Transcriber’s Note: The cover image was created from the title page by the transcriber and is placed in the public domain.
Transcriber’s Note: The cover image was created from the title page by the transcriber and is placed in the public domain.
FEMALE SEX.
PRINTED AT THE OBSERVATORY PRESS,
The following hints were originally designed for the benefit of a few individuals, for whom the author had a particular regard, and also felt himself under obligations to give them all that instruction which might be deemed necessary to guide them in the paths of virtue and morality, and to shun those vices which often ruin the female sex, and are too predominant in the world.
But as all young people are in one predicament, and instructions that are suitable for one, may be equally applied to the whole; therefore, for the benefit of the present, and future rising generations, these few lines are made public.
And although the Author would not blush to own this piece of work, yet, for certain reasons, his name is concealed.
The most critical time of youth, especially of the female sex, is while they are in their juvenile years. At this age, when they are entering as it were upon the borders of life, to act in some degree for themselves, the greatest care and attention ought to be paid to them. And from the age of puberty, until they arrive to maturity, and are settled in the world, they ever ought to be considered as under the care and protecting eye of their parents, guardians, or masters.
How can parents, guardians, or masters, feel as though they had[6] discharged their duty towards their children, and those under their care, in this respect, when they see them, entering on the wheels of time, exposed to all the temptations of an alluring world, and scarcely or never give them one check or caution!
And as it is to be feared that some parents, &c. are guilty of too much neglect on this hand, so others govern with too much restraint on the other. If you mean that your children should learn to govern themselves, you must learn it to them by experience; that is, by giving them a little lenity, together with your good counsel and advice, and according to their improvement, give them more and more, until they learn the art of self-government. But if you endeavor to keep them wholly under[7] restraint, and never let them learn from experience the different manners and customs of people abroad; if they should happen to break out of your reach (as most likely they will, at certain times) they will (according to the vulgar expression) behave more like hogs let out of the sty; than like ladies; and not knowing the art of self government, they will be likely to break over all rules of decency and decorum.
But although parents, &c. may pay the strictest attention to their children, &c. unless there is the greatest degree of caution and circumspection attended to, on the part of the children, it will avail but very little.
Young people are apt to be insensible to the danger they are in,[8] until their name is stained with a blot that is very hard to wipe away. The wise man has justly observed, that “A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor rather than silver and gold.”
The reputation of youth, a young maiden more especially, may be compared to china ware, or transparent glass, which is very easily broken, but impossible to mend, so but what it will leave a blemish behind.
How often does the thoughtless youth, in some unguarded hour, fall into some trifling folly or other which stamps a blur upon their characters, and fills their minds with shame and remorse. And it is too frequently the case, that in order to prevent the evils of one piece of bad conduct, they run into another,[9] which only sinks them deeper and deeper. They then begin to give up all hopes of recovery, their minds become dissipated, and they give themselves over to all the vain delusions and allurements of time and sense. And as they travel on in the paths of folly, they become lost to all sense of virtue and morality, consequently happiness is fled, and they generally become slaves to misery and discontentment.
Such a life as this would be thought scarcely worth possessing! yet how often do we behold those who appeared to be very promising when they first started in life, and presented to us the most pleasing prospects, land on these shores at last, and drag out a miserable life, with shame and ignominy: while on the other[10] hand, it often happens, that those who make a small appearance, and are thought but a very little of, when they first set out in life; yet by attending to good instruction, and the strictest caution and prudence, they have arisen to honor and dignity in the world, and are loved and esteemed by all virtuous people.
If these are facts, they show the importance of early attending to instruction.
And that you, my young friend, blooming with virgin beauty, unsullied with vice, and unimpaired with age; that you may shun those pernicious practices that will lead you in shame and disgrace, and pursue those paths that will lead you to honor and dignity in the world, and gain you a name that is more valuable[11] than silver or gold, I leave you the following
1. Keep a due regard over all your thoughts, and see that they are intent upon the business in which you are employed, that you may pay a proper attention to the same.
Nothing is more dangerous than an absent mind. It is rude to indulge the thoughts to rove upon indifferent objects, even when you are in company; but more especially when attending to your domestic concerns. If your thoughts are not mostly engaged in the business before you, time will steal away faster than you are aware of; night will come on before you are ready for it, many things must go undone that[12] you ought to have attended to, and that which you have done will be apt to be slighted, or done to the halves; and you will thereby get to yourself rebukes and reproaches, which you might have easily prevented, and you will now begin to repent when it is too late to mend a bad day’s work.
By indulging an absent mind, young people are apt to be deaf to all that is said to them, or at least, it does not make an abiding impression on their minds; by which means they are apt to do their work wrong, have it to undo, and do over again, and sometimes spoil it in the end; which will make them feel very much chagrined, and also it will fret, perplex, and weary the patience of those who employ them.
All this might have been easily avoided by care and attention; and not only so, but you would improve in your business, and thereby make it become habitual and easy.
You cannot expect to become master of any kind of business, without much care and attention; and this ought to make you more studious in the same, for remember, that there is no business that you will be likely to be called to attend to, now when young, but what (if you should ever have a family of your own) you must attend to the same for yourself, or at least, have it attended to; and therefore it is highly necessary that you should now become master of it.
This is what ought to excite your mind now when young, that[14] you may be well qualified to be mistress of your own family; and even if you should never have any family, this will do you no harm.
2. Never flatter yourself that you know how the business should be done better than your teachers; therefore hear with patience their instructions, and always be submissive to their directions.
Never contradict them in any sense whatever; but if you think that any other way, different from what they direct, would do better, you may inform them of it, but do it with the greatest modesty and circumspection; and if they comply with what you say, it is well, but if they do not, add no more, but obey as you were first directed.
Always make the business of the[15] day the first object, and then if you have any leisure hours, you may improve them to the best advantage and for your own profit and satisfaction.
Never allow yourself to be peevish and fretful about your work, food, dress, or any thing of the like nature, even if the business does not go on to suit you; for this will only make the business more irksome and fatiguing, without any kind of benefit to yourself.
3. Do not expect even from your best endeavors wholly to escape without censure. For the mind of youth is so fickle, it would be very strange if you did not sometimes go astray, and not do so well as you might; and if you do, you must expect reproof, and rebuke, and you[16] ought to take it kindly, and endeavour to do better for the future.
But even if you should always do your best, you must expect that you will sometimes do wrong, even for want of knowledge; and you cannot expect that people will always exercise that patience, so but what they will many times chide you, and find fault, even when you have done your best. All this you ought to bear with patience without a murmuring word: for if you are conscious to yourself that you have done as well as you could, even a sharp rebuke need not trouble you; for you may gain some knowledge by it, and therefore it may terminate for your own advantage. Besides, if you bear it with patience, and try to convince them by your future conduct[17] that you used your best endeavors to have every thing done as it should be, this will have a tendency to convince them of their error, and cause them to exercise more patience for the future.
Always pay a proper respect to your parents, guardians, or masters, and ever be submissive to their commands. Never try to aggravate them, even if they should find fault at trifles; that is, to treat the matter with a kind of indifferency, though you did not care to displease them; for this will only make them more fretful for the future.— But if you are sensible that you have done wrong, you ought to confess it, and endeavour to reform; but if you think you are not to blame let the whole matter pass in silence.
4. You must not only pay the greatest attention to your domestic concerns, but a proper decorum in all your words and actions must be attended to. Your leisure hours should be employed in reading useful books, which will be most likely to furnish your mind with a store of religious and moral improvements. Read the characters of those ladies who have lived virtuous and pious lives, and endeavour to imitate their examples.
And if you should ever happen to read the characters of any profligate women (not to call them ladies) endeavour to make only this use of their characters; that is, to shun their vices, avoid their pernicious practices, and thereby escape the miseries that attend them.
5. Endeavour to treat all persons with civility. Pay a proper respect to your superiors, complaisance to your equals and courteously treat those whom you shall deem to be your inferiors.
Establish in your own mind a certain rule of decency and modesty, to be attended to in all companies, and at all times, whether at home or abroad.
In all companies, give each one an opportunity for their proper share of conversation. Remember that a talkative, loquacious woman, a young woman more especially, often exposes her weakness, and sickens the ear with her babblings. “The torrent of her words overwhelmeth conversation.” Therefore every species of rudeness ought[20] to be avoided as unbecoming your sex. Again, frequent and loud laughter doth not become any person, especially a woman, and a young woman more especially.— Therefore it ought to be avoided on all occasions as not belonging to the rules of decency, and as unbecoming the fair sex.
6. The strictest attention must be paid to the conversation which you may occasionally have with the other sex. Be not forward in beginning a conversation with them; but be always ready to return all compliments that may be given to you with an easy address, and in a becoming manner, without being daunted or even put to the blush.
In order to facilitate this business, endeavour to treasure up in your[21] memory, those addresses and compliments, that by constant observation, you may hear drop from those whom you deem to be your superiors; and endeavor to make them familiar to yourself, so that you may be able to use them on any occasion, with propriety, & without the appearance of affectation or dissimulation.
And as you would avoid a prudish disposition on the one hand, so you must equally avoid a volatile, idle, and wanton disposition on the other. To facilitate which, give yourself more to thinking and less to talking, so that when you do speak, you may always speak with decency, modesty, and propriety. Always mind to speak plain and distinctly, and loud enough to be understood, with a modest smile[22] on your face, without a rude look in your countenance.
But let your speeches be short and comprehensive; and never try to prolong a conversation, unless it be upon topics that are becoming your sex. But if the conversation should be disagreeable and unbecoming, endeavor to turn the attention to some other object, introduce some other topic, or else find an occasion of absence.
7. Remember that the bloom of your youth, your healthy and ruddy countenances, the rose on your cheeks, and the sparkling vigor of your eyes, will gain you more admirers than real lovers. Here pause for a few moments and consider! for it is the most delicate point for you to steer through and your name[23] and reputation to remain unsullied.
How often doth the blooming and most promising youth, by one fatal misstep, stain their characters with ignominy, and blast their reputation forever.
It is much easier to avoid temptation, than to resist the deceitful arts of the tempter.
The deceitful heart of a fond admirer, out of a vain pretence of love and affection, will work upon every passion that wit can invent or lust suggest, in order to allure your affections, intrude upon your chastity, and win you over to their fond embraces, and carnal appetites.
O heed not their flatteries, neither give way to their alluring and licentious persuasions! for when they have ruined you, their flatteries will[24] be turned into contempt, and their pretended love into downright hatred. And in the end, they will even forsake you, without regard or pity. Therefore beware of sycophants! and be not deceived by their enticing words! Even if they reproach you to your face for your rigorous treatment, yet behind your back, they will applaud your constancy.
Remember that the taste may be satiated with the sweetest fruit, where there is a full enjoyment; but let a person participate only by anticipation, and the nearer to enjoyment, the more valuable the prize will be.
8. Learn to distinguish between true, genuine love, and mere fancy. He who truly loves or respects you, will not wish to have you violate[25] your honor or chastity, neither will he violently intrude upon the same, although he may endeavour to prove your constancy.
Therefore when you have reason to believe that any one sincerely respects you, and if you also wish to continue to be worthy of his esteem; remember that you cannot do any thing more against yourself than to give over your chastity, or go beyond rules of decency.
But if you have reason to believe that any one’s pretended love is nothing more than mere fancy, which will generally shew itself by a vehement fondness; vows, promises, &c. learn to treat it with a silent neglect; for his utmost wishes will never promote your real happiness.
9. Be not anxious to be admired[26] by every one, but only be careful that the virtuous have no occasion to speak evil against you; to avoid which you have only to live a virtuous life.
Keep a due regard over all your words and actions; not only when you are with those whom you esteem to be virtuous, but even if you should happen to fall in company with those of the baser sort.
It hath been an old maxim, that when we are with the Romans, we must do as the Romans do. And the maxim may be a good one, so far as we can comply with it, and not break over the rules of decency and propriety; but no farther. For it is no rule, neither will it be any excuse for you, to be loose, vain, or lascivious, even if you should happen to fall in[27] company with persons of this description. But the wiser method is, to avoid all such company; for the characters of persons are often judged by the company they keep. Therefore, if you would wish to avoid the reproaches of every one, you must not only abstain from vice yourself, but you must forsake the company of the vicious.
10. Do not reveal your secrets to any one, unless it will be as much for their interest to keep, as it will be for yours to have them kept; and never reveal the secrets of others, when it will not injure you to keep them.
Never make any promise that you do not mean to perform; and fulfil all your promises when you have once made them; unless you find that you were deceived when[28] you made them, and therefore ought not to have promised.
Never speak of the failings of another to a third person, but with the greatest reluctance, especially those of your own sex. If you can say no good of persons, you had better say nothing about them. For as you would not wish to have your own failings published to the world, so you must be exceeding careful not to publish the failings of others.
But should you discover a failing in your friend, you may, and ought to remind him or her of it, between you and them alone, but do it with the greatest modesty. And if your friends should tell you of a fault, take it kindly of them and endeavor to reform.
Never appear to slight the company[29] of any one, while in their presence, even if it should be disagreeable; but rather endeavor to find some just occasion of absence, and avoid their company for the future.
Treat every one with civility, but use no flattery nor dissimulation to any one; but let the words of your mouth be the sentiments of your heart.
11. Do not try to outvie all others in dress, &c. but let your dress be modest, and suited to your circumstances. Remember that a real character doth not consist in the outward adornings of the body, but in the inward adornings of the mind and understanding.
Although a fop, or a coxcomb, might be charmed at the sight of fine ribbons, and embroidered apparel; yet the man of understanding[30] will look for the more refined beauties; the adornments of the mind.
12. But however you may appear in company, and abroad, your real character for lasting reputation and future happiness in the world, must be formed and established at home; even in the kitchen, and in attending to your domestic concerns.
Here is where you are to form your character, not only for happiness, but also for usefulness in the world. By attending to industry, cookery, and all the domestic employments, you will qualify yourself to become the mistress of a family; and not only so, but here you will prepare yourself to be a worthy companion for a good and honest farmer, a laborious mechanic, a rich merchant, or even a minister of the gospel,[31] or any other character whatever.
I am willing to own, that was a flaunting beau or a coxcomb, going to choose a partner for an afternoon or an evening, he would be likely to make choice of one that was set out in what they are pleased to call complete bon ton, that would please his fancy for just a moment to pass away an idle hour.
But was a virtuous young man about to make choice of a partner through life; one with whom he expected to participate, not only in the pleasures, but also in the sorrows and afflictions of life; one to be his bosom companion and mistress of his family, and to travel with him thro’ all the chequered scenes of the thorny maze of this wilderness world; he would be likely to choose one who[32] was studious in business, well acquainted with domestic concerns, of an unsullied character, with a soft and easy temper of mind and one to whom the cares of her family would be her chief delight.
Such a companion as this would ever make home agreeable. And whether it should be their fortune to be rich or poor, every thing would go on harmoniously, and the domestic affairs would be attended to in season, and all things kept in proper order. And finally to conclude, we may join with the poet, and say, that
FINIS.
Transcriber’s Notes:
Punctuation and spelling inaccuracies were silently corrected.
Archaic and variable spelling has been preserved.
Variations in hyphenation and compound words have been preserved.
