall be determined by a majority vote of the members present.
Article V.—Any lady or gentleman may become a member of this Society by the consent of the majority of the members present, the signing of the Constitution, and the payment of two dollars as membership fee. It shall be the privilege of the Society to elect any person whose presence may be advantageous to the Society, an honorary member who shall not be required to pay membership fees or dues.
Article VI.—This Association shall meet weekly, and at such other times as a majority, consisting of at least five members of the Association, shall determine. The President shall be authorized to call special meetings upon the written request of any five members of the Society, at which meetings one-third of the members shall be sufficient to constitute a quorum for the transaction of business.
Article VII.—It shall be the duty of the Finance Committee to determine the amount of dues necessary to be collected from each member, and to inform the Treasurer of the amount, who shall promptly proceed to collect the same at such times as the committee may designate.
Article VIII.—The parliamentary rules and general form of conducting public meetings, as shown in “Cushing’s Manual of Practice,” shall be the standard authority in governing the deliberations of this Association.
Article IX.—Any member neglecting to pay dues, or who shall be guilty of improper conduct, calculated to bring this Association into disrepute, shall be expelled from the membership of the Society by a two-thirds vote of the members present at any regular meeting. No member shall be expelled, however, until he shall have had notice of such intention on the part of the Association, and has been given an opportunity of being heard in his own defense.
Article X.—By giving written notice of change at any regular meeting, this Constitution may be altered or amended at the next stated meeting by vote of two-thirds of the members present.
Rule 1.—No question shall be stated unless moved by two members, nor be open for consideration until stated by the chair. When a question is before the Society, no motion shall be received, except to lay on the table, the previous question, to postpone, to refer, or to amend; and they shall have precedence in the order in which they are here arranged.
Rule 2.—When a member intends to speak on a question, he shall rise in his place, and respectfully address his remarks to the President, confine himself to the question, and avoid personality. Should more than one member rise to speak at the same time the President shall determine who is entitled to the floor.
Rule 3.—Every member shall have the privilege of speaking three times on any question under consideration, but not oftener, unless by the consent of the Society (determined by vote); and no member shall speak more than once, until every member wishing to speak shall have spoken.
Rule 4.—The President, while presiding, shall state every question coming before the Society; and immediately before putting it to vote shall ask: “Are you ready for the question?” Should no member rise to speak, he shall rise to put the question; and after he has risen no member shall speak upon it, unless by permission of the Society.
Rule 5.—The affirmative and negative of the question having been both put and answered, the President declares the number of legal votes cast, and whether the affirmative or negative have it.
Rule 6.—All questions, unless otherwise fixed by law, shall be decided by a majority of votes.
Rule 7.—After any question, except one of indefinite postponement, has been decided, any member may move a reconsideration thereof, if done in two weeks after the decision. A motion for reconsideration the second time, of the same question, shall not be in order at any time.
Rule 8.—Any two members may call for a division of a question, when the same will admit of it.
Rule 9.—The President, or any member, may call a member to order while speaking, when the debate must be suspended, and the member take his seat until the question of order is decided.
Rule 10.—The President shall preserve order and decorum; may speak to points of order in preference to other members; and shall decide all questions of order, subject to an appeal to the Society by any member, on which appeal no person shall speak but the President and the member called to order.
Rule 11.—No motion or proposition on a subject different from that under consideration shall be admitted under color of an amendment.
Rule 12.—No addition, alteration, or amendment to the Constitution, By-Laws, etc., shall be acted upon, except in accordance with the Constitution.
Rule 13.—No nomination shall be considered as made until seconded.
Rule 14.—The President shall sign all proceedings of the meetings.
Rule 15.—No member shall vote by proxy.
Rule 16.—No motion shall be withdrawn by the mover unless the second withdraw his second.
Rule 17.—No extract from any book shall be read consuming more than five minutes.
Rule 18.—No motion for adjournment shall be in order until after nine o’clock.
Rule 19.—Every motion shall be reduced to writing, should the officers of the society desire it.
Rule 20.—An amendment to an amendment is in order, but not to amend an amendment to an amendment of a main question.
Rule 21.—The previous question shall be put in this form, if seconded by a majority of the members present: “Shall the main question be put?” If decided in the affirmative, the main question is to be put immediately, and all further debate or amendment must be suspended.
Rule 22.—Members not voting shall be considered as voting in the affirmative, unless excused by the Society.
Rule 23.—Any member offering a protest against any of the proceedings of this Society may have the same, if, in respectful language, entered in full upon the minutes.
Rule 24.—No subject laid on the table shall be taken up again on the same evening.
Rule 25.—No motion shall be debatable until seconded.
Rule 26.—Points of order are debatable to the Society.
Rule 27.—Appeals and motions to reconsider or adjourn are not debatable.
Rule 28.—When a very important motion or amendment shall be made and seconded, the mover thereof may be called upon to reduce the same to writing, and hand it in at the table, from which it shall be read, open to the Society for debate.
Rule 29.—The mover of a motion shall be at liberty to accept any amendment thereto; but if an amendment be offered and not accepted, yet duly seconded, the Society shall pass upon it before voting upon the original motion.
Rule 30.—Every officer, on leaving his office, shall give to his successor all papers, documents, books, or money belonging to the Society.
Rule 31.—No smoking, and no refreshments except water, shall be allowed in the Society’s hall.
Rule 32.—When a motion to adjourn is carried, no member shall leave his seat until the President has left his chair.
Rule 33.—No alteration can be made in these rules of order without a four-fifth vote of the society, and two weeks’ notice; neither can they be suspended, but by a like vote, and then for the evening only.
1. Should there be a Board of Arbitration appointed by the Government for Settling Disputes between Employees and Employers?
2. Is England Rising or Falling as a Nation?
Note.—Compare the Elements of Modern with the Elements of Ancient Prosperity.
3. Has Nature or Education the Greater Influence in the Formation of Character?
4. From which does the Mind gain the more Knowledge, Reading or Observation?
5. Is the Character of Queen Elizabeth deserving of our Admiration?
6. Is an Advocate Justified in Defending a Man whom he Knows to be Guilty of the Crime with which he is Charged?
7. Which does the most to Produce Crime—Poverty, Wealth, or Ignorance?
8. Is a Limited Monarchy, like that of England, the Best Form of Government?
9. Is not Private Virtue essentially requisite to Greatness of Public Character?
10. Is Eloquence a Gift of Nature, or may it be Acquired?
11. Is Genius an Innate Capacity?
12. Is a Rude or a Refined Age the More Favorable to the Production of Works of Imagination?
13. Is the Shakespearian the Augustan Age of English Literature?
14. Ought Pope to Rank in the First Class of Poets?
15. Has the Introduction of Machinery been Generally Beneficial to Mankind?
16. Which Produce the Greater Happiness, the Pleasures of Hope or of Memory?
17. Is the Existence of Parties in the State Favorable to the Public Welfare?
18. Is there any Ground for Believing in the Ultimate Perfection and Universal Happiness of the Human Race?
19. Is Co-operation more Adapted to Promote the Virtue and Happiness of Mankind than Competition?
20. Was the Banishment of Napoleon to St. Helena a Justifiable Proceeding?
21. Ought Persons to be Excluded from the Civil Offices on Account of their Religious Opinions?
22. Which Exercises the Greater Influence on the Civilization and Happiness of the Human Race, the Male or the Female Mind?
23. Which did the Most to Produce the French Revolution, the Tyranny of the Government, the Excesses of the Higher Orders, or the Writings of Voltaire, Montesquieu and Rousseau?
24. Which was the Greater Poet, Byron or Burns?
25. Is there Reasonable Ground for Believing that the Character of Richard the Third was not so Atrocious as is Generally Supposed?
26. Does Happiness or Misery Preponderate in Life?
27. Should the Press be Totally Free?
28. Do Modern Geological Discoveries Agree with Holy Writ?
29. Did Circumstances Justify the First French Revolution?
30. Could not Arbitration be Made a Substitute for War?
31. Which Character is the More to be Admired, that of Loyola or Luther?
32. Are there Good Grounds for Applying the Term “Dark” to the Middle Ages?
33. Which was the Greater Poet, Chatterton or Cowper?
34. Are Public or Private Schools to be Preferred?
35. Is the System of Education Pursued at our Universities in Accordance with the Requirements of the Age?
36. Which is the More Healthful Exercise, Bicycle Riding or Walking?
37. Does the Game of Foot-Ball Produce more Evil than Beneficial Effects?
38. Would the Free and Unlimited Coinage of both Silver and Gold be better than the Single Gold Standard in America?
39. Should Women be Granted the Right to Vote on all State and National Questions?
40. Would Absolute Prohibition be a Benefit to the Country?
Maiden.—Loose, white robe, wing-like sleeves, displaying arm; hair long, loose, and flowing over shoulders.
A large post in centre of stage, around which are piled fagots. Fastened to the post by means of a chain around the waist stands the maiden, with eyes cast upward, and the whole attitude that of exaltation. A strong red light suddenly thrown upon the lower part of the picture, from both sides, will produce the effect of ignited wood.
Music, if any, triumphant.
Winter.—Black, loose dress to the feet, fur cap, white wig, and long white beard; dress flecked with bits of cotton, to represent snow; face full and florid. The part may be taken by a lady.
Spring.—Trailing loose dress of white, sleeves draped so as to show arm to elbow; scarf and sash of pink; long, flowing, yellow hair; sprays of roses and other flowers gracefully fastened on the dress; wealth of flowers on the head.
Spring is seated on a chair, over which may be thrown a covering of white or pink, upon which are scattered profusely sprays of flowers. She holds at her side a golden sceptre.
Winter is seated in the lap of Spring holding extended in his right hand a sceptre of black.
The scene is a parlor.—Standing in the foreground is a young girl, simply dressed. In her left hand she has a rose, and holding out her right hand shows to her companion the scratches made by the thorns (a little carmine paint, put on with a fine camel’s-hair pencil, makes very painless scratches.) Her companion, a young man dressed as a mechanic’s apprentice (a carpenter’s, butcher’s, shoemaker’s or any other trade), is, with a look of sympathy, raising the wounded hand to his lips. Behind the young man stands his employer, with an expression of rage, raising a rope about to strike the apprentice. He is not perceived by either of the young people.
In the background is a child, with a look of great glee, putting its fingers into a jar, marked jam, while the mother, behind the child, is raising her hand to box its ears.
It hardly needs description. A background of dark brown gauze, very faintly lighted at the upper right-hand corner; a dress of black serge or stuff, with black veil and white coif; a crucifix and rosary—these are the very simple materials needed. Let the light fall from the left-hand upper corner in front. Choose your nun for the beauty of her eyes, the regularity and refinement of feature, and the elegance of her hands.
Characters.
Poet.—A young man with long hair and wide linen collar turned down over coat collar.
Statue.—Personated by a young woman in white, with arms bare.
(This beautiful tableau may be represented in three or four scenes, with fine dress effect.)
Cinderella meanly clad, the sisters and Prince in costliest attire. One of the sisters is eagerly bent on forcing her foot into the slipper.
A very large shoe, which she has just vacated, is on the floor beside her. The other, her face and attitude showing keenest disappointment, has just put on her shoe. These shoes, while nicely made, should be the largest that can be had. The slipper may be of white satin, small and handsome.
Cinderella, having begged permission to try on the slipper, has just seated herself, withdrawn her shoe and placed a dainty foot on the cushion beside the slipper. The sisters give her a scornful and reproachful look.
Cinderella, having put on the slipper, has just drawn from her pocket its mate. The sisters, bewildered and dumfounded, have thrown themselves at her feet. This scene makes a fitting conclusion to the performance, and the next two scenes should not be attempted unless the appliances are at hand to make Cinderella imagination’s richest queen.
The fairy has touched her clothes with the magic wand, and Cinderella has become a being of marvelous beauty. Her gorgeous splendor dazzles the eyes of the Prince. She helps her sisters to their feet, and shows, as before, no resentment for past insult.
Cinderella and the Prince, arm in arm, prepare to leave the stage, followed by the sisters.
The scene is a parlor.—In the foreground are two young girls, one of whom holds a miniature out to the other, who puts it aside, with an expression of angry contempt. The first girl is laughing heartily, and pointing her finger at the second, as if teasing her about the picture.
Peeping out from behind a window-curtain is a young man, who, with an expression of perfect rage, is shaking his fist at the ladies.